The Nick DiPaolo Show - NBC Protecting The Pelosi's | Nick Di Paolo Show #1302

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Trumps Zings DeSantis. CNN Sucks. Biden Truth Bomb. Paul Pelosi's Predicament. Astros Win World Series. Musk Vs. Griffin

Please take a moment and share today's show with someone who appreciates free speech and great comedy. In other words, not a Democrat. Huberto left the bench for a little bit in the first period. Are you able to say what it was? I think you'd go take a shit. Go ahead. Oh, yeah, welcome to the big show on a Monday. How are you, folks? Fuck you and your bone spurts. Wow, a little chippy. What the hell was that about?

Did that sound all right to you? Yeah. All right. I'll tell you, a little edgy, aren't you? Yeah, I didn't think I looked like I was from Georgia, so I did this. How you doing? Good to see you. Now, let me tell you something about your vehicle being parked over there. That ain't a good place. That's right. Hey, Hope. Fourth of July, San Francisco.

That's right. My crown came out again. Let me tell you something. I love it down here. But I got to be honest with you. As far as dentistry and medical, a little behind the times. I had an annual physical Friday afternoon. A guy put a leech on me to get blood out. Now, listen. No. But, yeah, I don't know what the fuck, okay? You guys remember I fucking lost this during the filming of the 4th of July movie with Louie. And it was replaced.

That was September of 21. It was replaced July of this year. Piece of chicken. I mean, am I going to have to cut fried chicken now? I mean, you call it permanent when you put it in. You're charging me like it's permanent. I ain't paying nothing else. You hear what I'm saying?

I ain't paying a goddamn dime. You put that motherfucker in rack. So anyhow, I kind of like it. My wife's all grossed out. I don't give a shit I'm 60. You know, I would have got upset, I don't know, when I'm 60. You know, I would have got upset. I don't know, when I was 11. All right.

Real quick, I do my weekend update. My Bruins, I think they probably won and lost since I saw you. Still have the best record in hockey, I believe. They lost in Toronto Saturday night 2-1. Should have won the game. They are just off to the best. Anyways, you don't give a fuck. Astros, we'll get to them in a second.

They deserve that one. They clean this slate. I swear to God, there's a clown car of Dominicans that pulls up in their bullpen. I've never seen bigger, stronger, greasier, tremendous pitching. They're just so good, man. Oh, and here's the other thing. As you know, I'm a college football buff. Big weekend.

And I don't know why I do this. I set the friggin'... I set my DVR for about nine games. And then like an asshole, I'll go to a bar and see all the results. Because every fucking channel has that. Don't we know that people record? Don't they? Or am I the only one? Am I weird? I don't know. Anyways, the one game that I was most interested in, Alabama, Louisiana, I still don't know the results of, I don't think. Nick, well, how is that? Well, I come home and I have eight games recorded except for Alabama. I think I just

forgot to set that one, to be honest with you. So I'm like, well, no big deal. I have eight games recorded except for Alabama. I think I just forgot to set that one, to be honest with you. So I'm like, well, no big deal. I have the SEC network. They do a fucking replay. But first I'll watch the Chiefs and the Titans. About 12 minutes into that game, my fucking cable freezes up. It's Comcast. It's the worst company in the history of cable, of anything, the worst.

Just the fucking worst. That freezes up. I can't get it past this commercial. My thing's been doing it. My DVR, every time I watch something, I'll be watching something live, you know, I'll be watching a recording and I'll be 45 minutes into a game and then it'll slide back to the beginning without wanting. And then when I go to forward it, it'll jump to live, and I'll see the result. I know this is a, I understand folks, this is a first world problem. I don't give a fuck.

I'm a simple guy. I don't do drugs, I don't rape people. It's like a lot of fun to me. I have one passion, fucking pizza and, oh, two, football. And, God fucking damn it, so I can't watch the Chiefs game. So I go, oh, I'll put on the fucking, you know. So now I can't, I put on the Alabama game. Did I already say that part?

