The Nick DiPaolo Show - San Francisco and DEMS Lose Again | Nick Di Paolo #294

Episode Date: February 4, 2020

Terrible Liberal Super Bowl Commercials. Instagram Model Streaks onto Field. Warren on Rolling Stone.   Visit www.NickDip.com to see Nick live!   MONDAY - THURSDAY 9PM EST   #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

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Ah! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How are you, folks? Yeah. How are you, folks? Monday. Monday. Another week. Real quick, big shout out to Jake Elcom.

He just joined at the veto level. That's like three weeks in a row we've had veto level. Understand, folks? That's the highest level. 50 bucks a month or whatever. These guys are flush with cash. Cough it up. You know what I'm saying?

I was listening to Rick Ross all weekend. Turned into a real gangster down here, George. I just set my stock. Fuck the cops. Bust them shots. I'm going, is that an Elton John tune that's got a catchy what other musicians put glock fucking nines in there

nine millimeters in there fucking open it up anyways thank you Jake appreciate it real quick we just added a new date I'm not gonna I'm pushed for time I have a dentist appointment been biting down on a tooth I don't know it's cancer or some shit it hurts anyways we just added March 28th and 29th I've been biting down on a tooth. I don't know. It's cancer or some shit. It hurts.

Anyways, we just added March 28th and 29th in Houston, Texas. I'm doing Skank Fest. That's Jay Oakerson and the boys. And people pay, you know, it's a two-day thing, festival. I'll be doing one show each night for like an hour. So Skank Fest, March 28th, 29th. Get the rest of my dates at nickdip.com. Yeah? Okay. And thank you for Brunswick. I did the Historic Ritz Theater. Oh my God, people. Small crowd, but I didn't do any press for it, okay? This is where I get to work shit out. They were so, here's the thing. I said,

who listens to the show? Everybody. At least 100 people there, I would say. Between 100 and 11, I'm not sure. 11 or 100, I couldn't. But unbelievable. And actually, I get out on stage, this is what I see in the front row. Holy shit. Do you fucking believe that? Rich Wood fan. Rich, I looked down, the guy's in the guys in the front i go who the fuck is rich

i literally forgot rich that wasn't i i was just you know i just opened a mini fridge in the green room and found a bag of food i'm not making this up had been in there four or five years there was flies all over it it was a fucking gross i opened another mini fridge it. It was a fucking gross. I opened another mini fridge. It had feathers of a bird and like dry blood in there. And the comic, the opener goes, I did open that one. I go, can't be worse than this.

I opened it. There's a bag of food. And I think Jimmy Walker ordered chicken on it. First time he ever did comedy. And it's still, Oh my God, it was fucking, but it was a sweet crowd.

Nice little theater. The people that ran it were very nice. Want to thank the people that came out. It was great. I did an hour and six minutes and had a great time. I'll do those anytime I can get them. What's that? You want to do the Warren thing really quick? Oh, you want to do Liz Warren? Liz Warren was on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine, I guess. And we asked people, some of you fans, to give us a caption for the picture. Let's look at the picture first.

you were revealing the jokes, Rez, at the same time. Remembering, go ahead. What are you doing? Go back. Fucking relax. Put it back. Remembering John Denver. That was my favorite one. David Spade is back. Tommyy's this was tommy's idea the picture's fucking it's got tommy's got to have a little bit of it's just her on the

fucking you know i mean she's in a gray sweater i thought she was going to be doing something silly like taking a dump before the debates or something but um i came up a little lizzy warren took an x gave the economy 40 whacks when she realized what she'd done we're all living on the streets like fucking bums how's that put that in your titless sweater look at her i could grab that little chicken neck and pop her head off like a spaz dispenser spaz dispenser how many coffees did i have today pez dispenser uh look at she's like an i she looks like an ugly irish guy I don't like you, Lizzie. I don't like what you stand for. Bernie is the real deal. And again, you guys know I'm not a Bernie.

Fucking politically, he's retarded. But at least he believes in this shit. She jumped on his back. Still won't answer the question if she's going to raise taxes. You're a fucking, go back to Massachusetts, okay? Or go back to the reservation and have some fire water and get diarrhea with the rest of the fucking squaw. I don't like you. Sound like I'm turning to Judge Judy. I don't believe you. I don't believe you're not an Indian, Liz. Take your hands off your hips. Eyes up here. Anyways, that was a good one. I like the John Denver one. Remembering John Denver crashed in a glider. Anybody who gets in a plane without an engine.

Some people say they think he committed suicide. I don't know. I actually like his music. How gay is that? That's the fucking taste I have. Rick Ross and John Denver and everything in between. Anyways, let's get to the Super Bowl. I usually don't do a lot on the ads, but because they're socially relevant, why am I echoing

again? Raz, does your thing completely go off your mic? Yeah. It is? Mm-hmm. All right. Don't touch mine. Don't do it.

