The Nick DiPaolo Show - NYC AG: Nothing to Bragg About | Nick Di Paolo Show #652

Episode Date: January 12, 2022

WSJ says Hillary viable candidate. Fauci caught on hot mic. Woman dumps newborn in dumpster. Blagg an idiot. Cracked wood. Harvey blasts cancel culture.

In 2022, nearly everything you see and hear is filtered. Social media companies are deleting ideas they disagree with. The mainstream media is reporting only what fits their agenda. And our so-called leaders are using them both to fight personal battles, oftentimes leveraging your livelihood and safety in the process. Just like you, I've had enough, and that's why I created this show. Here you get unfiltered and unapologetic content. I don't care if I hurt your feelings or if I take a position that isn't popular.

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Or even better, subscribe at the Comics Gym or on Patreon today and get an extra encore show each day, discounts on merchandise, and more for being a monthly subscriber. Thank you guys so much for watching, sharing, and contributing to the best show around. You guys make it happen. Thanks so much. Oh yeah, oh yeah. How are you folks?

Welcome to the big show already on a Wednesday. The week is going by very quickly. Again, this weekend, Friday and Saturday night, I'll be at the CB Live in Phoenix, Arizona. All the way to Tacoma, Philadelphia. Anyway, so come out and see me. Sure. It'll be terrific.

Anyhow, let's do it, I guess. In the N-word segment today did you see biden's dog shit speech yesterday huh did you see it dividing us pit us against each other huh if you don't agree with them on this new voting law that they're trying to pass that, you know, puts terrible constraints on minorities, like having to show an ID to prove who you are to vote. That's racist, apparently. And they're going to get rid of the filibuster if they have to, to pass it. Filibuster has been in place for hundreds of years, worked fine till these scumbags come along. So they can get this thing passed and that will, they will have federal control of the elections from here on in you're not satisfied you stole the last one now you're gonna you want to cement it so you can win every

election from here people don't fall for it don't fall for oh woe is the black and brown people it is crap and the fact that he's calling me and people think i'm being racist he's the biggest scumbag ever to sit in the white house and the assholes behind him are even bigger scumbags controlling it. That's all I got to say. Let's do the show. Well, we're waiting. I'm here. I'm here, bitch. Don't be getting all crazy on me. Oh, anyways.

God, he makes me sick. I can't believe it. This is coming out of an American president. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I just... You're literally a racist, a bigot, a white supremacist. If you don't agree with their politics. Pure, pure and out fascism. And you fucking idiots who vote Democrat for the last 30 years, you can go fuck yourself, too.

I don't know why I'm saying this to my audience who votes like me, but maybe somebody will be tuning in. No, they would never listen to a guy like me. Too many good points I'd make. Unbelievable. Anyways, let's say we get rid of him, which they're probably going to do. They're already chatting behind his back. He doesn't know. He's downstairs fucking eating strained peaches and playing Monopoly by himself

and jerking off to pictures of his dead son. He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Anyways, when I said dead son, I mean Hunter. Fucking dead from the neck up. The other one was a good guy. So who would replace this scum? Guess what? Guess what the chatter is?

That's right, the Jason of politics. The bitch that won't go away. A commentary article published in the Wall Street Journal on Tuesday makes the case that a perfect storm is brewing in the Democratic Party, including low approval numbers for fake President Biden and his douchebag Vice President Kamala Harris, as well as questions about whether Biden, now 79, will be viable to run for a second term. Is that really a question? All this creates a leadership vacuum. Speaking of vacuum, that's what you should be doing, Kamala. That and ironing. Put that in your pipe

and smell. Get your filthy Canadian. According to Douglas Schoen, this guy used to be on Fox all the time. He's a dem, but he's very fair. Founder and part of Shone, Cooperman, Reeser, a polling consulting firm whose past clients include Bill Clinton, former New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg. Clinton, we're talking about Hillary, there she is, waiting for a nice fresh load from whatever guy can make her get into the White House. load from whatever guy can make her get into the White House. Clinton's already is in an advantageous position to become the 2024 Democrat nominee. Do you believe this? Do you fucking believe this? That's not going to sit well with AOC and her whole generation because they hate this bitch too. She's an expert. That's how thin their bench is. They have nobody on the bench.

