The Nick DiPaolo Show - Replay: Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen - Pasta e Fagioli | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1893R

Episode Date: May 12, 2026

In today's episode we replay Nick's Bitchin' Kitchen as he makes Pasta e Fagioli! The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow GET TOUR DATES & TICKETS - https://www.nickdip.com/tour NOVEMBER 5TH - The Punchline: ATLANTA, GA NOVEMBER 6TH - Rivers Casino: PHILADELPHIA, PA NOVEMBER 7TH - Soul Joel's: POTTSTOWN, PA MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. Another episode of Bitch and Kitchen. Haven't done one in a while. And I heard you guys crying out online going, Feed me, bitch. Today, pasta fagioli. Faggoli is being in Italian. Somehow Fagioly turned into pasta fazul.

F-A-Z-O-O-L. It got American-slash- Italianized. But my father, I used to say, pasta fazul, but fajoli is, you know, fag with the eoli on it. Italian fag. And that's what, and this is in my top five favorite. I haven't made it in a while. As far as a mount, let me show you what the ingredients are, right?

I got a, I got a pound. And as far as amounts go, I sort of almost doubled what was in the original recipe. This guy, this couple used to go, my parents met him on a trip to Italy and they were from Connecticut. So they sort of stayed in touch. Sky gave my mother this recipe, which she gave it to me. It's in my top five, if not top three.

But hot Italian sausage, bulk, or you can buy the sausage itself and split the casing, if you, whatever, if you can't find this. I use a whole pound of it. Diced tomatoes. Calls for like 28 ounces of diced tomatoes, which I have

here. Chicken stock, I don't know. I saw to eye this stuff. It's like four to five cups maybe. And this is the ideal pasta, but you can use any small pasta. This is dittalini. Or as the WAP say, dittaline. It's tiny little Russian oil pipeline gaskets. I have a cup of tomato sauce, regular tomato sauce. Again, I sort of play with it. I might use this. I might not. And as far as the beans go. 99% of the recipe say cannellini beans or Northern Navy, you know, the white ones are coming in a can. I like these.

These are called butter beans. They look like father beans, which is what my grandmother used to use out of our garden. And, of course, you'd make the pasta by hand in shit. But these, it's like a kidney. It's got some weight to it. It's delicious. Onion, of course, as always, start with onion and mince garlic. cause if you get nervous in front of the camera

let's go um that's it those are the ingredients fuck it I get stuff to do so Crowder and Gutfeld send me like an extra assignment so

um get this hot cut your olive oil here start you start with this obviously most of these recipes start to same. You cook the fat or the meat, whatever it is, and you cook the... Oh, another thing. In Italy, it's more of a soup consistency to it. Depends what part of Italy. Again, every region has it different. Americanized it got a little thicker, almost like pasta with beans with the sauce,

but you don't want it that thick. So what you do is I'm going to puree these in chicken stock. That gives it some body instead of just brothy. But you can do it either way. God, do I sound gay. Anyways. Yeah. Brothy. Brothy.

It's like breathy. Only brothy. Okay. Where's my sticks? I gave the wipe this on the ass last night. She wasn't bad. She just asked for it. What?

You heard me. All right Look what I found under the We put this in the rats thing upstairs 80 dollar Gorgonzola gets them every time They're Italian rats apparently Expensive rats

That's right They have good taste up there Let's see Just a quick hit of that Because the uh obviously the sausage Has enough fat in it But just to get it going You guys not

I washed my hands Are impeccably clean Then I took a runny dump You know kids back in the fuck dip. I think Gianna just threw up in her mouth. That's Dallas's wife back there who's about to have a baby sewn. She looks like the women you see on a jar of tomato sauce right from middle.

You know what I'm saying? That's a compliment, by the way. They're always holding tomatoes. So, yeah, over medium-high heat, you're going to brown this here. Stuff. probably take you eight to ten minutes I would think I usually do it in batches

but I don't have time today I got a lot of shit to do after this and again some recipes call for a half a pound I kind of like I said I went heavy on all the recipes to make more the wife will have something

to survive on when I'm in Dallas other than her boyfriend's donuts you know what I'm saying what? Terrell Suggs that's right he called yesterday so Mr. Suggs What up? Yeah, I'm leaving. Relax. Did you know my wife was seeing Terrell Suggs for the last decade?

