The Nick DiPaolo Show - Pelosi Privilege Prevails | Nick Di Paolo Show #1262

Episode Date: August 24, 2022

Tuesday's Primaries. Pelosi privilege kicks in. Del Rio a nightmare. Father sues schools for daughters attempted suicide. Anti-white teacher. Double-header.

作詞・作曲・編曲 初音ミク I'm going to go to bed. Here's what... Hawaii folks. Boy, boy, is it hot out there. How hot is it? It's so hot, I saw a squirrel putting a bandana on another squirrel. What? You sure you weren't in Compton? The show... Well, I'm not sure of that at all.

You're right, they were black squirrels. Ed, you fucking racist cunt. Where are you? Great, great show tonight. We got Jimmy the Greek. He's got a real theory on black athletes. Sandy Duncan playing Peter Pan. She was almost paralyzed flying over the audience the other night.

We got some footage of that. And the big funny fag, Charles Nelson Reilly, is with us. Great show. People my age at home are laughing at that. My fans in their 20s are going, fuck, did I get to Google all this shit? Anyways, how are you, folks? It's a Wednesday, which means it's the second to last day for us. That's why it makes me very happy. Not that this is heavy lifting, but nobody, I don't want to be anywhere at any time. I don't know who decided.

I'm with black people on this. A lot of black people say time is racist. They do. And they're right. Whoever, you know, because white people came up with everything. I hate to break your fucking liberal hearts, but who decided we have to spend 40 to 60 hours a week doing something we want to do? You're on the planet for eight minutes.

You know what I mean? Why couldn't it have been like fucking orgies and shit? Monday through Wednesday, and then just regular fucking the rest of the day. I don't know. I'm as lazy as the next guy. Trust me, folks. Anyhow, Eddie He. Got some dates coming up in September. This is where I'm at lazy as the next guy. Trust me, folks. Anyhow, any he.

Got some dates coming up in September. This is where I'm at, folks. I don't know that I'm not going to shut it down at the end of these six dates I'm doing. That's the first time in 30-something years in my mind as far as stand-up goes, because, I don't know. I can show up and be funny.

This scratches my itch now. But, you know, I shoveled against the tide for a long time. You know what I mean? I took the road less traveled. And, boy, I got my fucking ass slapped. Didn't even come close to getting faced. So, I don't know. I'm not saying I am or not.

But it's the first time it's ever popped into my mind. Not that anybody would give a fuck. Trust me. Especially other stand-ups. When you hear somebody, and nobody ever hangs it up, usually, you know, because it's such a great way to make a living, but when they do, nobody goes,

oh, no. Everybody goes, oh, fuck, I move up a notch. Not that I'm near the top, but anyways, I'd say I'm about eight games out of the third wildcard position as far as my career goes. Anyhow, so yeah, I don't know. It popped into my head.

It's been popping into my head. I live in Savannah. Not a comedy scene here. I guess there's one little bar that, I don't know, but they only do it probably on the weekends. They've just opened a new one. It's going to be once a month, big comedy, but it's going to be safe. It's not going to be anything good.

Yeah, no, exactly. We're in downtown? Yeah, River Street. Yeah, that's a nightmare. That's my worst nightmare. They're going to put a comedy club on River Street. You know what that means? That's an all-tourist place, which is horrible.

Absolutely, because you'll have people from Germany looking at you on River Street. You know what that means? That's an all-tourist place, which is horrible. Absolutely. Because you'll have people from Germany looking at you, then a couple from Ohio who's offended, and then a table of black people, you know, who love me, actually. They do. White liberals don't like me. Black people fucking love what I do. Just like they love

Colin Quinn. Because we're brutally honest. Colin Quinn was telling me on the phone the other day. He's in Ireland right now in Italy, vacationing for a week. He had a couple of what were they? Were they Hispanic or black? I don't know.

