The Nick DiPaolo Show - Pot Makes Me Sick | The Nick DiPaolo Show #1941

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

In today's episode Nick talks about Uber Cops, Marco Hitting The Mark, Pot Pukers, More Money Ruining CFB, A Racing Robot Roasted and A Plane Crash in FL! WATCH THE FULL SHOW LIVE & FREE at 6pm ET only on Rumble! https://rumble.com/thenickdipaoloshow/ TOUR DATES, SOCIALS, PERSONAL VIDEOS, STREAM ALL MY COMEDY SPECIALS! https://www.nickdip.com/ MERCH - GRAB A MUG, TSHIRT, HOODIE, STICKERS AND MORE! https://shop.nickdip.com/

Places the lotion in the basket. Oh, shut up. Sounds like a date I have, but I lived in Queens. It's after she tasted my big Ziti. Oh, come on. That's a great opening. Come on, folks. Fucking Monday.

Dallas has to catch a flight right after show tonight, so we're ripping through this. And I want to mention something else. This show was originally intended to be 45 minutes. I don't even have to mention this, but I'm going to anyways, just because that's how I am. and then Glenn Greenwald got a show in front of us so they asked me to do an extra 15

to run into his show but that's not the case anymore and I'd rather do 45 because I can work at a pace that's funnier than doing a fucking hour so probably it'll be 45, 50 minutes and you're probably not even going to notice the difference so I should have not brought it up but I'm just saying it allows me to work at the pace I want to work at So, and it benefits you in the long run.

So welcome to the live lineup. Free shows all day. If you want, add free shows, join Rumble Premium. Don't forget to follow my channel and download the Rumble app. Today I'll be talking about UberCop. Great story, but an UberCop helping out the cops, if you want to call him cops, two fat chicks. Marco Rubio, who I've been a fan of quietly,

because I don't know, he just didn't, you didn't see him that much. He has never disappointed me when I'm seeing him on Sunday morning shows. Even when he was debating Trump, I'm like, this guy, there's something, he's very serious. He fucking hates communism, socialism. He gave a speech, I don't even know, a week ago, a couple weeks ago, at one of those, you know, freedom, fun, whatever, things in front of a live audience. It's 10 minutes. This fucking thing. I forgot the one I usually wear, so I keep one in the car, the one I don't like, and here it is.

You fucking, I cannot wait. Anyway, so he gave a speech. It is the best argument against socialism, and he is presidential material, and I love J.D. Vance. Either way, I don't care. We'll show you that. I don't know if I'm going to show you the whole 10 minutes or not. We might. It's so goddamn good.

What else we got? We got a great footage of it. China's having like Robot Olympics over there. These fuckers have fun, don't they? Is that we're going to be facing soldiers that can run a fucking 1.440? A woman lands a fucking plane in the ocean. Surprise. You ever see in parallel park?

Get the fuck out of here. No, she's young. 22 years old, more balls than I'll ever have. That's about it. Some tragic shit that we'll laugh at later on. Anyways. Weekend review, socks, sweep, the giants, which they should. two comeback wins.

I was telling Dallas before the game in the first couple months of the season and I know you're sick, but it's the most interesting like Dallas said, other papers are talking him. All right. The fuck. I think he made this for a fat woman. What a huge mout. You can't hardly see. I'll just hide my teeth like this.

A pair of, what was I talking about? This sucks. They had to come from behind twice, and they do. And I was telling Dallas the first two months of the season, they were one in, 29 when they got down by two runs. One in 20, you could go to bed after they, and this was at Fenway too. They couldn't, fucking.

They now lead all of baseball or the American League, I know, in comeback wins. It's the fucking weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life. I know you're sick of hearing about it, but they're solely in a playoff spot already. Anyways, I read the Bible last night. You know, my action Bible, it's like a comic book. I got to tell you, it's not helping me believe. the stories are just too goddamn I mean Disney puts up more realistic

I don't mean to be blasphemous but Jesus literally but you know it's like Joshua talking to God the Canaanites are coming empty this river so I can build a house and he does

come on my wife well it's you know some of it's meant to be like allegorical oh is it it's symbolism and stuff well that's like when you go a movie and it goes, some of the events are based on true. I don't like that. So is he a magician

or not? Watch Jesus pull a rabbit out of, you know, leper's ass. Oh, that's not nice. I'm just saying, there's a million things. Make it rain so these guys can't get across the river. He does. Come on. Not even any cloudy day, just the... I'm trying, folks. I'm trying. I was actually pricing crucifixes on TikTok. They're really nice. But then it goes $18. And I go, okay, what part of China is that coming from?

