The Nick DiPaolo Show - Nanny Bloomberg Buys In | Nick DiPaolo Show #264

Episode Date: November 26, 2019

Nick predicted Bloomberg running to Trump Jr. Bloomberg back pedaling. DEMS don't understand why they hate Trump. Deer Asians... MONDAY - THURSDAY 9PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

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Ah! Ah! Ah! You gotta get it. guitar solo Oh, yeah. Monday, short week. We have a show today and a show tomorrow. Off on Wednesday, Thanksgiving, Friday, and back on Monday, I do believe. How are you, folks?

Welcome to the—how the fuck is it almost Thanksgiving? Didn't we just kick off the NFL season in college football five minutes ago? Is it speeding up time, or is it just me? Because everybody agrees with me that time's going... I think it's going fast. Somebody look into that. Somebody dig up Stephen Hawking. I'll call his fucking wife.

How about the broad that he blew off? That was the funniest part of that movie. Imagine being blown off by a guy who the only thing he can do with his tongue is control his wheelchair. I mean, for the love of Jesus! Coming to you live! Me fuck you and your bones, bird!

Exactly. Fucking Haskins. I am your voice! In the words of a great black philosopher. Run through a motherfucker face. That's right. That was said by Ali, I think. I don't know.

Anyways, great to be with you kids. You know you want crazy motherfucking rock, man. What is going on? Yeah, Thanksgiving and fucking, let's break out a holiday girl every year that we, she's, uh, excited about Christmas and, um, this is what she wants every year. And I'm about to give it to her. Santa, you know what I want for Christmas this year? Me?

A big fat cock. Oh! In my ass. The funniest part of that is Santa's reaction. Oh, not again. Not another one. I put six of them in your stock react. Oh, not again. Not another one. I put six of them in your stock last week, bitch. Oh, my God.

She sounds like every girl and looks like every girl that I grew up with in the Boston area. And what is going on? Hey, you remember, the big story is Michael Blomberg, Nanny Blomberg, officially, he made it official. Rich, get off that goddamn phone. Get off the fucking phone. That wasn't business related, was it?

Be honest. I was trying to help you with the Bloomberg story. Do I look like I need... I just fucking read the headline. Why do you think I need help at that point? Standby ready. Yeah, why don't you stand by ready outside in the hallway? Take a time out, you dink.

Fucking jeans and $9,000 shoes. And once again, I'm busting these fucking cameras. I look like Pinky Tusk. Look at my beet red. What am I, a Kennedy? Beet red fucking. Nobody can fix that. It's the cameras. Your sister's ass. So Mayor Bloomberg. Yes, he's jumping in.

And again, once again, Nick DiPaolo proves to be the prophet that he is. Show just isn't funny. It's goddamn. It's prophetic. Here is me with Donald Trump Jr. a few weeks ago. I think any of the people running on the Democrat side right now, I don't think they're going to be the nominee. Here's my prediction. It's going to be Hillary jumping in with her fat ankles or Mayor Bloomberg. Your thoughts? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, you know, they did this thing with Hillary. You know, there were six donors that really want to recruit. I'm't know. I mean, you know, they did this thing with Hillary. You know, there were six donors that really want to recruit. I'm like six donors. That's going to be interesting.

You know, and I don't think Bloomberg wants it. I don't think he wants to go up against Trump one on one. You know, I'm not saying he's not a smart guy. He's very accomplished. He doesn't want to go one on one against Trump and have a inevitable, you know, Jeb Bush low energy moment. I think he's got too much of an ego for that, so I don't see that ever happening. I saw it happening because I enmeshed myself in this. I just, I'm ensconced

in this garbage. I just, but Bloomberg, I got to be honest, I would think he would be again. I know the fucking and it's not going to get too political there. I'll get to the dick jokes and all the other fucking horse shit you people want. But Bloomberg, I think he would be a formidable. I know the party doesn't want billionaires and shit.

And, you know, Bernie Sanders hates billionaires, even though he has three houses and is a millionaire himself. Hypocrite fuckstain. You know, the far left wing has taken over the party and they know it's not a good look, blah, blah, blah, blah. But this guy, Bloomberg, you can't argue with his success in life. He dwarfs Trump as far as money goes. And here's the real thing. He's Jewish and he doesn't like to see a fucking Gentile. I'm telling you. I'm telling you. It's ego. His big ego. He's like, I can't

have a Gentile. I'm a Jewish businessman. I'm worth 50 billion. I'm not going to let this. You know who he sees Trump? Bloomberg looks at trump like a lot of the trumpeters like he's rodney danger feeling caddyshack i put that up on twitter fucking years ago even being shadow band that did very well fuck stains at twitter by the way don't even i don't even look at your thing anymore uh so bloomberg uh yeah so he's uh but if you remember he made a great speech at the dnc in 2016, the convention. He's taken shots at Trump. Here's a little montage of what this guy's all about. I am here for one reason.

