The Nick DiPaolo Show - Netanyahu Hits Back Hard! | Nick Di Paolo Show #1468

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Israel taking Gaza, Biden's BBQ  and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Don't you move, you motherfucker! I'll blow your brains out! Hi. Welcome, folks. It's Tuesday. The great state of Georgia. Excuse me. Tuberculosis brought in from Guatemala. Hey, it's a big week. Dallas is getting? That's three days. No, that's three days. Two days, he says. Oh yeah, today. You're right, god damn it. You're absolutely... See, dude, this is going to be a long show.

I can't even do that math. Wow. Kill a good little buttered duck. Anyhow, to celebrate Ellis, there'll be a lot of this at his wedding. Hopefully there's none of that. Jesus, am I hungry. I'm a dazer. Jesus, am I hungry. I'm a dazer. Let's get right to it.

Since the world seems to be imploding, ever since shithead became fake presidente, all the stuff they said that was going to happen under Trump, all of it, going to push us to the brink of world war. Well, this isn't Biden's fault, this latest it isn't. Sucking Iran's dick since he got in office, you don't know that because it happens behind the scenes, and you have a wife and kids and family and have a life. I actually sit on the toilet reading this shit hours at a time, if the Lysol's handy.

Listen. H-Jews. Who? H-Jews. I know. I just went outside, you know, to have a little rest out there, fresh air. Hold on. Fresh air in Garden City?

Good point. Folks, makes a valid point. The minute you fucking, you're on the highway, the minute you, it says enter Garden, the minute you fucking you're on the highway the minute you it says enter a garden the minute you go across it's like there's somebody waiting with shit on a rag and they go like this under your nose it's like it's like the Jersey Turnpike you can smell chemicals and dead bodies fucking weird really but here today apparently the winds blowing in the right there but my point is there's a strip mall across the street and there's some I know if it's a

novelty store or what it is but apparently it's celebrating or selling Halloween math and they have a fake laugh dude and it recycles every, I'd say, 15 seconds. And it's way more annoying than what I just did. And I know there's going to be a fight with a guy who's running the business. I was just trying to get some, I had the tailgate open on my car. I was just sitting on it trying to read. Oh, God help us anyways Israel as you know was under attack this weekend by the filthy Hamas group I don't know if you guys know the whole history of it

do you know that Israel in 1967 six day day, well, they won back. They took control of God. And then they gave it up 30 years later in 2008, I think it was. Relinquished it. I think that's, isn't that what you call shows of good faith? Or am I not understanding that? If you come here to get Middle Eastern news, go fuck yourself. You're in the wrong place, all right? I'll be at Yuck Yucks next week, wiping my ass with a blow horn.

What? I just hit that bone thing again. That goddamn bone chip. Anyways. So anyways, you know they get a sneak attack, sucker punch by Hamas. And you piss off Netanyahu, it's over for you. Because what you need to know about Israel, they know, they have our firepower backing them up, but they also have tremendous firepower

in the greatest military, right? Dallas, you know, these guys are badasses. The Israeli defense forces and all that. Anyways, Israel today takes Gaza. Israel has announced a complete... Here we go, the stupid... It says Sleege. Okay, see, that's an L.

Huh? Dude, it's a fucking L. I wish you could see through my eyes for a second. You'd be amazed I got Israel out. It's fucking... Do you know when you get... Let's say, ever get shampoo in your eye, everything's blurry? That's what I got Israel out. It's fucking... Do you know when you get... Let's say, ever get shampoo in your eye, everything's blurry? That's what I'm looking at.

I know people at home keep going, get a Nutella. I'm gonna. Fucking relax. That's me blowing up Best Buy because I didn't have... Israel has announced a complete siege, not sledge, of the Gaza Strip as hundreds of thousands of troops are preparing to launch an assault. They're calling up

300,000 of them. See over there, folks, you might not know this, but women Two years, yep. Yep. Women serve too. And they're not fucking around like the fucking lesbians over here. This one again, I can't bud light. These motherfuckers. And they're hot.

Yes, that's why you should watch Fowder. It's Yiddish for hot. It's actually Arab for chaos. Preparing to launch an assault. Oh my God, Dallas. On the Hamas terror group responsible for the deadly attacks across Israel over the weekend. Yeah, we know all that, you fuckheads. Get to the goddamn story.

Israel Defense Minister Yoav Galat. Hey, that's funny because the guy in Faro's name, they call him Geli, said following a situation assessment, real assessment, you look out and, well, there's no buildings left, all our people are dead. Call me a detective. With Israeli Defense Force IDF, Southern Command, the military will enact a complete siege, do you hear me? Not a sledge, A siege hammer of the

Gaza Strip. That's what I call my wife. She shaves down there. Jesus Christ. Preventing supplies. They're cutting off water, food, and electricity. The Israelis are cutting that off.