Does Jesus? They don't even believe in Jesus over there. Kidneys, all I did was read about kidneys. Well, the Bible, then kidneys. About my kidneys. And I swear to God I could take a test and do pretty well to become a nephrologist, as they say. I don't know fucking going bald

I can't wait to be dead I'm going to be honest I'm a shallow fuck I had so much fun when I was young between the comedy the drunk waitresses the fucking fat co-check girls

it was a ball it's all over has been for a long time I want to die I'm kidding that's why I read the Bible I'm trying to prepare so the kidneys

yeah we talked about that right 52% That's not good. So what did I? I stayed out of the bars this weekend. That'll give him a little rest, right? That was my thinking.

Also, Iran is trapped, I guess, economically. Trump, don't have a doubt him. Now there's other people who would doubt Trump going on, he's got him in a bind. Why do we ever trust the guy? Not trust him. He's got that guy, that gay guy, Bacent,

Paul Bissent, whatever, the economics guy who's a genius and he apparently knows how to fuck with other countries too. That's a tough gay guy. Ooh. Tough Jews. So, yeah, apparently they have them in some type of, he's calling, Trump's calling an economic D-Day. He's telling, excuse me, and I thought he already did this, any of our allies not to do business with, and they're listening to us.

And apparently 200 boats got through the straight of home. moves that Iran says they control. That was just this weekend. So I don't know. And I'm sick of hearing about socialism and socialist winning all these meaningless elections. And let me tell you, if they get even a, it's already, somebody, it was great. Somebody goes, and again, in the comment section, but it made such sense.

Can't you see that socialist Islamists are using the Democrat Party in this country to take over this country. It's as easy as that. It's not as easy for them. I'm saying I don't think they have a prayer. This shit is going to sound silly when the actual elections come around, I think. And if it doesn't, and if they get any more traction than they do, again, it's proving my point. If they do well and they actually take over, I don't know, the House or whatever, the Democrats, because of the DSA, it's just proven my thing. Elections are phony. Because there's no way anybody in this fucking country other than a handful of people, and I mean a handful of people believe in the shit that they're preaching.

It's just proving my point. It's fucking making me sick, though. No, police, open the, what are you? And you jerk off to vote Democrat? Really? That's not enough to you to change sides. Eat a dick. Fucking die in front of your kids.

But Trump. Yeah, but Trump. But Trump. he's only locked the fucking border. If he just did that alone, and that's the problem. If he just, any president just did that alone, it would be enough to get elected again. But he's done way more than that.

Do you know crime as it record lows in all cities? I mean, record fucking murders. Some go back to the early 1900, some of these records. And he's cleaned up some, I mean, no, what president is? did even that. Never mind, shut off the illegal immigrant flow. That should be enough to fucking people, if this was really a normal country, but you get a bunch of whining bitches, and the gas

went up a quarter. And I said it, and I swear to God, people on TV watch my fucking podcast and get ideas. Remember, I was saying a month ago, shut the fuck up and look at the big picture. Or you're going to pay 50 cents more for gas. Then do it or get a real fucking job. Because there's bigger things to fry. Can you like? Let him fucking, he's taking care of events that affect the globe. Just, just try to, we're so soft as a society. Such spoil fucking bitches. Can I talk about the Red Sox?

That's about it. Made that octopus again. I got to do that for you guys. You will, you will make me do whatever you, it's fucking insane. I made it for Andy. She had a friend staying over. And I made eggplant meatballs. This is good shit.

This is real ginsop. I remember when you made that. Did we do it for a bitch in kitchen? I don't think we did either. But I remember you liked them. It's like making a regular meatball only with, you know, fucking you know what.

Eggplant. And the eggplant is tremendous. Anyways, that's enough of that horseshit I guess. Uber cop, a pair of Houston police officers. I call them fat security guy chicks. And I'll say it again, and I don't give a fuck with this, ladies, I can see why I only have five

percent demographic as far as female. I'll give a fuck. There should be no female cops, not a one. Not a one. Lawyer is fine, very smart. But as far as things that take physical strength and whether it's a firefighter or a cop, you've got no business being there. You're only as strong as your weakest soldier, as they say.

In this clip, you're going to see two fat chicks. I think they look like twins. I don't know if they were sisters. Didn't they? They built the same, same height. Chase in a, you know, anyway. A pair of Houston police officers hopped in an Uber while trying, a hoop, trying to run down a fleeing suspect and got the stunned driver to join the chase. Dash cam footage captured the wild moment.

Officers got into driver Anthony Bain's car. He was in shock while he was on his way to pick up a fair, or a fair, on August 8th. There's two videos here. Here's the first one. Which way did he go? Over there. Look at these two. This is an Uber driver. They can't even talk. They're so winded. Y'all fat fuck, look at you.

