The Nick DiPaolo Show - NYC Bodega Welcomes Trump | Nick Di Paolo Show #1556

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Trump for the people, Crosses at Disney and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Mr. DePaulo, no one could be as nasty as you pretend to be unless they really wanted to be disliked. Who says I'm pretending, Bob? Maybe I come from a long line of nasty guinea. Even though I'm one more percent Irish, they told me. I'm not buying that shit. If you stick that fucking Ancestry.com up your mother's English

box, no need to talk like that at the top of the show. But I did. It's my show, supposedly the internet. Anyways, how are you, folks? Thursday. That means the end of the work week for me in Dallas. And then we go moonlight as Uber.

Uber drivers and fucking... Could you imagine us as Uber drivers? That would be content cold. It's true. Why don't we go out for a while? Can we ride shotgun with Gianna? That would be funny. We could be playing with the food in the back,

spitting in it like you know who does to you know who. Why am I saying you know who? Seen some horror stories, man. Yeah, sometimes it looks good. I know I got to fly to fucking Yuck Yucks in Buffalo. I go, I don't know. What's that one that delivers? Good Eats or whatever the fuck it's called?

Good Eats. Good Eats. Anyways, yeah, welcome. Real quick off the top, flipping through the internet, this football player, University of Albany, A.J. Simon. I know he's good because when I'm watching big schools and then I see these shows on ESPN once in a while when I watch it once every 10 years about the draft,

during the football season, they'd show a clip of this kid from Albany making tackles and leading that conference and sacks and all this shit. 25 years old. I guess he blew him away at the pro day. He bench pressed 225 34 times. He's 6'1", like 250 or 260,

and ran a 459. And, I mean, just everything. Then I watched clips of him, because I like to do research on the stories I like. Just a terror. Just a friggin' terror. They were triple teaming him in one clip. He's driving all three guys back,

like Mark Brevauer did when he played in high school with me. He was a defensive end. He would drive the whole line back into the quarterback. And this kid was chasing guys down. Anyways, he's dead. He died yesterday at 25. Cause? Unknown.

Which means cause? Known. Again, I don't have any proof, but I'll throw it out there. I'm going vaccine shot. Could be wrong. Doubt it. Because again, even if I'm wrong, we read about these, how many a year? 15? 10 to 15? More than that? With the ones we miss? Soccer soccer players in europe girls in high school over here dropping dead gymnasts basketball players and uh of course if you say that uh in the new york post in the comments people come hey oh put on your tinfoil hat you're like people don't die fucking people are so stupid what the hell was that i remember that story we did that long ago about uh yes the big wave that potentially could remember that story we did long ago about the big

wave that potentially could come in a couple years. I was trying to remember the guy's name. That would involve me looking it up. But yes, the expert on mRNA, was it Malone? No, it wasn't Malone. I don't know who it was. But an expert, a guy who's predicted all this shit. He predicted the mass would be a disaster

for this reason, that. All the stuff ahead of time. He's been right every freaking time. He said coming down the pike in a year or two or a couple of years, it's going to be people dropping dead everywhere. And they're not going to be able to hide why. That was the gist of his story. So don't when somebody says something like this, folks, again, I'm preaching to the choir. You guys probably agree with us on this. preaching to the choir, you guys probably agree with us on this. But I mean, if you just read the news every day and see the phrase cause of death unknown, I was asking that fucking the last

two years. I was so dumb. I wasn't even thinking it was vaccine related first. You know, they would say, I have no idea. I'm like, why don't they let us know how people die? Oh, yeah. So I'm very... Anyways, if you guys had the vaccine, what I'm saying is sleep tight. Horrible. And other sports news real quick. Put the Sox

hat on because they looked like a pro team last night. Tanner Houck threw a... Get this. For you baseball fans, you'll get it. It was a big deal. Nine inning shutout. All nine he went. And three hit shutout against the Guardians.

And I'm thinking, yeah, the Guardians, they had the best record in baseball going into last night. And the Sox played defense. They turned a couple nice double plays. And it's amazing. And their pitching, remember I was bragging about their pitching? They put up stats in like three categories, their first, third, and fourth, like in the American League.

So I'm sure you're excited if you live, again, within 10 feet of Fenway. The rest of you are like, will you get on with the fucking libs and the fags and the blacks? Blacks! Blacks! Blacks. Blacks.

