The Nick DiPaolo Show - Replay: Chappell's Smackdown | Nick Di Paolo Show #1215a

Episode Date: May 30, 2022

Repaly of Episode 1203, earlier this month....

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Are you a business owner or marketer looking to reach highly engaged podcast listeners just like you? AdvertiseCast can help. Whether you are looking to promote a national brand across Canada or a regional event or service, we've got you covered. Reach out today to Bob at AdvertiseCast.com. That's B-O-B at AdvertiseCast, as in podcast, dot com. And just a few days ago, the Wall Street Journal quoted a young Hungarian fighter saying, and I quote, Without the javelins, it would have been very hard to stop the enemy pushing ahead. End of quote. End of fucking career. Cacau! Oh yes Cause she believes in me.
Starting point is 00:01:30 I never know just what she sees in me. I told her someday if she'd be my girl, I could change the world with my dick jokes. What a hoax. And hello, kids. Welcome to the Ellen DeGeneres Fashion Show. Yummy, yummy. What's going on? I'm fucking tired.
Starting point is 00:01:51 That's what's going on. What did Nick do? Nick stayed up to 320 watching hockey after he prepared the show. And I awoke at 730 to plumbers coming into the fucking house. So I had a good solid four and a half. Fucking Christ. I'm telling you, rent. Rent. Rent.
Starting point is 00:02:14 Yeah, but the money goes, rent. Yeah, but it just goes up and, rent. Rent. Anyhow, Mexicans, by the way, love them. Fucking come in. This guy had a tool belt on I swear on my mother's eyes it had 31 pockets like a utility belt his pants were being pulled up just going in and out of the door they don't stop fucking love them I'm a big fan of the ones that work I mean you know I'm saying. This world is going
Starting point is 00:02:47 to, I don't mean to exaggerate. Yeah, so I watched a fucking, watched a hockey, a couple hockey games. Very fast, very violent. You should try it out. It's delicious. What did I want to say other than that? I don't I did something else yesterday I can't fucking remember oh yeah I had three drinks at a bar now I can't get on a fucking plane and again it'll be fine I had the weekend planned
Starting point is 00:03:15 you know flying to New York I have my opening act he lives in Brooklyn he can cart me around for the rest of the week for those two days I should say but then my father-in-law is in the hospital he's not He lives in Brooklyn. He can cart me around for the rest of the week, for those two days, I should say. But then my father-in-law is in the hospital. He's not doing that well. So my wife's like, I'm coming along.
Starting point is 00:03:43 And now we have to fly into fucking Kennedy, rent a car, which was exactly what I was trying to fucking avoid when Tommy brought the date fucking eight months ago. I wrote down, stay away from the car my sister's box all right i don't know dallas what did you do last night i don't fucking feel like doing this today uh well we did absolutely nothing all right thanks for adding to the conversation this fucking guy never sits still. I got to ask him. The one time this guy wasn't plastering was some fucking shit. Anyhow. Tarzan was one of our earliest swingers.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Did he ever actually marry Jane? Well, if he didn't, you know what that makes boy. Well, if he didn't, you know what that makes boy. What is it that writes and having writ moves on? A meter maid. How many men on a hockey team? About half. We'll do it live. We'll do it live.
Starting point is 00:04:46 Okay. We'll do it live! Fuck it! Do it live! I'll write it and we'll do it live! Fucking thing sucks! That's me talking about the Bible when I was in seventh grade. What?
Starting point is 00:05:02 What? What? What? Anyways, let's get to it enough of the nonsense dave chappelle was bum rushed at a show last night i have so many opinions about i don't know where to begin first of all i have 10 10 texts to me from people going please protect yourself please bring you know i've had a knife in my back since i in my fucking back pocket since i started comedy so don't think it don't think twice you fucks it would be a gun too but you know i can't i'm not gonna go through fucking the airport and you gotta check it in separately and
Starting point is 00:05:37 the it's a fucking nightmare so i'll just buy one when i get the governor's. Or James, the owner, probably has about 11. I know Jimmy boy. So yeah. So anyways, comedian Dave. And it's so funny because if, look, you guys saw I got socked in the fucking eye five years ago. I mean, this isn't anything fucking new. God damn it. Damn it. I should have found this clip of Kenny Moore. He was a guitar act from Oklahoma. I think a Vietnam vet, somebody told me. Some guy charged the stage. He busted his guitar over the guy's head, pulls it back, and there's a hole just like where the guy's head was. It's the funniest thing you have ever seen. And you can hear the kid on the floor. He goes, that was unnecessary. you can hear the kid on the floor he goes that was unnecessary he goes i want my money back it's the funniest fucking you couldn't have wrote that anyways it's a big deal because
Starting point is 00:06:33 chappelle obviously is as high profile a comedian as there is today and you know people think he's controversial because he called off the i'll say it, if you're famous and black, there's nothing controversial about saying anything about any marginalized group, especially if you're black. So, so, you know, but people, oh, you know, but he's a fucking legend. I love him. He's one of the best comics ever. And, you know, after the Will Smith thing, put the, put the put the seed in some nuts heads. It's a copycat thing now. That's the only danger. When it's somebody that's high profile, that thing goes viral in a second, just like anything else, just like any other crime.