And the music. You can barely hear the background in the car. He's like, still has this little relaxing music. I know. That's true. if this was a music score for a movie like, what are you doing? It's a fucking chase scene. You're playing the theme from Shinla's list? Baines who kept his cool during the wild encounter stopped to pick up the cop's partner who was given chase

but being outrun by, I'm guessing a young black male which most people are going to be outrun by. Well, here's the second video. Yeah, I was good. Oh, I'm sorry. I fucking, go ahead. My bet. Look at it. There she is. He's already gone.

He's gone. Here comes the other one. Oh, I'm sorry. I guess that, I guess he might have been the first. Yeah. He almost hits. She hits.

Go, go, go, go. Go, go. Hey, fuck off. He was a soldier, apparently. Pick her up. I bet. De Leon, get in. What about the Italians?

Delian! What is he said? You got, you little... You got my sandwich? Which way did he go? Over here. Okay. Anyways, he got away.

Surprise. Yeah, surprise. Y' surprise. Y'all fat fuck, look at you. Anyways, before the car took off again, sped around the corner to the officer's patrol vehicle, according to the scene unfolded when police responded to a call of an armed man threatening to shoot a woman

and her kids at a pool. This country has gone mad. By the way, you women, I don't know what's going on with you. I'm not even mentioned in the two stories they were so such downers but you know that woman in Massachusetts that killed her kids her three

I mean toddlers strangled them because she had postpartum whatever the fuck she had a bunch of hundreds of women in the street with pink shirts on defending her you girl you know I don't want to hear about the evil of men anymore you guys apparently

rape young boys at school and now you're just killing kids. And this is popping up all the time. And I know there's guys who do it to, they commit suicide and take their family. Right now the lady, so good for you. You can do anything a man can do. Good for you, family.

I swear to God, that's why they're out there. Those ladies in pink shirts, they're out there celebrating that you can kill a nine-month-old fetus. So now they're clapping when they're actually two, three years old. You're fucking evil. Not all women, obviously.

I got a great joke about that, too. You know how we can't say all black people are criminals or whatever? If we could just find those other four, that might be one of my best in a long time. I used to swim in that type of material. You know that. And nobody could talk me because it was smart and it was based on logic and a little bit of racism. Not really. Surveillance video captures the suspect running past Baines' car with the officer.

office in Brazil. The unorthodox moved by the cops isn't against the rules. Who said that? The head of the union for the police said you can you can do that. It's not against the rolls. I know a thing or two about a thing or two. There's nothing that prohibits anyone from doing it used to police officer union president Doug Griffith. Hey Doug, let me ask you a question. Anything against fucking not hiring fat broads? Yeah, height and weight. Exactly. I, you know, I see it at the airport too. You ever look at TSA or even not that the ones that are walking around that are supposed to be security? I'm 64.

I could knock these broads on their fucking ass unless they, you know, stunned me, which I kind of want to feel that. I do and I don't. You see some fucking guys getting stunned. Apparently it hurts. There's also nothing that prohibits them from, from, it says, Fron, from going. No, I'm not going to do that. I don't want to be involved. They can say that too,

which is the way it should be, by the way. But if you do that, you're not a patriot. Anyways, the suspect eventually got away because, again, he was being chased by two short order cooks for Marby's. Not to be sexist. La, la, la, la. Hey, Hope.

Don't tell me my business, boy. Quint, don't push it like that. No, don't tell me my business. Tor Reed. November 5th, Pontius, Atlanta, Georgia. November 6, Rivers Casino, Philadelphia. November 7th, that's three nights and all. Soul Jones, Pots, Dom, PA. Tommy, you better be coming with me on these. And Tommy, I said, try to dig one up for October, so I can die quietly at some, you know,

hyenas or something. Go to nickdip.com to get your tickets before they're sold out. While you're there, go to the merchandise page, all kinds of stuff. And good stuff, I might add. hats, hoodies, t-shirts, wear it pissed the right people off. Also, if you want to send a personalized video to someone, I'll say what you're thinking, so you don't have to, you book that at shoutout. Us.

I don't know what it means. It's U.S. period, so there's no, so I'm saying us. I'm just being grammatically correct. Anyhow, any he. Let's take a look. I just stumbled over this. It's a pretty recent speech, I think, he gave.

doesn't matter. I don't care if he gave it a year ago, but I think it's a few weeks ago. I just stumbled over this and started to watch it. He's at a faith. You can read the background. I can't keep his faith foundation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay? He's not at a DSA convention. But this guy, if you want a presidential speech, he ought to keep this. He could break this out at any time, especially for these elections, or give it to somebody. but this is Marco Rubio and like he said he goes he'll explain to he goes I haven't given the speech

he says because they haven't had an opportunity to it's about 10 minutes long I'll play it by ear how much I want to watch but go ahead roll it so I'm going to give a speech I've never given before not because I haven't believed it but because the opportunity hadn't presented itself

I think as you heard from Ralph I hate Marxism and I hate communism And I hate it because everywhere in the world that's ever been tried, it's led to tyranny and poverty and exile and oppression. And there's a mistake that people have made. Maybe some of us, maybe and myself have been guilty of. And that is the belief that somehow Marxism is dead. That Marxism is now something that crazy people at the faculty club at some university talk about, but it isn't really alive anymore.