Kiss my ass. Oh, that was Shaq. Anyhow, any he. Let's move on to the show. Oh, why do you turn this on? Dude, you can't tell. My brain's not rotting away. There's no fucking way.

Man of the people. What does that mean? Trump visited an upper Manhattan bodattan bodega tuesday evening after spending hours in downtown new york city courtroom first of all could biden even do that he'd fall asleep in the court that's the funny thing they said they caught trump sleeping the other day and yeah he's got no energy you think he might have fucking nodded for a second even if he did because he stays up till all hours of the night. He's only campaigning and having to do this constant private bullshit.

And having the world on his back, that's right. Anyways, after spending hours in a downtown New York City courtroom for the second day of his criminal trial, stemming from charges brought against him by Manhattan District Attorney Fat Fuck Alvin Racist Bragg. But they broke out the, this is like the red carpet.

The bodega, by the way, this is the bodega. Remember? Was it a year ago or so? I don't know. Remember the fucking black kid went behind the counter and grabbed the Hispanic old guy in like his 70s and the Hispanic guy stabbed him to death? Remember that? And they threw the guy in Rikers and he then Brad got so much fucking heat that he obviously let the guy, you know, was not charged eventually.

And it's all on tape. This is the bodega, I think, that he. Anyways, here you go. USA! USA! USA! USA! I am your voice Just going in for a pack of smokes Nice to see you Nice to see you

Good, everything good? One more year One more year One more year Four more years! Four more years! Four more years! Does he look, gee, does he look, look at he can walk. Picture Biden trying to even do that. Oh, my God. That's New York City, by the way, folks. It's not staged. That must make them shit their pants. By the way, the guy, the old Dominican guy who stabbed the thug was in the Dominican Republic, I think. So he wasn't there for that.

But anyway, Trump blasted the trial and charges against him saying it's rigged all politics and coming out of the Biden White House, he said. It makes me campaign locally. And that's OK, he says. We're doing better now than we've ever done. So I think it's having a reverse effect. He makes it nice and clear for the layman. That's the other thing that Reagan was a great communicator. You could understand him.

He knew how to talk to us three times. We're going to come in number one. What's he in the NFL now, draft? You have to stop crime. And he says, number one, you have to stop crime and we're going to let the police do their job. They have to be given back their authority. The bodega Trump visited became known as the Jose Alba Bodega after the July 2022. That was 2022 already. Bragg charged Alba with the second degree murder. Alba, while working at the bodega,

was attacked behind the counter by Austin Simon. Ooh, I just mentioned a guy named Simon. What the fuck? Who was seen on surveillance video first coming behind the cashier's desk and attacking him. Despite claiming self-defense, Alba was sent to Rikers Island prison

and initially given a $250,000 bail. How the fuck, how the fuck does this guy Bragg get away with this shit? Bragg's office at the time of the prosecution faced widespread condemnation for bringing charges against Alba and eventually dropped him

as the footage strongly suggested that Alba grabbed a knife and fatally stabbed his assailant only after he'd been attacked first. It all started with his girlfriend. His girlfriend came in with her son or her daughter. I forget. I think it was her daughter.

And the daughter had a bag of chips, and the mother said, I can't pay for it. So she says Al grabbed it out of the girl's hand aggressively. And then she goes out and tells her thug boyfriend, who had just got out of jail, and comes in and thought he was going to, you know, he picked the wrong bodega. But how about Alvin Bragg? Fucking guy couldn't be objective to save his life. Hey, the second half of the show, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Republicans get played again. That's me talking too loud. Republicans get played again by the Democrats. It's the perfect, my analogy of the Washington generals traveling with the Globetrotters,

this is a perfect example of it. Ted Cruz, you're an embarrassment. I know you're super smart because Dershowitz said so, but you're being played. I believe he's part of the, I swear to fucking God. And I don't trust that Mike Johnson either, the new house speaker. Don't fucking trust him. Also, somebody found an old reel when LeBron James,

you remember the Knicks were trying to, I'm not a basketball fan, but I do remember this. They were trying to lure LeBron James to New York City to play for the Knicks. They put a reel together with celebrity and some of the Sopranos people were in it. So it's pretty cool. I think you'll like that. That's all exclusively, by the way, on Mug Club. So how do you get in Mug Club? You go to nickdip.com. Coffee, cigarettes, fucking hillbilly teeth. Anyhow, nickdip.com and that's how you get it. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show

and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Let's move on, shall we? Snow White and the Twelve Disciples. Should have been an I in there. Life-size Stations of the Cross. Do you guys know what the Stations of the Cross? We had to do, Dallas, did you do those as a kid? You had to go to the sting? Wait a minute, I don't even know if you're Catholic. What are you? Huh?

