The Nick DiPaolo Show - Partying, Penises and Politics

Episode Date: September 24, 2018

Comerica’s Clam Pizza. Rod Rosenstein Resigning? NFL Stadiums Emptier Than Goodell’s Suit.

Thank you for watching! Oh yeah, how are you folks? Welcome to the show, Monday. A cool Monday. Love this weather. How's it going? 833-599-NICK. 833-599-6425. The phone number. Debating about the phone calls. Because a lot of times, again, the fucking cell connection is kind of horrible. Some of the people are drunk. So we'll be debating whether we do that in the future or not.

But right now we still are. How you doing? Aight. Dates, real quick. Why do we have Flagstaff on here, fellas? That is over with. Come on. Detail.

Fucking detail. Don't make me come in there and spank yous. By the way, one of the twinks, Ryan, 24, 24, right? 24. 24 today. Ryan, 24, 24, right? 24. 24 today. Ryan, 24. He's got a lot of ass in his 24 years, some of it female. And facts.

Facts. I'm not disputing that. I don't know what that means. Let's leave that be. This Saturday night, I'll be at the Fat Black Pussycat in New York City, right around the corner from the Comedy Cellar. Thursday, October 4th, remember, I'll be in studio live in Texas with Steven Crowder, louder with Crowder. And then that night, I'll be at the Texas Theater in Dallas, Texas. Here's a brand new one for you if you're in this area.

Saturday, October 27th, Lucy's in Pleasantville. I've done the room. It's pretty close to here. And it's a, it's actually a great gig. November 2nd and 3rd governors in Levittown, Long Island, New York,

Friday, November 9th and Saturday, November 10th comics at Mohegan sun and Uncasville, Connecticut. Here's another new one for you. Friday, November 30th and Saturday, December 1st, the comedy corner that, uh, it's the con one for you. Friday, November 30th and Saturday, December 1st.

The Comedy Corner. It's the Corner Comedy Club. There's a lot of Comedy Corner clubs, actually. This is the Corner Comedy Club, Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. That's November 30th and Saturday, December 1st. So I hope to see you there. Last time I was up to Niagara Falls, I paid, I was with my wife actually,

paid to do that little Niagara Falls thing. You know, you get in a boat and it brings you right under the falls. They put on a raincoat and all that shit. Like I said, I did a gig that night. I should have paid for a hooker to come in and piss in front of a ceiling fan. It would have been the same experience.

But I hope to see you guys up there. I love the Canadians. They don't mind the anti-PC shit. They actually enjoy it, most of them. They really do. Speaking of that, politically correct, I was in Phoenix, Arizona last Thursday night, this past Thursday night, and did a corporate gig in front of a bunch of rich white real estate people dressed to the nines, 550 people. And, oh, there were times when they did not like me whatsoever.

I was just thinking if my friends were there at the show, they would have had a ball watching me. Hey, no makeup today. And it looks it, uh, watching me bomb, not completely, but every they like, you know, every four minutes they'd like me, then it'd hate me for the next three. And it was, I had flop sweat. I had flop sweat. It was dripping in my eyes. It was 110 on stage, and they were not expecting, I don't know why, a really anti-P. They were supposed to.

The guy who booked it said, look, he's going to do what he does, and everybody was fine with it. They could not handle it. Rich white folk, and they were just scared shit to laugh at anything in front of their coworkers. At least that's the explanation i was getting and uh it was i forgot to bring my phone on stage

i use my phone because there's a clock on there so i know where i am so i had no idea where i was time wise some of the jokes let's put it this way folks they paid me beforehand i had the check in my pocket shirt. And the comedian I work with, Brad Upton, before me, was telling me a story about Jake Johansson. And every time he'd do a gig, a corporate gig or whatever, he'd put the check in his pocket. And every time he'd start bombing, he would just rub the check to remind him what kind of dough he was getting. So it must have been three times during the show I went, folks, get as quiet as you fucking want because I have the money right here.

And they would laugh at that. They absolutely loved that type of nonsense. And every time they'd get quiet, I would call them on their bullshit. I'd go, you fucking people, you talk like this at your house. You're a bunch of rich white people you feel just the way I do so shut the fuck up and then they would laugh uproariously at that and then I'd go into a bit that involved hashtag me too or rape or something and when 550 people get quiet holy shit do they get quiet mama mia It brought me back to when I first started doing comedy.

And, you know, when you're young and you're trying new shit and you're bombing. But here's the difference. Back then, you'd really freak out as opposed to now. It almost feels good when I... It's one thing to do a funny joke and they just don't get it. And you're like, why the fuck didn't they get that? But when you know it's because they're pretending to be politically correct there was a lot of this shit oh oh from fucking white guys in fucking two thousand dollar suits

and i'm like hey put the fake white outrage away okay it was fine and he and this is at one point I'm in my own head. I go, should I do this or not? I do a joke about masturbating to a there's a picture in Life magazine, very famous Vietnam War. There's a girl running down the street naked. And I usually only do it, you know, if I'm on a late show in New York and shit. And I actually in my head, I'm going, do I do this line? Do I not do this line? At this point, I had got, you know, a couple minutes of silence because it was too anti-PC. And I developed such a hate for some of the people that I went right into it. And holy shit, I could hear the ice in their drinks. 550 people, I could hear the ice. I could hear noise coming from the kitchen. That's how...

I was... And the only thing I was thinking was, I wish my comedy friends were here to see this. They would have been shitting their pants laughing. I haven't felt like that. Folks, I don't do worse than a B minus. And when I get a B minus on stage, it's because I'm just pushing the limit or I'm being abusive to the audience. I mean, I control it.

When you're doing it for 30 years, you have all kinds of material that you can break out. And I just chose to keep piling on these people and making get more scared. And they were fucking I could see the horrified looks on their faces at some point. Then other points, I would say something I thought would scare them and they would laugh uproariously. So, you know, it was like a C minus or a C. It wasn't a complete bomb. So, you know, it was like a C minus or a C. It wasn't a complete bomb. But at times, it was.

And I come backstage and this guy, Brad Upton, who was 63 years old, who opened for me, was very, very funny. And, you know, he was squeaky clean and shit. And people came up to me after the show. Guys in suits and said, you know what? That was fucking hilarious. You were a breath of fresh air. Ba-ba-ba. Don't be worried.

You know, people didn't like you. I mean, and even an Asian woman. The next day, an Asian woman put on Twitter, thanks to Brad Upton and Nick DiPaolo for a hilarious night last night. So most of it was positive. But I know the guy who booked it is going to get some blowback because a couple people came up to me and said we had no idea that was coming.

