The Nick DiPaolo Show - Replay: Colin Quinn | Nick Di Paolo Show #1305a

Episode Date: November 14, 2022

Complete Interview with Colin Quinn

I'm a man Oh yeah! Welcome! Another Monday! Great state of Georgia. How are you folks? Good to be with you. the Monday. Great state of Georgia. How are you folks? Good to be with you. What better way to finish off the Monday show than probably my closest friend in the business. I don't think the feeling's mutual, but

I don't have any friends. But you guys know him. You love him. He invented the best show ever on Comedy Central. Tough crowd. Not to mention S&L. Numerous, numerous Netflix specials with his one-man shows, Unconstitutional, Long Story Short, Kevin Meets Sally, all those great ones.

Please welcome the great, the legend, Colin Quinn. Quinny, oh, look at you. I'm dressed like Kevin McSally from Charlestown right now. You do. You look like you know who you look like. You dress like Ben Affleck if he's playing a Boston guy in the Departed or whatever. Let me hit the clock here just to be official. Yeah, I'm dressed like I'm a lawyer for the Dairy Association in Oklahoma. Okay, first question. Why don't you leave in New York? I mean,

come on. You can always go back, you know, don't you want? Or do you like it like this? This is nothing. I always tell people, they go, oh, it's so dangerous now. I go, this is nothing i always tell people you keep they go so dangerous now i go this is not dangerous in the 1970s yeah now it's like there's homeless people could attack you that's true one maybe two yeah in the 70s there were gangs you would get in the train if a gang get on there's nothing you could do a homeless guy you might actually be able to beat him half the time you can.

You might be able to escape him. New York in the 70s was 60s and 70s was a different ballgame. This is child's play. I guess you won't be leaving any. By the way, he has a pink belt in Taekwondo, so that's why he talks like this. No, that's a good talks like this. Yes. No, that's a good point, because you watch movies

from the 70s about New York. It always was gangs. Exactly. Yeah, they're creepy, and you don't want to get whatever disease they have, but most of the time, you're like, I can take this guy. Even if I can't take him, in my mind, I'm like, I can take

this guy. Yeah, that's true. him, in my mind, I'm like, I can take this guy. Yeah, that's true. It's about numbers, as they say. So this doesn't even faze you. Especially you. You look like a beast. We saw that preview for the movie, and all the comedians are going, Nick DiPaolo looks like a ripped 30-year-old. Maybe 20.

It's unbelievable. I don't get that, honestly. I saw the two-second trailer. All I saw was me running away on the volleyball on the grass there, and I saw a handlebar, a love handle, whatever they call it. Fuck it. I always say handlebar. You look like an Ohio University, not an Ohio State,

but an Ohio University running back. No, you know what? You always said this, too. You got it perfect. You go, and you said this 15 years ago about guys our age. You said, people look at us now and go, I bet you that guy was in good shape a few years ago. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what we're going for. Nobody told me my tits were going to drop like a woman's. The fuck? We're doing good. Believe me. Well, yeah, I'm doing the old. Have you done the testosterone therapy yet? I haven't yet. But I told

you I was on... I took this girl that was on steroids. She saw me naked. She goes, you take steroids? I go, no. Why? Because I'm so muscular. She goes, no, because your balls are shrunken and you have pimples on your ass. Do you know that's totally true, folks, about the nut shrinkage?

One of my best jokes ever. It's a, absolutely. I thought Linda Smith wrote that. That's yours? All right. Remember, she did the one about moving the refrigerator? She had a nipple on it. Remember that?

One of her three jokes, and then she went away. That's so funny because the whole nut shrinkage thing is true. Yeah, is that what happens from steroids? I don't like it. I always got compliments of my balls from a couple girlfriends the pastor of my church and one other guy

what would they say they would say your balls are nice and soft and I'm going what do the other guys have for balls what do you got some type of Corinthian leather? No, you get like a marble implant.

I don't know. But yeah, so since I'd done testosterone, again, the nuts shrink. And my doctor, of course, goes, well, you know, that makes the other thing look bigger. And I said, what, you're built? Good point. Yeah, you know, that makes the other thing look bigger. And I said, what, you're Bill? Good point. Yeah, I know. You know what I'm going to get if I ever lose one of my balls? I'm going to get a fishing weight.

