The Nick DiPaolo Show - Nick's B!tchin' Kitchen | The Nick DiPaolo Show #1944

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

In today's episode Nick takes us back to Italy with a delicious casserole.  WATCH THE FULL SHOW LIVE & FREE at 6pm ET only on Rumble! https://rumble.com/thenickdipaoloshow/ TOUR DATES, SOCIALS, PERSONAL VIDEOS, STREAM ALL MY COMEDY SPECIALS! https://www.nickdip.com/ MERCH - GRAB A MUG, TSHIRT, HOODIE, STICKERS AND MORE! https://shop.nickdip.com/

Today on drinking and playing with knives. It's another episode. Haven't done it in a while, Nick's Pitchin Kitchen. Today, this recipe is all over the internet. I mean, you can find 50 versions of it, but only two of them use eggplant in it, and they already made it. It was killer.

So not the most original thing, but unbelievably delicious. Is that my husband? No, it's not. It's baked pasta with ground beef and a bechamel sauce. Know what I'm saying? Can't see my dick's hard already. There you go. Two fags cooking.

That's the new show. Everything has cream in it. Bring it in. Bring it over. You already know what I'm making. This is called, what do they call them? They shoot out of sequence. We're getting fancy here.

Let me explain what I got here. I graded a medium-sized egg plant. I got a whole onion. I might use half. I might use whole. Grated one carrot. pound of ground beef. Get the fatty kind if you can.

A couple tablespoons of pure, you know, tomato paste. Over here, the key to making a bechamel, which is just a rue. It's, it calls, and the thing it calls for five tablespoons of butter and four tablespoons of flour. I wanted more bechamel,

so I went seven tablespoons of butter and six tablespoons. of flour because I like a bechameli. You know I'm saying? Now there's your basic ingredients, about two and a half cups of milk to make the roux and what you do is you brown the meat first, then you throw the onions in, do it that order too because if you throw the onions in first, it releases water, then you do steam in your meat. You ever steam your meat? I did it once in high school. Ouch! Anyways, so yeah, You brown it, then throw your onions in, you know, saute it before.

On TV, they say fry in Europe. You're not frying it. You're sauteing it. Have some class. The fucking French. So, yeah, so then you start to throw the onions in, cook it for a few minutes. Throw the carrots in. Cook it for a few minutes.

That gives it a nice base, as they say. And then, lastly, your eggplant. And cook all that, I don't know, 10, 15 minutes. Then you add the tomato paste. And there's your meat thing. Then you make your be bechamel. When you're doing that, I should be cooking pasta already. Your pasta should be boiling, a pound of rigatoni or whatever, whatever you want to use.

And then you just layer it, right? You put some bechamel sauce on the bottom. I'll show you all this of a casserole dish. And then you add a layer of pasta, then the layer of meat, then another layer of bechamel, and then you just repeat that and top it with... or whatever you want. Bake it in the oven, 350 for about 25 minutes. It's really hardy. It's for the people who don't give a shit about clogged pipes and stuff like that. You know what I'm saying? Live life. We're gonna be gone soon. All right, that's that. That's your life lesson.

You guys know how to chop onions, right? Sure you don't. I like to do this till I bleed. Then they go like that. Get that out of it. Right. Let's start. I use this sucker. You got a big, this thing is the MVP of the kitchen. Okay, it's a walk, but it's more than a walk. It's a slight jog. Hey! Yeah. I use this one because it's a lot of ingredients, you know what I'm saying? I was going to use the cast iron skillet, but you don't want to crowd the pants. Or me. So crank this side.

sucker. Let me get the water going, so we don't have to wait for that. Yeah, I only paid, I don't know, 10 grand for this fucking oven. You think the Germans would get it right in oven? What is it? Oh, it's a Viking. I'm sorry. Blame it on? Yeah, the Nordics. Stick to snow. Get that sucker cranking while you're doing everything else. This is cranking. You don't need much oil, because the meat got more grease on it than Lisa. I got that old girlfriend of my. Just a squirt of oil in that sucker.

Here's your pound of ground beef. Probably ain't hot enough, but I'm gonna hurry. See how quick that gets hot? You can do it in batches if you want, but I'm not gonna do that because I'm giving this to my dog when we're done. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

I'm going to do the homeless guy up the street at the intersection. I'm going to give him the whole cassero. Only I'm not going to hand it to him. I'm going to throw it out of him. Why so mean? Ask my father. Don't you love that smell? I'm talking about this.

