The Nick DiPaolo Show - Naked Suspect Shot Dead | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1816

Episode Date: November 11, 2025

In this episode, Nick talks about A Romanian German Nazi, De Blasio's Love Life, Black Violence in Australia, Born Without A Brain, Bill's Allen Fined Again, A FL Woman's Ashes and A Naked Dead Guy! Support the show by going to http://hims.com/NICKDIP for your personalized ED treatment options. Watch Nick on the FREE RUMBLE LIVE LINEUP at 6pm ET https://rumble.com/TheNickDiPaoloShow TICKETS - Come see me LIVE! For tour dates and tickets -  https://nickdip.com MERCH - Grab some snazzy t-shirts, hats, hoodies,mugs, stickers etc. from our store! https://shop.nickdip.com/ SOCIALS/COMEDY-  Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy -  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

Welcome, folks, to the live lineup where you get my show, Louder with Crowder, all these other great shows for free. And if you want to watch it all ad free, sign up for Rumble premium. Don't forget to download the Rumble app. Today I'll be talking. Well, let me just start. It's a good time to. I'm about, I'm not saying I'm going to change the show completely.

I'm tired of politics. What? I know a lot of people get my news, your news. for me because you tell me after the live shows and stuff. So I'll still give, but I'm just tired of talking about Trump. I'm tired of talking about the Democrats. I'm just, it's making me angry around the clock. I don't need help with that.

I was angry before I had a podcast, went to a shrink for it many years ago. So it's, it's bleeding into my life. I'm starting to go, maybe this is why I don't sleep. I go to bed fucking angry and I wake, and I'm just tired. I'm tired of it. It's affecting, you know, my relationship, my wife. I made her sleep in the shed last night. No.

But it's true. And she doesn't fucking deserve it. I'm just tired of it. And no, this isn't coming from her. This is coming from fucking me. I'm tired of doing point out. I'm pointing out the same double and triple standards that the media uses, the Dems use. I'm just tired of pointing out that the Dems are, they're not even a political party anymore.

They're a fucking literally, you know, a, a. movement to overthrow this government. And that's not fucking hyperbole. I'm just tired of it all. So I'm going to be bringing a lot of stories that aren't that if I can find them. That's the thing. Christ's sake, I was up to 2.30 in the morning scrolling. Everything is like politics because everything's so fucked up. But there are stories, you know, there's stuff, you know, the stories that I've been bringing that are political, I'm going to do more of that. Today, there's one story that's closest I come to politics today, I think,

is Bill de Blasio. And it's not even about his politics. Cheating on his wife. And I fucking, he's an asshole if I could take a shot at him. I will. So, what else that I have in there? Lips Eat and Lips. I don't even remember what that one was.

But. That's de Blasio. Oh, that's Toblasio. There's another one that might be a little, but do you get my drift, folks? I don't, I might come in here with no I might come here with five bullet points. And the only problem is the show is a fucking hour, you know. So I have to have something to talk about. But I'm just tired of it.

I'm tired of fucking pulling the same old horseshit. It doesn't just go over this show. Last night, I didn't even watch the fucking Sunday night game, which I haven't done in years. I just said, fuck the, I didn't watch. What am I saying? I didn't watch any of the game. I didn't watch the afternoon gates.

I caught a little glimpse here and there, but I'm just, you know, college football is good enough for me on Saturday from noon to midnight. I'm just trying to make some fucking changes. Don't worry, the edge is always going to be there. But even stand-up-wise, you know. People, you know, and I've been reading this for years. I liked it when he was funny.

And those are people who hate my politics. Because if you're seeing me live, I'm as funny as I've ever been, in my opinion. And what do you mean by that? I don't do my, like that guy said, I forget that. I gotta find though who actually said it. There's two comedians, people argue over, who said, my act is something I do when I don't, when I don't feel like being funny.

And that's exactly. And you can still get huge laughs with your act, but I'm way funnier when I abandon it and just go up there and not know what's coming next. And I'd like to do more of that. It doesn't lend itself to putting out specials and whatever the, fuck. But I'm just

tired of this shit. Anyways, first story. Mitch McConnell. No. Somebody does him online. Somebody, some kid does him. He was doing it. Matter of fact, he's so good, they had him at the Capitol or somewhere. And he was doing McConnell.

Or some, maybe it was just a bunch of lobbyists at some part. I don't know. It was the fucking greatest impression you've ever seen. I'm going to study it. Because I was doing Macon a long time. I've been like, why's you got to do? Been here 50 years.

He's got no neck and I left my chin in the shitter. But do you get my drift? That doesn't mean I'm not. Look, if Trump tomorrow you know, throws a rock at somebody and hits him, I'm going to report it. I'm just saying I'm doing the best I can to avoid it.

So you might notice a change in the show. I don't know. I'm just saying, I'd rather show up and fucking talk off the top of my head, but you can't do that for a fucking hour. People get bored. Weekend, how was your weekend, boys and girls? Mine was a, I cooked my balls off like a half a fig. I, yeah, I was having a blast. What did I do? Fucking eggplant roll itini. Do you know what that is? Folks, just Google it. Me and my wife had it in North Beach in San Francisco about 28 years ago. And it's just eggplant and you cut it real thin and then you fry it. And then it's basically lasagna instead of using noodles, you use an eggplant and you roll it up.

