The Nick DiPaolo Show - No To Roe | Nick Di Paolo Show #1230

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

Anitfa watch. West Coast Stupid. Rocky Mountain Stupid. More from Laundrie's journal. Tulsi talks 2nd ammnd. Porno to 11 year olds in school. Sea lion gots the munchies.

Hey, thank you guys for watching. I had a smile on my face all weekend long because we finally got some wins on Thursday and Friday. We isn't the right. And we're going to have more wins. We just have to keep standing our ground and sharing our views. And that's what this show is about, an uncensored place to share my views and stand my ground. I want to thank you for making it possible through your financial contributions. To keep it going, please make a contribution to the show today by going to nickdipp.com and clicking on the red banner at the top. I really appreciate it, guys. guitar solo Hey, oh yeah, how are you folks? Welcome on a Monday morning. Before I forget, real quick, no show Thursday because I have to fly to Boston, excuse me, to New York for the premiere of the movie, Fourth of July, that Joe List

stars in, Louis and Joe wrote, and that I'm in, where I play a very kind of drunk, mean uncle. And I get a tooth knocked out in the middle of the movie. It's great. And then my family's coming to see it in Boston the next night. Wait till mother sees how I'm portrayed. She'll be like, yeah, that's actor a portrayal yeah it makes sense she'll go up to Louie and go that wasn't even that you're a little off he's a little more

cantankerous than that kind of mister so yeah I gotta go up there on Thursday catch a flight out of here real quick quick, sports update. Sox won seven in a row. Have the best record in baseball since early May. Yankees still plowing ahead, but we're in second place now. We went from 10-19 to whatever. They're 11 games over 500. Very proud. They have the best pitching this year.

They're like second in ERA in all of baseball. It's fucking crazy. And congratulations, Colorado Avalanche, for winning the Stanley Cup. year they're like sucking an era in all baseball am i it's crazy and uh congratulations colorado avalanche for winning the stanley cup first time in i don't know what they say 21 years for them or something like that um yeah at tampa bay and tampa bay have nothing to hang their heads about they had won the two previous cups and made it to the finals this year and came that close. Four games to two. And Colorado, it's one of those series where you go, whoever wins deserves to be the, you know what I mean? Those are the two best teams in hockey is what I'm trying to say, I think. And I'm still trying to convince some of you people out there who still watch the NBA and

go, oh, LeBron had a triple-double. Who gives a fuck? Go to China, you prick. These guys are fucking angry white drunks. They think it means something, and they play like... Oh, come on, Nick. What the hell else? What did I do? Nothing. I'm one of those guys with a guitar

that's going to know the first 40 notes to 105 songs. Anyways. that's going to know the first 40 notes to 105 songs. Anyways, ate, worked out, drank, fell asleep. I'm old. Good night, everybody. Let's get right to it. Big deals over the weekend, as you know. Roe versus Wade, since you and I talked last, was flipped on its ass. Again, let me give you my opinion on this. I really don't have a dog in the fight. But, you know, I read 63 million abortions since Roe v. Wade. Then I heard another lady say that's a year since Roe v. Wade. So I don't think so. I think it's since Roe v. Wade. You couldn't do 63 million. Somebody, yeah, put that out wrong.

So that's a little much. And aborting babies that survive abortions, that's kind of dirty. Pool. And nine months old. What's the cutoff age? These kids going to be looking over their shoulders at the senior prom? Hey, I just saw a guy in scrubs chase Diane into the ladies with a coat hanger. What kind of dance is this, Phil? I'm just saying. When I was young, I got a few girls pregnant, and I was happy that there were places.

Back then, you could go to Midas Muffra on a Wednesday. If you knocked out twins, they'd balance your tires. Put the girl right up on the job. Anyhow, I'm just saying. How about this? And people on the left — it's not about is it a baby, is it a baby, is it a fetus, it's about none of that. It's about angry feminist pigs who didn't fit into the mainstream when they were younger. You've seen the marches. Nobody would — it's so funny. They're worried, but nobody wants to sleep with them.

