The Nick DiPaolo Show - NYC: A Criminals Paradise | Nick Di Paolo Show #648

Episode Date: January 5, 2022

NYC DA downgrading felonies. ASU black students ironic. PA's illegal invasion. Woman bites paramedics junk. Influencer who sells farts hospitalized.

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Good show because I'll tell you, this country is coming apart at the seams. It's all fucking intentional. Anyways, let's get right to the N-word. I can't. I'm going to get there. in the n-word segment tonight dems are trying to launch an effort to win the 2022 midterms by disqualifying republicans who supported the effort to challenge biden's win as insurrectionists boy if this isn't proof they know they're going to get shellacked like an antique desk or Pelosi's 70-year-old tits or a biological female swimming against Big Dick Leah Thomas. They're using a provision of

the post-Civil War 14th Amendment that was created to disqualify former confederates who engaged in rebellion or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof. This effort's being led by Mark Elias. He's a lawyer for the Dems, an idiot who spearheaded the Russian hoax, which did what? Challenge the 2016 results when Trump won. You fucking idiots. How about the many Dems who objected to certification results in the past? Not even going to bring up Bush versus Gore, including the guy who was the main beneficiary of the last election, which was stolen, Joe Biden. The effort is going to sink like Biden's balls in toilet water. Come November 2022, the Dem Party should just bend over it

and take it like a man. Whoops. I want to be inclusive. Take it like a trans, non-binary, gender-fluid, goo-gobbling, Marxist fag. The end. Let's get going with the show, shall we? Well, we're waiting. Okay.

We're here. The first story, this one, I'm telling you, I've been doing this show a long time, and this might be the most outrageous. This one I thought the left couldn't get any fucking nuttier. New York? Oh, my God. Calm down, Nick.

Okay. I wish they still made Sanka. Do they? Manhattan's new DA is a black fella. Remember what I said about Eric Adams being a fucking wolf in sheep's clothing, however it goes. Manhattan's new DA, black fella,

has ordered his prosecutors to stop seeking prison sentences for hordes of criminals and to downgrade felony charges in cases including armed robberies, you heard me right, drug dealing, according to a set of progressive policies made public Tuesday. Downgrade armed robbery and shit. If you guys don't see that this is, if you were a fucking enemy of the United States, like George Soros is, who supports people like this, maybe not him specifically,

if you can't see that this is an intentional effort to undo this society as we know it, then fucking, you shouldn't be watching this show. It's ay-yi, ay. His name's Bragg.

Of course it is. And I'm dumber than fucking, I'm dumb, y'all. I'm dumb. In his first memo to staff on Monday, Alvin, Alvin! There he is.

Fucking another overweight, fucking civil servant, fat fuck, who pretends to work for you. In his first memo, Alvin Bragg said his office will not seek carceral sentence, that means prison, incarceration, except with homicides and a handful of other cases. So you have to kill somebody or rape somebody on a sidewalk at noontime in front of Starbucks, and you might get some time, including domestic violence, felonies,

some sex crimes. So there are some that you're not going to go to jail for. Well, I saw a couple of girls, about 24. Oh, yeah, I'm not in New York, I'm in Georgia, I'll be shot. Some sex crimes and public corruption. This rule may be accepted only in extraordinary circumstances based on a, here comes the fucking left-wing lib bullshit that will go over anybody's head who has a life, on a holistic analysis of the facts, criminal history,

and the victim's input. Because when somebody rapes your wife, he should have an input into what happens to him, according to Shithead. This is why there's never been a successful black leader other than MLK Jr. as far as running the country. I don't give a fuck if that sounds racist. I don't give a fuck, okay? Victim's input, particularly in a case of violence or trauma and any other information available the memo reads what you just said oh my god help is one of the most insanely idiotic things i have ever heard everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it may god have mercy on your soul it's already outrageous enough, right? If

this was new and you'd be like, what? But it's coming on the heels of that whole bail reform thing, giving us enough evidence that that made crime go through the roof. And this is their answer to it, doubling down or tripling down on it. So don't tell me they're not trying to dismantle New York City, the most important city in the country, and why you guys are still living there. I don't give a fuck. Well, I got a job. I don't care. Become a farmer.