It's a division 19. She's an experienced national figure who everybody hates, who cheats and lies, who's younger than Biden by what? Fucking hour and a half and can offer a different approach from the disorganized. Let me translate that for you. Put it regular speak. She'll pretend to be a moderate too to get elected and then she'll fucking give a thumbs up to all this shit, because they're all vile lying twats. That's her looking at a penis for the first time in 20, disorganized and unpopular, the one party currently taking b-b-b-bing-bing. So yeah, the bottom line is she's mulling around in the background. That's kind of creepy.

Yeah, exactly. That was AOC. If Democrats lose control of Congress in 2022, Mrs. Clinton can use the party's loss as a basis to run for president again. Really? There's nobody else out there enabling, you know what it'll be? It'll be Bill Clinton's third term. But he looks like he's going to die any minute now. Enabling her to claim the title of change candidate. Can you imagine you people, the Democrat party who hate old white people and who have been

complaining you're in the positions you're in because you don't play hardball enough was a joke, you're in because you don't play hardball enough was a joke. But you threw her away a long time ago. You're like, get away from us. That's how thin you are as far as political talent goes, that you're looking at this wicked witch. Clinton, the wife, look at, imagine they put this in the fucking article. Clinton, the wife of former President Bill Clinton, well, hey, thanks for clearing that up, has served as a U.S. and by the way, this must have been in the Wall Street Journal. I got to teach Tommy to pick more Breitbart news, because this sounds like a glowing review of Hillary. She served as U.S. senator, secretary of state. That's when she flew around and did nothing. She just took dumps on different continents for like, and then they said she has more miles than.

She made history in 2016 when she became the first woman to represent a major party in a U.S. presidential election, also the first woman to shit the bed. However, Clinton lost that contest to a novice, a guy that was 10 times more talented, more likable than her, Donald J. Trump, who is flirting with another run himself. Let me tell you something, Hillary. You're a loser. You'll always be a loser. Shonen Stein noted that Clinton has been offering advice to fellow Democrats about how to win elections. That's who they're going to advise on how to win elections. A lady who got beat like a fucking rented mule.

Yeah, go to her. But you see, in her mind, it was stolen still. Russia was involved. Seriously, she'll bring that back too. So yeah, it's going to be King Kong, Godzilla. Remember they kept making those movies over? This is King Kong, Godzilla 2. It should be on pay-per-view on a Saturday night.

She will get stopped. And how to, well, unless they do what they did and steal the fucker. And how to win elections at a time when the party's expected to lose control of one, if not both, chambers, Congress in 2022 midterms. They cited a recent interview in which Clinton called Democrats to engage in careful thinking about what wins elections and not just in deep blue districts. In other words, this is another way of saying you're going too far left with your defunding of the police and a critical race theory. That shit's not going to fly in but, you know, nine blue cities. That's what she's trying to say. I'm not even a politician, I know that. I don't want to stick my cock right in that mouth. Not to pleasure to break or win. In deep blue district, a Democrat, a liberal Democrat, or so-called progressive

Democrat is going to win. And noted that party's House majority comes from people who win in much more difficult districts, which is true. The pair concluded, if Democrats want a fighting chance at winning the presidency in 2024, Mrs. Clinton is likely their best option. Even she finds it funny. So she's going to fly in on a broomstick and save the party, huh? Unbelievable. Do you believe her name's even in the mix? Holy moly. And nobody wants it more than Bill, because she'll be out of the house.

Holy moly. And nobody wants it more than Bill, because she'll be out of the house. He'll be banging every IHOP waitress from Westchester County to Pennsylvania. Come on, suck my dick. Come on, I gave a $400 tip for the pancakes. Dr. Anthony Fauci, let's go on to that, Mama Luke. He got burned on a hot mic yesterday, as they say. My take on this might surprise you a bit. Dr. Anthony Fauci was caught on a hot mic calling a Republican senator a moron. Right when I read that, I go, he's probably fucking right. Because I hate these fucking Republicans almost as much.

At least these douchebags on the left go, yeah, we're Marxist assholes. We hate this country. But the jerk-offs on the right pretend to defend people like us, and they do nothing. Don't show me another meeting, by the way, where you're grilling him and whoever. You're grilling that woman who wouldn't answer a question about January. Don't show me any more of that. Why do you show us those meetings? And then it goes away. Nothing changes. Stop with that shit. Next time you show us a meeting, it better be Ted Cruz. He's got somebody in a headlock.