They're sieging Gaza. Entering the region. The defense are cutting that off. They're seizing Gaza, entering the region. The defense minister said, according to the—does Hamas think about that before they act? How, wait a minute, they control everything and anything. That's how you know it's on. They're like, we don't give a shit. The defense minister said, according to the Times of Israel, great publication, I ordered a full siege on the Gaza Strip. No power, no food, no gas. We're gonna take away their gas stoves, no dishwashers. Got this idea from Biden. He says everything is closed.

Everything is, really? I can't get a nice shawarma? The fucking 7-Eleven team? Anyways, so no food, no gas. No soup for you. You hear the accent? We are fighting human animals. Well, that's kind of a contradiction.

The animals. You don't have to put you. And we act accordingly. That's what I like about the Israelis. Gallant added, the Israeli Defense Forces has also said it is currently waging widespread airstrikes against Hamas targets throughout the Gaza Strip. Oh, shut it. throughout the Gaza Strip. Oh, shut it.

The IDF, Israeli Defense Forces, top spokesman, rear admiral. What's the rear mean, Dallas? I'm pretty sure it means rear admiral, meaning that they're the ones that stay back. They're higher up the chain and they're making all the decisions. They stay back? Yeah, they don't go out and deploy.

They're not in the action. But is that what the word rare is referring to? I never understood that. Not a Navy guy, but pretty sure. I thought it was in the Army too, but no. Rare Admiral Daniel Higari, oh he's good, said that the military has immobilized 300,000 reserves

over the past 48 hours, saying we have never drafted so many reservists on such a scale. We are going on the offense. Let me tell you something, Hamas. You kicked the hornet's nest, my friends. You're not my friends. Fuck off, you dirty terrorist cocksuckers. The chief military spokesman went on to say that Israeli troops have regained control over the border towns, but that some clashes with Hamas terrorists are continuing, saying,

we are now carrying out searches in all of the communities and clearing the area. Ooh, that sounds not good if you're a jihadi. Absolutely. No doubt about it. And you forgot the shawarma. You know, I call Hamas, Hamas. And people find it so goddamn funny over there. I live in an Israeli kibbutz. Don't you love me? I don't. Ah, my neck hurts. Another thing, Dallas. I wake up, the pain.

I don't know. I'll be dead soon. Hey, guys, in the second half of the show, I'll be talking about the UN has a shocking take on this war. Shocking to people who don't know what the UN is about anymore. And RFK Jr. makes a huge announcement. Apparently he's trans. Sounds like it. Oh. Actually, goodbye.

He's a trans grandmother. I hope he becomes president so I can finally do him. He sounds like your grandmother diddling herself while she's on the phone with you. He sounds like he's on a sit-down lawnmower going across railroad tracks. I like him, though. Again, I love the fact he takes his shirt off. He's a male. I like him better than the schmucks on our side.

God damn it. Anyways, all that is exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdip.com. Did you guys get that? All that second half of the show is you're going to be on Mug Club. You have to join. And you join at nickdip.com. That's my site.

You can get lawn furniture and false teeth. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Let's move on to potty all the time. That was a song by Eddie Murphy, folks, believe it or not.

I want to say 80s, right? It was a fucking hit song. The president, Joe Biden, I can't even say that with a straight face, Jordan, I can't even say that with a straight face, was roasted for hosting a barbecue and enjoying a concert with a live band in the Rose Garden. While reports surfaced that four U.S. citizens were killed, and that's in the Hamas attack in Israel. That's gone up, I think. And there's a bunch of kidnapped Americans, not a bunch, but a handful, in Israel. And Americans had likely been taking hostage,

which we know they have by now. Is that really from yesterday, that picture? That's really from his cookout. That's from the Rose Garden cookout. Look at him. You'd think he was at a tailgate in Kentucky. Stick that spatula up your ass. That's lively as ever spent right you know you know fucking hunter gave him a couple bumps get out there that's i'm telling you on sunday it was real by u.s sources that at least four americans

were killed now you younger people go so what's the big deal? Now, back in the day, even Clinton, Reagan, any of that, they would fucking, trust me, even if it was just optics and they didn't give a shit, they would give you the impression that they gave a shit. But because he's not making the calls