Nobody ever did. Their anger — they joined the feminist club, to me, which has been the worst. It did what it was supposed to do — equal pay for women, you know, all that. But don't let them fool you. They don't want to be told by a man what to do with their body. And I say, why not? My wife does it in bed. I'm like, put your leg up here.

Bend this way. Never had a problem with it. Anyways, as usual, the left has to do what? When somebody calls them on their baloney. Violence. Violence. They do it all the time, whether it's the George Floyd thing. Violence. Burning. Looting. violence. It's what they do. Just compare the, you know, again, the January 6th insurrection, when nobody had weapons on the right, and one woman was shot,

a Trump supporter to death. Compare that to the riots, you know, the George Floyd. Last night, speaking of insurrection, here's one, and I think it's Arizona. This is the Capitol. These are pro-choice. Again, broad you wouldn't even look at twice if they're in your closet. Here you go. Flamethrower. Oh, my foot. Oh, my foot. Can you imagine one of the patriots when we were fighting the British?

Get a musket in the... Ow, my buttocks. You guys don't know how to do it. Although that looked more to me, more rowdy than the January 6th thing. I wonder if they're going to sit in jail, what everybody's asking. Of course not. Let's not kid ourselves. Because they're on the left. They don't go to jail. And again, I see guys out there. Really? Guys, are you that upset about abortion?

Or are you trying to meet girls there? I hope you're attracted to women that look like Sergeant Schultz from a show. What an old reference. Called Hogan's Heroes. Anyways, keep an eye on that. Let's follow that because that's an insurrection. But don't worry about it. They threatened to, remember, the kids showed up with guns and all kinds of crap to kill

a Supreme Court justice. So Kavanaugh, wasn't it? So, you know, it's just, you know, because they're right and we're wrong. You guys are pushing it. It might be go time. This could be the final domino. And you don't know what's going to hit you. That's all I'm going to say. When you hear a gunshot and the girl goes, ow, my ears. You have no idea. Let's just say it won't be long. It won't take long. That's coming from Dallas, who's led a few insurrections himself.

But the left are very upset about this ruling. That was mean. Anyways, yeah. We'll follow that closely. I'm sure they'll all be doing over a year, like some people are sitting in jail in D.C. since January 6th of 2021. And again, not one of them was charged with insurrection. Keep that in mind.

And if you get politicians backing that up, saying we can do whatever we want, they're right, you can't. Well, I think they want it. They're right. You can't. I think they want it. They're egging on it. Just get it over. I want you to do it before I die. That's all I'm asking. Careful what you ask for, left. Exactly. Give him a boot in the ass. Speaking of left, West Coast

stupid. This is, we're covering the top few stories will be about Roe Wade, because obviously people are in a frenzy. How about this? You guys have been killing babies since the 70s. You know, you've had 50 years of killing babies. How about we reverse it and go 50 of no abortions?

But they don't have a problem with pregnant women pouring in from Guatemala, walking through the river, and, you know, no problem with that. That's not overpopulation and all the other crap you've come up with. I call it West Coast stupid. Again, this is somewhere outside of L.A. And once again, the left, Antipa, and by the way, Antipa and those groups, they really are anarchists. Those guys don't really care about abortion. They like to break shit and they want to overthrow the American government. That I understand. They look for things like this. You know what I mean? They're not going to come up with something on the right, obviously,

because they want this government gone. But I don't think they give two hoots. So this is outside of LA. I'm so glad I don't live there anymore. Just the cement and the palm trees and the heat and the... And the desert. That West Coast architecture. A lot of history out there. When you're in New York, you look for an apartment, it'll say something like pre-war, meaning pre-World War II or whatever. Out there, you'd see that, it'd say pre-war, and I'm like, what,

Gulf? The building was built like... Anyways, check out these idiots terrorizing people in cars who are, you know, they don't even know the people in the cars, where they stand. They probably don't have an opinion on abortion, but they're not stopping for them, so we're going to hit their cars and crap. Here come the unfuckables. It's the unfuckables. Oh no. It's the unfuckables. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Guy on the bike's smart. He's going to fist bump one of these guys. This is your must not do it. Run the motherfuckers over. I guess somebody did somewhere. I think I've read that. Did you read that?