But he's got a new bit. He said they were fucking beside themselves laughing. And it was going after their culture and shit. and they were crying because he knows him so well. That's what it's about. That's, I mean, that's what, you don't just, and again, I don't mean to disparage like Lisa Lampanelli, but she was doing like Rickles jokes, you know, these super stereotypical.

Lampanelli's fun. I'm just saying the difference. If you treat race right, you know, if you treat it right, people laugh at it. I mean, even I remember Chris Rock saying it's the hacks who ruin the race stuff. Leave it to the professionals, you know. Anyways, so I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, we shall see. I don't, I never craved it. I'm not one of these guys that craved I have to be on state never did even when I was doing seven eight sets a night and when I first moved to New York and like an animal me a talent Louie running around I did it then it was work to me it had to be done it wasn't because I needed the attention. And most of the people in this business need that attention. A lot of nerds in high school and shit. I never had that.

Got to be on stage. You know. Anyhow, that's why I'm taking trombone lessons. So you can look forward to that. I might be touring. Oh, my. Yeah. Anyhow, all right, let's get on.

Enough of the jabber-jabber. I probably lost half ears already. Make sure to join me on Patreon. This is great. I got to say thank you to my beautiful, brilliant wife right up front, who I don't think there's anything she can't do other than make me happy. But listen, what? I mean, me, be happy. don't think there's anything she can't do other than make me happy but listen what i mean me be

no i wanted to say how i i can't make just just stop all right thanks that's my lawyer thank you you know what i needed that i had no idea anyhow but she jumped back into the mix she She's already doing enough stuff, right? She's got a million fucking things to do. And jumps into the mix and makes a spreadsheet of people who have transferred from Comic Gym to Patreon, blah, blah, blah.

You know what I mean? At night, inviting everybody who gave me a thumbs up on Facebook, however the fuck it works. And all of a sudden, like overnight, 12 more people signed up at Patreon. What I'm saying is she's worth her weight in gold. Oh! Anyways, make sure to join me on Patreon to get extra stories each day.

It's called the Nick DiPaolo Show Encore. And today, I'll be talking about, I think it's dogs dying in Michigan at an alarming rate. I'm not talking about ugly girls. That's an easy, I'm talking about actual dogs. So you'll get that extra story if you join up monthly. You'll also get access to all the past shows, including the Encore shows, discounts on merchandise and more. Visit patreon.com slash TheNickDepaloShow to sign up today.

I got a wicked sore throat. Woke up, by the way, with vertigo, which I've never... That is some creepy shit, man. I opened my eyes and I looked at the, like a chandelier in the bedroom.

Sounded like Liberace. And I couldn't believe... And it kept... It kept drifting off. Even when I was staring at it, it kept floating. It's like being was staring at it, it kept floating. It's like being on a marathon. I did not like it.

I'm good now that I'm up, but I don't want that. Let's move on, shall we? Real quick, a bunch of primaries last night. Dale spent about three hours when I wanted 30 seconds, like the poor bastard. He's like one of those little broads that make sneakers for LeBron in China. Little broads. Anyways, Bridget Fleming, U.S. House. This is New York District 1. Uncontested. Boy, you really did go all out. Look at Bridget.

Take the glasses off. I might finger pop her. U.S. House, New York District. Robert Zimmerman over John Kalman, U.S. House. I know you guys don't care about a lot of these, but Nicholas LaLotta. These are Republicans in orange, right? He beat that girl? Fucking asshole. We don't want that.

George Santos was uncontested. Whatever. Anyways, let me give you this guy. Look at this fruit cup. That's Pesci. If Pesci was gay. Mind your business. Mark Mullen, U.S. Senate, Oklahoma, Republican.

He beat T.W. Shannon. Wait a minute, T.W. Shannon's on Gutfeld's show a lot. No, he's good like us. Dresses better, too. Madison Horne, some dumb bitch. Charlie Crist, who used to be a Republican, will be running against Rubio, right? Beat this lady over here who stole Pelosi's eyebrows. Yeah, so that's kind of a big one.