And Jim Jordan stomping on their face with his wingtips. Otherwise, we're not interested. So anyways, on a hot mic, he called Senator Moore during a contentious Capitol Hill hearing on Tuesday. This guy's been taking a beating. How many times does he have to? I'd be like, I'm busy trying to take over the world with my viruses. What? This is what he said. What a moron. Jesus Christ. And guess what? You are correct. I hate to agree with him on this one. Fauci, you've heard saying after being questioned by Republican Senator Roger Marshall. Look at this, he's got Jimmy Johnson's hair in 1980, of Kansas about disclosing his investments to Congress, which Fauci, the highest paid federal employee in government, says he has

done for decades, which I think he's right. The reason they want to know, they want to know how much money he's got invested, you know, with Pharma and his relationship. They're trying to dig deeper in that. But we know his salary is $434,000 a year, but that's not what they're asking. But Fauci is saying it's all out there. And I think he's right, because I've read what kind of budgets he's got

and where the money, whatever. So I think I got to be honest with you. This guy is a mamalook, as they say. So I think I got to be honest with you. This guy is a mamalook, as they say. Yeah, let's take a look at the video. Senator Moran. Moran. Moron.

Oh, I'm sorry. I talked over it. Do it again, Dallas. Senator Moran. Listen. What a moron. Jesus Christ. Listen. After he kept asking Fauci the same question, Fauci's like, you're getting me. Did you hear that? Jesus Christ. We know he's godless. Anyways, Marshall, a military veteran and a physician, Jesus, really, asked yes or no,

would you be willing to submit to Congress and the public a financial disclosure that includes your past and current investments? Fauci said, I don't understand why you're asking me that question. My financial disclosure is public knowledge and has been for the last 37 years or so, 35 years. Marshall then accused big tech giants of keeping that information from the public to which Fauci said, all you have to do is ask for it. You're so misinformed. It's extraordinary. He said, I don't know nothing about that. That's what Marshall said. I don't know nothing about that. I told you, you can look for it. I don't know nothing about that. Well, I'm new in town. I don't know nothing about that.

The two continued to spar before Democrat Senator Patty Murray, a yeast infection in a pantsuit of Washington, intervened, at which point Fauci was caught on the hot mic when he said, what a fucking moron. Imagine if he went, Jesus fucking H Christ, how'd they find out I was doing this shit? Caught on a hot mic. If I could, I'd grab this microphone and I'd beat your brains out with it

because that's what you deserve. That's what you deserve. That's what Falky should have said. Oh, my God. Those hot mics can be dangerous. I was just telling Dallas when I worked for DirecTV, the minute we'd go into the studio, and I got there two hours before showtime, and there was a lot of acrimony behind the scenes between me and management and Artie, and it was not a good situation. Things were

heating up, and they turn on our mics right a fucking way, you know, and after I caught on, after about a week, I'm like, I'm not, I said, no, you're going to put that on me right before I sit down, you know. We can't, they were watching us from some remote place in California, you know, whatever the fuck. Anyways, they caught me saying some really things about our gay producer. I knew we were in trouble when our producer, and this is a true story, comes up. He goes, the Mets won. So-and-so made a hit in the bottom of the night. Made a story. It comes up. He goes, the Mets won. So-and-so made a hit in the bottom of the night.

Made a hit. Is that like making a cake? How do you make a hit? Is that two cups of flour, some cornstarch, and buttermilk, you big girl? And, of course, you know, I'm on the hot mic next week going. Anyways, let's move on, shall we, kids? What a terrific show today terrific show today hey guys i'm back on the road this weekend in case you forgot i haven't told you in three seconds jesus christ tommy it's not the biden i'm talking to uh this friday and saturday i'll be at cb live in phoenix arizona then on thursday january 27th i'll be doing this show live the podcast in raleigh north carolina

at good nights the comedy club. Get a ticket to be in the audience. It should be really fun because I have no idea how this is going to go down. The next two nights, January 28th and 29th, I'll be at Good Nights in Raleigh performing stand-up. Might as well plan to spend the whole weekend with me. Bring your pajamas and some Quaaludes and let's get down and dirty. February 3rd, Sugarloaf Performing Arts Center in Chester, New York. The next night, the 4th of February, Algonquin Arts Theater in Manasquan, New Jersey. Then the 5th, the next night, one show at

my old haunt, a Governor's Comedy Club in Leavittown, Long Island. March 25th, I'll be at Hyena's Comedy Club in Dallas. And then the 26th at Hyena's Comedy Club in Fort Worth. Andth, I'll be at Hyena's Comedy Club in Dallas, and then the 26th at Hyena's Comedy Club in Fort Worth. And lastly, I'll be in the Northeast again in April, April 7th through 9th at Comics Mohegan Sun at Uncasville, Connecticut. I'll probably try Mushrooms again if I have the same opener. Again, you can get all those tickets to these shows at nickdip.com. Look forward to seeing you out there. We do live in a filthy world. Let me tell you something, folks.

