The Nick DiPaolo Show - RFK Jr. Punishes Walz/Newsom | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1925

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

In today's episode Nick talks about NJ's Noncitizen Voters, Leftist Terrorism In UK, Fan Smacked for Not Standing, RFK Takes on CA & MN, A Leopard Attack and Faking Productivity! For a limited time, Nick DiPaolo fans get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, & 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://mengotomars.com/ #sponsored The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow GET TOUR DATES & TICKETS - https://www.nickdip.com/tour NOVEMBER 5TH - The Punchline: ATLANTA, GA NOVEMBER 6TH - Rivers Casino: PHILADELPHIA, PA NOVEMBER 7TH - Soul Joel's: POTTSTOWN, PA MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

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Welcome to the live lineup on a Wednesday. Where you get free shows all day. If you want to watch ad-free, just join Rumble Premium. Don't forget to follow my channel and download the Rumble app. Today, what do we have on hand? I'll be discussing. New Jersey has a voting problem. Once again, Trump proves right,

and I put on CNN, and everybody on the left's trying to argue against it, and it's, I've had it. I just, with their obstruction on every move, and it's just, can we get it on? Don't you feel like we're past that point? Now we're just faking, pretending to be a country? It's worse than, anyways. This terrorism in the UK, some woman, 78-year-old pro-life woman, gets murdered.

Gee, I wonder if she's murdered by another righty. Yeah, no. A mock-marron look-alike. We got a clip that you guys probably saw because it went viral so quick, but this kid not standing for the National Anthem had a Cubs game. Very entertaining clip. An RFK, who I love, by the way, I just wish somebody would give him a certs or a sucrette or a fucking tea lemon. He takes on California and

Minnesota as far as fraud goes. He goes, you know what? No more federal money for you. Isn't that nice? Has a Democrat Party ever done that? And we got an unbelievable footage of and it doesn't surprise because it's India. Literally it has to be the worst place in the world to live. I don't give a fuck up the beautiful part. I wouldn't go there if you you know what I mean? Why would you go there? I can get diarrhea

here and I can smell B.O. here. Just getting in a cab. So I wouldn't go there. So, yeah. So that's what we'll be chatting about today. Last night I get all excited, right? I do my homework. I get the show prepared.

Ow. Sit down to watch a recording of the Red Sox. I wait until like whatever late. So put it on. This game has been postponed. Oh, motherfucker. Doesn't that fucking suck the life out of you? So I end up watching some murder.

case from 1988 about a girl and who nobody gives a fucking I shut it off. That's how desensitize I am to. Why watch that one? I can pick up the New York Post and read, and I'm not kidding every morning, three stories at least that grisly.

I'm not even telling you about a story I read yesterday happened in Minneapolis, you know, because they welcome illegal immigrants and open arms. They said it, right? This guy wasn't even probably a legal, but he was some African dude, pitch black, couldn't pronounce his name if you had 12 tongues.

Apparently, he had a beef with the people who owned the garage where he parked his car. He had just signed a new contract for a year, 60 bucks a month, and he didn't want it. So they're getting a little beef. So what does he do? And again, he goes down to the office and kills three people in the office that work at the fucking garage. like a woman in her 30s another woman who just happened to be in the back office and some guy

just bang bang bang but they're just like us remember folks the skin color we're all the same underneath aren't we somebody told me that when I was in fucking eighth grade he said go fuck yourself honest to God I was that fucking hateful

but what can I say from a long line of people who are very bright when it comes to that shit well that's not bright yeah it is I'm still here and those women that work in the office I guarantee you they fucking probably voted waltz in not just I'm not saying they should be dead but I'm just saying keep welcoming your immigrants from all over the world let me tell you something the founding fathers were brilliant up to what well I'm not even blaming the founding father I'm blaming fucking Ted Kennedy again

he's the one who fucking passed this thing that opened the gates to the world it was mostly white Europeans up to that point Are you being racist, Nick? I don't know. Am I? I'm just saying the whole diversity is our strength thing. And again, go to my album, Born This Way, 1998. And I'm saying, that is the biggest lie ever.

Didn't have to read it. That was my own thinking. And what's funny is I said it in La Jolla, California, and they all applauded because they're a bunch of white crowd who live in a beautiful place who want to keep it that way. I'm just But I'm discussing That's somebody's mother, sister

Three people Over a fucking dispute About a parking spot That's how they handle shit In the so-called You know Sweet countries Oe

I didn't even do it But I just told you about it I didn't do it Because I don't speak fucking Swahili I couldn't pronounce The fucking half the names Yeah, so the Red Sox are rained out So what I did

Like I'm fucking matured adult I shut off the TV and wrote My uncle Bob trying to wrap that up He's so goddamn My cousin Eric gave me so many other stories I'm like fuck I don't want this to be another 50 50 page chapter My aunt

Did I tell you guys this? I might have mentioned that he Near the end of his life he was staying right In the same town as my aunt and cousin and who he lived with. He was, he moved into a, um,

a subsidized apartment complex, subsidized housing for veterans. And or subsidized by the veterans, probably whatever, uh, but he's in there. He's 88 years old at this point. And the women love them.