The other mistake we make is that Marxism is some sort of economic theory. Neither one of those things is true. Marxism is not dead and it's not an economic theory. What's happened is that Marxists realize what the track record of Marxism is around the world, so they don't want to call themselves Marxists anymore. They have found new titles, things that frankly sound benign and you almost feel guilty being against social justice. Who can be against social justice? But that's the terminology they come up with.

Wordplay. Equity. Who can be against equity? Pause one second. And you idiots who vote Democrat fall for it. It's that fucking simple. You fall for it. If you vote Democrat, you're for the shit.

It's simple as that. Oh, you can't. You're going to lose half your eye. I never had him. I'm not losing anybody I fucking had. I was saying the shit in open mic night for Christ's sake. and did enough other stuff where I made it to a certain level where fucking people heard me

anyways go ahead but the truth of the matter is that and that this is not about economics solely the old Marxism was the argument that the capitalist system the whole system was flawed and rigged and it divided people it made it said the world and society and capital societies are divided between two groups you have one group which owns the businesses they are the oppressors and you have the workers, everybody else, that group are the victims. And that's how communism works. It creates a victim class. It creates an oppressor class.

And then it says, the only way to fix this is we have to overthrow this system. We need a revolution. We need a government to take over and make everything fair. And we need a government that goes to the former oppressors and makes them apologize for being an oppressors, be re-educated into responsible people. It already happened. corporations. That's the old Marxism. And it sounds familiar because today we are being asked to

divide, first of all, we're being told that America in and of itself was founded on racism, prejudice and evil. Not that we have a history of racism or prejudice, but that we were founded of that, that's the foundation of our society, that we are irredignably broken in our history. That the system is rigged. That's Dallas on piano. How about capital? How about capital? The system is set up to benefit the oppressor versus the people. He did that in his house. And who's the oppressor? The oppressor, basically, if you listen to some of these people,

is anyone who is a white, male, heterosexual. And say it in 1999. And everybody else, I guess myself included, being a Cuban American, is a victim. And the only answer is for government to step forward and create equity and make things fair. Pause. Yeah. government when the lefties it's usually white male heterosexual males they don't see that you know Joe Biden they they rail against all that and then who do they fucking

elect good tear this system down and by the way the oppressors you need to acknowledge your oppression and you need to apologize for it and then you need to pay a penance I see that I happen people say I thought what's I have to do with Marxism Marxism is about control the old Marxism the old Marxism used economics to gain control the new Marxism uses identity politics and the result is something that looks nothing like America now I guarantee you right now this thing will be put online and somebody will write an article this is crazy talk we're not none of this is really happening this what I just described to you it's already happened has

become the ideological orthodoxy of American institutions what I just described right orthodoxy in corporate America where today workers and corporations America and many corporations are required to go to retraining courses where some of them are told you must accept your inherent privilege you must accept your inherent role as an oppressor. It's infected our schools where children on the first day of school, first graders are told you must choose a pronoun and you need to now divide up between whether you're an oppressor class or a victim class member. You've heard a lot about this critical race theory and stuff that's up in our schools.

It's certainly the prevalent ideology in the media, in Hollywood, music. It's called Marxism. And in government. We have federal employees, federal employees, including people in charge of keeping this country safe, who are forced to go to two or three day training courses.

Free education. Where they have to choose where they are in the oppression matrix. Yeah. Just think about that. It's already in the system. To make me mad. We need a government and government policies to make things right and to equalize them.

Not equality of opportunity. That's the word they now use. Yeah. And I'm telling you this is an incredible danger to the American country. There's no reason to believe that this new Marxism will result in anything but what the old Marxism resulted in. Why do they have to put music under it? Because the next step is going to be economic. It's a copyright thing.

Even in fact the country is divided between an oppressor class and a victim class. based on your identity, be it your sexual identity, be it your gender, be it your race, if that's true, then the next step is we need economic policies that make things right. And we need social policy. We need laws. We need government agencies. We need requirements. That's the next step.

Hey, Liberace, shut up back then. I'm telling you, if we do not confront this now, call it for what it is and defeat it, it will destroy this country and everything that has made it special. That's where I disagree. I think people pick up guns. And what do Marxists count on? They count on fear. Yeah, well, you're going to lose that battle.