And also a big one was Nadler, Gerald Nadler, who I predict will be dead within a year just because he's so unhealthy looking. I'm not kidding. I'll put money on it. Nadler beat Carolyn Maloney in an ugly race in New York for District 3, some new district, and it was a bitter ugly.

Now, she's all over the news today crying sexism. Like I said, if he lives another year, I'll be surprised. And then there were, one more thing I want to mention, Trump endorsed like six people in all these races, and they all won, I believe. That's what I read this morning, unless I read it wrong.

Anyways, and real quickly, this just in, thanks Ed. This is how the article starts. In the New York Post, which is supposed to be kind of right wing, This is how the article starts in the New York Post, which is supposed to be kind of right wing. Far right rep Marjorie Taylor Greene was swatted early Wednesday in a prank that police say was due to her views on transgender rights. So there's the tolerant left, the fucking freaks, the real domestic terrorists. If you guys don't know what swatting is, it's, I'm trying to think what I watched. Was it a documentary? What the hell was I watching? A guy did it and people ended up getting shot by accident. Some kid that's real famous for

doing it on the internet. I can't remember what I was watching. Anyways, that's when you call 911 and say, there's a shooting at so-and-so address, somebody that you know that you don't like, whatever, and they'll send a SWAT team out. And it's a dangerous situation. And it costs thousands of dollars every time they do that. But they disguise don't like, whatever, and they'll send a SWAT team out, and it's a dangerous situation, and it costs thousands of dollars every time they do that, but they disguise their voice, computer-generated, blah, blah, blah, and that happened to her, and the difference here is 9-1-1, after the SWAT team showed up at one in the morning. The same person called back claiming responsibility for the incident. Only, again, with a disguised voice

and said, I didn't like her views on transgender. So just to let you know, you know, who's doing it, but not specifically. Can you imagine at one in the morning? Far right. I hope she, I love her. I think she's great. She's got big balls and whatever. I don't like her because she's got big balls. That's a stage I went through in college. It was only a semester and a half. His name

was Dave. Swimmer. Turned into Gutfeld with the gay jokes here. Okay. Anyways, I wanted to get that out of the way. So that's what they're doing. You know, swatting people. I thought when I read it, somebody smacked across the face. Like my dad used to swat me. Right off the kitchen table. I'd go, who made the pork chops? They suck clang. Let's get on to it. Pelosi privilege.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's husband pleaded guilty to one DUI. What did I say this show's over? God, am I bad today. Toot. Wait till you guys get 60. I take a dump now, and I pull my pants up for getting a wipe. But then I'm reminded after a trail of pigeons follows me to the car. What?

You heard me. Anyways, Pelosi's husband, seen here, dumb enough to marry her, but let's be honest, she had a sack on her, a rack on her when she was younger, pleaded guilty to one DUI count through his attorney Tuesday morning for a drunken crash that left another driver injured in Napa, California. In Napa, sure. You're a real crumbum. Paul Pelosi, 82. Damn. Who did not attend the court hearing. Of course not. We'll have to serve. Listen to this. Here comes the privilege part.

Three years of probation as part of the plea deal. I just want you guys to let that settle in. If it was you, Joe Blow, drunk, hit somebody, you're not going to do it again. His attorney, Amanda Bevins, entered the plea on his behalf. Of course, she had three of Nancy Pelosi's pubes in her teeth while doing it. At the Napa County Superior Court hearing, which was streamed on Zoom. Wait, I'm going to show you the footage of the actual arrest. Not arrest, but whatever they did to him.

The arrest, I guess. But what? God, it's just. He's actually trying to the footage of the actual arrest. Not arrest, but whatever they did to him. The arrest, I guess. But what... God, it's just... He's actually trying to hold on to the cruiser while he's doing a... I had to do this, by the way. I had to do the old step test. This is right out of college. I mean, I was three sheets to the wind.

This is back in the 80s, how different it was. I was racing my girlfriend home. Shitface from Faneuil Hall. We both get pulled over. She's fine because she was working that night. And I had to do this. Luckily the road was slanted like this, and I had old high tops on that were bent that way. So I actually, you know, honest to God, it worked out beautifully.