He's a fag. To explain why I believe it is imperative that we elect Hillary Clinton as the next president of the United States. Pause. What more do you need to know? How the fuck can you have male genitalia and want Hillary Clinton as your president? And who is that fucking the popcorn guy that just put the Redenbacher? No, Redenbacher's white. That's fucking, I don't know, the fucking.

Come on, Raj, you're black. What am I thinking of? Yeah, you do. All right. Next clip. Next clip. Now, we've heard a lot of talk in this campaign about needing a leader who understands a leader. He's from Massachusetts. I couldn't agree more. I built a business and I didn't start it with a million dollar check from my father. and I didn't start it with a million dollar check from my father. From my father. I didn't start it with a million dollar check from my father. Look at him. There he is thinking of a Cub Scout coming out of his apartment. Go ahead. I'm kidding. Trump says he wants to run the nation like he's running his business. God help us. Watch how wrong he is on the next few clips. I'm a New Yorker. No you're not.

And I know a con when I see one. Woah! This is when Hillary starts diddling her big catcher's mitt muff. Look at Bill. I can't believe this Jew. I used to fucking hate these motherfuckers. But watch how wrong he is when he starts stating what Trump will do if he gets elected. Truth be told, the richest thing about Donald Trump is his hypocrisy. Oh, that's a zinger. Who's zinger? Said the man who backpedaled on fucking Stop and Frisk. You're right.

Look at Schumer. Yes, hey, fellow Jew, getting it done. Yeah, I love him. Go ahead. I understand the appeal of a businessman president, but Trump's business plan

is a disaster in the making. Listen to this. He would make it harder for small businesses to compete. Pause. He did not. He did not. He cut all kinds of regulations, right? Aren't we supposed to have a split screen where I'm talking and the picture's still up there?

Are we not doing that, Raz? We have this one. Do you want the other one back? No, when I'm talking, I want the picture up there like that. Is that all right? I know I'm flipping my – I can't remember what we decided. But, okay, making it tough for small businesses, that's exactly what he didn't do. He stripped away zillions of regulations.

Go ahead. Great damage to our economy. Pause. Damage to our economy. Strongest economy in the history of the United States. He's 0 for 2. Not to mention he backed the thick-ankled dog face. Pig face. Hillary, go ahead.

The savings of millions of Americans lead to greater debt and more unemployment. Pause. Greater debt, true. That's true. More unemployment, bullshit. Wrecked lows across the board. I mean, this guy's a brilliant businessman, but he was wrong about a lot of shit a few years ago. Go ahead. I meant bullshit. Wrecked lows across the board. How?

I mean, this guy's a brilliant businessman, but he was wrong about a lot of shit a few years ago. Go ahead. Quote our influence around the world and make our communities less safe. Pause. Yeah. Pause. Yeah. Influence around the world.

Like nobody respect. We crushed ISIS in five minutes. And what was the last thing he just said? Influence around the world. No, after that, Rich, pay attention. This is what you're here for. You don't have headphones?

Why not? There's a closet full of them. Well, get them. Okay. You can plug them in right there. Oh, my God. Right in the middle of my bit. You are a fucking... Anyways.

What was the second thing he just said? Raz, can you... Is this going to fuck it up? Just go back a couple seconds. I understand the appeal of a businessman president. No. But Trump's business plan is a disaster in the making. He would make it harder for small businesses to compete,

do great damage to our economy, threaten the retirement savings of millions of Americans, lead to greater debt and more unemployment, erode our influence around the world, and make our communities less safe. Pause. Make our communities less safe. I understand the appeal. Yeah, pause. Make our communities less safe by throwing, you know, MS-13 and everybody out as opposed to sanctuary cities, which is what your party's for. If you fucking run a Democrat, nobody know. Could he been more wrong about shit?

Go ahead. I now see that we could and should have acted sooner and acted faster to cut the stops. This is stop and phrase came back. I'm sorry that we didn't. But I can't change history. However, today, I want you to know that I realized back then I was wrong. And I'm sorry. You can act like a man.

What's the matter with you? In that apology, he said, I thought we were saving lives of black and brown kids, which is exactly what Stop and Frist did. So now he's apologized. So you're apologizing for saving black and brown kids lives. you're apologizing for saving black and brown kids lives what is with what is with this sucking of the ass of the black uh the black voters they see right through your horseshit they make up 14 percent of the country out of those 14 percent somebody explain this to me how many black people vote i mean probably two that's so racist i glad you're black and you can get away with that.

