The Nick DiPaolo Show - Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen | Nick Di Paolo Show #1551

Episode Date: April 9, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo cooks Braciola in Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen Ep 8! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s ���Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Today, Brijol. You Italians probably know what it is unless you're fucking 14. And there are a lot of those. They're in my basement. They're female. Listen. You know Brijol. Take basically this skirt steak or flank steak, look how beautiful that is it's a very tough cut of steak but that doesn't matter you're going to pound it out flat and what you do is you pound it out and then you put whatever you want um i put pro bologna prosciutto actually a little bread stuffing you soak this in milk a bread stuffing parsley whatever you want to put in there the real traditional recipe has uh like toasted pine nuts and raisins in it i don't know if if it's um sicilian or italian i can't remember but anyways a lot of people use pine nut that's a

real traditional thing and i i don't care for the raisins with my meat yeah it's i keep out my dessert. Anyways, so flank or skirt steak. This is a skirt steak. I'm going to pound this out. And you layer all this stuff in and roll it up. Then tie it up like a hostage on the Gaza Strip. I'm going to make this political.

And then you brown it, right? You brown it in a pan. And then you drop it, right? You brown it in a pan, and then you drop it in your tomato sauce. On a Sunday, you know, you can let it sit in the sauce all day, or you can do it for an hour. You know what I mean? Which is probably going to be the case here. I'm busy.

I get cap class. I get a soul cycle. A soul cycle? Yeah, a soul cycle class. It's when you peddle with all the fags. And sell your soul? Yeah, a soul cycle class. It's when you pedal with all the fags. And sell your soul? Yeah, and sell your soul to the... Yeah, so let's get... Let's do it, I guess.

Oh, hard-boiled egg. Did I mention hard-boiled eggs? That's my favorite part. Hard-boiled eggs. You can... You put in here, too. Again, these are what a lot of people use and it's delicious the great late Patrice O'Neill is at the

comedy song one night it's like man I saw this fucking Italian lady make this rolled up meat fucking thing goddamn I almost fainted it looks so good I go honey guts Brazil yeah motherfucking you know he talks Italian too is that I go like Lydia Bastani he yes, that's her! So every time I make this, I think of my late great buddy and how much he freaked out over it. And I told him I was going to make it for him, I never did. You know, we don't like each other. Anyways.

Yeah, so you drop it in your sauce. I'll reek, oh Jesus, I forgot to have that on. Want to see olive oil burn? I'm gonna make a quick marinara, I think I've showed you this before, to add to sauce I already had. You need enough to submerge the whole thing, right? This might be way too hot, this pan, but. Come, Dallas, come put your ball sack in the pot second give it a test yeah my favorite

tool I can shovel I said I'll meet it right now you guys know how to do this right like a quick man hour one can of mayo. What I'm going to do is make that, right? I didn't have quite enough sauce. So I'm going to make another sauce. 35 ounce can. Dump it in there so it's deep enough to submerge the bejewel. That's all.

And these, I've got a hard-boiled egg trick for you. Boil the water. When it comes to a boil, put the eggs and shut it off and put the lid on. And let it sit for whatever, 15, 20 minutes. I forget why I do that. They peel much easier, supposedly. And they do, you know how eggs, the yolk looks kind of olive green sometimes?

Kind of a dark... And they get bright yellow. Like they're supposed to. I don't know, it works for me that's enough what do i do my garlic can't tell if i've worked out that's three and a half cups of coffee and i'm still jumping around this is garlic what Three or four cloves, right? Onion saute, what, five minutes in the garlic?

You have the garlic for another minute or whatever the fuck. You never want to burn your garlic down because it gets bitter and it'll ruin the whole dish. Who told me that? Don Provolone. He was the... Italian porn star. No, Italian porn star. And a capo, by the way, in Brooklyn.

Quite a guy. Multitasking. Don Provolone. He was the Italian porn star. No, he was a town porn star. And a capo, by the way, in Brooklyn. Quite a guy. Multitasking. Don't throw him along. Can you imagine an Italian porn star? Hey, Joey Solano. Anyways, get a little color on that garlic.