And so I had to, this is how different it is. He goes, okay, follow your girlfriend. Make sure he gets home. Today I'd be still doing time. Here's the video of jerk off Pelosi's husband and practicing. Would you be willing to do the breathalyzer test? Well, I've only essentially done two cash, but I have to do a couple. And rather than waste your time and do a bunch of different tests, if we just do that one, that'll be...

Most of them require balancing, and I wouldn't want you to fall over and hurt yourself. Why not? It's like a gangster. fall over and hurt yourself. Why not? It's like a gangster. So the balance test, what it's going to require, so I'll explain it to you, Jay, and then you let me know if you're okay or you feel comfortable falling over. Pause.

Are they that polite with everybody? No. Because I've been pulled over a couple times. And it's more like, get your hands out of your pockets. Stand up straight. Yeah. All right, because they already know it's Pelosi's husband and they're going to be in deep shit if they do anything.

Do you mind if I tickle your sack while you're doing it? Okay, go ahead. So you can try both feet out if you want. Look, he lets him practice. Watch. Before we... I'll let you start. You can try the test with both feet. Get still with us. Like a pre-trial run for lack of better term.

You can try it with both feet. See which one you feel more comfortable with. And then once you're ready, just let me know. Look at him. Look, he's trying to get his balance. Are you sure you can complete the test? Okay. Because I really don't want you to fall over and hurt yourself. Oh, shut up.

Right, but that defeats the whole purpose of the test, grabbing onto a patrol car. That's enough. It defeats the whole purpose of holding onto the patrol car while you're trying to balance. Oh, fucking idiot. I have never obstructed justice. And I think, too, that I can say that in my years of public life

that I welcome this kind of examination. The terms of his probation, get this, include five days in jail. I love this. But Pelosi will be given credit for four days. That always happens to regular guys, right? Judge Joseph Asalga said, because he didn't want his nuts cut off by Nancy, the remaining day will be served. By the way, Sean Connery wants his beard back, chuckles. Why don't you dye your hair fucking

gray, too? The remaining day will be served on a court work program, the judge added. Oh, my aching stem. Pelosi will also have to complete a three-month drunken driving course. I'm sure he'll do that. And ignition locking device will be placed on his car for one year. Why don't you place it on his wife's mouth? Pelosi will have to pay $1,723 court fine. He just scammed some stock deal for a couple million,

but that'll really hit him in the wallet, huh? That's $1,723. It's just so ridiculous. Deputy District Attorney Amy McLeod agreed to the probation terms. Amy, again, your glasses say I'm offended by everybody that doesn't think like me. Not a bad looker. Which all the parties described as consistent with how first time DUIs are typically treated in the court, which the fact that they said that means, you know what it means? That's not how they're treated. Problem. You're the fucking problem.

Yeah, you're the problem. You fucking dog. Anyways, we got some words from Pelosi at the back of the station. They interviewed him. And then you get those dumb pedestrians. On the way over here, one old lady walked right in front of my car. I had to swerve right off the sidewalk to keep from hitting her.

Guilty. Sounds like he was over the limit to me. Call me Quincy. Anyways. Folks, I got to remind you, this show's entirely supported by you, the listeners. Thank you to those who joined on Patreon in the past week and those who made contributions.

Please continue to do so. I'll promise I'll keep working to spread honest and direct comedy if I don't retire in commentary through the show. You can contribute at nickdip.com and I'll read your name on the show. Thank you guys very much in advance. And a lot of people are doing it. God bless you. Spread the word. Headline, Del Rio Deluge. Del Rio Sector Chief headline del rio deluge del rio sector chief patrol agent jason d owens tweeted a two-part weekend recap video detailing the activities what is now the nation's busiest border patrol sector he's going to give you some statistics this is texas right uh yeah uh del rio sector okay of what the hell's going on folks what this this is permanent damage. You're not going to

undo this. And it's going to go on until jerk off, you know. Here he is telling you some numbers on what they're dealing with at the border. And by the way, Eric Adams can't handle 4,000 in New York. And Bowser, Miriam Bowser, the black mayor of D.C., wanted to use the National Guard for a couple bus handfuls she got. Just keep that in mind. This is what they're dealing with on a border situation. Hello again, everybody, from the Del Rio sector, and this is another weekend recap. Of course, it was another busy past couple of days for us here. We had nearly 3,500 apprehensions over the past two days, which meant we started off this month.