No, but I'm just saying it's a tiny sliver. Am I not right? That's why Trump played to the white people. You get 1% of whites, it's like getting fucking 500% of black people. I don't understand. I really don't. I don't understand sucking up. I'm not saying you ignore them, but they seem to get a disproportionate amount of ass kissing but that's him apologizing for a policy that saved a

lot of black young black can I ask you a question young black and by the way you know who was pissed when they got rid of stop and fritz the people in the black community in the unsafe neighborhoods because it was actually working let me ask you black people brown people anything that's not white. I don't even know what the fuck I am. If you guys look at me, I'm Italian. I have black butt. If you look at this screen here, I'm fucking an Irishman who had 70 pints of fucking gin this morning.

Bright red face. Big fat. Sodium. Burger King at midnight. But let me ask you, black or brown kid, a cop stops. And by the way, they don't just frisk you. They talk to you first because God forbid, you know. Let's say they frisk you.

They don't find anything. I think I asked this on the last show. How did that really ruin your life? Were you offended? Were your feelings hurt? You know why he's doing it, to protect people who look like you in your neighborhood. Was your day fucking ruined? How about Richard Jewell? They pinned the bombing on him in Atlanta. Think his day, they ruined his fucking life. Oh, my aching stem. Where were we?

He points to his successes as an executive who helped revitalize post-9-11 New York, his advocacy and financial support for gun control and his work on climate change. That could be a problem. And I've read this a few places online. Yeah, I can't wait to see a New York Jew try to take guns away from people in Alabama. I didn't wait to see a New York Jew try to take guns away from people in Alabama. I didn't say that. I found that a little anti-Semitic myself, but good point. It should be interesting.

Anyways, we'll see. He's jumping in late. Interesting background, though. He's worth $50 billion. His father was an accountant at a dairy. I do like how he said, can I just say this about Bloomberg? I don't like his nanny. Well, this is what he's real. There you go. That's him. Ah, that's him. I don't like his nanny tactics, but I got to admit something, folks. Not that it helped because, you know, I smoke now.

But I started, I was starting to smoke at the Comedy Cellar every night, sitting there at the table with the tell and everybody, other comic. I was finding myself getting into the cigarette. And then that came along. He banned all that shit. And I was whining. I'm like, this motherfucker. Next thing I know, I wasn't smoking. Well, Nick, what's your point? You love smoking. Well, I do now. I'm so, this motherfucker. Next thing I know, I wasn't smoking.

Well, Nick, what's your point? You love smoking. Well, I do now. I'm so nervous about him getting elected. I'm up to three packs a day. Mrs. Doubtfire from fucking... But I just want to say that he's a brilliant guy and businessman and you know, he ran as only he could run as a Republican. Only New York

you could call yourself a Republican with his type of nanny state shit. But I'm just saying, I think he's a formidable thing. I've been saying this for Rich, you don't agree. Get near the mic. There you go. Because you know you're going to talk. Don't roll up like fucking Ironsides. I think him outlawing big gulps.

I mean, most of the country's overweight and pathetically sloppy. I think somebody will take him out for that. That's what you had to fucking add? Take him out? What do you mean, shoot him? No, I just, I think, I think that just takes him out of their whole race because there's so many fat people in this country. All right.

Yeah, that'll do it. That was the decision that'll do him in. Not stopping frisk and shit. Well, there's a strong party of anorexics who are right with him, so trust me. But this is who votes Democrat today. Watch these anti-Trump protesters. They refuse to denounce Obama for deporting more fucking immigrants than Trump did. But watch,

they show up at a protest, don't even know. This is a perfect example of the brainwashing of people on the fucking left who've been eating this shit for years. Here you go. The question to that is make America white again. And all his policies and what

he does kind of backs that up. Your glasses say make America unfuckable again. Take the immigration population and diminish it and diminish the people. So at this time in Obama's presidency, he had way more deportations than Trump has had. What did you think about it back then when Obama was deporting all of them? I didn't follow politics. And I have to say that that's the one good thing for me that came out of all this over the past three years. I didn't follow politics. Oh, pause. It wasn't important to me. Pause. Goddamn, how many times do I have to say it, Rez?

You didn't follow politics. So you're just jumping into it now. So you've been following politics for, what, 10 seconds now? And you're already regurgitating talking points, make America white again. Yeah, I guess that's how you do it, by bringing black and brown and unemployment down a record low. That's how you make it white. You dumb, filthy. I like to take those glasses off and gouge your eyes out. What are you going to go welding later? Go ahead.

I saw what was going on three years ago in this person, and I saw the hate that he had. Will you denounce Obama for putting kids in cages and deporting illegal immigrants? I didn't follow politics. Will you denounce Obama for putting kids in cages and... I probably didn't do it to the extent that goes on now. Pause. It's double. What a dumb.