Starting point is 00:07:15 Some shithead's going to get the eye. Hey, especially this generation that'll do anything to go viral. That kid's famous now. He saw himself on TMZ and that's what this generation after generation with such a media-driven society wants. So you do have to think about, luckily, I'm at a stage in my career where it's 99% of the people come to see me knowing, you know, it's different if you're fairly new in the business or you're not quite well, you know what I mean? You're not quite well known and people just go to a comedy
Starting point is 00:07:53 club to go to a comedy club and, you know, you're fucking doing a rape joke or whatever the fuck, you know? I think those are the guys. But again, and I would. I would put a pistol right on the fucking stool next to my bottle of water if I could bring it all over the goddamn country. Anyway, Chappelle was rushed and tackled by an individual. That's not what he was wearing. This is him apparently at, I'm trying to think, Pryor's Journal. I don't know. Chappelle was rushed attacked by an individual
Starting point is 00:08:25 while on stage at Hollywood Bowl in L.A. on Tuesday night during Netflix's first ever live comedy festival. I wonder if it'll be their last. How did it go, Ned? This is probably
Starting point is 00:08:36 a fucking stunt, right? The kid did look crazy, though. But anyways, it's probably, you don't know who to trust anymore. I mean, Chris Rock was there and, you know, But anyway, it's probably, you don't know who to trust anymore. I mean, Chris Rock was there and, you know, Chappelle, he's 48. I knew him, he was a kid.
Starting point is 00:08:51 He showed up at the Comedy Cell as skinny. I mean, a skinny kid. Kid! He's only seven years older than me? He's older than you? By seven years. Jesus Christ. You look five times older than him.
Starting point is 00:09:04 Oh, thanks. It's just, no, it's just the beard. He's got a, he's got a, oh boy. No, I know. Yeah. But I mean, when he sat down at the comedy table, I think he was still 20, 19 or 20. Fucking, anyways, and the identified individual appeared to tussle on the stage floor during the Netflix is a joke fest. See, they're getting the plugs in. That's how you know. Before the individual ran away
Starting point is 00:09:36 behind a screen on stage, security personnel then surrounded and tackled the person in the rear corner of the stage. Some people, they were of the opinion that it wasn't the venue security. It was Dave's entourage or whatever that did it. I don't know. Who knows?
Starting point is 00:09:56 We weren't there. But the guy took a nice pounding, apparently, which he should. And again, my big worry is this is going to plant the seeds. Just like when I got smacked, that was all predetermined by that father and his daughter. She probably didn't even know. The daughter was a little u-bots. And the father, you know, New Jersey, fucking probably left winger, hates my guts, comes up, stands next to me, has me, and I get this, bang. And I mean, it fucking, if that was a guy, I would have probably went down.
Starting point is 00:10:33 But I'm just saying, this is the level that these jerk-offs work. I don't know why, like, other than to be famous, you know, no trans guy is going to charge the fucking, anyways, let's take a look. Yeah, don't show the whole clip, TMZ or whatever the fuck. Is that all they showed? Why would you do that?
Starting point is 00:10:58 He get tackled to the ground? Why would you... Anyways, turns out they say that he had a fake gun with a knife in it. A fake gun. You all saw him. With a knife in it. He had a gun.
Starting point is 00:11:17 Oh, my. Chappelle appeared to run toward the altercation, saying the individual is being stomped. He asks repeatedly for security to remove the person from the stage. Video circulating online and verified by ABC News showed the chaotic scene outside the Hollywood Bowl after the show as police and medics loaded a person into an ambulance
Starting point is 00:11:43 who was restrained. It appeared to be the suspect. It was a trans man. Just his voice. It was a trans man. He sounds like he's doing a white guy, but that's his voice. Fucking quiz. Police sources told ABC News
Starting point is 00:12:06 that the suspect had a gun. Oh my God, every article's different. The other one said it was a fake gun with a knife in it. Had a gun-shaped knife. A gun-shaped knife. Does that make any fucking sense? In his possession when he was arrested. The incident occurred toward the end of the sixth night of the 11-day Netflix Is a Joke Fest,
Starting point is 00:12:30 which runs until May 8th, get these plugs in, and features more than 130 performers at various venues across Los Angeles, which is the worst place in the world to see comedy unless you're seeing a rocker Chappelle. Comedian Chris Rock, who performed early in the world to see comedy unless you're seeing a Rock or Chappelle or comedian Chris Rock who performed early in the night, came on stage as Chappelle moments after the attack and joke. Was that Will Smith? Alrighty then.