Move to fucking Vermont. Assistant... Pick another state. Idaho. Assistant district attorneys, listen to this, must also now keep in mind the impacts of incarceration. He's telling you, never mind the victims, never mind the woman that gets shot or beat to death, keep in mind what this jail time is going to do to this guy. That's exactly how they're telling you to think.

Including whether it really does increase public safety. Okay, let me consider that. I'm going to pretend I'm working for him. Let me see, a guy just raped and killed a... If we take him off the street... Oh, that's right. If he killed someone, I guess you get jail time. Okay, he beat a Chinese lady with an inch of a knife.

If we put him in jail, will that help? Yeah, I think... That simple. Including whether it really does increase public safety, potential future barriers, convicts involving housing and employment, because that's what you should be thinking about when your sister gets raped and you go to trial and I don't want this guy to be turned down at McDonald's in Detroit if he goes for a job 30 years from now or five minutes from now I should say housing and employment the financial cost of prison and the oil if that's the

problem let's fry him a week after we bust them seriously let's go all China fucking Tehran on his ass. If you're worrying about money, I'm fucking dead serious. If you get a guy on film or a woman shooting and killing somebody or raping somebody, and we know positive identification, saliva, fucking hang him like a cow upside down, slit his filthy throat and do it within a month of the... I'm fucking dead serious stick to process up your ass when you have a guy on video or a person committing the crime that's all I'm gonna say you want to see a deterrent and do it like I said

at a halftime during an NFL game or a baseball where there's a ton of eyes on it they sort of do that in Iran. They're not wrong about everything, except for they're doing it to innocent people. Anyways, the financial cost, that'll cut down the cost. And the racial disparities, oh, here it comes, over who gets time, because we all know those black and brown prisons,

you know, the Phil Black and 70%, they're all in there unjustly. You know that, don't you? In cases where prosecutors do seek to put a convict behind bars, the request can be for no more than 20 years for a determinate sentence, meaning one that can't be reviewed or changed by a parole board. The office shall not seek a sentence of life without parole, period. seek a sentence of life without parole, period.

That means you could massacre a family, be a serial fucking rapist, but there's a chance. No, Nick, they don't mean that. Yeah, they do. And if they don't now, they will. Look where we are, folks. All the conservatives, they used to say slippery slope, and you'd be like,

oh, you're fucking racist, you're paranoid. Look where we are. Bragg's memo also detailed the following instructions. I haven't even gotten to the good shit. For prosecutors to reduce charges filed by cops in various cases. So he's telling already. Prosecutors to reduce the cops out there risking armed robbers who use guns or

other deadly weapons to stick up stores and other businesses will be prosecuted only for petty larceny. What a misdemeanor. Why are we working for a living, folks? What are we doing? We're following the fucking laws. Crime doesn't pay. If I had a choice between, and I love what I'm doing, I love you people, I'd rather go fucking smash and grab. I'm Italian. I know how to do it. Provided no victims were seriously injured.

Oh, so you... Oh, God. And there's no genuine risk of physical harm to anyone. If this isn't all over the news tonight, I'll be very disappointed. I was going to say move to Canada, but it's worse in this country.

Armed robbery, a Class B felony, would typically be punishable by a maximum of 25 years in prison, while petty larceny subjects offenders to up to 364 days in jail and a $1,000 fine. What the hell's going on out here? Convicted criminals caught with weapons other than guns will have those felony charges downgraded to misdemeanor, what, like a spork?

will have those felony charges downgraded to misdemeanor, what, like a spork? To misdemeanor unless they're also charged with more serious offenses. Criminal possession of a weapon in the third degree, a Class D felony, is punishable by up to seven years behind bars. Burglars who steal, listen to this, this one got me. This applies to you people in the suburbs mostly. Burglars who steal from residential storage areas, that would be like your tool shed out back. Parts of homes that aren't accessible to the living area. Why don't you just mail my key to them? I can't believe what I'm reading.

And businesses located in mixed-use buildings will be prosecuted for a low-level Class D felony that only covers break-ins instead of more serious crimes. In other words, what's funny is my sister just built this big room that's not attached to her house. I mean, it's like a huge... It's not attached. You walk about 25 feet, but they had Thanksgiving there. It's beautiful. So somebody could bust into that and get a slap on the wrist. Holy shit. Again, that was New York. Yeah, class D felony. That only covers break-ins instead of...