Unless I tell you. Don't fucking. Anyways, Super Bowl ads. Like I said, I usually don't cover them that much because it's a bunch of pop culture shit that i can't relate to anymore um but this was but we'll cover them because uh it's the it's a political year and obviously trump bloomberg and a few other the mamalukes put ads out there uh but some of them were just left-wing propaganda great opening uh by the way the chief Chiefs won, just like I said.

I said it would be close and Mahomes would be the difference, and that basically exactly what happened, wasn't it? That's why I won the pool this year. 17 weeks, 106 people, and I had the most right. What, do you think that's a fucking accident? Mama Luke's. KC Chiefs, victorious. You can tell they've been starving for a Super Bowl.

This is how old I am, Raz. I saw the last, I watched the last one they won. 1970, I was eight years old. Letty Dawson was my hero. It was against the Vikings. Remember it like it was yesterday, okay? 50 years later. So they were starving for a championship.

They don't have much else. Did you see Trump put congratulations for the great state of Kansas? They're in Missouri. It was the perfect tweet. It was perfect. No, it wasn't. But, of course, everybody's jumping all over Trump. Yeah, well, fucking Obama said there was 48 states, and he pronounced core corpse.

So let's not get fucking, okay? But that's hilarious. I'm going to be honest with you. I've played clubs in both states and I used to refer to them. I think I went to Stanford and Sons in Kansas City thinking I was in, I still ain't sure if it was Kansas, Missouri. Anyways, real dopey. Doesn't anybody check his shit before he tweets it? Anyways, if you don't believe Kansas City was starving for a Super Bowl, and I'm happy for Andy Reid. People seem to like him, all the players.

But check out this. You think this fan was starving for a championship? This is a grown man in America. Keep an eye on the dog. Look at the dog. The fucking dog's a... You can act like a man. What's the matter with you?

Imagine, fucking, there's a grown adult in America. Meanwhile, ISIS is over there teaching 12-year-olds how to chop off heads. And this guy's fucking coming all over the couch because they finally won one. That's not it. Act like you've been there before, pal. You've got to act like you've been there before. This is a Patriot fan reacting when we won the Super Bowl last year. This is me reacting to that there you go, okay next, look even my dog's asleep

the dog's bored shitless out like a fucking light I put some hamburger juice on my crotch there but listen why do you say shit like that because Hannity can't. Fucking shirts crawling open like I have fucking traps.

Anyways, so yeah, Chiefs, congratulations. You actually do deserve it. I am so happy. Why? Because San Francisco lost. That city does not deserve to be called the champion of anything but fucking drug dealers and feces that's nancy pelosi land you lost again and people of san francisco i'm not including you

most of your good people but most of your lefty fags and you're everything that's wrong with the country but so i'm so glad you fucking lost you guys don't deserve football goes first of all you gave us colin kaepernick didn't you didn't't you? Yeah, so no. No Super Bowl for you. No Super for you. Go step on a dirty needle that you gave out to a fucking crackhead. That city deserves. It was as good for me as the Patriots winning. San Francisco losing at something.

So Pelosi wouldn't be, you know, pretending she likes football today. All right, you'll be back. They've got a very good team. But Pat Mahomes, okay? How about him? I think he's part Cherokee. You right, you'll be back. They've got a very good team, but Pat Mahomes, okay? How about him? I think he's part Cherokee. You see him running around there like... Oh, let me give you my chili recipe real quick, okay?

I have made this for the last five Super Bowls. This is chili for men, adults, all right? Keep your faggy kids out of the kitchen. Three and a half pounds of brisket. Cut it up. I'm doing it real quick. Three and a half pounds of brisket. Cut it up. I'm doing it real quick. Three and a half pounds of brisket. You cut it up into inch or a half inch cubes if you'd like, right?

You brown that in some oil. Take the meat out of the pot, okay? Add two medium onions and one giant yellow onion chopped up with about six cloves of garlic. Saute that. Throw in a habanero pepper if you want to keep the fucking adults enjoying that you know i throw in a habanero i put cayenne pepper uh a habanero pepper so it what it does is infuse the oil with that fucking hot and uh and then you throw the onions garlic then you add your uh you had three tablespoons of chili powder

two tablespoons of cumin okay then you add a can of 28 ounce whole tomatoes crush them with your hands first add that in there then add a bottle of beer that's my touch to it then put the meat back in put the lid on it simmer for two and a half hours on top of the stove after two and a half hours take it off put a half a cup of strong black coffee in it it's in the recipe this isn't my recipe it's unbelievable that's how you know it's real half a half a cup of strong black put the lid back on simmer for another hour okay and then take it out and then chop up a bunch of fresh basil throw that in there and a 30 ounce can of kidney beans let them warm through for about five minutes then serve in a bowl with

shredded cheddar cheese uh dollop of sour cream make sure you have a fire extinguisher next to the toilet the next morning because you're gonna fuck it it's like the batmobile when you shit there's eight eight foot flames coming out of you. I'm just saying, I've made this for people that are like, you didn't cook this. This is not yours. I got it off the Food Network fucking barefoot contestant, some woman named Devin. She won like 10 awards with this chili.

