The Nick DiPaolo Show - Ron Gone Endorsing Don | Nick Di Paolo Show #1513

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Frozen gators, Ron's out, Federal scum and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

🎵 Have you ever seen a grown man naked? Yeah, sure. Welcome, Monday. How are you, folks? Welcome to the show. Check me out on Crowder's show on Wednesday and Thursday morning. Yes. Are we showing a cooking thing this week? Huh? Wednesday we have something from that jerk-off's kitchen. Kevin's culinary school. that jerk off's kitchen. Kevin's culinary school. Good recipe. Ask Dallas. I think eggplant meatballs, right? Fucking delish. Anyways, yeah, so, and I'll be on Crowder too. I haven't

been out there in a month. They've been off, so looking forward to it. Really am. Staying in a nice hotel and destroying the room with all kinds of shit. Probably find me on the ID network with DNA updates. What? I don't know what that meant. Real quick, I just read a headline. Oh, your sister's box. Fucking fuck.

Excuse me. Anyways. Anyways. Trump, Carol Deff What is going on out there? Since we got here Since me and Dallas got here There's been Did the Russians hit us?

Sirens up the ass I don't know if you guys can hear it Sounds like this Get to the fire already. Dice Clay has a bit about how he fucking hates fire. Oh, we're going to an emergency. Big fucking deal. Shut up.

Trump-Carol defamation trial abruptly canceled for COVID exposure moments after X-Prez arrives. Did you read any of it, Dallas? No, but it smells fishy. You got damn right it does. Carol's box. Just moments after Donald Trump arrived at the federal court. You told us that in the headline, your sister's box. The former, tell me who, anyways, the lawyer, blah, blah, blah.

Told the judge she had dinner. Oh, it's Trump's lawyer? The hot one? She had dinner with her parents three nights earlier and that they tested positive for broccoli and who gives a fucking rat's ass? Go up. I can't even remember now. They've lied to us so many times if it's dangerous or not. A jury is set to decide how much damage. Yeah, we know that too. Fucking high school people writing this shit. Habba on Monday asked the judge to postpone the trial until Wednesday. Her mother died last night. What? No. So the former president can attend a New Hampshire

primary. All right. Well, anyways, we updated you. COVID, get ready for that because I got a story coming up about the World Health Organization. It's trying to scare us even more. I haven't had it with this planet. You guys, anybody else? I'm out of here. I'm going to Newark. Let's get right to it.

Real quick, NFL rundown. Dallas's Packers were tremendous against the 49ers. Should have won the goddamn game. And I say next year they will and be in the bowl maybe. And I can't remember the rest of them. I know the Ravens won. What else? And the Lions beat the

Tampa Bay. Hey, Tampa put up. You gotta like Tampa, even though that coach is, I'm telling you, he's a black figurehead. I've never seen him speak into that headphone. There's nobody on the other end. Todd Bowles. Is that racist to say? Yeah,head. I've never seen him speak into that headphone. There's nobody on the other end. Todd Bowles. Is that racist to say?

Yeah, maybe. I've never seen him speak. Please tell me I set the clock. Can you tell it's Monday? Yes. Yeah, so anyways, you've got the 49ers and the fucking Gazamats and the Lions and the Kansas City. That was a surprise to me

because they haven't been playing well this year at all and Buffalo was getting their shit together. Josh Allen might get that fucking choker thing labeled around his neck. Anyways, let's get to it. You girls and homos don't like that type of talk. Well, that's not fair. There's a lot of girls out there

who like that type of talk. They wear flannel fucking Timberlands and flannel Timberlands. Yes. Nap time. As freezes sweep across the American South, alligators, I thought it open with this because it's, you know, we always start with Trump, blah, blah, blah. I thought I'd change it up a little. Alligators showing off their winter survival tactics, just like a fat girl in Boston in February. their winter survival tactics, just like a fat girl in Boston in February. And that was pretty good.