Those more serious crimes, Class B and Class C felonies, would be punishable up to 25 and up to 15 years in prison, respectively. Drug dealers believed to be acting as low-level agent of a seller will be prosecuted. Boy, these really benefit a certain segment of the population, huh? Will prosecuted only for misdemeanor possession. Also, suspected dealers will only be prosecuted on felony charges if they're also accused of more serious crimes or actual caught in the act of, I think you guys get the message here. That felony would mean facing up to seven whatever the fuck. Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you! Take it easy. You've got to grow up. You've got to grow up. New York? Again, I want to blame you people who vote or whatever the fuck for the mayor, You got to drown. New York? Again, I want to blame you people who vote or whatever the fuck for the mayor,

but I'm at the point where I don't think any of these people get elected. They get appointed. So I don't know who to yell at. But I told you that Adams, I think he started the whole, the police had this black police association or whatever in New York. I think he was at the, you know, he was not your typical fucking cop, hard-nosed, like. Anyways, headline, dumb black bitches. That's not fair. I'm just reading what the um the fella sent to me what

I can't lie two Arizona State University students we cover this a little bit this is the update who were reprimanded after a viral video showed them confronting white so it's two black chicks they haven't even said that yet have they two black chicks. They haven't even said that yet, have they? Two black chicks, hateful, racist, fucking black. You call them, you know, we have Karens. These are Taniquas. Confronting white students studying in a campus multicultural center last year. Have accused the school of openly discriminating against them. Here's the letter they wrote.

I can't believe they know how to write. Dear white people, also known as ASU, you openly discriminated against us on November 16th when you handed down your decision from your racially biased investigation. The students, Marasani, Cure, and Sarah Ticola said in a more than nine minute video oh my god, what have we turned this country into? Posted to social media last week. We're being persecuted for defending our

multicultural center from racism and sexism. ASU is a violent place. And if the dean had any balls, he'd say to her Shut your fucking mouth! Shut shut the fuck up you cunt shut it i never let it play through shut it here's the two dumb whores right here who probably got in because of uh you know, some stipulation. Like minorities, we need a blacker campus.

The pair was seen in a viral video in September confronting two white male students who were studying in a multicultural space, whatever the fuck that is, accusing them of racism. One of the male students in the video had a sticker on his computer reading Police Lives Matter while the other student was seen wearing a shirt saying,

do not vote for bide they throw that in the story hoping it kind of balances it um they say the girls say this is the violence that asu does and this is the type of people that they protect okay this is white man thinks he can why white man think he can take up our space. And this is why we need a multicultural space. Because they think they can get away with this shit. One of the female whores told her male peers in the video. I don't know what you're smiling at, watermelon. Let's take a look at these two white guys just minding their business. We did this story back in September. Whatever the fuck.

Minding their business. We did this story back in September, whatever the fuck. Minding their business at a multicultural spot. Just let that sink in for a second. And here comes Taniqua and Taniqua. You have a bad... You're offensive. Police Lives Matter?

You have the same sticker. We're just trying to do school. You guys have the same sticker as the other... But this is our space. We've got a police lives matter sticker and we're getting kicked out. We can't do school. You just said we have to leave. No, I said.

You're making the space uncomfortable. You said you're making me feel uncomfortable. But you're white. Do you understand what a multicultural space? It means you're not being centered. White's not a culture? No. No, it's not a culture. White's not a culture? No. No, it's not a culture.

White is not a culture. There's your college kids today. How the fuck you could watch that out there and send your kids to college? You should be arrested for child abuse or whatever the fuck. Are you fucking kidding me? They come over, start an argument, and then saying, you're making me, this place uncomfortable. You're psychotic. Can you imagine being a white kid that age and trying to go to school with these fucking idiots? What keeps him from not strangling that bitch? Why? Because if

he looks at her wrong, he's going to go to prison. Stupid fucks. And that's fine, you know. And they're pissed. They're the ones getting treated unequally. This is our space. Well, multicultural. White culture is more important than any other fucking culture in this country. You've been saying it.