Yeah, I'm kind of a right-wing. I'm not a big religious guy, okay? You know, you get labeled when you're born. You don't pick your religion. They slap Catholic on me. You know, I went to church until about seventh grade and started making stinks every Sunday morning to the point where I'll never forget it. My mother broke a wooden spoon. She was trying to Sunday morning to the point where my, I'll never

forget it, my mother broke a wooden spoon. She was trying to hit me in the head with it, and I blocked it, and it snapped, and she tried to backhand me, and I remember I ducked, and she hit her hand on the door, the, you know, the molding around the door, and of course, I stopped belly laughing, and my brother gets all upset. Anyway, that was it. My point is, I don't even know how I feel about God. I don't even know. And you real conservatives go, what are you talking? I don't know. I need to have breakfast with somebody. He sits across from me smoking. Anyways, my point being is, all I do know is this country was founded by religious people, for religious people, and it's a big part of the government, whether you atheists want to believe it or not, Judeo-Christian values, and it seemed to work pretty good is my point.

And I think you can make the point that religion has been pushed into the dates got its out of the public square as they say I used to say that sounds kind of corny and shit and I know people give me oh the world was always Chris not if you watch viral videos and you pay attention to the news you've it jumps out at you the people don't believe in anything whether they're raping somebody or whatever. Anyways, why am I saying that? Shocking surveillance video captured a teenager tossing her newborn. At least the only good news is it was an actual woman who had the baby.

Tossing her newborn into a dumpster in New Mexico, only for the child to be found alive hours later by three people sifting through the trash. That's even sad. Nice story from the greatest country on earth. Baby in the dumpster, people looking for sandwiches in a garbage find. Unbelievable. Yeah, they found it. Kid's got tuna and coffee grounds on his head.

Alexis Avila. That's right. Have a baby you don't want, Alexis. Was seen arriving at the dumpster. Oh, I'm sorry. She found the baby. Arriving at the dumpster on... No, it's her. What am I saying?

It's her. It's a dirty whore. North Thorpe Street in Hobbs about 2 p.m. Friday. Pulling a black trash bag out of the car, tossing it into the container. Take a look at this. It's only a newborn baby. There you go. Like a bag of garbage. And then the people came along and were looking for a sandwich. I don't know what they did.

They were dumpster diving. Apparently it's a new sport. And they found the baby and here's the lady walking out with it. Thank God. There is a gun. Look at that. Jesus Christ.

Let me tell you something. I'm talking about, I'm talking to the baby. Again, the baby's a... Your mother sucks cocks and hell. Ay, ay, ay. Can you fucking imagine? See what I'm saying about religion and shit? Again, you just couldn't do that if you believed in anything other than yourself.

That's all it's about. I could, there was another story, six-year-old little black kid, cute as hell, froze to death as punishment. They gave him a cold shower and put him outside. Now, don't tell me, again, I'm not a big fucking religious freak, but don't tell me believing in something bigger than yourself wouldn't maybe help that situation. It's frightening.

So anyways, they found that baby six hours later, combing through the dumpster. It was 36 degrees. Thank God these people came along. And how hungry are they? Maybe they're looking for hats. I don't know. What are they doing in there?

Domino's leaving some crust. It was 36 degrees when the cops arrived. Upon arrival, the police rendered aid to the newborn child, and the baby was transported to a local hospital by Hobbs EMS. The baby was listed in stable condition. Police said they were able to retrieve surveillance footage, which we just watched, of Avila's vehicle. She's confessed to throwing the newborn into the dumpster. She referred to the baby as it throughout the interview. Do you see what I'm saying? When asking Alexis what she thought would eventually happen to the baby

by placing it inside of a plastic bag and dumping him, Alexis remained silent and couldn't answer. That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. An indication, Alexis, that's an indication Alexis was well aware

the baby would have died as a result, police wrote in the charging documents. There's the genius there. and who banged her a lot of desperate people in New Mexico shocking even for 2021 that is just and again if God's up there looking down he's got to be shaking his head. Can you imagine? Now, when that kid grows up, first of all, she's, by the way, she was charged with attempted murder or endangering, some serious charges. But that kid will, what, foster home, whatever the fuck. He'll get on another future criminal. Who knows? Maybe a good family will take care of him.