All right? Let's hit that with a little kosher salt, black thunk and pamphers. Actually a little adobe because this has garlic powder and onion powder and all that shat in it. Italian seasoning. Look it. Got a shot of that? Come in and get a close up just so it looks like a... I know it looks like an open wound right now or a raspberry when you fall off your motorcycle.

But a road rash, as they say. See how it releases a lot of grease? Sometimes I drain it. You don't need all that. But sometimes I don't. Sometimes people I'm feeding, I want it. What? You didn't say.

Aye. There's the meat's pretty much brown. I got a shovel. Another one of my favorite, really not ideal what I'm doing here, but I bought the shovel. I just chopped out. I used a half of a huge onion. I think that's enough, frankly. Pieces are kind of big, but it doesn't really know.

Again, you're going to do this for another five minutes. You start seeing translucent onion like it. I love frigging one dish, casserole-type meals. Onions are close enough. Carrots. This is an actual carrot. A hole. I didn't buy it shredded.

I shredded it. You know why? Because it makes no difference. Make you feel like they work. See, this is a very Italian thing with the carrots and the onions. It's a base for everything. They love the, the idea being the carrots, the sugar, natural sugars. I guess it does that.

I don't know. Huh? Yeah, bolognese always starts with carrots and I think celery too, an onion. Gives it a base, which it does. Otherwise, it's just meat and tomato, you know. onions are the key though don't put too many onions I don't I don't put too many onions

I put I use two onions two onions I use Good fellas, anybody when they're in the can So what's going on in the world? Oh I don't know Iran keeps threatening I'm baffled

I mean Trump promised that this thing would you know But this weekend he said We're going to make the Cormo Street a part of the U.S. territories. So what was the Iranians answer? He better worry about his own.

They threaten his life again. He better worry about his own security and not have to hide out in a catering truck again. What do they get fucking MSNBC? How do they know that already? I know. This guy's got a lot of balls. Talking shit.

Oh, I got a clip on the show we're going to show tomorrow or whenever. Trump's saying that. He goes, all their leadership's dead. I get nobody negotiate with. And he's not even trying to be funny. That's why he's one of my favorites. It's not my favorite. All right.

That's that. Finally, and I think this is what separates it. Like I said, only a few recipes did this. because there's 100 versions of this, but this, to me, especially, I mean, eggplant has its own taste, you know. It sure is ugly. Looks like rat droppings with onion seeds. What? Hmm, count me in.

Hey, I better turn the fucking bow. This thing is holding the heat beautifully. As a matter of fact, I'm going to add lib here a little bit. I'm calling an audible, just a touch. As I say, loosen it up. You know, like a girl in a bar. All right? That way, I'll scrape a little of the, you know what, from the bottom.

Yeah. They call that fawn in France. You can see that, right? How flavorful that's going to be. A little more adobe. A little more black pepper. I would say you cook this another five, eight minutes. The water's just starting to boil.

I'm bad at time and shit. That's with the real chefs. Now how to do. Serving a hundred people. Do you want that with your entree? Now, I wanted it yesterday. I'm fucking starving. What, you got a sick kid cooking? I don't know. I just eye it. It doesn't really matter, folks.

It does give it a nice little tomato base, which it needs. Some people probably put tomato sauce at this point, too, if you want. This is more concentrated. Everything I make has a tomato sauce, so I just want to change it up. I put in about out, I don't know, I'd say four tablespoons. Half a can plus a little. Not that important, really. You want to do this until it turns, everything's going to turn kind of a rust color.

Look at that. See that? Tell me that don't look good. Nick, that don't look good. Take it easy. Red Sox. Lost six out of seven, but they won you. Will you?

Abrae you. He's got 22 homeruns. He's a gold glove. I've watched him throw three people out in the last week and a half from right field. And he's got, since I'll stop break 10 homas for a total of 22. That guy could be a future, I don't know. Trunk? No.

What a... No. They do that. I'm fucking... I'll stop back on the flag footballie. All right. I'm going to drop the pasta as they say in as they don't see at the olive garden. Why do they package everything like it's plutonium? Jesus. It's pasta, not yellow cake.