It's got ricott in it, mozzarella, grated parmesan. And I put a layer of prosciutto in it. And then you roll it up. So it's a roll. And you know, put it seam down. And you wouldn't think it would roll up and once it's fried, but it's fucking eggplant. It's like a dirty whore. It really puts out. What's that?

It soaks it up nice. It swallows it. Sure. You heard. Already, we get a new show. It's called the porn cooking segment with Nick and Dell. Yeah, that was so fucking good. Oh, my ache and stem was that good. And what's the other egg plant? My fucking memory, I was just trying to think of this before the show, and I couldn't come up with the two things. Wow. Oh, eggplant meatballs, which... Did we ever do that on the cooking segment? I want to say we...

No? I don't have to look. I think we have. You want to... Guys, if you like eggplant, you want the best friggin... They had them, they're fucking good. Yes. I remember giving you one.

And I... Dude, that's... Oh, my. They were the size of a golf ball, and they brought it on the outside. And just... The perfect... appetite, whatever, if you were having a party

or something, or a Super Bowl party and shit. The size of a guy, you can swallow them whole. The problem is, is I wouldn't let anyone else eat them. No, I know. I did. I knocked my wife silly. I pushed her over the couch, and she threw it up my head. She said it was over-cooked. It was a real raging bull scene. I've been hearing things, Joey.

What? Watch the first two episodes of that, of the documentary. Oh, you did? Of the docu-dacus series? Yeah, it's fucking fantastic. Yeah, and it only gets better, because it's going to get into the, you know, the raging bull and the fucking isn't it fascinating how he grew up and there's that priest in the neighborhood

who actually they go this guy was a tough guy before he was a priest he was tuning up guys who ended up being mobsters what a let me say something about my people the Italian we are the best example of immigrant

American experience and maybe the Germans and Polacks want to argue but don't um I'm just saying we put out some very creative funny people anyways uh and what else oh i made friggin smoke sausage and chicken gumbo i actually sent dale it's a picture of the rue look that's sound like my barefoot contessa here like i said i cook my balls up that it's it's an emmel legasi recipe that i made 25 years ago he was the head chef at brennan's in fucking new orleans which is

like one of the most popular restaurant in New Orleans. And they gave a Yankee from Fall River, Massachusetts. The job is head shut. And just Google smoke sausage and chicken gumbo. Mother of it. And I made it on a Thursday night, and we didn't have it until Sunday, which is the way you should do it. My aching stem.

Oh, over rice. Anyways, that's the cooking segment. Now let's talk about, you know what, STDs. You know, I don't know. What else did I want to? I'll be on Stephen Crowder's show Wednesday morning in studio live with him in the Texas area and Thursday.

So check that out. I'll be political there because I have to be. I don't even know if me mention it I'm not going to be overly political will bother this fucking lineup. Whatever. Had it. What else?

Roll a tini. What's this? Purple vagina. What does that mean? No, I'm kidding. Oh, I thought I saw a guy die in a bark. I'm at this place called Boom. He's where I hang out to watch college football.

And I was there yesterday. I went in on a Sunday. And there's a black guy sitting two seats down for me, older than me, which is pretty, when you're a black dude, that's pretty good. He's got the glasses. And he's screaming at the TV, like black folks will do, draw attention.

Nobody else is yelling on the bar. And he's fucking screaming. And it turns out his cousin is the defensive coordinator for the Ravens. So he was yelling shit out. Anyway, so he's screaming shit out. And all of a sudden, I'm talking to this guy next to me, in between me and the black guy. He's from Boston originally. And then it's going, oh, quiet and shit.

The guy, the Boston guy had left. And I see the bartender, Jamie, come down and go to the guy, Warren, Warren. And I look next to me. And the black guy's like this. Eyes closed, glasses in his hand. And she literally goes like this to him and he doesn't move. And I'm going, this is excellent. I got a story for the opening of the show.

I go, what? So I launched her and he didn't move. And she walks away and I go, is he all right? She goes, yeah, I guess. I guess. I think she said I guess. She said, no, he's fine. And I go, I'm staring at him.

that I started to stare at his chest to make sure it was going in and out, which it was. But it was so funny, all this scream and all of a sudden dead silence. And then I'd say, I say he was out for about five minutes. And then he woke up like nothing happened.

I just sat there and going, God, I wish I could sleep like that. But I thought I was going to see the, you know, the fucking ambulance pull up. And yeah, I mean, he's an old black dude. El Stroko, you know, Sugarfoot, all that shit. They grow up on cherry Coke and fucking

movie candy. That's what Colin said. Colin had a bit about something black, talking about black people. He was describing his ride down to the comedy cell on the subway and how crazy it was. He goes, there's two black guys throwing snow caps at each other.

That's fucking of course he has to pick the funniest fucking. Anyhow, did I cover everything? Yeah, don't forget Crowder. Good enough. Let's get to it. Did I say what I was me talking about? I didn't even get to that. Did I? I did? No. Oh, yeah, you're right. De Blasio and all that other pooh. A little bit of violence in Australia, the kind that we like. Let's get to the headline. His blood type was a negative. Get it? It was a negative in this story.

Did you hear the curly? The fucking Alabama curly over there? A jerk. A jerk. German man allegedly used his own blood to paint swastik. What a hack. Who hasn't done that? On buildings and nearly four dozen cars in a sleepy central town outside of Frankfurt, investigators tested the substance, which revealed it was, guess what, folks, ragu, that shitty sauce that nobody ever. No, it was human blood. There's a picture of it. How did we know? I could have sketched that at my house. The next day, police used a witness tip to trace the blood back to a 31-year-old Romanian citizen who they arrested at his home. He was still under the strong influence of alcohol.