Of course, Dallas is loving that, a Texas guy. Yeah, what do you call that you put on your line? What's it called, a sinker? Sinker. Yeah, a sinker. In Boston, we called it aer? Yeah, a sinker. In Boston we called it a sinker. A sinker. Yeah, so that

was one of the things. But I told you Joe Rogan, and this was twice five years ago when he used to like me or whatever, and I'm on a show and I go, yeah, I'm thinking about juicing. And I said that to ten people and they all had the same reaction. Why would you do that at this age? You're going to blow out your kid. Rogan looks at me.

He goes, why wouldn't you fucking dead serious? Why wouldn't you? He goes, what's the alternative? Getting old and dying. So, but I mean,

look, you know, go ahead. I think about it, but I'm very not yet. If you're going to do that, you have to be a disciplined workout person. You can't be the guy.

And I know I'd be the guy that took the shots and didn't work out. And that's not a good look no it's not but this isn't what i'm doing is not that this isn't anabolic uh it's still considered steroid testosterone but it's not anabolic sterile you know when i played up at maine guys would be on that you know they were worse than women they were on this cycle they're in the middle of a 30-day cycle right i'm in the shower after a practice and they shoot each other on the ass the linemen, literally sticking syringes in

their ass, and I go, you're going to blow your liver out to play UMaine football? Yeah. When I played intramurals at Stony Brook, we'd give each other half a Quaalude after the game. That's kind of a celebratory thing for you. Speaking of that, I'm supposed to do

a Zoom thing tonight. They're celebrating. Talk about age, Colin. Humane's the new coach. They're celebrating the 40th year of our Yankee Conference Championship. 40 years ago, 1982. And they're doing a big Zoom thing. And they sent us all emails and shit.

Oh, God. So that makes me 40 years. Give you an idea, folks. I was a white running back. 4'6 flat. Still faster than Marcus Allen's 4.62.

Anyways, what else did I want? Oh, let's, again, on New York, let's stay with New York City. We're talking to the great Colin Quinn, obviously. You're mayor, and I predicted this. And again, I'm so cynical. You know how I am. I don't believe people, when you talk about these far-left radical DAs and shit,

I don't even believe they're elected. I think they're appointed. Somebody put places in there. But this Mayor Adams, come on. He was supposed to be Joe Law and Order, and you see him at the Met Gala wearing a, I mean, he's a jackass, no? Look, he's better than de Blasio already.

Is he, though? Is he? Yeah, he does some things. Believe me. I think he does things that... He does some things. The Pilates would never even think of doing. As far as law and order. I mean, you can't really...

I mean, yeah, there's been some horrible ones, too. He's done some horrible things, too. But at least he does some things where I'm like, yeah, that's the right direction, you know? Yeah. But, I mean, New York is... It's unrecognizable to be for a long time so I don't even understand

you know I can't even get upset because I'm like it's crazy well how in hell how in the hell did Giuliani even get his what are you drinking there I thought you were clean and sober no it's tea

what is it tea it's the heaviest cup this is all I'm getting this cup hurts my wrist looks like a fucking hot tub with a handle on it i got that exact coffee i soaked my feet in um he loves his tea um yeah i don't uh i don't how did giuliani ever even break break in as mayor and I don't, I don't, how did Giuliani ever even break, break in as mayor? I don't understand.

After having Giuliani and the job he'd done, you and I agree that probably one of the best jobs ever done by a politician because he made a difference. Why don't New Yorkers, this is why I don't believe in elections and shit. How do you look back at what he did and go, we don't want that? Explain that to me. Well, because, no, no, but who was running that said they were going to do that? Nobody. Yeah. Plus, New York is also, like, in the days,

Giuliani was probably the last days of a certain type of, like, there's a blue-collar New York, like, right now, which I keep telling you, the blue-collar New Yorkers that want law and order are immigrants, are the black community, are the, you know, Dominican. Like they're the ones that want law and order. Yes. Because they're the people that pay the price when this kind of stuff happens. So there's also, but there's also a very radical, progressive New York that votes, I guess, or I don't know. But I mean, so I don't think

it's a setup, but you know me, I'm not a big conspiracy guy anyway, but I do believe it's just the power of getting out there, you know what I mean? I mean, you know me, I believe the Fed is the best thing they ever have in our

country, but you know. Doesn't Janet Yellen look like Newt Gingrich in transition? I got to look at a picture. Hold on. You're going to die. It's one of my best. Go ahead. Pull it up.

