The Nick DiPaolo Show - NYC: All Smoke No Fire | Nick Di Paolo Show #1412

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the NYC hellscape, Kerry's ridiculous comparison and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

🎵 You goddamn guineas really make me laugh. Well, I hope so. Speaking of guineas, Pat Cooper died. Ladies and gentlemen, you're going, well, who's Pat Cooper? A very famous stand-up comedian. I actually met him on Tough Crowd once. I was sleeping in the green room. He comes in.

This is Pat Cooper. He was a cranky old angry guinea, you know. Hey, wake up. I'm taking a nice nap. Hey, wake up. Never met. What the fuck are you doing? Start talking about comedy.

And he was absolutely right. You guys today, you know what the problem is? You fucking guys, you work for fucking nothing. You got to say no to this shit. You want to get paid? Nothing. Never met him. Didn't say hi.

Bang, boom, bang, boom. Real name, Pasquale Caputo. Wow. Brooklyn. Changed to Pat Cooper. Open for fucking Frank Sinatra in the heyday in Vegas. Angry Italian guy who got more angry as he got older. I mean, everything was, every joke had a smack in the face from his father, a kick in the ass.

And Howard Stern would have him on. He was so fucking nuts at the end. 93 years old. Had a great career, though. Was in some movies. I can't name any, but, you know. Yeah, Pat Cooper dead. Rest in peace, Pasquale.

Have you had the Pasquale over at Corleone's? Hmm. Folks, there's an Italian restaurant called Corleone's here Folks, there's an Italian restaurant called Corleone's here in Savannah. Isn't that cute? Probably is real cool, but it's probably their name. I don't know.

Is it? We don't know. I don't know. Sometimes it smells like a dirty mop, though. Is that right? Sometimes it smells like a dirty mop. Yeah, it probably has blood on it from somebody they whacked. Yeah, I think it might be after. I'm not sure if it's named after the movie.

I went to another place, Clemenza's. Let me tell you something. Real quick, NHL tonight. Trying to convince you people to watch a real sport instead of, you know what, with whistles. Last game, just I'll tease you. Maybe you'll watch it. Last game, 148 penalty minutes. A lot of them, majority were 10-minute misconducts at the end of the game to keep the guys from fighting.

You looked at somebody wrong, they'd fucking pause you. But it was that kind of game. Florida, the more they were getting beat, the angrier they were getting. And just cheap shit. I love that type of shit. I love that type of nonsense. Because it shows they give a fuck. Ka-chook. Some guy had a guy in a headlock. Ka-chook comes over all the guys in the headlock and punches him in the face. Then skates right off knowing he's gone. Oh, it's such a good sport. It's going to be a war tonight. So tune into that.

Stop watching fucking, you know what? Everybody loves Kevin. Anyhow, Pat Cooper, the bing-ding-ding, punk-funk. Real quick story, I just, before we come on the air. This is, even for black people, this is taking it to a new low. You know, I thought the low was when, like, they have a drive-by at the cemetery when gang members are burying somebody. You know how that is?

Well, this is sort of like that, only not even gang-related. This might be one of the worst ones I've ever heard. Funeral home director allegedly guns down pallbearer during burial of 10-year-old girl. Could you make that up? A Maryland funeral homeowner. Shit, I should be doing this for the second half of the show. Right?

No? All right. A Maryland funeral homeowner upset with another company allegedly shot dead of Paul Bearer during the burial of a 10-year-old girl who died how? In a drive-by shooting on Mother's Day when she was sleeping in her parents' car. Got hit with a stray bullet.

Nice country. Arianna Davis, who was shot while asleep in her family's car on May 14, later died. Was being buried at Washington National Cemetery in Suitland, I don't know, on Tuesday when gunfire erupted. Wilson Chavis, 48, of the Compassion and Serenity Funeral Home, allegedly killed, how ironic,

the shooter worked at Compassion and Serenity Funeral Home, showing you how little words mean, killed Ronald Banks, who served as a pallbearer at the funeral. As a result of a longstanding business dispute with Freeman Funeral Services. What the fuck? A woman who was Arianna's cousin suffered a leg wound in the shooting. Chavis of Maryland has been charged with first-degree...

Let me show you him. Anyways, I'm just... You guys get the gist of it. I just... Maybe I didn't get the picture of him. He looks like... I ain't got it. He looks like a homeless dude.

He looks like a homeless black man. And he's, you know, in business. Proving, once again, this is the least racist place on the planet. Anyways, that's fucking... It's getting nutty. And I didn't even pull a clip on New York Post this morning of a guy over in France, Syrian guy, looks like the map of a... looks like a poster boy for terrorists,

runs into a park with kids in France somewhere with a knife, starts stabbing the kids, stabbed a baby in a stroller, stabbed another child and two parents. I think one of the parents and two of the kids are in critical condition. But they're just asylum seekers. Yeah. No, that was my first reaction. You don't think you're going to see that shit over here?

