The Nick DiPaolo Show - REPEAT: Special Guest Bill Burr! | Nick Di Paolo Show #84

Episode Date: August 25, 2021

Comey. CNN's insane journalist. Bill Burr.

Hi boys and girls, Nick DiPaolo here. Free speech lives right here on the Nick DiPaolo Show. I'm grateful to be able to do this show my way, and I'm only able to do it my way because of your generous contributions. Please go to nickdip.com or click the link on thecomicsgym.com and contribute today to keep this show and our speech free. Thank you so much. Early on, I put out this episode

where I talk about Comey being full of shit, one of CNN's journalists being insane, as if any of them aren't, and I interviewed the great Billy Burr. So enjoy. guitar solo Oh yeah! Good evening everybody! On a shitty Monday, how are ya? Welcome to the show, great show tonight. Later on, bottom of the hour, 6.30 p.m. Eastern,

the great Billy Burr joins us, fellow Bostonian. Best comic working right now, in my opinion. Yes, Louie's sort of off to the side, but neck and neck with those two for me. Both Boston guys, no bias. They're just fucking great, like the Patriots. Get to them in a few seconds. Let's go to my favorite

traffic guy. This guy is tremendous. Apparently, there's jam up or there's an accident. What do you got for us, Tyrone? Looks like they hit this motherfucker. Bounced off this motherfucker. Made it hit this motherfucker. Put half the engine put the engine back in this motherfucker.

Somebody had to be drinking and driving. look at this here look at this here this is why you do that drink and drive look at that swipe the side of this mother half the cars underneath of this mother which end up pushing this mother into this mother looks like he came back got a control for a second and then hit this mother I don't know where the that came from hit this mother nip this mother right here wasn't done knock the bump off that mother

do that drink and drive. You will f*** up a whole bunch of people's morning and s***. And my mother will see this motherf***er. And I like my mother. I'm 50 f***ing years old. I've cussed him in front of my mom three times in my whole f***ing life. And y'all motherf***ers just allowed 19 motherf***ing motherf***ers to come out in front of my motherf***er's mom. Ear.

For no f***ing reason. He's safe out there. There's some idiots out there if there's not a radio station out there that has the balls to make that guy your traffic traffic copter guy you're a bunch of pussies guy's a genius and another i can't myself turn this up a little bit my headphones or whatever the fuck the mic i don't know what it is anymore um i would uh right there i would uh yeah i would make him my traffic uh chopper guy and uh the video is more proof that only black people should use the word motherfucker because it is poetry in motion motherfuckers um god that made me belly laugh and he's pit and and you know what i relate to him because i've had a potty mouth since I was in third, fourth grade.

I've told you this many times. I grew up with people four or five years older than me, my sister Darlene's best friends. I was very good at football when I was young, and they would always actually call the house and say, we want Nick to play. And I would go home talking fucking like I was five years older than I was. I would say, pass the motherfucking beans, bitch. I'm bitch i'm gonna and uh you know that's how it goes i fucking love that guy so much let's get his name but wait a minute we gotta have him as our traffic guy we'll just make it up we'll have him fucking pretend he'll do that and i'm looking at the motherfucking

teconic motherfucking highway there's a motherfucking traffic jam up in there, motherfucker. God bless him and everything that's holy in the world. How are you? Happy Hanukkah. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Happy Kwanzaa. Ramadan and ding-ding-a-lang.

He was on a plane last week. Pretty sure a terrorist was boarding. He was riding an emotional support camel. Hello. He was on a plane last week, pretty sure a terrorist was boarding. He was riding an emotional support camel. Hello! Yeah, I'm kidding. This is the show where we talk politics, just like you're sitting next to your buddy at a bar, looking up at the TV with six beers in you, and you get a chat, and I'm the guy that's only got two beers in him, making a little more sense than them.

And that's how I describe the show. But can we all agree on one thing? Democrats, I mean, not people who vote Democrat. I'm talking about the politicians. Well, and the people who vote because they've bought into this shit. But they are so full of fucking poopoo, caca poopoo, caca poopoo.

Remember how much they hated Comey after he released all the controversy about Hillary right before the election? Then they loved him, then they hated him. Well, here's a clip, if you don't remember. Let me just say this about Director Comey first. This is a great man. We are very privileged in our country to have him. I want to begin by commending you and the public servants of the FBI for the independent investigation. I greatly appreciate the work that the FBI has done. Back in July. This is July. Shut up.

Oh, do you? You thick-ankled dogface. Go shit in the fucking box. Oh. Chicken lips. Shut it. All right. servant, Jim Comey, somebody with the highest standards of integrity. Now it's a bit of a different story. Alright.

Uh. I know what you did. Not a fucking ounce of morality in him. Ironically, the most sanctimonious political party on the planet preaching morality 24-7 yet fucking zero credibility.

And that made me belly laugh call me was grilled by uh you know the gop fucking bubba committee uh this weekend and and still he's still full of shit up to his eyelids just a lion sack of shit no wonder why him and muller are best friends just too deceitful lying and i hate to say that about a marine when i'm talking about muller but some somewhere he turned thug after he got out of the marines and lost all all objectivity on anything and if you don't believe it go back to the whitey bulger case i've said it nine times on the show where he was the fucking head of the FBI in the Boston area and when they chasing whitey Bulger any imprisoned four guys for over 30 years wrongly by the way it's been proven two of them died in prison so that's all I

can say Kevin in Chicago is asking me why Bill Burr is one of his favorite comics oh this is the anti-semite Why do you have a problem with Billy? He's not Jewish, Kev. Billy Redhead? Because he's not a social judge. He's definitely a conservative side. One of the few in the mainstream that doesn't

cowtail to the freaking leftist commies. So why are you asking me why he's a a favorite comic of mine that would make sense wouldn't it no i said i'm he's one of my favorites oh i thought you guys are i see i i've read that wrong my apologies yeah no well he's not first of all billy burr is not conservative i talked to him on the phone a couple days when he called himself a liberal So you're totally wrong there. But he does... Here's what happens, Kev, now.