It's one of my best observations ever. She looks just like Newt Gingrich if he was transitioning. Oh, my God. Am I right? Yeah. White hair. Fucking. They get the same hairstylist.

That's what it is, too. Yeah. Same. Okay. Yeah. So where did I want to go with this? Yeah. Tonight, January.

Tonight, it starts. The big. This is what makes me so cynical about starts. The big, this is what makes me so, you know, cynical about everything. The big January 6th hearings. They hired this guy, Golston, used to be the president of ABC News. He's been retired. So, you know, he's a propagandist to the fucking 10th power. They hired him to put this thing together.

They're going to, you know, they're going to have footage, in-depth interviews, reaction, all kinds of crap, trying to paint this thing as a legitimate uprising, which I thought was the saddest. I was never so depressed when I go back. If those are right-wing people, which it turns out most of them weren't, a few were, but I'm like, really? That's the best they can do? They broke a, I think they knocked over some whiteout and broke a lamp. That's fucking, you know. So that's,

literally, ABC News and the Democrat Party, Colin, are working together to put this on tonight. Isn't that, even in today's standards, isn't that a little shameless, as far as those two being in cahoots? I mean, they don't even... ABC News and the Democratic Party.

Oh, putting that together. Yeah. I mean, obviously, most of the media is left-wing and right. I know, but... Look, we discussed this in private. You know what I said about that January 6th thing. You want to set yourself up and be stupid and walk into it. That's on them.

You could not have handed in a time when people were like, oh my God, look at all these riots. You could not have handed a better gift. And that's what that was. So they're getting what they deserve for being stupid and walking in and rushing the Capitol.

It's symbolic. You can't rush in there. That's symbolic of the whole country. You know what I mean? That was a great gift. See, I say symbolic too. It's how this country, what it was founded on. You couldn't have done anything.

No, you can't rush the capital. You can't rush the center. Oh, come on. Where's your spirit? No, listen. Listen. You can't rush the spirit. You can't say, hang Mike Pence.

You can't. It's against. It's symbolically insane. It's symbolically a malic. And it was the dumbest move. And they're getting what they deserve. The more people keep listening to that kind of stupidity instead of what I tell them, then they're going to get what they deserve.

Okay. Terrific. The left points to the right and Trump, Trump support, whatever, calling them Nazis and whatnot, right? Right. Which practically is giving green light to people who disagree with the Republicans to kill them. Absolutely wrong.

I agree 100%. Right? I mean, if I'm a Nazi, why not kill me, Hitler? Absolutely right. So why wouldn't the people who were there that day legitimately believe that that election was stolen? Why wouldn't they? Why wouldn't they what? Believe that that election was stolen. Why wouldn't they? Why wouldn't they what?

Believe that that election was stolen. Why? But I'm saying protesting outside. But here's the way it is. You want to protest outside, you don't bum rush the Capitol. Forget about the fact that it's symbolically, it's destroyed,

it's like transgresses the whole idea of democracy, but it's the stupidest move in the world. I can't, it's so dumb, but it's also, you can't do that. Hey, let's just have every election will be like anarchy and people just rush the Capitol building and just attack senators or intimidate them in that way. It's the same thing that happened in Brett Kavanaugh yesterday. Hold on.

That's a Brett Kavanaugh, that's the same thing that happened to Brett Kavanaugh yesterday. That's a Brett Kavanaugh that's the same thing, only in a bigger version. People bum-rushed it because it's not like every other election. There was, and I'll say it to them. It doesn't matter, you still can't if you want to break the system

so let them steal you want to break the system, then break it. But there's going to be repercussions. That's all I'm saying. Okay, fuck it. Let it be. You're going to sit there. Let them steal the election.

And it was stolen. You can't fucking convince me otherwise. I have fucking 400, just on the internet alone, 500 clips. Well, have you seen Dinesh D'Souza's 2,000 Mules? No. Watch that and tell me it wasn't stolen. Anyways, I say I would have been down there. I couldn't go.

I had karate. I knew you would have been down there like Rambo. But you do know a lot of those guys, and this is good. Don't watch us tonight for this. Watch Tucker Carlson did a whole, and again, I know you go, well, that's fine. It doesn't matter. There's only fucking one really honest guy to me doing anywhere. But there were so many FBI guys involved, so many co-indicted conspirators who did the same thing, and some didn't get charged. There's one guy waving.