He said he had two old duels and a shot of fireball. No. And his motive appears to be highly personal and job-related. He just snapped, Leopold said. Well, yeah. I mean, you know, probably had a Jew boss. Things didn't go right. hates Jews.

Hate Jews. He hates Jews. The assailant was injured when he was apprehended and his wounds appeared to be self-inflicted. He was having a bad day. Bad day at the office. The suspect was booked in a psychiatric hospital. Well, if that's the case, I mean, you should book the whole Democrat Party over here. They hate you.

Oh, by the way, and I'll just throw this in to prove I'm not. The fucking shutdown apparently is over. they came to an agreement, I don't give a fuck. It makes the Democrats look bad. That's all I know. And there's wicked infighting going on. Because five Democrats crossed over to be with Republicans. And the fucking, you know, the far left, the AOCs of the world,

and the spurty Sanders are going crazy. Chuck Schumer's got to go because they fucking caved in. And people were starving. And it was on the Democrats and everybody knew it. So you know, Schumer, who's at all, whatever. Anyway. Let it burn. Yeah.

So it's, exactly. So it's probably over. I'll find out when I'm at the airport coming back from fucking Dallas on Thursday. Did you see all the flights that were canceled? Oof. Anyways, did I do this? And now Mayor Claus Kaminsky

was appalled by the attack and noted that the community is still working to put these pieces back together after a domestic terrorist attack in February of 2020. I remember that. in which a government specifically killed nine people with immigrant backgrounds at a hookabah. Excuse me.

I read that originally as a hookah bar because that's how a Boston guy was. I go, really? Was it, were they in selfie? Yeah, he got shot at a hookabar. Hooker. You ever take a hookah? I got sick to my stomach. Some guy was an Egyptian guy.

They had a good guy at the comedy seller. And he brought his hookah at one night. It was the restaurant next door And I was sucking on that thing Like it was a vape Before there were vapes And I walked out of there All of a sudden I was like

Oh, I got all pale and sweaty Maybe he had some bad hash I've done it in Cutter Oh shit I don't know if those I don't was there hash in it? Probably I don't know I can't remember I thought it was just good old fun

You know fashion fun I don't know Especially in our city the guy said Which was deeply affected By the racist attack On February 19th of 2020 Such an act causes deep consternation, he said, adding that the city had filed a criminal complaint.

Does it really cause deep consternation in Frankfurt, Germany? I got to believe there's still a few grandfathers that are doing this in the mirror before they go to bed. You know what I mean? So, yes, that's, you know, when I see people writing in blood, it reminds me, I got a story for it. Here's the one thing about getting old. You've got a story for everything. And when I hear about that, it reminds me two things, actually. Mark Bavarro, as you know, great tight end for the New York Giants back in the 80s, or 90s, I should say,

who I played high school ball with. When he signed his letter, and I think he must have stole this from Matt, I forget a guy for the Oakland radius, but when he signed his letter of intent to go to Notre Dame, I think he signed it in blood. And that wasn't an original. Matt, what was the guy's name? Matt Millen. You guys remember from the Oakland Raiders, he was a lineback, a tough guy. When he went to Penn State, he signed it.

He signed it. And so I don't know. Maybe I'm confusing to it, but somebody told me Bavaro did it too. I don't know. I do know that Bavaro at Notre Dame had broken his forearm and he was missing some time. They told him to keep the cast on for, I don't know, like four to six weeks. He cut it off himself at home like week three. with one of those

so he could play. These guys are different. Anyhow, isn't that terrific? I took a Nazi Jew story turned it into NFL this week. My goodness. Hey, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, mostly guys,

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Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. We thank them for sponsoring the show today. Hymns. It's nice to have something male. Do you know they have a hers now? I go, I knew it. My wife goes,

why, you want to get 100% of the market? I go, are there a lot of women out there that can't get it up? And she goes, today, yeah. That's true. I'm thinking it's like 19 fucking, excuse me, 75. All right, let's move along, shall we? And by the way, folks, that we're watching the show. If you want to comment on what I'm talking about as far as a change in tone, whatever,

you let me, you can mention online. We'll read the emails. Anyways, in our libs, eating libs. And this is close as political as I come, I think, today, really. Former, I might be wrong. Excuse me, former New York City mayor of Bill de Blasio. You remember him. Terrific guy.

Is back on the market after an alleged affair with an out-of-state elected official. put the breaks on his 10-month-old relationship with progressive activist, Nomiki Const. Boy, that last name must have been trouble in high school. Look at that. That's a nice picture. If you take De Blasio out of it, it gets even nicer. The couple went public with their courtship February with De Blasio, 64, saying at the time he in Const, I wonder if he's still pronouncing it like that. 41 were kindred souls who had known each so she was a devil too is what you're telling me

who had known each other for a long time yep yep yep yada yada yada yada yada i first went oh too bad for her then i went no no if she found an asshole like that impressive and admirable you get what you deserved but 10 months later and the erstwhile happy couple is no more with sources saying the former the young Turks investigative reporter that's her and oh and I'm sorry yeah she worked for the young term and Bernie Sanders that'll chip up the old campaign surrogate was less she worked for Bernie Sanders I you know him he probably pinched her ass twice like I like the pants I think she's wear him on Tuesday

surrogate was left devastated after allegedly being two-timed by the former mayor The way it all went down was even worse than what he fucking did. She was really, really happy. And then when it happened, I was like, what? Said one source whom conched confided in. Nice looking little late. He's a look at that dorkage left wing piece of all that crap he believes in. And you left.