Two days. Did you hear that? 3,500 apprehensions. I love they have a recap show. It's like the NFL today. Tom Brady threw for 3-odd yards last month. And that's the ones they actually caught. That's the ones they caught.

Exactly. Go ahead. Let her roll. Monday morning at 7 a.m. with nearly 3,000 people already in custody. What do you do? I want you to remember that because I'm going to come back to it in a second. I will. I want to talk a little bit more about these apprehensions.

Of that 3,500, we encountered... Pause. Look, they're spelling out help. It's like the Ohio State marching band. Only with sombreros and trumpets. And don't forget to dot the I. What? Go ahead.

Six large groups over the past two days that accounted for nearly 1,200 of those apprehensions. groups over the past two days that accounted for nearly 1,200 of those apprehensions. Now, what's significant about that is it brings our total for the sector to 300 large groups fiscal year to date. Now, that's 300 out of more than 500 that have been encountered nationwide. I mean, we account for about 60% of all the large groups that have been encountered by the U.S. Pause. It bugs me he doesn't define what large group means

go ahead now the largest of these groups these past couple of days was over 250 people in addition to that we had almost 530 known gotaways and our men and women work in the field had 11 different rescues responding to 911 calls that were responsible for rescuing 11 persons in distress. Unfortunately, this past weekend, we had three deaths. Now, that contributed to an overall count of seven deaths this past week. Oh, no. Six were in the river alone. I want you to think about that.

That's my dad. We have our boat units out there. That boat unit was responsible for encountering and recovering six deaths in the water in one week's time all right imagine the toll nice going biden and today i read about some children drowning nice going that's called humane imagine trump was the president they talk about inhumane conditions at the border unfreaking believable This is the second weekend in a row where migrant apprehensions in the Del Rio sector exceeded 3,400. On August 16, Breitbart Texas reported a tweet from Owens showing the arrest of 3,441 migrants. Oh, my God.

It's not all Mexicans, by the way. I just don't have any Guatemalan or Venezuelan music. I broke that album. When we have the large number of people in custody that puts us over established capacity, we do have to collapse down some operations. That means to, can you imagine, temporarily to decompress what we're holding in custody.

So the people that are out there in the field have to come in and help process these people, which leaves a hole for more people to come up. And Eric Adams can't handle, you know, 4,000. The number of migrants who die while crossing or shortly after crossing the border near Eagle Pass caused a local funeral home to stop accepting migrant remains. They can't even handle, I guess. Be hard to burn them, they're all wet. For the love of God. Oh Ed. A US custom and

border protection source told Breitbart Texas that the director of Memorial Funeral Home reported his facility beyond capacity and can no longer accept remains of migrants found in the Rio Grande or on nearby ranches. And when they tell the migrants that, they go, but you don't have opening? No. But why not? Best show on TV. Wish it was TV.

Anyways, that's what they're dealing with. So think about that, you sanctuary city liberal mayors who welcome all, remember, and call the people in Texas, like Greg Abbott, you know, racist and bigoted for not, now you're getting a taste of it. Now do you get it? Remember Eric Adams?

It's going to affect our schools and stuff. Let's move on. We haven't talked about gender in a nanosecond. Gender mender. This was a sad story. And let me tell you, I'm glad this shit wasn't going on when I was a kid. Because my father would be doing time. I saw my father get mad at a doctor.

I thought he was going to choke him out. Dr. Duff. I went in with a bad shoulder. You know. Popped it out, whatever. He x-rays the middle of my back. And we're looking at...

