The Nick DiPaolo Show - Phone Call Biden's Undoing? | Nick Di Paolo Show #1432

Episode Date: July 24, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Biden phone calls, a little golf, Nugent and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 I'll go home and get your fucking shine box. Start with me. Don't. Hey, how are you, folks? That was a fast weekend, was it not? Welcome to the show, Fil are you, folks? That was a fast weekend, was it not? Welcome to the show, Filthy Monday, state of Georgia. Good weekend, I guess. I don't know. Good night, everybody. I hate the beginning. Whether it's, and Luis, any comic will tell you, at least

in stand-up, that's the worst part, the beginning of the show. You're just fucking, there's no way to, when are you supposed to come out and take a dump and kick it into the audience and go, hey, I'm funny. What's going on, folks? You have a good weekend? And the wife right now is, her best friend, who she grew up with, stayed at her house last night. who she grew up with, stayed at her house last night. They're going to tour those plantations in Charleston, like three different ones. I don't know.

I think the wife wants to be a slave master or some shit. She won't do it in the bedroom, but in real life, she's all over the shit. So they're staying away tonight. I'm all excited because I got the house to myself. I forgot I'm not 18. And in high school, what am I going to do? Oh, I got the house.

I was actually saying a call, and I got the house to my, what am I going to do? I'm going to jerk off in every room instead of the fucking behind the boiler in the basement like I usually do. What the fuck? I'm actually in a good mood. And I love my wife. She's a great woman. I just fucking like a good mood. And I love my wife.

She's a great woman. I just fucking like my quiet time. You know? And if the dog starts barking, I get to kick it. Nobody, even Dallas is like, why are you going to go there, man? That's not, well, I'll tell you why.

Man, fuck you and your bone spurs. Red Sox Mets this weekend. Sox took two out of three. They hit five bombs in one game, I think. Yeah, so it's so funny. They're coming into... I've got to say this about them. This most interesting team, because they're coming

into... If they had goddamn Trevor Story all year, and Duvall, I'm telling a bit of a different story. Because now they get these rooks. Again, you guys don't give a shit about this, but that kid Tristan Kassus that paints his nails, he's about 6'4", 240, big space cadet. I fucking love him.

He's starting to not miss the ball now. He had three, four homers over the last week. Hit two bombs the other night against the Mets. And this kid, Jaron Duran, who might be the fastest guy in the league, our center fielder, he used to swing and miss every... Now he's making contact every... It's getting

fucking good. It's getting fun, man. Anyways, what else? So Dallas, yeah. Dallas is brave. My Sox have got a couple coming up. That'll be fun. They both fucking hit the ball out of the park. Or it's going to be a pitching duo. No, you're

right. Actually, I always get it. No, I think you're right. We always get excited that it's a fucking one hitter. It's like watching soccer. Here's how I know I'm doing good with my diet. I'm still fucking right. I'm still like the right? I'm still at like, the 19 pounds is still up.

I made my wife pizza for herself and I took one bite of a fucking slice that was the size of a Dorito. You know how hard that is? I made it by fucking hand. I cooked in a goddamn oven. Watching her eat it, I'm jerking her. It's like,

can I say that? I don't know. UFC this week. Real quick. My favorite fighter of all time, Justin Gaethje. He's Mexican American, Arizona. He was a world class wrestler in college. And he can box. Anyway, he's

fighting this stud Dustin Poirier. I think he's Louisiana boy. Hands Dustin Poirier, I think. He's a Louisiana boy. Handsome guy. Does all the right things. Takes money. Opens these charities.

Helps kids out. Just a badass. He kicked the shit out of Conor McGregor like it was, you know. They're fighting each other, which is, to me, a dream matchup. And that's about it. Tom Brady picking up some Russian supermodel. I'd pay $1,000 to sniff his fingers. Anybody else?

But I think this one, Irina Shayk, whatever, she's a Russian supermodel. That sounds like you'd make it up. Well, who would you want to fuck? A Russian supermodel. Wasn't that broad with anybody who makes over $20,000 a year. No, Leonardo DiCaprio.