Who do you think is pouring over the fucking border? It's just not Guatemalans and Venezuel reaction. You don't think you're going to see that shit over here? Who do you think's pouring over the fucking border? It's just not Guatemalans and Venezuelans. You understand? From over, what, 113 countries. We've already busted some on a terror list. Not busted them. We know they're here somewhere. So let that sink in, folks.

And don't act all shocked a year from now when you see all of it. Anyways, I thought I'd do the light shit up front. God, I want to go home. All right. Here's some more light shit for you. Let's get to the story. Secondhand smoke. As you know, Canada has wildfires going crazy up there,

and all the smoke is blowing this way. And it's put like 19 or 20 states under alert for bad air pollution. Here's how NBC, they, you know, I use them to introduce stories. We couldn't get rid of the fucking, you know what, the subtitles, whatever you call it, because of, you know, they put it in the link and we can't for some other, whatever. And I don't want to hear 19 excuses on how to just Just fucking read it and shut up. Go ahead. Good evening, New York's famed skyline enveloped by an eerie and dangerous pall of smoke as we come on the air tonight.

Dangerous conditions here and officially the worst air quality on the planet and the worst this city has ever recorded. The source, wildfires in eastern Canada. The smoke caught in an atmospheric trap. Right now, over 115 million people from New England to Texas are under air quality alerts. 90 million of them due to smoke. The thick smoke layer driving temperatures down, affecting air traffic and forcing the postponement of sporting events. And face masks, back in style. All postponement of sporting events. Yankees. And face masks back in style.

All right. Enough of that robot. Another one they should put to death tonight. Seems like a nice guy, but he's for 25 years spewing this fucking left-wing horse shit. The air quality in New York City was the worst in the world yesterday. That includes bathrooms at Exxon stations. that includes bathrooms at Exxon stations. After I fucking, after Dallas has that bean burrito,

as we're filling up, according to IQair.com, which I fucking study every day, a tracking service, anyways, more than 400 wildfires are burning in Canada, according to the Canadian Interagency Forest Fire Center. I don't think they would lie. They're good people, the Canadians, for the most part. They're not going to lie about something.

It's French. Fuck them. In Quebec, more than 150 forest fires were burning yesterday, with more than 110 considered out of control. What how they decide that? The FAA took steps to limit air traffic around New York City, which is amazing. Temporarily grounding flights at LaGuardia. Then again, if somebody farts, they'll ground the flight. New York City, Boston, and Philly, and the nation's capital, all expected to have unhealthy air due to wildfire smoke through Thursday.

That's today. The National Weather Service said that. Millions of people will be warned to continue limiting their exposure and remain inside. I was going to run gases with my wife in the park. Wait a minute. It's not even got us down here yet. Philadelphia and other parts of Pennsylvania were under a code red. That must be serious.

A code red. That must be serious. Nature will rob us of you. A code red. Nature will rob us of you. And, oh, God, let's hear what New York City Mayor Eric Adams, this fucking genius, he told vulnerable people to stay indoors. They said fuck off, and they threw their cane at him. Everyone else, he said, to limit their time outside as much as possible. They have been doing that because of the crime, dinkweed. Major metro areas were...

Can you imagine the fucking people that made the trek from Ecuador and shit? Those caravans on the top of trains and they fucking... They're living in a hellhole. Major metro areas were expected to experience unhealthy air quality levels for all age groups. Yeah, because we all breathe the same air, you dinks. Through Thursday, before winds shift more easterly, pushing smoke further west into the interior northeast and Ohio Valley on Friday, the National Weather Service said. It named Boston, New York, and Philly and D.C. in a forecast discussion. The Weather Service in Binghamton, New York,

that's upstate, which is the station for New York City, said conditions made some areas look like Mars, not the planet the candy bar. Nobody understood. Dinks. What? Yeah. True story. Hey, in the second half of the show, ladies and gentlemen, I will be talking about what DeSantis' wife did to be called a racist. It's outrageous. And in Arizona, the governor, Katie Hobbs, she says it's fine if you want to shoot some porn in a classroom if there's no kids around. So let's wrap our heads around that. More lefties that care so much about the children. Anyways, imagine you fucking walk in, you're a fifth grader, the floor's all sticky on Monday. The fuck's going on here? Did Billy spill his jello? No. Mrs. Martin spilled her load. Have you seen her OnlyFans page? She's

a real pig. Let's move on to a headline that I enjoy. Just an asshole. Isn't that perfect for John Kerry? Special president. This guy is the, to me, the epitome of pompous, elitist asshole. Remember when he was running for president? He showed himself, what do you call it, windsurfing and all that other shit. They don't show him being pulled out of the water after 10 minutes crying like a bitch. Special presidential envoy for climate, John Kerry, celebrated the 70...

There he is. Look at him. That's him on the right, and that's him on the weekends. He doubles as one of those presidential races. Washington Nationals. 79th anniversary of D-Day invasion of Normandy by

likening, listen to this ignorance, likening the historic event, meaning D-Day, that resulted in the death of thousands of Americans and allied service members and the eventual victory over the Nazi regime. He's comparing that to the fight against climate change. Is he not a schmuck on

wheels? And you're a piece of shit. I mean, he was in the military. You'd think he'd even know that was sensitive somehow. Remember when he got back from Nam? All the other soldiers hated him. He's a fucking rat bastard. Hi, I'm in my late hundreds.