And all right, so do that for your friends. They will blow you. Speaking of the Chiefs, Lenny Doss, who was my second football hero ever, here's the coolest picture in sports history. That is him during a Super Bowl game. I think it might have been the Chiefs-Vikings. That's him during a game at halftime smoking a cigarette with a fresca between his legs.

He was my hero. He's the first book I read, like in fifth grade. It was Lenny's autobiography or whatever the fuck. Unbelievable. Look at him. He used to gamble. I wrote a whole book. I used to gamble on the games.

And he was a Hall of Famer. Look at him sucking on that butt. If you ask players today, especially the NFL, it's 90% black. You should be allowed to smoke a joint on the fucking side. Absolutely. Imagine the second half would be played much slower. But I want that picture. I want that in black and white.

I want it framed. I'll pay for it. If somebody out there can send that to me, I want that somewhere in my house. Okay? He's cooler than Fonzie ever was. Let's get to the, look what I just did, Rez. Fucking sister's ass. No, no, no, no.

Stay right there. I just spilled coffee, everybody. Fucking sister's ass. No, no, no, no. Stay right there. I just spilled coffee, everybody. Fucking sister's ass. I did that this weekend at home, all over the couch. Anyways, let's get to the ads. Like I said, I usually... Did you enjoy the halftime show, by the way? Do you enjoy a 50-year-old Latino sliding her snatch right into the camera

and being on a stripper pole? Did your daughters learn anything from that? I'm not complaining, Perez. By the way, Shakira's way hotter than J-Lo. J-Lo is so in fucking love with herself. She's got zero talent, okay? She's cute as a button. That's where it is. And Shakira is fucking way hotter.

I know that because I dated her in college. Yeah, she's from Maine, did I tell you? Yeah, I dated her in college. Yeah, she's from Maine, did I tell you? Yeah, she's from Bangor. God, it's hotter than a witch's tit up on this motherfucker. Anyways, here's some of the ads. And first of all, great job by the NFL.

A hundred year. They did a kind of a tribute of the hundred years. Did you guys see that? And it opens with a commercial, a young black kid running with a football, like 10 years old. He's running through airports all over the country to New York. Then he gets to the – and they fuse the two. He gets to the gates of Miami where the Super Bowl is being played,

and then it turned into him running on the field. That was so cool. Great tribute. I actually get teared up. I've been watching this shit since I was six. Dick Buckus was my hero. Alan Page. These guys back in the 70s. Deacon Jones. Don Shula's 90. Poor Earl Campbell, my favorite running back of all time. Poor guy's in a goddamn, basically, he's in one of those things you see everybody at Walmart in. One of those little scooters. Guys like my age. C my age cripple didn't look too happy either uh anyways uh that was so cool that but uh trump was one of the first ads

and i wonder who he was trying what boat he's trying to get with this one I am your voice. I'm free to start over. This is the greatest day of my life. My heart is just bursting with gratitude. I want to thank President Donald John Trump. Woo! Hallelujah! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I'm Donald Trump, and I approve this message And so does the Wound Tank Clan What? Keep my motherfucking president's name out your mouth, nigga I was repeating a black guy that we show on the show all the time. Don't fucking get angry at me. But that's a pretty effective ad, okay? He did something.

But he signed whatever. But, you know, she was dealing drugs. Let's not act like Grammy's the sweetheart. Alice Johnson was known in the hood. Get your shit from her, yo. But that was, you know, I think Trump was trying to nail down the 10 black people that don't like. He's going to do so well. Okay.

Unemployment record. And very effective. Remember he had Jack Johnson. He had a tribute. The heavyweight boxer. Remember he got arrested for being with a white woman back in the 40s. Remember he had Sly Stallone and all these boxers came to

the Oval Office and shit. He knows what he's... And I know the fucking left... He's just... That's political. He don't mean none of that shit. Okay, so if he doesn't do it, he's a racist. If he does do it, he's a racist. You people stop with your nonsense. That guy, he's got soul, man.

He was part of Earth, Wind & Fire, you know, Trump. You guys don't realize that. He wrote a couple of tunes. Celebration. The favorite song of white people at weddings. Yahoo! Very effective ad. So I saw that, right?