It's just hilarious. It's already dated. It feels silly. And oh, let me make one more point, too. It's kind of political. I'll be in the racial realm as not racial, as the cultural realm, which is downstream from politics or vice versa. So, you know, you know who I am and what I'm doing, but I don't want to get into minutia anymore about all the other shit. Oh, please, let me not forget what I was going to say.

Oh, I had a great point. Not racial. Oh, my God, this is frightening. I'll get back to it. I'll remember. She was so empathetic, even though she was the very very very. and this is her friend talking. But he just kept hurting her.

He did. Here's some audio. This is them at a pool in Puerto Rico and he's twisting her nipples. True story, almost. The problem was the public face aspect of it all. It was just horrible. Hey, who asked you?

And this is what Bill. Bill sent this picture in when he read the story saying, see, she's always up my ass. The pair was spotted. together, sport in New York City mayor-elect Zoran Mandami shirts. Oh, you deserve each other. At a no-kings protest, October 18th, smiling broadly with their arm around each other. Sources said the breakup, which happened sometime between then and election day, came about

after Blas. Blas. By the way, this guy eats pizza with a fork and knife. Can imagine him he's living in New York? They should have hanged them in time square. What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? Nothing.

My mother used to have silver. Skinny fuck ought to order a sign. Came about after Blas struck up an affair with an elected official from out of state whose identity is not yet known. Probably a guy.

No, Mickey and I had a lovely relationship for 10 months. This is Bill talking now. I have deep respect for her. Yeah, we can tell. You have finger popping. that walked by the office, you big dink. And what she stands for, which is communism like me.

And I hope we can have a real friendship in the future. I'm guessing that's what she wants, you two-time and cocksucker. And I'm not saying just libs and dems. Okay, that crosses party lines. Men just, you know. But I think when the live, when, you know, Bill does it, it has to be somebody politically aligned with him. Wait a minute.

Oh, yeah, I was going to say, wait a minute, wait a minute. he had a black wife. Yeah, that may prove your point. By the way, they're still technically legally married. Remember, Shirley McCrane, whatever the fuck her face was? Remember a billion dollars? They had a program going to raise money and that disappeared. Next thing, she's seen on a fucking, you know, in a Lincoln.

A Lincoln? What is it, 68? Yeah, with her pimp. She sort of just went out of the picture. In September of 2023, DeBlazio was spotted indulging in a marathon makeout session. with a mystery woman at the Upper West Side's Empire Rooftop Bar. I don't know if I can play much more of that. It's Dennis's, I think.

Three months later, he was spied, taken out another woman who was still married, had an Adam's apple in huge forearms. But he appeared to have dropped both for const. Wow. De Blasio just signed a contributor deal with CNN. Wow. What a shock.

A far-left lunatic politician. got out of politics and is now working at CNN or will be. Wow. Wow. Last month and it's been out in the public eye at events in support of Mandami.

They both deserve each other. I don't care who got hurt there. I really don't. I tell you, no kids. I tell you. What I tell you? I tell you. Don't you ever try to fuck me?

Now, it's because a thumbs up with that one. I'm not, uh, Let's move on to the universal problem. What does that mean, Nick? Well, I wrote the title. A U.S. country music star has shared footage of an ugly incident at a Melbourne McDonald's in which a female staffer was allegedly abused and spat at. Now, let me ask you a question.

When you read that and if somebody put a gun to your head or said, I'm going to kill your family if you don't get the question right, what color was the suspect? Now let me ask you, what would you say, you liberal jerkoffs? This is, by the way, comes under culture, not politics. Remember that. There'll be plenty of this still. That doesn't go away. Anyways, in which a female staff allegedly abused and spat at.

That's, again, it's Tarek Hill. No, what was it? There's something wrong with the black man mine. There's something wrong with it mine. Drew Baldridge, who has been touring Australia with Jellyroll, I like jelly roll. I don't know his music, but I like him. I watch him on American Idol.

He seems like a real down. He was a crazy fuck back in the day. If you don't believe me, look at his face. He's got $4,000 worth the ink on his fucking bridge of his nose. Praise the actions of two men who stepped in and pinned the alleged black fella to the ground. To the ground. This is in Australia.

This is in Melbourne. Thus the title of the story. Universal Problem. Oh, Nick. That's horrible. I know. Let's take a look. From the country, if you want to abuse, women. Saturday the night, we were in Melbourne McDonald's.

This dude comes in. I don't know what he was on, but he goes up to the girl at the desk, taking the order, and he just said, F you, you dumb beat. I'm saying that. Am I on? He probably said it like five times. Oh, my God.

And I was starting to get frustrated. And I was like, bro. Bro. You need to calm down. You know, you don't talk to women like that. Then he spit on her. Spit on a woman just because his order wasn't right. I don't know what it was.