I'm not racist. I'm just studying, the kid said, responding to the morons. Then he said before leaving, I pay the same fucking tuition, I wish we had that, as you. I'm working 60 hours a week while going to school because my parents don't just give me money. Her parents don't give her money either, the government does, okay? She don't have no parents, Auntie Pam. An investigation was launched and Qureshi and Takealawa, your names offend me, get out of my country, go back the fuck to where you came from, which I mean Baltimore or Detroit, charged, I don't mean, you know. Charged with an Arizona Board of Regents Code of Conduct violation in November

according to the ASU students. Ooh, I bet you they got punished severely. The state press. They were found guilty of interfering with university activities. This was insufficient evidence to find them responsible for violating harassment policy.

Really? That's not harassment, what they did to those white guys? They're talking about the black girls, right? Insufficient evidence. That's not harassing. How does your policy read? How about if they were sitting there and two white guys came up and started that shit? You think it would fall under harassment policies? This is fucking, between this story and what's going on in New York, the fucking country is coming apart at the, it has been for a while, but now, holy shit. And if you talk about it like me, it's going to get fucking whatever. I can't even go on YouTube where the real people are.

Ugh. I do. Their punishment was writing a going to take the wrong way? I do. Their punishment was writing a three-page paper. Was it really? That was it. Well, that is quite a punishment for the black chick to get three sentences out. Their punishment was to write a three-page paper without saying like or without fucking misconjugating a verb. We'd be angry. No, that's allowed too, remember? Oh, that a verb, we'd be angry. No, that's allowed, too, remember?

Oh, that's allowed, too. That's true. It's actually required to get in, I think. You have to speak at a fifth-grade street level. Nice country. Boy, I'd like to grab Biden by his scrawny fucking windpipe. I'm talking about Jill. Pennsylvania has become the latest location where fights filled with illegal fights.

That would work too. Flights. I'm sorry, folks. Flights filled with illegal immigrants are being flown under the cover of dark. Good. You fucking kept Trump from winning. I hope your state looks like fucking Nigeria in a month. I don't feel good. Too much coffee. Flown under the cover of darkness. That's not racist, according to reports. At least five flights carrying the illegal immigrants landed at airports in Scranton

in Allentown last month from Texas, local outlet WFMZ reported. Former GOP congressional Lou Barletta, Republican, who's running for Pennsylvania governor, claimed, I'm not even trusting him he looks to you know I mean I next time I hear Republican I want a fucking guy from Alabama missing his front tooth seriously but graduated some fucking college

and he's just his neck is like he played you know he's a center running for Pennsylvania governor claimed the flights were sent at night by the Biden administration. And he could hear this coming out of the plane. Excuse me, flight attendant. Why did they get to do that? We can't. Barletta said one flight had landed at Lehigh Valley International Airport in Allentown last Thursday.

The others were directed to Scranton, Joe's old town. Excuse me. I wonder if he'll go back there now. Scranton International Airport a week earlier. Let's take a look at the videotape. They got caught. Nobody was up front. Nobody knew it was happening. And after they got caught, there were crickets for answers. asked governor wolf you know did he know about this uh were they vaccinated and i'm not only talking about for covid in pennsylvania law requires any minors before they can go to school to have polio hepatitis mumps measles chicken pox uh where

were their criminal background checks done, and where were they going? All right, enough. You're asking all the wrong questions. Those are questions that ask if it was legal, you fucking idiot. You should be going, how is this even constitutional? You should be putting a committee together to impeach the motherfucker. Not going, are they vaccinated? So you already accepted, you're going to let them in.

See what I'm saying? Fucking false, fake Republican, rhino. A lot of these guys have just said already, they're part of it. They're part of the global thing. Fucking Lindsey Graham and Mitch McConnell. Are they vaccinated?

Do they have a call? Is that what you're asking, really? And not going, what the fuck does he think he's doing? Have the National Guard meet him there, if you're serious. I got to start running for something. Not Georgia, it's too blue. Oh, God. Democrat Rep Matt Cartwright denied too blue. Oh, God. Democrat rep Matt Cartwright denied the flights.