My favorite joke, I don't know why. There was a black dude that would scare the shit out of anybody to Terrell Sugg. All right, probably eight to ten minutes, and then we'll come back and throw the onions in there. All right, you guys take a break at home. All right, this took about five to seven minutes to brown this. Just do it until all the pink's gone. That's all. Unless you hate the people you have an overlaid paint.

Doing the shits for the next two months. Why are you going to go there all the time? I don't know. Fuck off. Then you're going to take this out. Put it aside, right? Your brown, sausage. Make it brown, not gray.

Important part. Can you get in there? We're getting a porn one. Folks, how are you? Welcome to the... All right. Put that off to the side. Next step.

Well, let me cut the onions. I didn't show up on my head of time. It makes it look like a cooking show. Even though they have 19 kids doing this at the Culinary Institute. They're opening one here. Andy was reading about it yesterday. They've been working on for two years for like where college kids are going to be cooking. Yeah, like a culinary place.

And you can, there's like 75 seats you can go in and watch through the glass. And they eat their shit. Yeah. Yeah. Some of it. And they, yeah. That's very Savannah. I thought they would already have had something.

Very fine chop. A lot of these really authentic recipes use, in Italy, they use carrot and celery and all that shit. I don't find it necessary, especially when I'm in a hurry. I don't know. You want about a cup, cup and a half? Again, it's not that important. as you know my thumb

I love that's Dallas's rim shot it's a penguin that's a penguin from Superman that's an Alabama rim shot we call it my peepie that looks about right right now you know

I love onion onion is the base for everything that's good I put it in my fentanyl you know kids oops I didn't turn the stove on did I get this hot again

This will pick up all the brown shit on the bottom of the pan too. They call that fawn in France. I don't know why. Probably because they're gay. You know what? I want a little more. Just a tad. I eat.

See it picking up all the brown shit? If you want it to, you can throw a little tomato paste in there. Again, this is a very loose recipe. Hit it with a little oliveer. I want to sweat that out, so hit it with some salt. Draws the water out of it. How do you know this, Nick? Well, I was a comedian.

I had no career when I was in L.A. And I watched the Food Network in 19,000. While preparing for one line on Suddenly Susan. I knocked the shit out of that line. Even Brooke comes up and he goes, have you done this much? The line was, you know, we were moving. We were movers. In some reason, we were moving stuff in her house,

bring it in furniture. And as we're leaving, I'm the last one out the door. We got those jumper suits on, you know. I go, she's standing and she's saying by to as we're fighting. I go, you're out of salami. It's my big line. But you killed it. Oh, man.

I got letters. They were talking Emmy for a while. I go, hey, really? I go, you don't have to. I do this shit all the time. Oh, mama. Anytime people say, it smells good, this is what you're smelling. You know it.

know it. All right. Garlic of course. Just called for four I went with six. A little tip about garlic. It only stinks on your breath, you know, if you eat it raw. People don't, a lot of people don't know that. You never know that. And he'd fight it like an apple? Yeah. A lot of Italians do that. I know what you're talking about. I don't even know what comes next.

I don't even know what comes next, folks. That's what I'm telling you. Don't get nervous. I forgot the first step. Well, we can do it. You puree the beans first. Then they'd already be ready at this point. But I was so nervous because, like I said, we have some people from the weather channel here to see us.

I don't know why. You're right. It's a little fucking hot, Nick. Don't ever burn the garlic. You're going to have to start over. Because it makes a bit of taste in your dish. Meat back in. I guess.

I haven't done this in a long time. And again, you guys can start with onion, carrot, and celery like the... A lot of people do, but... All right? Put that on low. Let's do this, which I was supposed to open with, actually. I used... I used...

Shit. Four cans. You know, they're like 14 ounces each of... I'm using... butter bean but like I said canolone a canoloni canolini beans a lot of people use so you put that in there I don't know cup or two doesn't really matter it looks like two cups probably this is what why you so I have a total of four cans in like 14 ounces each of butter beans I put two cans in here.