And I went, look what I'm doing to myself. What a fucking loser. Yeah, Raz, grab them paper towels. I'll keep talking. Spilled a full cup of coffee. So excited about today's show. Oh, God. Just picture me in a nursing home. What happened? Who the spilled this shit? And here comes the black male nurse. Beat me with a bedpan. What did I have, a gallon?

Okay, so you got Trump doing that ad, right? Fucking justice reform, whatever you call it. Prison reform. Fucking old lady selling drug reform. Alice Johnson's happy. And I'm like, okay, I wonder what's coming. Sure enough, not much after that, it was an ad. This one got me so fucking angry.

It's what I call a Super Bowl anti-cop ad. They have to balance it out, right? You can't be two. Goodell's trying to walk that fine line between people who still like Kaepernick and us Americans who love this country. And so here's an ad that I was very anti-cop. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Yeah, I'll never forget that night. I was still playing with the 49ers and my wife walks up after the game. She told me that my cousin Corey had been killed. Corey broke down on the side of the road

and a plainclothes police officer pulled up. Then this guy starts screaming. All you hear from there is three shots. Do you really believe that? You stupid idiots at home, do you really believe that? The cop pulled up and started screaming at him and shot him because that's what the ad just wants you to believe. Do you believe that you stupid idiots at home do you really believe that the cop pulled up and started screaming at him and shot him because that's what the ad just wants you to believe do you believe that i didn't even bother looking it up i was so disgusted you're gonna tell me he

didn't do something and i'm not saying whether the killing was justified or not i just want the fucking both sides of the story if you're gonna make make an ad. You want me to believe that his cousin didn't do anything? A cop pulled up playing, they say right in the commercial, he didn't realize he was a playing clothes car, which tells me he must have done something. You know what I mean? Why do you bring that into the, so what did he do? And can we hear from the cops?

There's people at home going, look, he just pulled up, started yelling at the guy and shot him. I don't believe that for a second. And I will apologize a thousand times when I fucking look, you know, read about it tonight. I mean, that made me just not buying it. You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. Who, me? No, they're lying. I'm a good guy. So the cop pulled up, plain clothes, and just started screaming. Then you heard three shots. Do you think the other guy was screaming back?

Was the cop screaming, hey, get your hands up, show me your hands? What was he screaming? How can you show that? You know what that looks like? That looks like reporting on MSNBC or CNN. That's the type of shit that has us at each other's throats and its agenda. And you and I both know in real life, we get along pretty good. I'm living in a town that's 60-40 black to white. And you know what? People get along swimmingly. And I knew that when I lived in New York and shit. This is the type of shit that keeps us at each other's throat. That's what the left

do. They fucking conquer. They want to divide and conquer. And that's how they do it. A cop just pulled up. My cousin got shot three times. The cop was yelling at him. That's the whole story you want to tell us? Really? See, now Trump's ad is canceled out. Oh, we showed some love for black people.

Now we're going to show what it's really like. You know, they all. By the way, you know how much? $10 million for a minute ad. $10 million, which to Trump and Bloomberg is literally like 40 cents or whatever. And how do I know that? Because mini Mike Bloomberg, mini Mike Bloomberg, he ran an ad. It was a gun control ad, which people on Twitter really push back against, I should say, social media.

Twitter is a left-wing cesspool. I'm sure there's plenty of people. But it widely was rejected on social media. At least that's the headline the next day. Let's take a look at... I almost hope he's the nominee. I told you guys he was going to get in before he got in officially. I told you that. I just hope he's the nominee. I told you guys he was going to get in before he got in officially. I told you that. I just hope he's a nominee.

I want to see him take guns away from, like I said, southern people. A kind of a swishy Jewish fellow from New York. He's going to go. He's going to show up knocking. Give me a gun back and you're going to hear this. Get this through your head, you. Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you. I don't know why.

Joe Pesci's living in Georgia. Maybe he's shooting a sequel to My Cousin Vinny. I don't know why Joe Pesci's living in Georgia. Maybe he's shooting a sequel to My Cousin Vinny. I don't know. But here's the ad. George started playing football when he was four years old. He would wake up every Saturday ready for the game. That became our life. He had aspirations about going to the NFL.

On a Friday morning, George was shot. George didn't survive. I just kept saying, you cannot tell me that the child that I gave birth to is no longer here. Lives are being lost every day. It is a national crisis. I heard Mike Bloomberg speak. He's been in this fight for so long, he heard mothers crying. So he started fighting.

He heard mothers crying. When I heard Mike was stepping into the ring, I thought, now we have a dog in the fight. I know Mike is not afraid of the gun lobby. They're scared of him. And they should be. Mike's fighting for every child. Because you have a right to live. No one has a right to take your hopes and dreams.