But they gave it a thumbs up because they're rich white people or whatever. But they had no idea, I guess, what was coming. I don't know why. But at some points I was just fucking fuming because it was fake outrage. I'd do a hashtag me too oh i would just get fuming you know and i wanted to scream but uh if i could i'd grab this microphone i'd beat your brains out with it because that's what you deserve that's what you deserve they all had some guys had ties on that well you know worth more than the whole

outfit i was wearing what What was I wearing? Leather pants and my leather shirt that I always wear with the big crucifix. And I have lightning bolts on the collar. Colin Quinn said I should reinvent myself and wear a black turtleneck with yellow lightning bolts and call myself Don Corrado. Oh, boy. And the guy, Brad Brad Upton he was 63 years old he's from Seattle he's been doing it as long as I have I just have to tell you a quick story about him he puts uh there's something called dry bar you go to a club in in um somewhere in Utah and they record you doing a squeaky clean set he he does a lot of cruise ships and stuff and

he hates it I guess but uh so he did this thing for dry bar and they chop up your set and they release it online he did it like five years ago and he did all right then he saw this year there's a bunch of young comics who suck getting like a couple million hits so he called the company said put my shit back on dry bar and the guy said said, that's a good idea. So they did. This fucking guy is up to 100 million hits. This is what I'm talking about. 100 million hits. I could shoot a newborn baby with a shotgun

on fucking video and not get 10 hits. So look for me to be releasing my specials that nobody has seen for one reason or another except for the one i did in showtime that made it to netflix but i get forced by i'm gonna chop them up and we're gonna we're gonna flood the zone as they say uh on the internet because i'm working too fucking hard but a hundred million and he was furious he was so i was laughing so hard we went out for drinks after the show he was just so jaded he's i don't he goes i don't give a shit at this point he's getting advice from young comics.

This is what you have to do. He's like, fuck you, I'm 63. What am I doing, a 10-year plan? So anyways. And then the next night, I was in Flagstaff, Arizona. The gig was as good as the first one was tough. It was in Flagstaff, which is a college town.

First of all, it's up in the mountains. I didn't know there were mountains in Arizona. I thought the whole state was, you know, flatter than a lesbian's ass. But apparently 7,000 feet elevation. And it's a real kind of a liberal, hippie, crunchy town. And I saw a bumper sticker on a car that says, I fight for hippie chicks. And I got on stage and I said, I'm not going to get in a fight for a hippie chick.

Somebody brought her, doesn't shave her pits and wash her ass. Cutting soy farts. I mean, who the fuck? I wouldn't. I'll fight for a hippie chick. Somebody broad who doesn't shave her pits and wash her ass. Cutting soy farts. I mean, who the fuck? I wouldn't, I'll fight for a stripper from Texas. I'll fucking die in the parking lot of the Gold Club defending her big fake tits.

The Stormy Daniels type. But I'm not going to get in a fight for a fucking broad who, you know, is a vegan and can kill you with a mustard fart. You know what I'm saying?

I think you do. So that was the weekend. Tommy, my agent, came out. He was unbelievable. He's got an uncle out there who's a cardiologist, gets zillions of dollars. I had fun. Those

corporate gigs, they pay very nicely. That's all I'm saying. I'd do it again tomorrow. I'd put myself through that hell tomorrow, I think. I'd give it some thought, but for the do-re-mi, you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. Let's get on to it huh let's do it Brett Kavanaugh back in the news

another broad coming out of the woodworks another fucking leftist smear campaign this is such horseshit okay I don't fuck even again it's another story apparently he exposed himself at a dormitory party. They play some drinking game. This woman's last name,

Ramirez, got shit face. I guess she's a real innocent kind of a, and they play a drinking game. She's half in and out of consciousness. They had a dildo in the room

and then they were holding it near her face and then apparently she remembers a guy taking his penis out and her pushing away, actually touching it or whatever the fuck. She even admits she has a lot of gaps in her memory because she was so shit face. I don't know what to believe. Just the facts, man.

You know, the New Yorker reported a new accusation Sunday evening against Brett Kavanaugh. That is a college freshman at Yale University. A drunken Kavanaugh exposed himself at a drunken dormitory party and that when she tried to push him away in her drunken stupor, she accidentally touched his penis. Oh, my God. How gross. If I had a nickel for every time I touched a penis when I was drunk, I'd owe somebody three bucks. Let's be honest. Kavanaugh denies the allegations.

Are you saying he knows nothing about these matters? To my knowledge, nothing. I'm going to find out what the hell happened here. That must have been Chuck Schumer. This alleged event from 35 years ago did not happen. This is Kavanaavanaugh saying the people who knew me then know that this did not happen and have said so this is a smear plain and simple I look forward to testifying on Thursday about the truth and defending my good name and the reputation for character and integrity I have spent a lifetime building against these last-minute allegations and I don't know, I tend to believe it. This committee owes an apology. This committee owes an apology.

Apology, Senator. Yes, it does. In my opinion. Even so, let's say it happened. Let's say it happened. That's not a sexual felony. And this thing's called statute of limitations. Oh, I know the one in Maryland, the first accusation happened in Maryland, didn't it?

I believe the prep school one, which they don't have a statute of limitation on sexual felonies. But these aren't felonies. These aren't. I'm listening to the lawyers on TV. You can't prosecute

because of this shit. And the FBI has no jurisdiction over it. Number nine and 18 other fucking reasons. OK, they're afraid because he's a conservative and he gets on the court. They think he's going to, you know,

overturn Roe versus Wade. He came out as a pro-woman judge, you know, talking about his daughters and all this shit. So this makes perfect sense that they'd dredge up this shit from 30-something years ago. But in either case,

the women don't, there's gaps in their stories and a lot of he said she said um ronan farrow wrote this and this guy mayor uh they admit that deborah ramirez the woman making the accusations acknowledges being drunk the party where she alleges the incident occurred and that her memory contains gaps that's her quote they also note that new york has not confirmed with other eyewitnesses that cavavanaugh was president at the party. President, not president. That would be Trump

grabbing pussy. Oh, is that her? Yep. I have that same shirt. I put it on when I don't want to get laid. Nah, nah, nah. But again, you look at her politics and what she's donated to. Just come on, look at her. Does she look fucking happy? She saw

her penis fucking four decades ago and she's still bummed out about it what did the dick have a little hitler mustache what is scaring these people it's a penis i'm not making light of it but either way i am um uh the new york has not confirmed whether other eyewitnesses at the party at cavanaugh was present at the party the magazine contacted several dozen classmates of Ramirez and Kavanaugh regarding the incident. Many did not respond to interview requests. Others declined to comment or said they did not attend or remember the fucking party. That boy is a P.I.G. pig. One classmate of Ramirez who declined to be named said that he was told later about the party and that he remembered being told that Kavanaugh had behaved as described. Others had apparently also heard similar stories,

but not the names of those involved. But here's a key thing. This broad, I mean woman, I mean chick, I mean bitch. However, a woman who described herself as Romero's best friend at the time told the New Yorker that she never heard about the story. I was never told the story by her or by anyone else. It never came up. I didn't see it. I never heard of it happening. She also said,

we shared intimate details of our lives and it never came up. So it's a he said versus lying whores. I mean, she said. I ain't buying it. I ain't buying it. I ain't buying it. It's again coming out at the 11th hour. Okay, let's not pretend we don't know what this is.

They're smearing this guy's name and his family. Look at him. There he's being asked how big his balls were. You could put one in each hand he says about 12 ball of balls motherfuckers you know i i i was in college the same time he was and the shit went on at the university of maine i can't even tell you i can't even tell you i wasn't part of the football team yet but i heard a story you know know, these these women come from these small towns of Maine and who knows what their uncle did to him with a pool cue 40 years, but they would get drunk and fucking invite half the defensive line into their room. I'm not shitting you. And so I'm not. But that doesn't. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. And like we heard last week, there's some lawyer out there, higher up, I can't remember his name, who said they're going to have evidence that the first accusation is totally bullshit. That was supposed to come out this week, so I'm still waiting. I don't know. Let's go to, it says Peter in, I want to say Los Angeles, could be Louisiana. I don't know. L.A. is L.A. but he wants to talk about Kavanaugh.

