The Nick DiPaolo Show - More Nord Stream Nonsense | Nick Di Paolo Show #1283

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

Pipeline of Lies North Korea Launches Over Japan Red Army Very Green Abrams Still Sore Loser Newsom At It Again Fan Gets Laid Out by Lineman

Ladies and gentlemen, make sure to join me on Patreon and get an Encore Extra story. Today, I'll be talking about a lunatic in where else? Florida, using his baby as a human shield. That's part of the course, isn't it? Again, it's for you Patreon subscribers only. You'll also get access to all the past shows, including every encore show, discounts on merch and more. Visit patreon.com slash the Nick DiPaolo Show to sign up today. And now... Here's Nick! How are you, Ed? Good to be with you on a Tuesday. I'll tell you, great show tonight, Ed. Great show.

We have this greasy guinea race driver, Mario Andretti. Boy, those guineas know how to build an engine. And a midget who's married to an Indian woman, Sonny Bono, will be with us. He'll probably die on a ski slope. I'm just predicting. And also, another guy who could die on a ski slope. I'm just predicting. And also another guy who could die on ski slopes, Jose Feliciano, blind Hispanic guy, plays a fucking guitar. So a great show. What is going on, ladies and gentlemen? How you is? Right before I came on the air, I got these sad news that Tom Brady and Giselle have hired divorce lawyers.

My goodness. My goodness. I feel bad for both of them. How are they ever going to meet somebody? I mean, you know, it's slim pickings out there. Can you imagine either one of these people being on Tinder? You think they get any swipes? Can you fucking imagine? They should just do it to see what happens. Either one of them. I mean, Giselle's a supermodel. Tom's looks like a model.

They're both trillionaires. You think they'll get any? Come on, do it. Do it, man. That kind of bums me out. I thought, hey, what are you going to do? I don't know. Me and Dallas are saying, Giselle's saying,

you know, because he went back to football. But it's got to be a little more than that. It's got to be tough. You know? Both of them. How do you even... Kids and Brady. No, no, no.

No pussy thrown at him or her with whatever being thrown at. No, I don't know what the kids are doing today. But that's, I wonder if that's going to, I said to Dallas, it's probably going to be distraction

and, you know, guys usually get angry going through a divorce, so it's going to be fun. All of a sudden, Tom starts becoming a running quarterback and fucking running over people very slowly. But they's going to be fun. All of a sudden, Tom starts becoming a running quarterback, fucking running over people very slowly. But they're going to have a trouble in the dating

scene. Slim pickings out there, folks. Just think about it. Giselle was a zillionaire before she met Tom. Tom was well to do already. And I mean, so they're both, they're both filthy, filthy rich and combined or whether you divide it, whatever. But Tom Brady's got a $370 million, $370 million deal with Fox to do to be a football analyst. Come on. I wonder if he's just going to go, you know what? Are they going to exchange? Who gives a fuck? It doesn't to go, you know what? Are they going to exchange? Who gives a fuck? It doesn't affect my, you know what? It doesn't affect my life.

I hope they're both miserable. I feel bad for the kids. It's the kids they suffer in this. Jesus H. Christ. I don't know. It's hard to. Anyways, I'm not going to blame either one of them. It'd be funny if Tom starts

dating Lena Dunham just to shock that's what I'd do if I was that handsome and rich and felt like George Clooney when he goes to the fucking you know the Oscars I would find just I would pay some fat chick just covered in acne but I mean obese just to be mean show up Show up. You know what I mean? You don't have to pay a lot. You go, look, I'll take you to Arby's right after the Oscars. You can get whatever you want, okay? But you're coming with me tonight.

I need you on my arm. Both my arms. My leg and my neck. Look at you! You fat cat! Oh, Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. How old's the show, Dallas? Seven minutes in.

Okay. Let's go. Pipeline full of lies is the first story. You guys been following this? The Nord Stream pipeline? Or as Jean-Pierre Karine likes to call it, Nordstroms. Yeah, they blow up Nordstroms and they think

they might go after Macy's. Imagine fucking ragamuffin. You silly. Putin hates T.J. Mags. Columbia economics professor Jeffrey Sachs, live on Bloomberg, he said, he suggested that the United States and Poland were involved in the destruction of the Nord Stream pipeline, which is, of course, the pipeline that goes from Russia to Europe, you know, through Germany. And it keeps, basically, Europe warm in the wintertime. So it's a lot of leverage on Putin's part, okay?