When a comic is politically incorrect, they throw him into the conservative junk pile, which isn't necessarily true. Billy's one of the guys that, when you get to know him personally, he's way more liberal. But when he sees bullshit, like a good comic, he calls it out. But... I mean, he's way more liberal. But when he sees bullshit, like a good comic, he calls it out.

I mean, he's so... He's against the... Nowadays, if you're against the freaking radical left, you must be conservative. So I kind of guess I did read that wrong. I want to take one more point.

Did you hear about David Cohen kind of lecturing the new Congress? Was David... Let me... David Cohen is lecturing the new congressman? Is he the runningid cohen is lecturing the new congressman is he the running back from chicago bears the black guy named cohen no no no this is a former ceo of goldman sachs and one of the big ways that goldman sachs good and he's basically lecturing

them saying uh oh you don't know how it works we got to fill you in he's basically um telling them how to play ball and uh we got to get these people out because they got control of our government like no other. They are totally in control, bought off our politicians. It is just the most corrupt. And when people talk about Russia has influence over our election, it's actually Israel who has control over our election, collusion with us. Israel, who has control over our election, collusion with us. You know, Jared Kushner sent Flynn to go speak on behalf of Israel, told them the U.N. vote.

No one wants to talk about that. No one in the mainstream media talks about that. Yeah. How Jared Kushner told Flynn to go, say, told the U.N. to, told Russia not to vote on the U.N. treaty or something like that. Yeah. And try to give favors to Israel. Man, there's so much shady shit going on with Israel. We got to put a stop to it.

Okay, Kevin. Thank you. And all the Zionist controlling the politicians. All right, Kevin. Thank you. Anytime somebody's quoting news and it goes in some shit like that, you lose all credibility. Guys, it's got to be up.

I don't want to have my fucking mic down my throat. Test one, two, three. Test one, two, three. Test one, two, three. There you go, right there. Thank you so much. I don't know. That's Kevin from Chicago. Does not like Jewish people.

I think he was molested by a rabbi in the early 90s and still fucking furious about it. I'd rather hold hands with Israel than anybody else in the Middle East, and we need somebody in that part of the world to hold hands with, Kev. But you can side with the fucking Palestinians who use their women and children

as fucking human shields when this shit goes down. So, you know, the lesser of two evils nick are you calling jewish people i'm calling everybody on that side of the planet evil looking at ryan right now what the fuck is he what are you watching the chat room you're all over the place ryan are you fucking autistic honestly i'm just thinking about the sound settings you're thinking about him how about thinking about them before the show, you titless wonder? Why were they touched?

Or am I not hearing it the same way twice? It's just a little quiet today. What? I'm quiet? Oh, me? No. No, I noticed. This is how I know, Jace. I'm a stand-up comic. I'm very sensitive about the sound.

I shouldn't have to be like this to fucking come in crystal clear. That's all I'm saying. And I make these adjustments while I'm on stage. Anyhow, any he, any... But Billy, yeah, my buddy Billy, he's from a very liberal suburb of Boston, like most suburbs. I guess so am I.

But I just, you know, tuned them out when I was in fucking sixth grade. Not that I was that political. But we'll get to fucking the Dems and their fucking hypocritical. CNN, Allison Camerata should, what a dumb, what a dumb broad this is. What a dumb, what a dumb broad this is. CNN New Day host Allison Camerota used to be on Fox, I believe, as presidential hopeful and Democrat Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper,

who's a real fucking ass. He's a Democrat Colorado Governor. On Monday morning, this is what she asked. He's a white guy. Should he run for the White House in 2020? She fucking throw the video of this life. She's either as a white guy. Are you trying to calculate whether or not this is the right time for you?

Well, this is the time it's worked out. Right. I finished my term as governor. I finished in one month and I have an opportunity to take what we've done in Colorado. We went from 40th in job creation to the number one economy in the country. We've got one of the top rural economies in the country. I think there's a point where someone like me, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm a problem solver. So's Trump, you dink. Bringing people together that historically have been antagonistic. Oh, yeah. Unite people in Colorado. So's Trump, you dink! Bringing people together that historically have been antagonistic. Oh yeah, unite people in Colorado, that's tough. Someone that can bring the divided

parts of the country and the divided constituencies back together. So after Friday's disclosures on a scale of one to ten, ten being you're running, how close are you? You know, I'd say we're past 50-50. I think we're probably 63, 64 percent. You're at a seven. Maybe not quite, but getting there. I mean, it's an interesting time with so many candidates. Did I give you the right? Again, I look at things through a different filter than most of the other candidates out there. And I think, you know, people say Colorado is a flyover state.

You know, Denver was a cow town. But we've changed dramatically in the last couple of decades. And I think a lot of those changes and sort of how we did it, how we work together, it's a message that people should hear, even if they decide they want to make sure that we have the first African-American woman as president. The lessons from Colorado still have value. Sounds like you are leaning towards running any announcement. Did she ask the white guy question?