Hey, Pete, what's going on? Hey, Nick. Yeah. Big fan, actually. I listen to you all the time and definitely, definitely a great, great asset on the radio. We need people like you out there. Thanks. I wanted to talk about Kavanaugh.

They're getting Kavanaugh in. This is the last line of defense for Donald Trump. There is no way the Republicans survive if they don't get Kavanaugh. That's just the end. A hundred percent. The more than the wall, more than anything. If they don't get Kavanaugh in, we lose everything. So if that is true, you would have to assume that the left knows that. So they're doing everything in their power, including, in my opinion, the smear campaign. It's a smear

campaign. Oh, absolutely. Right. You said 100 percent. Well, let me say, like the last six presidents have had multiple Supreme Court nominations, the last six. And we've had four of those presidents, Republicans. That's right. You know, from last six. And we've had four of those presidents, Republicans. That's right. You know, from Reagan up. That's right. Despite that, we've never had a conservative court. And just think about that. Four out of the six, everyone has given in to and we have never had a conservative court. It's because we keep putting in moderates to slightly conservatives and then one Scalia and they put in radical maniacs who literally want Jesus to be transgender. And so that's the reason we keep losing. And if you look at the demographics,

the evangelical Christians in America voted more for Trump than any president in history, more than Bush, more than Romney. You can look it up. They don't believe that Donald Trump, Donald Trump is a three-time married, cheated on every one of them. God bless him. that Donald Trump, Donald Trump is a three-time married, cheated on every one of them. God bless him. He's not an evangelical. They just did it for the Supreme Court. If he doesn't get this person on, it's over. Okay. So are you kind of taking a jab at Trump there or at the- No, I love Trump. I love Trump. You know, he knows. No, I'm not thinking, listen, I'm a supporter of Trump. I'm a supporter of whatever Republican was on the line. But yeah, I don't think anyone else could have beaten that machine.

I don't think anyone else could have. That's right. Obviously, he wasn't a hardcore Republican. He's getting more conservative every day. And I've been a conservative. I'm basically your age. I'm basically your life. I'm a New York City kid originally from Queens, first generation Italian immigrant.

Believe me, I'm not much different than you. Right. This is the dividing line. The Democratic Party has has graft off. queen's first generation italian immigrant believe me i'm not much different than you right this is the dividing line the democratic party has has grasped off you know when reagan won in 1980 he got less remember he won he won by 450 electoral votes that's right he got 10 out of every electoral votes but he got less of the white vote than romney or Trump. Now think about that. He got less of the white vote and he won by 449 electoral votes, if you want to be exact. They know they have to parse this country off. They are sectioning us off. They are carving us up and making us hate each

other. It's disgusting, but it's working. Yeah. This is the last chance. This is literally the last chance. It's terrifying, but it's true. I agree. I agree with that. Great call, Peter. And a callback. I appreciate that. He's absolutely right.

And I kept saying that. I was having these arguments with some of my comedy buddies. And when Romney was running, I'd go, fuck the Latino or the whatever, the black vote. You need 1%. I remember go, fuck the Latino or the whatever, the black vote. You need 1%. I remember reading this in the paper. If you got like half of 1% of the white vote, it would put Romney over the top. And he kept focusing on the other shit, you know.

But he's absolutely right. And, you know, I'm waiting for Gin. I'm waiting for, what's her name, fucking Ginsburg? Is that her name? The lady in her late hundreds, real liberal. I'm waiting for her to kick off. And but he's right. So and like he said, that's all true. The Republicans know that. And if they know that, the Democrats know it for sure. That's why these brothers. Dianne Feinstein, I hope you die in your sleep. You were corrupted by the far-left douchebags of your party. Good luck. She's in her late hundreds, too. She'll be gone.

Anyways, but these are stories. And in order to convict him of shit like this, and this is as far as criminal court goes, not as far as him becoming justice, you have to have eyewitnesses, corroboration. You got to have eyewitnesses corroboration you got to have dna evidence and i'm pretty sure his jizz isn't on a pillow somewhere uh in uh you know at yale unless somebody pulled a monica lewinsky or whatever but jizz isn't even involved the you

know it was party games it was fucking the shit i saw at humane i don't doubt that stuff like this went on he says he wasn't even there. So I think he's testifying. What's her name is testifying Thursday? Miss Ford. So, you know, it's really a fuck. It's what they did to Clarence Thomas. They know how to fight dirty. These motherless fucks.

Kevin in Texas. How are you, buddy? What's going on? Nick, we'll be lucky if she even shows up to the Thursday meeting that fucking cunt of hers wait a minute oh miss ford you mean this dumb broad wants to wait 30 years to come out against cavanaugh cavanaugh ain't got no record i know he's like it's like trying to nothing to hide no you're right it's like trying to fucking prosecute an eagle scout this guy was a friggin nerd and even like i said even if some of the shit he was at that party would have put his hand over her mouth and stuff.

Does that constitute a sexual felony? I know it's. That's not the point of the fucking party. Right. I know. That's a rape at my ass. No, I know. And I'm not making.

You do the core form. You do the Bill Cosby, that's it. Yeah, that's what I mean. Cosby, you have... Thank you for the call, Kev. Your phone was cutting off. But yeah, with Cosby, you have like almost 60 women with the exact same story.

And, you know, it's... How about the bit he did about little Spanish fly governor? That shit you put in a girl's drink to make them horny. He actually had a bit about, not that that would, you know, win in court, but there's so much evidence against fucking Cosby, and all these women had the same exact story, and he admitted to, you know, putting some shit. Oh, it's just vitamins I put in her you-hoo.

And she woke up with a skirt over her head. I don't know, folks, but this is a smear campaign, in my opinion. And like I said, even if this shit went down, I don't see anything fucking, you know, I don't mean to be callous here, ladies, but, oh, I've been traumatized. I haven't been able to get a job. I can't have relationships with men. I mean, what do these penises look like that people are whipping out? Fucking Godzilla?

I mean, I've seen a ton of them in the locker rooms, and I kind of like them! I could have never pulled the shit. I have a very distinct penis. It's light green, and it bangs to the left, and it has my initials on the head. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! All right, let's move on to something lighter.

But, you know, he was a wild man, apparently, that fucking kid. Brett Kavanaugh. That boy is a P-I-G pig. And that's the other thing Miss Ramirez says. She remembers somebody yelling down the hall, Brett Kavanaugh just put his penis in Mr. Ramirez's face, whatever her fucking first name was. All right, we'll take another Kavanaugh. People, this is a hot-button issue, I guess.

Let's go to Jeff and Callie, who grew up in Massachusetts. I don't know what he's doing in California. I hope the FBI chased him out there. Why else would you live in that shithole? Jeff, how are you? How's your stem? Oh, Nick, I just wanted to tell you I appreciate your show. The reason I'm out here is an ex-wife.