Here's your informed Democrat voter, everybody. And yeah, they're all this stupid. Nick, you're generalizing. No, they're this retarded. They get their talking points in a mainstream. I didn't follow politics back then. That's like going when you ask a kid, you know, when you ask a kid about the JFK getting shot. I wasn't born then.

Yeah, I wasn't around either when the fucking car was invented. I'm driving one now. You don't fucking like a child. I didn't follow it then. Go ahead. Well, then what Trump is doing. And there's a lot more behind Trump that goes on. Well, you denounce Obama for putting kids in cages and deporting illegal immigrants.

Would I what? Would you denounce Obama for putting kids in cages and deporting illegal immigrants? Would I what? Would you denounce Obama for putting kids in cages and deporting illegal immigrants? I would not denounce him. He probably didn't do it to the extent that it's being done now. He did it double. Oh, double. I don't know, but I wouldn't denounce him because he was his character. He's just, he was a gentleman.

So it's okay to deport people as long as you're a good person? It isn't okay, but this person has- All right, I can't take it. I'm going to fucking read through the screen. And yes, this typifies the average idiot out there who hates Trump. Just a fucking dumb, dumb, dumb. Let's go to the guy who knows less than she does. Look at this guy.

Hello. Let's go to the guy who knows less than she does Look at this guy Hello He looks like a union guy Or civil, you know, mailman retired Hi, do you like my shirt from Eddie Bauer? Don't ask me too many tough questions By the way, she's smoking, isn't she? Didn't she work at Sushi Hana? Rich, we were there I'm not trying to be funny

I'm telling you, she looks like Go ahead What's the biggest thing that Trump has said? What is the biggest action he's taken Sushihana? Rich, we were there. I'm not trying to be funny. I'm telling you she looks like... Go ahead. What's the biggest thing that Trump has said? What is the biggest action he's taken that's really pushed you to want to come protest? The list is endless. I don't think I could come up with a single one. Can you give me one specific thing that he's done with the biggest thing?

Running away. No. From day one, he was just an evil evil mother oh well of course I'm gonna make America great and that he's gonna bring jobs he was just an evil motherfucker from day one of everybody well and that wait so one of the worst things that he said is... Those are the worst things and also that when he said that he was going to help the people from Syria and he never did. I thought that was one of the worst things ever. Oh my...

Just his entire person. The persona that he is. Everything about him. Just a man. Yeah, a white male. He just lies. Everything he does. This is why I really question us letting women vote.

Ugh. No housewife should vote. How about that? Conservative, lib, how about that? Just broads at strip clubs. The dancers. Few of the bartenders. Nick, that's ridiculous.

Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? Do you hear the fucking, just a product of what they've been sucking in from the mainstream? Oh, he's been an evil motherfucker since day one. Can you give us a real, fucking idiots.

You're idiots. I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of pretending to try to stay in the, you know, both sides have... No, you guys have lost your fucking collective minds. That's why you don't even know if you're going to impeach. You're still fighting about that. You've lost your fucking minds.

You know you can't beat him in an actual election based on policies, so you're doing this horse shit. Didn't mean to do this much politics, but it is Monday, for the love of Christ. I mean, what do you want me to talk about? My great weekend? Camping? I've never been camping in my life.

Let's go on to one of my favorite athletes of all time. Colin Kaepernick. I love this guy. I'll tell you. He can really roll to his left. What a hateful fucking human being this guy is. Anyways, what's the latest on Cheesedick? According to ESPN on Sunday, not a single team in the league has contacted the former militant,

I hate Whitey, I hate America quarterback. I threw that in there. After his public workout a little more than a week ago. The workout was supposed to initially be hosted by the NFL, but Kaepernick, being the dick he was, eventually switched locations to do it himself because it's a commercial for Nike is what it is. Clearly, the league wasn't impressed by what they saw

or the way the situation was handled. Here's Colin right after the workout. He says y'all like he was born in fucking Alabama in the 40s. Listen, how many times he says fucking y'all and just his just just his hair says to me either put it back. Just his hair either says back up, sing up for the Supremes or I hate Whitey. And then he's got his Taliban beard. And he's got a little bit of a gut. But let's listen to this genius talk.

First, let me start by saying I appreciate y'all coming out. That means a lot to me. Our biggest thing with everything today was making sure we had transparency in what went on. We weren't getting that elsewhere. So we came out here. It's important that y'all are here. Y'all been attacked for the last three years. Y'all continue to be attacked. We appreciate what y'all do. Two, three, four, five, six. We appreciate you being here today. We appreciate the work you do for the people and telling the truth.