I grabbed a 35-ounce can of Pomodoro peeled. And you can crush it up before you put it in. Well, you can do it wrong like I do. I hope you burn yourself. Which I do. I know it is, since I haven't splattered all over me. But I do this. Again, this is wrong, but sometimes you get it right in the face. I break up the tomatoes.

You want some chunks. But this is a quick marinara, and I'm sure you guys, I know you Italians have done this a million times. So easy. And again, I'm just doing this so I'll't have enough tomato sauce to put the berjol. Get that crank. And again, I don't salt it to the end. We've had that discussion.

Sound like a father talking to his whore daughter. We've had that discussion. We've had that discussion. Put your pants on, you'll eat the whole. Dry Italian seasoning. That's oregano, basil, all that other shit. They go heavy on it. I like it.

And again, it's marinara. You don't have to cook the shit out of it. You can cook it for 25 minutes if you want. Back in the day, everybody thought you had to cook whatever sauce it was for forever. Which is not the truth anymore so the new web chefs will tell you but on a sunday you got nothing to do let it sit there every three four hours i mean it ages like you know i'm gonna say something dirty so that's that let's go over over. Well, that's cooking.

Let's try to do it like a real cooking show. Well, that's simmering. Go over here. This almost looks like it's pounded out enough. But it's not. Try to do it on this cutting board. No. Well.

So you don't put this under your cutting board. So you put this under your cutting board. I learned this when I was doing 8 to 10 up in Lewisburg. 8 to 10. 8 to 10 minutes, I mean. I'm a comic, not years. Take this out. You know, you put plastic over it so you don't destroy the fucking meat completely, right? You're correct, sir.

Every fucking time, you have one condom left. Every motherfucking... Not a big deal, man. Shut up. I'll tell you whether it's a big deal or not. I'm just gonna leave it like that where's my hammer that I used to use hammer but it really came out like a candidate I need a hammer I'm making brujola a man goes to a party. Here it is. Great for cooking or killing the fucking porch pirates. Either way, nice. Let's see what happens. You kind of want to start in the middle and work out, right?

I'm not going to do the beat you meet, Joe. Too easy. I find that offensive. I mean, I love doing it. I find it very offensive. And so do the people down at the supermarket. Hey, there's one from the 80s. See what I'm doing here?

You know this is going to fall apart and we're going to go, let's mix it up. Now to work from the middle out. I'm going to make this nice and wide. Again, either flank or skirt. I think skirt's better. If you know another fun tip about meat, wherever it is on the cow, the muscle on the cow, the muscle that they use more is the more flavorful meat.

It'll be tougher, more flavor. Who else knows that? That's why the filet is the most tender. There's no weight on it, you know? I'm entertaining and educating. I'm trying to get it a little wider. Charlie M., you motherfucker! You gonna let me pluck your eye out for Charlie M.? So this not only does it make it easier to work with because it widens the meat a little

and also this is a tough cut of meat it's meant to sit in a sauce for a while you know i mean so if you're going to make a brajol put it in your sauce you're going to want to leave it there for a while the best thing is to smoke and slow cook and all that stuff yeah the cut oh yes yeah absolutely i used to sell meat door-to-door on my first job steak and seafood and i mean nice stuff just ridiculously marked up and i was working for crook but i didn't learn you know i learned that i learned that when a husband comes home and doesn't know there's a salesman in the house pitching fucking shit to a fucking kind of good looking well you better get the fuck out of the house quickly and i did i was 22. i could get into anybody any woman answer the

door i'm in i can't tell you how many times the husband what the fuck is that i go oh I can't tell you how many times a husband can... What the fuck is that? I go, whoa! Relax. I'm just telling Betty here. Relax. Showing her my meat. What?

Get out of the way. And I always think of those people that I sold meat to with the thousands who see me on TV. Go, that motherfucker's a... I knew he was an asshole. He's the guy that sold us the fucking hamburgers and after he left we figured out it was $28 a pound good enough does that look different than it did? Yes.