I can't remember where it was from, but yeah, they were blocking the road and the truck just moved on through. And then one article made it sound like they were trying to murder us and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, that's just trying to drive. That's my point. Exactly. The driver, first of all, you don't know where he stands on abortion. He's got a job to do.

He's delivering stuff or he gets canned. Number one. he's got a job to do. He's delivering stuff or he gets canned, number one. So number two, they found out who the driver was right away, apparently. They ID'd him.

As opposed to when a black guy ran over and killed a bunch of people on the right in Milwaukee, we couldn't find out who he was for a couple, remember? And then we found out he was a black nationalist. They tried to hide that.

But when conservatives get run over, it's a big mystery. And remember they said the car, all the stories said the car went out of control. Not the driver. Didn't say it mowed him over. But here, when it slips in front of the truck, you try to kill her. You guys have no moral compass whatsoever. You have none. God, I hate to be such a righty,

but I hate the way you make me ride you, as Tony said to Richie April. Again, I'm not a big pro-life guy either. I'm just saying. More? We got more? I love the smell of grape palm in the morning. I don't know if that was supposed to be there or not.

Rocky Mountain Stupid. Again, more. This we don't have clips of. The photos do just fine. They vandalized a Christian crisis center, which, by the way, offers services to women who have had abortions. Because another thing you don't hear about, when young girls or women have abortions, it fucks with their head the rest of their lives for a lot of them. Even the ones that thought they were feminine, you know, they followed the bearded pigs and Gloria Steinem.

By the way, she ended up marrying a rich guy. You're all full of shit. Yeah, full of shit. Colorado Christian Crisis Center for pregnant women was vandalized and set on fire Saturday morning, a day after the U.S. Supreme Court reversed federal protection of abortions. And that's the other thing. It was a political document to begin with, abortion. Not supposed to be in the Constitution.

Had nothing to do with the Constitution. Even your hero, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, said it was a weak ruling and it shouldn't be there. Haven't heard you quote her on this one, you stick figures. What? I have no idea what the fuck. It's not going to be long before you all kill yourselves because you're all crazy. And you can project it back on me. Best acting job ever. By the way, suicide is just adult abortion, if you think about it.

Isn't it? Sure it is. I say we extend it to 75, 80. Police responded to a fire at Life Choices. That's my screen name. Life Choices in Longmont around 3.20 a.m. and found the building ablaze with graffiti messages referencing the controversial, so controversial. Do you understand? I'll explain to you in a second. The controversial overturning of Roe v. Wade, officials said. By the way, folks, it's not like you can't get an abortion anymore.

Now it's up to the states the way democracy is supposed to work. So funny when the left is faced with real democracy. They've been screaming democracy is under assault. We're killing it. This is the most pure form of it, and they're shitting their pants. Because they want, they like the federal government's hand in it, and they're shitting their pants because they want, they like the federal government's hand in everything because they're pussies.

If abortions aren't safe, neither are you. Well, I guess, I guess I'm all right because I ain't have one. One message read, signed Nancy Leather Nipples Pelosi, accompanied by the circled A,

anarchy symbol, as you know, Pelosi, accompanied by the circled A, anarchy symbol, as you know. So all that on a building, like I said, that actually offers services to girls who have had an abortion. So right wing, huh? Unbelievable. Fuck you and fuck you. Exactly. Who's next? The saying has been written at dozens of pro-life centers since the court's intent to overturn the 1973 mistake. It was leaked back in May. That was intentional, too. Bans off our bodies.

Bans off our bodies? How about loads? Bans off our bodies was also painted onto the entrance walkway of the building while another anarchy symbol adorned its facade, according to pictures released by the police. Life Choices, a good coffee company in Life Choices, offers women alternatives to abortion as well as faith-based post-abortion counseling, according to the website. People try to do good, and they're just disgusted by it. Oh, God help me. The reversal of Roe v. Wade is expected to lead to abortion bans in about half the U.S. states. Wow.