He's got a Trump hat on. He goes, we inside the cap frank epps was his name nobody knows where he is it turns out he was a left-wing guy that they so i understand your point they opened the doors literally and they went in you couldn't you could not hand them more gifts with that thing and that's exactly what happened and to not see that to not anyone see that is stupid what's the alternative to just let them steal the election and not even look back i don't i don't even i don't even argue because some people don't believe you but like you said you believe it's better off no compromise and i understand that. A lot of people don't believe compromise is an answer. So I get it.

Hold on. Let me qualify. I don't believe in compromise when one side is living and you've said this, living on a different planet. It's a different planet. But I feel like both sides

are right now living on a different planet. I don't. How can you compare? I feel like since Trump, you're not going to like it. He crossed the Rubicon because I feel like he's legally insane. See, even him. I can't. We've got to get him out of New York.

You've got to play more in Ohio than Chicago. Look, I understand. I feel like I'm living in an insane asylum. That's what I feel like. And I feel like, like everybody feels about themselves. We all feel like we're the only sane one, but that's how I feel. I feel like it's two cults and that's just how I feel. I can't help it. That's how I feel. I can't help it. We're talking to the great Noam Chomsky. Well, I'm going to help you. And I don't like your glasses.

They remind me of Janine Garofalo. Look at that mug. I'm going to wear them up here so I look like I have a better hairline. When you take a sip out of that mug, we can't even see your head. I'm telling you, it's really strengthening this wrist with other things. Can I just say one more question on this, and then we'll move on to others. Okay. Do you really, you really think the fucking right is as far off the reservation as the left is? Yes, at the current moment, I do.

How so? Well, I just feel like... We're getting steamrolled. the moment I do how so well I just feel like we're getting steamroll people like you know you probably like these people like Marjorie Taylor Greene or these kind of people yeah I feel like they're just randomly like well let's talk about gun control for example here's what I feel like instead of every so every important subject like gun control for an example should be open for going hey let's discuss this you can't just go no we're not you can and both sides do where they go no it's not being discussed this is how we feel and everybody digs in and that's fine but in my opinion when the country

blows up everybody's going to have to be as long as people are fine with war, which, like you said, you don't say to hell with it, but I'm just saying that that's what it leads to, and that's where it leads right now, in my opinion. So I don't really feel like that's, I feel like as long as people are comfortable with the results and the consequences, then fine, everybody should do what they want. But, you know, I just don't think it's, it's productive, but you know. That's true. Yeah. That one's, but I don't,

I'm not for this. Hey, we have to do something for the sake of doing something, which seems like a lot of that. No, no. I'm just saying that even closing the discussion is crazy to me. I mean, it's that crazy. People want to think that way, but it's not productive. You know what I mean? Those kids weren't that important. Listen. But that's what I'm saying.

I'm saying like, you know, yeah, but I'm just saying like nobody will discuss any of this stuff, you know? It's like you can't just shutting everything down on both sides is what I feel happens I'm what they call a both sides

are the worst thing it can be in society I think both sides are legally insane talking to Colin Quay you really but you are I look I've known you for a long time a lot of people love to say that you know I'm independent but you do walk the walk when it comes to that shit it really makes me sick I can't help it I always see this People love to say that. You know, I'm independent. But you do walk the walk when it comes to that shit.

It really makes me sick. I can't help it. I always see this. I'm like everybody else. I think I should be in charge. It makes me sick, that type of bipartisanship. I see one side, right? You said this to me, and again, I'll move off this. But you said this a long time ago to me and it was one of the most uh profound things you said like back in the 50s you said the right was really kind of

behind the squares behind the times as far as as you know social uh you know uh they were and you were right they were kind of the dumb party and i feel it's a thousand percent the other way right now that's why i don't and to compromise with people who have lost their fucking minds, get you, what it does is get you half crazy instead of getting the, you meet in the middle, but there's still some crazy in there. That's how I see it.

Yeah. But I mean, I don't, I just feel like right now, I feel like most people I talk to are just kind of very rigid. And I don't feel like there's, I feel like there's enough blame on with everybody, all of us that,

that, that we should be able to find something people. I'm not saying it could never get solved. It could lead to war anyway, by the way, but I'm just saying, I like everybody to go, okay,

here's where we've gone mad and where we've gotten to the point where we won't say anything wrong about. So people just walk – it's what I always say, like speaking of the Celtics, it's like once you're on a team, you can't be in the huddle in the next game and be Marcus Smart and go, you know what, Tatum was on the line. That call, we should give them the ball because his foot was out of bounds. We had a bad call. You have to go along with your team.