Here's another thing. Italians laugh at Americans, we don't salt our water enough when we make pasta. They said, it's supposed to taste like the ocean. They always have some type of crazy argument. This, as you know, about eight, nine minutes. Because it's going to cook a little, right? when it's in the casserole. So El Dente, as they say, not El Dante, the poet who wrote, his most famous poem was, actually he was a philosopher too. Most famous saying was,

he who smelted, dealt it. Sounds much nicer in Italian. Come on, cook. All right, that's boiling. We'll be right back after this commercial from tampons. Hey, folks, November 5th, I'll be the punchline taking a big shit on stage, Atlanta, Georgia. And then the next night, I'll take a runny dump at the Rivers Casino in Philly. And then I'll close it out by kicking it into the audience and sold Joles. November 7th in Potsdam, Pennsylvania. Go to nickdip.com if you want your mother's tits before they're sold out. And go to the merchandise page as my lovely wife worked on it very hard.

that's nickdip.com and if you buy merch it supports this show and by the way this show is doing good numbers even though like even the shows that have been up for a week or so

are doing way better than like anyways hey Tom you got new any advertisers that's the last thing you said to me anyways I also want to send a personalized video to someone I'll say what you're thinking

so you don't have to you can book that at shoutout.us it's very first. easy you read it and it'll tell you how to do it. Now my favorite part making a bas-o-melt was just a rule with added milk. You got to learn how to make a rule and it's really easy. It's just a type of fat and flour. Usually equal parts, not in this case a little more, but, and just helped it together. Cook it for like two minutes so you get the flour taste out of it and then you slowly add your milk and

whisk it and it will thicken up beautifully. And it's the key when you make gumbos and you get it when you cook cage and that's the first question. They're like, you know how to make a rule? But it's in all cooking. It makes everything better. It is. And it's got a nice taste to it, but special mel does. The milk gets like really sweet.

All right, here we go. Thank you. Two, five, seven. Again, calls for five and four, but I'm going seven and six. I thought it was a little thin last time. I want to melt that. I like a smaller whisk. I guess I don't.

This is just fine, like I said. Here's your melted butter if you don't believe me. Look! I got it like on medium height. Then you want to turn it down a little. You want to burn it. I should make a lot. Over two cups of milk.

Make sure it's all. Now, a little bit of time. This is just regular flour. If you do it a little at a time, you don't get lumps. Can you see? Oh, there you go. That's the shot I'm looking for. From the Goodyear Blimp, what I'm talking about?

Can you guys see that? It turns into this thick paste and you're like, what the hell are you going to do with that? Oh, all kinds of shit. Yeah, that's a lot of roo. Isn't that a saying in a commercial? That's a lot of rue. That's a lot of rue. Yeah.

Talking about Subaru. I'm going to say it again. I was the first one to connect Subaru to lesbians. Way before anybody was doing it. Now everybody's saying it. I document my shit. I'll show you my computer. Like I said, cook this for a few minutes.

Like two and a half. Just to get that flour taste out. All right? Here we go. Milk. I get it on low. Look how thick. Where do you got a sauce going here?

All over the stove. It's on really low. I know it looks loose, but it thickens up. It's because I... You know, honey, that looks loose. Well, I was out with the Ravens this weekend. Are you seeing Terrell with sogs again? Yeah, what you're gonna do about it?

Look at that. See that? Thickening up. Pasta's boiling away over there. A little more milk. Drink the heat a little more. You want it so it like coats the back of the spoon or maybe a little thicker than them. Come on. And you have to bring it to a boil.

Look at me. My fucking plain hoops. Add a little head salt. The kids love it. Bring it to a boil to make it... It's... Emily used to say it's full thickening power. That's what he said.

Oh! Come on. This is a show for degenerates. Oh, that's right. By the way, I'm roasting my right hand. You guys can't feel it. That's why I should be using a big whisk. Fucking hands.

Medium. If you stuck a thermometer, meat into my palm, it'd be about 170 right. Look at that, Dallas. Come on. Look at that. What I do, I just took this out to see if it's done. It's been about eight. Throw it against a...

I'll throw it against a cabinet, see if it sticks. This is. This one's still squirming. Get back in the pot. It's a little, a little, a little, for me, a little too el dente. But like I said, it's in a casserole, so it'll probably soften up anyways. I'll give it another minute. Look at that.