Starting point is 00:12:56 It's a good commercial for the thing I gotta say. But that arm didn't look like no joke. That's my shoulders when I used to dislocate my fucking... They stomped that bitch. Sorry, folks. One second here. I was sitting on a spoon. That felt delicious. Prostates well massaged. Yeah, they put a close-up on the guy. There was a picture on the paper and he looked... I don't know. he had cornrows, but he didn't look black.
Starting point is 00:13:26 He looked, that's L.A. It's just mutts of 19 different, you know, like, same with New York. But, I mean, just, but again, he got what he wanted. I'll take a beating, but look at me. I'm on TV. That's all I can think of. But, yes, my fellow comedians, protect yourselves. You should see me when I'm taking pictures now.
Starting point is 00:13:49 I'm like this. Every time the people get home and they look at the picture, I'm like this. Nice shot of my ears. And my act is very conducive to getting smacked if anybody's seen me. But I don't care anymore
Starting point is 00:14:07 because I'm married um let's move on to another person quite angry I mean I've never seen a squaw this pissed off in my life yeah she's almost endearing to me. I picture her being picked on in high school, this titless wonder, Elizabeth Warren, just a nerdy fucking... Anyways, Pocahontas on Warpath. She spoke, I guess, to the Supreme Court yesterday. That's what it said in the article. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:14:39 Why would they let this bitch in? Of course. I wonder what she was upset about. It's unbelievable. So I guess she spoke to the Supreme Court. I would have looked it up, but they didn't, you know, fuck it, I don't care. I just want this person.
Starting point is 00:14:53 No, I don't mean that, literally. I mean, you know, I just, I wanted to disappear. No. So anyways, she had a chat with the Supreme Court. Look, she's out there banging. She's doing what she can do. Let's take a look at that. She's got quite a body on her.
Starting point is 00:15:13 Go ahead. How are you feeling? I am angry. Angry and upset? Angry and upset. Pause. Good question. Good follow-up.
Starting point is 00:15:25 First question, are you angry? Then they follow it up with, are you upset too? Yes. Both. I'm both. Wow. Breaking news. Look at her.
Starting point is 00:15:35 A little nerdy thing. Go ahead. The United States Congress can keep Roe versus Wade the law of the land. They just need to do it. I've never seen you so angry. You seem to be. This is what the. They just need to do it. I've never seen you so angry. You seem to be... This is what the Republicans have been working toward this day
Starting point is 00:15:49 for decades. They have been out there plotting, carefully cultivating these Supreme Court justices so they could have a majority on the bench who would accomplish something that the majority of Americans
Starting point is 00:16:04 do not want. Sixty nine percent of people across this country, across this country, red states and blue states, old people and young people want Roe versus Wade to maintain the law of the land. We need to do that. And we have a right. Extremists. We've heard enough. Buzz. That's plural life is saying you're dismembering children. And I don't know who the fuck the left. I don't know who you think you are.
Starting point is 00:16:36 The fucking even people, even Ruth Bader Ginsburg said, I always call Ruth Gator. Rudy Gator, even she said that Roe v. Wade shouldn't have been in the fucking Constitution. It's a state's fucking thing. They're not saying you can't have a fucking abortion anymore. They're saying leave it up to this. So anytime real democracy surfaces, they shit their pants. Yet they're the ones pretending. They always say, this is the end of democracy. Anytime the right, you fuckers on the left,
Starting point is 00:17:10 do you think you fucking own the planet of this country? I don't understand. You've been killing babies for what? Since 1973. Take a break. Let that knife arm ice that down. Who do you think you are? Oh, my.
Starting point is 00:17:29 And I'm not a big pro-life guy, folks. I say it on stage all the time. But I'm like, what the fuck? They're mad because they can't kill. And again, Liz says 69. First of all, it's 63%. And there's a ton of caveats that come with that 63%. Like, they don't want anything killed after four weeks.
Starting point is 00:17:46 There's a million things. You know, it's fucking weird. They are... See her fly off the fucking handle? You stupid fucking blabbermouth! That's crazy. She was mad. We have... I think we have a uh it's her her brother liz warren's brother
Starting point is 00:18:11 was there he was very upset about what the supreme court was gonna do let's take a look yeah that's screaming eagle warren where are you quiet cry like a bitch. Quiet. Quiet like a bitch. They should redo that commercial only. Instead of trash at his feet, just a fucking fetus lands on his fucking sandals. You guys remember that?
Starting point is 00:18:42 My buddy Dallas here is so fucking... Again, it's the gray beard. I'm sure he looks only 59 when he takes it off. But you guys my age remember that commercial. My dad used to make jokes about it, too. My father was so goddamn funny. What's he crying for? Pick up the trash.
Starting point is 00:19:02 Shit like that. Then there was a John Hancock commercial john hancock insurance and the song was you put your john hancock on a john hancock my father would sing in italian i go what does that mean john puts his hand on his cock my father dead serious without even trying to be funny. I'm fucking shitting my pants. Dad, I go, what does that mean? Got some, man, I got some man. Well, man is hand, gots is dick.