That's just human nature. But I'm saying that's what I feel like happens now. It's teams. And when you're on a team, you think to yourself, they get a lot of shitty calls too, so why would I give them one for me? And that's just where it's at. That's just human it's at that's dishumanating when somebody first explained to me when i didn't know anything about politics

and and somebody explained to me i mean this is i was a neophyte that that that there's two parties who don't believe in the same thing i go but they work for the same team i go how is that honestly god i knew nothing about politics i go that's going to end up in a fight eventually. That was my eighth grade take on it. And fucking sure enough, that's where it's headed. And like you say, humans are flawed species anyway. I mean, whatever. Eighth grade, it's funny you say that because eighth grade for me was probably 1972 or 73. And it was when my school work first started to fall apart

and I think it had a lot to do with the fact that girls started wearing spaghetti straps and so I'd be ogling them when I'm supposed to be working on my school work I'll tell you Colin knew some girls with some big you know what's you were in Salt Lake City new, some girls with some big you-know-whats.

Let's just, you were in Salt Lake City recently doing comedy at a place called Wise Guys, which I did about a year and a half ago, and I wanted to ask you how that went and if you used my magic underwear line to break the ice on those people. Well,

salt lake city has the best German deli called line to break the ice on those people. Well, Salt Lake City has the best German deli called Vosen's. It's a bakery deli. It's the best place I've ever been in my life. I went there. I liked the food, but I didn't care for the decor. They had a stack of baby shoes and some

false teeth on the counter. I thought that was in bad taste. But anyways, go ahead. It's the counter. I thought that was in bad taste. But anyways, go ahead. It's the best. And I'm sure they'll appreciate that promo. I get a lot of... Look, I think, you know who,

I think Mitt Romney's cousins watch you, Shire. But yeah, it's great. You know how it is. When you do comedy anywhere, it's interesting to see if stuff works in all places because it does speak to what we're talking about and so you

feel like reassured when you want to talk about these heavy subjects about you know human nature and what is the nature of government or what is the nature of compromise or what is the nature of leadership, you go to a place like that, but you have to make them laugh. Nobody wants to hear philosophical ramblings without laughs if you're a comedian. So when I make them laugh, I feel great.

What are you talking about? Apparently you haven't heard of this woman, Janine Garofalo. This one, she wows at me. That's exactly what you're talking about. Colin, listen, let me just, for you folks, I know you all know Quinn because you're my fans and whatever, but all of us, me included,

look up to this guy. Year after year, he puts out an hour and this is what I was talking about. He's sort of a sociologist slash psychologist. It's not what the rest of us are doing. He's analyzing. He'll do some political stuff, but he

digs deeper than that. He goes into the psychology of the people behind it back in 1917, whatever the hell. And it has to be... It has to be... Luckily, you're at a stage where you don't have some local guy go up before you. But comedy, like he just said,

they don't want to hear you waxing philosophical when they have four drinks in them. But somehow, he does it so well. Well, the people that come out now come out because they know they're going to get smart comedy. I'm not trying to kiss your ass.

Half of them do. Half of them do. And the other half... Yeah, Tim Gage's fans that's his opener they take a train all over the country to see Tim that's what the rest of us look at Conley and he goes he puts out a new album and he goes he's getting better

you know that takes a lot of work are you still going to the cellar and working the shit out? What do you do? Yeah, I go to the cellar all the time because that,

like you, as we both know, if you're not doing it, you know what I mean? You're probably the only guy, I mention this all the time, it means, I go,

the only person that I've seen that can actually write on stage on their feet and come out with great jokes is Nick DiPaolo because nobody else could do that. You know what I mean?

Well, trust me. I've been trying to do that since I got to Savannah with mixed results. You actually can. Other people try, they can't. So, I mean, you know, that's a sign of genius. No, it's a sign of a guy that can't get disciplined and sit down and actually fucking.

I'm so. I can't enjoy anything. I'm teaching myself. I've never had a hobby. I'm teaching myself guitar, electric guitar, and I absolutely love it. But maybe this is my Catholic upbringing. While I'm doing it, I'm going, I could have a new two hours or whatever. As I'm playing, I'm not even enjoying the guitar that I fucking love.

