The Nick DiPaolo Show - Partial Win For Trump in GA | Nick Di Paolo Show #1541

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Willis' idiocy, Commie Canada and much more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 You goddamn guineas really make me laugh. I take your brother in when you're having a... The Corleone family don't have muscle like that anymore the Don's being pushed out how are you folks welcome to the filthy show it's Thursday that means it's almost over for me in Dallas and then we go to our duplex we bought in Tehran for the weekend

spoon whoops nice to be with you I don't know what the fuck I can tell you slept good last night, took a pill. Advil PM's become my best friend. Thing is, they tell you to take two. If I took, and I used to take two years ago

when we were living in New York. But, uh, you know, I'd wake up four days from then. And my wife would be spooning with Terrell Suggs. What? Another spoon joke, Nick? What the fuck are you doing? with Terrell Suggs. What? Another spoon joke, Nick? The fuck are you doing? Another Terrell Suggs reference, Nick? Well, that's go-to, Dally. I don't know if you're new to the show. That's never going away.

That's her favorite man. He's the scariest black dude ever. He's fine. I'm sorry. He's scarier than Ray Lewis in my opinion. And if I was starting a team, I'd take both those guys. Yeah, but they thought, I know, it's the NFL. What do you want, choir boys?

Fuck that, fuck that shit. So, what I was doing, I watched about three episodes of Sopranos, goddamn Vince, Curatola, no, McMahon, Nick. Yes, so goddamn good. So good on that show. Anyways, let's play a clip of, this is one of the episodes a couple nights ago

that makes me belly laugh, even though I've seen it 20 times. Just sort of Sopranos version of Christmas. Go ahead. You want to play Santa Claus at the party this year? Nah, I can't do that. Yes, you can. I can't.

Why not? I'm shy. The boss and his family told you you were going to be Santa Claus. You're Santa Claus. So shut the fuck up about it. Come on, single file over here. Come on. It would kill him to say ho, ho, ho.

You were just here. I was not. Yeah, you were. You were on my lap five minutes ago. No, I wasn't. Yes, you were. Now you're going on Santa's list and you're getting nothing. Fuck you, Santa.

Christmas at the DePaulo's. Oh, my God. That only got funnier, that fucking scene. First of all, the music, I don't think the music was... I don't think it was in the scene, but they put it in there so you can't get, so it's different, right? Copyright wise.

Is that the deal? Yeah. Why would you pick that fucking song? Maybe it wasn't a scene in the background. I don't think so though. Yeah. Pick that fucking dance tune. How fucking,

like Louie said about that girl in, fucking, you know what, Schindler's List, a little girl yelling, get out of here. There's a whole fucking tape of those little kids auditioning for that. How great when they said it's you, kid. It'd be so funny to see a compilation of that. Oh, my God. How about getting a phone call when you're that kid? You're in like, what, second grade?

You're telling all your friends, check me out on Soprano and tell Santa to go fuck. Show's funnier than any. Oh, I can't. Sorry, folks. I'm obsessed. All right. I have no idea since I fucked up the intro eight times

where we are, but let's get on with it. My instincts. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. See, you can tell I took a pill last night. I haven't even turned this fucking thing on yet. Oh my God. It really scrambles your brain. I'm going to be in a diaper earlier than expected. I really feel that way. All right. First story. Let's get to it. Oh, we did. Shut up and make me a sandwich, ladies and gentlemen. The judge who threw out three criminal charges against former President Donald Trump in Georgia yesterday did so because district

attorney, fat black Fannie Willis, who's incompetent and proves why we got rid of affirmative action, did not specify the felonies. She said he was asking public officials to commit. She wasn't specific about the crime because, you know, she's a hack. When Willis charged Trump and 18 co-defendants, three of the counts involved allegations of solicitation of violation of oath by a public officer. It was among the milder charges with a maximum sentence of up to three years. The relevant section of the Georgia Criminal Code requires that the solicitation be to commit a felony. The problem, the original indictment is rather vague about what, in fact, that felony is.