It doesn't matter. I'm just saying, what a life these fuckers live. Don't get me wrong. I'm not banging the chubby coat check girl at Costco. Do they have a coat thing at Costco? Oh, and we also went, Dallas, to that local bar with the bowling alleys. What's it called?

Moon, whatever, yeah. Moon? Come on. Yeah, Moon Rites, exactly. It's like duck pin or whatever the fuck. I get up there, of course I throw the ball too hard. One of the pins fucking almost shot to the...

Let's get on with the goddamn show. Sorry to bother you folks. But, you know, it's a recap of the weekend. People like to hear that, apparently. Not the perfect phone call.

That's the headline. What in God's name is it? Hunter Biden, he would dial in his father, then Vice President Joe Biden at the time, on speakerphone to meetings with his overseas business partners, according to testimony expected before Congress this week from Devin Archer, seen here with the best hair since, I don't know, Kevin McGillicuddy,

the first son's former best friend. our best friend. Our chair, 48, who is facing jail for his role in a $60 million bond fraud, is scheduled to testify to the House Oversight Committee about meetings he witnessed that were attended by who? Joe Biden, either in person or via speakerphone

when Hunter would call his father and introduce him to foreign business partners or prospective investors. Give me the money. Give me the fucking money. Can you imagine? I know we do the double standard, but if that was fucking Trump, do you? This is all the shit they accused Trump, right?

Crooked. The organization is crooked. Don Jr. is in on it. Remember they questioned the whole thing. It is un-fucking-real. And again, I'm sticking with my theory biden i really don't think the dems want him as as the nominee i i still believe he's not gonna be and i think when you and this is how you can tell when you start seeing a lot of negative shit

about uh about joe biden and and the media starts letting it out even like cnn's banging on him you know because they work in cahoots. I think of this be the perfect example, you know, they won't put him in jail or anything, but they'll make him step down. Either that or he'll just fall coming out of the White House. One such meeting was in Dubai late in the evening on Friday, December 4th, 2015, after a board meeting of the Ukrainian energy company, Barisma, which was paying Hunter 83 grand a month as a director. Archer, who also was a director, is expected to testify that after dinner with the Barisma board at the Arab Hotel, he and Hunter traveled six miles north to the Four Seasons Resort, Dubai,

blah, blah, beach, to have a drink with one of Hunter's friends. While they were sitting outside at the bar, Vadim Pozarsky, a senior Burisma executive, phoned to ask where they were because Burisma's owner, Mikhail Zosvikev, fuck you, Jack Smith, needed to speak to Hunter urgently. Soon afterward, the two Ukrainians joined Hunter and Archer at the Four Seasons Bar,

and Pozarsky asked Hunter, can you ring your dad? At the time, it was early afternoon, Friday in D.C. Hunter then called his father. Put him on speaker, speakerphone. Hello? speaker, speakerphone, placed the phone on the table and introduced the Ukrainians to Joe Biden by name.

The two guys, Nikolai and Vadim, I think they taped some of the conversation. Comrade, here is something that might be of interest to you. A transcript. He also said words to the effect that Burisma bigwigs need our support.

That's Hunter talking to his dad. Vice President greeted the Ukrainians, but spoke only in vague pleasantries during the short call. And in other such interactions with Hunter's overseas business partners, Archer is expected to testify. Okay. I don't even know. Remember the Hatch Act?

Isn't that something when you, oh, that only, when you try to go behind the administrator, well, he's part of the administration, but you know what the Hatch Act, right? When you try to deal with a company overseas on your own, whatever. I'm paraphrasing, but I got busted for that.

The snatch act. I was talking to a girl my wife didn't like. What? Cut! But do you see what I'm saying? What more evidence? And like Dallas said, nothing's going to happen. But I say the only reason it might is, like I just said, they might want him out of the way because he's not exactly polling on fire. But then you hear other things.