Just threw an $11 shirt. According to a report by Recharge, what the fuck is that? Kerry made the comparison in Norway on Tuesday. He always says this shit overseas. Why is he wearing Katie Hobbs' wig? During an appearance, he looks like an ugly golden girl. During an appearance at a shipping exhibition.

The hell is that? Hey, you get tickets to the shipping exhibition? It's a bunch of guys in forklifts putting shit on a boat. In which he was the keynote speaker. He said, and I'll quote, this is him speaking, stone-faced Mama Luke, today is June 6th, the D-Day, one of the most singularly important moments of history, Kerry told those in attendance. They were fighting for a set of values.

I would, oh, right back to their values. Again, moral. Set of values, I would say to you, are just as important today as they were then. Really? Even though you're a Democrat? They put their values like shutting down the other side's free speech and shit. Yeah, okay. Letting kids finger pop each other.

Put their lives on the line to fight against fascism, tyranny, and misinformation. Oh, again, they're the fucking arbiters of what's smart information to miss them. And the savage slaughter of innocent lives. He's comparing that to climate change. Just think about that.

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Make no mistake, just as that was a fight for the future, he said, as much as anything we have ever faced, what we are seeing now is the same, he later added. How can he do this with a straight face? What a fucking insincere stone-faced monkey. Shit.

According to the report, Kerry argued that failure to address climate change could lead to greater consequences like, you know, frizzy hair, bagged sweat, greater consequences than what the world faced in 1944, you know, when the German leader Adolf Hitler controlled much of Europe. So, you know, the temperature's kicking up into the high 90s for a month. That's the same as slaughtering 6 million Jews. You know what I mean? Good analogy, fuckface. Here he is when somebody, some Jew yelled from the crowd, shut up! That's a sign of assholism to the fucking

this look, you know. Look at me. I'm studious. He's a dink. The report said that, hey, dink was a derogatory word for like a, you know, Asian, for Koreans, or I can't remember, Japs or Chinks, or Chinese. Remember they called them dinks. I think it was in Vietnam. I call them dinks.

I think it was in Vietnam. The report said that Kerry faulted modern, modern, excuse me, generations for not acting decisively to address climate change. Yeah, we've done nothing. Something, by the way, the air here is, you know, better than anywhere else in the world.

They don't bother China or India who are building, you know, fucking coal plants every other, literally every other day. Or the other Middle Eastern countries to burn millions of tires. Yes. I don't know if you guys saw that yesterday. I can't remember if I saw it on TV or online, I think.

And it wasn't Pakistan. It was one of those shit stand countries. Burnt 42 million tires. It was black plume of smoke. They said you could see it from a satellite from way above Earth. 42 million times. And they listed the chemicals in the tires. It got a little mention.

I don't know. Anyways, something he argued the generation who took on the Axis powers in World War II rose to the occasion to do. But we're not. This is the fight of our times. A fight against greed, selfishness, disinformation, again, the arbiter of the truth, and a fight for that cleaner, healthier, and more prosperous and safer world. They do all this under the guise of safer, security. That's when you know you're getting fucking bullshitted. All right? As soon as you see those words, your radar should go up. It's sickening. This is all about power in the end, folks. That's

all it is. Look at him. What a handsome bastard. No, no, no, no! In our FLA segment tonight, that's fucking lunatic asylum, Florida, Dr. Marvin Dunn, which doctor? Nick, that's racist. I know. Who describes himself on Twitter as a historian, author and progressive Democrat. Why don't you just call yourself a douchebag? And where are the white women at? Has accused Florida First Lady Casey DeSantis of racism because she wore a jacket emblazoned with a design feature on the back, an alligator and an outline of the Sunshine State. Here is the witch doctor's tweet. In a recent piece titled,

Katie DeSantis is the Walmart of Melania. Okay, I'll read it. I'll try to read it. Here you go. Casey DeSantis, this is from Dr. Marvin Dunn. Casey DeSantis, Florida's first lady, makes a racist fashion statement. Black babies as alligator bait

was a theme in racist Florida humor of the early 1900s. It's an inside joke. If you are not from Florida, you may not get it. She does. Do you? I do now. Shouldn't have told me that one.

I got a new five minutes next time I go to fucking Uncle Funny's in Florida. Joke's on you, you mama Luke. Anyways, I'm going to finish the rest of this story. If you guys want it, you know what I'm saying? The people on Mug Club are going to stick around for the second half of this show. Everyone else, go to

nickdopalo.com and nickdopalo show.com. God help me. And join to get my full show and Crowder's show and a whole lot more. And click on my tour dates if and Crowder's show and a whole lot more. And click on my tour dates if you want to see where I'm going to be. guitar solo Outro Music