The women were there were anywhere from 50 to 90. And my uncle had this skin that didn't wrinkle. He, when he, His face was like mine right now as far as skin goes. And he was a good-looking guy. He was bald. And they loved them because he was full of piss and vinegar and very charismatic,

except when he drank, but that was years prior. Then he was, you know, he was a real Scotsman slash Englishman. So they loved them. And my cousin Eric starts telling me he was like dating four women. And he gave them names. And I go, what do you mean he gave them names? He named them by their conditions. And I go, give me an example.

He had one girl that liked them a lot. He called her needle because she had to have an IV in her arm like from two to four. It was a fuck out. Another one was balloon legs. But my favorite one was fiber. What's the fibromyalgia? Is that how you say it? The name of the nickname.

He was like a pimp over there. And again, once again, he goes a little too far. Next thing I know, my cousin's being called by the head of the complex. They have to sit down with the chief of police. And my cousin, not the one that,

my other cousin, not the one that's living with Uncle Bob, but a cousin on his side, my cousin, Donnie, was the police chief in the town next to where am I? So they had a meeting about my uncle. My uncle had to sit at the table. with two police chiefs, he's 88.

Oh my God. Fucking love this guy. He didn't do anything. He was coming on to, you know, the girl said he was getting two hands. Got some of that of me, but it was shut down with a marriage. Anyways.

So I think you guys are going to enjoy, I mean, doesn't that sound like an interesting book so far? No, go fuck yourself. Anyways. Oh, and I'm very excited. because my action Bible showed up yesterday. It's this thick. It weighs about 12 pounds.

It's beautifully put together. I told you what it is, right? It's a Bible, but it's laid out like a comic strip. I never liked comics as a kid, but because it was about nothing. And I guess I had good taste because I hated Spider-Man and all that whole shit. You know what? And I hate it even more as an adult. I was on the right side of that fucking argument, too.

Who's running Hollywood? 12-year-old boys? Oh, Spider-Man, get the fuck out of here. But I got my action Bible, so I will use that. Like when I go, when I fly to Dallas, I'll read it on the plane. And then I'll pretend to read it at the hotel, and I'll get out of the bar. Fucking, anyways. No, but it's laid out in chronological order, and I know nothing about the Bible.

That's about it, I guess. The immigrant. London broil last night, I was going to send you a picture. I'm like, I'm probably tired of getting food pizza. Fucking London. And I broiled it. Which is a good way to cook it, by the way. There's a million ways to, but, oh, my God.

Cut it, paper thin, on a bias against the grain. It comes like filet. You can rip it apart with your fingers if you do it right. Had a dry rub on it for like three hours before I cooked it. The dry rub has a little bit of brown sugar in it, so it put a crust on it that you can. mother of God. It really is when you get all the, it's just like Rodney said, fucking food replaces sex.

Roddy, remember Roddy doing that? Yeah, food replaces sex completely. Well, I got to, I had a mirror installed over my kitchen table. That's all I got to say, folks. But tune in for my red socks if you get them wherever you live. Tonight, they're going to go for the tie of the record. If, I don't know what the weather is in Boston. Let's get on to a governor of New Jersey eats crow. New Jersey was thrown headlong into the tense national debate. I can't believe it's a debate. Can you imagine we're having a debate over?

This is about people in showing voter, you know, IDs when you vote, picture ID. Do you believe that's a debate? Does that not, it's a debate. And not just, it's 80 to 20. It's an issue they polled American people of all ethnicities, black, Hispanic, white, Japanese, Chinese. 80, 20 in favor of it. This to me is where people who say this democracy is a bull.

It's not true democracy. It's a representative of republic. I understand. But it's bullshit. It is right now. There's Republicans in the Senate who are against this. That's all you need to know about your politicians. Just think about that.

And as Trump says, and some issues are black and white. Why would you be against showing an ID? Because you want to cheat. End of fucking. story. It's as easy as that. Find out who the fucking few Republicans are and fucking hang them.

I'm cursing up a storm, aren't I? Yeah. Welcome to, I don't know, First Amendment Wednesday. I thought it was going to rhyme with it. So anyways, yeah, Governor Mikey Sherrill announced that, listen to this, roughly 6,600 non-citizens in the

state of New Jersey will mistakenly registered to vote. Here she is probably, I think she blames Trump not in this clip, but later on in this article. Here she is merely mouting. In June of 2023, nearly three years before I became governor, a serious software error in New Jersey's motor vehicle system led to the improper voter registration of what we believe. New Jersey, when you register your car, they say, do you want to register a vote? You can opt in or out on it, but go ahead.

...to be roughly 6,600 people in our state. When New Jerseyans applied for a driver's license or identification at the MVC, they were asked if they wanted to register to vote. In the case of this error, some individuals indicated that they weren't citizens and weren't eligible to vote, but the software registered them anyway. Oh, it's the software. It's the software, it's the software, it's the software. It always seems when a software fucks up, it breaks in favor of the Democrats.