We know this firsthand from our experiences and the people that I know from Nicaragua, Venezuela, obviously Cuba. Marxists don't tolerate dissent. Neither do the Democrats. You guys see a connection? If you speak out in Marxist societies, you go to jail, to exile, somewhere executed. Some work for MSNBC.

You get banged. You get canceled. You get promoted and you get fired. Your business gets boycotted. You go on the bill. You get called all sorts of names. So I understand why some people decide. You know what?

It's just easier to pretend I agree and stay quiet. I don't need those hassles. That's what they're counting on. I know it's hard to speak out. It's easy for someone in public office to speak out because in some ways, you know, you're already in the fight. But you go to someone who's just trying to get ahead and run a business. They just don't need the hassle and the headache.

But we have to speak out. And we can't just speak out against the crazy things they stand for. We have to point people to the logical outcome, the consequences of doing what they want us to do. The consequences of what they're asking us to accept. What they're asking us to accept is something that runs counter to what this nation was founded on and what we have worked 240 years to try to get better at each generation. Ours is the story of perpetual improvement. I have never claimed, and neither have any of you, that American history is perfect.

what I have claimed is that American history is better than anyone else's history how presidential is that wheel what I have claimed is that our each generation of American he believes it because his family lived under

fucking communism to fulfilling our pounding principles based on the belief that all men and all women all people are created equal and that the rights come from God not from government I'm talking about a crooked cop

that mix it up on the records and every great cause in American history. Every single one of them, think about this, every great cause in American history has been an appeal to and a fulfillment of those principles, not a rejection of it. Today, June 19th, they commemorate the end of slavery. What was that? That was a fulfillment of our founding principle that all men are created equal. Get no credit for it. The civil rights movement was an appeal to live up to the words of those founding documents. The women's suffrage movement was an appeal to the constitutional principles and the declaration.

of independence. All of our great causes in our history have been a fulfillment of our founding, not a rejection of it. And if we abandon that, which is what they're asking us to do, it won't be America anymore. I know that politics today sometimes has a lot of hyperbole. Maybe I'm, I don't know, maybe I'm a little passionate about things involving Marxism for obvious reasons. But I think we should all be.

Marxism is the single most evil and destructive ideology that mankind has ever known. It divides countrymen against each other by design. It divides people against each other by design. And whether that divide is between rich and poor or on the basis of gender and race and religion and who you voted for, it is divisive and destructive nonetheless. And so if we have one mission, if we have one goal, it isn't. liberal versus conservative or Republican versus Democrat. It's America versus this Marxist ideology, which is what it is.

Call it for what it is. Defeat it. It will destroy our country. Defeat it and we will save our country. Tell me, that speech isn't, you could whip that out at any time right now, wherever you're speaking. That was like so presidential. Probably off the cuff knowing him. This guy, his debil.

meaner is so serious. This is what I love about him. He's all business. I noticed that a year after he came on the scene, I go, this guy is so fucking, and so it's how I, it's how I want my president to be. I mean, when Trump's not joking around, who likes that more than me? I'm just saying, but when he's not joking around, he's fucking playing hardball. He's like, I'll fucking blow you off the map. You know what I mean? The mistake was letting Obama anywhere near the fucking White House. That's all I'm going to say. Anyhow, how can you say that?

I don't give a rat's ass. What am I in Hollywood? No, I'm in Garden City, Joy. That'd be funny if you guys knew what it was like. It's so funny, you see the Welcome to Garden City, the smell change. There's a mill somewhere. It's terrible. I told you, when I went up to Maine, University of Maine, there was a paper mill.

There's a paper mill almost everywhere at Maine. all the trees and shit. But at that campus on certain days when the wind would blow, it smelled like an open sewer. It smelled like fucking Afghanistan instead of canned a heart and fucking. And I remember,

who the fuck was I talking to? I had just gotten up there. But it was, I was, I was talking to somebody, a faculty member, about something like classes. And I go, you smell shit?

Fucking guy started laughing. He goes, there's a paper. Nobody, I didn't know yet. It was fucking brand new. I thought the guy farted. All right, let's get to it. Potpukers.

But how about Arrubio? Wouldn't that fucking great? I think it was worth listening to. Potpukers. The condition known to cause scrimmitting. That's vomiting and screeching. No. And you know what.

What is it? I know what it is. I read the article. Vomiting. And. Anyways, the condition on a scromit. Among some Marijuana users has become more prevalent in the U.S. A recent report from the Centers of Disease Control.