At the beginning. What did I give you for time? I let you fucking... You sure, Jace? Okay, well, anyways, this is what I think about the her. If I could, I'd grab this microphone. I'd beat your brains out with it because that's what she deserves. That's what she deserves. Problem? You're the fucking problem, you fucking Dr. White onking jam rag arkin spunk bubble i'm telling you h you keep looking at me i'm gonna put you in the fucking ground up yeah big united it's hard to unite a state that's fucking high on weed that's how you unite people say weed is good you know can you imagine her asking that to a black man? Somebody asked Obama, yeah, as a black guy, you think she'd be running?

And think about that question for one second. It might have made sense in 2008 because we hadn't had a black president. Can you imagine somebody asking a black guy running now? Well, you're a black guy. Yeah, and after Obama and how he lost over a thousand legislative seats while he was in office in eight years you think there's a black guy you really want to run in 2020 that'd actually be a relevant question but she's so blinded by her pc horseshit cockapoo it's uh it's fucking well it's laughable isn't it i don't know i wouldn't be comfortable with a guy president fucking hickenlooper

they have what almost 40 people running for president the dem party what does that tell you you think they all have the same mess uh-uh they have no fucking clue from acacio cortez who's a uh 11 year old latina who pretends she's from the bronx actually grew up a town bordering the one i'm talking to you from a rich stuffy area of westchester From her all the way to fucking Hickenlooper. And who else? Oh, Cory Booker. Who actually admitted to molesting like a fucking underage girl. But, you know, good luck with that.

Here's how it's going to go, folks. Here's how it's going to go. The Dems have control of the House come the new year. And they're going to look to impeach. They've already said it they've already laid out their playbook they're going to fucking uh obstruct trump at every move try to impeach him and the country's going to go you know what i got more money in my paycheck for the last year you are gone pelosi will be crying on her leathery nipples. Ba-ba-bee-bom-bom-bom.

So, Ellison Camerota, good job, though. Excellent reporting. But here's why I hate licking, hicking, bicking, dicking Looper. You know how I feel about adults who reference bullies and bullying when it should only be kids? He says, she says, Trump has an uncanny ability to keep all eyes on him. He certainly can command a rally. He's a big

presence in a room. How do you win against that? This is what Hickenlooper says. Oh, you know, it's funny. He's a big presence in the room, but it's all based around bluster. In a basic way, he's a kind of bully. Right away, you know this guy's a pussy. You step back and you look at him. You know, you grew up a skinny kid with thick glasses and a name like Hickenlooper. I grew up dealing with bullies on the playground. Another victim. Another perpetual victim.

Another grown man referencing being bullied 50 years ago. Let it go, pussy. That's exactly what's wrong with the world. You know what? We've all been bullied and we've all bullied someone. What do you think of that? Think about that for five seconds. I grew up dealing with bullies on the playground. It's not that hard, right? He goes, A, you ignore them. And when they say something that's antagonistic, you twist it just a little

bit so they become the butt of their own attack. In other words, you use humor to marginalize them. And, boy, are you a funny fuck. I could just tell from that 60-second blurb that you are a bag of laughs. You know, if people don't pay attention to a bully, they get frustrated and they go away. Problem? You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. White onking jam rag arking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time.

He says, I think the Democrats across the country are going to help decide that. I'm not sure it's clear what it is exactly needed, but I do know there are a lot of strong opinions that list shows the strength of Democrat parties. No, it shows they don't know what they're talking about. You get everybody from moderates to fucking Ocasio-Cortez, you know, a fucking self-avowed

socialist slash communist. So your message is this fucking wide when you should, when you have a point of view, and this goes for stand-up, should be like this, not like this. When your message is like this, your point of view

is this wide you're what we call a crowd pleaser as opposed to a real comic call me grilled for six hours friday behind closed doors they should leave the doors open. It gets very stuffy in there. And, you know, a lot of people farting. All the old fucking crusty white Republicans. But Republicans are calling him back for more. We had more questions than we had time, said Trey Gowdy, who doesn't know where to part his hair.

Is he still around? This guy fucking barks, but he never bites. He's the chairman of the House Oversight Committee. I thought he was going to quit and open a fucking hair salon called the Chop Shop. Comey agreed to return December 17th, but questioned what more Republicans wanted to know. Well, there's a ton more we want to know. Gerald Nadler, Democrat, new york need i say more says he plans to shut down the gop inquiry once he becomes chairman of the judiciary committee

it's a waste of time to start nadler said the entire purpose of this investigation is to cast dispersion on the real investigation by muller there's no evidence whatsoever of bias of the fbi there isn't how about comey coming out this weekend and going you gotta vote democrat he said this on sunday at the ymca on 92nd street manhattan oh what a ballsy statement you gotta vote democrat to stop this shit oh yeah shows you a truly objective during the whole fucking thing but uh republican daryl ice accused comey's fbi lawyer preventing him from being forthcoming a notion that that was rejected by Democrats. Comey and at least one Republican, I'm guessing Jeff Flake. One of the disappointments of this deposition so far has been the amount of times in which

the FBI believes that Congress doesn't have a right to know Issa told reporters. I don't know nothing about that. ISIS, ISIS, ISIS told reporters. I don't know nothing about that. He added the Department of Justice is going to have to agree to allow him to come back and answer a great many questions that currently he is, he meaning Comey, is not answering. Are you saying he knows nothing about these matters? To my knowledge, nothing. I'm going to find out what the hell happened here. Mark Meadows, Republican, North Carolina, who I'm not impressed with,

said Comey's FBI lawyer pushed back on questions on the ongoing Mueller probe, which was consistent with past congressional interviews. Comey defended the Mueller probe as important and said it's being handled very professionally. He rejected the GOP's claims that the Justice Department improperly sought surveillance on a Trump campaign advisor, Carter Page, to launch the Russia probe. We already have evidence of that. Okay, so I don't know what he's talking about.