You know, somebody he'll adopt or whatever. But can you imagine? They're going to have to tell him, this is what almost happened to you. Those people don't come to surf through the garbage. It's 36 degrees. He's not going to last. My mother threw me when I was a newborn into a goodwill thing, but there's plenty of blankets in there. I said, she changed her mind.

She came back. My father said, oh, son, what are you doing? May your first child be a masculine child. You come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding and ask to commit murder. Leave an ass move a cup of coffee. Look how they massacred my boy. That's my Brando eyebrows. Remember he looks like,

look how they massacred my boy. More morons in the world. This show should have been called Stupid People for Stupid. Remember how I told you guys a few days ago about this new, what is he, a district attorney? Attorney General AG, right?

AG for New York. The black guy, last name Bragg. Well, he's dumb. If this guy still has a job within a month or so, I would be very surprised. But then again, it's New York. A wanted ex-con, listen to this, this made my blood curdle, allegedly stole more than $2,000 worth of merchandise by threatening a drugstore worker with a knife, yet had his armed robbery charges downgraded under the controversial progressive policies of Manhattan's new district attorney. How is that even possible? Anyways, yeah, so this is the new ag uh the move the move followed a similar case featured on the front page of sunday's post in which prosecutors reduced a felony robbery charge to a misdemeanor uh to petty larceny as per the marching orders of da alvin bragg this new idiot what is the

what i i don't even believe he believes it. I believe these people are appointed, like I said. It's so obvious they're trying to dismantle everything that made this country great and different from all the other shitholes in the country. And because he's black, he has a chip on his shoulder about the whole thing. Bragg's policies are an affront

to every law-abiding citizen in New York, fumed former Manhattan assistant district attorney Daniel Olin, who's now a defense lawyer. He said violent criminals now have a carte blanche to re-offend knowing full well they will never again sniff the inside of a jail cell. You don't have to be a fucking detective to figure that one out. New York, I don't know what you, I don't even know how anybody's still living there. Olin added, if you thought things couldn't get any worse, think again, God help us. In the latest case, career criminal William Rowland, 43, is accused of filling a plastic trash bag with cold medicine and other items inside

a Duane Reade store on the Lower East Side at around 1220 a.m. When Roland left the store at 100 Delancey Street, I know, right, without paying, a female manager confronted him and saw he was brandishing a pocket knife. Fuck you. I'm taking everything he allegedly said to the woman. Who the fuck do you think you are? I'm rolling, man.

Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck? Rolling an unidentified accomplice, then headed west with the loot, which was worth $2,209, law enforcement sources said. This is him here. You can see sharp as a tack. Roland returned to the store at 5.30 p.m. the same day. And just proving the point. We didn't have to wait for him for 24 hours. He's like, hey, fucking this is great. Same day he returned, allegedly stole more cold medicine,

some paper towels, and other items, according to the court papers. Another manager recognized Roland from the early incident, which was caught on surveillance video and called the cops, leading to his arrest. While in custody, folks, there's more. There's more to the story. While in custody at the nearby 7th Precinct headquarters, a small package of heroin, must have got that at CVS under the Twinkies, allegedly fell out of Roland's sock, according to papers. Ay, ay, ay. Cops charged Roland with first-degree robbery and criminal possession of a weapon in the first incident.

But when he was arraigned in Manhattan criminal court early Sunday morning, the robbery charge was dropped by the Manhattan DA's office. And he was instead charged with two counts of petty larceny and related low-level offenses, including second-degree menacing. I can't even, what more to, what, what do you, I mean, what do you want to say? Why are you letting these people free, these criminals, Mr. Bragg? Anybody asking that? Is it because we're black? No, this kid looks Puerto Rican. If you're a cop, you cannot charge menacing with a petty larceny. That's a robbery, a law enforcement source said. This is Police Academy 101. The move by prosecutors was in keeping with the orders outlined by Bragg in a day one memo he issued on January 3rd, his first full day fucking things up in office.

Under Bragg's directive, certain robberies of businesses ought to be prosecuted as, I keep saying petite. I know. It's petty, right? Petty larcenies provided that no victim was wounded and there's no genuine risk of physical harm. Yeah, because, you know, pulling a knife is not a, are you, what was it, a spork? What the fuck? It's done, man. We are closed.

Glenn Beck's got a book out of his promoting last night on Fox, and it scared the shit out of me, because he's right about a lot of shit. The manager who Roland allegedly threatened told cops she feared for her life and they said, what are you, a bitch? It was a knife. Not like it was a gun or a machine. And didn't want to return to work. There you go.