Why should we believe that? Look at that. I have that statue in my bathroom. It's made every high school party going. Cannabis or cannabinoid hypermemetic syndrome, CHS, is as serious as it sounds. The condition which can cause excessive vomiting with recurring belts of severe stomach pain and nausea

was first detected in Australia 20 years ago. Some have referred to a combination of CHS symptoms, which is screaming and vomiting. That's how you get scrumining. They're so clever out there, those kids. Due to intense pain

and just another reason not to another reason not to smoke weed. I don't know how to work. this thing. That guy was rommeting. Hot showers and baths

are often described, well, that rules help black people. That's a joke, everybody. They always say they're cleaner than white people, the ones that hate us. It's so goddamn funny. Hot showers and bass. I'm not saying they're dirty. I'm just saying they always bring that up. I don't, I didn't think they were

dirty or, you know. Hot showers and bass are often described as the only way to mitigate the discomfort. In rare cases, the condition has resulted in death. Patients are not high in any fashion and in fact are in significant distress with uncontrolled, vomiting, gagging, hurling, and pain. That sounds like fun, doesn't it? What is the fucking thing? I'm acting things out for you.

It's like radio in the 40s. You guys are all sitting around you. Let's take a look at a video. How phony that looks. That's why I showed it. It's so funny. It's like when the stoogers, when they fall out of a window of a castle and you can tell it's three mannequins, oh my God, even as a six-year-old, I'd be laughing. Virginia authorities reported that emergency department visits for CHS have jumped almost 30% since 2020.

Significant spikes have also been reported in Massachusetts, Northern California, and parts of North Carolina. an official at Duke Regional Hospital in Durham, North Carolina, said last summer that patients with CHS are seen last summer every week, if not every day. In October, the World Health Organization added CHS to its diagnostic manual. That almost makes me believe it's bullshit. From January to 23 to September of 2025, patients between the ages of 15 and 24 had the highest average proportion of monthly emergency. Department visits at nearly 10% per 10,000.

That would be 1%. After the diagnostic code for CHS was introduced back in October, the CDC found that the rate jumped nearly 39 per 10,000. The next highest age group, 25 to 34-year-olds, had a rate of 28 per 10,000. You know, me was my weed. I never, I hit it a couple times. The only time it didn't bother me was a friend.

first time I ever tried it. I was in fucking high school. My sister, my cousin Karen, was having a party. Half the high school was there. My best friend of time is Scott Graswick. I only knew him for a few months. And another guy who became my best friend of all time, Mike Zizinsky, our fullback. They had a pipe. And I'm like, give me that fucker. And I hit it and didn't feel shit. That's usually, that was back then in the 70s. Now you take a hit of that shit. You know, like Charlie Manson in a bus on the way to fucking someone going to murder somebody. What? That's stupid. I know.

Let's move on to money ruins everything. Oh, you're going to like this one, Della. Several NFL players have been granted the opportunity to return to college football ahead of this season. Most would agree that the development is not a good one. I put that in there. A total of 16 players from the class of 2022 were granted a temporary restraining order against the NCAA on August 20th that granted.

them a fifth year of eligibility. See, the NCAA said you couldn't do that. So now they put restraining order against them. I'll read the first. Former Ole Miss tight end, DeQuan Wright. DeQuan, black people, where do you come up with this shit? I just want to know. Is that based on French, Spanish, or just plain ghetto horseshit?

Dequan Wright and former LSU defensive back, Jack Pyeburn. I guess you could say that about Jack. I'm guessing Jack Pieburn is a white guy who was burned by a pie. Nobody? Who are both on the NFL training camp, Ross, are among the players headlining the group. I can't even come blind. The hyperbole is done.

Now we can finally play the game. How good was he? Look at that. One man, despite the likes of Wright and Pieburn suiting up for the NFL teams in recent days during preseason action, meaning like right now, and the college football season getting underway in about this weekend. Saturday.

This Saturday. The signed order in Louisiana, Grants play is the ability to enter. So they're saying guys that are on an NFL, like a practice squad or whatever right now who are trying to make it an average. They have the ability to enter the transfer portal in college football. I need a lawyer to understand how the fuck that could ever work. The assumption is that, oh, they're going to try.

not to explain it, is that players battling for a spot on an NFL roster, even a team's practice squad roster, could return to college football with the motivation of earning a substantial payday. Just because that's a possibility, it shouldn't be put in stone. I don't, Oregon, Oregon head coach, Dan Lanning, now listen to me on this one, whose team could be in a position to benefit from this latest ruling, not only disapproves of the development, but also listed the many reasons as to why. That looks like me when I was in college. The kid on the right?

I can show a fucking picture. That looks just like me. And that looks like my professor from me. One, this is the coach now who could benefit from this, and he disapproves of it. And Oregon's a hell of a team of a. He said, once you go to the end. NFL, to me, you're in the NFL. You don't get the opportunity to come

back. And he said, secondly, most of us have built our rosters, and you have limited roster limits now. So if you, that made no sense, but that's what he said. So if you invited somebody back to your team, that means you're kicking somebody else off the team to match your roster limits.