You know, you got to kind of get specific when you're charging somebody to put them in jail. You dinkweed. Dinkweed? You heard me. Look at her. Slap her across the face and sleep like a baby. Willis, I'm kidding. She seems like a nice lady.

Slap her across the face and sleep like a baby. Willis, I'm kidding. She seems like a nice lady. Willis, like other Democrats and members of the pundit class, are convinced that Trump's effort to contest the election results was an assault on democracy. What the, let me ask you a question. What do people who vote Democrat not consider an assault or an attack? Go the fuck away from me, please.

That's the Advil PM talking. Yeah, they consider an assault on democracy and the Constitution. You fat nasty brat. Exactly. What? Irony. Irony? Oh.

Is that her sister? That's how most people spell it, Irene. They put Ira-nee. But those are opinions, not specific allegations of crimes, as Judge Scott McAfee of the Superior Court of Fulton County, there he is, Casper, wrote in his order dismissing the solicitation charges. I guess there's still more he can be charged with. The court's concern is less that the state has failed to allege sufficient conduct of the defendants.

In fact, it has alleged an abundance. However, the lack of detail concerning an essential legal element is, in the undersigned's opinion, fatal. As written, that means he does, you know, she wasn't specific enough. That's what he said. As written, these counts contain all the essential elements of the crimes, but fail to allege sufficient detail

regarding the nature of the commission, i.e. the underlying felony solicited. It's not enough to go in with broad, vague terms. You're not working for MSNBC. they do not give the defendants enough information to prepare their defense intelligently as the defendants could have violated the constitutions and thus the statute in dozens if not hundreds of distinct ways the judge said you fucking whore yeah that's it go home get my dinner ready boy I'd love to say that to her face anyways she'd eat the dinner here is Jonathan Turley a great lawyer who appears on all the channels that's why

you know a Georgetown here he is talking about what I sort of explained to you but only better go ahead ahead, Turley. These six counts include counts related to the January 2nd, 2021 call that Trump had with Georgia officials. And that call has produced a great deal of debate among many of us as to what the president meant and whether it's a viable basis for criminal charge. They're talking about when he said, fine me 11,000 more votes. Yeah. Pretty vague.

He was being vague. He was being vague. He didn't say, that doesn't mean do it illegally or whatever. I mean, I knew that the minute

I heard it. Not because I'm a Trump fan, because I'm an adult. Yeah, exactly. You think he's the first politician to say that to one of his guys? Fine me 5,5 more balls.

Because these things can go on forever, thanks to where the Democrats are. It's easy to say, hey, hit the streets, get him out, get him out. You know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. So go ahead, Turley. What the court is saying is that you, in putting together this indictment, you went ahead and stated the crimes, but you really didn't explain in detail how Trump committed those crimes or these other defendants. And the court is saying when you, in doing that, you didn't give them notice for them to be able to put on a defense. He's absolutely right in that respect. I mean, it was one of the objections that many of us

have made to the indictment is that it's very loosely held together. I think it was a poorly crafted indictment. That doesn't mean that they can't come back and try to revive those counts, but that's going to cause a delay. All right. And it'll fuck up the timeline for them because they want to get this done soon, you see.

But you can't... Did you get that, what he said? You can't, if you're on the defense, how can you put up a defense when you don't know what you're being specifically charged with? That's basically what he said. How do I know? I went to law school. It's called DeVry, but it's a law school, but there's, I learned a lot

about air conditioning and back, e-back. I just said e-back because everything's e-mail, e-commerce, e-back. Anyways, Turley, thank you very much. Yeah, that's him. Hey, guys, in the second half of the show, I'll be talking about a few stories you might want to stay tuned for. I'll be talking about a few stories you might want to stay tuned for. Another innocent woman victimized by Joe Biden's policies in a violent act by illegals.