And that freezes on me. I go to bed with tears in my eyes. I don't know the results to the fucking Sunday night game or Alabama. Oh, make it even better for you. Then my num nuts friend sends me a picture, a text of some hot chick, right? Some smoking hot broad. And it says, I start to read it. I'm like, this has nothing to do with football. First line, this is LSU's heroes, girl. So I'm going LSU hero. I'm guessing they didn't fucking lose. So I'm going LSU hero.

I'm guessing they didn't fucking lose. Best game of the fucking, of the 19 that I was going to record. So now I do what you do. I know you sports fans have done this when you think you saw a score and you're going to watch a recorded game. You talk yourself out of it. Say it. I don't know. I still don't know.

Right? Do you do that, Dallas? Yeah, I pretend I don't know. I'm sure there's a lot of losing teams with heroes on them. And the girls like a 12 on a scale of 10. What the fuck? You're not putting that up there because the guy fumbled on his own three. That would have been a fat chick eating a hot dog.

Anyways, and one more thing. Again, technology was biting me right in the taint this weekend. I made pizza, and do I have a doll? I'd like to invite all you people to my house. I got it. This is fucking, I'm talking, like, fire oven fucking good. I mean, like, fucking Naples good. Anyways, I get the pizza out of the oven, cut it up.

All of a sudden, the lights and everything in my house go on and off, which is an electrical surge, I'm guessing. But here's the thing. When it did that, this door slams down on my pizza oven, like the fucking Berlin Wall. I mean, it slams down and makes a loud noise,

and it says, emergency, call 8-ba-ba-ba-ba. And I can't open it. Like a screw comes down. It's a safety thing, obviously, and if I read the manual, I'd probably know what it is. So now I have to have a guy come on, Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall. Yeah, so I can't get it to my feet. It's like a crematorium. So something got too hot in there.

It wasn't my wife. What? Yeah, it was. Anyhow, so that's that. Let's get on with the fucking show. That was my weekend. We're going to do that every Monday so I can boil the shit out of you,

and it kills time. Okay, see you guys in Florida. I'm excited about that, too. I called Tommy. I texted him. I go, did somebody tell you I wanted to start working hard again. I'm excited about that, too. I called Tommy. I texted him. I go, did somebody tell you I wanted to start working hard again? I'm supposed to be doing less. You know, but he lays home and collects 20% of it,

so what does he give a fuck? Anyways, let's go right to it. Oh, that was the... That's why you saw the cold open. That's Daryl Sutter, by the way. That's why we love hockey coaches and hockey players. So goddamn funny, wasn't it? Why does it say slide whistle and Hillary?

I'm off to a good start. Oh, God. Anyways, first story, the Don versus Ron. Former President Donald Trump took a shot at Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on Saturday night. Trump, who endorsed DeSantis in 2018 bid for governor, delivered his first public... It's not an attack. He threw a Zing Zangler at him. See, they love the word attack, both sides, journalism. His first public attack by throwing a bottle at him in a Molotov and stabbing him in the balls with a bucket and spork on DeSantis.

Trump gave DeSantis one of his trademark nicknames, by the way, Roger Stone came up with it, it said in the article, during a rally in Latrobe, Pennsylvania. Don't they make, you know what, what's that famous beer, Rolling Rock, Latrobe, Pennsylvania? Great beer and I haven't had it for a while. Anyway, so this is the wrong way to go about it. Are they going to start taking shots at each other? You know what I'm saying? I'll get to my theory in a second, but I don't want to see these guys in a sword fight. Oh boy, is this great? That's a good picture of Trump right there. Right? Must be the lighting. He's got a jawline.

I don't know why he's doing the blowjob thing with a hand. That's really taking a shot at DeSantis. He looks great there. rally to pump up Republican candidates to win critical midterm elections. Trump used the spotlight to attack the Republican, again, not attack, he gave him his things angler, we call it, Republican governor. Trump read polling numbers for favorite Republicans to run for president in the 2024 election. And here he is giving a little jab to DeSantis. giving a little jab to DeSantis. Trump at 71. Ron DeSanctimonious at 10%. Mike Pence at 70.