Oh, he denied it, did he? Denied the flights were conducted in secret. Why are they coming in between 12 and 6 a.m.? Saying they were authorized by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and were carrying unaccompanied immigrant children. Oh, in that case, they're unaccompanied immigrant children. Fine, that makes a big difference. So they're gonna meet up with people who are already snuck in, is that what you're saying? Are we supposed to believe they're gonna set up camp themselves as 12 year olds? Pull my

finger, he added that the children were sent to their parents or approved sponsors. What, is Goodyear getting involved in fucking Budweiser? After lending in Scranton. After landing in Scranton. But Barletta said it was impossible to know whether everyone on board was underage. Do you feel his fake interest? The Lehigh Valley Airport confirmed it had received charter flights from HHS, Human Health Services, and that future flights were scheduled.

So get ready to hear this every time you go out in your backyard. You're going to hear that coming from the apartment below you in jeopardy. Telemundo. Or fucking Afghanis, not just Latinos. Pick one. We're letting people in from countries that are sworn enemies of this country. You guys have no idea what you're in for five years from now. You know how we're reporting all the rapes last

year in Sweden and Finland? Fucking white girls being raped by Afghanis and shit. It's all coming to a theater near you. Nice going, Dems. Under grant assurances with the Federal Aviation, the FAA, and its federally obligated public use airport, the Lehigh North Hampton Airport Authority does not have the ability to discriminate against any aeronautical activity by refusing or denying aircraft from, is that right? So if China flew it over right now, right? Came over and said, hey, we want to park it here. You know, right? From arriving or departing Lehigh Valley International Airport, an airport line cocksucker said in a statement. The Biden administration has already allowed

plane loads of illegal immigrants to be flown into New York and Florida in recent months. Ha, ha, ha, ha, na, ma, na, na. More than a dozen charter flights carrying underage immigrants landed in Westchester, my old stomping grounds, in August alone. The postler. Boy, did I get out of there.

Meanwhile, the Biden administration secretly sent over 70 7-0 flights to Jacksonville, Florida over the summer. Governor Ron DeSantis' office claimed. What are you doing about it, Ron? Just the facts, man. You can't do that. Literally. This is the people's country. What a farce.

I guess it's all good, though. He might be a blessing in disguise. Biden. I don't know. Because he's exposing it all or whatever. Or it's just going to continue. You know what I mean? Whether DeSantis gets in there.

I don't know who to believe anymore. I really don't. Next story, ball biter. What? A 63-year-old woman in South Carolina. Uh-oh, is it Marjorie Taylor Greene, is in legal trouble after she was accused of biting a paramedic's groin last month during a chaotic scene at Charleston County Jail.

Getting you crotched, that's a dangerous fucking thing. Gina Darlene McGee, definitely a white woman. Oh! Sorry, white fella. No, white woman. Fucking looks like Tommy Nova, sliding back up with the Falcons back in the 60s. I don't know if you remember.

Look at this poor woman. Couldn't get a prick stuck in her in a men's prison in Turkey. I always say Turkey. I don't know. Gina Darling McGee. How are you, honey? This is her high school yearbook picture. She attempted to drop off a family member, oh, great family, at a jail on the morning of December 28th after accusing the unidentified individual of taking her cell phone and using it to look up inappropriate pictures. Well, you just admitted you had inappropriate pictures on there. She was called back to the Al Cannon Detention. Oh, Al Cannon. That's the name of the place? Al Cannon Detention Center.

Al was a real ball buster. But refused. The news station reported that. And an arrest warrant was issued. Once back at the facility, they went and got her. She's accused of resisting arrest and allegedly swiped a stun gun. This is mommy.

From one of the deputies. What a country of dog shit. She was eventually restrained, but paramedics were called to the scene after she held her breath for some time. Let her die. What is she, two years old with a mother and a super? I want those cookies.

I want those cookies! Woof, woof, woof. Woof, woof, woof. Woof, woof, woof. Woof, woof, woof. She is accused of biting one of the reporters in the groin area. Well, if you're going to get bit... Problem. You're the fucking problem.

She sure is. Fucking Dr. White, onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time. You ever see that movie, Del? Which one is that?

That's Sexy Beast. I've not. Oh, my God. I know what you like, dude. You will thank me. Ben Kingsley in the scariest role ever. Just plays a little fucking maniac. She was charged with assault and battery, unlawful conduct toward a child, and other offenses.