And I want to believe this professor, but first of all, he steals B. Arthur's wig from Golden Girls. I mean, that is not real hair. It's sitting on top of his head like a divot. Anyways, I think he's right about that. You are correct. Of course it's us. Guys. Anyways, this is

so he brings it up on Bloomberg. This is what happens when you get near the truth. If you're not 100% behind Ukraine and you get near the truth, they jump. Watch the fucking fat slob on Bloomberg. Now, why would you say such a...

Go ahead, professor. From Colombia, not a right winger, by the way. Go ahead. The destruction of the Nord Stream pipeline, which I would bet was a U.S. action, perhaps U.S. and Poland. This is speculation. Jeff, Jeff, we've got to stop there. That's quite a statement as well. Why do you feel that that was a U.S. action?

You can't handle the truth. Why? Go ahead. That's fine. What evidence do you have of that? Pause. What evidence do you have that Donald Trump was a Russian agent? We did a fucking three and a half year investigation and came out.

Where do you get the balls to ask anybody what evidence you have? You bow tie wearing suck face. I cleaned that one up. I don't know why I'm on the internet. You motherless fuck stain. How's that? What evidence? You see the fucking reaction?

Because he's got that narrative. You fucking people at the network say, you know, Bloomberg's down. Listen, we're not going to. I don't want any anti-Ukraine stuff on this channel. But what evidence, you pompous? Go ahead. Well, first of all, there's direct radar evidence that U.S. helicopters, military helicopters that are normally based in Gdansk were circling over this area. We also had the threats from the United States earlier in this year that one way or another, we are going to end Nord Stream.

We also have a remarkable statement by Secretary Blinken last Friday in a press conference. He says this is also a tremendous opportunity. It's a strange way to talk if you're worried about the piracy on international infrastructure of vital significance. So I know this runs counter to our narrative. You're not allowed to say these things in the West. But the fact of the matter is, all over the world, when I talk to people, they think the U.S. did it. And then the girl chimes in at the end. Okay, we've got to change subject. Cut it off. Cut it off.

He's getting near the truth. Cut. Guy's in it. I love it. What evidence? The guy had no idea. Did you see? Well, you know, we have footage of planes, radar, U.S. over that, you know. Folks, we're playing with fire. Nobody really knows

it, but you fucking, you know, Ukraine is going to join the, join NATO, join NATO? I don't even know if it's official yet. They signed something. Do you understand? Putin's fucking nuts.

And he wouldn't put up with that. We talked about it yesterday. It's just, but all those warmongers, the Max Boots of the world and all those neocons, you know, it's what they do. It's all they know. But now here's Tony Blinken, Secretary of State. These were interesting words, a choice on his behalf. Listen to this. Ultimately, this is also a tremendous opportunity. It's a tremendous opportunity to once and for all remove the dependence on Russian energy and thus to take away from Vladimir Putin the weaponization of energy as

a means of advancing his imperial designs. That's very significant and that offers tremendous strategic opportunity for the years to come. Boy. I have a big mark! For the years to come. And you're a piece of shit. Boy, did he dance around that beautifully, didn't he? I mean, all but said, are you shitting

me? You don't think Putin did it. All Putin has to do is shut off the spigot. You don't have to destroy it. Again, I hate to be so, oh, no, our government does bad things. But come on. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved? Boy, your timing stinks today.

What were you saying? Go ahead. I was just saying, yeah, but we do. We have, I mean, to try and suggest that. Of course we do. Yeah, exactly. It's not a secret. You don't become number one by fucking playing by the rules.

Nobody, folks, just think of the world as a jungle, whatever. It's, you know, just think of the Democrats, how they play politics. They'll kill their mother. But how about Blinken? Yeah, good opportunity. He almost quoted Rahm Emanuel, don't let a crisis go to waste. Basically is what he's saying, but we created the crisis. Be funny if he said, I'm surprised he didn't come out and say, we think Donald Trump bumped

into it with his yacht, put a hole in the pipe. But it's frightening. If you watch TV and listen to the right, the smart people, guys who have been in the military, Petraeus sounds like he's been in D.C. too long. He's just buying all this. Oh, he goes, they had a clip of him yesterday. He goes, oh, if they use a nuclear strike,

well, you know, first we'll kill all the conventional and we'll hit their boats and the blacks. Oh, will you? Will you? What do you think? What do you think?