Starting point is 00:19:32 And he would laugh to himself. Me and my mother's like, what the fuck's he? The late, great, big Nick. Jesus Christ. My dad, my closest friend. Might have to get shot on stage. I don't like it. I remember when my parents were getting older
Starting point is 00:19:54 and their friends started dropping off. I have a whole bit about it. I said their friends are sliding off. It's like a shelf. They're like almost sliding off a broken shelf and smashing on the ground. Yeah, it killed in front of the 12 drunk people that were there. Anyways, let's move on to some more. As the A4 mentioned, Ukrainian-Russian war. Ukraine versus Ukraine this time. Where?
Starting point is 00:20:18 In Europe? No, in a bar in Brooklyn, a karaoke bar. I didn't think they allowed that in Brooklyn. An enraged Ukrainian man stabbed a compatriot, that would mean another Ukrainian, for speaking Russian at a Brooklyn bar at a booze-fueled spat that's now being investigated as a hate crime. First of all, if they're both Ukrainian, how can there be a fucking hate crime? Indril Malezhkov, who was born and raised in eastern Ukraine, he's the good guy, and has a Russian mother, said he was at
Starting point is 00:20:55 Signature Karaoke Bar. I brought the place down. I did feelings. I did it in Spanish. Signature Karaoke Bar, that's the name of it, in Sheepshead Bay, where my friend Colin Quinn grew up, celebrating a friend's birthday last Monday, when Oleg Sulnya, 31, sat down at his table
Starting point is 00:21:17 and started hurling profanities at him and his buddies. I guess he hit a few flat notes when he was doing Sister Christian. You look Russian, Sulnya, who was Ukrainian, sneered, according to the prosecutors. Maleshkov, 36-year-old truck driver who left the Eastern Europe locale and moved to Brooklyn in 2015, insisted that he was Ukrainian. But Sulnya didn't believe him because he's crazy. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved? We switched to Ukrainian. This is the good guy talking. We switched to the language of Ukrainian in order to calm him down.
Starting point is 00:21:53 But it wasn't, it was getting more and more agitated. He started asking us to translate words to prove that we were Ukraine. You see what alcohol does? Nothing scarier than an alcoholic from fucking ukraine or russia sumya demanded maleshkov and his friends say the word palit palitstia palina yeah palitia that's right well said soldier palincia a type of ukrainian domed bread that native russian speakers have difficulty pronouncing because of its combination of vowels and consonants. I had trouble myself when I grew up in Likiv. According to
Starting point is 00:22:33 prosecutors, that's what Moleskov told them. First of all, Russians have a problem. So if he said it right, he would have got smacked around. would have killed him right he was if he said well he's a ukrainian he just speaks russian so he probably would have said it right yeah that's what i mean i don't get the test anyways uh if you get it wrong listen here's a quote from psycho if you get it wrong i'll have my way with you melezkov said look i ain't that, but we'll see what happens at last call. Anyways, that's what the bad guy says. I'll have my way with you once, according to prosecutors. What, are you going to slow dance with him? Maleshkov,
Starting point is 00:23:16 whose parents are currently hiding in a basement in Zaporozhets to escape the Russian army's onslaught, said the word. He said the word as he attempted to pay the bill, and leave the bar, but Somia just kept getting angrier and angrier the alleged victim. This is fucking crazy. I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore.
Starting point is 00:23:43 Prosecutors said Somia grabbed two beer bottles that were on the table, smashed them together. Old trick I used to do. Well, I used to use styrofoam cups. It was a cookout. Smashed them together and turned down, turned toward Maleshkov and threatened, I'm getting ready to
Starting point is 00:24:00 kill you. Yeah, well, I think we picked up on that. Maleshkov realized something horrible had happened when he saw blood streaming down his arm from slash wounds to his cheeks ears temple and neck that eventually required 17 stitches look they're already infected smell and they're green what the fuck what the fuck comrade here is something that might be of interest to you it's a domed bread say please i got lucky the guy said who got slashed the paramedics told me it's my second birthday that's the thing in russia they do when you almost get killed, right? They look at it that way. My second
Starting point is 00:24:46 birthday, because the wound that was on the left side on the neck, it came really close to the carotid artery. Jesus. Maleshkov, it's the last time he'll try to do Sinatra tunes. Maleshkov took Somia to the ground and then sat on top of him, putting his elbow on his neck to stop him from attacking while he waited for the police. Somia, a construction worker who lives in Brooklyn, Somya to the ground and then sat on top of him, putting his elbow on his neck to stop him from attacking while he waited for the police. Somya, a construction worker who lives in Brooklyn for more than 12 years, was hit with felony hate crime charges and a slew of other acts, including menacing, harassment, and criminal possession of a weapon, murdering a Cindy LaPatoon. Where did I get that joke? I'll tell you where.