A gator that became trapped in a frozen Texas canal with its snout exposed became the star of social media videos as experts explained the animal was still very much alive. News, that's K-N-E-W-Z, Wonder why fucking kids can't spell it. Dot com has learned. The American alligator at Gator Country Adventure Park in Beaumont was mostly submerged in a body of water that became frozen over by Wednesday morning, January 17th. There's a picture. The white around is the ice that's broken. That's his snout sticking through the hole. That would scare the living shit out of me. When the ice thaws,

the TikToker explained he'll get out on the bank, start soaking in all those nice hot sun rays and be able to warm up. An ecologist and alligator expert at the University of North Florida.

What are you majoring in? Fucking reptiles? Adam Rosenblatt, oh my God, his parents will be disappointed he's not a doctor, told Newsweek the survival tactic is called brumation, which is what I do when I get passed out in the winter and I fall in a snowbank. The reptile version of hibernation. You have a video. Yeah. Did I? The reptile version of hibernation. It's a... You got a video.

Yeah. Did I? Did I go? Go ahead. Here's a video. Check this shit out. You guys want to see something really cool? We all know what alligators do in the summer and spring.

We know what they do, right? What do they do during the winter and how do they survive? Look at this. They go to Miami. Look right down here. You can see the entire body of the alligator. But most importantly, look at its snouts. He has pushed its snout.

Look at that. So he can get oxygen. He can breathe. That animal is in full hibernation right there. His heart's beating three beats per minute. Folks, that's amazing. That's how alligators survive in the ice. Kill it.

Fucking music's killing me. I have a big ball! That's how alligators survive in the ice. Kill it. Fucking music's killing me. I have a big ball! Look at that. Look at that fucker. I told Dallas that happened to me playing pawn hockey once. I popped one out of a bond. I reached in and lost my hand. This is fake, this hand.

Can you tell? Can you fucking imagine that? That's why they're still around, like the Kennedys. I don't know. I thought Ted going into the water. Oh, my God. They are the coolest thing.

They're just as close to a dinosaur as we got, isn't it? Those fuckers. That and you know who? Nancy Pelosi. She's a fucking hundred thousand years old. Oh, I cleaned it up for you conservatives, that fucking twat. Let's move on to big political news, I guess. I mean, the writing was on the wall, but it's kind of surprising because this guy dropped

out before the goddamn, even the election happened in New Hampshire. Florida Governor Ronnie DeSantis suspended his 2024 presidential bid on Sunday, endorsing former President Donnie Trump and bringing a quiet end to a campaign that had long been seen as the most viable Republican alternative to the 45th president. He came on, he said, following our second place finish in Iowa, we've prayed and deliberated on the way forward. If there was anything I could do to produce a favorable outcome, more campaign stops, more interviews, I would do it, DeSantis announced in a video. Am I reading the video? Oh, good.

Thank you. But I can't ask our supporters to volunteer their time and donate their resources if we don't have a clear path to victory. What's that? According, look, accordingly, I am today suspending my campaign. He's doing the right thing.

The writing's on the wall. It's coalesced behind the fucking guy who's going to win the thing. One knows that a likely vote for him would probably actually swing over to Trump now, which is going to make a landslide. Well, I saw a whole analysis on that last night,

and that's probably what's going to happen. There's a lot of DeSantis people that are never Trumpers, believe it or not. So, who the fuck knows? But yeah, he's going to crush either there's a lot of DeSantis people that are never Trumpers, believe it or not. So who the fuck knows? But yeah, he's going to crush either way. Here's Ronnie telling us the bad news. Accordingly, I am today suspending my campaign. I'm proud to have delivered 80% of my promises.

And I will not stop now. It's clear to me that a majority of Republican primary voters want to give Donald Trump another chance. They watch his presidency get stymied by relentless resistance, and they see Democrats using lawfare this day to attack him. While I've had disagreements with Donald Trump, such as on the coronavirus pandemic and his elevation of Anthony Fauci, Trump is superior to the current incumbent, Joe Biden. Amen. The now ex-candidate added he was endorsing Trump because we can't go back to the old Republican guard of yesteryear, a repackaged form of warmed over corporatism. Excuse me, that GOP rival Nikki Haley represents, and he hit it on the head there.