I'm Mike Bloomberg, and I approve this message. Why are you molesting that white kid in glasses at the end of the day? That kind of... And of course we feel bad for that woman. Nobody wants... That shouldn't be happening. But it's the people! It's the culture

we got no details on why the kid was shot you know they're hoping you'll fill it in with a white cop i'm guessing but you know we know it's probably in a city gun buy and of course we're all for stopping that shit okay but it's not the goddamn gun itself jesus christ how many times? It's the culture. It's illegitimacy rates through the roof, broken families, poverty, all that shit. Where's the ad with the good guy stops the bad guy? There was a couple of those incidents already this year. But remember the church?

The guy shot the fucking guy who was shooting up a church this year? But it's not the gun itself people okay let's ban if that's true let's ban knives and cars and it is so friggin silly okay and i don't to this day i don't think there's been an and this is an ra member who's actually committed a murder yet? I heard that on TV. Anyways, Mike Bloomberg, and he got a lot of pushback because this is America, man. Guns are more American than the Super Bowl itself. But of course you feel for that woman. And a four-year-old kid, guarantee that was a drive-by or he got caught in a crossfire or whatever. Well, Nick, why didn't you look it up?

I didn't have time to. I've got a dentist appointment. I have to get out of here. That's the other thing we don't want in America, people with rotting teeth. Maybe Bloomberg already pushed back on that. Remember with the big gulp? It's too much sugar. You're going to.

You know why he's running, right and and i sort of agree with this analogy a lot of people saying it on both sides on tv but i i think they're right uh they're saying he knows he can't win but the democrat party's using his money you know i mean to push back against trump he's flooding markets with ads and shit you know And they are in a tizzy, the left, because Bernie Sanders is kicking ass in Iowa. Again, he's a socialist, self-admitted socialist. Shit's never going to work here. But I love that. I'm giving young kids credit.

They're tired of all the other. Did you see Biden? Did we talk about this? I think it happened over the weekend. He was speaking and he had a guy stand up. We didn't cover this. Did we Thursday? He had a guy stand up in the audience, a guy like a military hat.

And he acted like he knew him. He goes, hey, how are you? And you could tell he had no idea what the guy's name was. Anyways, he talks to the guy for a few minutes. Then he goes to go back to what he was talking about. He goes, what the hell was I talking about? he was talking about, he goes, what the hell was I talking about? Look, I know isolated incident, that's no big deal. I mean, I do that 10 times a day. But this guy's running for president. He's already shit his pants in public and standing in Hawaii going, look

at those New Hampshire mountains. I'll tell you, I love Alaska. You know, so he just, it's almost like he's tanking on purpose he's going what do i gotta do what do i gotta do for you guys to kick me out of the polls they're still leading so they're in a tizzy because they think trump democrat party thinks trump's gonna stomp barney you know i mean so they they remember what they did to him against hillary remember they fucking the whole thing was stacked. It came out after. Donna Brazile admitted it. She had the questions

before the debate. Remember they fucking robbed Bernie. And again, I hate his politics and he's a fucking curmudgeon and he's authentic. That's what I do like about him.

And he's a Jewish fella living in Vermont. That says a lot. Must be some tremendous weed up there. You know, he's like, this was Ben and Jerry.

I'll tell you the chunky monkey. I never taste anything better. Why can't we make oatmeal taste like chunky monkey? And why can't we pay teachers like ballplayers? I don't know. But Mr. Blomberg, so that's his role, I guess. Remember I was talking to Trump Jr.? I go, he's going to jump. He goes, nah, he doesn't. His ego.

That's why he jumped in. He's watching Donald Trump, a non-Jewish fellow, become the most powerful person on the planet. He's like, I'm smarter than this fucking guy. I can't believe this. Well, believe it, my friend. Coffee on my shirt.

Right now it's dripping down across the testicle area. It's all sticky down here. My nuts taste like stevia. That's a sugar substitute. It's hotter than a witch's tit. Here's the one that set me, this came early in the game. This might have been the first ad in the game.

This one set me in a tizzy. Even my wife said, oh my God, your fans are going to be like, what's Nick going to say about this one? This, I'm showing the ones that really got me in a fucking tizzy. But what did I say? The most insidious group out there is what?

The feminists. If you guys don't understand, they have hijacked our culture. As far as pop culture, whatever. Hollywood, movies, commercials. Are you guys not tired of hearing every ad, every role on TV is about empowering women? Anybody busier than a soccer mom in a commercial? I'm a dentist. I'm a softball coach. I'm a mechanic.

I can lay brick. I'm a whore. I sleep on the... Husband's in the back like a retard. So here's kind of a misleading ad uh it's just watch it Let's go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Secret.