Oh, Mike's doing better than I thought. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Santa's sitting home watching. Trump was citing a premise poll of only 512 adults. Oh, my God. 512? What does that tell you? Talk about a small sample size. Why don't you ask the homeless guy laying on a bench? Between September 2nd and September 5th, they did it.

Longtime Trump ally Roger Stone, that's my boy who loved my radio show, reportedly used the Iran toctimonious nickname. This is a guy who has a Nixon tattoo on his back, and he got it when he was 18 when he was working for, like, Reagan. Remember the FBI kicked his front door in and shit just because he's a Trump backer?

Ron DeSanctimonious nickname. In recent polls on Truth Social, I'm on there. I just don't know how to post. Several polls show support for both Trump and DeSantis as the 2024 GOP presidential nominee. The CPAC straw poll taken in February found that Trump was the overwhelming favorite for 2024 Republican candidate at 55 percent versus only 21% for DeSantis. Well, I am your voice. The Granite State poll from the University of New Hampshire Survey Center

conducted in June revealed that 39% of likely New Hampshire Republican primary voters favor DeSantis over 37 who want Trump to be the GOP presidential nominee in 2024. A Politico morning consult poll from August said that 58% of registered Republican voters want Trump to be the nominee versus only 16% for DeSantis. A USA Today Suffolk University poll taken up by September of likely Florida midterm voters

showed that 48% would support DeSantis compared to 40% for Trump, so I don't know what all that means. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger. No, Will Robinson. Danger. Here's how they should handle it,

in my opinion. They get together. Now's the time for unity, folks. As fucking John Gotti said in that movie on HBO in 1985, played brilliantly by Amin Asante, I don't have any time for subversives. I got no time for subversives. He's got to go.

Trump ought to, either way, either one of these guys is fine with me. I sort of favor Trump because he's got less manners, and we need that. You know what I mean? I see DeSantis giving in, being too, anyways, he's, I don't know, he's a shit stirrer too. Either way, we're good. I think one of them should come out for the other and say, look, even do it behind the

scenes, you're probably gonna have to debate each other. I don't know. Trump should give, you know, if Trump came out and said, DeSantis is the man, you're probably going to have to debate each other. I don't know. Trump should give, you know, if Trump came out and said DeSantis is the man, but then he cuts a deal with DeSantis and says, look, I'm going to be in your ear the whole time. You know what I mean? And people say, well, make him the vice president. You could do that too.

Dick Cheney was pretty powerful. People say he was the president when GW was in there. So either way, but they shouldn't start shitting on each other, but I guess that's how it works. But we need unity right now. We've got to go to the mattresses. I want to get there sometime tomorrow. Watch out, the kids, when you're backing up.

Anyways, you guys get it. What's a show without a godfather, Robbins? Let's stay on politics and the rally in Latrobe. CNN was there. And as you know, Trump about, what, 10 minutes into his first run for president turned the fucking, turned his supporters. Well, they were already hated, CNN. But apparently that feeling hasn't gone away. Have you seen Don Lemon, by the way, in his new face?

He's got his fucking face pulled back so tight his taint is on the bridge of his nose. He looks like a bitch. He's got a morning show with two chicks. They're three lovely ladies all together. Here's Trump supporters letting CNN know

how they feel, because of course they were there trying to get their ratings up. Say hello to CNN everybody black Latino white old young We need to get back to Trump! We need to get back to Trump! We need to get back to Trump! So the fake news never talked about the crowd, but we had an unbelievable... Can you stay cataclysmic? You are fake news, sir. Look, they're all looking right at him.

I saw a chubby Mexican lady right there giving the finger with both hands. Double barrel. And they deserve it all. Boy, did they, huh? Did they just go away? Finally imploded. That's a good sign.