I'm actually giving back to Matt. When are you coming back? Hey, I grew up. Oh, June, dude, June. I'm actually going to come out for Christmas also. All right. I'm in the family. So go ahead.

On the cake there. Long story short, isn't Rowan Farrell, didn't his father marry his sister? The morals of these people are scandalous. Not to mention, go ahead, man, I didn't cut you off. No, no, you're talking about Woody Allen and Soon-Yi? Let me tell you a quick one, Jeff, about that. Do you know I actually had dinner with Woody Allen and a few other comics? The late, great Jay Thomas, Bobby Slayton I can't say where it was in New York City a guy who owns the largest townhouse in New York City he's filthy billionaire he was tight with

Clinton somehow I get a call from Bobby Slayton how'd you like to have dinner with Woody Allen and Sunyi was there and she I swear to God she was staring at Sunyi was staring, and I swear to God, she was staring at me like I spit in her fucking chicken with broccoli. She wanted to rip my fucking head off. And it was the most interesting evening. I started talking to Woody about Louis C.K., and he's like, I love that guy. I go, he was my roommate. He goes, he was your roommate, and he starts talking. It was, like, surreal.

I'm sitting there. But, yeah, you make a good point, Ronan. Real quick, you know, my dad was a cop, my grandfather was a cop, my uncles, my brother-in-law, long story short, I ended up graduating Lexington High. And the Lexington people, man, are just, they think they shit potpourri.

They used to have a thing called slave days, right? They used to auction students off. Now remember, we had a Mecco program up there in Lexington, too. So we had kids from Roxbury, Jamaica Plain, Mattapan, you know, coming out there to Lexington High.

And they actually had Slave Days. And so I'm arguing with them on Facebook. I'm like, I hope the people who organize Slave Days don't run for anything because you people are,

it's just that, it's like looking for Frankenstein with the torches. The people are ridiculous. Yeah, yeah. The left has lost their fucking mind i i did a show in lexington actually it was my fans that came out at a beautiful theater hey thank you for the call jeff i got them lined up here appreciate it man um but uh yeah let's move on uh it's a i don't see how this isn't a smear campaign the fight there's nothing more evil than the fucking modern

day feminist movement there's nothing more fucking than the fucking modern day feminist movement. There's nothing more fucking evil. During that corporate show in Arizona at one point, I go, do you feminists ever quit your fucking... I'm talking about, I'm not making light of hashtag Me Too. I'm glad that shed light. Guys are fucking animals. We know that. And I'm glad some people shed light on the Harvey Weinsteins in the world.

And the Charlie Roses, the fucking Matt Lowers, the hypocrites, who are on NBC, the most left-wing channel, pretending they shit ice cream, and they get busted. I'm glad for all that, but it's, you know, the 11th hour is a giveaway. Let's lighten it up a little. Let's go to the NFL, which is turning into the flag I didn't say fag I said flag or you could say fag football league um Clay Matthews uh if you're a Packers fan you know about this uh he get called again for a roughing the passer uh they have a new rule now

uh Green Bay Packers Matthews blasted the NFL on Sunday after receiving a a roughing the passer uh they have a new rule now uh green bay packers matthews blasted the nfl on sunday after receiving a controversial roughing the quarterback penalty in sunday's game it's the third week in a row he's the first guy since 2000 and something 2001 to get a roughing the passing three first three games of this season and i love how this guy plays he says the league's getting soft which is an understatement Matthews made a tackle on uh on Alex Smith for the Redskins late in the third quarter Matthews appeared to have made a common football play and it was common wrapping Smith around the torso and tackling him to the ground for a sack I don't know who's making the rules probably some

of the feminists I don't know uh the linebacker was penalized for landing on Smith with his body weight and they're really turning it into a soft fucking league I mean this is why we watch it I used to watch it for the head hits I understand taking that out of the game but you can't put a skirt on the quarterback which is I think Mike Dick has said that about the Patriots years ago

but it's really it's turning into a fucking soft league here's a video of the fucking hit there he is scrambling obviously there's no blocking so he is just fucking down i didn't see any body weight on in the put the picture up of the actual tackle. Do we have that? Okay. You know, looking at that, his body weight probably is on him.

They're saying if you put most of your body weight. How do you decide most? How would you decide what most of his body weight is? You know what I mean? Oh, his left hip and his ass cheek were not on him. That's about 40 pounds. He made a tackle. When you tackle somebody from the front you're gonna land on top of them and the nfl i don't know fucking goodell i don't know who's making these rules what they're trying to avoid is what

happened to uh aaron rogers last year when a guy picked him up and clearly picked him up like a wrestler and drove him into the fucking ground. That's not what that is. And if you, what a beautiful, that's actually, see that? That's like porn to me. Look at that fucking tackle. Look at his face. Look at his face. I know this might be sexual assault.

Might have to get a fucking independent counselor. Look at his prick is right over his ass. But look at Clay Matthews. If I could be anybody, it would be him. He's got Samson's hair coming out of his helmet. Look, he's making a tackle, and his triceps and biceps are flexed. This guy's just shooting testosterone all over the place. And he even asked Alex Smith, what could I have done differently?

But then he didn't elaborate. But it's a beautiful form tackle. By the way, Alex Smith couldn't answer because he's paralyzed from the waist up but Matthew said unfortunately this league's going in a direction I think a lot of people don't like and that will be guys with testicles you know who hates you know who surprisingly hates the way this league is going? Liberace and a young Wayne Newton. Oh, that's right. Liberace is dead.

But there's even gay women in the audience going, this is fucking pussy ball. They're screaming with their 19 inch necks and crew cuts and a little haircut like mine. Furious. We have more fucking angry contact in bed with each other but he says i think they're going soft uh the only thing hard about this league uh uh is the

fines they have levied down on guys like me who play the game and the male cheerleaders that the While social media users had a meltdown, the NFL football operations defended the call in a tweet. This is a foul for roughing the passer. The defender lands with all or most of the defender's weight on the passer rule, said Barbara Streisand. lands with all or most of the defenders weight on the passer rule, said Barbara Streisand. Rose McGowan weighed in, definitely roughing the passer. I can never think of famous guys. Nathan Lane said, I didn't like it. It was too rough.

Paul Lynn weighed in and said, Henry Kissinger recently was quoted as saying they aren't even sexy. What was he referring to? The defensive linemen. The joint chiefs of staff. Your mother's tits!

Obviously, when you're tackling a guy from the front, you're going to land on a map, you said. He said, who are the bitches making these rules? I'll cut these motherfuckers' throats. And then he was fined $11. He says, I understand the spirit of the rule I said that weeks prior but when you have a hit like that he said that's a football play

and he's correct sir you're gonna ruin the game folks Roger Goodell you're gonna ruin it but can I say something? Those new rules about, you know, helmet on helmet and hitting with a crown on your head, they're working. I've seen some good fucking clean hits.

And again, when helmet meets helmet, it's usually an accident because both players, they have something in common. Their heads are attached to their shoulders. It's fucking weird like that. But they'll bang heads accidentally. Did anybody play the game that are making these fucking rules? And the refs, can we get some people other than white guys in the late hundreds that can't even keep up with these brothers out of the fucking

hood who run 4.240s? Nick, that's racist. Hey, kiss my grits, you cheese-eating dick. Cocaine. Alright. Nick, Nick, I'm a Redskins fan and I am happy that this I'm not happy to tackle him, but this is totally fine. I don't care if I tackle my quarterback. No, exactly.