I know we're plagued by it. You don't. You sit down and do it. You gotta get a hobby like it because I keep my hobby. I incorporate the exercise for cardio. Yeah.

I do. I've taught myself Irish step dancing in the past year. And the neighbors complain, but once they saw my outfit, they're like, nope, we're in too.

We have to see this. He can't do it. He's in a wheelchair right now. You don't know that. He's like Governor Abbott from Texas. I didn't know that motherfucker was in a wheelchair. Did you? I didn't know until one of the cartel was dragging him behind a Jeep down on the border.

Anyways, so what is this? What's the thread of your latest hour? It's sort of what you were alluding to. Well, it's about how, well, it's about a few things, but one of them is how societies form. You know, like, because I was in Salt Lake City, so I started thinking about Brigham Young. So I've actually changed my whole hour since last week. The theme,

which is society's form. So you got Brigham Young, right? So you got Brigham Young. His whole thing was what? He's going to take these people and bring this Mormon thing. They killed their head guy, Joseph Smith. So he's going to bring them to Utah. So he's got to figure out how to break

everybody down on the track. So he's got to figure out how to break everybody down on the track. So the quiet people, the guys that are just walking by themselves are going to be the farmers. And then when they show up, and then the guys that will play and grab ass and pushing each other are going to be the construction people, build all the

barns and the houses. The guys that are kind of loud and raucous. And then the people that are kind of loud and raucous. And then the people that are just like going along but worried it'll be like the bureaucracy. They're like, ah. When he asks them, how's it going? They're like, it's going. And then I do the

engineers and then I do the whole thing about how you break the wife thing. I guarantee he didn't tell his wife or anybody else about the 50 wives until they got close. Until they were like too late to turn back. And then his wife's like, I knew it. I knew you were up to something.

And then he probably said, how would you know it when I just had the vision last night? Even I didn't know this was part of it. So it's like I go through a whole thing with that. That's what his stand-up involved. That type of. I'm sitting home last night, go to my wife. What's funnier, the word cum or goo gobbler? Not that I'm all dirty, but...

No, you're underselling yourself. I curse too much. You actually shouldn't be saying that because you are known as one of the most respected comics ever. Everybody knows you're brilliant. And I don't want people to go see you and think like, hey, I'm going to make Fazz Guy. I'm part of his act. Listen to the master when he

speaks. Yeah, I have. I got much better at that calling. Calling used to... I'm almost a little embarrassed the last few years the way I went down at the cellar because I would. They wouldn't laugh and I'd go, you fucking liberal faggots. I remember coming off the stage, Goldman goes, is that how it works?

They don't laugh when they're liberal faggots? And I went, yeah, that is. No, I didn't object to that. I objected to that you would open, that was your opener. It was. He would go on stage and go, I don't know why I came, I drove all the way down here for you liberal NYU lesbian flat-ass fucking asshole.

I would. I would say. That was his opener. I know. I would say I was in a good mood when I left my house in Westchester. I go, as soon as I get to the village, I see a 40-year-old guy on a skateboard with a fucking Hello Kitty book bag, and I want to fucking kill somebody. And that was my opening, and they were all like, why? What's the matter with that old man?

I'll tell you. One time, we were driving back, me and Nick driving back. So we're driving back to, he's dropping me off. I lived in Midtown. He lives in Westchester. And we're driving back and yeah so we get to uh by radio city and the cops pull him over he's got it's a he ran a red light yeah and i what you don't remember is early in that trip you were like i gotta be careful red

light i go they never give tickets you forgot i said that maybe you remember and then so I was hoping you remember so just as he pulls up a Radio City show lets out and this is like 1999 thousands of people pulling out of this concert and they're all in front of his car but it's a fish concert right and Nick was sitting there waiting for the ticket the guy's right in the back. Nick's fuming, but he can't do anything. And his kid's going, hey, man. And he goes, what is this? I go, it's fish. I'll kill him. I'll kill him. It was always like hippie. It was so funny.

You're forgetting the best part, though. Quinn goes to me, you don't remember this? This is where I thought you were going with this. While we're sitting there, wave of the cop calls. Don't worry about it. I know a lot of the cops. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Guy sticks his head.

There you go, you dumb guinea. Fucking walks away. I look at Colin. What the fuck was that? Yeah. Yeah, the guy looked in. He didn't even know who the hell I was. I might as well have been with Gage.