Starting point is 00:25:25 I wrote it for Colin Quimley. He was on SNL. Somebody got killed in a karaoke bar. And I said, that's where the charges of murdering two Sinatra. It was a lesbian bar. Oh, God, I'm having such a good time here tonight, kids. I'll tell you, I can't even. I have Nick the pig as a friend.
Starting point is 00:25:48 Excuse me? The fuck you say? The fuck you say? You suck your father's dick with that mouth? Oh! Anyways. So that's Brooklyn. I guess the motto of the story, don't be doing karaoke.
Starting point is 00:26:03 It's, you know, Brooklyn's supposed to be, well, Williams, it's the hipster capital of the world. So they, you know, something like that would be frowned on, karaoke. But Sheepshead Bay is a different story still, I guess. Anyways, let's move ahead. As you guys know, I'm back on tour. Makes me sound like I'm Zeppelin in the 70s. Just as a quick update, my show this Friday at Governor's in Levittown, guess what?
Starting point is 00:26:26 It's sold out already. If you're in the New York area, the only show left to get tickets for is at Peak Skill at the Paramount Theater on Saturday night. So make sure to get those now. It's this Saturday, May 7th
Starting point is 00:26:40 at the Paramount Theater and you can get tickets at nickdip.com and click on the tour button. Also, for those of you who live down this way, I'll be in Myrtle Beach, May 20th and May 21st at the Comedy Cabana. I had a great time last time. They were very nice, the family that owned it. You can get those tickets also on my website at nickdip.com. Click on the tour button. Is it ever going to end?
Starting point is 00:27:07 The comedy, the stand. Is it ever? I mean, I love it, but don't get me wrong. If I could do it from the roof of my house every Wednesday night for a half hour, I'd be good. Let's move on, shall we? We're ripping right through this shit,
Starting point is 00:27:20 you know what I'm saying? The little laptop that could. Is that yours? How about it? Dallas, name that one. Not bad, fella. The little laptop that could. The Delaware computer repairman who blew the whistle on Hunter Biden's laptop, you know, it was just Russian op, according to the left, filed a multi-million dollar defamation suit Tuesday against pencil-neck geek f***ing rep Adam Schiff, CNN, The Daily Beast, and Politico,
Starting point is 00:27:55 saying they falsely accused him of peddling Russian dis-im-for-god-damn-mation, and there's no doubt they did. Gotta win that one. The former shop owner, John Paul Mack Isaac, decided to fight back after losing his business and being harassed for 18 months by big tech, the media, and Delaware locals. What a bunch of left-wing douchebags.
Starting point is 00:28:25 You don't want to live anywhere near there. Move out of there, fella. And Delaware locals and President Biden's home state. I think we have the fella talking. He was selling cookies at the time. Go ahead. Go ahead. Bagger Vance.
Starting point is 00:28:38 Once the story was out and my name was leaked to the public, it's been a matter of at first running and hiding uh and now it's trying to just rebuild my life and and do it in a manner that's not restricted by public opinion of me being involved in a russian disinformation campaign guy's life has been fucking ruined and that's what they they do to you you know still wouldn't wear a pancake with a caterpillar on it on my head. But after fighting to reveal the truth, he said, all I want now is the rest of the country to know that there was a collective and orchestrated effort by social and mainstream media to block a real story with real consequence. It would have affected the election.
Starting point is 00:29:20 Do you understand? He should be pissed. Do you understand? He should be pissed. For the nation, the 45-year-old Mac Isaac told the Post, this was collusion led by 51 former pillars in the intelligence community and backed by words and actions of a politically motivated Department of Justice and FBI, he continued. we all know that Twitter buried the story and it really had an effect. I want this lawsuit to reveal that collusion and more importantly, who gave the marching orders? The guy's got his shit together. You picked the wrong repairman
Starting point is 00:29:58 to fuck with. Mac Isaac came to league. God, I hope they never find my laptop. Jesus Christ, it ain't me cooking. I'll tell you that much. Mac Isaac came to legally. Oh, I made meatballs.
Starting point is 00:30:12 I'll give you the recipe after the show. I mean, during the show, folks. Oh, my God. I've been making them a long time. I have to do what I did yesterday, and I have no idea. Legally on the laptop after Biden's son Hunter dropped it off at a store for repairs in April of 2019, and he never came back for it with all that shit on it. You know how fucked up he must have been? The material on the laptop has raised serious questions about what Biden knew of his son's
Starting point is 00:30:37 overseas business deals, during which he and the president's brother, Jim Belushi, often invoke his powerful name. Mac Isaac handed over a copy of the laptop's hard drive to the FBI in December 2019. Eight months later, alerted then-President Donald Trump's lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who provided a copy of the hard drive to the Post. When the Post's first story broke in October 2020, just three weeks before the presidential election, Twitter and Facebook moved to censor it.