So restrictive. But would not immediately affect Colorado, where they're doing this shit. You just won the cup. Go celebrate. Put a fetus in the top of the cup and sip from its blood. put a fetus in the top of the cup and sip from its blood, which currently grants pregnant residents wide access to the procedure,

you dummies. You're so stupid. You really are. You're so stupid. So stupid. You know what they are? You're a communist. Yeah, they are.

Hey, guys, I want to announce a new tour date we just added on Friday. I'll be back. I did this gig maybe two years ago, a year and a half. I'll be back in Florida at the Palm Beach Kennel Club. See the light show? They're even excited. I thought I had a tumor. Palm Beach Kennel Club on Friday, November 11th.

That's Veterans Day. It's about a week after the midterms. I hope my plane doesn't get shot down. So there'll be plenty to talk about for sure. This will be my second time at this venue, and I did. I really loved it. Anyway, you know who owns it? The people who own the Steelers, Rooney.

Anyway, you can get tickets now by going to nickdip.com and clicking on tour. You'll also find links there from my dates in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and New York in September. Tommy, why am I going back to the Northeast? I can't take it anymore. I'm not going to say it again. I know these dates were on the books a while ago. I don't want to deal with New York airports in any way. You can tell me my... Wait a minute.

She lives in Boston. Forget about it. Let's move on. I was going to say, you can tell me my mother's dying and I'm not going to fly. I'm not going. We'll FaceTime her dying. Is that insensitive?

I'd like to go, but Jesus, a UFC fight, I already paid for. Let's move on, shall we? By the way, Dallas and his girlfriend had to pick up and move. They were too loud. He plays a guitar. No. They had to, whatever, the owner was selling the building.

They find an apartment. He just showed me the pictures. Man! Do you know what the square footage is? Not off the top of my head, but it's probably the size-wise double what we have now. It's great. And still, it's two blocks from where we just... Yeah, we're moving two blocks. So you're not really moving. You just improved your lives.

Beautiful hardwood. I mean, down here, and again, even now, even with New York being the shithole that it is, you have no idea what you pay for that. Oh my God. Crazy. Anyways, the headline, Dirty Laundry, aired. The attorney for the family of Brian Laundry on Friday released eight pages from Laundry's notebook that was found near his remains in Florida in October last year, according to a news release obtained by CNN affiliate Wink. Oh yeah, that must be legit. Jesus. You're a news organization? You're called Wink? Are you sure this is true?

Oh yeah. Put it up, Don Lemon. Look, this is the guy that represents a laundry firm. He looks like the kids. That's what the kid would have looked like in about 20 years. In the notebook, terrific movie, Laundrie wrote in part, I'm sorry to everyone this will affect, and I say, shut it. Psycho. Gabby was the love of my, listen to what he does here. I want to dig him up and fuck him again. I mean, strangle him. Was the love of my Listen to what he does here I want to dig him up and fuck him again I mean strangle him Was the love of my life But I know adored by many

Is that why you killed her? I'm so very sorry to her family Because I love them You're fucking crazy On another page he wrote about Petito being injured The girl, his girlfriend, and trying to help her.

Really? I don't know the extent of Gabby's injuries, only that she was in extreme pain. I ended her life. I thought it was merciful. That is what she wanted. But I see now all the mistakes I made. I panicked. I was in shock.

But from the moment I decided to take away her pain, I knew I couldn't go on without her, he wrote. You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. He wants us to, you know what they say? There's a saying in the Mafia, you know, I saw it on Sopranos. There's a saying amongst mafiosos, cons right to the end. In other words, when you

strangle them to death, they're still lying. He wants us to believe that she got hurt somehow. Like a horse. Like she broke her ankle like a horse. Wouldn't you mention what the injury was? So people wouldn't think you're a scumbag

she probably was hurt you probably hit her with a rock in the back of the head and she was convulsing um what that that is so psychotic wouldn't you mention if that wow enjoy hell potatoes cause of death was ruled to be strangulation yeah so that's what the expert said while you were strangling her did she said finish the job I'm in pain put me out of my

and the manner of death was homicide Teton County Coroner Dr. Brent Blue said that's a great name for a coroner Brent Blue hey BB what do you got here? Hey, BB. Now we found the shell casing in her ass.