So my father looks at him and goes, Doctor, that's not where it's bothering him and he and i never forgot dr duff kept calling him dad like a used car salesman he goes dad now listen he goes drop the dad shit my father and he wouldn't give my father the x-rays so my father went in on monday that was like on a saturday my father went in on Monday and lied to the lady. Said, I'm here to pick up the x-rays or whatever. That's a father for you. Anyways, Florida Father Wendell Perez tells the state surgeon general that Clay County District Schools

secretly transitioned his 12-year-old daughter without his knowledge and affirmed a male name and pronouns which contributed to her attempted suicide in a school bathroom. Unbelievable, man. Oh, take it easy. Take it easy. Anyways, this is him reading a letter. He's bringing a lawsuit, I believe. I don't know. I read it and I was watching the Red Sox get beat. But God, fucking, I think the day I said I think they're gonna be in the world, remember? I was praising them back in June when they were 28 and, I think the day after they started to shit the bed. They are falling like a rock.

It's kind of fun. Whoops. Oh, and by the way, Nesson, can you get more cancer talk during the Red Sox game? I've been complaining about this five albums ago, or three. I did. I mentioned my special. I said, can you keep your, you know, they raise money. Right at the beginning of the game, they go, we're going to have cancer,

people who beat cancer, people currently fighting it. Oh, great. Fun. Exactly. Take the fun out of it. And Nick, you're being, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. I will send money or whatever i will donate my point being and i'll say it again for the 80th time people go to sporting events they watch sports to get away from reality to get away from war

famine joe biden cancer we need a respite and that's, Nesson? They don't just do it one game. I have these fantasies about meeting the announcers and going, could you work more cancer into it? You know, they're interviewing a kid eight years old fighting cancer, and they're not even doing the play-by-play and shit. Yeah, we get it, you fucking virtue signaling. Aye, aye, aye. I'll send you 10 grand just to not talk about it during the game anyways this guy again the school system he claims was transitioning

the daughter without his and uh he's gonna read a letter it's pretty uh pretty uh moving good in january of 2022 i went to my daughter's elementary school to deal with a very sensitive incident. My daughter attempted suicide by hanging in one of the school bathrooms. Hey, who has it? My wife and I were told by the school counselor that it happened because of an ongoing issue with her gender identity. that it happened because of an ongoing issue with her gender identity. We were in shock because our daughter never showed any signs of questioning her biological sex. We were told that they knew about the gender issue due to meetings they were having with our daughter behind our backs. We learned that during these meetings our daughter

daughter's confusion was affirmed and validated through the use of fictitious male names and male pronouns. Our daughter was living the double life without her consent or knowledge. She was affirmed and socially transitioned in school. Due to the nature of the incident, our daughter was Baker active and taken away from us with minimal contact for over a week until she was released under our care. As a family, we had to pick up the pieces, under our care. As a family, we had to pick up the pieces, clean up the mess, and start a period of painful healing. So they, luckily they got to her, the parents found out what was going on, and, you know, long healing process, sent her to a psychiatrist, whatever, she's fine. The suicidal ideolations went right away. What is it?

I'm probably saying it wrong. Yeah, so another example. They're coming for your kids. This is all the crap that conservatives got laughed at for back in the 50s and 60s, you know, about being, you know, anti-gay, whatever the fuck. Looks like it's all coming true, I hate to admit. Again, not everybody, you know what I'm saying. I don't know who they think they are.

Didn't I just say something about a heavy show with cancer talk? We cover the news, okay? They're a sporting event. I don't want to hear about osteomycosis when a guy's rounding third as a plate to plate. It's like he is out at the plate. Billy, where'd you get that wig? Let me tell you, that thing.