Starting point is 00:31:04 You guys know. Then Shift and 51 former scumbag intelligence agents labeled laptop Russian disinformation. Shift is the devil, man. Fucking people. Fucking hate that motherfucker. You have no idea how to defend a nation. In the aftermath, Mac Isaac says his business and reputation were ruined. Mac Isaacs, you know what you do, Mac? That's what you do. Move to fucking the Snow White fucking state. Go to Idaho, Iowa, whatever, even though they're getting polluted.
Starting point is 00:31:36 Utah, Salt Lake City, open it there. You'll get business just because of who you are, what you did. Maybe I'll manage you. I only want 4%. Take off the fucking hat. Mac Isaac said he's since endured false accusations of being a Russian spy and a stooge for Russian. See how the left is for Putin, which they said about Trump. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved?
Starting point is 00:32:03 Exactly. Why? Because that's all we have left. We can't say racist bigot anymore. That doesn't work. God, I hate that. I am so sick of you motherfuckers. Anybody?
Starting point is 00:32:13 We're at the point now. Yeah, if you vote different than me, you're a fucking jerk off. I would never say that before, but it really is the devil and whatever. Yeah, but Trump was mean. His tweets hurt people's feelings. Trans people were crying. That lesbian, remember when she found out she was screaming on her knees? Big fucking neck.
Starting point is 00:32:37 French bulldog face. I love that that hurt her that much. Because I know broads like that look at me and they want to punch me right in the face. Because I have the same haircut, only better. And this shirt, this is a very lesbian shirt. It's from the Robin Roberts line. Does anybody exude political correctness more than Robin Roberts? A female, black, gay
Starting point is 00:33:06 woman with breast cancer. Forget about the cancer. It makes it even worse. But I used to cringe when she was on ESPN. She just exudes that, you know, and remember with Jussie Smollett, she was
Starting point is 00:33:22 sucking his dick, just nodding at everything he said. People make me sick. You have no fucking minds whatsoever. Not you people. You know what I'm talking about. What the fuck, T? Not for nothing.
Starting point is 00:33:35 He dropped off the fucking computer nine months ago. Tell me what you do. Here's a story. Tell me what you do. Here's a story. We already had one bloody story, and a Ukrainian cut another Ukrainian. A lot of blood in the show today, folks.
Starting point is 00:33:54 What's the headline? Blood sport. Golf's world number three. You see how they don't put women's? It doesn't say women's golf. Golf's world number three, Lydia Ko. I would have thought it would have been, you know, Johnson or... Lydia Ko has been praised. Why would she be praised?
Starting point is 00:34:18 For her honest answer about being on her period, which left her interviewer lost for words. She brought up her period during a post-sync. Mother John is angry. Oh, it is. It is. Well, hit that ball, girl. It's pissed off.
Starting point is 00:34:34 And she sliced it. During the final round of the Palos Verdes Championship on Sunday, Ko was a co-leader. Ha, ha, ha. Ko could be seen receiving treatment. How do you treat a pear? You put ice pack on your snatch? I said.
Starting point is 00:34:57 I'm leaking from my headless buffalo. Welcome to eighth grade. Seen receiving treatment from her physical therapist, Chris Wicker. Good name. For an apparent tight back is what it looked like. Having completed her round in posting a one under 70 to finish tied for third, the New Zealand player was asked by Golf Channel reporter Jerry Foltz, I guess he gets all the great assignments, about the trainer that was rubbing her down
Starting point is 00:35:24 and if there was any long-term concern. And this is what... I like her. I mean, I love... You know, I'm not... It's just funny. I like the honesty, and I'll give you my opinion after,
Starting point is 00:35:36 but here she is. Chris Wicker to come out and give you a little physical therapy as well. Is that a concern moving forward? I hope not. It's that time of the month I know the ladies watching probably like yeah I got you so when that happens I my back gets really tight and I'm all twisted and it's not the first time that
Starting point is 00:35:58 Chris has seen me twisted but it's a lot better after he came. So yeah, there you go. Thanks. I know you lost rewards, Jerry. Guy got all flushed. I think the guy got all loopy, not about the period part, but when she said he came and it felt, and it got better. That's usually not how it works. You come, and it feels better. What a weird, funny, you know what? It's whatever. I'm just saying. It's such a big, but then, of course, I start reading articles.
Starting point is 00:36:36 They can't leave it alone, the feminists. Why is that an uncomfortable thing? Shouldn't they be able to talk about that? Ko's openness about her period, a topic in women's sports that is often seen as taboo. Really? Earned her a huge swell of praise on social media. Of course it did. Social media is all leftist.