I think, right? I don't think they seem as relevant. I put on MSNBC last night for a second just to see what the enemy's doing. Oh my God. Even they, even they, for the five minutes I watched, it wasn't that

biased. They can't help it. It is such a shit show with Biden. They can't even fucking hide it. Anyways, you know what would make it feel good? Head over to my website, nickdip.com, as Bostonians say,.com, to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, miniskirts, 12-year-old girl bras, and a Devo hat. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look good at the same time. Get one of these and you'll be in. You can also get signed copies of my previous special called Liberace Sucks and all of the Nika shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on the store button. Again, that's nickdip.com. Thank you guys. Better, better mush. Comedy been better good than me. Joe Biden's truth bomb is the next story. Joe Biden, let one fly, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm not talking about when he was talking to somebody over in England. Remember he shit his pants talking to some royalty? Hi, how are you? Ugh, lactose. Jill, you got the pills? Guy just ate a pound of fucking Chunky Monkey. Here you go. Hold that black dick, you big jerk. Anyways, he was giving a speech somewhere in front of three people, I'm sure. And nobody cares.

He's just, he dared to go off the cuff here. This is what happens. And again, this is why they roll him out like, you know, fucking Hannibal Lecter. They keep that muzzle on him until they put the prompter on and they push him out there. But given this little speech here, he let a Freudian slip go about climate change. Here's Dinkweed. In addition, we're making the biggest investment ever. Shut the fuck up.

To deal with a climate crisis. I know you all know there's no climate problem. You are correct, sir. I think I heard the audience start to laugh. They thought it was like being sarcastic. That's how fucked up he is. This guy has no business, no business being a junior senator.

Nevermind the president of the United States. He's lost his mind. It's not even fun. Jill, you're a real asshole sitting there watching this. Then you can write a book while he's dead and make all your money about being the first lady

who nobody gave a fuck about. I'd hang out with Michelle Obama before I'd hang out with either one of you. And I hate her fucking black guts. Accurate climate records have been kept for only the past 150 to 200 years. This is a few of the comments after, which I couldn't agree with more. What about the previous four and a half billion or so years? That's exactly right. It's a great question. It's a sick question. You're a sick fucker. I'm not that sick that I'm gonna answer it. Of course you're not. You ever think of that? There's four billion years worth of weather. We started literally a minute ago keeping records. And they

know that. They're not that stupid. Again, it's all a ploy, folks, to bring this country to its knees. According to Al Gore, I almost said AI. This is a picture of him 20 years ago. He don't even look that good. There you go. The first one of you is telling you how big his carbon footprint was. Now he lost a left arm to global warming. That's what he's saying.

According to Al Gore's speech, this is me talking. Remember 15 or 20 years ago, he said Miami should have already been underwater by now. After the last presidential election, Russiagate and COVID, this being the biggest scam by these scumbags yet. It is. This is the biggest one. You know, even the world's involved in it. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, and you know it.

He does know it. He knows better. Let's move on to my favorite fag, Paul Pelosi. This sucker of Satan's cock had a real weekend. Anyways, a story came out, you know, that really went down. If you guys don't know, three seconds after we read the initial, I'm like, that's not what happened. Even my wife, who's like MacGGyver why is the glass on the fucking I actually heard a couple guys say that today on I mean yesterday during the

news one guy asked why is the glass on the outside Paul Pelosi's predicament get it predict a man no no no Pelosi playing hide the, seen here with a tie no straight man would pick out. He looks straight, though. He looks like a mob boss. Pelosi was released from the hospital on Thursday night, having a claw hammer removed from his asshole. a claw hammer removed from his asshole.

And on Friday morning, NBC's Miguel Amigua filed a report that is no longer available on the Today Show website. That would be NBC. Here's a nice young Latino boy that Paul would fucking cut his left nut off to suck. Am I right? You are correct, sir. Why did I do that?