And you're a Redskins fan. Colin Quinn had a great joke about the Redskins, about the name being racist or offensive, because the most because the most offensive part is the Washington party. You own slave owners. And I said, yeah yeah they should have an Indian red skin on one side of the helmet and a bullwhip on the other I mean that's that's comedy

folks that's the type of shit I was laying on these fucking rich white jack offs and you could hear their snatches slamming shut let's go to Alex in South Carolina that's a state that knows football.

You know what I mean? That's South Carolina. They eat it and drink it and sleep it when they're drowning in their own rivers. Anyways, Alex, what's going on, fella? How you doing, Mr. DiPaolo? It's a pleasure to talk to you, sir. Thank you. Same here.

Well, actually, it's funny. I called in about 15 minutes ago to talk about the Kavanaugh and all that kind of stuff. But, you know, you got going on with all this, that and the other. And you know what? I had to go there and hang up and call back, said, hell, I said, I want to add on to this. Now, I'm going to keep it short and sweet to the point. Yeah. And because I want to waste your time.

But now, as far as this goes, the NFL, you know, I gave up on that shit years ago. Now, you know, the fucking NFL, they wanted to go there and start bitching to the Dallas Cowboys or wearing decals on their helmets when five Dallas cops got killed, probably by a bunch of fucking social justice boys. Yes. But they're going to let them kneel and do all that other, you know, faggoty shit. Yes. But, you know, actually, Vince McMahon is bringing back the XFL in 2020. Yeah.

And one of the first things he addressed was there will be no Neyland. Yes, and I remember that. And that's still going to be a tough one. But you know what? Alex, you make a great point because my next story is going to show a bunch of pictures of NFL stadiums empty this weekend. And so you might be right. Vince McMahon, the timing might be right. is going to show a bunch of pictures of NFL stadiums empty this weekend. And so you might be right.

Vince McMahon, the timing might be right. But I remember when Donald Trump tried to start his league and to get that talent to jump. Well, you know, money talks and bullshit runs the marathon. Well put, my friend. All right. Thank you, sir. Oh, and by the by, not to make you feel like an old bastard or nothing, but I actually grew up loving you even before I even put a name to the face because actually I grew up watching shorties watching shorties,

and I've been a fan of yours ever since. So I'll make sure I tell my psychiatrist next week that I don't want to blame all my problems on you. All right, Alex. Thank you, buddy. Holy shit. There's people watching this that grew up watching shorties watching shorties? For the love of Christ, I'll be dead soon. What the fuck?

By the way, I'm back on Lipitor. I'm starting up my medicine cabinet starting to look like that of uh you know fucking uh somebody old somebody think of somebody quick that's still alive fucking Bob Dole's got less pills in his fucking medicine cabinet I'm back on the Lipitor the uh the cardio guy gave me you know about a 30 minute talk on smoking and I said can I light one up now because you're making me nervous with the results of my EKG and he he laughed and and uh I took myself off these lipids you know Lipitor and that shit years ago and uh still not convinced they'd do anything but if it allows me to have a few cigarettes I'll do it I'll shoot heroin into my left nut I'll mainstream it into my taint if it's

gonna let me have a pack of marbles and sleep like a baby you know what i'm saying sure you do let's take one more call on there well let me just uh let me just move on to another nfl story which is this says it all folks you guys when you put up these pictures you get my note don't put up the first one you know why i said that because the first picture is an empty stadium but you can see the game hasn't started yet. They were kind of I don't know who I was making the point. They were trying to do what what the left did to Trump is inauguration. They took pictures like, you know, nine hours before the inauguration. But as the NFL kicks off week three, photos of empty stadiums continue making the way across the Internet,

showing that the league is struggling to put fans in the seats again this cap and it had a lot to do with this this is when it looks like people are sticking their guns like alex and and uh you know in south carolina who's apparently 86 i mean what am i saying he's 11 how old was he yeah whatever vikings and jaguar fans have clearly had, despite the fact both teams made a run in the playoffs, and it shows. Let's take a look at some of these pictures. Look at this. That's Atlanta against the goddamn Saints.

That's a rivalry and a damn good one, and what a game they missed. But I'm sorry, folks. Those people aren't taking a dump at halftime. They're not going to pee right now. That is, as you can see, the game. I was going to say maybe it was near the end of the game, but it went into overtime, didn't it?

So that's not the case. Look at that. Look at that. You can see, look, you can see Jason's parents are in the balcony up there smooching next picture that was Atlanta there's the Giants at the Texans I blame it on the two shitty teams

playing but this could have been taken fucking five years ago it might have looked like that not exactly a fucking marquee matchup. Giants went out to win, but look at that. That's Houston, Texas. That's football country. You know what I mean?

That's not Portland, Oregon, where fucking girls feel hockey rules and fucking faggy soccer. Okay, we saw Atlanta, guys. Jesus H, move on. on we have another one don't we uh look at this okay look at this this is Minnesota didn't they go to playoffs last look at that's Minneapolis that it looks like I'm doing stand up there there's 11 people in a place that holds fucking 70,000 do we have any more I think we're making the point this one is false I'm calling falsehood on whoever put this up because

this game I want I put a little a little bit of on TV I was watching it and it was fucking packed I don't know when that was taken I do know I.A. They show up at a baseball game in the fourth inning. So this was probably taken early in the game. But I saw that on TV, and it looked pretty goddamn full. Where do they play? The Coliseum now, these guys? Jason, you know, right? Didn't you play in the NFL for a couple years?

Were you drafted out of Pleasantville? Yeah, no, I was a kicker, backup kicker for the Jets. Backup kicker. Look, that place is packed is it not a pretty close that's a good picture guys where'd you get that I remember sending that to you so I'm being I'm trying to be honest here

let's take you know but between Kaepernick and all the rule changes and but the Kaepernick that that shit turned off a lot of people because football is American as apple pie,

Chevrolet, and General Sal's pork. Luke in California. Luke, what's going on? What's going on, Nick? Is there an echo here? No, go ahead. You're good.

Okay. No, I just wanted to bring up the point that it's both sides that messed up. Or actually, the NFL messed up with both sides. You got people that are supporting Kaepernick that are mad at the NFL and don't want to support them because they won't let him back in. And then you got the people, you know, who are mad that the NFL is allowing these players to take a knee. And so they're mad.

So, I mean, the NFL is fucked up because they never picked a side in the matter. That's it's a fair point. I'm guessing the side, though, that against Kaepernick is way bigger than the side that is for him. Maybe close. Possibly, and then another thing is that's turning a lot of people off is these pussy-ass rules they're putting in. You know, where any time you touch the quarterback, it's foul.

And this whole, with the defenders defenders where they have to adjust themselves to to not go to lunge with you know direct with the head with the helmet i mean what is that i've seen last week or just on sunday i was watching football and you know there's penalty the niners had 150 yards and penalties yeah but how much look how many were those were because of the new rules weren't they just probably most of them were uh just you know were there a couple yeah i mean a lot of them were were yeah a lot of them were justified but i mean there's a lot of game changing calls going on like jordy nelson when he took uh or clay matthews yeah excuse me yes uh for the packers yep when he took them to the ground. I mean, I saw that about three times.