In the criminal complaint notes, Roland's alleged conduct placed her in fear of physical injury, serious physical injury, or death. How do you like to be a cop? How do you like to be a cop? They are literally putting your life in danger. You have to deal with these assholes anyways. It's dangerous enough. Now you're going to chase them again. You wonder why they sit in their cars

enough. He just ignored the victim, Manhattan defense lawyer Michael Desario said of Bragg. He's telling the victim, you don't deserve protection from the state. And that's exactly right. Desario, a former Bronx prosecutor, added, if this is how we're going to prosecute crime by ignoring crime, we are in trouble. Wow. Very good. Thank you, Captain Obvious. Hey, guys, take a second and go to nickdip.com and click on the store button. There you'll find official Nick Di palo show merch including the hoodie and the beanie which will keep those of you stuck in the shithole liberal northeast warm right now you'll also find mugs t-shirts all the nicka designs uh here are a few photos sent in from my fans uh this guy i forget i've seen that face before maybe at the show maybe

he sent the picture. There he is in a Let's Go brand. And you see the cops about to kick at his door on the back, if you look real hard. He's got a DiPaolo mug in his hand, filled with, I'm guessing, whiskey. It's 10 a.m. And then you've got this guy here. This is my old guidance counselor, Benny Boombatz. I like the look on the houses, don't you?

What's that? A pillowcase with a head in it on the chair behind them? And there she is. Here's the best picture of the year so far. Look at this. I hope CNN producers don't have her number. A little doll. It kind of creeps me out that I'm corrupting kids that way. Mommy, Daddy, what a cunt mean? That guy on TV, you know? The fucking

chubby-faced guinea? Again, go to nickdip.com, click on the store. Thank you guys for supporting the show. Here's a story to lighten the mood. It's called Cracked Wood. Cracked Wood. What will we be talking about?

Makeup artist. I'm already in love with her. Isabella Wolf. This is from the UK. 25. Man. She definitely isn't from the UK. She looks like a Kardashian.

Apparently she's attracted to chemotherapy patients. Jesus Christ. Last time I saw her haircut like that, I was looking through a barbed wire fence on the History Channel. Nobody's funnier than me. Fuck everybody. Anyways, that's her, 25. Absolutely drop-dead pretty.

Lives with her long-term partner. That's Rob Andrews. He must be hung like a Grecian elephant. He's 32, a car rental manager. He's definitely got a huge dick because he's definitely not having a huge wallet. Living in Liverpool, England. Isabella says, for our third anniversary,

I wonder if that's marriage anniversary or they've been dating three, rented a cabin, because this doesn't sound like the actions of a somebody who's been married, rented a cabin in the country and ordered loads of sex toys, bondage gear, and booze. I understand the toys and the booze. I don't understand the bondage. I don't get it. You're going to be in bondage if Biden gets his way with his filibuster. I had a guy when I

lived in L.A. that was into S&M. I could hear him and his girlfriend at nights. All kinds of fucking... And I talked to him at the pool one day. And he told me, I said, what do you got? And he started giggling. And he goes, there's a fine line between plain and pleasure.

And I said, yeah, I'm always confusing a blowjob with a bee sting. What the fuck are you talking about? Rob felt under pressure, this is a woman talking, to perform. Who wouldn't? Show us the rest of her. She could be 400 pounds below the weight.

To perform the whole weekend. Like he's a guitar player. So he bought some Viagra on the internet. Let me give you some advice. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial, and therefore more satisfying in a narrower way. I knew you'd like that. That's why I kept playing it. Anyways, shitload of Viagra. We cracked open the champagne, and one glass led to three bottles. Ay, ay, ay. The Viagra worked a treat, and we were having a sex marathon.

You're gonna eat lightning, and you're gonna crack thunder. His manhood must have been suffering, but I didn't notice as I was drunk, she said. Oh, yeah, you didn't notice she snapped it like a fucking coho hockey stick. I jumped on top of him. I'm getting hard reading this. And heard a crack. Oh my God. Ow.

Fucking A. Then saw lots of blood. Oh my God. Can you imagine? She broke his dick. He was in agony and thought he had broken his member, so he called an ambulance. It was mortifying.