Also, another thing ruined by them. Who's them, Nick? I'll let you figure it out. All that and more coming up at 6. It has to do with the spring break. It's exclusively on Mug Club, by the way. And you can only get that by going to nickdip.com. Well, you can get it other ways.

But go to nickdip.com and sign up for Mug Club. Could you please? You'll love it. You'll thank me. You'll blow me. Oh, I just plugged my ears. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time.

You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Wow. Let's move on, shall we? We shall.

What's next up on the docket? Oh, Tradush. You like my Justin Tradush? And hate is the headline. This one, even for Canada, even for the times we're living in, is I think a watershed moment, and don't think it's not going to happen here. Probably get the fucking idea from it. Trudeau's Canada threatens, get this, life sentences for hate speech.

Did you hear what I, there he is. Isn't he putable? I suck cock. Do you ever. And I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Thanks for connecting the dots. Trudeau's Canada threatens a life sentence. This is not satire.

This is real life 1984. Proposed bill C-6 says, this is in Canada, everyone who commits an offense under this act is guilty of an indictable offense and liable to imprisonment for life. Let that sink in. Let that sink the fuck in. That's not going to happen. I'm sorry. I think it's about time.

1984 hits 2024. And some shit hits the fan. Here he is, Mr. Orwell himself. They've hated this guy since day one, by the way. Mr. Blackface is telling you, if you say something hateful, you know, like a racial slur. And of course, they'll define what's hateful. That's the point. That is exactly right. They will design. It gets worse. The new bill bribes citizens to snitch on their fellow Canadians.

That's the sign of a theater major and a big girl. Stalin called. He wants his communism back. Hey, that's my wacky sidekick. Throwing you a zing zangler. That's exactly right. Why doesn't somebody say that? Well, he does.

He knows. He's like, anyways, it, C-6 bill, allows someone to make a complaint of discrimination anonymously. Anonymously. So you could probably do it on X

or whatever the fuck and they'll investigate. Yeah, exactly. If that hateful complaint is found legit, and again, they'll decide, right? Again, saying he's an asshole will be considered hate or whatever. A maximum of 20,000 Canadian dollars, that's 160,000 American, goes to that person, the person who rats you out. He's a girl. Because in this country, snitches get bitches and stitches.

And all kinds of clitches. What am I saying? I think that was my yearbook quote. Under the picture in high school. I think this can happen. Similar legislation to define and crack down on in-person and online hate is being pushed across all of Europe, basically, right now. That's faggot stuff. Well, it's Europe.

You want to call it by its name, that's strictly for fags. You got that right. Justin recently in Belgium. I should say, I said Justin. Just recently. Advil. Imagine me on fucking fentanyl. Christopher last night smoked some fucking heroin.

And he's like nodding off. And Tony calls and goes, it's like he's at his apartment at like 11 o'clock at night. Tony goes, meet me at the so-and-so. He's like. Michael Imperioli great fucking actor just recently in Belgium former Flemish parliamentarian

Dries van Langenhove look at that smug cocksucker if you had to draw a guy from Europe an elitist jerk off parliamentarian Dries van Langenhove was sentenced to one year in prison the reason for this sentence was for sharing supposed... Oh, he's sure...

I like this guy, I'm shitting on him. He supposedly shared a racist meme in a private group chat and they put him in jail for a year? Fuck your mother! Now I love him. He's sitting there like, yeah, I did it. I said the Canadians stink. Probably what it was. I guess we got a video here. It actually defines hatred. So you have a human emotion now that's trying to be legislated.

Right. He just hit it on the head there. Hate, which is a human emotion. They're trying to legislate. emotion. They're trying to legislate. It's like Bill Clinton when he was in office. I don't think it got formalized when he was in office, but he brought up the, you know, hate crime. You're in my head telling me why I punch somebody in the face. And somebody made a great point. It's like if you got in a car accident, right, with some guy, you get out and you beat the fuck out of that guy, turns out to be gay, you'd go to fucking jail for a hate crime. Anyways, go ahead. ...controlled by the government. It says hatred means the emotion that involves detestation or vilification and that is stronger than disdain or dislike.