You ever notice that? Go ahead, Ms. Cheryl, your titless wonder, is that it? Good. Like you don't come over there and rip off your blouse. What? Cheryl, Mikey Sherrill, by the way, a Democrat insisted that fewer than 400 of them cast ballots, so no elections were swayed because of it. But the stunning revelation drew angry reactions from Republicans who called for the state to suspend an automatic voter registration law

and said the situation vindicates concerns from President Trump and other GOP leaders, which it does. It's shocking and outrageous, State Senator Declan O'Scanlan, Republican of Monmouth County, New Jersey said. Cheryl also said the MVC, that's the Miet Viet Cong, was working to remove the non-citizens from the voter roll. roles. She said the non-citizens involved scattered across the state and registered as Republicans and Democrats, though the majority are unaffiliated. Yeah. Asked which elections they voted in. Cheryl said the state was investigating that. She stressed we have no evidence at this time that any elections were swayed. Can you imagine? Cheryl, a frequent Trump critic, repeatedly criticized Trump Tuesday during a news

conference saying he has zero credibility on the issue of election integrity. You know why she said that? Because Trump has the FBI or whoever, Homeland Security, out of Department of Justice, looking into all the fraud. Remember they have 250,000 ballots in Arizona or wherever the fuck, California, Arizona, of non-citizens, dead people. It's all out there. Can imagine her having the gall to go, this is trial?

He has zero credit. He's the only one that has any credibility. For the past 10 years, he's cried wolf and peddled bizarre conspiracy theories about fraud with no evidence. You know how much bullshit that was? Do you remember Rudy Giuliani bringing cases of voter fraud? And people today on the left go, yeah, and they were thrown out of court. They weren't thrown out. They didn't even look at them.

they said the court ruled that there was nothing there. No, they didn't. They didn't even let them in. You remember that? Giuseihani had his fucking mud dripping down his head. But state senator and Republican O'Scanlan disagreed. This is a devastating blow to the credibility

of our election system. The Republican lawmakers said, adding it's a shot in the arm of the credibility of the Trump administration, which it is. This comes at a horrible time for the Democrats. Not to mention their party is splintering between fucking, literally, communists and the stupid regular Democrats who are being played.

They don't even know there's a coup going on. And the right, I don't know why the right's getting all nervous. I get more excited every time I see one of these DSA Democrat socialists try to speak. They want to get rid of the Senate, the president. They're not kidding either. It is, fuck. Man, if you can't close the deal Republicans here, I don't know what to tell you. But as far as, yeah, the voting fraud goes, they were debating.

it, what's her name, Abby Phillips, a pretty black woman on CNN's her own show at night. And we have that one white guy, Ken, not Ken Jennings, that would be Jeopardy, Scott Jennings, who argues all the time. And so she was arguing, this is proof that it's not widespread.

You know, those people in New Jersey made up 0.006% of the total votes in that election. And of course, Scott Jennings and a white smart fella goes, okay, but, You're debating the definition of widespread. So what's your tolerance for one vote being fake? That's the real question, and it?

And she said, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Stucked to her guns and got beat. Hey, hey guys, don't settle for your dad bod. Mars men helps you get in shape and feel great. Mars men is designed to help unlock testosterone. Just take the capsules daily with morning food, no synthetics, no needles, Mars men has real ingredients like zinc, boron, and vitamin D to support healthy T levels, natural energy and improved stamina. And I take this too, as you know, I get the other thing, but I take this too.

And again, recovery time, I noticed. That and there's a noticeable difference in strength. I was doing butterflies with, you know, I'm going to look, these shoulders are about to fall apart. but I went up like 10 pounds with, you know, chest butterflies. And I don't know. I feel good after. So I think it actually works pretty damn good. Mars Men is made in the United States and third-party lab tested with a 30-day risk-free trial.

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Nick DePaulo, if you don't know who I am. Ah? Also, in the commercial podcast, of the show. November 5th, the punchline in Atlanta. November 6th, the River Casino, Philly. And November 7th, sold Joles and Potsdam, PA. Those are the dates that were supposed to be in May before I almost died. Thanks to a dentist. Go to, I'm only kidding, dentist. Go to Nick Dip.com to get your tickets now before they are sold out. While you're there, go to the merchandise page and buy some shit. Yeah. Hoodies, hats.

all those traffic home bras and Madonna were in the 80s? Working on those. Also, want to send a personalized video to someone so I can say what you're thinking and you won't get in trouble. Book it at shoutout.us. Anyhow. Now, this next story happens in the UK, but as you know, what happens there usually happens here a week later and the political correctness.

And I'll say it again, you've heard me say this many times in a show. Bill Hicks went over there. Christ, now it's going on 20-something years ago. and was a hit. I mean, he's a lefty, but he even said, that place is a social shiddle. That's what he said. They wanted him, because he was pretty famous over there.

They wanted him to endure something called orange drink. He's there. Yeah, but what's the name of it? Orange drink. Anyways, so this is from the UK. More acts of love from the left. As you know, the left is even probably more crazy over there.

British politician and pro, and that's where we're headed, by the way. If you want to see the future of America, I don't believe it because I think we'll pick up guns before it gets to that point. I would hope. And I'm not fucking kidding. British politician and pro-life advocate and Whittoncombe, Wittacombe, was assassinated in her home in Devon, England earlier this month. Joshua Kerry, the apparent leftist, accused. of slaying the 78-year-old reform UK immigration

spokeswoman was formally charged with murder on Monday. Doesn't he look like a douchebag lefty who hasn't showered in months? And once again, a broken person was probably picked on and there he holds a can

of candy that he uses to law kids into a van in Devon. Jerk off. That's what they do of the left. violence. And if I watch the five one more time and hear people on there, whether it be Jessica Tarloff or Harold Ford Jr., say, well, both sides do it. And you know who says that? You've heard me say this. And I think it's a great quote. Somebody should write it. You know who says both sides do it?