And about that time, this other dude come over. He said, hey, bro, we don't talk to women like that. And before I know it, these dudes got this dude on the ground. And the guys were holding them down saying, wrong country to abuse women. Mate, wrong country if you want to abuse weather, mate. That's Mexico. It's a matter with you. What the fuck's the matter with you? How about these two white Australian, that's Australian fellas? The ones that don't, you know, because Australia politically, that one,

they weren't haywire too, but they stepped in here and did what you do. White power, one, two, three, four. That was the band screw. Moving up, five. notches this week. Next, a song from the deep south, a love letter to a Aryan race member who was in the can. And after that, a nice reading from Mind Comph. There you go. And there have been rising complaints about safety in Victoria's capital in recent times with a federal opposition, excuse me, leader, Suzanne. And Leigh or Lee, L-E-Y, calling Melbourne, Australia's Crime Capital last month.

Data from Victoria's Crime Statistics Agency released in September showed 638,640 criminal offenses were recorded in 12 months to the end of June, 15.7%. The footage shared by Baldridge has been, that's funny. You didn't break down the stats, though, did you? Racially. You just had to put that out there. someday you'll grow up and go, it might not be as bad as here. All as I know, and we all know the statistic here,

black fellas make up 6% of the total population here, but 70% of the violent crime. That's all I'm saying. Well, they'll get this shit together. I won't be around to see you, but the footage shared by Baldridge has been widely shared online, drawing more than 100,000 views on multiple X accounts.

People, you know, why is that, folks? Ask yourself that, huh? I guess a lot of people related. People have also applauded the actions of the two men with one fan writing on Instagram. What you experienced then, mate, was real Australian men. But somebody also pointed out, if this was done over here in New York,

the white guys would be in trouble. They'd be on trial for violating his civil rights and getting physical. And thus, you keep that up year after year, decade. And you end up like London, which is where you fucking headed. I mean, Mandami, good luck. I can't wait for this shit to kick up.

Remember he already hired an all-female transition team? And then he asked for money, like to pay them or something already. And then somebody went to one of his functions after he won the other night and was charged $13 for something, a drink or a fucking, he couldn't believe it. He goes, I thought it would all be free. And he was dead serious because that's what he stands for. Already he's a fucking asshole. Hasn't even get out of the gate yet.

Nick, you're not going to be political. That's it. I keep forgetting. It'll get out of my system, like diarrhea, a couple rounds. Here's me getting off politics, the nice heartwarming, funny as hell story. Headline, I left my brain in San Francisco. San Francisco got nothing to do with this story, by the way. I just couldn't think of anything and had to pee real bad.

A miracle, that's in quotes. A miracle Nebraska. a woman born without a brain. Really? Yeah. Defy the odds as her family marked her 20th birthday, decades after parents were told she'd never make it to five. And I argue she didn't still. That's just my argument. I think it's a good one. And again, here's where I part ways with the far right of the, you know, of the conservative movement. whatever you want to call it. And I could be wrong.

She could be happy as hell. I don't think so. Alex Simpson turned 20 years old on November. That's pretty amazing, though. They told her three? Is that what they said? She'd be dead at three? She looked at the doctor and she goes,

I'm staying right here. That's her voice. Simpson's parents had been told she was a healthy child, but she wasn't. Until a checkup, two months later revealed that their daughter had hydran ocephaly. And I've seen this, by the way.

Well, I've seen a form of this. When I was a groundskeeper at the Nutt House in my hometown of Massachusetts, it was the biggest state mental institution. It was built in the 1800s. And biggest one in the country at that time, the creepiest place you've ever seen. David Caruso made a movie about it. I mean, as that as the setting.

And they used the actual. And that was 25 years after I worked at. And it still looked the same. Oh, it's creepy. it's something nine uh look up caruso and something more whatever you'll love it it's like a sea movie but it's fucking creepy as hell anyhow why did i bring that because you had the nut house and right next to that they had i forget what they called it but it was for severely retarded kids and you know and literally they they'd get off you know i'm talking in a wheelchair can't move and right now you guys are home and going where you're going with this it's a comedy show i'll find something but I know it was hydro the hydro means you know hydro it's literally water on the brain and and their heads were you know of course I'm on my sit down with cutting the grass making jokes killing ripping the tits off the crowd not with them um here's a funny one and this isn't about the retard and they did they broke your heart I would look away when I was fucking working there but uh the nuts the cuckoos they were fun you had to be careful if they were behind you you and shit. It was kind of fun working there.

I told you they'd lay on the lawn. I had to cut this big, and they would lay on the grass, and I would cut around them. So when they'd get up, it looks out. I made cuckoo cookies, I called them. You know what I mean?

That's a fucking outlaw. That's a true story. Why? I was like telling that. Oh, fuck. I was going somewhere with that about the fucking nuts. Oh, yes. There was, and one of the cuckos was looking out the window, and it was a young woman.

I say young, maybe, I don't know, in her 30s or late 20, I don't know. But she had huge cans, and they were pressed against the window. And I'm, my boss happened to be talking to me, he's leaning on a rake, and then he looked up, he goes, oh, Jesus. So I look up, I go, and I go, God, what a fucking shame. And he goes, what, that you can't get out of him? I go, no bit. They're wasted on a retina, fucking mental case. He was, his name was Eddie Bordman, my boss,

ex, he's a Vietnam vet. He sort of looked like you, a lot like you. His beard was longer, though, more of a zizi top look, but gray and shit. And he was crazy as, like, you know, crazy as they fucking come. Well, any day, one day we were walking, and this knot spits at my boss. It lands like right on his shoulder.