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or your kids or dogs or whatever wearing this stuff. Really makes my day so much so that I take a nap after I see it all. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, nickdip.com click on the store. Thank you guys very much. Now here's Bobby and Sissy

doing when the bucket's full, dump it. Take it away, boo. The bucket's full, dump it. Anti-white racist teacher. Also a dumb cunt is the headline. Sorry, folks. Show's not for everybody. A fourth grade teacher in Utah

took to social media earlier this month questioning how the parents and students in a majority white school would react to her classroom, which she said was built, this is quote, for non-white students. For the first time in my life, this is the teacher talk, I'm going to be teaching at a majority white school, and I'm kind of interested to see how students and parents react to my classroom, or if they even notice anything about it, because it's built for non-white students, said a teacher at William Penn Elementary near Salt Lake City, Utah. Get out of my room, you sick cunt.

Look at her, Woody Woodpecker. Look at this thing. sick cunt. Look at her. Woody Woodpecker. Look at this thing. She's got glasses on like she's Joe Paterno about to weld a boat trailer hitch onto her truck.

Look it. I'm sorry. You can't judge a book by its cover. I don't know who said that. You think she... Let's put people who... Who has more issues with our society, our world, than a, whatever that is. Conan O'Brien's bastard daughter. The teacher explained that this was her first year teaching in a majority white high school.

So that triggered something in her that, you know, F them, I'm gonna, and said there are no white kids represented in many of the elements of her classroom, including the coloring pages she offers to students. Oh my God, I hate her. Fucking bitch. The teacher went on to say that while some of her classroom library includes straight cis white men, a bunch of that bugs her, who she says dominate literature, yeah, because they grade it right in and they're smart.

It is overpowered by books depicting diverse peoples, including characters of color and different gender identities and sexual orientation. You know, the groups that made up a total of 3% of the world population since time began. Let's focus on them. Ah, the homosexuals. The principal of William Penn. Who goes to a school and names it after an insurance company? Let's focus on them. Ah, the homosexuals. The principal of William Penn, who goes to a school, names it after an insurance company, elementary, issued a statement late Sunday saying it was her personal commitment

to ensure every student feels safe and welcome. This is the principal being against it. The teacher's saying, no, you make everybody, including white kids. And it's inappropriate for any employee to make students feel unwelcome in any way. She should have said added even a white one, shape or form.

So the principal doesn't like this. I'm sure she's talking a good game. Let's see what happens. The principal also noted the teacher had deleted the social media post. Oh, did you? Why is that? Apologize for her comments. Do you know how far left you have to be off the reservation to get blowback from the left

on Twitter and social media? And that the district was investigating the situation to identify whether any district policies had been violated. Just reverse it. Make it a straight woman. Again, I should have done reverse. I can't remember. Can you imagine a white straight woman going, I'm just doing, my class is built for white kids. And don't give me that that that's whataboutism. Yeah, it's exactly what the fuck it is. Are you saying he knows nothing about these matters? To

my knowledge, nothing. I'm going to find out what the hell happened here. All right, this committee is now adjourned. A spokesman for the Granite School District told Fox News Digital, it would be in violation of our district policies to teach anything other than the approved curriculum and standards or to discriminate against any student. Then why would you hire a dope like this in the first place? Well, I don't want to prejudge.

Why? They're prejudging you. As soon as our investigation is complete, we anticipate taking appropriate corrective action. Hey, unless that's putting her against a wall and giving her her last cigarette and opening fire, I don't want to hear about it, okay? Bye-bye, dickhead. Woody Woodpecker. Anyways. It's not the last story, is it?

Yep. All right. Boy, the show up, I was having fun. I'm actually enjoying doing this more and more. That, well, you compare it to my cello lessons.

It's really, no comparison. What's the headline of the story? The final, buy me some penis and Cracker Jacks. The Oakland Police Department

has launched an investigation after two MLB fans at the A's Mariners game on Sunday, allegedly engaged in a sex act in the stands at Ring Central Coliseum. You can't really, it's hard to zoom in, but you know at home you do it on your phone, you go like this with your fingers. You can see her head going up and down clearly.

Those people in the way up there, the top row, that's a guy sitting with his girlfriend between his legs facing him, and her head, she's blowing him. Ben Scully, I wish he was here to see that. Oh, my. Look in 334. That guy's getting his helmet shrugged. Look at that.

