The Nick DiPaolo Show - Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen Ep 12 | Nick Di Paolo Show #1589

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo makes Chicken Pot Pie! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

["Sweet Home Alone"] How many men on a hockey team? About half. Folks, welcome to the show on a Thursday. That's right, another episode of Nick's Bitch in Kitchen. Today, chicken pot pie from El Scratcho. The pastry, the whole thing from scratch. It's a good hearty meal. It'll clog your heart. It's great. Hey, welcome to another edition of Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen. Chicken pot pie. Yeah, you

can go buy one frozen and whatnot, but you know, while you're in there, you get stabbed in the ass by somebody homeless guy. I'm working Biden into this. No, you know, homemade chicken pot pie. I fucking love it. It's one of my favorite things to make. So watch me butcher this. of this. Alright, let's start with actually make the pastry for it, that goes over it. If I had my phone here I'd show you what it's supposed to look like. Hold on, let me grab my butter in the dining room next to the guns. Let me see real quick, I don't know how I'm doing this, but I'll show you what the last one looked like just to prove on how to do it. Just in case this one gets broken.

Look at that. Nice. Nice, right? Sure, three people got second head diarrhea, but that's not the point, kids. We didn't like those people anyways. All right, let's make the hardest part is the crust thing, in my opinion. But not what a food processor is not. If you hear a dog barking next door, you know what the next meal is gonna be. Ooh, I've been home for two hours, hasn't made a peep.

That's right, the angry chef. All right. Look at this. Food product. I don't know how people live without this. Okay, I'm gonna make the pastry for the thing. Three cups of flour. All purpose. Alright.

Teaspoon and a half of kosher salt. Teaspoon of baking powder. That's right, Bugs. I don't know what it does. Good to see them prepared huh? Here we go. Your mother used to do it in a bowl remember? She'd cut the pastry with the fucking... What's a bowl? If you cut the pastry with the fucking... What the bowl? You know...

You dig, but... I'm just mixing the dry ingredients, the salt, the whatever I just put in there, right? Alright. Did I not get a cold stick of butter out of the... Yes you did. I did. I'm fucking losing it. You're alright. But I found it. That's right. It was in the dining room This is uh

Do do do do you know one stick is a Two sticks is a pound so one sticks a half a pound Anyways one stick of butter salted unsalted I don't give a shit they always say unsalted whatever I'm gonna cut this up into cubes throw it in there you know I'm saying hey Oh vanilla ice cream have you ever made a crust of vanilla ice cream? Have you ever made a cross of a vanilla ice cream? That's actually, you know what, vegetable shortening. I'm not going to cut these as small as I usually do because I just checked on them.

They always say, you know, dice or cubus. They never tell you. Like, but I just want want the internet and watch some woman they're pretty chunky to women not the butter you know kids oh my finger you whore you ever make a crest Dallas it's kind of fun. Sometimes it's tricky. Stick it. Make sure it's chilled. Right? I'm going to put my foot up that dog's ass. Right after I kill my own dog. Just kidding folks. You know I wouldn't do that when the cameras are rolling. You know what makes a fucking awesome crust when you have butter and shortening? Apparently.

I'm not going to get into the scientifics, but there is a reason for it. Chris Goh. Dick Cheney's worst enemy. This cannot be good for you. Do you understand folks? I don't even know if I'm supposed to break this into pieces. That feels weird. Yeah motherfucker!

Wait, Hamas supporter? Yeah. Alright. Butters in, shortening. Did I tell you how much shortening? I don't think you did. You just had a glob of it. I have no idea. No, half a cup I believe. Yeah.

I'll check it out later. I'm just supposed to have a cup. And one stick of chilled butter chopped up Here here's where it gets cool I'm gonna pulse this until you see little pea-sized This this is an old this is you're not supposed to have to do this The buttons right here. Pulse.

The pulse button's not working. Until it starts to break down into little pea-sized clumps. It's like 10 or 12 pulses or whatever. Whatever, just do it. You guys have probably done this before. Make sure that's off before you reach in. Made that mistake. Okay, we're getting close.