The side that's guilty of doing what they're talking about. That's who says that. Both sides do it. Well, give me five examples. I can give you ten examples of left-wing violence in the last fucking six months. Give me three of right, and they can't. Both sides do it. And that, that phrase, both sides do it. That thing, that phrase hurt us more than anything. Because people will go, yeah, you know, we had that one guy years ago.

Timothy McVeigh, they could always point back to the 80s. Timothy McVeigh, they called him a right-ring Christian. He wasn't even religious. Or that, or they go to Jan 6. Now, that's the new one. Jan 6, exactly. which was, I've been to rowdy of fucking keg parties than January 6th.

I have it on good authority that the murder suspect was a hard left activist. We have decided to prosecute, oh, have you? Decided to prosecute Joshua Carey for murder following a police investigation into the death of Ann Whitacombe and Hator Dartmoor, Frank Ferguson, Chief Prosecutor of the Crown Prosecution Services said. the evidence presented in court on Tuesday where Kerry was in attendance and told not to enter a plea, provided some horrific insights into the assassination.

Prosecutor Kashif Malik, here's the prosecutor. I saw his face on a poster on fucking 2002. All over New York. I'm kidding. But that's what your prosecutors look like in London. You fucking, oh my God. Nick, what are you saying? He can't be?

Yeah, I am saying that. I'm saying he's a fucking wolf and sheep's clothing. That's what I'm saying. Anyways, prosecutor Kashif Malik told the court that the savage attack was captured by a camera inside the kitchen where Whitacombs' lifeless body was discovered by her gardener the next day.

Kerry, that's the killer, is allegedly seen in the video entering Whitacombs home wearing black gloves and arm with a hammer while the Reform UK politician was eating lunch. He then allegedly asked her, Don't suppose you have bank cards and an ID, you know, busting her balls about her having the nerve to ask people.

According to Malik, the suspect proceeded to strike Whitacombe atop the head with the hammer 21 times. 21 times. Okay, I couldn't find the actual footage of this, so I found the next closest thing I could find. It was just like that, they said. She was going through the floorboards. honestly after caving in the Christian politician's skull the assassin pushed his victim out of her chair and onto the floor because I you know it wasn't bad enough he just caved her head in stole her wallet then fled the scene

malik alleged again lefty hard that's what they do read your history it's what they've always done you know why because they lose in the battle of ideas so what do you do what's the next step well physical just like failed politics leads to wars. It's the same concept. Kerry was arrested on July 10th on suspicion of murder. And what was initially figured for a burglary gone wrong, I bet you they wanted to believe that so bad over there,

that media, you know, where they let, you know, gang rapes, actual teams of gang rapers to exist for almost 15 years of their raping young white girl. But I'm confused about. It's better to be funny, Dallas. And he's not. No, I'm kidding.

Initially figured for a burglary gone wrong. Yeah. That's somehow okay. Did he still took a hammer to her head? No, I know. Yeah, I know. You know. Yeah.

Like, in order for that to have been true, what they're implying there is, maybe she fought back and deserved it. That's pretty much what they're, otherwise, you're right. You know. He back. Master Scullin and then took a teacup that was worth $40.

Anyways, he was cut loose the next day, by the way, only to be re-arrested hours later at his home in Rotherham, this time by county counterterrorism policing Northeast. So he was cut free? The next two? Is that there I, like bail? Please tell me, you know, South Yorkshire Police on suspicion of murder in the commission preparation or instigation of acts of terrorism.

Unbelievable. Well, yes, over here, I know what you're going to say. There was a Democrat woman politician. Remember some fucking guy shot her? And everybody was saying, that's right-wing violence. And then it turned out they went through all his shit. And he was on neither team.

He was just fucking insane. And they made a big thing out. It was right after Trump got shot. They said, but what about, and this woman wasn't even known. She was like an unknown congressman from Minneapolis. It was totally different. And like I said,

they went through the things and it was like he was like neutral. Anyways, here's a clip that crack me up. And like I said, it went viral at a second for the last couple of days, so you might have seen it, but it's still very entertaining. And it's what Obama would call a learning moment. Whatever the fuck that, that fucking lying Kenyon jerk off said. Before the Chicago Cubs and Minnesota Twins game, yuck, what a horrible matchup.

although the twins are pretty good. As the Jersey girls, oh my God, are they horrendous? Did you hear that in the back? I was going to play the whole clip for you guys, but I only took a snippet because they were killing me. They took the National Anthem and turned it into something that you couldn't fucking identify.

So I'm guessing the Jersey girls are three black chicks. Maybe not. But oh my God, I wanted to show the whole clip but they were killing me. And I almost said, you know what? I understand why the kid sat down. Stay dumb. Jersey girls are belting out a performance of the Star Spangled banner.