Are they throwing cherry bombs at him? Throw the trans army at him. Yeah. There you go. You want to see transition? All that money you spent on your tits, Sergeant? You'll be blown to smithereens. Oh, my God. But it's fucking hairy, and nobody's really, nobody, and it's everything they said Trump was going to do. Walk us into a world war. Remember?

Oh, my aching stem. Anyways, let's stay on international politics because it's what we do best here. North Korea launches missiles over Japan. Oh, I mean Japan. Look at that. It's kind of pretty. North Korea fired a ballistic missile over Japan Tuesday, prompting Tokyo to issue a warning for residents to take a cover. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger. Danger, Will Robinson.

Danger. No, Will Robinson. Danger. The missiles were launched from northern New Jersey, North Korea coast, and was reported by South Korea's Joint Chiefs of Staff and the Japanese Coast Guard. There's today's specials.

I don't know why we have that up. Shark fin soup and brown rice. The projectile was believed to have landed in the Pacific Ocean. I think probably intentionally. They don't want you. I mean, if you're sending a warning shot, you let it land in the ocean, then you call the guy and go,

look, that can go another fucking 200 feet. You know, they don't have the best equipment over there. But can you imagine Japan's like, after what we did, proving once again America does what we had to end World War II. But, you know, they have to be a little jittery when the siren goes off. There's still people hiding under their couch now.

And the all-clear sign came five minutes later. You can't blame them. You know, there's kids over there. They're great-grandchildren. They have four arms and two heads because of the fallout. It's not a pretty thing. And don't think it can't happen here, folks. The Japanese prime minister office issued an alert. We do have

video of the actual launch. Oh, we do? Oh, that's right. And the equipment, again, I guess Japan should be a little scared. I saw this, I was sort of relieved. Here's the actual missile. What the? If you're wondering, ladies, that's about right. Not the dick size of a pellet.

If I had a drone, I'd disguise it like that. You know what I mean? Girls at the beach, like... Guy's a dick. What? That was horrible, Nick. I know. The balls look so real.

Anyways, that's a good way to meet girls at a bar. Tony V. I might have told this joke already, folks, on the show. Tony V. was a great comedian for Boston. He's in the movie, Fourth of July. He's a great guy. And one of the, you know, one of the fucking main staples in Boston. Always just a solid, funny comic. But he used to do a bit

like back in the 80s when I first met him about subliminal ads. They were really big back then. We all right? Subliminal ads. You know what that is. It appears and you don't even realize it. Subconsciously, you get the message.

So he said him and his buddies to go into, you know, bars to try to pick up girls. They'd draw dicks on their eyelids, and while they're talking to the girls, they go like this. Still one of my favorites. Anyways, the minister of ARBs issued an alert to residents in northeastern regions of Japan. By the way, I did comedy over there, USO, and it was great. I love Japan. We actually went to a restaurant up in the hills. We had to take our shoes off and shit.

We started throwing them at the waiter. They don't like that. The other thing is you're not supposed to leave your chopsticks in the food at the end sticking up.. That's like an insult. Of course, I had everybody's head, like 11 of them. This fish head was cooked. That was my complaint. Northeastern regions to evacuate buildings nearby in what was reportedly the first such alert in five years. North Korea's series of actions, including its repeated ballistic missile launches, threatens the peace and security of Japan. If you don't believe me, listen to these guys. Then let me look around so I can ease the UN's collective mind.

Ah, you're breaking my bars here, huh? You're breaking my bars. And the international community imposes a serious challenge to the entire international community, including Japan. Japanese government spokesman, spokesperson, Harokatsu Matsuno. This guy, go to left field with the best of them. Said in a brief news conference, again, he was talking with the U.N. Do you want inspection? We inspect that, you butt-fucking piece of shit! That was Kim Jong-un.

