The Nick DiPaolo Show - Putin Amused by Bumbling Biden | Nick Di Paolo Show #637

Episode Date: December 8, 2021

Biden Vs. Putin. Jussie gets defensive. Zucker says Cuomo deserves firing. Homeless man burns NY Christmas tree. German man kills family and self over vaccine. Mel Brooks "mistake".

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You can do all this at thecomicsgym.com and click on an Encore episode or patreon.com slash thenickdapaloshow. Thanks for supporting, and I can't wait to hear what some of you guys and gals have to say. Talk to you soon. All righty, welcome to the show on a Wednesday. How are you, folks? Glad to be with you. What's going on? What's not going on in the world? All kinds of...

We'll get to the Putin-Biden Zoom call. Any story that involves technology and Biden, I'm in on. Fucking Luddite. What? What are you, anti-Semitic? No, it's not a... Luddite's a guy who can't work with technology. Look it up! I had to.

And I'm like, oh, that's what I am. Fucking pilgrim. A fucking Amish guy. Anyhow, any he, any who. Yeah yeah i'm in a good mood kiss my ass you kiss this motherfucker we'll do it live okay we'll do it live fuck it do it live i can i'll write it and we'll do it live. Fucking thing sucks. I miss O'Reilly. That's how I feel about right now.

That's Dallas with our equipment here. I can't even ask him what's going wrong because I don't want to fucking... I don't even know. PowerPoint fucking... What's the stupid thing that shits the bed every day? Can't hear you. Everything, webcast. Is that button hard to push?

Because every producer I've had doesn't know how to time it. No, it's a fucking nightmare. Webcast? That's what it's called? No, it isn't. It's something cast. It's not web. Wire.

Maybe if you knew what it was, you could work it, Dallas. Well, I can't read. It's a Wirecast. Any people out there know how to fix Wirecast? Let's get on with the show. I don't fucking need this today. In the N-word segment today, some school districts, including in New York,

have slowly eliminated advanced math options for some students as a mean of easing achievement gaps. Let me translate that for you in plain English. Oh, well, that created a gap between people who can speak English properly and those that ain't be talking too good. They're lowering the standards, they being the Marxist fucksticks that run schools. So black and brown students don't get their feelings hurt because they can't keep up with mostly cracker and Asian students. So let's punish the gifted kids for, well, you know, for being gifted. Yeah, why should the kids who are lucky enough to be born great at something

be allowed to be great at that thing. In this case, math. Let's make them stay stupid like the rest of us. And everybody can suck equally, and nobody is better than anybody else. And we won't have to hate the people that are better than us because they're better at things we can't do. Great idea. Hey, you know what?

While we're at it, let's eliminate all those football and basketball scholarships that they give to mostly inner-city black kids. That is a ticket for them out of the ghetto, which is a good thing, and on to a better life. I mean, they're definitely gifted athletes and deserve it, but I think about the, just think about the slower, less athletic white and Asian players, how they feel. They have to be crushed when they get dunked on by a brother half their height. Sure. I mean, if we do this, eventually the NBA and the NFL will collapse down the road because of lack of talent to draw from. But you know what? So will that bridge you drive over every day

to get to work because the people who built it weren't allowed to study advanced geometry or calculus and wouldn't know the difference between a decimal point and a hollow point. Sure, 68 people died in the bridge accident, but most of them were well-educated, hardworking taxpayers with families to support. But fuck them. I mean, they think they're better than us, and they think they're better than the 11 homeless crack addicts living under the bridge that also died. This is pure, unadulterated Marxist slash communist doctrine. It eliminates competition, which is at the heart of free market societies, which spurs

people on to be the best at what they do. societies, which spurs people on to be the best at what they do. By the way, this specific idiocy of ditching advanced math classes in middle school and high school started where, folks? I'll give you one guy. That's right, the People's Republic of California, where every anti-American shit idea has germinated from since the early 50s. The state that is the home to the world-famous Golden Gate Bridge and also frequent earthquakes. But don't worry, my California friends, that bridge was probably built by mostly white and Asian guys who had to not only take advanced math and physics classes, but were required to get good grades. You know, the kind that probably made their classmates of color feel like shit and guarantee them a life of poverty and suffering.