Ooh. I forget. That membrane's on there. Yeah, it'll cook right now. Yep. All the people. It will. Here's that marinara, which is basically another two and a half cups of tomato sauce that I

needed. These have been sitting here forever actually. Didn't I take out of Diet Mountain the favorite drink of fucking, you know, good athletes. Nice little smoke. Good athletes. Why can't they save it on TV? In the meat locker with Rocky Balboa. So poor.

Good enough. What the fuck am I doing here? On the Food Network. It's called pain. I'll put this in here, pretend it doesn't stink. Forget about it and then show up two days later and it's rotten meat inside. Exactly.

Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick-a-shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. This is my, uh, you know, it's not about the peeling it does actually look easier like i said when you cut it in half it's nice and yellow the yolk i don't know why

it doesn't matter that's one keep track of these way to tell us i've had a lot of trouble cognitive um anyways you get the idea folks i didn't really have to show you this but that looks like board proves the point proves the point that yeah proves the point not using egg beaters my granny's brazil well i think i'm going to try the uh the method because peeling can be laborious does this look easier to you a hell of a lot easier it's coming off easier right oh yeah it comes off in big chunks and the membrane and the membrane is that the name of a rock band insane in the membrane dallas said that sauce on the thing it might be sauce might be a good night last night what am i saying my wife's 55 if i get that joke

Might be a good night last night. What am I saying? My wife's 55. Forget that joke. I made it, what, six? Probably won't use them all. But I'm like an old Jewish fowl. I love my egg salad.

Remember Carmine and Sopranos? Too much gherkins. That strokes out. What's grosser than having an egg-sized mouth when somebody has to give your mouth to them? Let's see if you're an old guy. Delicious. Look at this. This is my nuts. This is my nuts on drugs yellow it is oh saving that for later i'll get that later i won't even tell anybody about that like

at midnight i'll tell my mother i'm starving myself i'm trying to come out come into the kitchen you're on your knees yeah all right let's fucking get down to it again I haven't done this in a long time so good sucks don't blame me I know you do this hit this a little bit of olive oil. I'm not sure why. I'm supposed to have a towel like a real chef. God, that's pissing me off. Salt, pepper. I use this. I know. it's got everything dry garlic onion powder holy shit I like it but I like this stuff it works and tastes actually taste decent ladies and gentlemen boys and girls. Just say when. Doesn't this look like the breastplate?

If you're putting pepper on it, it's going to be a while before I say when, because I love pepper on meat. Yeah, pepper and meat. That was a band, a black band. Pepper and meat. Actually, that was Tina Turner and Ike Turner's original pepper and meat. Look at it. Is that? You like meat. Look at that. Is that...

You like me. I like that, too. So, what I did there... And I think we go to the pro below next. Sometimes the shit leaks out when you tie it up. I am going to roll this, obviously, this way. It's almost going to look like a little roast. What the hell?

It's the Olympics. I do this, too. I like to... I love this too. I like to... I love my cheese. You understand? My goal is to be dead in seven years. I don't have to cover it all, but I do. Why not? I don't know.

You never go wrong with too much cheese i don't think so you're talking to a guy again if i look at cheese i do a trumpet solo out of my ass there you go i know ladies and gentlemen i forgot i really wish i did swiss chard or some greens because that's so good in there, too. I didn't make the goddamn stuffing yet. Shit, that should have been birthed. I can still do it, can't I? Yeah.

Like I said, I like a little, it's like a bread stuffing in there. Um, like I said, I like a little, it's like a bread stuffing in there. And I don't usually do this, but I didn't have three-day-old bread laying around. Which they tell you to use, you know. So I'm throwing croutons in here. They're already seasoned. This is one of my favorite parts of the stuff. And the first few times I made it, I didn't do this.

Swish. And a follow! I'll bring this to the wife, go, this is cereal, try it. It's delicious. Thank you. Count chocula and I'll sort this for however till I get soft and shit makes the stuffing doesn't matter I can put the stuffing on this on this I would have liked to have laid it down first. You think it matters? Yeah. Fuck it. I got to pick this up.