You are correct, sir. I am. Instead, the video has been deleted, and the story's been appended with an editor's note. Listen, this is what the editor's note says. The piece should not have aired. This was on TV because it did not meet NBC News reporting standards. Don't say a fucking word to me.

I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head. It's a pen, not a telephone. First of all, NBC standards. Remember they try to get, remember the pussy tape when Trump said you can grab them by the pussy? Remember they sat on that video? That's their standards,

by the way. Again, this handsome Miguel Taravaza. Anyways, so he reports the truth and it's gonzo um let's take a look at the video after a knock and announce the front door was opened by Mr. Pelosi the 82 year old did not immediately declare an emergency or tried to leave his home but instead began walking several feet back into the foyer toward the assailant. Pause.

Who fucking taught that? Towards the foyer, he walked back towards the cops. Oh, I don't know. I like cops. Cheap as crow. Anyways, Mr. Pallone, we all know he was playing hide the fucking baloney

and things went sour. It's happened to me a million times. I had this gardener. Anyways, a source told Mediate the segment was removed after, again from the NBC website, after it was determined the main source for the information was unreliable. And this is how they think.

It doesn't fit their narrative. You're unreliable. They are as corrupt as the day is long, the media. I don't know how to fix it. Elon Musk, that's a step taken over Twitter. What's your next move? Seriously, you're the only guy on the planet that has the money and the resource to figure this out.

Can you buy NBC, CBS, buy them all out and burn them to the fucking ground? Because this country's never going to be right as long as they have the blowhorn, these fuckstains. Oh boy, I feel a Daryl Sutter coming on. I made the most delicious sausage and green pepper pizza. It was so good.

I set the deck. That's the floor to 725. Okay? I figured it out. Fucking roof goes up to 1,300 degrees. I put it at 1,000. So they cook even. Anyways, I put the cheese on for the last minute. Anyways,

that's why I look like this. How you doing? Anyway, where am I? Determine the main source for the information was unreliable. Specifically what the police saw and how far. This is all what they call backpedaling and rewriting the story, rewriting history. So you guys will think, we all know he, the guy was a nudist he's a nut cake this guy wanted a blow job 82 you can do that with cls and whatnot and how far the attacker was from the door in other words you're lying and you're a piece of shit like the guy said so they open the door there's really no emergency paul pel answers the door. The cops come in and he walks towards what was supposed to be the assailant, the peppy, the pape, the pole sucker. That's German.

The pole sucker. Anyways, so there was no emergency. It was a lover spat and the guy whacked him in the head with a hammer because apparently Pelosi was using his teeth. You know, make plans to come see me on the road. Here are my upcoming stand-up dates, including this weekend, this weekend, it's here, folks, in Florida, Friday, that's this Friday, the 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club. I've been there before, West Palm Beach, Florida. The next night, the 12th, Snapper's Comedy Club. That's in Fort Myers, I guess, somewhere in that area. Sunday, the 13th, my old haunt, Side Split is Comedy Club in Tampa, Florida.

I'll be doing a Q&A after the show. Friday, January 13th and 14th, Comedy Off-Broadway in Lexington, Kentucky. And then in February, the 3rd and 4th, the Grove Comedy Club, Lowell, Arkansas. I'm excited about those. Haven't been to these. Friday the 11th and Saturday the 12th of March, the Comedy Club of KC. And that's in Mizzou, ladies and gentlemen. You can get tickets to all the shows at nickdip.com.

Right here. Houston, we don't have a problem. Got to cover the Astros. Congratulations to the Houston Astros. Clearly the best team in baseball because I'll tell you, the Phillies, they were the surprise story.

They were the last team into the playoffs. You know that? And they were eight games under.500 like at the end of May or June or whatever when they fired Gia. Nobody expected these fuckers in. And they came close. But that pitching staff, those guys, you know, the Phillies put a hurt on them in game one of a three, I think it was, wasn't it? Two? Game two. No, you're probably right. No, they won game one. They lost game two. First game in Philly, which is game three. They 7-0, and I was like, that offense is next night they get no hitting.