At least that's how today's left sees it. And that's the N-word. It really is. Can you imagine if I was trying to dissemble America and its society, I would be following this list of shit that Dems are doing. Don't even look at them as Democrats or American politicians. They're not. They're Marxists. AOC.

All those twats. Ilhan Omar. You ever listen to him talk for five minutes? You think they have your best interests at heart? Are you kidding me? Fucking, if Stalin was watching this, he'd be applauding. Somebody has to step the fuck in. I would, but the Patriots have ripped off seven in a row.

What am I going to, miss the game something? I'm talking about you young Rittenhouses out there. We need more. Oh, I don't want to hurt LeBrain James feeling. But honestly, God, if you're going to wreck America, could you do it anymore? Literally lowering the standards. Not letting gifted kids get advanced math before it prepares them before they go to college. But who cares now? Because when they go to college, they're not going to do math and science. They're going to do gender studies and transgender and racism and the history of slavery

and critical race theory. Who the fuck needs algebra? And you're calling a white kid a cracker. You motherless fucks. Anyway, speaking of motherless fucks, Joe Biden, here's two of them. I'm going to be honest with you and I'm going to be very anti-American. I'd get mail for this, but we don't have a mail thing. I like Putin more than I like Joe Biden. I swear to God. Well, Nick, he's a fucking, but he's an evil tyrant with no soul. Yeah, and he doesn't lead on get it? Yeah. George Bush looked him in the eyes. George W. Bush was it? I think it was George W. Bush and said he saw no soul.

Isn't that what he said? Was it no soul or? Anyways whoever said that to him Putin said then we understand each other. Sounds like me in a fight with a wife. Only she's saying it. You're evil.

Well, we understand each other. Anyway, so Putin and Biden had this discussion yesterday. And I think we have some of the audio right at the beginning. Comrade, here is something that might be of interest to you. A transcript of the conversation between your helicopter pilot and his commander. We intercepted Dragonfly Wolf 10. Colorful names. Here we are.

We have them in sight. And the reply, abort the operation immediately. That was Planned Parenthood. Anyways, yeah, Biden-Putin face-to face for just uh over two hours President Joe Biden and Russia's Vladimir put squid off in a secure sure it was I hacked into it secure video call Tuesday as the U.S. President put Moscow on notice can you tell this is a left-wing article I couldn't find any other kind that a Russian invasion along the Ukraine border would bring enormous harm to the Russian economy. But before we get to it, let's show a clip of how the meeting started out.

Biden being, you know, just an expert. There you go. Good to see you again. Look at Putin. Unfortunately, last time I... What he said was, last time we were at the G20 summit, you weren't there. I hope to meet you again. But he had the thing muted.

And did you see what's his name? Putin was already tapping his foot like, you got to be shitting me. You know what I'm going to do when I get off this call? I'm going to put fucking troops along the Ukraine border. This guy's going to stop me, Mr. Magoo. I swear to God, Putin's trying not to laugh. Holy, this is a consequence of stealing elections, folks. This is what it brings.

And I'm still amazed at all the shit that they accused Trump of being and they predicted results of us being in a world war because of him, loose cannon, doesn't know what he's doing. It's all coming true with schmuck here. Literally. Russia and China have never been closer. They're yapping with each other. All that shit they said about. Meanwhile, when Trump got in there, he's like.

We're not getting into any fucking wars. And if you try any shit. We're not getting into any fucking wars, and if you try any shit... Ugh. Anyways, yeah, Biden said, you know, put troops along the border, bring enormous harm to the Russian economy. What, are you going to do,

jack up gas prices there, too? Fuck up their supply chain? Of fucking cheese and odor readers. The highly anticipated call between the two leaders came amid growing worries by the United States and Western allies of a Russian invasion of a neighboring Ukraine. Putin came into the meeting seeking guarantees from Biden that the NATO military alliance will never expand to include Ukraine, which has long sought to become a member of the Mickey Mouse Club that does nothing. The American and their NATO allies said in advance that Putin's request was a non-starter. Really?