Starting point is 00:36:58 And I'm not saying what, whatever. Maramara Davidson, the New Zealand Greens co-leader, said on Twitter that period pain is definitely not acknowledged enough. You're telling me. I wasn't going to come in today. My nipples are sensitive. ESPN journalist Zania Dukanja. Jesus, these names suck. Dukanja.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Oh, my God. It's this close to ****. We should normalize women in sports talking about periods like this. It's not an excuse or an embarrassment. It's just a bodily function. Yeah, you know what? So is diarrhea. I don't want to hear **** Phil Mickelson when they say,
Starting point is 00:37:41 why'd you blow that two-footer for the **** green jacket? Well, I was at Applebee's last night swallowing jalapeno poppers. It's a bodily function. Yeah, so is shitting. Why'd you hook that into the woods? What, are you kidding me? I got shit pains from that shrimp. Delicious.
Starting point is 00:38:00 Thank you. Thank you, big boy beef stew. delicious. Thank you. Thank you, Big Boy Beef Stew. That's my... In high school, that's what my friend would call going down on his girlfriend when she had a period. Big Boy Stew. What the fuck is...
Starting point is 00:38:13 We call it that. Earning your red wings. Earning, yes. That was very unoriginal, but yes. Earning your... That's what we called it. No, I know. I've heard that many times. Here she is after a double bogey on 17. We have a picture of her, Miss Ko. And there she is, very upset.
Starting point is 00:38:33 Oh, somebody get her a sandwich. No, a sandwich, not a sandwich. Anyway. I couldn't find one with a girl like that that had a putter in her hand. Anyways, what's next on the agenda, producer? Voicemail. Oh, we got a voicemail. Can I give out the number, Tom?
Starting point is 00:38:57 Would that help? What the fuck are you doing? I've got to fucking do everything myself around here. This would be a good time to give out the fucking phone number. Is it a phone or are they texting you? It's only for people that subscribe to the Patreon. Okay, but they still need it, don't they?
Starting point is 00:39:15 Anyways, we got a voicemail segment. Am I supposed to read this first or take the call? Get a first paragraph and then we have the audio. Thanks to everyone who continues to leave voicemails on the Ask Nick line, my mother, my cousin, two guys that went to high school. I got this one from Dave yesterday in upstate New York.
Starting point is 00:39:35 I want to play this and respond to him. Here is Dave's question. Hey, Nick. What's going on? This is Dave in upstate New York. Just had a question for you. I wanted to know if you heard about what Anthony Cumia had said about Bill Burr. Supposedly they met, I think it was out in Los Angeles, and they had a meeting together. Bill Burr even told Anthony that he felt uncomfortable even being there. Supposedly his wife told him he can't work with Anthony anymore.
Starting point is 00:40:11 I want to know what you think about that. What do you think about Bill basically telling Kumia that he can't work with him professionally anymore because of that incident with Anthony. Something happened in Times Square a few years back. All right.
Starting point is 00:40:26 Anyway, I just want to get your thoughts on that. And a big fan, as always, and love you. Take care. You got it, brother. Kind of a good question. It kind of touches home a little bit. Know both the guys very well. Anthony Comia was part of the Opie and Anthony show, which was huge in New York.
Starting point is 00:40:48 And he was always there for Billy Burr and me and the comics when we needed to plug something. Years ago, probably going on eight years ago, maybe even more, Anthony's in Times Square at like two in the morning taking pictures. And some like trans woman thought he was taking a picture. I don't know if it was a trans woman or a black woman, I think. She thought that he was taking pictures of her or whatever. Maybe he was. I don't know. But she fucking tried to smack him.
Starting point is 00:41:16 So Anthony said something about savages the next day, which got him in a bunch of hot fucking water. So you become radioactive, you know, but I still did his fucking show because you either believe in free speech or you don't. Now, as far as Billy goes, twice I went out to L.A. I was doing other podcasts, Rogan's, and he told me I was going to do his. And twice at the last minute, he told me he couldn't have me on. My immediate instincts were that has to be his wife. He's married to a black woman who's very nice, by the way.
Starting point is 00:41:53 She worked at at Tough Crowd with us. Fucking sweetheart. But she seems a little to be getting caught up in this. I'm telling you, you stay in California long enough, you'll stop believing this shit. But so I, that was my assumption that his wife said, you can't have Nick on. Again, I don't know that. That's just speculation of my part. But after hearing this, I think I might be. And for Billy to say that,
Starting point is 00:42:19 I don't feel comfortable even being in the same room with Anthony. That's fucking, that's dog shit. You know, you either believe in free speech or you don't. But Billy's way more liberal than he leads on. He called me astoundingly ignorant because I made the point that a lot of the social ills in this country are from black illegitimacy rights, meaning poverty, crime, blah, blah, blah. And he called me astoundingly ignorant for saying that because, you know, in his version, it goes back to slavery and blah, blah, blah, which to me is racist. I
Starting point is 00:42:50 expect the same from black people as I do anybody else. I mean, what's the shelf life on that fucking excuse? You know, and there's enough successful black people to prove that that ain't the case anymore. Again, in my opinion, I like both those. I love fucking Anthony. I'm hoping I'll see him at governor's. And Billy Burr is as funny and, you know, I think I might've had that success, but I didn't go the route I did, dropping the C-bomb every three, but, you know, Billy Burr's a good fucking guy. And so Anthony, I don't want to get in between it, but, you know, Billy Bird's a good fucking guy, and so, Anthony, I don't want to get in between it, but I just don't want to hear Billy talking about free speech
Starting point is 00:43:29 and people pointing him out to be like he's some type of, you know, pushing the boundaries. That's all. That's all I say about it. Good question, Dave. Maybe I'll see him peak skill. Bring your sister. Not Patty, the other one, Eileen. Not the one with the fucking club foot, the other one with the hair lip. All right. Let's move on, shall we? Again, if you're a monthly subscriber, you have the voicemail line. So leave me a message and I'll respond. And if you don't have the number and you subscribe monthly, send me an email and we will get it to you. Aye. Aye.