And that somebody is a kid who's worked the whole time and stuck with the program. And he's going to get booed because a guy comes back. He says, I don't think that's the fair to players who puts the time in. The lawsuit that unfolded in Louisiana, see, that's what money does, though. Fuck fairness, blah, boo. And this whole thing, the slightness shit, it's, you know, I'm seeing guys do ads that you don't even know. It's like, what? Where's their motivation to go further?

It's not. You give a young black kid, and a lot of these kids come out of poor neighborhoods. You fucking give them that kind of money. You think they're going to have any motivation? They're trying to destroyed the pipeline to the NFL. Between this and girls. I'm seeing commercials now for you know what, fucking girls flag football. It's like a legitimately, and there's a

commercial now with this woman of she looks Hispanic, brown, not white, doesn't matter, but she goes talking about the, and she goes, we've finally conquered the final frontier. You know how I translated that? We finally took the only thing men have left and we're going to ruin

that too. Like the WMBA. And I'm not against the WMBA. I'm just saying, look what they're doing to it. Anyways, which granted these new permissions for 16 players took place after the NCA announced a five-year age-based eligibility mold. That's when this thing kicked in. Somebody came up with this idea.

Athletes will have five years to play five seasons beginning with a 19 birthday or the day they enroll at a school, whichever takes place first. I can't keep the rules straight. I know for years it was, you know, a red shirt freshman, meaning that, you know, you could be a fucking in your fifth year of college and play because you sat out a year when you transferred like that. So they're going to ruin it. And when you have a coach of a major program like that,

who it would benefit his team? And he's going, I don't like this. I mean, you've got to listen to him. That carries some serious weight. Let's move on to the Chinese and the fun they're having over there. These crazy Chinese. As, again, one of my favorite jokes ever, the Jonathan Shatt. Jonathan, what?

You remember the, if my wife sees this, she's going, my husband's losing, is my? Jewish ball guy, very dry comedian, New York. He had a show, an animated show, where he was a psychiatrist and Comedy Central. Dr. It's a Jewish name, and it's not Shats. Oh, my God. I am so embarrassed. I caught this guy.

He has MS. And I went home to Boston to do this thing. I was in a movie with Steve Sweeney, and we all went up on the stage. And this guy, it was in a wheeltree, almost fell off to stand. And I caught him. I thought I should have got a purple heart

or a red nipple. Something put out. Jonathan. I don't know if this is what you're talking about. The only thing it came up on a quick search was Bojack Horseman, but that doesn't sound like. Hold on. I can't believe I can't come up with it.

It's a Jewish. It's Jonathan. Oh my God, Nick, you're a fucking, Jonathan Katz. And I didn't even get up. It just came to me. Anyways, why did I bring him up? I have no idea.

He had a joke. He said, he goes, you know how you can't lead a, you can lead a, you can lead a, to water but you can't make him drink now you can't those crazy Chinese that's it dry sense of humor I had a I've told this one on the show before but he goes I had a horrible Freudian slip the other day I was sitting and having breakfast having dinner with my father and I said meant to say pass the peas please and what came out is you

ruin my childhood you cock sucker I always tell these three and the third one he was going to a gig with Kenny Rogers and another guy who might the funniest thing. Just brilliant comedians, both of them. Kenny was driving. Shatches and the passenger side. They're on the highway. There was a bread truck in front of him and the doors came open and bread came falling out of the back and Kenny cut the wheel to the left. And I mean, Jonathan was driving. I'm sorry. And Kenny goes, what the fuck you're doing? It's just bread. Jonathan goes, it could have been stale. Therein is the genius. He was on an audition for a movie and De Niro was in the eye.

He was doing a scene with De Niro. And De Niro fucked up the first line. Jonathan threw the paper and he goes, I can't work with this fucking guy. And then he was, he had a house and he was showing De Niro around the house. What movie did he end up doing? I can't even fucking remember. But he was showing De Niro around his house.

And he opened the bedroom door and his daughter was sleeping in bed. He goes, that's my daughter, Karen. She's been dead for two years. These are the guys you hang out with you. Like, oh my God. Next story, the Chinese. Usain Bolt or Loose Bolt? A Robo Sprinter's

test run ended in a shower of sparks after it plowed into a wall sustaining damage to its midsection as seen in a video with 5 million views on X. This has been up there for a few days but God, it still made me friggin laugh.

Check this out. But, I let the thing roll, but don't worry about it. It's trying to, it's like an Olympics for robots. And they get there early, like Olympic athletes do. And the Olympic athletes will get there weeks early. And look at the tracks. You can try out the tracks or whatever event you're in ahead of time.