Oh, God. The launch is the fifth round of weapons tests by North Korea in the past 10 days. In what was seen as an apparent response to military drills between South Korea and the United States. North Korea views such drills as an invasion rehearsal. I kill you. I kill you right now. You're not going to kill anybody. I'm right here. Kill me.

Okay, I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks? Come over here. Talk to me in the face. Like a somebody. They sent those up. I'm surprised they did. I guess they missed Kamala Harris's speech when she said that we're tight allies with North Korea. There's no reason to be nervous. Can you imagine that nitwit?

Oh, my. We can't get rid of these too fast enough. Boy, has she been exposed. I love it. And they'll learn nothing from the left, by the way. I'm digressing here. I understand. But to hire somebody because of their gender and skin,

and that was the only fucking reason she got the job, man, this is what happens. And they won't learn from it. They'll do it again and again. That's how much they hate their own selves. I don't know why. Anyways, guys, please take a moment and click the share button to share today's episode with a friend or a co-worker or a life partner or a skateboard.

I don't give a shit. Nothing helps this show grow as much as word of mouth. And I thank all of you who have continued to let people know about us. And it is working. Who would have guessed? Cocaine. Okay. Let's stay on international news.

Holy shit, I feel like Dan Rather in the, what's the headline? Red Army, awfully green. That means a very young soul. Social media video of Russian recruits reveals reality on the front lines. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved? I don't know. CNN's Melissa Bell, she's terrific, reports on widely circulated social media videos

of recruits talking about their poor training and equipment on the front lines. CNN has not been able to independently, even when they try to be neutral, they have to throw that in. We can't, you know, we can't independently verify this is what's going on. They don't want to make it look like, you know,

cakewalk for Ukraine. But listen, this lady, if you guys aren't watching the show and you're listening, it's like a sergeant, a woman, female Russian, talking to her young recruits and they translate the Russian for you. But they sound like

the fucking army having a little bit of problems with supplies. Go ahead. Russian President like the fucking army having a little bit of problems with supplies go ahead russian president vladimir putin's military once feared now mocked no laughing the officer says to her recruits ask your wives girlfriends mothers for period pads and tampons do you know what tampons are for? You stick it in a boat and she says it swells and closes the wound. Bring your own sleeping bag too, the men are told. On television, the hundreds of thousands being mobilized by President Putin are well equipped.

In reality, their videos on social media tell a different tale. We were officially told that there would be no training before being sent to the combat zone, this recruit says. We had no shooting, no tactical training, no theoretical training, nothing. Another officer addresses his recruits. If you have hernias, plates in your head, I was told you're fit for mobilization, he says, so stop saying you can't. I live on pills, so if I go, you'll be doing your tasks like everyone else. I live on pills?

What the fuck's that? Amber Heard? Comrade, here is something that might be of interest to you. It's called Xanax. It's a transcript of the conversation between your helicopter pilot and his commander. We intercepted Dragonfly Wolf 10. Wolf 10. Wolf 10. Oh, God. What a horrible... Dallas has done it, guys.

Dallas is the real deal. He slept over there in Afghanistan on the ground at night. We know. But, you know, at least you did it with the best still, what's left the best army in the world. But sending him off to... You got a plate in your head, tough shit. You have a fire in the restaurant, pay me. You run out of Jack Daniels, pay me.

Oh, my God, those young kids going off to slaughter. It sounds like, who the fuck knows? But we're joking about it. Meanwhile, that's being mocked on. Putin's sitting there watching that in his office. You know, the button's three feet away. Really? You think it's funny, you motherfuckers?

I'll show you. It's kind of creepy. What a time for him to lose his mind. You know, it really is a perfect shitstorm, right? Biden steals an election, has no business even being out in public never mind politics he's fucking lost his mind vice president harris putin might have cancer could be on his way this is a perfect shit storm is it not and the red socks are like fucking 40 games out of 500 i mean mean, it doesn't get any worse.

Speaking of that, Aaron Judge has like, what, two more days to get it done? Not too much pressure. Leave the guy alone. Oh, what a bad year if he doesn't, right? That's the world we live in. Oh, he tied him. It's going to cost him when they... Imagine bringing that up in negotiations. Dude, you didn't break it. I'm not going to give you, what do you want, fucking Seriano money? No. Anyways, let's move on to my favorite politician of all time. She's right from my home state here. I think this gal's terrific.