Not Catholic. I was raised in the deep south. Nope, not even. Church of Christ was how I was brought up. See, I don't understand the denominations. I don't either. I'm glad you said that. I know, Church of Christ, you know, so, okay, I'm Catholic. We all have a different Christ. I know Church of Christ, you know, so okay I'm Catholic, we

don't, we all have a different Christ, I don't get it. Anyway, we had, when we were, they did the Stations of the Cross when I was like sixth grade, they do it like at two in the afternoon, you had to go up there with the priest who's eyeing your ass, thinking about taking you to the Celtics game with your brother. That really happened. But you go to each stained glass window, and it tells a story, whatever. And anyhow, that's what that is. Life-size stations of the cross to be built

right outside Disney World in Orlando to convert and inspire Christianity. Yeah, that won't cause any mayhem, will it? Or as Pauly Walnut said, mayhem. Is that a ham you buy in May? It's exactly what it is. It's exactly what it is. Too bad, you know, we have ham on Easter,

which is at the end of April. He goes, hey, it's fucking total mayhem. Thank you. Catholic artist Timothy P. Schmalz. Sounds Jewish, probably German. Has labored for years. So he thinks he's like, you know who? Michelangelo, when he's German.

I don't know. Has labored for years on a series of life-size bronze sculptures of the Stations of the Cross. 14 represent a, you know what? You're a little behind technology. You could have done this like in holograms. That way they can't pull them down or spray paint them and you just put them up real quick.

Anyways, 14 representations of Christ's journey from the red roof in where there was no room to the fucking Marriott in Tel Aviv. What? For his condemnation to his death and burial. I am like God and God like me.

I haven't heard this in a while. I am as large as God. He is as small as I. He cannot above me nor I. Beneath him be. Salacious 17th century. Cape Fear with De Niro. You're gonna fucking love it.

Creepy. Schmaltz, who previously created sculptures for St. Peter's Square, there he is finishing a chocolate ice cream cone with the Dairy Queen. Putting the finishing touches. Complete with a fetus in a bowl. Yes, do you see the fetus? Those are jimmies or sprinkles. We call them

jimmies in New England. People call those sprinkles. Look at the little baby in the bowl. What kind of salad we having, Billy? You know, the tri-semester Caesars. Schmaltz, who previously created sculptures for St. Peter's Square at the Vatican, so he's good.

St. Michael's College at the University of Toronto. And for Catholic University of America. Is that even allowed? Recently told the Catholic News Agency that he had gas. That the stations, some 30 feet wide. And others as high as 14 feet, 14 years he's been working on, will be installed later this year. This is just, this is going to be, I can't wait to see how they report this on MSNBC.

He has, after all, completed his creative, well, Nick, why are you saying, well, because, I don't know, I associate Disney with a bunch of Jewish executives. I don't know why. I know the original Walt Disney was supposedly a Nazi or whatever, but that changed a long time ago. Completed his creative clay sculpting for the project, meaning they need only to be cast in bronze at a specialized foundry to be ready for the installation. It's a bowling place, bowling trophy play, right up the street here.