Fans rose to their feet as is customary during the... Yeah, thank you for putting that in. Do you know that's customary during the National Anthem? Remember Joe Biden was giving some speech and he goes, is Chuck Dawson here? Chuck, stand up! And the guy was in a wheelchair. And he's like, stand up! Chuck's like, fuck face.

As nearly everyone in attendance stood up and removed whatever head gear they were wearing, one fan remained seated. which didn't sit well with a man sitting directly behind him who happened to be a veteran who decided to take matters into his own hands no he's one hand actually but yeah here you go get upstairs and he stands up he and I loved

they think he told the kid to shut up he was telling the other two Budinsky's to shut up the guy those kid guys looking back course in Chicago you know they were probably on the kid's side right and so here's my take on this before I get to the rest of the story as much as of course I stand up I would stand up and shit but what you're going to remember folks that flag represents his right to not fucking stand up that's what makes us different than the other fucking dictatorships

you understand as much as I hate that to it I think it's disrespectful tough you know same with burning the flag I'd never do it I fucking hate it It represents the freedom to burn the flag. So, and I don't blame the old man for getting upset. So I don't find anybody guilty. And what I like is we haven't heard about him suing the guy yet. Because if you look at somebody wrong today, it's assault. You know that.

So we haven't heard about any of that. So it gets even better. So that must have worked because the younger fans stood attention for the rest of the performance. He probably thought he was going to get hit with a hammer neck. No, it was bat night at the, and the older fan, to his credit, could be heard thanking the young man after he stands up. But in the article, it says after telling him to shut up, of course. He was telling the other guys to shut up because they had to stick their nose in. No one in the stadium seemed to be too opposed to the move either.

Well, they're not, yeah, like the other 20,000 people going to see what's going. Other than the guy in the aviators, of course, that's the jerk Budinsky's, right, who half-hearted shrugged a few words. when he saw the smack go down. Then one of those guys shook the kid's hand. Yeah, let's congratulate him for being a punk. But then again, the guy probably has the view that, but they stood. So I don't know.

He gets it. Even the guy in the aviated glasses gets it. But listen to this. Now, I heard a follow up on this last night that, and when I saw this, I said, the kid got up, right? So the kid kind of felt kind of guilty. The guy probably said, I'm a veteran or whatever.

The old man said thank you to the kid for standing up. So I was going, he probably feels a little guilty. And sure enough, they said, I don't know if this is true or not. It was on the news yesterday. They actually went out for a beer together. And then the guy fucked that kid in his apartment. Do you believe it?

I'm kidding. It's crazy. You sound like Paul Shamed. for on letterman. Yeah, crazy. I'll tell you, Dave, crazy stuff. That was perfect.

I want you to do Paul for now on when you say something. Just do like, wow, really? Oh my God, Dave. No, they actually went out for a beer together, which is how it should be, honestly, honestly. So I'm on, again, on that one, I didn't take either side. I actually used my noggin.

years ago I've been emotional and said hang the kid or whatever but that's no that's not true either God damn it I've tried every pillow the fucking made even one of those ones you see now that's got like fucking wings on it and shit you think that would help no I guess pillows don't help arthritis I don't know what the fuck it is it's half arthritis I have half arthritis in my spine and a stiff neck all the time now Stiff Dick once every three months. Stiff neck every fucking day. Anybody watching my girl? Stacey, R.P.G.

She's one of those influences who's on nine different platforms. And all she does is react to movies, to music, to... But she's a 14 for me. And you wouldn't say that maybe if you saw her or whatever. But anyways, it's all in the lips and the teeth and the hair the skin that I'm going to wear around my house when the cops kicked the door in. Oh, fuck me. She's so beautiful.

Oh, my. And she, it's so funny, she sounds intelligent sometimes, but then she'll sound ditsy, like she's watching the airplane the other night, you know, and she goes, what? It's so funny how girls take, and my wife's like this, they take the shit so literally. Like it cuts to Leslie Nielsen, all you see is a girl's feet and stirrups, and she's like, Why would he be instead of just laughing? Why? Because it's a comedy.

But then other times she's listening to music, she makes great points about the lyrics and the bass line and shit. And she's not, she says, I'm not versed in music or anything. I'm just here to react. And, you know, and of course, people attack her online because they're fucking losers.

Bottom line is 19. Anyways, make a wish for me. Kennedy and HHS. cleaning up California and Minnesota. Mess. That was supposed to rhyme. Kennedy and HHS, cleaning up CA and MN.

Mess. Okay, fucking burns. Health and Human Services Secretary, Bobby F. Kennedy, Jr. said Tuesday, I wonder if he had the Boston accent. Give me a beer. He said Tuesday, he's stopping.

Listen to this. And to me, this would be the, Why would you have a vote Democrat again, unless you don't give a shit about this and you want the country to fucking rot? He's stopping more than a billion dollars worth of federal Medicaid payments to California and Minnesota. Why? Over suspected fraud. Harry is trying to talk about it. Today I have two major announcements. I won the Catherine Hepron voice sound like contest. A billion dollars in federal Medicaid payments to California.

He sounds like he's coming the whole time he's talking. Good. Soda. Because it's suspected fraud and non-compliance. That includes more than $867 million for California and over $200 million for Minnesota. We are not sending Medicaid dollars out the door until we have confidence that they are being spent lawfully inappropriately. Wow, common sense. I couldn't take my eyes off the fucking, the piece of ass to his left.