I'm getting in on my own bit. What's going on over there? Wonder if it's an earthquake. How about that? I know. Right? Northeast? You can't tell me the world's not. How about that? I know. Right? Northeast? I can't tell you the world's not coming to an end. I know. Well, when I heard about it, it was felt in what? How many states? Several.

Turns out Lizzo fell off the stage in Detroit. The epicenter. That was the epicenter. Lizzo concert. Then she went home to lay down aftershocks. Again, I'm experimenting here. I might throw this in a pool processor. So these soak for about five minutes. Let's pretend. So these soak for about five minutes, let's pretend. If this doesn't come out good, what I do is put glass in it and I put it in the dog's head. Next door's got a yappy dog, I'm gonna put it on a plate. Oh come on, you don't want that? If anybody would do that, it would be our dog.

Fucking things of no use. A ninja. You know who I got all these? My late great buddy Greg Zook. His brother died a few years earlier. Had like 19 of these in the cellar. Who knows what he was doing? In the cellar.

He was a steak cop. Great guy too. Great athlete. Yeah. Like I said. Ooh, it's actually perfect. That was fast. I'll give it one.

No, no, these things. You want to fucking scare somebody? That is perfect. It is, right? It's got a little texture to it I just wanted this a couple big pieces of it but uh I don't know if it's enough I think it is though very good I enjoy you the more you cook the better you get an iron ship come on perfect perfect oh these were seasoned Come on. Perfect. Perfecto. These were seasoned, you know what, croutons. Your midnight snack.

I know. Dude, that's why. How did I put on weight that death? And she goes, garlic crouton? Get a load of this. Hi, it's their tarty chef. Stephen Hawking, next for show. Jesus Christ.

I'm losing it. What do you think next? Del, it's the stuffing I see, huh? Yeah, let's do it. Look at that. It's just moist enough. This is not the tool for it. That's kind of what she said. Look at that. It's just moist enough. This is not the tool for it. That's kind of what she said.

Oh, God. Or whatever he said. That's what Kevin said. It's just moist enough. Yeah, it's just moist. What a show. X-rated bourgeois. You're a greasy guinea host.

Why do I get a fan when I roll this up up It's going to be the size of a fucking turkey On Thanksgiving No complaints No, not until I'm cooking it Until January 2027 This made a nice stock I've got to tell you I'm proud of myself

On that one Nobody taught me that I just said try this. And it's great. Now, like I said, you can have Swiss chard spinach laid on top of that. I'm a huge fan of, you know what,

hard boiled eggs. So that's the reason I make this dish. Is that going on next? I'm trying to stay away from the borders, do you notice? So when I roll it up, it doesn't squirt out about the ends. It's kind of anyways. But try to stay away from the borders as much as you can.

Look at that. Just enough for my, right? It's perfect, Jim. That's spatial skills. I always brag about my spatial skill. Texture is perfect. Alright. This is fun. Okay?

This is how I relax. Really? By making racist cooking videos? Yes. It's my Zen. It's my Zen. That's just Zen being an angry friend. It's my zen. It's my zen. That's just zen being an angry show. It's my zen. Nick, I think you're missing a point of zen.

Yeah, I have a point. All right. God, I hope I can roll this thing. It'd take two days to cook, but we edit and shit. You'll have three minutes. All right. Boil your legs, no? No?

Now we have to make egg salad with parsley in it, which is fine. The leftovers, I mean. Yeah. They're good. Dallas, doesn't this look good? It does. Again, probably peasant food. Sometimes that's the best.

Well, it is the best. All the Italian restaurants that you pay top dollar for, you're eating shit that was for poor people. Yep. If you read your history, no doubt. I mean, oxtail bolognese. Right.

What we consider delicacies was, you know what? Cut the fucking tail off. We're hungry. That's right. Those balls? Yep, those look good. Exactly. Better than my husband's.

Hi. Good night, everybody. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well

I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else