Smoking a laetian. Most of the people he works on are blue. Good night, everybody. Papa Schmer, if you know, that's his nickname, Dr. Schmer. Laundry family attorney, Stephen Bertolino. They make a good olive oil, by the way. Am I right?

Bertolino olive oil? Boy, my mind's racing today. I should go home and, I don't know. Laundrie family attorney Stephen Bertolino said he released the notebook pages after a meeting with the FBI and an attorney for the Petito's family where they collected the personal belongings of Petito and Laundrie. One of the pages from Brian Laundrie's notebook that was released by Stephen Bertolino, the Laundrie family attorney that you just told us, you fuckstains, as part of this return of property in FBI custody, I was given Brian's notebook. I would like to share with the public the note that the

FBI alluded to on January 21st, on 22, 22, 2022, that Brian claimed responsibility for the death of Gabby Petito, Bertolino said. Bertolino released eight pages of the notebook, and it's not known their order in the notebook that was recovered. On the last page released, Laundrie wrote, I have killed myself by this creek in the hopes that animals may tear me apart, that it may make some of her family happy.

I'm going to fucking smash his fucking face in. Apparently a couple of animals did. Some wolves ate them and they died three seconds after from AIDS. Nick, that's a good one. I know I'm a pro.

Can you imagine saying that though? Maybe it'll make her family happy. What a psychotic, yeah, the parents go, you know, we're bummed about our daughter, but oh thank God, an alligator got sick. No, wherever the fuck he was. A raccoon. I don't know what's in the desert. I don't know how to make a sandwich. The last words on

the page written with a different pen than the previous ones. I like to do that with my punchlines. Please pick up all of my things. Look at, he's giving orders after he fucking strangled Gabby hated people who littered. You're a fucking real card. Your mother sucks cocks in hell.

You'll be sucking them right next to her. Your mother sucks cocks in hell. You heard me. Your mother sucks cocks in hell. That's, by the way that was uh what's the name from the golden girls i roasted her and i can't remember betty white no the other big one uh be author jesus christ nick i'm worried. I'm going for CTE. I'm afraid I'm going to end up like Junior Seau and put my own gun in my mouth.

Looked at my slip-on shoes today. Couldn't differentiate which one goes where. Let's move on, shall we? Sure. Tulsi. That will be Tulsi Gabbard. Only one, really, that makes any sense out there anymore.

Tulsi Gabbard, conceal and carry, which she would know about because she is, first of all, she was in the military. you know what I do like? She's on Fox. She's a regular contributor to Fox now. Even because, you know, Hawaii's not a, Hawaii on Fox. She's a regular contributor to Fox now. Even because, you know, Hawaii is as liberal as it gets. And she's pretty liberal on a lot of stuff.

But the important thing is she gets right. So it's not an accident she went to Fox. And again, I get nothing for promoting. I'm just saying, if you want close to the truth, even they shit their pants when they, you know, announced that Biden won Arizona or whatever. That's why they kind of lost me. Anyways, but Tulsi Gabbard, who, like I said, is how to handle a gun, has an opinion because apparently she had her life threatened a few times. Let's listen to Tulsi. Hey everybody, I am here in Washington, D.C. today and the Supreme Court just issued a pretty significant ruling regarding concealed carry, this New York case. This ruling is a strong step forward towards upholding the Second Amendment rights of law-abiding Americans to defend ourselves. This one hit close to home.

Why? Because about ten years ago, there was a credible threat against my life by a guy who knew where I lived. I didn't know where you lived. He knew where to find me, how to find me. And he wanted to kill me. He made threats to kill me by cutting. You're exaggerating. I said I wanted a kiss.

And I didn't know where you lived. I saw you. You were going from kickboxing class at like 7 p.m. And I followed you on my Vesper. I was dressed like a giant pineapple. You had no idea. Go ahead. Off my head.