While Comey praised Trump's nominee for Attorney General, William Barr, he blasted Trump's repeated public gripes with the justice system. Here's video one of Comey After He Was Grilled this weekend. Two things are clear to me. One, we could have done this in open settings. And two, when you read the transcript, you will see that we're talking again about Hillary Clinton's emails. For heaven's sake. So I'm not sure we need to do this at all.

Really? She deleted 33,000 fucking emails and you chose not to fucking dig deeper into that you wonder why we're still talking about it you cheese eater here's video two of the lying cocksucker the president's attacks on the justice department broadly and the fbi are something that no matter what political party you're in you should find deeply troubling and continue to speak out about not become numb to attacks on the rule of law. But with the firing of Sessions specifically? That's not something I can comment on.

Director Comey, can I ask you a question on FISA abuse? It's a major issue for the Republicans. Did you have total confidence in the dossier when you used it to secure a surveillance warrant and also in the subsequent renewals? I have total confidence that the fisa process was followed and that the entire case was handled in a thoughtful responsible way by doj and the fbi i think the notion that fisa was abused here is nonsense you're fucking crazy the whole fisa thing was on the up and up? Really? It's all been fucking laid out. Get your finger out of

your nose. Thank you. Fucking Ryan's digging for gold over there. I don't know what to... Really, the Pfizer thing? It's all been fucking laid out. The fucking false dossier and Christopher Steele. Does this guy watch the news

what the fuck's going on I really don't know but there's obviously you don't have to be a political genius because I'm not just to see how they're grilling the people that they fucking that Mueller's going after

and the Trump administration as opposed to how they handle the Hillary Clinton email scandal. Just total hypocrisy. And it's coming to light. This is what happened one side, in my opinion. Maybe Mueller has a bombshell. I fucking doubt it.

But he's been exposed and the whole fucking thing's a ploy. That is just my opinion, ladies and gentlemen. How about you? 833-599-NICK. Tyler calling me to give me a hard time about the Patriots. Tyler, what up, brother, in New Hampshire? Nick, man, Jesus Christ. You could have put fucking Billy Burr on the goddamn goal line

and he would have knocked him out of fucking bounds. Jesus fucking Christ. Did you see that? I did see it. Relax. How old are you? Let me ask you a question. How old are you, Tyler?

I'm 34 years old. I mean, I've seen every team here win. You know, they all won. You know what I mean? Yeah, I could have told you that. For Christ you know what i mean but yeah i could have told you that for christ's sake i mean the cleveland browns would have made that play hold on but but but but you're showing your age by getting excited about this i'm 57 in about a month and a half i started watching the paybys in 1968 okay i watched them be the laughingstock of the nfl

for over 20 fucking years and And now we have five rings. And that's all you're used to, by the way. I see something like this. It doesn't even bother me anymore. It doesn't. I know what you're saying. Putting Gronk back. I don't know.

But relax, Tyler. I mean, hold on. Hold on. You've seen the Patriots win how many Super Bowls? Five? I've seen them go to eight. I saw them one five. I mean, gee, I mean, you know.

Yes. You can't knock that. But no. Well, no. Who loses a game like that? A lot of teams. That's my point. It just reminds you and people your age that they're fucking human beings.

And so is Belichick. That's what I'm saying. Me watching, I went, okay. Yeah, no, you're right. A few years ago, it would have made me crazy when I was younger, but it just reminds you young guys who are so used to winning that, you know, that, hey, they're fucking

human. And if Gronk made the tackle or whatever, knocked down a pass, you guys would be blowing Belichick. So it's going to happen. This isn't scripted shit. This is real life. But you know what, Tyler? In the end, buddy, I don't think they have enough this year to, I don't see enough of a past Russian shit.

But you know what? We can never, you and I can never second guess Belichick. I think he's proven he knows what he's doing. No, yeah. They, you know, they've done enough. They ain't going to get it this year. But, you know. Maybe not.

I'm going to call in and give you shit. All right. I'm going to lose my mind a little bit. But I appreciate your show, man. Keep it up, man. Thanks, Tyler. Oh, my God, he's a molester. He's got a kid tied to a radiator, and he's talking about the Patriots.

I mean, Jesus, H. But that's how I feel. I was laughing reading all these people freaking out online about this fucking thing. Like the game means anything like the dolphins are going anywhere but it is shocking to see uh you know belgique defense fuck up so egregiously and uh but like i said it's more of a it's more of a reminder that hey you know what shit does go wrong and and and tyler asks what what kind of team does that have what are you talking about how about the the Cleveland Browns?

How about the fucking 24 other teams? The Buffalo Bills, the Jets. Remember Sanchez burying his face in some guy's ass and fumbling? The famous stuff happens all the time. You know what's ironic? You asked me that question. The Miami Dolphins against the San Diego Chargers. When I was a teenager, it was a playoff game.

The Chargers did that to the Dolphins in a playoff game. They did the old hook and ladder, I believe. I hope I'm not confusing my games. But the same thing. They threw a pass over the middle. It was the last play of the game. One of the Chargers caught it. I might be confusing my, or it might have been a Dolphin. I don't know. But they lateraled it and they over the middle. It was the last play of the game. One of the Chargers caught it. I might be confusing my, or it might have been a dolphin.

I don't know, but they laterally, and they won the game. So it does happen. I'm going to hold on. I have a clip. I'm glad Tyler, I'm waiting for Billy to call in, Skype in, because it was a good lead in. The timing was perfect. I have a clip of a Patriots fan, older than me, believe it or not, freaking the fuck out.