It happened with the Cowboys, Seahawks. So I think that's part of it, too. I really don't think there's that many people who are boycotting the NFL because of Kaepernick. Well, you're wrong there. That's been proven. I mean, and that's why there's a lot of empty seats. Look at what happened with Nike.

Well, that's fine. Nike's booming. I know. That's a separate issue, though. But a lot of those people that support that are just social justice warriors and not even that big of sports fans. The real sports fans, the Americans who fucking love this country or expect law enforcement,

they're the ones who go out to the stadiums and pay $11 for a fucking hot dog. They're the real sports fan. Hold on. No, I said 80% of the motherfuckers that are in the NFL look like me. That doesn't matter. The NBA, you know, the NBA, their audience, you know, their audience is predominantly white. I mean, an NBA is 100% that look like you. So that's got nothing to do with it.

Kaepernick's a piece of shit. And fuck him and everything he stands for. Right, Luke? Are you with me? No, no, I'm not with you. All right. I'm with you. I'm okay that you have that opinion.

All right. Because I do like you, Nick. I don't know if you remember me. I called you back about, I don't know, a month ago. We went off. I went off on you a little bit. But we made it. I'm glad you called up, brother.

Keep calling. Yes, sir. All right, look. Thanks. How can you like Capra when he stands for her? There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. Not all of them.

Just a few of them. I think you mean what he kneels for. What? I think you mean fuck him and everything he kneels for. Okay, Ryan. Happy birthday, kid. That's my freebie. Yeah, exactly.

Cancer of the funny bone. We gotta get him x-rayed. I swear to God, the marrow is turning yellow. I, uh... bone we gotta get him x-rayed I swear to god the marrow is turning yellow in there I uh okay let me do this I'm gonna do the motto I was gonna go to the Rod Rosenstein apparently gonna resign might be first they said he was gonna we'll get to that in a second but let's stay might as well since Luke uh turned it into didn't turn it into, but I mean, this is connected to race. And I'm glad we have. I love guys like Luke to call in.

I don't want this to be a fucking echo chamber. Again, I don't know how long we'll be taking calls. So 833-599-6425. Of course, it's working good today. But did you see this Detroit police officer was fired over racially charged Snapchat? The Detroit Police Department confirmed the money and fired an officer and opened an investigation into his conduct. After a picture he posted on Snapchat with a racially charged message went viral. Oh, there's all the people out there.

There's all the... All right. First of all... First of all, it's one of the Baldwin brothers. This guy couldn't look more like a fucking Nazi, but that's not his fault. Sean Bostwick. That's the face most people have when they're watching my comedy.

That's what I was looking at in the first row. Sean Bostwick, 27, who worked in the 12th Precinct, posted a photo of himself in his uniform with a caption in quotes. Another night to wrangle up these zoo animals. He's a Detroit cop. He posted the photo directly before starting his shift on Sunday. Brilliant. Police Chief James Craig said in a press conference on Monday that Bostrick admitted to posting a photo. He expressed remorse and claimed the post was misinterpreted.

But Craig said that his explanation didn't pass fucking muster. And I have a fucking argument for this, too. You can't handle the truth. Police said that the department was notified about the post on sunday afternoon and that bostwick was suspended shortly thereafter because because he looks like a nazi yet he's in black neighborhoods protecting black people every night craig said bostwick was fired on monday and will be off the payroll beginning tuesday no longer a detroit police officer now here's my only argument to this okay and there's a couple of them so it's all right for callan cat colin kaepernick and people who think like him to call cops pigs for kaepernick to wear socks that depict uh cops as pigs and

rosie o'donnell's world calling cops terrorists and ice terrorists and and bigots and fucking racists and all this shit. This guy says zoo animals. Didn't say who he was talking about. He's a cop in Detroit. It's not all black. There's a bunch of white fucking hoodlums there too. And I know what you're saying. We know what he meant, Nick.

Okay, so fucking you're reading into it. You need more evidence than that. But as long as you can call cops uh cops pigs and fucking and black lives matter still exists after five cops get gunned down in dallas i love how we forget all that but we go fucking ape shit crazy because he said fucking zoo animals you either believe in free speech or you don't okay and the people maybe shouldn't have said zoo just fucking animals and again he didn't i mean not everybody in in Detroit who's a criminal is fucking black. If I'm his lawyer, that's my, trying to get him on a technicality.

We know what he meant. That's not enough. And they are fucking crazy. But he looks like a Nazi, so that didn't help. And I'm saying if he was a black cop and said that, nobody would have blinked. Oh, my God. Look at that fucking face. See if I can find the proper...

Oh, come on, Nick. You got it. We have him speaking. I have it. I have it here. I think we... He responded to the... Oh, come on. I have it I have it here I think we he responded to the uh oh come on I got it somewhere this is him responding to the charges I I believe that's German for uh gotta wrangle

up these zoo animals tonight something about Heidi Fleiss in there again. But keep calling cops pigs and fucking racist and blah, blah, blah. And same with Mark firman if you remember during the oj case right he was because he said the n-word over the radio and shit and then oprah had him on and he said well i've spent 25 years of my life in black neighborhoods protecting black people and even black people in the oprah audience started to applaud and then it turns out they're applauding because oprah gave him keys to a new Buick under their seats. Or it might have been a Lincoln.

I'm not sure. I'd just like to point out how badly he misspelled Rangel. Yeah, Rangel. Yeah, R-A-N-G-E-N. He spelled it like Charles Rangel, the politician, who also probably would have hated this guy.

Look at the face on this guy. Didn't I see him in Schindler's List beating somebody with a fucking... Hey, Kevin, what's going on in Colorado? Nick, listen, I live in Texas. I understand everything that you're saying right now. What is up with these motherfuckers, man? Really, a second accusation for Kavanaugh?

Oh, we're back to Kavanaugh. They come out that hard? Yeah, they're going to dig all the... Somebody made a good crack on Twitter. One of my followers said, isn't it funny how Kavanaugh only gets all fucking rapey and crazy around liberal chicks? It's kind of a weird affliction. Hey, you know Michael Rappaport?

Yes. Michael Rappaport, I called him a 52-year-old wigger today on Twitter, and I got banned for 48 hours just for calling him a wigger. Yeah, that's... Yo, yo, yo look at me. You know what I mean? Yeah, I do know what you mean. And I'll get to James Woods. I'm glad you brought that up, Kev. Thanks for the call.

James Woods got suspended from Twitter for a fucking meme that he put on Twitter in July. Fuck you liberals and you fucking you hate everything this country stands for, okay? And the biggest thing it stands for is freedom of the press, freedom of speech.