Cut off her head. At that time, I made an informal inquiry with a high-level leader in the Honolulu Police Department just to find out, hypothetically, whether or not if I applied for a concealed carry permit, would it actually be approved? I bet it wasn't. Given there was a very clear need. There was a very direct threat on my life. Oh, that young lady. To his credit, he told me the truth, and he said no. He told me the truth, and he said no.

Like New York and Hawaii, even though there is a process to apply for a concealed carry license saying you've got to prove that you need it, very rarely, if ever, are those applications granted, again, even if you show evidence of a compelling need. In New York, a compelling need. Yeah, I want to go to the grocery store. I've got to feed myself. It's a fucking, what a idiot that mayor is. Just like I said, again, he wasn't, Adams wasn't, again, he was positioned or appointed. He wasn't fucking elected. New Yorkers, I really believe that. Every mayor, oh, what a coincidence. Every major city now has a big Libin charge as far as attorney generals and whatnot. Anyway, somebody threatened to cut her

head off, which is horrible, but I did reach out to the guy and said, look, if you need a place to keep it, I got a place right next to my popsicles. That's my new joke, by the way, on stage. I probably said it already here, but guys, you know, guys always have, I'm a leg man, I'm an ass man, I'm a tip man. And I say I'm a face man. A girl has to have a beautiful face because if I'm going to see it every time I open my freezer. I love that one. All right.

Anyways, Gabby's right. Yes, sir. And she better convert. Hey, guys, I want to introduce you all to something called Shout Out. Shout Out is a lot like Cameo, but it's filled with liberty-loving American talent. You can go there to get a personalized message from people like Steven Crowder or Dennis Prager or Lara Logan or myself. That's right. I'm available on ShoutOut now to record a personalized video for you or your friends or your family.

The platform is owned and supported by people like us, and it's super easy to use. I think Crowder had something to do with it, maybe. Just go to the app store on your phone and search for the ShoutOut app. You'll see the logo. Then just look for Nick DiPaolo and let me know who you'd like me to, you know, zing. I'm not going to do a full roast, folks. I'm not going to sit down and write five minutes of jokes. Whatever you tell me about the purse, I hope it works

that way. Or celebrate whatever, a birthday or anniversary. For more info, you can also go to shoutout.fans and see what it's all about. Again, shoutout.fans. Order one today, and I thank you in advance.

Final story? Nope, two more. Hey, somebody doesn't want to do this anymore. No, I'm kidding. I always do that. I can't keep track, folks. I've only been in the business 58 years. We're going to have a ball about Friday, excuse me, Thursday.

It's at the Beacon in New York to premiere the movie. I think that we do a Q&A after we go up on the stage of people that are the cast of the movie. And then Joe List and Louie are going to rent one of those sprinter type vans. It's, you know, big ass, you know, it holds about 20 people. And we're all going to go up the next morning. But I'm a little worried because that's the Friday before the 4th of July, going from New York to Boston. And I told Joe List that, and he goes, yeah, but we'll have a bar, which is true.

I'm just thinking of who's going to be driving it. Timing is everything. Well, yes, exactly. I mean, I'm great at that. I was like an old man at that shit. You know what I mean? I'd be with my wife and we're going somewhere. We're leaving at 4 a.m. I'm not getting in that traffic.

It's going to be brutal, but hopefully we can get up early. I'm sure that's going to happen after a night of drinking. So that should be fun, man. I do my best work. I've come up with some of my best bits, by the way, in a car on the way to a gig with other comics or, you know, you're surrounded by like-minded

people. I just hope a Walmart truck doesn't hit us. You know what I'm saying? Tracy Morgan joke. Get a little scratch from it. Anyways, what do we got next what's the next thing coming up summer porno readings for 11 year olds oh yes

where do you get a load of this folks you thought those uh school board meetings you thought uh maybe after being scared straight by some of the parents over the past year, they'd change their ways. Oh, no. They're still corrupting young children's minds with perversion. And again, I'll say it again. Everybody made fun of the right back in the 50s and 60s, your conservative straight square. And they said, the gays will come after our kids. Guess what? Bingo! Sorry, I don't know how to... Anyways, where was this?