And my boss fucking, I see him, and I go, Just chill, man. So we keep walking. This is like a week later, maybe two weeks later. Here he comes again, the kid. We're walking down a hallway.

Here comes the kid. And my boss, I'm walking. My boss punches him right in the stomach. Fucking grown. Do you understand if anybody saw that? Even back then, he would be in jail. Today he'd be in prison. He fucking whacked him right in the stomach.

A kid was bent over for a fucking five. I can't say his last name. Eddie B. God, I loved him. He used to hate me. He goes, pretty boy. You're the type of guy that only fucks ten. I go, yeah. Yeah, no, I should do a six because you can't get a fucking three. Fuck out of here. He used to get mad at me. Anyways, we have video of this story.

Don't we? Is this her in a dance competition? When Lorena and Sean Simpson welcomed their daughter Alex in 2005, they were told everything was typical with their new baby girl. until a doctor's appointment on New Year's Day. Dr. Davy came in with his nurses and said, you guys need to sit down. This is pretty serious.

Alex was diagnosed with hydrinacephaly. It means that her brain is not there. Not half a brain, her whole brain. Now technically she has about half the size of my pinky finger in the back in her cerebellum. That's all she had, her cerebrate, Pinky size of a pinky. They call it hydro and cephal.

A lot of people call it being Polish. At the time, the Nebraska family were told Alex wouldn't live past four years old, and they were like, yeah, my Christ, can't afford this shit. I get sad. I know I have a funny way of showing it. This is how I handle grief. Remember my father's funeral?

I did the eulogy, and I was banned from the church circuit. The fucking priest was like a military guy didn't like me. 20 years ago, we were scared, but faith, I think, is really what kept us alive. Sean Simpson, Alex's father told the TV state. And let me just say that it really is amazing. People who have children born like this and they're like, we're not aborting it. Even they'll, they know beforehand, which is pretty God. Yeah, that makes you a better person than me. I'm just saying, oof, though Alex is, I think, I don't know. I don't have to, you don't know if the thing's suffering inside or not? I don't.

That looks like me after a hangover. Not after, during. Though Alex is missing the parts of the brain capable of seeing and hearing, her family believes, oh, so she's a Democrat, too. She's more aware than people think. Now, how do you know that? Say somebody's stressed around her. Nothing will even happen.

It could be completely silent, but Alex, the poor girl, will know. She'll feel something. S.J. Alex's 14-year-old brother told the outlet. Now, if I'm the guy I interview him, I go, how the fuck you know that? And then people go, you're an asshole. Okay, sorry. Alex's strength inspires the whole Simpson family who call her a miracle. Again, that's just my take.

And I hope I'm wrong. I hope she's not suffering in there. But Jesus, H. I think your brain is going soft. Come on, man. That was the doctor. Don't yell at me. Let's move on.

That was my light story, by the way. Fake gesture costs... Who am I talking about? Josh Allen? Devil just looking at me. Fake gesture costs Josh Allen, real money. By the way, ladies and gentlemen, the New England Patriots

5-0 on the road this year. They did something that somebody hasn't done in a long time. I can't remember it. 5 and O. As you know, they went up to Buffalo and beat them a couple weeks ago. And this past,

yesterday they beat Tampa in Tampa. So, I mean, everybody's talking about all the shows are going. This fucking team ain't playing. Nobody saw this coming. Even if they lost the rest of his schedule this year. You know, I was thinking 500. I know Brable's a good coach, but,

but holy moly, they're playing defense. Like you said, it's like the old Patriots. The defensive backs are, you know, they just, anyways, I'm very proud. out of them. And my Boston Bruins have ripped off six. I was wrong when I told you it was that four.

They ripped off two more this weekend. They won six fucking hoagy. I know you guys. And seven out of eight. This is after losing six in a row, these schizophrenic bucks. Anyways, who cares, Nick? We're not from Boston. I agree. The bill's quarterback, 29. Why do they do that?

Throw the fucking agent every story. They should be funny about it. Say 71. Nobody would even notice. Was hit with a fine. due to what the league called a violent gesture. Guess who brought that into the league, by the way? The slicing of the throat gesture. Guess who did that?

That's right, the Irish linebackers. Called a violent gesture during Buffalo's 28-21 win over the Chiefsler. I'm mixed on this one, folks. You know me? I'm a comedian for free expression. So I don't know. A part of me thinks it's silly, but another part of me goes, you've got young boys watching it.

You don't, there's a million ways to celebrate. rate. You know, leave it to the brothers. Something good happened. Hey, my wife had a baby. Anyways, right now people go, Nick Josh is white. He joined that. It's one of the brothers. Being one of the brothers. Following a third quarter touchdown by the QB, by the way, what's so funny? I swear they wrote this story. It was probably a Buffalo journalist trying to distract you from the fact that they lost to the Miami Dolphins. What the fucks were the bills? Do you understand? the patch like two games ahead. They're in first place.

Insane. Following a third quarter touch on by Allen appeared to make a throat's last gesture as part of a celebration with his teammate of quote Elijah Moore. I couldn't find 19 clips and they show it from behind.

There's 48 cameras there. Somebody farts in Section 321, they got it. But they couldn't show Josh doing because he's a face of the league. I swear. Way to God, that's what it is. So I said, you know what I got to find something better than that. Let's take a look at what I found.