It was unbelievable. Hey, look, Colin. Hey, Hoop. Hey, Hoop. Ha. Oh, boy. Celebrating my third Wednesday. My big Chinese fella pulled me over.

You're a really good native, huh? God, look at that. Nobody down here even, honest to God, nobody's even blinked. I go to the same bar all the time. They're like, hey, where'd you get those other 31, you cheater? I'm sitting here like this waiting for somebody to notice. Nobody says shit. Well, I only got a couple more minutes.

We're breaking this up so, you know, I can put it on a few other shows. Last guest we had was, who was it that we had? Earl Weaver's daughter. She was 76. That would be interesting. Before we go, I wanted to hit on what else. Why are you such a big Billy Crystal fan? I don't get his comedy.

Colin had a birthday yesterday, by the way, right? Two days ago. You're three years older than me, right? I'm 63. Yeah, that's correct. That ain't that bad. Yeah, so

why do you hate... So I sent him pictures of... There's three movies that send him through the fucking roof. Literally, I can feel him getting upset from Manhattan. And if I see one, I'll take a pic. Mrs. Doubtfire sets him fucking... makes him mentally ill.

When Harry Met Sally might be number one enemy on the list, right? Yeah. And Steve Martin's Cheaper by the Dozen. Cheaper by the Dozen. He fucking, you should hear his, we got to have you do a critique. Cheaper by the Dozen 2 was better. It was like The Godfather 2. It's a little bit...

But meanwhile, Nick doesn't even realize these movies. If he watched them, if he had to watch them more than once, he watched them in a daze maybe, but if he had to watch them, he would go back. One of my dreams in life

is to have him strapped down to one of those Barker lounges and make him watch like probably my life in ruins, which is a near-var Dallas movie. Oh God. There's like six of them that are just, they're just, they just go for the corny thing right away.

The big, but yeah, I would say Harry Met Sally bothers me because everybody loves it. People to this day go, that's one of the greatest movies ever. I know. And that's what drives me crazy is it's just. I know. Everybody likes it.

And it drives me nuts. Me and Andy were on vacation in St. Martin. You know, we're staying in a rented house. And you find like, this is back in the 90s, VHS tapes. And you're kind of happy. There's nothing to do on the island you know it's like fucking midnight we pop in my big fat Greek wedding

it ruined the last four days of my vacation it was so bad I was tossing and turning on the beach going that couldn't Tom Hanks couldn't have anything to do with it fucking worse that's it before I go Norm

Norm McDonald I know it but I physically miss him like I I miss him like I miss Trump's you know what when he does his rallies it was like a comedy special

every couple months but Norm huh I mean you fucking you spent a lot of time with Norm. Yeah, I did a thing, a speech, like a little eulogy at this big memorial forum.

And one of the things I told was, which you know, Norm, every time, and like one time we went into an elevator and we did some casino gigs together, you know. And then we went to an elevator like three years ago.

It was 10 in the morning. And it was all these soccer moms and us in the elevator. And he goes, hey, ladies, you here? Do a little gambling. They go, yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, I can mention. He goes, yeah. They were like laughing, you know?

Out in the back of the elevator, he goes, yeah, that's where you're supposed to come here for. I like to gamble. They're like, yeah. They didn't know him or anything. And he goes, yeah, some guys like that guy come here for I like to gamble yeah yeah they didn't know him or anything and he goes yeah some guys like that guy's here for the prostitutes

and just points to me you know turn around like this oh and I just stand there what can you say just setting you up beautifully miss him I fucking I'm so sad yeah and then Colin sends me right after he passed away Colin sends me this miss him I fucking I'm so sad yeah

and then Colin sends me right after you pass away Colin sends me this pulls it off at Twitter some guy goes tough month for comedians we lost two legends Norm Macdonald Bob Saget that says it all Quinny thank you so much

always there when I need you of course I'm coming up to New York the grand premiere of Louie's movie when? at the end of the month so I hope you still have that Murphy bed in your kitchen

yeah definitely I should be around you probably won't be you'll be working on your one man show in your kitchen. Yeah. Definitely. I should be around. You probably won't be. You'll be working on your one-man show. But, yeah, I'll hit you up. And, yeah, that's it. All right.

Thank you so much, Colin, as usual. Love you, man. Love you, too. We'll talk to you. See you later. All right, buddy. Thank you. The great Colin Quinn, everybody. guitar solo.