What are we doing? What's going on right now? They had to explain to Joe what that meant, non-starter. Really? What are we doing? What's going on right now? They had to explain to Joe what that meant, non-starter. And, you know, Putin's like, oh, really? I welcome you, Mr. President, Putin said. Listen to the niceties. It's so phony. It's like watching The View. I welcome you, Mr. President, Putin said, speaking with Russian flag behind him and a video monitor showing Biden in front of him. Dragonfly seven. Good to see you again, Biden replied with a chuckle as he shit his pants. He then quickly noted Putin's absence from the recent Group of 20 summit in Rome, what us kids called

an orgy. The Russian took a part in the major gathering of industrial nations by video link only because he knew the United States was now being run by a fucking moron, and there was no reason to waste gas or kill the environment flying there to talk to a guy who would not understand a word he said. That's the truth of it. No, he said he stayed home because of concerns about COVID-19. He sounds like a student like me going, yeah, I didn't do my homework last night. You know, my mother got cancer, but it's all cleared up this morning. night, you know, my mother got cancer, but it's all cleared up this morning. Unfortunately, last time we didn't get to see one another at the G20, Biden said. Putin said, yeah, we did. You just forgot, stupid. Remember we had lunch? No. I hope next time we meet and do it in person, blah, blah, blah. Biden aimed to make clear that his administration stands ready to take actions against the Kremlin

that would exact a very real cost on the Russian economy, according to the White House officials. Putin, for his part, said, kiss my Russian balls, you big girl. And it went like this. Putin, for his part, was expected to demand guarantees from Biden that NATO military alliance will never expand to include Ukraine, which has long sought membership. That's a non starter for the Americans and their NATO allies, apparently. Exactly. We've consulted significantly with our allies, this is Biden, and believe we have a path forward that would impose significant and severe harm on the Russian economy. White House Press Secretary

Freckleface Psaki said Monday in previewing the meeting, you can call that a threat. Ooh, you can call that a fact. You can call that preparation. You call it whatever you want. Wow, she getting all ballsy, huh? You see how they're taking a stand against Russia? Because we know the last administration didn't. Why is she holding? Somebody put a pen in that hand. She's like Bob Dole. You get that little red beaver right up there in front of you. I don't think it's crazy at all.

Getting all tough with Russia. Then they threaten to shut off a pipeline that they run to Russia to Europe. I guess we have control. So that cuts off oil to the people that are on our side.

That was our threat or whatever. We're going to take away your Costco coupons. I think they have that over in Moscow. Burger King, you like that? You can kiss that goodbye. Fucking, oh my God, Mr. Magoo. Mr. Magoo. He couldn't get the fucking...

And the other thing that scares me, when the meeting starts, that he was muted. Who's in charge of that? You know what I mean? That's how you know. Probably Ilhan Omar, but she was home blowing her brother-slash-husband. What?

Why did he throw that in there? I don't know. Let's go from one liar to another. Biden being the liar. Can't believe I'm saying it. I was thinking one more thing about when Trump was in office and they kept saying he was working for Putin like a secret agent for Putin. You know how we knew that wasn't true? Because he didn't poison everybody that worked at CNN and MSNBC. You know how fucking Putin likes to,

somebody has tea and they drop a little shit in it at a hotel somewhere, then you're in bed the next day. He would have wiped out all of MSNBC. I think it's a good point that I should have left home. Let's move on. Jussie We Smell Shit is his name. By the way, it's not Jussie.

I'm going to explain that again. Just like Anthony Hardaway isn't Anthony. I'm going to explain that again. Just like Anthony Hardaway isn't Anthony. I guarantee the mother was fucking illiterate and the white nurse couldn't understand and wrote it on the thing. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it. Jussie. Nobody's, there's no fucking Jussie.

Jerk off. Snarky Jussie. Please give me a call. Smollett scolds white prosecutor for repeating N-word while reading out text he sent to a Nigerian brother. Imagine he's scolding

the lawyer. Who the fuck do you think you are? Yeah, you bad... Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck? That would have been my response if I was the judge. Jussie Smollett has admitted changing his description of his attackers from white to pale. Can you imagine, this is costing money, we're going through this thing. You talk about a racist, think about how much he hates white people to embarrass himself this much again. Just think about how much he hates white people and how corrosive this is to our society.