Oh, that's too bad. But could I grab this microphone and I beat your brains out with it because that's what she deserves. That's what she deserves. How do people's lives go? Three days after Christmas, she's biting a paramedic's balls at a prison. Come on, Hallmark, get on that story. Some crazy bitches out here, including this one. This was a good story. I studied it for like an hour and a half. Dallas took two and a half hours to edit the clip. A woman in Argentina apparently stripped her dirty underclothes, yummy, to her underclothes. Who calls it underclothes? Her goddamn underwear or her fucking panties and bra underclothes.

What if you got a tuxedo on under her fucking skirt? And tied, tied, we got to fix these. and tied, tied, we got to fix these, tried to wear her dress as a mask to avoid ice cream shops mask rule. I did that. I ripped the lady's skirt off going into a CVS. Nobody said anything down here. Anyways, she takes her dress off and puts it over her face so she can get an ice cream. A, she was a hooah. B, she was a hooah. She said, don't ask for my face mask. I'm putting it on, she reportedly told staff members at the location in Godoy, Cruz, a city in the western province of Mendoza. The New York Post will put it on too. The clip showed a man walk up to the counter with his three daughters as the woman entered

behind them and tries to tie her dress around her dirty Argentinian face. I'm kidding, good lady. Go ahead, roll tape. Come on, girls, let me buy a chocolate chip ice cream and I'll get strawberry for you soon. Look at the tits on that one. Look at this. Look at the dad.

If I'm the dad, I go, girls go outside. I got to talk to this person. The poor old man, he's getting a Raltney. That looks like the beginning of a porn film. Then dad starts banging her and there's a pig pile. At least that's how I direct it. No, that's horrible. Don't involve children. You know what's funny? That had nothing to do with getting an ice cream and shit.

That broad, like young girls all over the country. I sent it to Dallas. I even knew this when I was young. Dating hot chicks, they have to be seen. That's why they want to go to nightclubs. They have to be seen. That's why they want to go to nightclubs. They have to be seen. And with selfies today, they cannot walk by a fucking mirror without taking a picture of their own ass.

I mean, they did it back in my day, but there weren't as many ways to. But you put on the Internet today, there'll be like a stunning Russian girl, like a 23-year-old, pretending to teach you yoga when she knows you're beating your dick like a red-headed stepchild. Nothing to do with downward facing dog. Fucking my bedroom looks like an explosion at Baskin Robbins by the time I'm done. That's all that was about. She wanted to go viral because she's got a nice body. That's all that's about. You think she eats ice cream? You see her stomach? Get the fuck out of here.

Not for nothing, P. You see the tits on her bitch. Although the man's mask was... Look, whoever wrote this, was that a girl? They have to take a shot, even though what she did was totally insane. Although the man's mask was below his nose, again, because it's a white guy,

he was permitted to order. Oh, what a fucking... Then they put however he adjusted his mask over his nose. Maybe he's trying to get a whiff of that lady. As not to break the rules. The woman was reportedly refused service and was seen leaving the shop. That's discrimination. Local news outlet Kronika reported that the woman, who was with a group of bitches,

about 10 other people, finally managed to get her sweet treat when one of them secured a mask the post thank you for giving in the happy ending I mean that in many ways oh my god help us our father who fought it in heaven is this the last one well folks it went very quick today didn't it but I'm not done yet especially for you people who signed up at the, on a monthly level. You got a couple stories coming to you. Uh, that's called a tease. Just like that girl who just came in for a mint chocolate chip and showed her dirty ass. A stinky story! Now what could this be about?

Oh, yeah, we covered this woman, too. Oh, God. You know what's scary about this? This woman who farts in jars and sells her farts? This is the most sane thing we talked about today. This actually makes sense. A reality TV star who launched a gas adventure, hilarious, peddling her fancy flatulence to strangers, Stephanie Maddow, oh, Steffi, naughty little girl, you need a dirty spanking.

Stephanie Maddow, 31, blew away people. All right, we get the fart jokes, you fucking titless mind fucker. On social media, when she recently announced that she makes more than, I don't ever want to hear pretty women complain about anything ever again. I don't give a fuck if you have bone cancer. Shut

the fuck up. She makes more than 50 grand a week selling her farts. Selling her farts. That'll be $450. Ka-ching. More than 50 grand a week. Not a month.

A week. Can you imagine if she actually shit in the glass? That's going to be 150 a week. Not a month. A week. Can you imagine if she actually shit in the glass? That's going to be 150 a week. I'm telling you. A lot of German people out there. Do you understand, folks? This is a fart from her ass. Not a queef.