Unbelievable. Well, you have to admit, it's not an exciting game, and due to the lack of interest in Oakland, they're all by themselves. Hot dogs. Get your hot dogs. Look it. Gobble, my God. So funny.

I don't know how I feel about this. What else are you going to do in an A's game? Exactly. That's what they should have said when I interviewed them. Hey, when they're in contention, we'll keep our pants on. Get a nice hummer. I'm jealous of the guy. He's watching a live ball game on a nice day, getting a humseringo.

That chick's a player. Or as Uncle Junior said, she was game as they come. The Oakland Police Department was not alerted to this incident until after the game, and we were advised that the A's staff slash cameras did not capture video. Of course not. You got to rely on the guy with the phone. Of this, during the game, we have initiated an investigation. And Ben Scully said, and his dick kangarooed into the stands, said OPD public information officer Candace Keys. So she's on the case.

I'm going to find out what the hell happened here. Apparently she's transitioning. However, the parties have not been identified, and no one has been cited slash arrested at this time. Like, they don't have better shit to do in Oakland. People are getting carjacked every three minutes. But, you know, let's get on the blowjob caper. The violation, oh, of course, I knew this.

Happened to me once. I did it at a Little League game. That wasn't funny. And it was one of the, a kid named Jimmy the Shortstop. The violation is 647A PC, loot acts in public. If charged, ladies and gentlemen, and convicted, the couple will be shot on November 11th at the stadium during, oh, no more Raiders. If charged and convicted, the couple could face up to six months in El Slamarini and a fine of

$1,000. During Oakland's event, I love how they had to give you the score. During Oakland's eventual 5-3 win against the Mariners, a fan in attendance tweeted the video that appeared to show the two fans sitting by themselves in the top left corner of a section 3-3-4. So remember that if you guys have tickets up there. No, exactly. That's not soda on the seat. So anyways, that's the big caper in Oakland. It was bat night, apparently, in section 334. That is it, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I want to thank you people, of course. I'm excited. I don't get excited about much. You know that. I like the ID network. They find somebody floating in a pond. I like that type of stuff that I like the ID network they find somebody floating in a pond

I like that type of stuff I like to cook I love college in NFL football and I like lesbians in their late 20s oh yeah anyways I know I brought up patreon a couple of times in today's show but I just want it to be clear that the comics gym is no more. And I really appreciate all of you listeners that moved from that platform over to Patreon, like Justin Morgan, Squishy Sanders, Josh Graham, Chris Logan. Good names I can pronounce.

Hush Graham, Chris Logan, good names I can pronounce, Jason McCoy, Jamie Puccio, Don Roberson, Jim Greco, Whitney Roberts, also Jay Vassar and Chris Wemmuller, who both signed up to support the show for a full year. I'm really happy to welcome all of our new patrons. This is what got me excited since last night or a couple days ago. Jared Skinner, Jason Bowers, Daniel Diaz-Gonzalez, Kirk Simeonitis, Nick Kell, and the following folks who signed up, again, for the whole year. Kevin Naughton. Bob Daugherty. Bob Moriarty. Raymond Nadwodny.

Brian Douglas. Dennis Trippoletti. Petey Swackhammer. Now batting. Number 24, left fielder, Swackhammer. Swackhammer. For those of you that want to support the show with a one-time or automated monthly contribution,

you can do that at nickdip.com like these guys did. I thank you so much. Oh, these people did that. I'm sorry. Jeff Patterson. More. Ralph Ledger. Buddy Paul Sagnella, who's always in there.

That is it. Again, thank you. Don't forget Cameo.com if you want me to roast a friend or a relative. Go to Cameo.com or, you know, I can roast him

and say happy birthday. Whatever. Guy played one at his wedding. I think he got divorced like a month later. That is it. You guys think and I always say

you're very welcome. See you back here for the final day of the week tomorrow. Take care, everybody. Oh, yeah guitar solo Outro Music