So, you know... Yeah. Yeah. There's plenty of room to interpret that, isn't there? The arrogance on these fuckers. Again, we're watching it. You see how Stalin came to power and all these jerk-offs? Because nobody's standing up to it.

And again, I'm too old. I had two shoulder operations. You guys, get on it, will you? I'm going to watch American Idol on Monday. Or whatever the fuck. Anyhow, that's in Canada. And they hate that mother... I mean, the fuck. Anyhow, that's in Canada. And they hate that mother. I mean, the day he got elected, they hated him.

You know, he's such a hypocrite. We got him with the black face, right? What else did we catch? Oh, during the COVID thing, he was fucking, you know, out there screaming at everybody. And just, nobody likes him. And the trucker movement that happened. The trucker movement.

Thank you. That's what I was trying to think of. He was going to go after their bank accounts, people's bank accounts, who donated to the trucker movement. Remember that? The guy's a fascist fag. Okay, maybe he likes girls.

I'd rather hang out. Again, I'd rather hang out with a bunch of gay guys. They're a lot of fun. Fascists ain lot of fun. Fascists ain't that fun. You guys missed some of the best shit when I was at Comedy Central. I had a show for a minute. We shot the pilot.

And the guys that shot it, matter of fact, they were Canadian. It was a company from Canada. They were great. They loved my, they knew what I was about. Border, I think it was called Border Productions. They had me debate a stripper, a feminist stripper. I went to fucking dinner, a breakfast with Al Sharpton. You're going to tell me that wasn't gold? Do you understand it never

saw the fucking light of day? And it was brilliant. It was so goddamn funny. I went to a gay piano bar in the village in New York. I'm sitting next to a guy playing Joe Dunes. And all I could think of was

this is really how most people feel about race and gender. We don't have a problem with it, but when you get in groups and start wearing armbands, like George Carlin said. You fall into echo chambers and social media fucked all that up.

Will you say something funny, goddammit? You're my sidekick. I don't need the serious shit. No, you're right, though. George Carlin said that. Why don't you start getting in groups and wearing armbands and shit, you know? But people haven't had enough of it, Dallas. Like Gutfeld's monologue tonight, and I'm supposed to give it away,

but, you know, the guy that wrote it, or he might have wrote it, I don't know. But it's all about the Democrats are hemorrhaging black and brown male voters because, and I've been saying this forever. This is why I should be a trillionaire. I've been having this debate with Colin Quinn, and he usually smokes me eight out of ten times. But the one thing I said, I said, it's about feminism. You know, he's about race. And I said, it's feminism. They're driving it.

They are worse than the race fucking thing. And that's what the whole thing's about. The Dems are so anti-man and so the voice of, you know, white housewives in the suburbs. And black and brown guys like we've had enough of this shit. You can say whatever the fuck you want, but we're guys first. Between Dylan Mulvaney and all that,

I mean, they've had enough. We shall see though, shouldn't we? All right, so what? I digressed. Throw a little op-ed in there. Ah! Crap. Dehydration. Hey, for those of you guys on Mug Club,

stick around for the second half of this tremendous show. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show. I told you what I'm talking about. You're not going to see it. Steven Crowder's full show, which is more information and funny than you can ever believe also uh a whole lot more and while you're there at nickdip.com

there are my tour dates if you click the tour button may 1st and 2nd side splitters comedy club tampa florida i think that's like a wednesday and a thursday uh then may 10th to Thursday. Then May 10th, two shows at Soul Joel's Comedy Club, Pottstown, PA. And then the next night, the big one in Red Bank, New Jersey at Count Basie Theater on May 11th. I believe that's Mother's Day weekend. Bring that pig down. I'll slap her on. What? I'm kidding. Love mommies, especially the young ones. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else

No, no I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna to be destroyed Like everybody else And I don't want to get a job Like everybody else

Cause I'm not like everybody else See you singing, what are you? I'm not like everybody else Baby