She loves white people, and she's very fair. When she loses, she admits it, and you can tell I'm so full of shit. Saw black female loser. Oh, my God. That could be Joy Reid. Oprah. No, Oprah's a winner. On Monday's broadcast of CNN's Out Front.

Did anybody know there's a show called Out Front? Anybody watching CNN? Nope. You heard it. Dallas works for Media Matters. He watches all this shit. Democratic Georgia gubernatorial nominee. I can't believe she's up for again.

Stacey Abrams answered a question on whether she will accept the ruling by an Obama-nominated U.S. District Judge, Steve Jones, against a lawsuit around that election filed by a group backed by her. It's a Fairness Voting Act group, you know, and they're trying to make all these changes based on her getting ripped off in the last election. And this judge, and again, an Obamaama appointee fucking shit all over it which is that's how off the reservation she is that even obama appointed judges like you fucking high back by her state uh stating that i stand by my complaint meaning when she was asked about you know fucking losing last time this is what she said oh what am i going to show first yeah

back in 2018 after losing to ke Kemp, by the way, by more than 50,000 votes, it's been verified. And let's show how she handled it then. Let's be clear. This is not a speech of concession. In the coming days, we will be filing a major federal lawsuit against the state of Georgia for the gross mismanagement of this election. You fat, nasty black bitch. Mm hmm. That sounded like a concession, didn't it? Let me just explain. You know what this is?

Nobody has ever said no to her her whole life. This whole shit about being a black female in America, you couldn't be at a better advantage. Everybody's afraid to not give you what you want, especially in the world of politics and the media on your side. Nobody told her, hey, grow the fuck up, you're lost. She's a spoiled little brat who's got everything up to this point. She can't believe it.

I guarantee she's in her nutty head. She believes she won. I don't mean to get mad at her, but, you know. No, no need of that. That was my sidekick, Willie. Shut it. Anyway. Here she is yesterday, still in denial and still full of shit.

She was on CNN with Aaron Burnett, and Aaron Burnett asked her about that election. And you heard her say, this is not a concession speech, which means what? I didn't lose yet. I'm not admitting to lose. Isn't that what that means? Now she's going to play word salad here and split the pubic hairs in 90 different directions. Go ahead, listen up. Would concede that you lost publicly in 2018? word salad here and split it split the pubic he has a 90 different direct ahead listen would concede that you lost publicly in 2018 in 2018 on the day i made that speech if you played the

beginning of the speech i acknowledged that i was not the governor that brian kemp won the election pause i acknowledge i i am not the governor doesn't she didn't say i acknowledged i lost he got more votes i am not I'm not the governor either, so I'm still alive in the fucking chase. I put in. You didn't know I ran down there? Didn't do well. Not a big fan of the Falcons, that hurt me.

Yeah, you can't be a Pats fan. That was my main thing during the campaign. We fucked you in the ass in that Super Bowl like nobody's business. You hear her, though? If you played the beginning of it. All's we know is you said this isn't a concession speech. See, you think you're smart, but you're an ignorant... There she is asking a subway helper how big the sandwich should be. Another fat joke. Yeah, you're goddamn right. Here, put this in your fucking how about that you like that that's right don't do that nick uh what else did she say that's it that's all we got her saying

boy i must have been in how did you go to bed last night yeah she goes on and lists a thousand things that this organization has done to fix all the voter oppression that went on. A suppression. Embarrassing. Infuck embarrassing. Even like, you don't even hear black people saying she got fucked. You know what I mean? Her constituents. It's embarrassing. But like I said, because it's America in 2022, she thinks it's owed to her. And put on your mask. Not because of COVID. I don't want to see your ugly face again.

Nick, why would you? Oh, I don't know. She yelled at me on the phone yesterday. What folks says about this family, I does. I has told you and told you that you can always tell a lady but the way that she eat in front of folks like a bird. And I ain't aiming for you to go to Mr. John Wilkinson's and eat like a field hand and gobble like a hog. I don't know why she said that.

Guys, make plans to come see me on the road. It's very lonely at the La Quinta Inn. Maybe some of you fellas can get a keg and bring it on up. We'll watch college football in the afternoon together. And then we'll clog the toilets and tub like the Who did. Here are my upcoming stand-up dates. Friday, November 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club, West Palm Beach, Florida. A great gig.