See, kind of like pea size. They always say pea size. Then they find a pound of butter. But a couple more pulses. Alright, now you start adding ice water, about a half a cup, quarter to a half a cup. Add ice water slowly till it comes together. I'm supposed to put ice in there. It's coming together. There we go. You don't want to do it too much because it gets tough, supposedly.

The dough gets tough. Take this baby out. Oh, it's perfect. It's a little tacky like it's supposed to be. You guys didn't know how to do this shit, right? That's right, I was a Navy SEAL when I was 11. Hey, you'll learn to make chicken pot pie, you never know when you're going to have 12, 15 hungry seals. All right, put this on a fl's surface.

Just kind of bring it together. You know what I'm saying? Look at that. Hey boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. Which yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick Assurance. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store.

Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Hey, in the second half of this show, you know what I'll be doing? I'll be putting the finishing touches on a chicken pot pie that's going to knock your socks off. Axe my mother. Also get full episodes of the Nick DePalo Show. Ann Lauder with Crowder four days a week.

Also Brian Callan, Mr. Guns and Gail Weekly and exclusive live streams on Alex Jones. You're going to get all that for nine bucks a month or $89 annually that's exclusively on Mug Club so sign up now and for you listeners out there we're now uploading the complete audio version of the show in addition to the video so watches can still access the video version as normal okay we always think of you guys all right back to the second half of Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen. Step up the rubber. That's why we hate baseball. All right, wrap this in Saran wrap. Put it in the fridge for a half hour it makes it easy to work with I find that it's true of my wife too you know kids correct for a quack how does he know this faggy shit I don't know eat like an animal half hour

right and the fridge you can put it make it a disc too if you want or whatever. I'm just going to roll it up. I'm going in the freezer. Please remind me because we have a time constraint. Me and Dallas have been up since the fucking, you know, little cut to time. You know I'm going to forget that. Anyways, alright. So that is the hardest part really. Okay, let me show you what I have here. Right? For the guts. Stick in half a butter. You are going to saute two cups of onions in that butter.

Right? For about 10-15 minutes. Then you're going to add the flour. How much flour do I have here? I have three there. This was three quarts of a cup of flour. I forgot to mention I blanched these, that means you put them in boiling water for two minutes just to soften them up a little. Can of peas, which I love. Can of peas, oh it derves. Yeah, 3 quarters of a cup of flour, 2 cups of onion, you'll add the cream in a little later. So let's saute the onions. Over here, five cups of chicken stock. Yes, if you have homemade, but I'm not baggy.

This is like collagen. Five cups though. And you threw a bullion thing in there too, actually. But you don't have to. So that's what you're going to make the roux with. So crank this up, get the butter in. Wonder why I got up to 229. Tell Gianna she could have this. I got meatballs. You brought meatballs and I made pulled pork yesterday.

It's 198 two days ago. I haven't, no, I'm two, two bells on the nose this morning. But I hadn't been under 200 pounds. I gotta be 30 years. Gotta be. Sure most of it's rock, but listen. Folks. I've got to be 30 years. Got to be. Sure, most of it's rock, but listen, folks. That's my favorite. This is when the house starts smelling killer. I get no fucking memory, dude. That's the show. The chef with Alzheimer's.

Fucking eight foot flames behind you. Where did he come up with? Where did I get that? What happened? I left the knives out in the lawn. Hold on. Take a look at your melted butter. That makes you hard. This is a, you know, this is a beautiful Contessa recipe, really.

If you've seen her, you can tell she eats well. She used to work for Nixon, you can tell she eats well. She used to work for Nixon, you know, like a hardcore Republican. Now she hangs out in West Hampton, she had a restaurant and shit, snooty. She told us, this is why I like her, one of those Make-A-Wish kids asked to meet her, twice she blew him. Ow! That's the story. Oh, she said she had a good reason, but oh my god.

I said I love this woman. She's an asshole just like me. It's not good. Yeah, that's all she said. She's like, for Christ's sake, I got a dinner with Kissinger tonight. What's the kid's got? What kind of date? He's got to what?