In Illinois. There you go. Illinois. Which is another. Illinois gave us, you know who, the Obamas. Hillary Clinton, I think, too, originally. Imagine that thick-ankled dog face. Somebody slap her before I do. Anyways, this is at a school board meeting. And how old are

the kids? 11-year-old kids. This stuff is for 11-year-old kids. There's a blonde woman at the microphone. And again, the school board's up there, the perverted fox. She's holding this thing up. It's like a comic book. There's only one shot in this clip you'll see it's a close-up but you won't believe how graphic that what the people are doing in the you know and take a look here we go English teacher sends out a summer reading material, including genderqueer. Okay? Hopefully everybody can see this. Yeah?

11, 12 years old. Pause. Pause. Can you blow it up? Look at this. Guy blowing another guy. I think that's a guy. Right?

And what's funny is the guy's got a pot belly in that one. Maybe it's a pregnant guy with a dick too. Or a pedo. Yeah. It's a pregnant guy with a dick. He's still got a dick. Then you got two guys fucking. Again, this is comic book type drawings. And what's the one... And the top image of the dude grabbing himself

over the jeans. That one's not that bad. I mean, come on. 11-year-olds see rappers doing that every three minutes. What's the thing on the bottom? I can't make that one out. What are they doing? It's like they're straddling or something.

I think they're trying to scissor each other. Trying to scissor each other. That's good. Anyways, they're showing 11-year-olds that shit. And let me tell you something. A lot of people have this notion that this Roe versus Wade thing, I even said it last week, it might throw a lifesaver to the Dems, come the midterms.

You know, it gives them something to grasp onto. Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh. This shit, they never forget. The parents, I don't care if they're Democrats, they don't forget. You're fucking with their kids like that. That and a couple other things, in my opinion.

Again, they're going to try to steal anyway, so who cares? I don't trust those muppet fucks. Let's listen to the rest of the nice lady. Hopefully you like this. Yeah? You guys over there, because you guys make the decisions over there they can't see it no that's ignorant all right now from this book brother talking to sister brother talking to sister so you never tasted yourself? Sister shows brother vagina slime. Shit's delicious. Then there's your blowjob, gay shit. This is exactly what I would expect a pedophile to behave when approaching a child. Nah, you get it all wrong. Normalize sexual behavior to abuse them.

Exactly. And this is how I see you. Ah, the homosexuals. Stop sexualizing our kids. Stop abusing them. Thank you, Margo. Margo Dyer. Ah, the homosexuals.

11-year-old kids. Just waiting for that dad who's had enough. La, la, la, la. Google the guy. I bring this up on the show every couple years, but it's the best definition of justice ever. The guy whose son was molested by a guy, and they were transferring the molester to a different prison. He waited at the airport, the father of justice ever, the guy whose son was molested by a guy, and they were transferring the molester to a different prison.

He waited at the airport, the father of the kid, pretended he was on a pay phone. You ever see this, Dallas? Oh, dude, you Google it right when we're done. Pretend he's on a pay phone, which you couldn't do now, at the airport, and the cops are escorting the guy in his jumpsuit, back and runs up. Bang! Good night. I think the judge gave him a round of applause.

He did. He didn't get any time. Wouldn't happen today. Well, I don't know. With that new gun ruling. I know. Well, no, it would. Fuck yeah.

You'd do it, wouldn't you? No, no, no. I'm saying it wouldn't get let off today. Yeah. Instead, it's the pedophile that gets let off. Yeah, probably. Probably not. There's got to be one conservative judge. And I mean one.

Anyways, finally tonight, let's lighten it up with a gap shot from a 10-year-old. What? No, I'm kidding. Sea lion roars. This was funny. This thing went viral in a second. Why can't I do it? Is this what I have to do, get pulled in the ocean by a sea lion by my balls to go? Dallas is like, yeah, you're not going to do it with a smart, funny monologue. Final story. The parents, this is the text leading up to the video. The parents here are completely to blame, and that's the sad truth of it. This is the guy that was speaking. This was not in San Francisco. Where was it?

California. It was California. Where, though? It wasn't San Francisco, right? No. It wasn't San Francisco, right? No. Anyways, tourists need to learn that just because you're on vacation, this little girl, I'm going to show you in a second, got pulled into the water by a sea lion.