And I'm going to show the clip right now, and then we're going to bring Billy in on Skype. But here is a... This is me or Billy Burr. It's me probably in 30 years. Billy in maybe, you know, fucking 45 years. Watching the Patriots when shit went wrong. Here's the clip.

This is scaring me right now. Watch this. Oh my God, they won. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. How do you lose like that? Oh my god. How do you lose like that? Oh my god.

How do you lose like that? Oh my god. Oh my god. How do you lose like that? They won? We just lost. No I mean I. Nas playing the game.

No time left. Oh my god. Grampy alright? How did that happen? Grampy alright? Grampy alright? Grampy alright? Grampy alright?

Grampy alright? Grampy alright? Grampy alright? Grampy alright? Grampy alright? Grampy alright? Grampy alright? Last play of the game. No time left. Oh, my God. Crampy, all right? How did that happen? A freak play. A crazy play. How could it happen?

How could it happen? Where the fuck are they all? They got to keep the other end of the goal line safe. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. You knew they were going to do it. Are you shitting me? Look at this. Let's bring in Billy.

Timing was perfect. Oh, God. Yeah, that's what I was doing. Pull him up on Skype, fellas. There you are. Look at Billy. How are you? You look like a fucking pride.

I got my stupid headphones to work here. Something that'll work. Let me see if these ones will work. Hold on a second. No, they work good. My headphones aren't working for me, though. Oh, okay. It's about me, Nick.

It's not about you here. Here we go. It's about you. This guy's making 100 grand. Billy's making 100 grand a minute, but it's about him. I'm doing a show for my house. You look like a drunk pilot on fucking United right now. I feel like a drunk pilot.

How Billy, how funny. First of all, thanks for joining us, man. This is my, my fans fucking love you because they know good standup. And how funny was that clip I just showed? Is that not you, us, me, and you in a few years? No, I was actually impressed that he didn't lose it quicker. He was just going, oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Then finally the me came out. How the fuck are you going to have a fucking gun? I was like, alright, there you go. How about the fucking woman who's 102 with a walk and going, what happened? She's got like 10 grand on the pads covering. What the fuck happened? No, dude,

I got like 10 of my friends. I got a buddy of mine I was just talking to. He was like, you know, we kicked that field goal. He goes, I went upstairs to wake my son up from a nap and he goes, I came back downstairs like a minute later and all the dolphins were jumping all over each other. He's just going like, how did we lose that? I actually knew

because I taped the game so I knew something crazy happened. I didn't know what because one of my buddies texted me just how we drew it up. Sorry. So I was like, alright. So then I was expecting like a Hail Mary. When he threw it like 20 yards, I was like, alright. So then I was expecting like a Hail Mary. When he threw it like 20 yards, I was like, how in God's name did they score on this play?

I love after the lateral when that guy just started running and all the pass was sort of running with him. It was like an escort. It reminded me like when I used to watch like when Eric Dickerson, you'd watch his like when he was in high school. Like his highlights and you're like, why is everybody running with him?

It's like, oh, they can't tackle him. Yeah. Do you remember the game I'm talking about? I don't know if you're too young. When I was in my teens, it was the Dolphins and the Chargers. I'm thinking it's the game with, remember Kellen Winslow? Kellen Winslow, yeah, carrying him off the field. Yes, because he was dehydrated and shit.

Was that the lateral game or am I thinking of another? It was another game. Was it? That was the hook and lateral and I actually thought that that won

the game but it didn't. That was... Overtime. You're right. Yeah, it was something like that. Yeah, it went into overtime and Kellen

Winslow blocked the shot and then people on the Dolphins were trying to say that years later that he hammed it up for him. You know what I mean remember when paul pierce i love paul pierce remember when they wheeled him off literally in a wheelchair and 10 minutes later he came back it's just like oh my god this guy beat paralysis he's on a spine board and he comes back yeah yeah

that would even have me questioning a bit you know what he's trying to do paul pierce there he's trying to pull a willis reed back in the 70s when yeah willis reed went off in a knicks game it was the seventh game of a playoff game or whatever went off at halftime with a hammy and came back and he buried you know he only scored two points in the like i was saying god damn it why would you know that out of all the fucking guys i'm interviewing because for years i thought he came out and took over the game. He didn't. It was just his mere presence. You're right.

Rappaport made this great documentary about when the garden was eaten. It was about the Knicks, and it was this footage I've never seen anywhere other than in his documentary. Reed fought an entire team, and he beat up a whole bench. It was crazy. Just like 6'5", 6'6", guys just jumping out of the way or going flying

because he hit them. They cut back to Willis Reed. Classic, real deal, tough guy. He just goes, it was a good fight. Good fight. You beat up a professional basketball team. That reminds me of John Wensink challenging the whole, was it the Minnesota North Stars? North Stars, yep. Remember he challenged the whole bench to a fight?

The Bruins had this goon who they brought up after he bit a guy's ear off in junior hockey, by the way. My friend John Barberi in like fifth grade said, they got a guy who bit a guy's ear off, they're bringing him up. And fuck, and next thing you know, Wensink comes up. Yeah. And they challenged the whole Penguins bench after a brawl. Nobody guy's ear off. They're bringing him up. And fuck, and next thing you know, Winston comes up. Yeah. And they challenged the whole Penguins bench after a brawl. Nobody would come off the bench. He was so crazy. He was.

He was a lunatic. That was the generation of Bruins. I came right after that, where a few of those guys were left over. Cashman, Stan Jonathan, Terry O'Reilly. I watched right after. I started watching in, like, 1980 when Bork still had the porn stash and was wearing Espo's number. Yeah.