It's just a narcissistic piece of shit goo gobbler. Those are his good points. From white to pale under cross-examination from the special prosecutor at his trial, where he became increasingly defensive on Tuesday, like any gay guy is at his second day of testimony, snapping at the prosecutor for using the N-word while reading aloud his text and insisting he has permanent injuries from the incident. What permanent injuries? You're lying. And you're a piece of shit.

He said that he initially assumed his attackers were white. Okay, even in his lies, he has to be politically correct now. But that he changed the story afterwards to say they were pale. And this was the responsible thing to do. I didn't want to make the assumption that they were white. Do you know how psychotic this cocksucker is? He's lying through his teeth, pulling a hoax, and trying to stay PC at the same time. So I said, let me change that and just say that they were pale, skinned.

Pale skinned, not pale and then skinned. Then they'd be of red. I was attacked by an Indian. He said it was the responsible thing to change his description because he couldn't be sure, adding, they could have been a white person. They could have been a pale someone else. What, Diana Ross? Who the fuck you talking about? There are white niggers. I haven't seen a lot of white niggers in my time. So is Jesse, apparently. No, I don't want to use that word. I told the prosecutor not to. When asked if he described them as white because he thought it would get more attention, he snapped.

You'd have to ask someone who actually did a fake hate crime. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. No guilty conscience there. What a shithead. What a snarky little glib piece of cheese. Smollett also became defensive when asked why he sent Instagram private messages to Abe Osondero the hours before the attack, with the prosecutor suggesting he was filling him in on the fact his flight from New York to Chicago was delayed. And this is what it said in the text, which would delay the plan, nigger.

This is brutal. Still on the damn runway was one of them. And another was, nigger finally made it. Why do you got to talk like that, Jussie? Why? By the way, when he told the prosecutor, not to use the N word, out of respect for the black people in the court,

the prosecutor said, okay, he said, okay, you read your text and you have to use the N-word. In the message, Smollett repeatedly used the N-word. But on Tuesday, he told Webb not, oh, like what I just told you, not to while reading the text out loud out of respect for every. What the fuck? Are we ever really... Every African... You know, because most African-Americans when they're around each other, they don't use that word.

It would disrespect. Oh my God. It would disrespect every African-American person in the room. He's mentally ill, man. There's something wrong with the black man's mind! There's something wrong with his mind! Oh my God. He's crazy as a shithouse rat. Can you imagine having the gall?

Now, if I'm the judge, I'd go, hey, shut the fuck up. You've already cost the city millions. We've wasted years on you. You can't say that as a judge. It's obviously partiality. And the sad part about that story is he's not going to do any time. He's a hero. Matter of fact, it'll cool down a little bit, and then because he's such a name, they'll hire him to do some...

I would say replace Chris Cuomo. Excuse me. I had squirrel and eggs for breakfast If you haven't already folks Please take a moment and sign up at thecomicsgym.com Tommy my manager went into his pocket for this To set up this site And I mean deep

I mean lots of cash To the point where I'm working three jobs. This, stand-up comedy, and I'm like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting. I clean Georgia State's hallways with one of those machines in them. Go to comicsgen.com. Seriously, Tommy Spentlaw, to get my exclusive encore show. Today, I'll be talking about Kyle Rittenhouse telling LeBron James to go fuck himself. To get access, just click on any of the encore episodes

and sign up at the Sonny Michael or Vito level. You'll also get discounts off Nick DiPaolo's show Merchandise. And starting this Thursday, you'll get access to a voicemail line where you can leave a question or a thought. I'll play an address on the show. It'll be really fun. Again, you only get this if you're a monthly member at thecomicsgym.com. So if you haven't already signed up there, please do so now. This is without a doubt the best way you can support this show. So I appreciate your support, ladies and gentlemen. You know the old music back in the

50s? A-joo-wop-a-joo-wop-a-joo-wop-a-joo. That's the headline. A-joo-wop-a-joo-wop. And I stole that from Zito and Bean, the two funniest. I'm not a big duet or comedy fan, but these two guys were fucking hilarious back in the day in Boston. And I know one of them has a popular radio show, A Jew Wop, A Jew. He was a Jew and his partner was a wop and they used to come up. That's how they'd start the show. Anyways, why did I bring that up? Well, CNN president, a Jew. Nick, why is that? I'm just saying. I've met Jeff Zucker, by the way. Told the network staffers on Tuesday morning that former host Chris Cuomo deserved termination. Sounds like they whacked him, doesn't he? Termination.