I've only done it once. Their grand opening, I was there. And the people are very nice. Rooney family. The Steelers, they own the thing. Saturday, November 12th, which is the next night, Snappers Comedy Club. And again, I've got to check if it's still

standing. And I'm not being funny here. Fort Myers got whacked, as you know. But hey, I'll do it in a friggin' Red Cross tent for you. Sunday, November 13th, a place called Sidesplitters. I have no idea. Comedy Club in Tampa, which is one of my favorite haunts.

At that show, after the show, I'll be doing a live Q&A with VIP ticket holders. So grab those before they're gone. You can get tickets to all these shows at nicktip.com. Nitwit Newsome at it again. This guy, honest to to god lefties I don't I don't know how after seeing Trump exposed and and how radical they've gotten since he's left I don't know how these people lived in this country if you hate everything about it from jaywalking to, I mean, everything. You think it's the most racist, misogynist, white, patriarchal, whatever.

How the fuck did you last this long in this country? Honestly, you hid your hate pretty good. In AOC, everybody makes fun of that dumb bitch. At least she had the balls to come out and say, no, we got to go hard. I think somebody's listening to her. Did I tell you I met her on tinder this is before I was married of course you know she was anyways governor I had a Trump hat on she went like this governor Gavin knows some handsome fella if you're gay Look at this fucking shapeshifter.

I'd like to take a nine-iron right to the side of his greasy skull. He signed a law Friday that will decriminalize jaywalking. Good to see you focused on the big problems in California. You know what I mean? Like the school system's the worst in the country. Crime through the fucking roof. Immigration, it's 10 out of, I think it's 11 out of 10 people in California from South America. You're doing a good job.

I'm glad you're tackling the big issues of jaywalking. And guess why? Ending the familiar practice of police handing out tickets to pedestrians on the argument, handing out tickets to pedestrians on the argument, brace yourselves, that the law is enforced more often against minorities than other people. It's just so ridiculous. Let me ask you a question, as the marginalized communities would say. And if you don't answer this honestly, you will because you're my fans and you get it. But I'm just saying, show this to your friend.

Really? Who? I don't care what city. I don't care if it's Burlington, fucking Vermont at one in the morning. Who's more apt to fucking walk against the light? Anywhere in the country or whatever and not get a ticket. Black people. I was in L.A. when I was living there. I'm at her fucking red light true story. I was living in Venice

I'm at a red light Going to the Comedy Store Free black kids I mean like young like 13 14 maybe Walk over the fucking hood of my car. Can you fucking imagine? Can you imagine? I said, hi, fellas, how are you? Walked over the fucking hood of my car. And in New York, I know this is anecdotal, but everybody knows what I'm talking about. The fucking last people to be getting tickets for shit like this are minorities. Shut the fuck up.

The new, they use that as an excuse to pass laws and shit. You understand? And if more black people are getting tickets because of jaywalking, it's because, you know why? They're jaywalking more than other people. Just like in New Jersey, they were getting pulled over more, apparently, on the Jersey Turnpike for speeding. They said it was racist. So you know what Jersey fucking cops did, the state cops? They set

up a speed track for a year and tracked it so you could actually see who was speeding, who was not. Guess who won? Anyways, why are you getting all fired up? I don't know. This guy thinks he's going to be president. Do you know that? He's thinking about running. The new law, AB 2147, known as the Freedom to Walk Act. Can you imagine

people reading history books fucking 50 years from now? They wouldn't let the minorities walk? Sounds like a fucking slavery thing. Freedom to walk out of Massimo's house. Could bring an end to cultural difference. This is, he, I, he can't believe that. They, he, I hate his guts, but he's not, he's not stupid.