Back then when they had the Crowders, both Crowders, Keith Crowder and somebody, and Bruce Crowder. I'm that much older than you. Yeah, Norman, that was a fucking tragedy, man. Hey, let me ask you a question. You're a dad, kind of a new, which I can't picture you. I know you. You's a fucking tragedy, man. It was. Hey, let me ask you a question. You're a dad, kind of a new, you have a two-year-old, which I can't picture you.

I know you. You're a comic. You've done bits about how irresponsible you are and fucking lazy like a comedian. What, has it changed you completely as an adult like I always hear? Two-year-old girl he has, by the way. Yeah. People like to lay it on pretty thick. Yeah, people like to lay it on pretty thick.

Parents, it's this weird sort of competition to try to top each other's how much my life changed after I had a kid. Mine changed in that I love my kid and it's awesome being a dad. But as far as like, you know, I don't look at like, you know, the parent that I hated was the guy who was a complete knucklehead. Then he becomes a parent. He starts wearing sweaters and he stops cursing. And he tries to like whitewash his past. It's like, dude, you were doing keg stands. You got arrested for drinking and driving.

You know, so it's like I understand that you got to like, you know, you got to be an example to your kid, but I think you also have to be, I mean, look, I'm only two years into the gig here, but I mean, I feel like you have to be honest with them and stuff like that. So it's been great. And I just try to avoid most parents because a lot of them, I don't know, people love knowing things. Oh, Jesus. them uh i don't know you know people love knowing things so like yeah so like if you have a two-year old and their kid is like two years and three months you're going to get a dissertation from them on what to expect over the next 90 days and it's just like i just like tune it out you know because most it's like oh you wait no two's a great age but two years and three months you wait to see what's gonna it's like shut up like, shut up. It's like, I always just, like, if I can't get out of it,

I'll eventually just say, like, you know, you sound like a terrible mother. I'll say, you sound like a terrible dad. Like, no, no, no, it's great, it's great. Then why are you just forecasting gloom and doom? Because I'm really enjoying the job. She's awesome. And new dads today can't do that. If they were knuckleheads

a few years ago we have it all on social media but they're doing their cake stands and fucking snorting coke off strip as we have all fucking documented so i know i i love how also like you know what they did with kevin when they went back like eight years it's like who was the same person eight years ago and it's just like no frozen in time this thing and then then it's like so then what every time he gets like some gig like that they're just going to keep bringing that up and then i was really disappointed that other performers piled on right after he lost the gig it's like they already it's over he's already laying there on the ground so now you're going to come over and kick him a few times to get, what, a couple more Twitter followers?

Or so somebody can say you're brave? You know, I mean, I don't know. I feel like, you know, human beings are incredibly, you know. Flawed. Flawed, yeah. We screw up a lot. So it's just like, you've got to kind of look at the overall. And I've got to be honest with you.

That guy's one of the, you know. He's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet in the business. Yeah, he made it. He goes back into his neighborhood. He's helping people get in shape. I mean, he's doing all kinds of wonderful things that, quite frankly, he doesn't need to be doing. He could

just sit there and do movies and do arenas, but he actually tries to he helps younger comics out. Like Keith Robinson? Yeah. Remembers people's names and stuff like that. There's a lot of good positive things about that guy. And, you know, I understand why they don't want that type of stuff out there,

but like there also has to be, you gotta give somebody a chance to redeem themselves. And I think if every time you rub their nose in their own shit, you know, I don't think that that works. It's one of the few times it makes me feel happy to be as old as I am because my life

wasn't chronicled while I was doing all the dumb shit on video and on, you know what I mean? I feel lucky that I grew up in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. I was kind of joking with my buddy. I kind of feel like we're like the last sort of fun generation. You know, let's keep it nice. And I'm not saying, obviously, there weren't problems back then,

but, like, you know, there wasn't internet porn. I got to have a childhood. Can you imagine if that shit was around when I was, oh, my God. I can't. Like, these kids nowadays, it's like they're eight years old,

and the brain damage they have, it's like they've been on the vice squad for, like, 40 years. So, um... That's a great fucking line no but dude it's true like i read this whole thing on it when i was sitting there going i'm watching too much internet porn and i i uh i was reading rolling stone or something like that they had an article in there they were talking about how uh you know there's kids that they watch so much pornography before their first actual experience with another person to the point when they're touched their body doesn't respond yeah like they're like these jade they should be smoking cigarettes eating

donuts like it's gonna take more than that honey you know uh desensitized absolutely yes yes it's like teens and it's kind of like wow man like what they missed out on like i remember like on like my first date i was at the movies this is how young i was and literally her hand the side of her hand brushed the side of my hand and i felt like this this jolt goes oh yeah it was just i couldn't believe I was just like, this is like magic. Yeah. Now she could be peeing on your head, and the guy wouldn't blink. He's like, what's that?

Yeah. I'm tired of that. Come on. I just watched this shirt. It's not that you're peeing on me. I just really like this shirt. I had a joke about that as an open mic-er. I actually had a joke about it, and it wasn't even porn.

It wasn't even, this is what, when did I do that? 87, I was an open mic-er. But I had a joke about how desensitized, and I guess it was porn, but it wasn't internet shit. It wasn't big yet. But I had that joke, and a guy would go out with a girl the first time and come home. And back in the day, the friends would be like, so did you kiss her or whatever the fuck? Now it's like, how many fingers did you get in her ass? That's like, you know.

Wow, your dick jokes were ahead of their time. I was very prescient. I was very prescient when it comes to porn. I whacked off to the Indian on the Land O'Lakes Butterbox. That was my whole bit on the fucking evolution of porn. That's how fucking old and embarrassing it is. Speaking of how's the animated thing going, Billy?