I put in maybe a cup and a half, two cups of chicken stock. I'm going to puree this. Nice. That gives the soup a little body, you know what I mean? And bean flavor throughout the thing. I don't know how people don't always use that. Let's go back to the meat and onion mixture. Calls for two cans of like chopped or diced tomatoes.

2.14 ounce cans. This is 1.28 ounce can. You do the math. You see in here? They know what I look like. Yeah, but your face is just so pretty. Yeah, it's something else. It's fucking 63-year-old boot. There's that.

See, that's not like, you could put more diced tomatoes in. I'm going to give it. It's like a, I'd say a cup of tomato sauce. You know, like marinerara, whatever. gives it a little more. See? More saucy now? Hell yeah. By the way, my Bruins, I know you guys are sick.

They blew up the team last night, which they had to. Brad Marsh and his future Hall of Famer. It's been one of the Bruins for 16, 17 years. When I say blow up, they traded him. And like six other guys. And they had to. The Bruins sucked this year. And it was very pleasing. I don't know what we're getting.

We got a couple new guys. I know it's probably boring you, but you got to like hockey. my show. That and you know what, WMBA, you can't get enough of that. Love watching zombie women play foot under the fucking rim. Stupid.

Fuck stains. Yeah. They walk so much, they raise $1,000 for AIDS every time they get Oh, that stays in. That was beautiful. Look at that. Something tells me salt right now.

Did you taste it? No, I don't have to. Here's your taste. My wife, we buy kosher. Morton's kosher salt. What do you need, kid? Oh, good. Yeah, get in here. Now, let's get over.

Buddy did that to me. Put Emerson. We didn't get along. He's a good friend of mine. We didn't get along in junior high school. There was tension all week between us. I sit down at the cafeteria table. He's across from me like that.

We start fucking arguing. I don't even see him do this. He goes like this. He puts this thing on his spaghetti. and he goes, whack, hits me right in the face. And I got up, and there we go. In the cafeteria, I remember ripping his shirt, ripping his shirt,

and this is why I love guys. The principal, the teachers broke it up, and they're making us walk out, and we're both laughing. We weren't even, like, mad at each other after it happened. I go, how do you think of that? Nathan Emerson, he's a legend. Right after high school,

he fucking was an unbelievable skier. He moved to, like, Jackson Hole. He went to college there. Jackson Hole, you know, and yeah. Becomes a ski instructor. And he's banging every wife. And sending us pictures and bartending at night. And we go, yeah, he'll be done with that in a few years.

He's fucking 82. Yeah. And then he finally, after like 20-something years, we used to have parties. His parents would throw a party for us in high school once a year. And it was the day, remember 1980 when they fucking Americans beat the Russians? Of course you do. In hockey, in Olympics.

That was the party. They had kegs there, the parents. They would be arrested today. Half the high school's there. They come upstairs. I'm out like a light, right, in the morning. And they were taking a picture downstairs, everybody. They dragged me down in my underwear and a t-shirt, down the stairs.

I'm like smack of my head and shit. Out onto the, out onto the fucking wooden deck. Everybody's all lined up. And it's like this. One of my favorite days of my life. His parents was so goddamn cool, kind of like hippie. But, and they owned a place called Put in a pantry, an ice cream place. It was fucking New England famous.

It was a buffet. You make your own Sundays. And you couldn't even get in there. We'd get drunk on a Friday night. He'd bust into the place. We'd make our own Sundays. You know, fucking it's cool. Then we'd go, how come we're fat?

So you let that simmer, I don't know, 10, 15 minutes, whatever. Then you take this, this camel semen. Delicious. If you say so. Didn't you eat like all your meat pasta in time? Yeah, rasta pasta. That's the same guy. That's the same guy.

Can you get a shot of this? I'll put it all in. See, the consistent. consistency now. See what I mean? It's like a thick soup. That's perfect, actually. Hey, folks, if you want to support the show, go to nickdip.com.

We have a merchandise page to support the show. Buy something there nice. We got hats, hoodies, t-shirts, mugs, jogging brars. I said bras. Welcome to Boston. How are you? Pretty good. Can I get a vodka and tonic? Fuck the face.