You can't tell me he believes it. This is a vehicle they use to come up with laws like that to end a cultural difference that has marked otherwise libertine California as being uniquely deferential to laws governing pedestrian traffic there's a law out there it's called the right-of-way law I think bill Hicks does a whole bit about it. It means no matter where you are,

listen to Bill Hicks' bit about it, because he lived out there, too. No matter where you are on the street, if you put your foot down and say, I'm going to cross the street here, cars have to stop immediately. I was there a week, and I said, let me tell you guys why this is the dumbest law I've heard of because people

and I saw it happening I saw people almost getting hit I don't know how many times in LA because the law says they have the right of way but that doesn't change the fact that I'm in a vehicle not paying attention so they would cross the street without even checking both ways that's the fucking mentality created as opposed to like on the East Coast We do it like adults you wait till the traffic goes by then you fucking run across the street

You don't put your foot one guy seriously I They explained it to me I could and Bill Hicks fuck it has a whole bit of Which is tremendous. Yeah, try pulling that shit in New York, he goes, guy crosses in front of, boom, just turn on your wipers. The difference between Californians who ostensibly

tend to obey don't walk signals, exactly, ostensibly, and urban dwellers elsewhere in the country who are notoriously defiant when it comes to crossing against traffic. Really? They had a white guy? This is the type of shit I'm talking about. This is what I saw in LA while there was on Sunset. I'm not kidding you because people just say, oh, the law's on my side. You know what I mean? But watch this.

This is sort of what I saw a few times a day out there. Like a little red riding hood out there. like a little red riding hood out there. Just not. Do you believe this is what he's focusing on, though? Do you believe it? And people will go, yeah. The bill's sponsor, by the way, he got recalled, I think. Nick, they counted the votes.

Oh, did they? The bill's sponsor, Assemblymember Phil Ting. Oh, did they? The bill's sponsor, assembly member, Phil Ting. Oh my God, a dumb Asian person? Phil Ting. Phil Ting. Phil Ting. Isn't that a sex move by gay guys, Phil Ting? You know what, Phil Ting.

Phil Ting. I went to school with his cousin, Squirt. Good night, everybody. Democrat, San Francisco, celebrated the governor's action. Oh, my God. We've even ruined Asian people. They used to be the smartest. Celebrated the governor's action in a statement on Friday.

Quote, it should not be a criminal offense to safely cross the street when expensive tickets and unnecessary confrontations with police impact only certain communities. You guys are fucking, that's the mentality out there. And I told you, when people live out there long enough, you start to buy into it. I swear to God, fucking, they've created their own little delusional bubble. Impact only certain communities.

And you know, you should never hear from like a black cop saying this is bullshit. They never interview the other side. It's always a one-sided story. Look, there's the Beatles. No problem. It's time to reconsider how we use our law enforcement resources and whether our jaywalking laws really do protect pedestrians. Oh, my fucking God.

No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. I agree. The new law allows. Okay, this says the new law allows prevents. Folks, this is journalism in 2022. The new law allows prevents. Now, this would happen to me in college if I was studying

for a test about this. And then you go, what? The new law allows prevents. I think they want to say prevents law enforcement officers from stopping pedestrians for jaywalking only when it is obvious the person crossing the street is immediate danger, which is every time a black guy crosses the street, of a collision with a moving vehicle or other device moving exclusively by human power. Translator, please. Uh-oh, retard alert. Retard alert.

Guys, that's what they're concentrating on. That is the worst. That has been a one-party state for about 50 years, and that's why it is falling into the fire. It's just the worst. Schools, drugs, crime, everything. And that's what they want the rest of the country to look like. There used to be a saying, you know,

as goes California, goes the rest of the country. And let's hope that, I don't know. Finally, tonight? I have a good grasp of the time. Finally, tonight on the show? Personal foul, roughing the asshole. So many ways

that could go. Yes. Dallas? That's not where mine went. Thank you. So many ways that... All right, that's a good... Roughing the ass. See a gay guy throwing a flag at his... Hey, you're piling on.

Personal foul horse collar. Throw my challenge flag. Personal flower. Flower? That is the best gay joke ever. Remember when a gay guy goes to a, it's an old street joke, so you probably,

gay guy gets rushed to the hospital. He's got something jammed up his ass. The doctors are in there. They pull out a dozen roses. And then the doctor goes, it's a dozen roses in your eye. And he goes, oh, read the card. Read the card.

Best joke ever. A man went streaking during, first of all, And he goes, oh, read the card. Read the card. Best joke ever. A man went streaking during, first of all, Ryan, I think the kid's name is who wrote this. It's not a streaker. A streaker has to be naked. Do you understand? So right off the bat, I'm trying to read your article, even though it's something simple like this. I go, these kids are fucking nitwit.