He's a little whore. No, you don't have to go that far. He's a little piece of trash. This guy's always got a ski vest on. It's inside, for Christ's sake. Anyhow, yeah, he's doing the right thing. Before I move on, in the second half of the show, I'm going to be telling you how Dana White will show a clip of him fucking schooling a woke reporter about the First Amendment. Also, the aforementioned World Health Organization trying to pull another election hoax.

Only really scary, literally trying to put the fear of death in us. Those dirty fucking, again, they're owned by the Chinese and LeBron James. Same people. Anyways, it's exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more.

It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's NickDip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. So yeah, he's doing the right thing. Haley's the only one left and she's going to take a beating like you read about I think I mean who knows all these trials I I again and I said this at the beginning when they started indicting Trump and all these things months ago I go why is everybody so confident that he's not gonna that he's gonna be around but I guess maybe because of the timing of the things too I don't know yes most of most of them, they're lies. I mean, they're fake indictments.

He hasn't done anything that anybody else hasn't done in business and whatever. Or politics. What's that? Or politics. Or politics. So that's what's, yeah. That's the problem right there,

scaring the shit out of him. He is, you know, I got to believe the brothers are like, I fucking love this guy. He's in court, mouthing off to the judge. Oh, I forgot to send that. Crowder, I got a great idea for you. It involves,

you can't do it. You'll break your chest and ankles and shit. We know you have. He's a big motherfucker. Anyways, let's move on, shall we? Feds are fucking scum. Nick, why do you get a curse? I'd watch it.

Shut the fuck up. How about that? Feds are fucking scum is the headline because I'm angry when I read this shit, and I want to translate that to you, okay? If I'm going to stay up tossing and turning because of this shit, you guys are going to pay for it. A shocking report from

Representative Jimmy Jordan indicates the federal law enforcement, this is infuriating. This was the story of the weekend. It probably broke right before we broke last week, so. Indicates that federal law enforcement agencies wanted financial institutions,

I'll say that again, the feds wanted financial institutions to identify potential say that again. The feds wanted financial institutions to identify potential extremists by flagging otherwise benign purchases and search terms affiliated with former President Donald Trump in the wake of the incident at the Capitol on January 6, 2021. We know that that was entrapment by now. We know it. We fucking know it. We've seen footage of the guy with a helmet being walked through. We see him open and there's enough footage to prove. So that was a pretense for all this. They knew they were going to take the bait, even though they really didn't take it. They didn't break up the place and burn it down.

They knew they were going to. And then that way they could say, this is what Trump represents. And now they're fucking using it. Very smart on their part. Once again, the right being played like a fucking fiddle. Here is Jim Jordan telling Robert Ray, the FBI guy, how big his dick is. Do you believe that, though? It gets even worse when I tell you the terms they were using. You're calling this?

Huh? No. On Wednesday, Jordan sent an alarming letter to Noah Bischoff, Jewish much? The former director of the Treasury Department's Office of State. Listen to this title. Listen to this title. You know my old rule, The longer the title, the less they do. And the more nefarious their day-to-day activities. And they hide it behind a title like this. This guy's the director, again, Noah Bischoff, of the Treasury Department's Office of Stakeholder Integration. Wait, there's more. And Engagement in the Strategic Operations Division. There's more. Of the in the strategic operations division.