Hoodies, hats. I hate selling shit. Also, I want to send a personalized video to someone so I can say what you're thinking. I'll say it for you. You don't have to say it. I'll put my nuts on the camera and just zing zong zinger. Go to shoutout.us. And then this is like one of my favorites. Honestly, God.

I hope I'm doing it justice. I used to follow his, the original, but he was a little light with stuff. I'd get finished and it was enough of a three-year-old girl. I'm like, what the fuck's this guy? Sick Italian? So yeah, I don't know. You heat this through. We'll cook it for 10, 15 minutes.

Let me just, uh, also. You can use fresh herbs if you want. Who the fuck's got time? Dry Italian herbs. They're more pungent, actually, so you're supposed to go late with them, but I don't. Let's get everything that's oregano basil.

The other shit. Always pinch these dry ones, too. At least that's with bataill. used to say, it releases the essential oils. I said, you're an essential oil. Let's fuck out of here. I want more. That's a lot of soup. You know, test it for salt. No, it's not. This is enough of fucking eight people, though. Trust me. Let me get a little more. Perfect timing. So you got that? Well, that's cooking. And this is really important. I fucked this up like the second time I made it. I thought the guy was full of shit. I'm like, that's not going to happen.

Ditalini? Right? You're going to cook this like you do pasta, right? I would, I don't know. I'd say two cups. I think that's what he said. Some people only use six ounces or whatever. But here's the

thing. You cook this on the side. You don't put it in here because it'll suck up all the liquid. I did it once. I'm like, yeah, he's full of shit. Of course, I don't know why I did that. The first time I made it was perfect, right? So I do it the second time. Next day I go to open the Tupperware. There's not an ounce of liquid. It just, it's like a sponge. So what you do is right before you serve it to somebody. You know what I mean? You put it in their bowl. It's important. Trust me. I've been trying to open this since we left. Some type of retarded problem. fucking idiot

Hey it's not me it's how they make the boxes Look at this What's there Plotonium in here What the fuck Here's your deadalini

Okay I'm measuring cup around it somewhere Here we go I look at how much soap you got And try to You don't want to overpower it With a ton of positive either Right

I hate this box What woman hasn't heard there Listen Hold on a second fucking wha I'm going to go with it's around two cups God I hope that's enough

Here's an important thing That I just learned Italians laugh at Americans Somebody asked in an interview What's the one thing Americans do wrong When they make an Italian They go and they make pasta They don't salt the water enough

Because people go like this So you know I heard that This is a small This isn't a big part, but I did this three times already, so I probably roamed it. But I learned something. But they're right. I tasted my pasta after I go, holy shit, it does make a difference.

You know, I just hope this pan might be too small for two cups. Yeah, we'll see. So you cook that, like it says on the directions, you know, whatever. Or a minute or two shorter, depending on how you like it. El Dente, as they say. It's not El Dante. It's not a fucking poet from five. A.D. That's what people always say. I'll have it Al Dante. Really? Let me come out and do a...

Yeah. So, where's my stick? Fucking A. Welcome to Dementia's Kitchen. I'm Louis Dementia. Italian guy. Antonio Dementia. Now, what do you want to do? Is that? Oh, shit, I forgot. I forgot. Oh, shit. Anybody's seeing my pants? Okay. Um, yeah, you know, I guess, so we're going to cook this, right? Like I said, the important part is keep it off to the side in a topware container or whatever. And when you serve the soup, you put it in, you know, otherwise, it's fucking, it's crazy. It's like, uh, it's like, uh, somebody come up with some.

You guys, nothing? It's like a leech. Excuse me. Are we back? Um. Did you have the little stars? Yes, my father would slap me. We would see stars over and over again with little, with the, yeah, I know what you mean, the pasta

shaped like star. We had every, my brother, listen, I grew up next to my grandmother, who's from a Brutzo Italy, which is known for its food in a country that's known for its cooking worldwide. She was just right off the boat. She could take a five-day-old steak. It would taste like something you'd pay $40 in a restaurant. She would make her pasta by hand. She would shred zucchini.