F for Family, right? Third season? F for Family. It's going great. Third season just came out. You know, it's Netflix, so you don't get ratings, but it seems like it's doing well, so hopefully, you know, we get another one. We get to go in there and continue the ratings, but it seems like it's doing well. Hopefully, we get another one.

We get to go in there and continue the story. It's really fun to write a serialized show, especially as an animated show. It's just really interesting. One of my favorite shows as a kid, I liked Johnny Quest because if somebody got shot, they died. I thought that was really cool after seeing the coyote fall off the cliff. And be fine. Yeah. He was like an accordion for a couple of steps.

Yeah, he'd get hit with an anvil. And he was fine. Yeah. That's why I hated. That's when I started to turn off on cartoons as a kid. When, like Scooby-Doo, it was like watching a detective show. They might as well have had actors. You know what I mean?

It wasn't the whole idea of animation. Like, you know, it's, well, it's twofold. But I did like when, like, here's a scenario. Remember the Pink Panther? Yeah. This still is in my head. He's laying, he gets hit by an anvil, and is in my head. He's laying. He gets hit by an anvil and he gets crunched.

He's all fucking wrinkly. He lays himself on an ironing board. He's ironing himself with an iron. There you go. The phone rings. He picks up the phone, forgets the irons on his stomach. It burns a hole through his stomach. So he grabs an alarm clock, puts it in the hole, and the alarm clock goes off and he vibrates off the fucking...

That was cartoon stuff. You know what? The Pink Panther had the best sound of somebody falling on the ground. It's an iconic sound. And it sounds like the air is coming out of somebody and the sound of just like somebody hitting the ground. And they've actually used that sound effect in movies today. It was the perfect, I don't know who, you know, they always do like those behind the scenes with the people, you know, punching lettuce,

you know, to make the sound effect. So like if I had a lettuce for a fight, and I was just like, who was the guy that did that sound effect? Who's now like 102. I was like, that was me in 1948. Yeah, they give the guy behind, the Three Stooges gave the guy

that did all the sound effects for them. They gave him a ton of credit. Remember the Stooges getting hit with a fucking wrench? Real quickly, I talked to you earlier. You said you were going to make a sundae tomato sauce. I'm looking at you. Just looking at you. I don't think you know what you're doing.

It's a different world, man. It's a different world, man. I know. Everything's all infused now. Back in the day, how much of an ass-kicking I would have had to get just to get into your Italian-American neighborhood, just to even realize that that dish existed. I grew up in the neighborhood like you, Billy, to be honest with you.

I was in Danvers. Middle-class suburb, all white. I remember my first car loan was there. Danvers Savings Bank. Why? One Conan Street. Why? Why?

Why was it in Danvers? I don't know why. My dad had a good relationship with that bank, so we drove all the way up to the North Shore to get a loan on my first car um here's what you want to do get get a um this is right from italy get okay get it get a cheap pork loin right like six or seven dollars pretty sure you can afford it i see you selling out stadiums in europe and uh just uh just uh yeah braiseise the pork loin in a little bit of oil. You know, braise it slowly. And actually cut it up in chunks first. And then braise it slowly.

Take the meat out. Then you put in your onions and garlic. This is important because you might have to cook for 12 or 14 people someday. And put in the onions and garlic and the tomatoes. Then put the meat back in. You were asking about that earlier. And let it simmer slow for a couple hours. Well, here's the question.

Yeah. When you, after you, do you take any of that grease out of the pan? No, you don't. A little bit. No, you don't. Here's what you do, though. At the end, you're going to have a layer of grease.

Right. Coming from the top. Yeah, which is a sign you're doing it right. That you can sort of scoop off the top. And you scoop it off with a wooden spoon or whatever? Yeah, up your nose with a straw, the way Sweeney used to do it.

Yeah, no, use a fucking... No, you're Irish. Use a beer bottle. Just kind of... But yeah, no, yeah, just scoop it off with a ladle, just a little bit. But that's a sign you're making a great sauce.

But don't forget the onions, the bit, but that's a sign you're making a great sauce. But don't forget the onions, the garlic, and that's my grandmother's recipe from a brutsi. And then shred the meat up and put it back in if you want. I mean, it's already in there, but whatever. That's all it is. I'm going to send you a clip of a guy, because I started watching this. This guy, what's his name? I forget his name he's out in san francisco and and he makes all these different town he goes you know my name's

so-and-so i live on the hill uh nancy every every every morning i walk down and i buy the ingredients and i'm going to cook that evening my name is so-and-so and this is and this is what's left of the italian american section in San Francisco. So he makes a Sunday gravy, and on YouTube, I end up clicking on this other guy, this Canadian dude, who has some sort of substance abuse problem. He's kind of getting hammered. He's baking, he's cooking it by himself. And he just, at one point, launched off into this tangent of some woman trying to cut him at his doctor's office where he said, my doctor's trying to give me my dope.

And I got to send you this clip, dude. This is a cooking clip? Yeah. Oh, my God. It's everything that makes the Internet great. I'll send you the clip. I don't want you to post it because I don't want to get the guy in trouble. Yeah, no, no, no.

It's fucking funny as hell, man. It's a nice Sunday gravy with a Hep C. Fucking touch of Hep C in it. Oh, no, he's smoking butts and stuff. He's like throwing his lighter down. It's hitting the frigging salt shaker. It's hilarious. I got to check that out.