That's what we want in everything. I've been ready for three years. I've been denied for three years. We all know why I came out here and showed it today in front of everybody. We have nothing to hide. Who said you? Hey, he's got a gut. Look, look, look.

He's got a fucking gut. Or he's wearing rib protectors to throw balls to nobody. Can we put this guy away now? Do you really think any team, he could have went out there and thrown the ball 110 yards in the air on a dime and been faster than ever. You think anybody's going to take this cancer on? What, stupid? It would be

the same logic why no comedy clubs call me for gigs. You continue to try to... That's... Yeah, that's exactly... Good thing. That's for both of you.

That's for you too, Rich. But do you really think any team would risk that? You know? Seriously. I'm just, I've had enough of him. He's driving me nuts. This guy obviously doesn't like the country. He doesn't like white people.

And I like them. I liked them in college. Anybody notice I just took my sclera off with my eyeglasses? Ripped the pupil right out of it. Nothing, guys? All right. Let's go to another quarterback, another fucking genius. Let's lump them together, the dummies.

The headline is unprofessional Dwayne Haskins, who stinks, by the way. Misses final Redskins play you know why? he's taking a selfie he's taking a and you wonder why the Pats are fucking 401 in the last 10 years

can you imagine Brady where's Tom? he's always taking a selfie with some bitches because he just threw his 3,000th touchdown pass can you he was

they were looking for him, this guy, Haskins. How do you miss the last snap of a game? Because you're taking selfies, tweeted legend Joe Theismann, who before the season began gave him his blessings to wear his number seven. That was stupid of you, Joe. You're feeling the PC pressure. After having your leg snapped like that? Come on.

He says, that's unprofessional and it's wrong. Well, thanks for connecting the dots, Joe. Can you imagine? Can you fucking imagine? The other quarterback had to come out and take a... Here's Haskins. Fucking... More critical than Quentin Dunbar's

for the last field goal attempt. Oh, fucking idiot. It's all smiles. Taking selfies with a fan. Listen to the announcers. Listen to the announcers. Haskins celebrates.

Yeah. Do we have any more? Is that it? That's it. As Haskins said, he doesn't even, the announcers don't even, they're such company men, such a shield for the league, they can't go, what is this guy doing? Can you fucking imagine what Belichick would do? Anybody seen Edelman?

Yeah, he's licking some cheerleaders' ass. Well, it's a third and ten for Christ's sake. It's late in the game. But that makes perfect sense. That's a third and ten for Christ's sake. It's late in the game. But that makes perfect sense. That's a perfect 2019 pro athlete. Selfie. It's right in the word. Selfish.

Selfie. It's not about team. You can't spell team. Team doesn't have an I in it, does it? Well, the way fucking Haskins spells it, it probably has two I's in it. Fucking moron. Oh, yeah. Do we have the

coach after? No? Raz is like no. What the fuck? It's got to be me. I used to argue with Jason all the time. He'd be right. This is not hooked around my ear. You know you can fucking my grandmother

has a fucking what do you call those hearing aids? Can't even see them. Yeah, miracle ear. She can hear a fucking snake fart in Egypt. And nobody can see her hearing aid. Look at this. I'm strapped in like an astronaut.

Anyways, folks, it's the middle of the football. How about we're three quarters away through the NFL? Excuse me. But this episode of the Nick DiPaolo Show brought to you by mybookie.ag. We're more than halfway through, and there's no better time to bet. You guys like winning money? Who doesn't? I'll tell you where to put your money down.

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tour dates uh you can get these at nickdip.com new year's eve december 31st i'll be at the tarrytown music hall tarrytown new york one of my favorite gigs uh i really put out that night like a cheap whore i really give it my all friday january 24th, the Ridgefield Playhouse in Ridgefield, Connecticut. Saturday, February 1st, the Historic Ritz Theater, Brunswick, Georgia. Wait a minute. This is an old thing. That's the scheduling thing. What am I?

No, we moved it. No, we moved it. That's a new one. Sorry. Saturday, February 1st, the Historic Ritz Theater, Brunswick, Georgia. Saturday, February 15th, Kelsey Theater, Lake Park, Florida. That is a Valentine's Day weekend. And boy, you couldn't pick a better comic to ruin a relationship if you don't like this broad.

And that's February 15th. And then Friday, April 3rd, Morgan Hill Event Center, Herman, Maine. I believe we're working on a Gunkwit. Jonathan's again because I sell that place out. And Ken, that's one of my favorite gigs. Has the best goddamn food. And there's who is in and out of there? No.

Anybody see, you know what, this weekend? The Irishman? No? But if it was the Marvel's Green Hornet, you'd all be running out there like a bunch of fucking girls. I love that Scorsese took those people to task. He goes, that's not fucking filmmaking. Stop it.