My wife looked at me. She's about, she could see my face turning fucking beet red. She's about to say something. I said to her, don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head. No, even my wife goes, that's just defensive to men. What is the message there? If you live in the United States of America

and you're a woman in 2019, this isn't 1819, or 2020, I should say, you face inequality every day, total bullshit, especially if you're above a five. You have access to fucking money and cars and guys who want to fuck you. Oh my God. Could you be broader with that? And then

it was brought to you by Maxi Pat or whatever the fuck. You know what? Men have their periods too. Why didn't you put that in there? That's a fucking woman's wet dream. They fucking inequality, such fucking nonsense. You know what inequality is? See, they forget. They forget. Why don't you look at the Middle East and see how women are treated in Saudi Arabia and places where they catch a little girl going to school, they throw acid in her face or they stone you for leaving your house without a male relative accompanying see that's inequality okay that's what it is it's not that you make two cents less than a guy and you really don't when you factor in all that's all horseshit too um but even my wife goes that's just offensive to men well Let's kick inequality. Do you really feel that put upon, ladies?

Then move to fucking the Arab Emirates. Put on a bikini. Get fucking 40 lashes. And film it. Put it on YouTube. I need something to yank it to. What? You heard me. Dramatic pause.

My elbow's so sticky right now. It's like I stuck it in Liz Warren's ass. How about that commercial, huh? Oh, my God. Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? Will you shut up?

Will you shut up? Let's kick inequality. Oh, poor you. Poor you. Then they cut to Beyonce, you know, fucking sitting next to her billionaire drug boyfriend. Fucking, oh, poor you. Let's kick inequality. I should have pulled up that clip of the girl running back

that I've been shown for years they had a woman running back playing against guys like in the arena football league and it was first down, you ever see this first down from like the five yard line and they give her the ball like three times each hit is more brutal I'm playing against like college

fucking guys, big brothers she tries to go right, they knock her on her fucking ass, then they run her left, this guy almost takes her head off. You know what? She got up. I'll give her that one. Ladies, I'm sorry. I'm not being anti-women, I'm being anti-feminist. You've lost touch

with fucking reality. Now Raz was saying to me, as long as men can beat up girls, they're never going to run anything. I said, Raz, that's a little extreme. Come on now, Raz, don't be like that. Oh, wait a minute, Raz was saying to me, as long as men can beat up girls, they're never going to run anything. I said, Raz, that's a little extreme. Come on now, Raz. Don't be like that. Oh, wait a minute. That was me.

I'm sorry. I got to rip through this real quick. Oh, my tooth. What could I do? Did you see? Did you see the picture? I don't know if it was a picture or video of Bill Belichick at Gronk at a party. Look at the look of Belichick's face.

Look at the look on Belichick's face. He's like, should I be in this? Fucking, these are like porn stars and shit. And look at fucking Gronk. Is he not living life? Belichick's just back there, you know, and Gronk's all fucking happy going, Hey, everybody, we're all going to get laid. Look at Belichick. It's like he's got gas from

the chili. He's trying to look at this girl's tits. That's that's Belichick's girlfriend, by the way, with a hat on. Not bad, huh? I mean, he's not exactly fucking Chris Hemsworth. Not bad, huh? I mean, he's not exactly fucking Chris Hemsworth. And that's Gronk's girl on the right, I'm guessing, right? I don't know. Does it really matter? She's a piece of fucking ass.

Who's the guy in the middle of the Sacramento shirt on? Not showing fucking Kobe much love with that shirt. I heard something happened to Kobe. What happened? Something happened last week? I still want to know the story of that, by the way. I'm still confused because pilots who have flown that route said that he probably didn't know how low he was. It was foggy, right? And they implied that he hit the side of a hill, but that's not, when you read it said it fell straight down. Did it hit the hill and bounce off and fall straight? You know what I mean? It does not

make any sense. It sounds like to me, almost like a mechanical thing and it fell. I'm not, I'm just saying, look at fucking Gronk. Could he be happier? Who's the broad above him? She was like an NYPD blue 25 years ago. But Belichick, look at him, fucking dressed like a JCPenney mannequin. Look at the look on his face. Hey, everybody, we're all going to get laid. Look at the look on his face.

That's as happy as he gets. He's got that, should I be in this? This is not going to help. Fucking Brady's leaving. She's cute, though. Look how cute Belichick's girlfriend is. Unbelievable. I'm sure she's with him because, you know, for the love.

You're going to tell me he worked at the DMV, that broad would be fucking him? Come on! Like Rick Ocasek for the Cars, the late, great Rick O'Kasick. Remember Pauline Portakova, the top model? He looked like a shoehorn with a fucking trunk and a dick. And you girls call us shallow, honest to God. Sometimes they just don't. Hope Belichick doesn't see this.