That's, look at that though. That's fucking beautiful. The stations will be planted in the Gospel Gardens at the 2,000 seat Basilica of Our Lady. I'm playing there in August. Queen of the Universe, which was granted minor basilica status in 2009 by Pope Benedict XVI. He was a good one. He ran a 4-5-40. The Diocese of Orlando originally broke ground on

the current location with the intention of serving the multitudes of Catholics who would venture to Disney World in Lake Buena Vista. So they use it as a magnet. They know zillions of people. It's like the Wailing Wall. I hope to rival Universal Studios, Walt Disney. This is a weird story. This is a religious guy talking about, yeah, I want to beat out DreamWorks. I hope to rival Universal Studios, Walt Disney, and every other feature in Orlando by creating

what has never been done before for a reason, and that is one of the biggest, most complex stations of the cross, Schmaltz said of the endeavor in 2022. Aren't they going to spray paint it and blow it up? It's right in the center, he says, of a place, this is what I love about it, that desperately needs a spiritual Catholic oasis. It's true, because we did stories this year about people taking dumps while they're waiting in line, remember? Not to mention pedophiles working dressed up, you know, like Donald Duck grabbing, he

told the CNA, stressing the importance of bringing the gospel to where the people are. Okay, well try, I don't know. It's got to be a safe place. Schmaltz hopes the works will serve as tools to convert and inspire Christianity. So once you convert, then you can get on the fucking tilt the world and throw up cotton candy and have your funnel cakes. You can get on the fucking Tilt the World and throw up cotton candy and have your funnel cakes. The nearby theme park, he's going to be, you know, they're going to be doing, what do you

call it, you dunk them in the water, they're baptizing? Yeah, they're using Mountain Dew. The nearby theme park may serve as a force multiplier, granted that nearly 60 million people go there. He's going where the,... Well, it's like you-know-who. I don't forget the guy's name when they asked him, why do you rob banks? That's where the money is.

Who said that? I think it was a kid named Latavius Jones out of Atlanta. Second pick in the draft in 1991 for the Celtics. Cocaina. Hey, ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls, for those of you that are on Mug Club right now, you've got to stick around for the second half of the show. You've got to. It's Thursday. What are you going to do? Everyone else, go to nickdip.com. Join to get my full show, the great Steven Crowder's full show, Alex Jones on Fridays,

Brian, very funny Brian Callen show, the Hodge twins who are excellent, and that undercover team that does, and again, it's made up of former people who worked for O'Keefe at Project Veritas. And he just broke another big story, by the way. I can't remember what it is because, again, I woke up five to piss this morning. Laid there until about quarter of seven. Almost started crying. This has to stop. I can't keep taking Advil PM because it'll rot your brain out.

I just fucking know it. I know I'm going to be in a diaper in about two years. Anyways. Yeah, so do that. And while you're at nickdip.com, again, click on my tour date button. You'll see May 1st. By the way, dream again last night. I'm at a comedy club. It's empty. It's Sunday morning. I'm there with the owner and his son trying to get to another club. I got to do a show that night that's seven hours away in my car. And I keep forgetting shit. I get on the highway and I keep turning around. I've been having that type of dream now since I stopped doing stand-up.

So there's something to be said for that. It's fucking, I'm not one of these guys that I've been saying it, I don't have to be on stage every night. I never was, even when I loved it. And fucking, there's some people, it's their whole identity, it's their social life. Not me, I got whores everywhere.

Listen, what? No. I just, you know, I'm not all that shit. But when you're only good at one thing in life and you get away from it, you do feel kind of like, oh my God, I'm going to get out there soon. See, what I'm saying is you guys are in for a treat at Sidespliz. I don't know

what's coming. Somebody's going to be buried in rust in the front row. I got nothing. Let's go on. We got two more. We got what? Two more shows from the pusher. Oh, jeez.

You see what I'm saying? Thank you. I appreciate that. Did I mention the first ones? One and two at Sidesplitters. And then May 10th, two shows at Soul Joel's Comedy Club. Great gig. It's actually like outside.

The people sit in the sand. That's in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. I think they have an indoor one. Somebody told me to. I don't know. And then the next night is the big one for me. My return to the great state of New Jersey. We get along beautifully.

We always have. Anytime I leave, you know, any further west than Chicago, they think I'm from New Jersey. We get along beautifully. We always have. Anytime I leave any further west than Chicago, they think I'm from New Jersey. May 11th, Count Basie Theater. Please, folks, if you could make one of my shows. If you're a fan of mine for years, I've been around a long time, and you haven't, and you're like, you know what? Fuck it.

Let's go see him because, again, we can see his brain is rotten on his own show. May 11th, Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. There'll be a famous couple there. I won't mention it, but they've already, they'll be there. Hi, good night everybody. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down

Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't want to be destroyed like everybody else

And I don't want to get a job like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else