He's got to go. Like Richie April. Tony, come on. Everybody knows he's got to go. Termination. Tony come on everybody knows he's gotta go termination and he won't be paid any severance according to reports

well he's putting up a he's just letting him have it ain't he you're fired you're fired you're fired you're fired you're fired

you're fired you're fired you're fired those are all the Cuomos being fired I like the I like the sarcastic glib look on his face he's like fucking he's like that's right i put out propaganda for the u.s democrat government and i have nine houses in the hamptons at aspen colorado uh during a town hall style meeting, Zucker also called Saturday's firing of the Cuomo primetime star a lesson we have all learned from. My favorite part of the story is they act like

they just found out that he was helping him to that degree. What are you fucking kidding me? There's a trail of emails and texts that they have access to, I'm sure. Good actor, though. You should maybe put yourself in one of those series. Zucker said Cuomo's secret efforts to help his brother, former Governor Andrew Cuomo, battle sexual harassment allegations, filed CNN's, violated CNN's standards and practices in a way that went too far. You got standards and practices? in a way that went too far.

You got standards and practices? Lying to the American public around the clock 24-7? 365 for the last 20 years to bring us to where we are today? Apparently standards and practices has a different idea of what right and wrong is. Anyways, in a way that went too far. You know how bad you have to be to go too far at CNN? That's like getting kicked out of Guns and Roses for drugs or Went too far and deserved termination the website said that's what Zucker had to say Who gives a fuck what you think I agree lying little prick face

Get this through your head get this through your head through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. That's where Cuomo went wrong. Sucker also said Chris Cuomo won't receive any money toward the remainder of his reported six million a year. Can you imagine six million? For you guys who aren't good at math, that's $120,000 a week.

Or almost a half million dollars a month. Do you understand? For reading off a teleprompter, basically doing what I'm doing, only not as entertaining. Maybe if I get a giant Q-tip and me and Dallas start doing silly shit. Can you imagine $120,000 a week to read off a teleprompter and tell lies? Shit, you don't even believe it. Anyways, so he's saying, I'm getting that money. I've had a little experience in that when i get

fired from a direct tv they usually settle or whatever the fuck you know i don't know how it worked i don't know that world i'm not jewish what does that mean nothing i didn't say anything he made me do it i was a kid in jaws remember on monday sources told the new york oh i took a jaws quiz this is how bored I was last night. I was laying on my bed looking for a story for the opening monologue. I couldn't find anything that gripped me. Hour and a half, I pass out.

I pass out around 4.30. I wake up, it's 7.30. I'm an old fuck. I go down, which is good, I guess, as long as you get sleeping. Oh, by the way, the big story, I don't know how we missed this, Tommy. Do you hear what they think actually helps cure Alzheimer's? I'm digressing here, obviously. That's right, Viagra.

I'm not shitting you. And it makes perfect sense because it dilates blood vessels. So more blood is going to get to you, right? So it's going to decrease, they say. They tested, you know, mice and a couple of black kids. No, I'm just kidding. And, yeah, so can you imagine? So it's going to lower, they say, the risk of they think.

They followed 7 million people over a few-year period. So it's kind of got teeth, this. It's going to lower the risk of Alzheimer's, but it's going to raise the risk of a chance of rape in nursing homes is what it's going to do. Is it not? Anyways. On Monday, where was I? What was I talking about? I have no idea. I feel like I'm on stage right now with a few drinks in me. Did I say that already? On Monday, sources

told the New York Post that Chris Cuomo was preparing to sue CNN over the estimated $18 to $20 million he's yet to receive under terms of a four-year deal he signed last year. And he was shouting. They were in the back room yelling. Uh-oh. Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. And then Cuomo said this. I'm smart.

I'm like everybody says. Like, don't. I'm smart. And I want the space. Ow. Even that hurt. God, it sucks getting old. I just heard my hip pop.

Anybody else pick that up on the microphone? True story. Jesus Christ. I think I'm going to get a toupee. What just went by? It said end of story. Don't worry about it. I'm like a Biden reading the teleprompter.