Do you see that? Look at that. That is like melted cheese, right? And it's nice and sweet. Everybody adds sweet paprika. I don't like it. It turns things red. every cook on TV well Europeans are big on that and when you're making a cook and show

Europeans I don't need to know that fucking you know the skin of an eggplant cures ass cancer just just cook the shit shut your app yeah there you go you know Timmy's mother forced him to eat raw eggplant for two weeks he still died they give you all the nutrition for every fucking celery onion that does this, that. Oh really? Time to eat with fake teeth. My back teeth say it's done. Fronton. This type of pasta, rigatone and stuff is, you notice it takes a little longer than my hon. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger. All right, I'll rinse it. Just took a shower two minutes. To these, and I buried a hook of behind the house, don't tell Andy.

I got him, where did I get them Walmart at 3 in the morning where all the stereo killers go for their shopping needs. If you have kids, it's good to get them involved in this part. Mama! Hey, I'm let it a bit of it. All right. What am I doing with this? Any idea? I really don't even know right now.

Excuse me. I'll put it back in here for a second. All right. I think it's time to assemble. I'm not sure. Maybe shut that, huh? Let me give this a little heat to loosen it up. See this, I greased it already.

That's what she said. That's what she, what? What? You put a head on it? Oh, shit. That's an Italian slur. Hey, which one of these is hot? Watch this thing break.

Come on, get loose. You know what? Hug it. Play with me. See, if you were making Mac and cheese, folks, this is where you throw your cheese in. A Bachelo sauce is called a mother. sauce it's a white sauce that you can do a million things to if it's over 16 I yeah what

all right let's assemble shall we pasta is probably sticking together as I speak let's pull my tooth out ah this is greased right can you see that just a light coating of the bache see that that consistency is fucking perfect all right pasta what do we use for this trying to make a just a single layer type of deal

pretty easy right all right meat meat right next right I think yeah fuck it all of a sudden it's on Dallas ground beef and pasta

it's like the captain and Teneal what people at home and who the fuck is that it's like Martin in Lewis. It's like Ricky and Lucy. Cookies and milk. Nipple clamps and horse. Oh, did anybody see that fly out of my mouth? Something just landed in there for a ground rue double. I just felt something. Oh, now who's going to get a moaned? Welcome to the pun fest. Bill Hicks had a

pun. And he goes, get off your fucking pun high horses. That was great. Yeah, you don't want any pasta are shown apparently they said. Can you guys see that? It's almost all covered. It's all right about a little it's showing. Okay? More basher meal. Look at that.

I know, right? How the fuck is that going to be bad? I salted the groove, by the way, I threw. I didn't put too much. Two onions I put, Polly. You know what? I got a better tool for this. They call it an offset spatula.

Jesus, I'll probably grow some people out. Spatula? I know, you're in here. I just used you this weekend. That's an offset, you know, you decorate cakes with it if you're gay or French. This looks like diarrhea waiting to happen, isn't it? Spray paint that bowl. Imagine you say that, you got a cooking show on national TV.

People are pukin. Midnight, how about 4 a.m.? Just only people seeing it would be a little. Only people seeing it will be crackheads and alcoholics. See that? More over here. This is the tools. All right.

I was thinking about right here, do you put cheese? Because they don't. Ass. He goes, that's a yes. No, I'm not going to. You could, I guess, but they don't. On TV. Okay, this shit's sticking together.

I can know what it was going to. Come on. My bad. Yeah, sometimes. I've seen a few chefs said it's bullshit. But I know, you guys are different, apparently. Well, excuse me, I don't have the kind of money, okay? I don't have producer money. Thank God. Exactly. You know I'm right here, don't you? Boy, this shit is sticky than your sister's, you know what? Tappy truck. I think a little sweat into it is giving it.

at a little bit of a tang that most people would be revolted by. I'm on sticking them with my finger. Don't worry, folks. I wash my hands on Wednesday. I think this is the last layer. Jesus, I hope so. I'm out of pasta. And yes, I will put oil in there next time.

I'm 193 this morning. I don't like it. It's a little heavy for me. I swear to God, I looked at my... At some reason my phone keeps track of my... I'm not asking it to. I said I burnt 40 calories last week. week like each day. In other words, you burn the level you burn just by being alive.