June? I'll see him then. What the fuck? So you're going to saute these for 10-15 minutes. Okay? Look at that. Can you see that? That's more butter than onions. But what's going to happen is you're going to add three quarters of a cup of flour. That makes the roux, right? Then you heat up your chicken stock add it a little at time and it thickens that's the roux you know Dallas knows he's a

southern boy they say when you bring a girl I think it's New Orleans they say when you bring a girl home to your parents they ask her two questions is she Catholic and can she make a roux I remember shit like that from cooking shows yeah you think I can remember the Pythagorean theorem when I needed it fucking Who should though Stats all blonde Right gets darker and then then this peanut butter color then it's chocolate Oh my god, it's like your sister's ass, not yours, the one

I, you know, folks. Okay, we'll be back in a second. It's about about, been about ten minutes with the onions. I believe this is next. I feel like I'm doing something very wrong. A little at a time, right? Work. Work it in. Work it in. Otherwise you get lumps, you know. I use a wooden spoon. Sometimes I use a whisk. It's already thickening up, which is fucking awesome. Otherwise, you're making chicken soup and you're throwing a crust over it.

Which don't get me wrong, I'm still eating it. Ooh, here we go. You want to do this over, you know, not too high a heat, but you're gonna have a little bit of action going on. And you want to cook this for a couple minutes so you get the flour taste out I think I told you that when I made beef stew or something else so that was three-quarters of a cup of flour Yeah baby, a few minutes, a couple minutes. Sticking it nicely. Oh Jesus. I'm serious, I'm giving this to you.

I can't. I get all this left over. Tell Gianna to mind you. So she's going with you on this trip? Yep. Really cool. All right. See how that's thickened up folks? Almost like a paste. You can throw the cord in there. Oh damn you Nick! You want this kind of hut.

Man, my head's up my ass. Let's take this off here before I burn it. Actually good. It's thickening even more. Now they tell you to add, I don't always add hut, but in this recipe goes the chicken stock should be hot when you put it in. Real quickly before I forget, I just happen to have boneless skinless chicken breasts, two pounds, it's like three big thick

breasts that I put in the oven at 350, 375. I rubbed it with olive oil, salt and pepper, 375 for 35 minutes and cut it into cubes. You can tear it up too, I do it both ways, you know what I mean? That's the chicken, but you can use, a lot of times I use a whole chicken and boil it, you know, like you're making whatever. Or you can take a chicken breast with skin, bone in, you know, cook those for 45 minutes. Just whatever you want to pull the meat off. Now I'm gonna add this. Hot chicken stock, You see that brother? This is the most important part. See how thick that is? It almost looks like potatoes right there. It does. You want just the right consistency. You know, you've had chicken pie before. Just picture it as I spill shit all over the... I'm sorry, I got the Hispanic maid coming in Tuesday too. Give me a blowjob and walk the dog. But you know

along with their three brothers of military age Three? Who wants to survive? You're not kidding. Wow! Three You're not kidding Wow smells like urine Delicious what am I making potatoes here? I hope this starts to thin out a bit You get the deal though trying not to do something dirty right now oh my god that's good you gotta look at that thickness that's really about perfect

but you know me I don't want to waste it. It's the guinea in me. Waste anything in my house as a kid, you get a concussion. Because that's how my father was raised. So why not pass on the beatens? You know, pass it on. I go, Dad, they're talking about love. And good things, not a backhanded. Nick DePaulo back again on the set of my new show, Nick the Prick Detective Show. For those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show.

Everyone else go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show and of course Stephen Crowder's show which is worth itself. It's such a good show and a whole lot more and while you're there click on the tour button to look at my upcoming dates August 9th I'll be the Jacksonville Center for the Performing Arts at the Terry Theatre that's August 9th on a Friday I believe I think the next night is Saturday the 10th I'll be at the gas South Theatre in Duluth Georgia really looking forward to this because I

haven't touched on those markets in a while and so I hope to see you out there and now back the final few minutes of Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen. Hi, good night everybody. ["Bitchin' Kitchen"] And make out a smile though I wear a frown And I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get in trouble like everybody else

Cause I'm not like everybody else See you singing, what are you? I'm not like everybody else