I'd like to meet him someday. Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done. And then we had The Ungrateful, and I'm so sick of hearing about Jay-Z and Beyonce. They're like our royalty over here. Not saying they're not talented.

Empire State is one of my favorite songs. I replaced Frank Sinatra on my thing with Empire State. New York, New York. I fucking think that is the greatest song. Alicia Keys, who is about one-tenth black, but she acts like she's 4,000% black, and you can see that she hates white people. She talks with that edge and shit. She's whiter than I'll ever be.

But that song, to me, is phenomenal. And Jay-Z's a talent and a businessman. I understand all that. So you know what, Jay-Z? Stand the fuck up when they play the national anthem for a country that made you a billionaire. If you grew up anywhere else,

you'd be driving a street sweeper or maybe managing a TJ Maxx. You see him, you have like a business acumen. But here's him and his fucking wife in a little blue Ivy, whatever her name is, named after Boris Sokolov.

That's why he didn't stand. Look what he's wearing. He's got a fucking his mother's house coat on. He looks skinny. That doesn't look like Jay-Z, does it? I haven't seen him lately. Look at little blue ivy going, that's right, this't seen him lately. Look, a little blue eye be going. That's right.

This country's racist. I'm not standing, you motherfuckers. Not standing. The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law, and then wants us to sing God bless America? No, no, no. Not God bless America. God damn America. That's in the Bible for killing innocent people.

God damn America for treating her citizens as less than human. God damn America as long as she tries to act like she is God and she is supreme. Take your hat off. And she is supreme. Take your hat off. How dare you? How dare you? I sound like Greta Thunberg. Who, by the way, I just caught before we went on the air.

She was nominated for a Nobel Prize. Naturally, she's a little girl. She's kicking ass. Trump doesn't deserve one for cleaning up fucking ISIS or anything, right? Or for even meeting Kim Jong-un, opening new doors. He doesn't deserve one for cleaning up fucking ISIS or anything, right? Or for even meeting Kim Jong-un, opening new doors. He doesn't deserve it. Or fucking blowing up Soleimani, the fucking world's

number one terrorist. He doesn't deserve that. Obama got one. He fucking, he actually was in a war. You know, that's how the life works, folks. But come on, Jay-Z. If you expect me to buy any more of your music, which I buy a ton of, I love that shit.

I don't get your wife, other than she's a piece of ass. I don't get what's special about her. Shakira's special. Did you put the picture of me up watching the halftime show? It was all Hispanic, right? Jenny from the block. And then that's me. That's what I did during the halftime show, It was all Hispanic, right? Jenny from the block. And then that's me. That's what I did during the halftime show to try to fit it.

I was just trying to get into the spirit for Shakira and J-Lo, an all Hispanic halftime show. Just sliding their pussies into the camera, ass everywhere. I'm not complaining, but I'm just saying Raz has got kids. He doesn't want his son yanking it yet. The kid's three years old. How old is your son? Eight.

Oh, he's probably rubbing one already. I started early, right after I came out of my mother's... Oh, you can tell I ate chili. I'm looking heavy and old today. Oof. Went to the goddamn gym and did, yesterday, did 11 miles on the fucking elliptical machine. What did I do?

I erased that with three bowls of chili. Had to be 700 calories apiece. Just wiped that out. Couple beers. Woke up this morning. Looked like Jerry Lewis on Pregnizone. Speaking of pieces of ass, we had a Super Bowl streaker. She was tackled.

You're probably going, good, I hate those people. But whoa, whoa, slow down. Moments after she charged the field at Sunday's game, it's believed that the woman who was dragged away by security was, don't put it up yet, Instagram model Kelly Kay. Kay's friend and fellow model, Colleen McGinnis, posted video, social media of Kay trying to strip Donna even as she was being taken away. And this is what Kelly McGinnis puts.

Boy, we're living in a new world. You go, bitch. Look at that ass. Remember when guys would say that shit? Girls are more turned on by girls and you can't blame them uh mcginnis wrote adding on twitter you go babe i love you mcginnis uh post suggests that k's attempt was linked to uh a vitally uncensored the same site that got widespread attention for kinsey walensky streaking at a soccer game in Liverpool. At the World Series, Julia Rose and Lauren Summer flashed their tits behind the plate at a Washington game, Nats game.

Rose and Summer's received a lifetime ban from MLB Parks. That's un-American. Tits are as American as apple pie, Chevrolet, and baseball. But I know the kids and, oh, come on. Anyways, let's take a look i'll first we'll show you her what did i say the instagram this is kelly k and the guys who tackled her should be taken out and shot go ahead oh wrong one oh so one piece as well. This one's a little more high-waisted on the side.