You're like, oh, it's all lies. What am I even talking about? Oh, in some polls, he's beating Trump. He never beat Trump in a poll ever. I'm just picturing those rallies he used to have with four cars standing on a ladder. Hey, in the second half of the show, boys and girls, I'm going to be talking about Joe Biden again, stoking the, well, his administration's... Fucking dog's ass.

Biden administration stoking the racial fire once again with a new monument they're going to put up in a few states, just to remind you how racist you are. And you won't believe what great white sharks are addicted to. And it's not minnows, okay. It's exclusively on mug club. So join now to get it at nickdip.com. That's different than what I've been telling you. I guess this is a different, better way of doing it at nickdip.com. Okay. Okay. Kids. Hey boys and girls head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more.

It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick-a-shirts. Just go to NickDip.com and click on Store. Again, that's NickDip.com. Click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Great to be with you.

The pride of Savannah. Brian Harmon. Look, I'm not a big golf dude. I like miniature. I can't. Did I tell you? Dallas, no, you weren't. I don't think you were working here when I told this story of miniature golf. I was't. Did I tell you? Well, Dallas, no, you weren't. I don't think you were working here when I told this story of miniature golf.

I was drunk in high school on like a Friday night. And you know my late great friend Zook? It's his parents' miniature golf course. Not his parents, his grandparents. Or uncle, uncle, sorry. Anyways, they had the restaurant and a miniature golf. It was crammed every weekend. I get a few drinks in me. I'm with my buddies. I miss some big pot that would have won the whole

Open. Dallas. So I bounce the fucking ball and I take my club. And I was going to fake swing under it or over it. Do you know what I mean? Just to make them laugh. Of course, don't I hit it? Dude, you could hear it whistling. There's kids. There's kids. There's adults. It is packed. And it's head high.

You can hear it whistling through the... All of a sudden, I see a van in the parking lot with a windshield. Busted a corner of the fucking windshield. I put the club down like Bill Murray in Caddyshack and I just fucking went in the restaurant and hid the rest of it

how fucking, my friends never let me fuck, I thought I was going to get arrested for murder, you could hear the thing whistling head high, little kids are running around shit, anyways, it's a great game Brian Harmon, why I'm talking about golf, this guy's from Savannah, and he won the British Open.

He put the British Open to sleep on Saturday, and it never woke up on Sunday. Here he is sucking the tits of the trophy. The butcher of Hoylick, which the British tabloids dubbed Harmon because of his affinity to hunt and butcher his own meat, like him again. It's a Georgia boy. He butchered the British open field.

The 36-year-old Harmon cruised to victory at the 151st Open at Royal Liverpool, capturing his first career major championship and first win of any kind since 2017. Harman finished on 13 under, six shots clear. That's a smoke show of runners-up. John Ram and Sepp Straka, who I had money on, Tom Kim and Jason Day, seven under, and eight better than tournament favorite and world number two, Rory McIlroy.

And Emiliano Aguilo, six under. Westchester's Cameron Young. The reason they're saying Westchester is because this was a New York Post article. Westchester's right above New York where I lived. Cameron Young, who finished runner-up at last year's Open after shooting 65 in the final round. Wow, I didn't realize it. Was in second place entering the day, five shots behind Harmon and in the final pairing, but he never got it going. He shot 71 and finished five under for the week. So the last man standing tall and hoisting the fabled Claret Jug

and McMahon, no, and the Reign was the diminutive five foot seven Harmon who entered the week having won only two PGA Tour events and 339 stars. Hey, most people don't even get on the tour. That's not bad.

Posting, how about this? He's posted 50 top 10 wins. You're a good golfer. I mean, good for him. Hey, everybody. So he won it. We're about to get laid. Apparently, the late night great comedian,

my late great buddy, Norm MacDonald, who was an avid golf fan, was a huge fan of Harmon. He actually tweeted this guy a few years ago during a tournament, during a Twitter debate with Robert Drummond about Tiger Woods ahead of the final round of the 2018 Valspar Championship, in case you didn't think this story could get any more random. Somehow, the former SNL star shifted the conversation to Harmon and how announcers are always unfairly mentioning the golfer's 5'7 lack of height during the broadcast. Harmon thanked McDonald for sticking up for him. And then Norm responded with this tweet that's looking pretty Don Prussian right now. And Norm was always generous, man. He says, Brian, I love watching you.