Starting point is 00:44:10 Finally tonight, like David Copperfield, Chinese want Lady Liberty to disappear. Sony reportedly refused the Chinese government's demand to scrub the Statue of Liberty from Spider-Man No Way Home. Oh, God. Still making these childish shit. You fucking nerds have ruined cinema. I love what's-his-name said. You know, Goodfellas director. Scorsese.
Starting point is 00:44:38 He said, that ain't filmmaking. He came right out and said it. According to Puck. Who, Peter Puck? There was a, there was a, anyways. According to Puck on Sunday, citing multiple sources, the Chinese government requested the Statue of Liberty be digitally removed from the film. Who the fuck do these motherless fucks think they are? You know what?
Starting point is 00:45:01 I deleted the rest of my soundbites. Fuck. I deleted the rest of my soundbites. Despite its inclusion in a pivotal scene in the movie, Sony, guess this, rejected the request. I'm guessing. I'm so cynical. We know Sony.
Starting point is 00:45:19 Remember they got hacked? Hollywood Goods. It was Sony who got hacked by the Chinese, right? Anyways, so maybe they did say no. I thought this might be another. Meanwhile, they'll do business with him some other way. The Chinese government then asked if the Statue of Liberty could be, according to Park, minimized in the sequence.
Starting point is 00:45:46 If Sony could cut a few more patriotic shots of Tom Holland standing atop the crown or dull the lighting so that the Lady Liberty's visage wasn't so front and center. Sony considered the request but declined. Good. Good for you. I mean, who the fuck do they think they are? What the fuck? Huh? It's funny.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Listen, and again, the left probably is fine with this. That's the other thing about take away from what's going on right now with the Supreme Court thing being leaked and they're already threatening violence and shit and they make fun of like Trumpers ending democracy. They are fucking truly insane. Sony's stance comes as Hollywood has come under fire for censoring making certain edits at the request of the Chinese communist government.
Starting point is 00:46:39 Yes, they have been for a long time, but they stuck to their guns. One example includes the 99 iconic film Fight Club, according to the New York Times. Instead of a successful plot to destroy a series of buildings, the Chinese version of the cult... Is that what it was about? Apparently it wasn't a panic. I was looking at Brad's abs. Chinese version of the cult classic starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton ends with a note to viewers. This is the Chinese version, folks.
Starting point is 00:47:12 This is what it says at the end of Fight Club. They give a note to viewers saying that the police rapidly figured out the whole plan and arrested all criminals successfully, preventing the bomb from exploding. Oh, my God. Do you fucking believe this? And I don't know why we're laughing, because if you let the Dems do what they want to do, they will be doing the same thing.
Starting point is 00:47:42 It's about control and power over you. They look at the goddamn Chinese communist government, that's a prototype for them. It's a fucking I'm not fucking joking, folks. It's getting really creepy. As for Pitt's character, the note says he was sent to an asylum.
Starting point is 00:48:00 Now that's when he married Angelina Jolie and later discharged. Never mind that the character is actually a figment of Norton's character's imagination. We have video, too. Oh, that's right. This was the answer by Sony. They said, fuck you. And this is what they sent them.
Starting point is 00:48:20 David Popovich. Yeah! Yeah. Yeah! Yeah! We'll do it live. Okay. We'll do it live! Fuck it! Take that, you Chinese motherfuckers!
Starting point is 00:48:40 The president of Sony said this. Kiss my ass. That is it, folks. That is it today. Don't forget to sign up monthly, please, at thecomicsgym.com or patreon.com, nickdip.com for touring dates and merchandise, and cameo.com if you'd like me to roast a friend or relative. Go to cameo.com.
Starting point is 00:49:03 They'll tell you how it's done. I'll make a little video zing-zanging them. Hope to see you guys Friday or Saturday night up in the New York area. That is it. You guys think it, I will say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here for the final day. Is that right?
Starting point is 00:49:17 Tomorrow's Thursday? Final day of the week tomorrow. Not for me. I've got to work all weekend. What the fuck? Anyways, take care. Oh, yeah. guitar solo Outro Music

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