A man went streaking. No, he didn't. He had shorts and a t-shirt on during the second quarter last night, Monday night's football game. By the way, the Rams got throttled in impressive fashion by the 49ers. Jimmy G seems like that type of guy who's destined to win one with somebody. I don't know. Anyways, the guy ran out on Monday Night Football, and he ran out between the San Francisco Niners and the Rams at Levi's Stadium. What is this, a plug? And he got absolutely demolished by – who says demolished? Huh?

How about laid out? How about blown up? How about fucking whatever. I imagine him blowing up when he's hit. When you say demolished, it's shitty poor choice. That's how you know it was a figure skater who wrote the article. Look at this guy. Apparently he had bubble issues in his ass.

He's leaving a trailer. Absolutely demolished by Rams defenders. Bobby Wagner, who's the last guy you want to get hit by by the way he's the best fucking other than Aaron Donald um and uh Tack McKinley my old roommate Tack uh while it wasn't shown by cameras on main ESPN telecast Joe Buck made an allusion to the hit in his commentary by saying the two defenders had had enough. Here comes part of me. I don't know why.

I hate this guy because he's an activist. But I get a kick. Folks, I know that people are jerks, but I get a kick out of, like, drunk guys who they don't get on easy. They're like, I don't know. don't know it's it's funny the older I get the more tolerance I have for idiocy I guess I realize life doesn't mean shit go ahead fucking take a dump on the law okay let's watch pinky tuscadero here get laid out there you go oh yeah there he is yes. That's what we're talking about. You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that?

That's Wagner right there. The Manning cast, you know, the Manning brothers who are having a blast. I fucking love those guys. On ESPN, too. I don't watch them, but I'm just saying they're both funny. Showed the hit. We should be able to show that hit, Peyton Manning declared. His wish was the producer's demand.

Again, not the fucking streaker. Sorry to be a stickler. The guy in shorts. You don't even mention he's a friggin' he's got pink smoke pouring out of him. It's like a fire at a fuckin' Victoria's Secret. The streaker ran across the field and got pancaked. It is not unprecedented for NFL players to step in

and end the runs of idiots on the field. This past January, Stephon Diggs leveled a fan during a playoff game between the Bills and the Chiefs. But the guy who started it all, folks, that's how old, I'm 60. And the Baltimore Coats were good when I was a kid. They had a middle linebacker named, if you guys are football fans,

you've probably seen this on NFL film, Mike Curtis. Fucking little white dude. And he was little even from back then. I mean, but as mean as a snake. He just died a couple years ago. It made me very sad. But Mike Curtis, linebacker of the Colts. A drunk guy runs on

the field, picks up the football. I want you to keep your eye when the guy gets hit. How about the fact this guy has the balls to pick up the football? And this was on national TV. So the guy, keep your eye on the ball where it goes when he gets decked by

a boy, Mike Curtis. Watch this. First down. Let's see that again. That's how you clean up a drunk. He still has the best hit on a civilian. Don't you think? Watch this. He still has the best hit on a civilian. Don't you think?

Watch this. The ref didn't even look down at the kid. The ref's like, where do we mark? What is it? Got to put the clock back two seconds. Now that's how you take care of a guy. That's how Mike Curtis played too, man. He was a fucking beast that's it

ladies and gentlemen I like that show we went from Kim Jong Un to fucking jaywalking to this guy getting his clock cleaned back in 1968 don't forget cameo oh I gotta do my cameo it's got one day left for this kid I've been very busy

I took in some kids from Fort Myers. Like five girls co-eds. Listen. Don't forget cameo.com if you'd like me to roast a friend or relative. Go to cameo. Go to nickdip.com. Click on the merchandise button if you want to buy hoodies. It's getting cold up there.

I noticed watching a game last night. Socks. Imagine I'm still watching. And noticed watching a game last night. Socks. Imagine I'm still watching. And I'd just like to see what's coming up. Everybody's already bundled up there. I feel so good to be done. It's going to be 74 today. Anyhow, any he.

You guys think and I'll say it. You're very welcome. See you back here tomorrow at the same time. Take care. guitar solo Outro Music