I didn't get to see The Irishman. It's based on a book called I Heard You Paint Houses, which is a term for, you know, I hear you whack people. I'm working on a book about the gay mafia. It's called I Heard You Flip Houses. I'm working on a book about the gay mafia it's called I Heard You Flip Houses I can't wait to see it it's getting nothing but killer reviews

they say it's Scorsese at his best and it's three and a half hours long it's going to come out on Netflix in a few days so Netflix must have said here's the deal we will give you a trillion dollars if you throw this up a week after it comes out or whatever. So I'd rather watch it at home now. I mean,

back in the day, you're like, no, you get the little TV and, but I don't want anybody chewing, fucking burping behind me and chewing on their ice and fucking baby crying and that type of shit. Nick, have you ever really heard a baby cry in a movie? Yes, I did.

I pinched one on the leg once. Anyhow, the left, let's get back to these cheesiness. They fucking irritate me and the world, and they never let up. More than 160 climate change protesters stormed the field at the Harvard-Yale football game Saturday, protesters stormed the field at the Harvard-Yale football game Saturday, causing a 40, I'll say it again, a 40-minute delay. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant.

No, it isn't. The world's warming up. It's going to go up a degree in the next thousand years. You guys should be getting your sunblock and putting on your skirts, bitches. Don't you hear? We only get 12 years. That's what the bartender said from the Bronx. Don't you hear we only get 12 years?

That's what the bartender said from the Bronx. The protesters, two dozen of whom were arrested, demanded that both Ivy League schools stop funding fossil fuel companies. In Act, Christopher Colby, a Harvard student and campus reform correspondent, blasted as empty activism and par for the course with what goes on on liberal campuses. And he's exactly right. It's just even a fucking story. Nothing to see here. Please disperse.

Can you imagine delaying the game? You fucking, oh. Now, here's where I'm disappointed in the players. And again, it's because it's Harvard and Yale. If it was, you know, yeah, Alabama versus Tennessee or even Maine, New Hampshire. We would have got a running start and just started blindsiding these motherfuckers. I mean like paralysis hits.

Helmet to skull, not helmet to helmet. Just laying out these fuckers as they lay there and their vegan diet pours out of their ass because they're unconscious on the field. Oh, God. I wanted to see some heads breaking. You guys, there was a guy named Mike Curtis. I want you to Google this. Played for the Baltimore Colts in the 60s.

Some drunk guy ran on the field. And Mike Curtis was a white middle linebacker. You know he had to be tough. He was a fucking white middle linebacker. Although the league was pretty white back then, let's be honest. But he fucking, this guy was drunk as a young kid. He fucking got a running start. And you know how I hit Ruth Ginsburg with a forearm to the head?

He did that fucking thing. This guy. Place goes crazy. But in today's world, he'd be in a Turkish prison doing 100 years. But in today's world, he'd be in a Turkish prison doing 100 years. Caleb Schwartz, a Harvard student and spokesman for the group Divest Harvard, told ESPN the protest was a result of months of coordination. Wow, I could tell.

Yeah, I thought it was the Ohio State marching band when they do those configurations. Fucking, yeah, it was organized. Yeah, this is your organization. We'll show up an hour before the game. We'll drunk 40 cases of bud and charge the field. Who's with me? This is a very deliberate choice of targeting this specific game to get our action out there, Schwartz said. And why is ESPN interviewing?

Because they're on the side of these dinks. Colby argued that protesters' demands would hurt the students who need financial aid the most, including many of the protesters themselves, because they wouldn't have funding to go to school anymore. I don't know how that all connects, and I'm too lazy to put it together. But kid's got to know something. He's from Harvard, and he leans right. Or he's against a lot of this horseshit. You know, Harvard lost the game, 50-43

in double overtime, which upset me. I had five grand on the Crimson Tide. Let me tell you a little story about a guy named Gatto. I can't remember his first name. He was a coach. He coached at Tufts University. He caught the winning touchdown, the most famous Harvard-Yale game. His name's Gatto. I can't remember his first name. He was a coach. He coached at Tufts University. He caught the winning

touchdown. The most famous Harvard-Yale game. His name's Gatto. He recruited me. He wanted me to play at Tufts, which is like a medical school. You shitting me? I had to cheat to get into fucking New Hampshire and Maine. Yeah, I'll be right there, Mr. Gatto. He wanted me so... I could have been a

big fish in a little pond. Fucking Tufts Medical. medical i mean it has other stuff too it's like ivy league you know i had no business being there i go you sure i got i got 12 12 points get my name wrong and i run a four six pretty good for a white kid yale referred to the protest as regrettable i don't believe it in In a statement saying the Ivy League stands firmly for the right to free expression. No, you don't. You shut people down all the time. What are you fucking talking about?