When they arrived, in all the drama, we'd forgotten to hide all the sex toys, whips, and chains. So what? I could have died with embarrassment. At the hospital, x-rays confirmed he had fractured his penis. You ever see the cast they put on it? Fortunately,

it has recovered. This girl likes to fuck. And it's a funny story to tell our grandkids. Yeah, that's terrific. Hey, little Diane, sit on my lap. Did I tell you at a time my to tell our grandkids. Yeah, that's terrific. Hey, little Diane, sit on my lap. Did I tell you to tie my dangerous pussy snap grampy's cock in half? But don't sit on my lap too hard. Yeah, don't sit too hard. Oh, God. Just the facts, man. Oh, my God. Final story, I'm guessing. Final story of the day, Harvey Headache. Final story of the day, Harvey Headache. Steve Harvey who I kind of like. He don't like Whitey. He made that clear a long time ago. But none of them do. And I met him, he was very cordial

to me. When I worked for Chris Rock, we went to the Kings of Comedy. And anyways, he's funny as hell. I like Steve Harvey. I like his comedy. Do you understand how rich he is? He has syndicated radio shows you guys don't even know about. He's got the goddamn game shows. I mean, he's just filthy rich. And he's funny, so I don't have a problem with that. Actor, comedian, I'm just disagreeing on this. Actor, comedian, and talk show host Steve Harvey is furious at the cancel culture,

which he says has killed comedy. Well, gee, thanks. Bye, bye. And the fact that every joke now he says it hurts somebody's feelings. What did he, did he just, he worked so hard he doesn't even realize it's been going on forever. The host of the new, Judge Steve Harvey, he's a judge now on TV, not to mention Family Feud and whatever the fuck, Dancing with the Malooks. Anyways, Judge Steve Harvey series told the media Tuesday that he feels imprisoned by the cancel culture. This is Steve talking. We're in the cancel culture

now, Harvey told the Television Critics Association press tour panel, according to The Hollywood Reporter. Nobody can say anything he wants to. Chris Rock can't. Kevin Hart can't. Cedric the Entertainer can't. D.L. Hughley can't. What do they all have in common that he just mentioned? They're all black comics.

Now, he's not wrong about cancel culture and shit, but he is wrong about who he just named and who it affects more. Right? They took away the Osc who it affects more. Right? They took away the Oscars or Kevin Hart, remember, made a transphobic joke 40 years ago. They want to take the Oscars away from him or whatever the fuck, a homo joke. And then they ended up offering it to him again and he turned it down, thank God. But that's not canceling Kevin Hart. You understand? Not like if he was white.

Kevin Hart I see in every commercial. If a white guy made a gay joke, a famous white guy, just pick a famous white comedian. You think they put him in ads and he's got a serious radio thing and he's going to be in more movies? So I'm going to say this for the last fucking time. Cancel culture doesn't really affect you black people. It was invented to cancel guys like me, Colin Quinn, anybody that's semi-funny

and doesn't go along with the horse shit. He says, I can go down the list. You just did, and all those people still have careers, okay? And again, Tracy Morgan saying when his wife is pregnant, the baby's gay, I'll kill it. Yeah, that really hurt him. I can go down the list. The only person that can say what they want to say on stage is Dave Chappelle, because he's not sponsor-driven. He's a subscription. No, it's because he's black. and really funny, but he's black. And if some white comic as big as Dave Chappelle went after the trans community, well, look

at Louie and you're going to go, yeah, but he whipped his dick out. He has to fight his way back. He's putting his specials on the website. You know what I mean? Anyways, he's so talented, Louie. You know how black people are going to be twice as funny as a white guy to make money. Oh, do you see the commercial during the fucking football games where the young black kid says,

I get paid $10,000 less to doing the same job as a white guy? Do you know that's an outright fucking lie? It's probably just the fucking opposite, if anything. Anyways, let me, I digress. Harvey went on to say that his career as a stand-up is seriously hampered by the Hollywood left. Yeah, what are you going to do? You can't pick up an extra $50,000 on the weekend,

or $100,000, whatever you get. He's a work, I got to give it, he's a worker bee. He says, if I had tried to continue as a stand-up, there's no way I could maintain it. He's like a conservative guy, you know, he's old school, you know, old school, believes in church and singing and hating whitey, you know. Political correctness has killed comedy. He has, it has killed it, he added. Every joke now, and you know who he's talking about?

He's talking about white people. They're the ones who are complaining. White girls at comedy clubs storming out, even white college-age boys. Every joke now, it hurts somebody's feelings. What people don't understand about comedians is that a joke has to be about something. It has to be about somebody.