I can't believe a queef would be worth three times that. I know what a queef is. The Connecticut resident had gained... Oh, from Connecticut. I thought she was like from Germany. The Connecticut resident

had gained international recognition because we live on the dumbest planet and it's all... After appearing on the reality show 90 Day Fiance, what was that, her talent part of the show? I'm going to fucking drop a deuce. And later started her own YouTube channel.

We're done as a species, as a country, as a planet. Wrote books, oh, I bet you they were terrific, scratch and sniffs, and found that an X-rated subscription site called Unfiltered, she then really made waves with her affectatory, I never heard that word, affectatory, affectatory, what is it? Olfactory. I thought it was two Fs. Nope. Oh, is that an L? Olfactory. Okay, here it's two Fs, blended, I mean. Olfactory business by capturing her emission in jars and selling them because she thought it'd be a hilarious publicity move that would get a lot of people's attention.

No, that's not why. You know damn well this guy's a sick bucks. But after making 200 grand in sales, is this really true? God, she's fronking. Wait till she starts lactating at the jar. The influencer has announced her retirement.

Oh my God. You know why? As easy as that is, it's easier for her to go blow some guy who's a trillionaire and hang out with him in sponge for the next 10 years. I personally, I'm selling farts on Craigslist. I fart into balloons and I tie them off. I'm getting like 11, 12 cents

a pop. Retirement, when she passed one too many and got the wind knocked out of her. You can't even tell what's real and what the fart jokes are. A matoa was rushed to a hospital with chest pains. What? She fared with symptoms of a heart attack. Those are just fart pains, right? After undergoing a battery of tests, including blood work and an EKG, McTow was told that her pain was the result of her steady diet of gas-inducing beans and eggs. Is that her in the hospital? She's all shitted out?

Oh, my God, she is a tired asshole. I'll wake her up. What kind of hospital is that? It looks like one of those storage facilities. The self-proclaimed fart-repreneur had squeezed, those aren't my words, folks, squeezed out up to 50 jars worth of farts a week

to keep up with the demand and even added protein shakes to her diet to make them more pungent. I don't know about you. I don't give a shit if it's... I can never think of a fucking hot chick. Jennifer Aniston farting. I'd punch her right in the head.

Like, what are you fucking doing? Mateo explained that she decided to launch, God, I hope this is almost over. I'm getting queasy. Yeah, life's got to be tough for you, huh? There should be some fat, ugly broad farting into a jar. Matteau explained that she decided to launch,

how sick of guys, though. Seriously. That's how crazy, you think, I don't know, I could be wrong here. You know, Brad Pitt started farting into jars and women will be going crazy on them. Today, maybe. I'm a toe experienced. Excuse me, explained that she decided to launch her

butt business on a whim, blah, blah, blah, after getting requests. As luck would have it, once I put up the jars for sale, they began to sell like hotcakes. I couldn't believe my dad bought the first hundred. I honestly could not believe the demand. I think a lot of people have the, a lot of people, probably girls too, have this fetish in secret. I don't. have the, a lot of people, probably girls too, have this fetish and secret. I don't.

If I see a baby being chained at an airport, I'll run over and I'll kick the mother right in the head. I began this venture by eating mostly protein muffin shakes and also hard-boiled eggs. She said she decided to branch out a little bit and tried some new recipes to keep it exciting.

She's going to put out a book, fucking shit recipes. The natural gas manufacturer's menu also included black bean salad, onion, and ham and pepper omelets. And she's making money selling her butt. You're entitled to shit. Sure am. $200, bro.

That is it for today, ladies and gentlemen. What a show. New York City passing, literally, taking away laws. What a show. New York City passing, literally taking away laws. If you're a criminal in this country and you're not on a train or hitchhiking to New York, oh, you could stay in San Francisco again. Anyways, that is it. Don't forget thecomicsgym.com, nickdip.com, cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or a relative, go to cameo.com,

click on my profile. I'll make a video on my phone. We'll zing the person for a few seconds, minutes. It's a lot of fun. It's not like selling my farts, but it covers the light bill once in a while. That's it. You guys think it, I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow for the final day of the week. Bye. Oh, yeah guitar solo Outro Music