And that's what this was. You've got to get the kinks out before the actual race. Yeah, trying out the track ahead of the second world humanoid robot games in Beijing, China. I think, I think, oh my God, I'm talking like daffy fucking duck now. Yeah, I think it's all robots. It's not, I don't think they're racing people. Anyways, during the cybernetic competition, 2,056 robots from 666 teams across 16 county, countries, excuse me, will descend on the Chinese capital to compete both sports and a real world task and real world task.

according to Gizmodo. And again, if you remember Gizmoto fought, you know, King Kong, right? Wasn't it the Gizmoto, King Kong? Oh, that's the Japanese that make those. Yeah, same thing. Just like with a human sporting event, some synthetic competitors arrived ahead of time to try and feel out the course

with varying degrees of success. That's when this crash took place. Why did it, why did it's the automated, who wrote this fucking thing? It automated athletes Robo-Llympic trial backfire so spectacularly. Some tech experts, oh, that's cute,

placed the blame on robot firms, prioritizing speed above all else. That's how you figure shit out. Yeah, I'll skip all that. I was going to throw a, you know what, a Forrest Gump running with braces on his legs, and it wouldn't take. Anyways, last year,

running and dynamic motion control were meaningful because they proved a basic point. Before a humanoid can do useful work, it first needs a capable body. Wrote chin. What's he like, share? Chin. But once that foundation exists,

simply making the robot run fast, it gives you diminishing returns. Yeah, it's like bills in a car. He added, knowing when to slow down, went to stop, and how to stop safely. Matt is just as much as how fast you can run. for me. People go to these things to watch them crash and burn. I'd leave it as is. You think NASCAR would have ever caught on him for no fucking accidents? Let's be honest here. Huh? Finally tonight,

real quick, before we go, uh, in our, finally tonight. And finally, no, no, no! In our FLA segment, Faith Tinkley, a 23-0 pilot successfully landed her twin-engine plane in the Atlantic ocean off of Boca Raton, which means rat's mouth, if you guys don't speak. After experiencing engine failure and landing gear issues, remarkably, she emerged uninjured from the incident. They asked what happened to you because I pulled the emergency break and I, no, uninjured which occurred while she was en route to the Bahamas to pick up her parents. Her dad was quoted saying, this stupid bitch.

I can't believe it to say that about his daughter. her. Anyways, no, but they get video of the, of the, I mean, you gotta give her credit. She fucking did a nice, she's kind of, she's not quite sully. But, uh, anyways, check it out. Pause, Del, I'm sorry. Can you open that bigger or no? No, okay. All right, go ahead.

Oh my God. That's Dallas on Zylophone. Look at the cutie pie. Woman Parks plane. How'd she get out of there? They didn't really. Anyways, emergency landing. involved, it's 22, and she's up.

What is that like? I always ask people who fly. What is that like your first solo? Because when you're training, you're with a person next to you for forever, and then now you're up there alone, and all of a sudden the gas light comes on. And you're looking for Sonoco.

They're no way to be fun. So you fucking, the emergency landing involves several critical facts. A dumb brought at the wheel. Pilots' decision. Tinkly, oh these are the important things that AI told me. Tinkly opted a ditch a plane in the ocean

guy saw that fuck staying. Boy, AI has let me down a lot this week. I might go over to the thing's house. Flight path. The flight originated from Page Field in Fort Myers and was headed to South Bimini Airport covering a distance of 144 nautical miles. I would a hitchhike. Mechanical

issue. The girl had a fucking fake leg and it buckled. No, the plane suffered a right engine failure and broke landing gear. Proxy 50 miles from the host. And she did a nice job of putting that sucker down. Good for you. Good for you. Don't take

no shit off nobody, especially a podcast guy. All right folks. That is it. Don't forget, tomorrow. We have our first part of a interview with Anthony Coomier. And as you know,

controversial guy and me and him might as well have been from the same mother. You're not going to miss it. You're not going to want to miss it. It's fucking great. So we got to that and then that's the first part. Then on Wednesday we'll show you the second half

of it. And Thursday a bitch and kitchen that you don't want to miss. Probably the best one we did. The recipe is great and it was a lot of funny shit going on. My wife fell down the stairs. No, I'm kidding. I pushed her. Listen. She hates when I make joke. Why do you do

that? Like you hate me and shit. It's a fucking joke. Fucking comedians have been doing this forever. What do I got to do? You fucking get you another ring? I don't know what I'm saying. All right, everybody get off before I get a spanking. Cameo.com, if you want to roast a friend or relative, go to cameo.com.

That's it, you guys think it. I'll say, you're very welcome. See you tomorrow. Have a nice, did I say to think, if you want to think it, say it? Now I'll cook it. We'll see tomorrow at the same time. Bye.

Hi, good night, everybody.