and surrounded by young people who don't know any of that, they don't even know how to fucking play the optics. They do know how to steal elections, but they just push them out there yeah but people are going to get mad no they're not anyways at least four americans were killed in hamas attack the death toll of u.s citizens in israel uh is expected to rise which i think it already has sources also said that there are at least seven amer missing in Israel. That ain't good. You know what I mean? Because I'm guessing they would have contacted home somehow. Oh, boy. I hope

none of my comedy friends are, I know a few that pop over there here and there. Michael Herzog, who's that? Well, he's the Israeli ambassador to the United States. He confirmed that several Americans were taken in Gaza as hostages by Hamas. Ron Dermer, Israeli minister for strategic affairs, corroborated the report by saying, I think it's scores of hostages. I can tell you there's also American hostages as part of that number as well. Also on Sunday, President Biden hosted a barbecue at the White House

while the war between Israel and Hamas raged on. They asked him what he thought, and he said, Delicious. At 11.34 a.m.,iden called a lid for the day isn't a lid a thing of drugs you get a lid back in the day you did you get a litter week he called for a lid means that's it as far as official work that's what putting a lid on it now they have fun this is people it really is fucking and i think I just called it perfectly. He would know better if he was of sound mind

to, you know, the optics would be bad, as stupid as he was back in the day. He at least knew how to fake the game. The people who are handling him, they don't know any of this shit. A White House pool report revealed that Biden

was entertaining the Rose Garden on Sunday afternoon. Brian Bennett, senior White House correspondent at the time. Why, you really, you're covering some dangerous beats there, huh? Inquired about a live band playing in the Rose Garden in the late afternoon and early evening. What are you celebrating, the death of Jews? The White House responded, the president and first whore are hosting a barbecue for White House executive residence staff and their families, which is a nice thought because it's the staff, it's people who cook and claim for these people. I understand that, but you got to put it off. See, because the American people, they probably pay those people too.

The president enjoying a soiree while American citizens are being held hostage by Hamas struck a nerve with many. Senator Josh Hawley, who has a huge nerve. Yeah, exactly. While Hamas, he says, while Hamas holds Americans hostage, Joe Biden is enjoying a picnic with a live band. Hey, Senator, put a few fuck bombs in there if you want to make me believe you give a shit.

Call the president a cocksucker. You can do that in this country. I say take advantage of it. Say his wife is a filthy pig. Political commentator, probably a nice lady. I don't give a fuck. No, she's not. She's rolling this jerk off out.

Political commentator Stephen L. Miller. Oh, Stephen Miller I like. He's the guy with the dead eyes. The lawyer for, you always saw him on when Trump was in office. And he still comes on. He's got those. Every time I see him, I think of that scene in 48 hours. You guys remember the shootout in the hotel lobby?

And Nolte's his partner. Somehow the bad guy gets the gun from him. The bad guy gets the gun from the cop. And he's got, anyways. Don't you do it Jack the guys that give me the fucking gun this is fucking infuriating see Stephen Miller says fuck really like him a lot Nick why because he says fuck a lot as Lenny Clark once when he was on stage and he says fuck like all Bostonians way too many times and he goes you know people say I say fuck a lot say fuck a lot and he goes yeah he goes uh the Kennedy's say

and the Clark's say fuck fuck fuck uh anyways commentator Stephen L. Miller, this is fucking infuriating. Americans are dead and being held hostage, and Biden is asking for no onions. Biden went to a barbecue, he says. Can you friggin' imagine? Blond appiccini. And Blinken is begging Turkey, not the food, the country, you might get confused, there's a barbecue going on, to stand down, telling Israel to stand down.

He's begging Turkey to tell Israel to stand down. Why don't you tell him? I've never seen anything like this ever. Ron DeSantis, rapid response director, Christina Pushaw said, disgusting. response director, Christina Pushaw, said, disgusting. Political strategist Joey Manorino said, at least four Americans are presumed dead in Israel, and Joe Biden is too busy having a barbecue party at the White House to care. This guy is truly sick. Well, yeah, he's got dementia. He was sick. sick. Well, yeah, he's got dementia. He was sick. He was sick when you guys stole the election. That was the whole idea. He's too sick to know what's going on. He's perfect.

And I'm sticking with my theory. That's why they still have a hard-on for Kamala, as stupid as she is. Empty vessel. Fill it. You know, just fill it with all this hate and whatever the fuck. Anyways. Hey, for those of you on Mug Club right now, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show. Not only my full show, Steven Crowder's, which you ever see the quality of production? He's got the most expensive equipment. He shoots a little sketch, and it looks like that's the most Scorsese worked on for two months. You get Crowder's full show.

You get the Hodge twins, Brian Callen, Alex Jones every Friday. So he's putting together a murderous row there. Anyways, again, get it at nickdip.com. guitar solo Outro Music