She would shred zucchini and dry it on the roof of her house. Lay it out. And it's almost like spaghetti. You twirl on your foot. I mean, insane shit. We would have rabbit over polenta. This is stuff you'd pay up the nose for in New York. We just thought it was Wednesday, you know.

But my brother, Greg, was such a pasta. He's got so disc, I think, addicted to my grandmother's cook. When we weren't having spaghetti, And we wouldn't have it. He forced my mother to buy SpaghettiOs, and he would eat him out of the can. Sometimes not even fucking cooked. He just love SpaghettiOs. I mean, and my grandmother's food, but my grandmother saw that.

She probably flipped over in a grave. Stupid a metagin. Yeah, what's saying? Ubats. Yeah. Crazy, right? But we're eating rabbit over polenta, pork, shoulders. her roast potatoes.

We would request them as kids. Kids don't know our roast potatoes. We would request them. There was so cooked in whatever kind of fat. She wouldn't even tell my mother half the fucking shit. She'd do this though. We'd be sitting around at night at a dinner table. A phone with ring.

Remember, she lives right next door. A phone would read, my mother pick it up, and this is all she'd hear on the other line. Joe? My mother's name was Jo Ann. My grandmother called her Joe. Joe, get up here. Ma, we're eating, I say, get up here. She'd hang up the floor.

And my mother would go up there thinking it's an emergency. She wanted to pay something. It was almost like passive, aggressive, Italian control thing. Like Olivia Soprano shit. I say, get up here. My mother's like, oh, for Christ's sake. But could she cook? Holy shit.

And the tomatoes. My grandfather's tomatoes. He had four or five on a tomato plants and people would come from all over. One guy used to drive almost two hours to get my grandfather's tomatoes. He would use them. He would use them as money. We used to take a bowling. He loved can open bowling.

He would bring a bag. They would request his tomatoes and let him bowl for free. Plus he was 89. He had no, I told Dallas this. He had this finger and this finger. He cut his fingers off on a table saw at work when he was younger. And he would bowl with these two. Annie had a leg, a fucked up leg.

He was building a place called the United Shoe in Beverly, Massachusetts, a big shoe factory. He was building it. He was on staging 30 feet high that broke. When you fall from 30 feet, they say 50, 50, whether you live it on. He busted himself up so bad, and they said he was going to be in the hospital. They said maybe seven, eight months. Of course, after three, four months, he'd be fucking, but he was permanently crippled. So he's missing these fingers, and we'd take him bowling.

And when he'd throw a gutter ball, he'd swear in Italian for like 10 minutes. And me and my brother would be laughing, go, he's got one leg, fucking two fingers. Rocky de Paulo. What a piece of work. My God. I said, fuck you to him when I was like seven. He was yelling. Oh, Jesus.

I forget what. He just, he goes, no, no, no, no. And then he rumbled some shit in Italian for like 10 minutes. And he had a scare. that he used to weigh his tomatoes on, right? And it was on the beautiful grapevine with a picnic table under it. It's still there. My sister took over the house.

From Italy, by the way. But he used to say, if we went near that scale, he'd go fucking crazy. He thought us kids were going to break it. So we used to torture him. We'd be going like this. Hey, grab me! Fucking pushing it. It didn't. It wouldn't run down to our yard. Oh, poor bastard.

No, what a name though, Rocky? Rocky. Rocco de Paolo. I should get to show you a picture of him. Let's see if this is. Huh? How many? It's like you? Well, I have the barrel chest and the wide shoulders, what they got from him. He's like this. And the monkey arms. Here, slick back. 23 years younger than my grandmother.

I mean, older, excuse me, older. 23 years old in my grandma. And it was his second wife. his second wife. He came over here. His first wife died. Goes back to Italy. I used to have a joke about this. His friend told him about a woman back in Italy. Goes back to fucking Italy. And I used to have a joke on stage. I go, he went back.