Billy, I'm going to let you go, but you're going to Europe. Yes, I am. This is a rock star comic. Billy, you know i i know this one thing i do those companies don't think i know how to do for a living i really do think you the best out there today and and you know you know what you

want what the lowly to me and uh... this very few guys i idolize i i text billy i was coming home from doing morning radio in connecticut and you came on on satellite radio the rescue dog bit and I actually text Billy I go this made me feel two ways it inspired me to write some more and it made me on the other hand

it made me want to quit comedy because that rescue dog I don't I'm jaded I've been doing this 30 years I don't laugh at anything anymore unless it's somebody getting hurt seriously on the field or whatever but I was fucking I had to text Billy field or whatever. But I was fucking... I had to text Billy. It was just fucking... I was happy and depressed and all in one.

So where are you going in Europe? We'll probably put your dates up, right? After we're done with you here. I know Cologne, Germany. Cologne, Germany, which I learned last time I was there was one of the most bombed cities in World War II. That's definitely saying something. Berlin. I'm going to definitely saying something. Berlin.

I'm going to Budapest, Warsaw, Prague. Jesus. Estonia, Latvia, and everything. Well, that's like, you know, one of the few things that I kind of saw it for what it was was Netflix. And I kind of looked at that, and I was like, because I was already starting to go overseas and I wanted to keep expanding. And I saw like everywhere I was going either net in the beginning and Netflix was either on their way to being there or was already there. Um, that was my first tour. And by the next tour I went to, they were just everywhere. But, um, I was able to, you know, and I have my little tricks on how to sell tickets over there. Like I just started following Liverpool in the premier league see so now i can talk about the game and then i just make fun of people i make

fun of their stadiums and i just sort of give them shit and it's just funny for them hopefully to hear some yank talking about their sport and then it will make them want to come out to the show so it's my own sort of weird marketing that i do no it's brilliant because i was my next question to you was i i've done a little over and i you know i i did manchester festival manchester england they have fun those guys have fun over there but but anytime i've gone overseas um i did hong kong but those are expats in the audience so it went pretty well but even canada i i noticed a lot of my american americana references fall on deaf ears do you do you you don't find that is your stuff like must be no I just I know I just I just act like I'm here and it would take the mistake

I made when I first went over was thinking everything I the last thing I remember thinking about was I had some bit where I was going to use a squirrel as a reference and I'm'm standing on stage in London thinking, like, wait, do they have squirrels? Did I see a squirrel? Did I walk through a park? Do they have squirrels? They cute them like rats over there. Yeah, well, they have those little red ones. They don't have the big gray ones.

But they do have squirrels. So they have ginger squirrels over there, Nick, right? So I was on my heels. So then they got on their heels and I just started bombing. So it wasn't, I was kind of pissed about that. I had a bad show. Then I went to Oslo and it was just a drinking crowd. And I was just like, fuck this. I just walked out there. Like I was going on at the store or, you know, at the comic strip or something. And, um, and I just clicked and they just got, they get a ton of, um,

references and everything. And, uh, you know, but what I find is, you know, I just got to do a couple of them to get it, you know,

under your belt, kind of know which things to steer away from and what to hit a little bit harder. And it works out. Must be. I mean, you're selling tickets like crazy. And, uh, yeah, I remember being up, I was in England,

Manchester, England, and I'm like, oh my God, I see the next bit coming in my head and I'm like, oh, this has like three Subway sandwich shop references in it. What the fuck? Do they know where Syracuse is? Is there a Syracuse, England? Alright, Billy. Hey, man, I. All right, Billy.

Hey, man, I can't thank you enough. And like I said, you're as good as anybody doing this ever, in my opinion. Hey, right back at you. Right back at you. We were telling DePaul the stories the other night. We went out to get a steak dinner, and we were talking about it was Nick says something horrific that loses the crowd, and then his next joke gets an applause break. Story. Yeah, I'm trying to stop that pattern, man.

I make a lot of work for myself. But go to BillyBird.com, I think, right? Is that where we're going to put your dates up? So kill it over there, Billy, and hopefully we'll talk to you again. I can't thank you enough, buddy. All right, I'm going to send you that clip. Watch it after the show. Oh, I will.

And tell me I said hi. Okay, buddy. See you. See you. Bye-bye. Bye. The great Billy Burr. Dude, can we put his website up there?

And seriously, I think he's as good as anybody that's done it, man. He's like every guy I grew up with in Massachusetts. good as anybody that's done it, man. He's like every guy I grew up with in Massachusetts. He looks like every guy I got in a fight with when I was young with those blonde reddish eyelashes, and they hated me because I was tan and Italian. It would be fistfights from fifth grade to high school. And look at this. I mean, some of these are sold out already. Budapest, Hungary, Warsaw, Poland, Berlin, Germany, Prague, Czech Republic, Vienna, Austria. Vienna, Austria, Atlantic City, already budapest hungary warsaw poland berlin germany prague czech republic vienna austria uh vienna austria atlantic city new jersey okay how'd that get in there all right i i that's fine i just wanted to put up his uh that's a fucking rock star thank you guys so much for tuning in

and remember you think it i'll say it you're welcome welcome. We got fights today? No. We alternate now. I didn't want to, you know. Wednesday, they're coming back. We're bringing the fights back on Wednesday. Not in a permanent. I like to, we like to alternate. I think the shot of me pretending to be a news guy at the end, very, very professional. It's my favorite part of the news when the show's off and the camera's still on them

and they're actually doodling, you know, big tits and stuff. That's how O'Reilly got caught. Oh, I'm just kidding. Anyways, that's it. We'll see you guys who are Patreon members tomorrow. And if you're not, you should be going to nickdip.com and signing up. Take care of yourselves. See you later. Outro Music Bye. you