It's what separates us from third world shitholes. You know, it's the beauty of it. And you scumbags who call cops pigs and whatnot, the only reason you're able to do it is because of the people that died fighting for this fucking country. You're too dumb to even see that oh you're shameless and uh imagine saying wigger and getting kicked off on twitter that's jack dorsey by the way gay fella who owns who's the ceo of twitter nick why do you have to bring that up i think it's relevant

i would say nine out of ten gay people vote Democrat. I could be wrong. I met a bunch of them who didn't. The gay, the log cabin Republicans in Virginia came out to see me. Fucking loved them. They loved me. Not like you're thinking, but they loved me for about an hour and a half after the show. They loved me. And then I called the cops and they left

the apartment. What? What kind of fucking horse you... I'm doing Billy Brown. Fucking dude, what are you talking about? You fucking kidding me? Get the fucking, get Brady some fucking receivers. How stinky do they look, by the way?

My pants exposed. Every year they seem to try to do the most with minimum spending of money and shit. We never have huge big names. You know, Trey Flowers is hurt, whatever. But ooh, did they stink it up last night. They'll figure it out, though.

I'm telling you, Belichick uses the first four games like an extended preseason. But I'm nervous they went after Josh Gordon. This guy's got track marks in his fucking arms, for Christ's sake. He's been suspended four times for fucking substance abuse. That's a safe bet, huh? What are you going to do, buy him a six-pack of old duels after the show?

Alrighty then. Here's an interesting one. This might have developed since I've gone on the air. I say gone on the air like I'm Walter Cronkite up in this fucking bitch. Let me get back to my fucking... Trump Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein Let me get back to my fucking...

Trump Deputy Attorney General Rosenstein to meet on Thursday. A source told Reuters that Rosenstein had spent the weekend contemplating whether he should resign after a New York Times report last week said he suggested secretly recording Trump in 2017, which he did, the nipple is fuck wonder. The White House announced the meeting on Monday after a flurry of conflicting reports about whether Rosenstein.

I like to call him Rosenstein because I've seen reporters that don't know what it is. A frequent target of Trump's aggregate will be leaving the post at the at the request of Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein. He and President Trump had an extended conversation to discuss the recent news stories. Trump probably went like this. He went, listen, you little pencil neck fucking geek. The only reason you're in there is because Jeff Sessions had to recuse himself from the Russia investigation. That's the only reason. Yeah. And you were going to think about recording to me, recording my conversations unknowingly to show what disarray my administration was in.

And you were talking about the invoking the 25th. You pencil neck, motherless fuck. And then Trump probably get him a headlock, a couple of knees to the chest. And, uh, you don't think so.

I love it. Rod Rosenstein versus a fucking, a land developer from Queens. It's like mothers against drunk drivers. The Rosenstein furor kicked off by unconfirmed reports that he had verbally resigned, underscored the mounting tension in the White House over the investigation by Robert Mueller into Russia's role in the 2016 election. There had been widespread speculation that Trump would fire Rosenstein since Friday when the Times report said that in 2017,

Rosenstein had suggested secretly recording the president and recruiting cabinet members to invoke a constitutional amendment to remove him from fucking office. So I'm just saying, you know, he's fucking, I would say he's finished. Where's the bye-bye button, you fucking... Shut up! Shut, shut, shut, shut, shut up!

Shut up! Bye-bye, dickhead. I predict by tonight, even, like I said, it might even already happen, he'll be out of there. It's one of these deals, though, you know, Trump's going to go, you're fired. And, you know, I fucking you can't fire me because I quit. It's it's one of those, you know. He's a pencil neck. He's part of the fucking.

You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. Shut up. Shut up. That's me on piano on that clip, by the way. You're fired. You're fired. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! That's me on piano on that clip, by the way.

But the Times said none of those proposals came to fruition. Rosenstein denied the report as inaccurate and factually incorrect. If Rosenstein resigns, Trump has more leeway on replacing him, while firing him would make it harder for Trump to designate a successor. I didn't know that. Rosenstein's future ignited a series of conflicting reports on Monday with Axios, what is that, a Spanish website? A news website cited an unidentified source with knowledge of the matter. What's going on in there?

As saying he had verbally resigned to White House Chief of Staff John Kelly. Other reports said Rosenstein expected to be fired. Well, an NBC News reporter, Rosenstein, said he would not resign and the White House would have to fire him. So, interesting. And then guess who weighed in? Former FBI Director Andrew McCabe said he was deeply concerned. Who gives a fuck what you think?

We've already proved that you're a cum-zzling lying sucker of satan's asshole uh about the reports of rodenstein stepping down saying his departure would put the federal probe into the russian election activities at risk it's already nobody believes it you fucking jerk off jesus h you're getting me crazy here. By the way, okay, you can take him down. You guys want to fuck a Rod Rosenstein? Enough with the picture of him. Jesus Christ, Jason. The fuck? Somebody touch you that look like him?

I love his pencil neck. Yeah, I know. It's just like yours. Put them together, it's like two straws and a drink. La la la la la la la la la la la la please watch Leave it to Beaver every night

they did about seven seasons they did 30 episodes a season I am please listen to me folks you trust me right

if you're sick of these these sitcoms for the last 30 years with the husbands that jerk off and idiot and the wife said, put on Leave It to Beaver and watch Ward Cleaver look at June and go, what are you, a dumb cunt?

I told you not to pull the plug out by the cord. And then Wally comes in. Gee, Dad, you kind of... I'll cut it out, Dad. You're picking on my... And then Beaver comes in. Gee, Wally, I saw,

I saw dad get mom in a headlock and knee her in the face and stuff. That's kind of creepy. It's refreshing. It's refreshing. She's in the kitchen making shit

in every scene and cutting potatoes and dusting. Oh my God. It's like watching porn for me. Nick, what are you saying? You're misogynist? No, I'm just saying.

It's a little refreshing. As opposed to the husband in the Ikea commercial who can't get the table together while his black neighbors throw up a mansion in 11 minutes. Our father who art in fucking heaven, hallowed be my stem. Anyways. The point is, folks,

he wanted to record Trump. I don't think Trump's going to play that. I got to believe he's gone for the next 24 hours. Like I said, I don't even know. Before I came down here, when I was doing prep work in the backyard on a hammock, maybe shit came in.

The latest New York Times headline reads, Rod Rosenstein's job is safe for now. So it's basically we don't fucking know. Yeah. And you know what? That got it. That disappoints me. He admitted. Didn't he admit to say maybe not about saying he wanted to record from. You don't know what to believe, folks. That's why I go to the only source with reliable news in the National Enquirer. My favorite headline in the National Enquirer, I was living in Los Angeles. I'll never forget it. This is when it became legit, by the way, after the OJ thing. They broke that story, and they actually do good work.

But this was either right before or right after. I'm at the supermarketJ thing. They broke that story and they actually do good work. But this was either right before or right after. I'm at the supermarket in line. It says National Enquirer and the headline was Amazing Children Cry Rocks. Woo! My favorite headline ever

was in the New York Post. You're stepping on my laugh. You're stepping on De Niro's laugh, Jason. Timing is everything. Go ahead. You're not. I'm sorry. Yeah.

Okay. Now suck the wind out of this beautiful comedy moment. Go ahead. My favorite headline is in the New York Post is when Ike Turner died. It was Ike beats Tina to death. I never heard that one. Oh, my God. Best headline ever.