It's really funny. Look it, there he is. Pelosi's husband. Just because you're on a vacation. Listen to this guy. This is a guy that works there or whatever the fuck. He's lecturing somebody that just went through a tremendous you're on vacation it doesn't mean these wild animals are tame or or like any zoo animal cage i understand that to a point but this wasn't a zoo and shit like he just said well then

maybe you put something up that doesn't let a girl i mean you're the expert you know how these animals are unpredictable you're lecturing us you know know what I mean? You think some Asian couple with a little girl sits around a wall? I've never seen this. Christ, I hung out with sea lions in high school. Stop talking about your exes. Yeah, exactly. Oh, Jesus, no. They were not that cute.

Had a mustache like that, one of them. And clearly warning signs don't work. This is the guy still lecturing them. They're up in every dangerous areas in North America and people still disregard and put themselves in dangerous situations with wildlife. And that's all true and stuff. A group of tourists are seen admiring the beauty

of a sea lion in this video. They're on the end of a dock in British Columbia, BC. And the sea lion, that's Seattle by the way. Well, it's Canada. And the sea lion, that's Seattle, by the way. Well, it's Canada. And the sea lion is showing a lot of interest in the group of people. Watch what happens next.

And I'm telling you, I, boy, it surprised me. Go ahead. Suddenly, the sea lion snapped at her. And then a few moments later, this. Oh, my God. Oh my god! Oh my god! Instantly, a man jumped in. What's the reason he was with the girls group?

That looked like me waiting outside a bar. No, I used to do that at the mall and climb in the fountain and I'd hide under the water. The girl sat down y yank her in. Can't tell you about that. Yeah, it's like, tell me that didn't fucking freak you. How you been that little kid?

A little traumatizing, no? It's the last time she, I'll tell you what, she's not going to be a marine biologist. Fucking wild dogs underwater. Anyways, the guy continues his... With most animals, this would be a fair sign to get away, but the sea lion does seem so innocent as it swims in the ocean. I think it's the fact that it's an ocean animal, and the

people in the area are on their own territory, standing on land. It's good to see she was saved and sound, but we need to stop getting so close to these animals and giving them the opportunity to do this. Okay. I know a thing or two about a thing or two. Look at this, the mugshot of the sea lion. Look at him. He's like, for Christ's sake, I just went through chemo. Look at these choppers. Yeah, I saw a nice ass and I bit it. Anyways, that's it. Nice light.

That was pretty amazing. Wasn't it? Goodness gracious. Eloise, before I go today, I want to thank the contributors to the show. Kyle Anderson of Utah. Michael McDonnell of Florida. Ooh, Jerdith Scheffler. Is it Jerdith or Judith?

California. Get out of Florida. Judith Scheffler. Is it Judith or Judith? California. Get out of California. Anthony, hey, black guy, hook me up with some Pepsi. Georgia. New Jersey. That's a line from Artie's movie. When I say, hey, black guy, hook me up with some Coke. He went with Pepsi. Very good. Paul Sagnella, a buddy from

Connecticut. Ryan Tampon. Come on. Ryan, I'm sorry. His whole name is Ryan Tampon Dispenser Foster. Kit Fortney. Again, I always think of a defensive back, Michigan. Tim Hershey from Ohio. Might be the longest running fan.

Thomas Schrade, New York. Megan Morgan. Great name for a porn star, California. Sean Powell, Florida, still kicking. Scott Ely, Canada. New subscribers, Christy Myers, sounds like a pill company. Paul Hawks and Ian Ahern, who just signed up for a full year subscription at patreon.com. Thank you so much, Ian. We appreciate that very much. We love you for it.

That is it, ladies and gentlemen, for today. Don't forget to sign up like he did at patreon.com or thecomicsgym.com. Don't forget shoutout.fans. And don't forget cameo.com if you want me to roast a friend or relative. Go to cameo.com. That is it. You guys think it.

I will say it. You are very welcome. See you back here at the same time tomorrow. Take care, kids. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm

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