But then you're supposed to burn some more or you're going to put it away. 40 calories. You understand that? That's going to the bathroom and sitting down. All right. It's as level as I can get it. Oh, I'm sorry. A couple more Jews in the room. What? You can't say that on that. Well, it's not natural. I'm going to eat this a little more. This burning sucks donkey dick, I'll tell you. Oh, what am I doing? doing that's next wow my producer didn't pick up on it either Dells did I just

nod my yeah it does I smell emmy you who smells emmy folks get that loose okay next layer your cholesterol's 1100 over 666 what have you been doing Nick's bitch in kitchen man I ain't making fagg loose I could have made more meat I guess sure on the knee but inside my grandpa's a moderation isn't that's great I mean I don't know I haven't tasted it asshole I'm gonna yeah

I'm gonna put the oven on which I should have done 350 I'm for the Michael J. Fox show I don't know when I say that it seems like a good guy I think he'd laugh he laughs he lasts one came nearly friend of his

where's that offset who got's this is make anybody thank you You. People at home are yelling. Right in front of you, dickhead. Okay, don't be rough. All right, kids. Where did I set the office? That's left. You find it?

A bunch of 10-year-olds yell at once. Up your ass! Here we go. Final layer. Final frontier. Brow to myself. Thing weighs, I think it's a 71 pounds that came in at. That it? For the best, it's on the ceiling. It's on Dallas's head. All right. Yes. Yes.

You might want to edit all that, some of that. Okay. Final thing. I got muts. I got more muts. But they put, you know, you put whatever you want on it. This is, um, four, it just happened to be in there. I wouldn't have bought it.

We're using it for tacos or something. Four cheese. Mexican. What do you think, though? It's got, look, it's got Monterey Jack in it, a little bit of cheddar. I don't know what accedero is, do you? And then queso, cassidia. That's a yes. We all speak that. Right? So what I'm going to do, just so we get a little even distribution. Oh yeah, that's old. I mean, that's good. Muts. Mix the two together. get a little more my only question is I saw some lady cover hers but then a bunch of them didn't they just put in like this anybody thoughts in the audience no I mean with

tent foil when I'm cooking it some like I said some of them did some of most of them didn't though so I don't know yeah it's not gonna burn my spatial abilities are right on man come on with that I just eyed it No Dallas get your mind out of the gutter wait a minute a little more gotta be a little greedy oh that's possible

little more muts exactly a dietary dish all right there she blows he's obsessed to achieve it's America that's what we do we didn't live without melted cheese that's the purpose in life

all right excuse me 3.50. Are you kidding me? Did I give it one more minute. Finally reached temperature. I don't know. It was a little slow today, the oven.

Never had a problem with that? Because I was bad mounting it. All right. It's at 350 preheated. I'm burning my fingers off right now. In there. The middle of your oven. It says 20 to 25 minutes.

We'll check on it. Some people cover it with tinfoil. I don't like doing that because sometimes it sticks to the tinfoil. I think those people are... Bidges. It's been 25 minutes. Hello. Let me do jazz.

I'm Tim Walts in high school. 25 minutes at 350. Oh, you kidding. This looks like a TV show. What? That looks so good. I'm going to sit on a bear ass. You heard me.

Look at it. You can hear it. I can hear the heart disease rumbling. Up? Listen to that heart as he's bubbling. It's like listening to Dick Chaney's heart. You're still alive. Oh my god, that is sizzling.

That is sizzling. Look at that. Look at the crispier on the edge. Nice. You got to let it sit like anything else. It's a casserole. Let it rest like, I know, I'd say 10, 15 minutes. Everybody says that about everything.

Now, I watch a guy make a ham sandwich. Let it rest. Get the fuck up. rest but with something like this you cut it it all bleeds up with cheese and the pubic hair all right I have to take out the teeth to eat not all of them I'm not that old there's a cup like I got knocked out early in life that had a real temper hey here we go oh my god look at that come on I just had breakfast so I only have this much look at that cheese

It's almost like a commercial when they use fake cheese. It stretches across your house. You don't want you to believe that? There you go, folks. See that? It's a scab for my knee. Best show ever. All right, you ready, Dallas?

To taste? I don't know how I have to taste, I guess. You're holding the camera. I'm not just kidding, folks. What is better than ground beef and melted cheese? It's a half a taco with Christenik without this show. Oh my god, it's so good. It doesn't really have a name, like I said.

I'm sure Italians have a nine-word name for it. But it's baked pasta with ground beef and bechamel. And that's what I can taste. It can taste that creamy bechamel. Yep, it's that creamy bechamel. And pasta's perfect. It's because I put in a little al dente, as they say, and it's perfect.

Well, there you have it. That's it for this episode of Britson Kitchen. Mom made some something like that. How about some Japs, bomb us in Pearl Harbor? Check that out. It was the wrong way. All right, Bella. Hi, man. See you tomorrow. Good job.

Yeah. Hi. Good night, everybody.