The one has three smiles. And by the way, I'm the last one to talk. Because when I did my last special, again, five, six years ago, because I don't give a fuck anymore, folks. I might do another. I might not. Who cares? What's it do for me?

Am I going to fill Lincoln Stadium? I looked like that in the last special. I was 220-something. But I didn't, if you look to me in real life at that time, I didn't look like that. But on camera, and they used five. or 4K or 11K fucking 44K 1000

it magnified my face 11K and don't ever and I read this in an article and I followed it for my whole career don't ever drink water or coffee or whatever right before you go on camera because if you're the least bit

dehydrated it holds it in your face and my they're posting these clips right now my company and the last, seems like the last 10 have been from that special, and they're embarrassingly fat. I'm embarrassingly fat. But I wasn't that fat, I'm telling you. I was heavy, but this thing, you know, TV, the old joke, you know,

the camera puts 10, well, how many cameras were pointing at you? That's the old joke. Anyways, it's so disgusting, and the jokes are great, and they're doing great. I'm just saying, holy fuck, why didn't somebody speak up, honey? Kennedy said if California I know I'm like a broad with that shit I really am I never I never denied that I'm a fucking vain person

Kennedy said if California Governor Newsom and Minnesota Governor Tim Walts want the money to fund low income health care you know what they have to do they need to provide documentation that these payments are legitimate isn't that amazing huh

these fuckers open the doors that's what it says in the article too Kennedy, well, can he blame the Biden administration and the Democrat leadership in both blue states for alleged, for alleged misuse of taxpayer dollars.

They knew the shit was going on, folks. They knew it was going on. Probably getting kickbacks. Who the fuck knows? Instead of protecting your money, that's how little respect they have. They'll go on TV and pretend I'm working for you, the fucking.

They are horrible people, these two. I'd hang out with Newsom before I spent a minute with that fucking, he looks like he fucks kids, number one. He's got jazz hands. He's got no teeth. And that's the Democrat's idea of a macho guy. Remember him trying to load his gun?

Instead of protecting your money, they open the floodgates to theft, Kennedy said. They dismantled the basic program. The scammers got paid, Kennedy said. The taxpayers got stuck with these enormous bills. That's the other thing. We forget his tax pay. you don't feel that shit, you know, but you do when you complain about your taxes being high.

People were setting up, you saw it, you saw that guy, Shirley, Nick Shirley, setting up fake, you know, layering centers and shit like that and collecting all kinds of, whether it was disability or in this case, Medicaid services. Billing shit, it didn't exist. And just one guy had 527 million. They just busted. It's a half a bill. The Centers for Medicare and Medicare. Okay, by the way, I have to start doing paperwork on this. Somebody said to me, who's already 65, was my brother-in-law?

Somebody said, I'll help you with it. He's like, holy fuck. And I said, I got a wife who's 14 times smarter than you and me. But that's not one of the things I can weasel out of because I got to, you know, I can't believe that's where I am in life. I got a haircut and then somebody asked me if I wanted the senior discount. I punched a lady right in their face. I go, there's your senior discount, you 23-year-old.

The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services is deferring. Listen to this. Over 200 million and over $867 million in federal Medicaid payments for Minnesota and California, respectively. Defer means they ain't getting it. Pushing it off to the future. The whole will be in place while federal officers review high-risk Medicaid claims and document deficiencies. Now, how can you go and go? This administration, this Trump.

administration. How can you, if you're a taxpayer, even if you hate Trump on the other issues, wouldn't that be enough to show they're actually trying? George W. Bush didn't do this. I don't remember fucking, and it was, this has been going on forever, by the way. So I don't understand. And people are worried because gas is up to four dollars again. Well, did you notice it's a fluid situation with the war? And every time Trump reports on how it would do whatever, it goes, up and down. Can you, I don't know, can you cough up an extra buck to keep your country safe? That's how I look at it. The rest of it doesn't matter. And I think Trump's doing it because he's got grandkids and he empathizes with everybody who's got young kids that he doesn't want them living

under the threat of fucking a shithole like Iran with a nuclear bomb. He might be sincere. Oh, that's silly, Nick. Well, you know what's silly? He's fucking 80 years old. He could have retired 60 years a golf he wanted to and played golf. Instead, he took a bullet for us. So shut the fuck up about it. I'm Sean Hannity. Good night. And now for Nick's video of the day. I'm telling you, we're going to have me nude. Because they did that on Monty, my Python, I think. The guy was naked playing the pin. Funny us. Do it from the side. Anyways, in our vaudeville segment tonight,

a shocking video captured a leopard India. India. This is good news out of India. Using its gang rapes on buses of young girls. A shocking video captured a leopard barging into a liquor store. How many times does this happen to you? In India and pouncing on a terrified worker the ferocious animal leaped into what appeared to be a stocking, not stalking on your feet,

stocking, you put shit on shelf, area of the booze shop. And, oh, it figures it's in Tauri, this thing. That's a bad area, like the whole country. And mall, the shopkeeper, Sanjay Gajar. You don't have opening, but why not? See, I got to find that. I don't know why a bunch of them transfer it. I don't know.