End of quote. I mean, good to see you, Mr. Putin. Sorry I missed you back at the G11 summit in Korea. You must have been taking a dump or something. Anyways, as you know, I love where I live, folks. And I've been around the world. Buffalo, Rochester, Syracuse. I've been around the world. I'm a worldly guy.

You know that Dos Equis guy, the most interesting? That was based on me originally. Did I even say that? Suck my ass. Anyways, New York is such a shithole. And this one made me laugh I don't know why I wasn't mad I wasn't but I saw the footage and had a little belly laugh a large Christmas tree outside of Fox's midtown headquarters where the building I've been in a hundred times, was set ablaze by an arsonist who was quickly taken into custody. Wolf Blitzer was caught on a ladder with a...

They caught the guy who... Look, he set fire to a Christmas tree. You're crazy! I'm not crazy. I just don't give a fuck. Can you imagine fucking, you're driving up 6th Avenue and you see that?

I would be fucking, and it caught the smaller trees too. Apparently. There's a cop sitting there going, hmm, it's kind of warm. The 50-foot tree on 6th Avenue went up in flames just before 12.15 a.m. Wednesday. Heavy flames then spread to smaller decorated trees in the display. A 49-year-old man spotted

by building security climbing the tree was quickly taken into custody. Building security pointed the man out to police officers who posted in Rockefeller Center nearby. He had a lighter in his possession. The suspect is identified as 49-year-old Craig Tamanaha, a Tamanaha, a Japanese fella, who is homeless with a last known address in brooklyn isn't it always in brooklyn well let me tell you something fella you've been a naughty boy you ain't getting shit for Christmas. You can't show that fruit cake up your ass.

Fair enough. Sure, you can stick that fruit cake up your ass. Let's take a look at the video of what happened to this tree. Outside the News Corp building here on 6th Avenue, a very sad ending to a criminal act that happened out here. The Christmas tree outside the News Corp building, well, what's left of it is being dismantled after a man climbed it, then set the tree on fire. This was last night at about 1215. The suspect is 49 year old Craig Tamanaha.

He used to live in Brooklyn. He's facing several criminal mischief, reckless endangerment and arson. He is expected to appear in court later today, of course. All right. It must have been a hot fire because that was an African-American female journalist at Fox. Guaranteed she was blonde before that tree caught on fire. I'm telling you. Well, Nick, what are you going to say?

Because I don't know. I'm sure it'll bother somebody when it gets out there. I like the way she pronounced it. It's Tamaha. Ma-ha. Ya-ha. Anybody Stooges fans? Tamaha has three prior arrests, two for drug possession,

one for stealing sideburns and a mustache. It looked fake, didn't it? Drug possession and one for public intoxication. This guy is, he's not in the Christmas spirit, I'd say. You're a crumb creep. You're a loser. You'll always be a loser. Take it easy.

The motive for the arson was unclear. New York is funny. I used to have whole kinds of bits that I'd break them out for the holiday seasons. You know, in the storefront. There's no place like New York City at Christmas. It really is fucking used to be awesome. Now you get raped and hit with a hammer. That's kind of fun, too.

Under the mistletoe. I used to stand with the piece of mistletoe with my dick hanging out. Anybody? Two homeless girls. Anyhow. They interviewed the girlfriend of the suspect. She had a filthy mouth, too.

Santa, you know what I want for Christmas this year? What? A big fat cock! In my ass! Mmm. for Christmas this year? What? A big fat cock! Oh! In my ass! That's naughty. That's a naughty thing. Make sure to grab my balls and rub them swiftly,

said Don Lemon. What? No. Make sure to grab an official Nick DiPaolo t-shirt or hat or mug for yourself or for somebody else

this holiday season. Forget the latest, you know, Apple technology gadget or vacation to Barbados or Rome. This is what your loved one really wants. Something that he could put on and then get something thrown at him at a Starbucks. Starting today and for the rest of this week, you can use the promo code STNICK for an additional 10% off your order. That's S-T-N-I-C-K as in Saint Nick. You'll also see in the store, we've added the official Nick DiPaolo show hoodie in case you want to shoplift or join the Smash and Grab Kids. Make sure to get your orders in so you'll have them in time for Christmas, Ramadan, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, the one I celebrate. Kwanzaa is a very rich tradition.