And the pitching never laid off after that. The bullpen. Half of Dominican Republic's in there. They all throw 101 night with ease. And they're all, you know what I like about this Astros? They're almost likable. Everybody hates them because of the cheating thing. These guys are almost likable. Altuve looks like he's having a great

time. He looks like he appreciates the money he's making. The guy, I can't even remember the pitcher's name, Valdez, who started this game, he was like smiling the whole time. They look like they're having a great time. And they just, their pitching is frightening. And they get, their pitching is frightening. And they get big, oh, Alvarado, whatever his name is.

That guy, the big poppy for the Astros. Comes up, he's having kind of a shitty World Series. What's he do, though? Three-run bomb. Fucking lands above what they call the batter's eyes. That green patch out there. Landed above that, which nobody's – it was 450 feet in the clutch in a World Series game. Anyways, here is the final out as the Astros win the World Championship of Baseball.

Real Muto runs. Castellanos. It is high. It is far. It is foul ball and clutch. Catch. The Houston Astros are the 2022 World Series champions. And look where they all went in the dugout.

The players on the field celebrating in the dugout. There's one guy who's getting all the hugs. All right. Bunch of the players, relatives sitting home doing this. But they did it, man, because they had this monkey hanging over their head.

The last one they won, they had cheated and everybody hated them for it. And they cleansed the man, because they had this monkey hanging over their head. The last one they won, they had cheated, and everybody hated them for it. And they cleansed the palate, as they say. For five years, they reestablished a standard of excellence in Major League Baseball, making the World Series their near-annual playground, yet earning well-earned scorn off the field and heartbreak on it. You know, because of one of the funniest, to me, the funniest scandal in the history of baseball,

where they were stealing signs using high-tech computers and a trash can and a bat. And people were still whining about it. I'm going to stab you through the heart with a fucking pencil. Do you understand me? Yes, I'll shut it. Yet with one mighty swing from Jordan Alvarez, let me explain his first name.

See, Jordan, the J in Spanish, they say Y. So I'm guaranteed somebody said, what's your name? Jordan Alvarez. And the white guy who was writing it on the berth of a computer. This is my theory. Anyways, after all the organization tumult, free agent defections and a maddening series of near misses, returned to the baseball summit Saturday night,

defeating the Phillies 4-1 in Game 6 of the World Series, earning their first championship since now a solid 2017 title in, you know, back then. Yes, sir! And our boy Cora, who I love. And Dusty Baker, who has done everything in baseball you can. He's been an all-star as a player. He's managed 1,290-something games.

I love guys who are lifers. You know what I mean? I don't care if you're a trash man, a whatever, a fucking pastry chef. I love guys who are just in it until they die. This guy's a life of baseball. It's been great to him. And he's got this aura about him. He's just like a hip old dude.

Here he is. The players are all hugging him, but here he is after the win. How about them Astros? What about them, you big fag? Now, what's next? Party. Listen to that town.

You think he'll ever... Well, I'm sure he hasn't paid for a drink there in years. But I mean, do you... Can you imagine? And he's very recognizable. Can you imagine him walking into a restaurant in Houston? And what's he want to do? Party. And he will.

It's not an all-white guy. That guy's got a joint the size of a, what do you mean, Nick? I don't know, I'm just saying stuff. Back to the show. Anyways. Speaking of nobody. Speaking of successful men other than Dusty,

Elon Musk riffing on Griffin. I'm becoming a huge Musk fan. I always, I mean, just a smart white dude. He's got trillions. Richest guy on the planet. It's kind of something I brag about, huh? Imagine putting that on you. Not that he needs dating apps.

Imagine if he's on like Tinder and that's his profile. I'm the richest guy alive. I don't know, any snatch spring in his doorbell? Nick, why do you get a shut up? Kathy Griffin, remember that fucking unfunny, cancerous, red-freckled twat? Remember she had Trump's head? That was funny, wasn't it, huh?