You can help me. Anyways, let's take Let's take a look at the video. Are you fucking Are you kidding me? What was the baseball more of you giving? Leslie Nielsen? I keep forgetting the name.

My wife's like, what are you retarded? Well, there's a heap that comes an umpire. Why do I have a fucking, you know who's in it? OJ and... Baseball is a cop movies. Nicked gun. No, naked gun, you're right. I said baseball because in that movie there's a scene,

Leslie Nielsen's faking, being an umpire in a game. And they show a guy slide into second, it looks like a real clip from MLB, and all of a sudden a tiger grabs him by the knife, like a real tiger. That's the first thing I thought of when I saw that. Oh, God, help us. Yeah.

Naked gun. Very fucking. Boy, Leslie Nielsen's voice, what casting that was. And what a funny bastard he is. You've got to be really, funny to do that deadpan shit and pull it off. And he was

he'd be on the Tonight Show. His idea of funny he came on the Tonight Show. It was, no, it was, it was Leno, I think. But he comes down with a fucking whoopee cushion, sits on it and the fart noise comes up. And he kept doing it like a kid. But he's got that serious, you know, rich white guy look on his face.

Oh my God. Anyways, good job, managed to pull a shutter down. This is after he was attacked. To trapped the wild animal inside the store before bolting this. He did an unbelievable job of getting away from that fucking thing. I would have froze in fear and he would have bit my neck. They usually go right for the fucking neck.

Clamped on it and you're finished. That fucking Indian guy had such bad bee all the caps like, I'm out of here. I don't like it. The leopard then prowled under shelves in the store looking for a wallet he had dropped last week when he was buying some Jim Beam. And he went, what? Anyways, the Indian guy said, I somehow pushed the leopard away and I run to the exit.

I can't do them either. Crowder does him like he grew up in fucking Calcutta. It's unbelievable. As I ran, I pulled the shutter down. Then I lost consciousness. He fucking lost consciousness. Because of the shutter, he couldn't believe how rusty was. He was shocked.

The leopard, all, can you imagine he had the, I would have run and waved down a bus. This fuck has the frame of mind after being attacked to pin the thing in there. The Leppitt also attacked a volunteer forest worker while wandering into the northern Indian town

just before 9 a.m. Hey, I don't know, India. The rest of the world has tigers, too. We kind of keep them where they belong. What the fuck are you guys doing over there? Other than making food with your dirty hands. Ever watch that on the internet?

There's always a guy in India. He's got a giant like, cast iron fucking whatever. he throws like cream corn on it and then fucking mayonnaise and then ass cheese, fucking hairs then he wraps it up like you know in fucking lightning speed

wraps it up in a corn tortilla wildlife specialist tracked the beast down and tranquilized it no they didn't kill it right did his tranquilize it they didn't tell us Gerjah suffered injuries to his hand shoulder and nose

and the two other men were also injured in the horrifying attacks although the extent of their injuries weren't clear because we didn't give a fuck about them. That's what the story said. La la la. And that was Nick's video of the day. Headline, fake it till you make it.

This is a good one. Good story. Shockingly, not shockingly to me, 66% of employees admitted to faking productivity at work. And 73% of managers said they do it as well. So their bosses are doing it. Generation Jerkoff. Actually, it's Generation Z as in Z's...

You working? Oh, yeah, look at me. I'm dreaming right now that I'm... Gen Z has particular affinity for it. Oh, do they ever? How do I know? Just hanging out in these bars down here. When I used to hang out B&D

before I was banned for life like fucking Clint Eastwood, I would watch a girl, bartender or waitress. I'd go high Hawaii. I get to learn their names, and in a fucking 10 days, they'll be gone because they didn't like it. Did you fire them? No, they just didn't come in. And I heard that story about 30 times.

Gen Z has a particular affinity for it. However, outperforming older generations by 12 points when it comes to slacking off. A whopping 80% of Gen Zs said they are faking productivity while millennials came in at 68%. And Gen X at 58. Excuse me. I am a boomer. I'm just at the... I can't remember.

Just at the ass end of the boomer thing, right before Gen X, I believe. Oh, technically, I might be a Gen Xer. I can't remember because I'm 106, so I'm going with Boomer. The study from Software Finder also revealed some wild tactics. Employees are taking to make it seem

as though they are actually working when they are not. Why did you guys blow your cover? Is that a girl yawning? Go ahead. You fill in them, my. The top two methods employees are using to fake work are moving the mouse periodically. Your boss walks by,

fucking thing. Fucking thing sucks. We'll do it live. I'll write it myself. Moving the mouse periodically. And keeping a doctor. No, keeping a doc or browser tab open. How stupid on the boss?

56% of respondents said they use those tactics. 56% of, oh, that's a good. good picture right there. Part of me admires them. They're like, you know what? Fucking, we can't afford a house. I could work 100 hours a week right now. Apparently, I don't know.

But that's how folks, I mean, we're all young once. We all didn't have a part to piss in. And the economy changes back. You got to stick. You know what I mean? You can't fucking. I became a, oh, that's one of my chapters. Why did I forget that?

Fucking meat salesman door to door. What the fuck? I'm surprised you haven't written it yet. No, you're right. That's next. Guys, I was a store-to-door salesman right out of college. And I get stories for you that could, well, I don't want the FBI knocking my door and go, do you know this woman?