Pause. Yeah, I'm glad they tackled her to the ground. Who would want to see that running across completely nude? Huh? You know what's funny? The guys always get away. The pasty white guys with their tiny dicks. They always get away.

They're out there for 10 minutes running circles. These guys tackle her like it was, you know, Oswald and Kennedy. Go ahead. Play the rest of that. Give your hips some extra curves. But I like this one for spring coming up. You can pair this with some shorts or with some jeans. That's what I'm wearing

this summer. San Francisco. I'm doing a gig. Some Daisy Dukes. Look at it. That's what I'm wearing this summer. San Francisco, I'm doing a gig. Some Daisy Dukes. Look at it. She's peeing. She's an NFL fan. She learned that from Odell Beckham. She's peeing as she's being introduced. Look at it.

She's got shoes with the tag still on them. Is that it? Oh, God. Too bad. Save that, will you? Now, here she is at the game. She won. Let me remind you. Now, here she is at the game. She won. Let me remind you.

She wanted to run nude across the field. Completely. Look. Hey, everybody. We're all going to get laid. Delicious. Thank you. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole.

Oh, my God. And you know what would happen, though, if she did get out on the field? Some guy would have ripped his clothes. You know there's a drunken guy, right? Might have been Gronk. Gronk would have taken his fucking shorts off and charged the field for her own protection. But do you see? What's it say about our country?

How everybody just wants to be famous. You know? She's like, I have the nicest, no, there's a million girls that fucking hot. But she wants to be known. So,

I just say to you, security guards, sometimes, look the other way. If I was a security guard, I would pretend I was talking to somebody. You know? I would have fucking been eating peanuts and shit, and I would have started to look in my eye, and I'm like, so anyways, I think my homes

will be the different. Bill, there's a broad running name. Yeah, I know. I'll get her. Hold on. Anyways, Kelly Kay, good for you. Now she'll be banned from Super Bowl. That wouldn't have been any filthier than the Halftime Act. J-Lo kept sliding towards the camera with her crotch right in the stripper pole and shit. Can't wait till her daughter is blowing people under a bridge for 50 cents in Queens. Let me know if she has one. I'm just making it up.

Well, I got to get the fuck out of here real quick. What do we got left here? Let's go with the, let's go. I like to see when people, anti-Trump people finally get pushed back. Here's a guy in a golf cart who was driving around. Oh, we don't have the video, right? Or do we? Yeah, then I'll go with the other story. Snowflake meltdown. This was when Trump got acquitted for impeachment.

You got it right. The guy's screaming. This is outside the wherever. I don't know. The Capitol. The White House. Does it matter? Remember when he got elected and that girl became world famous?

That fat girl with the glasses screaming in pain? And she's still screaming in pain? Each time he wins. When he won the election. When he didn't get, when no collusion, this girl's been slicing her wrist. Kavanaugh gets off. No impeachment. They are fucking, he's winning. Just like he said, we're going to get sick of winning. Watch the response from these communist scumbags.

Uncle Junior's there yelling dictator. And like Raz pointed out, yeah, he's a dictator. You'd be taken out and shot if he was a dictator. You fucking dope. Shame, shame, shame. Shame on you for falling for the sham, I say. And I love that you're out there protesting because that's the beauty of this country. It won't be if you put Liz Warren or Bernie in office. The tyrannical fucking left. Shame, shame. He keeps beating us. We were told he was dumb was dumb trump he's making us look like an

asshole every six months we can't have this shame who said that who the fuck said that a bunch of whiny bitches slimy little commoner shit twinkle toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant i don't look like fucking an uncle june anyways that's what happened when the senate said no he'll be acquitted and we knew it was coming huh did you hear what the left's already preparing res they're gonna keep digging even though he's acquitted they're gonna keep digging and start another investigation you guys do that while trump marches to the fucking 2020 election victory keep doing it there's gonna be nothing left of your party between Don Lemon having orgasms over a mediocre joke and you people crying every time he beats

you he's beating you like a red-headed stepchild and it makes me harder than a fucking shark's tooth don't forget that that is it for today, folks. Nickdip.com for ticket information. Cameo.com if you want me to make a personal video message. I'll roast one of your friends, relatives, somebody you don't like at work, a neighbor. I'll say happy birthday to your mother, your dad, happy anniversary, whatever you want.

I can make the day. I can wreck their day. You tell me what to say. I'll say it and send it to them. All right? That is it. What am I forgetting, Rez? send it to them. All right. That is it. What am I forgetting? Rez got it all.

That's it. Well, uh, we'll see you guys that subscribe to Patreon, which you all should. Uh, we'll see you tomorrow. Have a good rest of the day,

everybody. guitar solo guitar solo I'm out.