The history of Kwanzaa goes back to like April of 1996. It's really fascinating. Somebody stole a – anyways, just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Thank you guys so much for watching the show. Great friend of mine, Jackie Mason. Well, here's a sad story out of Sprout and C. Fulton. This story made no sense to me, and it's just another story that shows the world has gone absolutely insane. It takes place in Germany.

German jackass. A man who killed his wife and three young children before taking his own life had faked a vaccination certificate and feared his children would be taken away from him when the forgery was discovered. So you kill him instead. So honestly, this was on the note he left. So that's a bullshit excuse. This guy, I'm guessing, psychologically, depression, whatever the fuck, but that's not the reason. That makes a zero.

Well, he's crazy. It doesn't have to make sense. Well, that's what I'm saying. Somebody's going to take my kids. Come here. Now nobody takes him. Shoots them. Look at those fucking little kids and the wife.

I don't know why she has Chris Wallace's hair, but that's not the point. You sick bastard. Can you imagine? Beautiful family. his hair but that's not the point you sick bastard can you imagine beautiful family he was afraid uh the forgery was going to get discovered that's what a german prosecutor said police found two adults both 40 and three children 8, and 10. Dead from gunshot wounds in the family. I'll never understand shit like this in my whole fucking life. Fuck you

and fuck you! Who's next? Ah. It happened in Konigs-Wasterhauser. Pretty good, huh? That wasn't bad, wasn't it? Of Berlin on Saturday. Sounds like I did some Normandy shit there. Und das Waffenhauser. Er sprach in Deutsch. Und nein. Klink. You are an idiot.

I keep forgetting Dallas because Dallas has a gray beard if you haven't seen him. I keep thinking he's my age or older. And I'll reference like Hogan's Heroes. He won't even know what I'm talking about. In a farewell note found by police, the man said he forged a vaccination certificate for his wife. Her employer had found out, prompting the couple to fear they would be arrested and lose their children, Prosecutor Gernot Bantenleon told Reuters.

Police were called to the house after being alerted by witnesses who had seen lifeless bodies in the house. That's creepy. Police and prosecutors, you know, responded, and that's just fucking creepy. Hello? The Grizzly case comes as Germany has been tightening up restrictions to try to stem a fourth wave of the coronavirus. You mean a cold?

Well, you can put these people, these five people, under corona deaths. You fuckstains. That's government. That's tyranny. If you want to blame anybody from last month employees uh for last since last month employees have been required to show they are vaccinated recovered or test negative for uh covid 19 so we're not the only idiots on the planet apparently german authorities agreed last week to bar the unvaccinated from access to all but the most essential businesses,

such as grocery stores, pharmacies, bakeries, massage parlors, bowling alleys, dirty, hoary houses, carpet world, Dairy Queen. And they also plan to make vaccination mandatory for some jobs. And if you don't think that's what Biden's... Luckily, Biden was shot down. Do you know that? I didn't even report on this. A lot of those mandates across the country he was trying to impose on private businesses, judges shot them down. A nationwide ruling, I do believe. So fuck you, Joe, and everything you stand for apparently even you're too much for the liberal judges honestly I can't believe the times we're living in but uh anyways is this the final story I think it is final story of the day folks

uh Mel's mistake Mel Brooks we all love Mel don't we? One funny bastard says his only regret as a comedian is the jokes he didn't tell. Which is kind of odd. He's 95. The filmmaker, actor, comedian is a member of the exclusive EGOT club. E-G-O-T. No idea. I was going to look it up, but fuck it. What am I doing?

ABC News here? For those who have, oh, I know what it is. Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony awards. That's EGOT. I got the ego. No, Tony. I don't like fags. His film...

Fucking musicals. That is the... I would blow fucking Jussie Smollett on TV before I'd act in a musical. Probably do it at the same time. His film credits include High Anxiety, Young Frankenstein. These are classics.