There's more of the Financial Crimes Enforcement Network. I mean, I know the military loves their. I was about to say I was in the army. I've never had anything close to that. Let me ask you, Dallas. Had you ever heard of Fincen? No. At first I thought it was Vincent. FinCEN. FinCEN. That's otherwise known as FinCEN. F-I-N-C-E-N. Jesus. Oh my God. According to the letter, Jordan's committee and select subcommittee have collected documents which suggest that

FinCEN was targeting law-abiding Americans, paging George Orwell on the basis of protected political and religious expression. One FinCEN document referenced in the letter allegedly urged financial institutions to query Zelle payment messages, that's a way to, you know, you pay your employees, for terms such as Trump and MAGA. To that I say, another FinCEN analysis mentioned in the letter, they couldn't be too, could they be more transparent about who they're trying to go after? In the letter, apparently suggested that these same institutions could identify possible lone actor slash homegrown violent extremists

by examining customers' transactions. Listen to this. The best part's coming. Looking for the purchase of religious texts. Did you look for Farsi texts? Did you look for Koran texts? No? Just including the Bible, Jordan said, the person, not the country, in the Bible, or bus tickets, rental cars, or plane tickets for travel areas with no apparent purpose. Not a, not a, is that broad enough for you? How about anybody that didn't vote for Biden?

The letter also alleges, listen to this, it's getting better. It's more specific. The letter also alleges that KeyBank created presentation slides about merchant category codes and keywords that financial institutions could use that might identify potential active shooters or other dangerous international terrorists slash domestic terrorists slash homegrown violent extremists. The MCC's key bank suggested supposedly included 3484 small arms and 5091 sporting and recreational goods and supplies. We're getting to it. We're getting to it. And the key words, are you ready folks? Here's what I should've used the drum roll. Including the names of notable national gun stores,

such as Cabela's, where I've been, and Bass Pro Shops, where I've been. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! That's right, Jim Jordan. You believe that? Do you fucking believe it?

They don't have the balls just to go, anybody's Republican. Anybody who's family people loves God and country. FinCEN then shared these key bank slides with other financial institutions and letter claims. While the letter states that Finn sends alleged intrusion on Americans. But I can't help but think, Jim Jordan's been uncovering shit like this for years. And I know you're on the same page with me, and nothing ever happened. It's almost like, again, they're playing together.

You know what I mean? The globalists, they're all part of it, and they go, Jim, at least we'll pretend to show them, you know, but we know nothing's going to. While the letter states that FinCEN's alleged intrusion on Americans' private purchases began as a result of January 6th. Shut the fuck up. An exclusive report on the letter from Fox News Digital suggests that January 6th, like I said earlier, was a mere pretense to justify a much broader investigation into Trump supporters and other conservatives. No shit. No shit.

It's not just the people that happen to be around the Capitol on January 6th. When's the last time you bought a duck decoy? You'll be knocking on your door. I'm fucking real, man. That is absolutely. a duck decoy. You'll be knocking on your door. Unfucking real, man. That is absolutely, and that should be plastered everywhere. But it's not, is it?

Think they talked about it on Meet the Press? Maybe. I don't know. I don't watch that shit anymore. It's a good point. I watched it 10 years too long myself.

Tim Russert died. I stopped watching. That was 40 years ago. I was 11, years too long myself. Tim Russert died. I stopped watching. That was 40 years ago. I was 11, by the way. I really loved that shit. My parents were like, did you see him masturbating to Face the Nation? What? Anyways.

Hey, for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of my show. Everyone else go to NickDimp.com and join to get my full show, the great Steven Crowder's full show, which I will be on soon, and a whole lot more. And there is a whole lot more. It's a great network. And while you're there at nickdip.com, I have, again, I can't press this enough. You guys, I haven't asked much. I have sacrificed my career to seek the truth.

Sometimes it involves race and painting people and not a pretty light or fucking raggedy women or Siamese twins. I hate those. I'm just asking you guys to come out on May 11th to this giant theater that will be echoing. And I don't want to disappoint the 400 people who already bought tickets,

but if it's 402, I'm not going on. Tommy right now, I'll get his attention on that one. Just kidding, folks. I'll go on if there's eight people. Anyways, it's a huge venue for me. So bring noisemakers. I don't know what else to say. That's that.

Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey on May 11th, Mother's Day. Goodness, great. Maybe I'll have mom. guitar solo Outro Music