You have it all. You can hit it a mile and feather it around the greens. But when you're majors, the master is likely being your first. Is your easy perfection with the blade respect? I'm guessing that's the putter. Mean Dallas. Maybe he just carried a fucking knife on him. That'll get the force in front of you moving.

So that's kind of cool, man. Savannah, Georgia. I used to watch the British show. It was my favorite one because it's like the purest form of golf. There's weeds and shitting, right? And the night before the guys are all trying to scotch and they're all fucked up. A lot of time it's in Scotland, isn't it? My brothers played these courses. Who the fuck do you think he is? He's a good golfer. That's who the fuck he is. Anyways, let's move on, shall we?

Uncle Ted talks smack. Who are you talking about, Nick? You know who I'd be talking about. This guy was a guest on my show a couple years ago. I want to have him back, but I'm too nervous. My boy Ted Nogen is as good a guitarist as there ever was. I always talk about the... This is him at a concert. I think he said this when I was at Cape Cod Coliseum too,

but this is the Gonzo live album, which I played till it fucking melted. This is Ted talking to the crowd. That even wants to be a little bit mellow now, is there? Anybody wants to get mellow, you can turn around and get the fuck out of here, all right? Do you hear me? That even wants to be a little...

I'm going to start doing on this show. I'm going to be a little bit mellow. You can turn around and get the fuck out of here, all right? The Motor City Madman, Ted Nugent, is the latest star to weigh in on Jason Aldean's controversial Try That in a Small Town. Blasting idiots. I thought this was about double parking. Who's a fag?

That in a Small Town. Blasting idiots who hate the song in an interview. I love Ted. He was the best guy around. He's still around. He ain't going nowhere, Uncle Ted. I know there's been a bunch of idiots out there, he says, but you need to learn to get a kick out of those idiots. The idiots hate this Jason Aldean song

because they hate when we push back against violence, he told Fox News Jimmy Failure. Here's part of the interview. The idiots hate this Jason Aldean song because they hate when we push back against violence. Well, I guess I did a bullshit job editing that out. They always get it 180 degrees wrong. This song is against violence.

This song is about self-defense. This song is about protecting your loved ones in your neighborhood. If you find fault with a song that celebrates protecting your loved ones in your neighborhood, you might be going down to Target to the Satan display and getting on your news. These are just weird people. We dismiss them out of hand because they've got no soul. I laugh in their face. Amen, Teddy.

Uncle Ted laying it down. Jimmy fail. I don't know what you're trying to tell us with these pink coats. Fucking A. These are just weird people. We dismissed them out of hand because they've got no soul. I think I just said all that. Boy, I did a bad job.

Anyways, he says, Ted went on to say, I've always stood up radically, you know, really extremist for things like God, family, country, Constitution, Bill of Rights, Ten Commandments, rule, work ethic, law and order, all that really radical stuff, he said tongue-in-cheek, and that represents the heart and soul of the best, most passionate, most cocky, I love that he added that, most fun people in the world, he said. That fits me except for all the religious shit and the pussy. What? After country music television, CMT, pulled his song from circulation, a slew of critics attacked the singer for the allegedly pro-lynching song. It skyrocketed to number one on the charts and garnered support from others, including Nugent. So that blew back in their face. And you blew it. I fucking love it. You blew it. The reach of social media gets to good people

all over the world and all the good people in the world are saying what Nugent family says. Go Jason, go. We salute you and we stand with you.

Teddy Nugent said. You are correct, sir. Absolutely, baby. For those of you guys on Mug Club right now, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more.

Yeah? Yeah. Sure. guitar solo Outro Music