History of the World Part I, Blazing Saddles, still holds up, folks, if you don't know these, and The Producers, which was adapted into a Tony Award-winning, that's a show about Hitler, fucking opening a show, right? Fucking Broadway show. Award-winning Broadway musical. He also, the author of the new memoir, All About Me. He was the best guy around. Still around. about me. He was the best guy around. Still around. Still got his marbles. Over the course of his career, Brooks has told countless edgy jokes. Edgy for, I guess, the times. But he doesn't regret any of them, which he shouldn't. Not one, he says, not one would I take back. Instead, he says, it's the

jokes he opted not to tell that haunt him. There were plenty, plenty of jokes I should have just exploded with, and I said, maybe that's a bit too much for the kids or whatever. That's faggot stuff. You want a court by its name, that's strictly for fags. That's back when we had some morals and, you know what I mean? Comedy was a lot, look, do people take advantage of how it is now and rely on filth instead of actual wit? Of course.

But also, come on, Lenny Brew, people, you know, nothing's off, which makes it interesting. Nothing's off topic, in my opinion. If you don't like cursing, go to dry bar comedy. Seriously, people love that shit. But I love the people that go, what surprises me here is most people, again, he lived in a different time. He's almost 100 years old. But most comics, that's in their DNA. To say the joke, even if it's off the cuff, say something the rest of the room's thinking, but would

never say in 100 years. That's where you jump in. That's how the, that's where, it's in your DNA, if you were that kid in high school and shit. So that was kind of surprising, but back then, I mean, he's a Hollywood big shot. Anyhow, I don't know what I'm trying to say, but he did a lot better than I did, so, but I like his, ah, too much for the kids. What the fuck?

Where were you playing? You know what I mean? So I don't know. What we've got here is failure to communicate. Communicate. Have you had a piece of communicate? Hey, let's check out the clip. I have no idea what it is.

Hey, the sheriff is a knick. What are you saying? The sheriff is near. No, God damn it, the server is a mess. By the way, that's what Dallas looks like. That's exactly

what Dallas looks like. Hey, boys. Look what I got here. Hey, where are the white women at? Yeah. Okay.

Remember, this is when we could have fun with comedy, but the left, the left, I feel so vindicated sitting at the comedy cell surrounded by libs, who I like, by the way, you know, but just keeping my mouth shut and listening to them. And people by the way, you know, but just keeping my mouth shut and listening to them. And people go, oh, you know, it's harder to be a clean comic. The dirty ones, it's kind of like, yeah, Richard Pryor is a real hack. Yeah, Sam Kinison wasn't a real comic. I like people who talk the way they do when they're offstage, onstage.

It's called being authentic. I've been cursed in my whole, and it's not even just cursed, yeah, whatever, we've been through this, I'm just saying. You know, that's not true about, well, it's easier. No, I want guys to, it's easier to do a joke about Pop-Tarts, right, than to talk about race and make that... The key to a good comic, folks, you guys know it.

You're fans of this show. It's to say what you want and be funny at the same time. I prefer that. Sure, there's room for everybody but a lot of great comics well i don't consider them great but obviously commercial success is huge talk about david brenner i mean you couldn't commercially he was through the road fucking didn't have a funny bone in his body in my opinion um guys like that i want somebody who's

gonna fucking let it fly. It's more entertaining. Even if you're at the club and you don't like him and he's getting you riled up. Why do I say that? I've seen that happen a few times. You know what I mean? That's my opinion. Kinison, Hicks. Was there any doubt when they got done talking who they were? Or Richard Pryor? Fucking Bill Cosby. Do another dentist bit, you rapist. Shut the fuck up. Anyway, was that the last story? God damn it, it went fast. That is it, ladies and gentlemen.

Again, thank you for joining us today. Cocaine. Just tell you, okay? I tell you. No kids. That is it. Don't forget comicsgym.com. Please sign up. That will be your Christmas present to me. The forget comicsgym.com. Please sign up. That'll be your Christmas present to me. The comicsgym.com.

Sign up on a monthly basis. Please. Go to nickdip.com where you can check my tour dates. Idle till probably early spring, I think. I don't know. Unless something comes up. And cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or a relative,

go to cameo.com. Click on my profile. Tell me a little about the person. I will make a recording on my phone, a little video, ripping them a new one or being nice. I can say congratulations.

That lump was benign, Kevin. Shit like that. Anyways, you guys think and I will say it. You're very welcome. See you back here for the final day tomorrow. Have a good day, everybody. Oh, my God. guitar solo Outro Music