This is before you got on a plane and shit. This is another boat ride. What a fuck. That's right? I go, I broke up with a girl in high school because the traffic was too much going over. She lived across the fucking town. How's that for a story? Oh, he was crazy He made his own wine The grandmother comes down to her house She's crying

She's got marks on her neck My father goes What did he do? He drink of the wine And he wanted me to dance Wanted my grandmother to dance As soon he's 89 years old I never forget it

My father goes back up there Power he was fucking drunk Imagine 89 drunk Oh, that fucking a woman My father's yelling at him And shit Can you imagine what he was like When he was a young

Fucking maniac? We make fun of black people. Try to make fun of Italian people. Let me see. I can tell you that's hot. Actually, that's how I like it, because it's going to keep cooking, as you guys know. It's, as you say, El Dante. El Bente.

So, all right. I know I already have one of these. There it is. What am I going to put this in? I don't know. Put it in Tupper because that's what I'm going to keep it. Plus there's not normally. I just came up with an example for how the noodles suck up the sauce.

Like a $2.00 crack whore. Is that what you're gonna say? Like a whore. That's a woman right there. Pregnancy brain. It took me a whole 20 minutes. It's funny. Can't do you get two minutes later. Let me drain this shat.

That's perfect. Two cups doesn't look like much when it's dry. That's heavy. I think you should be fine. Sure. Now! I don't know what do you do with this. Probably doesn't matter.

I do the pasta for it. No. Your whole beans? Remember you had four cans? You used two in the puree. See, that's how I remember. And I've made it with canalini like everybody else. But I like a bean that's shaped like a Ted Kennedy's liver.

It's got some bite to it. Yeah, that's right. That's right. A fat cirrhosis-filled pasta. You know what? I think I nailed it, folks. As far as the mouse go? I'm just going to heat it through a little bit, those beans.

Whatever. It's already hot. Beans are already cooked. But like I said, I'm going to hit this with a little oil. Keep it from sticking a little bit. Um, I think we're good. When we come back, we serve. Yeah?

Yeah. All right, kids. The whole beans are in there. The soup part, the pasta. Again, keep it separate. Shit, this came out way better than I thought was going to. Just take a look at it. Okay?

That's not even the finished product. Come over here. I'd use my hands, but, you know, we're on TV. Come on, go. As much as little as you want. Boy, I'm on today. And like everything else you cook, this only gets better with age. Tomorrow will be even more delicious.

Ten years from now, it's going to be... It is. You put it under the couch. My wife's going to be living on this one. In Dallas. Not in Dallas. That would be another... That'll be a different show. Hi, welcome to us.

Pasta bag. Yeah, pasta fag. With your host, the frugal gourmet. Guy used to lock kids into his van with his key lime pie. All right. Yeah. Look, we have, I buy the sticks every watch on. But they rape you price-wise.

You know what I mean? So, he always hit. Right? Parmesan. What you want is parmigants. Parmesan Reggiano. You don't want... That Parmesan Reggiano is from Italy. But anyways, this works for me.

Okay? And you always hit it. Gild the lily, as they say. Scrut of olive oil. Then you take it to the plate out of the table. Whatever the fucking asshole say. Pasta Fazul. Who's tasting it? Both ears? Yeah.

Oh, I look to try it. Go ahead. And then you can give it to your husband. I know. I give it to her scalding. to her scalding and do that to Andy too. She gets spent. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

How perfect. First of all, I'm just saying Mrs. Italian cleavage over here. Seriously, this looks like, you know, you know what? She's going to have to do all these. She can be the taster.

And again, she doesn't. Oh, I'd love to be the taster. And if she doesn't like it, We just cut it when we beat her up. Oh yeah. Yeah, this needs to be a staple. Yeah. Okay, one more bite.

It is. Yeah. That's nice. Like I said, it'll be better tomorrow. Yeah, oh, I know. You know how it melves? Yep. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like a hearty soup. Yeah, I'm gonna make this. This is, I'm going to start making this. And again, tomato-wise, you can use just tomato sauce, but I like to chop tomato. The guy gave me the recipe, like I said. I think he got it when he was over in Italy with my parents. Phenomenal.

That's it. That is it for Dallas. When is this airing? Monday to 24th. You'll see this Monday the 24th. I'll be getting home from vacation that day, am I right? Yeah. That day, yeah.

So, yeah, pasta, pagioli. That's it, kids. We'll see you next time on this show. Nick's Pitchin Kitchen. It's terrific. Hi. Good night, everybody.