People get upset because of Halloween costumes. You shut them. What are you fucking? You don't stand for people's freedom of expression unless they think like you. Shut your fucking pie holes. Please? But they took issue how the protesters went about it, adding, we do not allow disruption

of university events. Suck a big one, you're lying. Guess who weighed in, though? The protests received support from Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who tweeted, activism disrupts the present to

change the future. Let's disrupt you with a karate chop to your Adam's apple, the present to change the future. Let's disrupt you with a karate chop to your Adam's apple, and that'll change the future for the better. I'm only kidding. I would never do that. I would give you a couple purple nurple twerples. Does she always have to weigh in? Can she ever? Nothing to see here.

Shut the fuck up anyways so yeah you made people wait out in the call for the game to start again I'm a big proponent of rubber bullets and slingshots with rocks and shit nothing lethal why can't we I'm dead serious fire hoses filled with cat pee-pee. Come on, now. Rich, you want to say something unfunny?

Don't. Your shoes are enough. The incident was just the latest in a series of climate demonstrations that erupted in the fall. You know, protests as hell are sitting at Nancy Pelosi's office and Mayor Pete Buttigieg's office, too. But he was happy because about 12 boys under 14 showed up. And they took their shirts off to prove how warm it was getting. What? I'm only kidding, Pete. It's just a joke. Hmm.

This one made me laugh my balls off. Here is the melting pot. Here we are, the melting pot. Diversity, cultures all trying to live side by side. But the headlines here. Nail salon workers butcher deer. Nail salon workers butcher deer meat right in front of customers. What you're saying was, do you want the hind leg or do you want the shoulder? What do you like? It's nice and... By the way, I always like to mix my venison with toe fungus.

It adds a nice zing to it. Can you imagine if a butcher, you got the picture? Fucking butcher. Now, right away, I'll be racist. I'd assume that was like six cats. It's a fucking Korean lady. I wouldn't say deer, but it's North Carolina. And you know what?

A lot of people didn't have a problem with it. Bon appetit. Can you know what? A lot of people didn't have a problem with it. Bon appetit. Imagine you over here. Can you get this? This nail? What the fuck is Jing-Flau Ding doing? Making you guys sandwiches. It's

venison night at the fucking nail salon. That is so funny, isn't it? A woman enjoying a manicure at a North Carolina nail salon witnessed an unusual sight. Workers chopping up deer meat in plain sight. Morgan Taylor posted about a bizarre experience on Facebook last Thursday. This really is a white problem.

Including a photo of a salon worker at Diamond Nails in High Point. Remind me to go there for the fucking luncheon. Have you tried our toe jam and Venice pudding? That's like 10 minutes from my hometown. What is? High Point. 10 minutes from my hometown. What is? High Point.

Is it really? Yeah. And it's all, is that rural, Raz? A lot of hunters. It's North Carolina, right? It is, but it's also a lot of Asian people out there. A lot of Asian people? Yeah.

So you probably stay out of the neighborhood. You don't like those people, do you? No, they're good people. I'm kidding. Love to say that to a black guy, try to make him nervous. He's like, you can't get me in trouble. You guys are the fucking razor. Raz does have nice nails.

Yeah, how'd you learn that when you're sucking on his toes? You have nice nails. I like to see them in a cross between your hands and your feet. Anyways, hunting for a new nail salon, she says in High Point. Talk about multitasking. Manicures, pedicures, and amateur deer butchers. We don't even know if that's deer. They're probably performing abortions in the back room. Oh, deer, somebody wrote.

Can you imagine? Somebody wrote, oh, deer on the, oh, Taylor wrote it. You know what, Taylor? I hope you're allergic to venison. They got some blood on you after that unfunny joke. She said, along with hashtag not fond. Oh, Jesus. Rich, you writing for this bitch?

And oh, Buck, no. Oh, my God. I gotta meet this girl. She is a fucking hoot. She says, I was sitting there getting my nails done and looked over and they were pulling out deer meat from a cooler. I get scared that I'm going to see trash on the ground or weird smells.

How do you see weird smells on the ground, Taylor? This girl's a rocket scientist. But not see a dead deer. Taylor said the co-workers placed the meat on a tarp. Imagine you go to these people, your relatives are these people. You go there for dinner. You're venison and you're like, why do I have fingernails in my fucking venison? It's delicious. You shut up.

You eat it. Yeah. They put meat on a tarp. That's how you do it. That's sanitary. On the ground and sliced it without gloves. Isn't this what they do with the mafia when they chop up a guy? What are you doing?