We can't write jokes about puppies all the time. What are you talking about? Half my next special is about puppies. And how funny they look when you run over them with a sit-down lawnmower. Nick, what the fuck? I don't know. The joke can't be about bushes.

I don't get that. What does that mean? A real bush. It's not like bushes. He's talking about... Like a planted bush. Like a planted bush. Yeah.

Well, I don't even know what that means. Either way, it doesn't make sense. I mean, the bush bush makes a little more sense. It can't be about bushes all the time. Some of these jokes have to be about people because that's the most interesting topic. So if I come back, I have to wait until I'm done with my TV career.

Oh, poor you. And I'm not done. Don't bother, Steve. You got the money. Enjoy it. This or something like that. Whatever. I don't even know what he's fucking talking about at the end there.

Oh, poor you. like that. Whatever. I don't even know what he's fucking talking about at the end there. Oh, poor you. I don't know, but I've been told that a woman ain't got no soul. Hey, a guy died yesterday,

Colin Flaherty, who I'm embarrassed to say I haven't really read any of his books, but he was most known for, what was it called? White Girls Bleed, I think. He write, no, all his books and stuff were about the fake victimization of black people and how people bought. He wrote about it constantly.

And he must have been brilliant because even people that lean a little left would give him, he died yesterday, of course. You know. But he, no holes barred, man. He would just, because he backed it up with facts and shit, you know but he no holes barred man he would just because he backed up with facts and shit you know

but the reason I forgot who he was because you know what they don't mention him on TV or on the mainstream media because the truth is dangerous there

ain't it you know what else is going to be dangerous at CB Live this weekend when I work off the top of my head for 40 minutes. Look at the coffee. It just sucks into my...

Fucking old man. I'm going to go home and hang myself for this fucking time. Say hi to Bob Saget for you. Kevin Hart. This is what I was supposed to do during the... Chris Rock. D.L. Ugle. Cedric the Entertainer. Say anything you want.

I know D.L. D.L. came on. I like him because he likes me. That's how I am. That's how shallow I am. He came on when we did, you know what, Tough Crowd. And during the first commercial break, he goes, dude, you are so great on the show. And I said, mind your business there, Blackie. No. He was very cool. He's a funny fuck, too. I mean, Cedric the Entertainer. I told you guys a story. I played a comedy club in St. Louis back in the 90s,

and my manager said, they want you to go back in like 10 months or whatever. And I said, it's an all-black club. He goes, what are you talking about? Turns out it was one of the improvs. Cedric the Entertainer, this is before he was famous, but he had a huge following. He was the guy opening for me. He was the feature opening for me.

He was the feature act. And I did good enough to be asked back. So that means I'm not racist. But, yes, Cedric. And I watched him. I go, this guy's going somewhere, you know. And what the hell was my point? D.L. Ugele and Cedric and Kevin Hart we love.

He used to come to the Comedy Cellar table. And he day he showed up, he sat at that table. We went, he's got all the charisma and we just started zinging each other. That was the best place. We knew he was fucking something else. And they're all really funny people is my point. But I'm just saying, Steve, they're not going to get canceled for something a white guy would get canceled for. I wish people would wake up, especially white people. Even my fans go, hey, why don't you, you know, why don't you get a, they say shit like this. Why don't you, you know what you should do? You should write a special for HBO.

Why don't you get a sitcom like with you and a black guy? You know what you should do? You should write a special for HBO. What? Why don't you get a sitcom, like with you and a black guy? And I'm like, ooh. You've been following me for how long? And you think they're going to give a white guy 60 a show? God bless you. I love you. You have faith in me more than I do.

That is it. Don't forget thecomicsgym.com. Don't forget nickdip.com. Go to the store and get some stuff. And cameo.com. If you'd like me to roast a friend or relative, somebody you like, dislike, go to cameo.com. Tell me about the person. I'll make a video on my phone roasting them. I did one from a guy in Northern Ireland, Belfast, Ireland.

His name was Mick, ironically. His kid's name was Mick. The kid says, my father's turning 60. He goes, really cool. He's an Al Pacino lookalike. Fucking Ireland? What's he hiding from Sicilians?

He's got Max Katie tattoos. If you know Max Katie, that was De Niro's character in Cape Fear. It means he's got a stripper on his forearm and shit. Anyways, they're a lot of fun to do at Cameo.com. That is it. You guys think that I will say it. You're very welcome.

We'll see you back here for the final day of the week tomorrow, right? Take care, everybody. guitar solo Thanks for watching!