That kind of backfired on her, didn't it? Kathy Griffin snuck back onto Twitter like anybody knew she was gone by taking over her dead mom's account. How do I know that? Because I was banging her dead mom

when she walked in and asked for the goddamn password. That's her mother or father. It's Phil Donahue with AIDS. Taking over her dead mom's account, calling new owner Elon Musk an asshole. Anybody who's male and fucking more successful.

And I met her. She was nice to me. I still wanted to drill her in the head with a fucking rock. Musk is an asshole for joking that she'd been suspended for impersonating a comedian. What's the matter with that?

Comedy's not allowed. You're using your mother's dead body. That's nice. You're a nice girl. Good to be important in it. Griffin, 62, her next 162, was suspended Sunday for challenging the site's policy against impersonation by changing her

profile name to Elon Musk without making clear that it was a parody. She's a malignant cunt. All right, take it easy, Elon. Self-appointed Twitter complaint hotline operator, Musk confirmed the suspension with a savage roast. But if she really wants her account back, this is Musk talking, she can have it for $8. He said in a pair of tweets referring to his new monthly fee for users who want their blue tick verifying their account. What's funny about that, it's coming from the world's richest guy. That's what makes it so funny. You can have it back for eight bucks. The world's richest man also replied with a laughing emoji when another Twitter user, ooh, they had their

claws out for Kathy, clearly marked parody, this new user, as per Twitter rules. That guy quipped, this is the first time I've ever made anyone laugh. He was impersonating Kathy Griffin. That's a good one. Good for you, fella. Here's my question. I got a blue check thing. But my question is, how do I know when I'm not being shadowbanned,

when that's lifted? Anybody out there? You can nick at nickdeparlo.com. Answer the question, whatever the fuck. I'd like to know. I'm not going to, you know. I used to enjoy tweet. But then I'd put something out that was fucking super funny and you'd get one thumb, you're like, uh-oh.

Excuse me. The real Griffin, however, of course was not seeing the funny side because, you know, she's a liberal twat. Anything feminist is the antithesis of comedy. She didn't see the funny side, just like her friends don't, as she posted a series of angry responses to her suspension from the account of her late mom, Maggie Griffin, who died age 99. Oh, no, we're going to have to look at this. I hope you didn't get none of those genes. I hope she got her dad's genes, who died at 38 from retardation.

I just made that up. She died at 99, Mrs. Griffin. Good for her. Don't take no shit off nobody. I'm very upset. Anyways, I mean, you stole that joke. This is Kathy Griffin, supposedly a comedian, responding to Elon Musk. This is why the left is just finished and it's taking the fun out of the world. I mean, you stole that joke.

You're an asshole. People have been posting that joke for hours, you hack. Calling the most successful guy on the planet a hack. Go get your fucking mannequin head. Speaking of hacks, your prop hack. Look, please do a better job running this company, she continues. It used to mean something. This is Kathy Griffin, by the way.

You get that little red beaver right up there in front of you. I don't think it's crazy at all. That's Elon. You see how it is? It used to mean something to the company. When we had control of it and the message, that's what it meant something. You people on the left, you're just rotten to the core. Griffin repeatedly used the hashtag, hashtag free Kathy. Oh yeah, let me get right on it. Just for others to reply with hashtag, please free us from Kathy. Oh, I think the worm has turned, huh?

Elon, you're my hero. Get me on your show. Do you have a show? He goes, yeah, it's called The Globe. You're standing on it. Anyways, that's it, right? That's it for today. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to Fenway Park.

What else? Cameo.com. If you want to meet a roast friend or relative or say happy birthday to somebody, be nice, be funny, be mean. It's all in good fun. Go to Cameo.com hope to see you guys this weekend again oh let me say this before I forget it

there'll be no show next Monday as I'll be either traveling back from Florida or recovering I plan to do a lot of fentanyl that's it you guys think I'll say it? you're very welcome I'll see you back here tomorrow okay

okay hi good night everybody guitar solo Outro Music