Kenny's Nail Salon. Others in the salon, including customers, seem unfazed by it. So, you know, that's North Carolina, man. Delicious. Thank you. Thank you. And they didn't even think it was wrong to cut it in front of clients in the nail salon, which is surprising.

Anyways, they reported it, and they paid off the health inspector by giving him a nice center cut. I always, when I think Koreans, and, you know, when I see nail salon, I think it's a front to get a hand job or a happy tug or some shit, but not some fucking beef jerky.

Well, I didn't even mean that. You get it? Beef jerky. Good night, didn't even mean that. You get it? Beef jerky. Good night, everybody. Great to be here at the Skidmarks in Buffalo. It's hotter than a witch's tit here, ain't it? I put the heat on. I woke up today.

I was fucking at the house. It was 11. My house. The heat's fucking broken at the house. It's a broken thing at the house. I don't even remember. Hmm. Hmm. Wonder what's happening at my house. It's a broken thing at the house. I don't even remember. Hmm. Hmm.

Wonder what's happening at my house in New York. Oh, speaking of deer meat, we'll end with this one tonight. Boy, I got so many stories. I'll save some since tomorrow. How about this? Four Wisconsin,

Wisconsin hunters. I don't mean to laugh, but shot in separate incidents on deer season's opening day. Oh, my God. What the hell's going on out here? One suspect is still unidentified. Now, this is a big deal because of the gun. You know, NRA members, and they're like, you know, most of the guns are sold in this country for hunting,

and people keep them in the family. But you can't start doing this shit. Wisconsin, you know, on day one of hunting season, deer hunting season, you can't turn it into downtown Chicago or fucking Southside or Atlanta at three in the morning. Then you're not going to have an argument.

Wisconsin's Department of Natural Resources is currently asking for any information, no matter how insignificant it may seem that might lead to the identification of a suspect who was shot another hunter during the open weekend of the can I just say something and this is no bullshit my

my mom a distant distant relative my mother's cousin or whatever somebody distant to me actually get shot by another deer hunter way back in the day. But it was sort of his fault. Look how he was dressed. He's just asking for it, isn't he?

Okay, that's good. That's a black guy. That's a black guy. Look how ripped. I can just tell by his body makeup. I've slept with a million black guys. That's a black guy. Is he missing his hand?

What the fuck? Anyways. The hunter was one of four people shot during separate hunting-related incidents over the course of the opening weekend. Boy, can we fuck anything up in this country? Hunting with guns. Well, thank you for clarifying. It could have been bone marrow. I know. The injured hunter described as an adult male was shot at approximately 11 a.m. on Sunday within Washburn County in Menong, Wisconsin.

WD&I reported three other instances of hunters being injured on opening day of the season, two of which involved hunters shooting themselves in the feet. Oh, we ain't deep shit. Specifically, their left feet. It doesn't say foot. It says their left feet in the article. I don't know who's dumb. Are the guys writing this article? Are the people shooting themselves in the feet? Or the guy painted like a...

When their guns accidentally discharged. Another hunter in Afon de Lake County had also accidentally shot another hunter while trying to down a running deer. Oh, my aching stem. Raz, you hunt? I want to. Do you?

As a kid, I used to hunt pheasant with my my daisy air rifle it was pellet and BB and I shot when I told the story I opened the window it woke me up there was a foundation they were building a house next to mine I'm in my underwear and sure enough I picked the fucking pheasant off the foundation I ran out there he's still squirming around I pumped about 40 BBs

in him I bring it up to my grandmother she used to cook pheasant right off the boat from Italy I get up there there's the fucking pheasant no feathers on it in the bowl and there's a bowl of BBs in them. I bring it up to my grandmother. She used to cook pheasant right off the boat from Italy. I get up there. There's the fucking pheasant, no feathers on it, in the bowl. There's a bowl of BBs, like 30 BBs. She thought I was going to reuse them. She's making teeth for my grandfather. I don't know what the fuck she was doing. But these

fucking hunters are crazy. That was me in the woods with my dad. Okay. All right. That is enough for today. It's 119 Kelvin up in this motherfucker. Anything to add, Richard? Huh? Cameo?

No, you don't have to tell me that. I'm asking, do you want to add yourself? No, I'm doing fine today. Thank you. Funniest thing you've said in four years. That is it. Go to cameo.comcom you want me to send you uh i can send a personal video to one of your friends roasting them uh you know making fun of

a neighbor you hate saying happy birthday i can be nice once in a while to your aunt the one with a mustache and a drinking problem and uh that is it remember you guys you guys, you think it. I will say it. You are very welcome. And we'll see you guys on Patreon tomorrow. Everybody should sign up for that. Talk to you later. Bye-bye. guitar solo.