Well, the best headline ever is actually the New York Post. Do you remember what it was? Headless man found in topless bar. And the other one I loved. I could write these for the Post because a couple times I put them on Twitter, and the next day they, but when John Gotti was acquitted it said I forgot he had the guy and then I had when when Lynch

Loretta Lynch met Bill Clinton on the plane I put fucking snakes on a plane the next day and then the fucking post did it you're welcome post can't beat me when it comes to that shit anyways actor james woods bashes twitter after getting locked out i love james woods by the way this guy got like a perfect score on his sats to get into harvard as opposed to these two twinks ryan got a 228 on his verbal and a 311 on his math. And that was to get into DeVry

where he mastered in air conditioning and pud pulling. Back to the show. I actually got three questions wrong on the English and nearly all of them wrong on the math. Nearly all of them?

What did you get in the math? I got like, out of 1, of 1600 i got like 300 300 you get two for your name what were their numbers in your name all right let's go james woods has been you know lester from casino my favorite character of all time locked out of his twitter over a tweet he sent out months ago that was found to be in violation of fucking Nazi Germany, fucking Hitler Twitter rules. The tweet was posted July 20th, includes a hoax meme that said it came from Democrats and encouraged men not to vote in the midterm elections. Woods got an email from Twitter on Thursday. Oh, fancy him.

They didn't send me an email. Some guy knocked on my door and said, look, you can't shit on Barbra Streisand's face. We're kicking you off for 11 minutes. Saying the tweet has the potential to be misleading in a way that could, listen to this, impact the election. Can you

fucking imagine? But there's no bias at these companies. The email said Woods can use his account again if he deletes the tweet. Now here comes the good part. In an exclusive interview with the AP on Sunday, Woods said this means he'll be allowed back on Twitter only if he decides to do what Twitter says and accedes to the social platform's concept of free speech,

not the right to free speech outlined in the motherfucking Constitution. I added that for emphasis. He says he won't do that and he won't. He won't delete the tweet. You are correct, sir. He says free speech is free speech. It's not Jack Dorsey's version of free speech. By the way, he's 12 times smarter than Joe.

The irony, this is a quote from James Woods. The irony is Twitter accused me of affecting the political process when in fact they're banning me. Banning of me is the truly egregious interference, Woods said. It's true because he's got 1.7 million followers who lean right. Because now having your voice smothered is much more disturbing than having your vocal cords slit. If you want to kill my free speech, man up and slit my throat with a knife.

Don't smother me with a pillow. I like that quote. That was my quote in high school under my yearbook picture. Wood said if he did what Twitter asked and deletes the tweet, it would force him to watch his step with everything he says in the future, chilling free speech. Again, he noted the original tweet was reposted by his girlfriend on Friday and had been retweeted at least 12,000 times by Sunday.

His girlfriend's account wasn't locked, which he said was proof that he'd been singled out because of his large Twitter following. Exactly. He has more than 1.7 mil followers. The meme that Woods posted in July, hashtag let women decide and hashtag no men midterm. It claimed to be from a Democrat democrat group but it was determined to be a hoax campaign to encourage liberal men not to vote november woods called it a parody in his tweet he acknowledged the meme likely wasn't real saying pretty scary that there is a distinct

possibility this could be real not likely but in this day and age of absolute liberal insanity it is at least possible fucking exactly right look at the me look at the let me see those guys whole they look like every guy in every commercial do they not that's every guy and jesus christ the guy on the left he's got the teeth of fucking Mr. Ed and John Elway. Then you got a terrorist on the far right, apparently meddling in our elections from Tehran. Al-Aqba! Al-Aqba! The point being, fuck it. By the way, Twitter's doing it to me again.

I have lost four or five hundred followers in the last week and a half. They toy with half. They toy with me. They let it build up and this is whether I engage on Twitter or not. It starts going up and I'll add like five or six hundred. I'm sure they watch this shit by now. And then it'll start trickling back down for the next ten, twelve days.

And it keeps doing that. I've been stuck in the same fucking place and I'm not one of these guys that's going to get up and fucking tweet fourteen times a day a day and I didn't have to back in the day I wouldn't even go on it and I would add fucking 30-40 followers a week and

shadow banning is real it's all real fuck the high tech companies just just arrogant pompous fucking one way sea suckers finally tonight on meet the press Just arrogant, pompous, fucking one-way seasuckers. Finally tonight on Meet the Press, my favorite story of the...

A pizza shop employee at Comerica Park in Detroit was fired after a video of him spitting into customers' food went viral on Instagram. after a video of him spitting into customers' food went viral on Instagram. The employee, identified as Jalon Curley by WXYZ, is that a real station? was also arrested, according to officials who spoke with the outlet. Here's the video. now the big mistake there if you're a cook like me is everybody knows you use a white sauce when you put clams on a pizza

you ever have a white socks clam pizza from pepe's it is tremendous this stupid jerk off is putting tomato sauce over white clams. We know that's a big mistake. I'm a big fan of the clam pie, but how about that? And you know, that is, I don't know, it's supposed to bother me. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. Footage of Curly spitting into pizza was first shared on Instagram by a fellow employee who said in subsequent comments that he too was terminated for posting the video. He added that the employee spat in the video because the supervisor kept yelling at him that day.

And we have audio of the supervisor fucking yelling at him. I'm poor Phil. Do eigen arbeit. Do eigen fleiss. Eigen entflossheit. yelling at him that day. And we have audio of the supervisor fucking yelling at him. Again, he was saying, you don't put red sauce on it. Can you imagine? The customers don't deserve this. This is disgusting. And for the company to threaten me and let me go for exposing this video

to the fans is also disgusting. This is a weird one because I'm wondering if the guy who filmed it, well he put it up there but I was going to say maybe he thought it was funny. He's probably friends with the guy. But you can't fire him. He just exposed a crime.

And they arrested this kid by the way. And rightly so. Mixing white clam sauce with red sauce. My goodness gracious Eloise. How fucking gross was that? Reminds me of a quick story before I go. My wife, when she was younger, went to McDonald's, a Burger King,

and got a black curly pube in one of her burgers and shit and it made her throw up instantly. Like this was fucking years, years and years before I met her. But then she told me the story. And, um, when we were living in LA and, uh,

now when we were living in LA, we went to a place and, uh, got burgers. And I remember banking that story. And after she took a bite of the burger, I go, is that a,

is that a curly black pube in there? She fucking pulled over and threw up. You know what that means? I have the power to make her vomit at any time. All's I have to say, black curly pube. Or brown curly pube. Blonde one, she doesn't mind. I don't understand that.

I have to look into that. But I can make her throw up at will. How are those fish sticks? Is that a curly pube in those fish sticks? All right. That is it. That is it, folks. I hear we're wrapping up Jason's on the phone he looks like a time life girl selling chess sets at 3 a.m. or whatever the fuck they do on time life that

is it for today Facebook live YouTube it streams all over the place go to Nick dip.com please we're adding a ton of YouTube subscribers which is fucking great that means the show is getting out there all over the place. Go to nickdip.com, please. We're adding a ton of YouTube subscribers, which is fucking great. That means the show is getting out there.

Now, if I could convert that into, you know, sharp cheddar, let's say, I could afford a tie that's worth more than 11 cents. Anyways, that's it. Remember, you guys think it. I will say it. You're welcome.

We will see you guys tomorrow. Take care of yourselves. Such a proud we will be, let the twilight stars be, whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight, for the Lamb of God's great love. We'll be right back. Bye.