That should stick to the liquid latex you have there already. Then you want to slowly add more liquid latex. I have to do this for the show every day. To hide my turkey neck. Once you have the appliance secured, you want to stipple on more liquid latex around the engines. I hate stippling. Have you stippled? Now, you want to do about three layers of liquid latex. stippling far away from the appliance,

blending it in to the actor's skin using a torn edge of a sponge. Then you add the makeup to blend the entire appliance into the actor's skin. I don't think Hamas does this when they have a jew on his knees. Make sure to add some reds and pinks to it so it looks more like flesh tone and matches your actor perfectly.

The last step is you want to powder on as much powder on top of it so the makeup stays where it is. That the last thing you'll do, is add the fake blood to your garden spainer, hook up the appliance and make sure the blood is right to the edge of the appliance, ready to go, and then you have some fun. Welcome to the Food Network.

We're making gross beef today. Okay, that's pretty graphic. And that's why you shouldn't do this when you score a touchdown. Look at... It's pulsating! It's like that scene we shot on S&L. It's still going. You know they told them laughing.

It's coming out from the latex show. All right. That's enough. I'm not doing that next Halloween. Anyways, that's way better than what Josh. Now, if it was like that graphic on the end zone, I might have a problem. And Terrell Owens, no, he's no longer on the league. He's the guy who pulled out his cell phone after he scored a touchdown out of his pants to pretend he was doing it, which was fucking gene.

I used to hate that shit when I was junk. As you get older and you realize, hey, life's, you know, people have taken everything too seriously. That made me laugh my balls off. And the brothers come up with some good ones. Alan was hit with, listen to this, $14,491 fine. While more was fined 13,88. Why do white guy get more than a black guy? For a similar action on the same play, I don't know what to make of it. He's just for ridiculous. By the way, $14,000 to Josh Allen is literally like somebody gone 75 cents, put it in the jar. He got a $7,000 fine.

I'm talking about Josh Allen. Now, these are past infractions. When he threw a ball into the stands, it's an expensive ball, following a touchdown versus the Dolphins in 2019. Alan was previously hit with a $15,000 fine on sportsman-like conduct when he tossed a ball at Casey's Alex Okafore

in the AMC Championship game in 2021, which led to a brawl, which is so much fun. I love all kinds of nonsense like that. You do too. He was also fined, oh my God, he was a bad boy. Fine $10,927 for pointing at Nick Scott of the Cincinnati Bengals as Alan scored a touchdown during

he was taunting as he went into the end zone. Who came up with all those? I'm not going to say. And few youngsters out there watching, you know, these end zone dances, you don't even know who invented the, who did the very first one. Do you? Too young. Lucky you.

Billy White Shoes Johnson of the Houston Oilers. I want to say 84. He was a great punt return. And he got in the fucking end zone one day. And he did this. That was the dance for like 10 minutes. And then everybody was coming up with shit. Which, like I said, when I was a kid, I don't know why.

It should be the other way around. When I was younger, I hated that shit. Then I'm like, they got so creative. Have you seen the one when they fucking line up like, falling pins and another guy rolls the guy? Come on. They should have a residency at Vegas at the MGM ground.

All right, let's move on. No, no, no, no! In our FLA segment tonight, a Florida man allegedly dumped a mother of four's cremated remains. Welcome to Florida. And 500 pounds of trash.

Did it say his mother's remains? or a mother's. Can you write? Can you use a, A? A. Or his? A mother of horse. Okay.

So we don't. Five hundred pounds of, like it makes it different. Oh, in that case, he's not that bad. And five and a pounds of trash on the side of the road late last month. Here's the local news doing a story on it. This quiet stretch of Cartusay Avenue became the scene of something you'd never expect. A woman's ashes. Do you hear her voice?

Do you hear her voice? I'm listening to this going, I wish I was that pile of ashes. Do you hear her voice? Even my wife and other women. I remember I was on the set of Fox and they showed a clip of Hillary and I was sitting next to this Christian Powers.

She was a regular on Fox. She ended up going CNN. But she was kind of feminist. You can't say anything. bad about women and I go that frickin boy and she agreed with me she goes you're absolutely right that she goes women that are on tape should

even her who disagree with everything ever came out of my mouth was like shaking her head listen to her voice go ahead right here on the side of the road right here on the side of the road who found them found them that

someone had dumped cremains it was very disrespectful cremains pause this quoth She said cremains. That's almost as disrespectful dumping them on the side of the room. Who came up with that?

Burger King? You know, like the bazone. Cremains. That's when you, you know, your ashes. When you cremated, you get it? Cremains. Un fucking real. I would copyright that.

I want to be cremated. What? Listen to that voice, man. Oh, that's it? Thank God. Oh, my God. Anyways, Daniel Rolando, 26, was arrested and charged with one felony count for littering.

Over 500 pounds of commercial or hazardous waste. After Charlotte County Sheriff's deputies discovered a massive pile of trash in Punta Gorda. The cremated remains are the cremation. There he is. Look at him. He'd be he'd be crazy. You're not crazy. I just don't give a fuck. Beautiful mustache with you in eighth grade. The cremated remains belonged to 39-year-old

Nina Monica Brown, who deserved much better. Here she is seen on a wanted post after robbing a CBS in Dallas 1996. Can you imagine somebody just packed her away? Who died of sickle cell? That was still around? in 2024 sickle cell that's like getting you know what

polio today Gulf Coast news reported that so how the fuck you die a sickle cell in 2020 Is it because we're black Apparently It was a straight box And plastic bag from the funeral home

Like you would pick Like you would pick her up It wasn't even an urn Nothing resident Heather Lemcule Told the outlet Her name day to day. This makes no sense. This is an AI article. There's like nine mistakes. Her name day to day. What does that mean? Date of birth and date of death. And the funeral home was all on this ID card attached to the ashes.