Yeah, she bought 12 pounds of shrimp for me in fucking 1988. Jesus Christ. I think I have it written down in my phone, but still, meat job. That job was a combination. It was like Glenn Gary, Glenn Rod. meets taxi. It's the best way I can describe it. Characters, two Vietnam vets

that were salesmen that were crazies. The manager was a co-kehead who was steal the boss's Porsche. My boss fired him a couple of times, hired him back. That's how hard it is to find people who know this dirty business. Meeting housewives, having their husbands fucking call the office saying, I don't want that guy

around here again. Not because I hit on the white because when she didn't buy, I'd slam my shit. Chuck like a fucking child. After doing a 12 minute pitch, then I had a housewife who keep calling. Fuck, times were good. And my boss was paying for my apartment in Rhode Island on a fucking lake. But I was roaming with another salesman who fucking drank like a fish.

He came home and destroyed my stereo. This is when you put the needle down. Like a nice. He fucking fell on it accidentally. I couldn't even get mad at him. He stagged in the house and he tripped on the rug or something and crushed it. And he was a big fuck. Another method used by 43% of full-time workers was purposely responding to non-urgent messages at a slower rate or slow responding.

Here's a video. You do all that. Not that much. I thought that new promotion was supposed to be a lot more work. Yeah, when the season starts. Right now I sit around pretending that I'm busy. How do you pull that off? I always look annoyed. Yeah. When you look annoyed, you look annoyed.

all the time people think that you're busy. Think about it. Jason Alexander was a fucking funny, funny comedic actor. Boy, and I know Larry David, I would run into him at the clubs in New York with Jerry and shit and he was that quirky, you know?

But God damn, did he take that to a level of funny? That was a... More than a third of the employees said they would log into to a tool they aren't using, while about a quarter respondent said they would send a strategic message on work apps like Slack or Teams to make it seem as if they work. You might as well work. It's a lot of work.

All this fake work adds up to a massive amount of time burned over the course of the year. Specifically, the survey stated that the average worker fakes about five hours per week making it seem as though they are working. Multiply it over a year that's 260 hours. and when divided by an eight-hour work day, folks, that's more than 32 full days of work lost.

And then you got that other thing they do, what they call quiet quitting, something like that. That one's more evil where they don't do anything because they're upset about something and they quietly quit. How dare you? It is a different world, but boy, I worked in an office. I had a few office jobs,

but I was just lucky. And again, there was a kind of boiler room operations. I didn't know, like the meat place. The food was actually very good, so we would get a lot of repeat business. But, you know, I'm still waiting for somebody to come up behind me and stab me from like 35 years ago because they paid $200 for pork chops.

Yeah, that chap is going to, that might be a book in itself. I have so many stories. Oh, my fucking God. How about knocking over a fire hydrant? My truck, I was out there in a snowstorm. I'm going down a hill. This lady lives in a cul-de-sac. My truck goes sideways.

It's a Zuzu pickup truck. It's got a freezer in the back with a block of dry ice and a ton of food in it. Truck goes sideways, slides, bounces up on the side, it knocks over a fucking fire hydrant. Water just starts squirting. I'm trying to get out of there. My tires are spinning because there's ice on the... Then I come back, and then I come back.

and the truck's got a dent in it and my boss Danny noticed it and he goes Nick what happened? I go some fucking guy back into me at the fucking uh he goes no he goes the fucking lady already called and he didn't even get mad at me

that's the type of guy was because he was a you know this guy was a he knew how to fucking talk and whatever loved him we would you know what the contest sales contest were sometimes whoever sold the most boxes you get like an ounce of cocaine

wouldn't tell anybody that but that was in there and boy did people work for that shit oh my god anyways yeah I gotta you're right that's next before I forget it God million stories

I saw that guy who stole my boss's Porsche he worked again for another year gets fired he steals one of our trucks with 10 or 11,000 dollars worth the product in it I'm coming home from a long day of selling

in Rhode Island I see one of our trucks with a Rhode Island state cop-cock chasing it. Can you make that shit up? Danny goes, yeah, it's fucking Billy. Won't say his last name. He used to live in the office.

He would sleep on the couch. I actually, you know, when I lived in L.A., I actually wrote it out. What do you call it? Not a spec script. Just one of the idea. I can't remember what the word is. But I wrote treatment.

Yeah, treatment. And they gave me the treatment, right up the ass. Get out of here. Anyways. But that'll make for fucking, honestly, that might be a book in itself. All right, folks. What didn't I get to? Oh, just one thing, and we'll do that tomorrow.

That's it. Don't forget cameo.com. Do you remember what that is? That's when I, and then you go, yeah, I don't like my mother's sister. She's fat. Make fun of her. And I do. And then you pay me money.

I don't even know if we're actually. advertising. That's it. You guys think that I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here. I can't believe I'm going to say this. Tomorrow is, it is Thursday tomorrow? Are you, I'm actually getting, I'm not scared of many things, but how fast it's going? Fucking Halloween will be up our ass in a few months. Okay, folks, that's it. I think I already said my little thing. We'll see tomorrow. Bye, bye. Hi, good night, everybody. I'm Keanu and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back.

I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business. But Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free trial at Shopify.com.