After sifting through the 120 cubic foot pile of trash, sounds like every comedian's car. police found male belonging, male, M-A-I-L, belonging to a woman in Sarasota and contacted her. She positively identified 80% of the discarded items as hers and told deputies that she had recently had two of her units at a local storage facility auctioned off after defaulting on her contract. But the woman was dumbfounded as to how her mail and trash ended up on the side of the road. and had no clue how the cremate, yeah, sure you didn't. Who are you kidding? You probably put one in her head, you were roommates.

I watch the ID network. How much shit they find in those storage places? It's amazing how the cremated remains wind up in the pile. Employees at the storage unit then confirmed to police that Rolando had purchased the two units at the auction. He was arrested after returning to the trash pile to clean up with a friend. I don't know if he should be arrested or not. Well, I mean, for taking the shit, I guess. But he stole trash.

Right? Did he have to, do they tell him to go clean it up? But do you do that on his own? He's either that stupid. You never go back to the crime scene. That's what the nuts, the serial killers do. By the way, I'm going to remind you people, there's something called the movie,

and I told you about it two years ago, the Golden Glove. It's a true story about a serial killer in Germany in the 70s. and it's the darkest I saw it like when I was in a hotel room on what are those what's the one everybody makes fun of me

at Crada for like Huli or Zulu or what the fuck of those shows what are those stations called anyways Golden Glove based on a the actors of the ugly they hide the scariest looking people you could find

it's so dark and depressing at what point he's banging the dead corpse and he's got like six of them buried in his in his apartment there's like a crawl space he puts him in there and what's he do what's he do to try to keep the odor down

fucking those strips what do you call him those you hang in your car those he's got like a thousand of those and then he'd invite like some hooker up to it in the uh even the hooker's like what the fuck is like what the fuck is that and he goes

uh somebody's cooking cabbage downstere anyways uh Great movie, the Golden Glove. Finally tonight, naked and not afraid. I'll rip right through this. Don't forget, stay tuned because Glenn Greenwald is coming up. A naked intruder was shot that Friday morning by a 79-year-old homeowner in San Fernando Valley.

Officials with Los Angeles police department said they received a shooting call regarding a trespassing suspect at a home located in the 4,500 block up to Junga Avenue just off the 101 freeway in the studio city area around 7 a.m. on Friday, November 7.000. November 7th, excuse me, here's the news. That guy's naked. Trying to get over the green monster.

From a resident across the street who says off camera, he had been trying to get into other homes before. She runs out. She calls a neighbor. The 179-year-old man tells a suspect to leave. He told him, I have a gun. I will shoot you. The suspect grabs the 79-year-old man,

lifts him up on the ground, throws him on the ground. and that's where the 79-year-old man suffered two broken legs. So this man on the ground, the 79-year-old is the one who shot? I mean, he shot him from the ground. He shot him from the ground after he suffered the two broken legs. Yeah, you picked on a Vietnam vet almost 80 years old and you ended up dead. Yay, I say.

Yay, you naked fucking maniac mania. Yeah. Bang, bang, shoot him up, one, two, three. The suspect got shot one time and the suspect still approached. Jesus, he must have been on some type of, probably he's on. I bet he was on pot. Approached this. After getting shot, he still approached a 79-year-old suspect again and the 79 shot him again

and, you know, killed him. Police said the victim shot the man at least two to three times. The homeowner identified only as George was taken to the hospital and underwent surgery. How about that? A Vietnam vet and he still had the old. old in the neighbor's back. A resident across the street said the man had been trying to break into homes before. A neighbor said two women were also in the house at the time of the break and the 79-year-old man is a Vietnam veteran. And he took care of that fellow. He said to the

ladies, you ever seen a grown man naked? A dead one. LAPD officials told Fox 11 they believe the naked man may have driven to the neighborhood because they found the Prius Park around the corner with a door open and clothes on the ground. They impounded the car and the clothes and a couple of the cops are wearing the clothes. I thought that was odd. Isn't that crazy?

Naked guy. Just the middle of the daytime. Happens everywhere, man. Well, that's it, boys and girls. And again, you can let me know. But yeah, I'm not going to be going. Oh, they're up for whatever. There's a bill on the floor Senate and all that shit.

What do you point in at what? What do I do? Oh, Jesus. It's my wife turning me into fucking Ron Po Peel. It's a reference for you people in your late hundreds. Hey, it's getting cold out there, right, folks? And it is here. It's going to 32 or 33 tonight here in Savannah. I wonder what it's like in Dallas.

Time to head to Nick Dip.com and grab some winter merch. Boy, the fucking wife's all over this stuff. We have pull over and zip up hoodies, long-sleeved shirts, and a bunch of different winter hats. So check it out. And don't forget cameo.com. If you'd like me to roast a friend or a relative or say happy bar mitzvah or, you know,

tell your boss to kiss your grits, go to cameo.com. That's it. You guys, thank it. I'll say you very welcome. We'll see you back here at the same time tomorrow. Have a good day, everybody. Hi.

Good night, everybody.