The Nick DiPaolo Show - Say it IS so, Joe... | Nick Di Paolo Show #1600

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Biden's dropout, the Media meltdown, Kamala and more! LINK TO SHOT ANALYSIS: https://x.com/i/status/1814398580154872092 Support the show & cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at https://www.mintmobile.com/NICKDIP Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

Music playing Mr. DePaulo, no one could be as nasty as you pretend to be unless they really wanted to be disliked that I just realized I just made that a tribute to Bob Newhart who passed away this weekend Bob Newhart folks I don't know your mosties are probably my age legendarily legendarily funny that's not even a word just a legend in comedy how about that dry Midwest and, still watch the old ones. Just great writing back then. His deadpan, him and Rickles were like this.

Imagine they used to go on vacation with their wives. Can you imagine hanging out with Bob Newhart and Rickles? And if those of you guys who are a little too young to remember that, pull up on demand or whatever. He had two shows. I liked the first one when he, you know, is a shrink. But then he's got the one when he owns a hotel somewhere. All funny.

All really funny. Both. But I just, you know, I'm an old school guy. What? Just the writing is so much better than the crap we get today. There's a few good ones today. But he was so goddamn funny. And my wife's heartbroken my wife has of course I have to go in and tease her I go he's next pictures of

Dick Van Dyke and shit I go how the fuck did he beat him well you saw that Clint Eastwood's partner whatever that means oh died at 61 so he's an outlift by 30 years his partner yeah that. He's punching her. That involved him punching her. No, I know. I know. And still working. That shows me death is really scary,

even when you get old people will be like, no, I'm not going yet. It's kind of creepy. But Newhart, oh my god. I wonder who's doing the eulogy. All his friends are dead, his funny friends. I got a flown in done a few minutes Marsha Wallace, she's dead. She's the ugly redhead

Great show folks and I told you I one time I tried an edible and I freaked out This is a few years ago when I was living in upstate New York going to my wife's bedroom She's like, how's it going? I go not fucking good Move over I sit down next to her and she put on new heart from this the first one from the south And I went back in time to the 70s. I felt like my house was it was fucking that's just weed How do you guys drop acid? Even mushrooms I the mushrooms didn't bother me as much as the fucking weed well the edible anyways, it's not for rookies That's all I'm telling you kids But at least you have to worry about fentanyl back then anybody seen fucking Lenny Dykstra lately. He always pops up

He was the New York Mets Fucking great outfielder when they won the World Series at 86 and tough guy they call them nails You see him now. He looks like an 80 year old homeless guy. He's on the internet today with no teeth And he shows a bunch of trash bags in front of the shitty house he's in. He goes, you know why that's out there? Because I'm not a fucking pussy. I'm a fucking man. Oh my god. Anyhow. It's freedom baby. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyways, let's get to it. Because, gee gee a little bit to talk about over the weekend and don't let them distract you with a whole kamala fucking joe biden stepping down horse shit when they just try to kill trump it's a nice you know it timed up very nice as usual don't fall for it watch both of them is what I'm saying. Oh, so interesting. This is what all this DEI, they've been pushing out for 50, 60 years, and this is what it's got us, this dingbat woman of color who's not even black. It's like Canadian, Jamaican, Indian, is like a twat hair. I'll clean up the early part of the show.

A twat hair away from the presidency. Maybe. It's not even settled yet. You got big money donors fighting with a and Don't take it from me take it from the John Turley's of the world and these these guys even JD Vance all these guys who are Experts in the law and the Constitution say this is a coup is what it is. You can't say You can't have it both is. You can't say, you can't have it both ways. You can't go, he's gotta step down because he's too old, but he can still be the president until January, you can't do that.

It's gotta be one or the fucking other. Anyways, I said, say it is so, Joe, for you old people would get that. As you know, Joe dropped out of the race yesterday and here is his first statement, which caught me by surprise. He was very frank on this one. My fellow Americans,

I wanna take a moment to address some of the hateful shit you've been talking about me. Many of you have said I am suffering from brain worms or that I have applesauce for brains. Well, I won't miss words, so here it is. Fuck you, you're all a bunch of faggots end of quote repeat the line so enjoy president cackles or president booty juice i really don't give two fucks anymore biden out there are some funny mother the applesauce line i gave greg guttfeld

on friday a line about him having applesauce in his eyebrows Friday or Thursday. I'm just wondering if I have to take credit for everything. I'm just saying nobody referred to his head as applesauce. Anyways, how funny is that? There are some funny goddamn people out there. I clicked on that thinking it was real when he said talking shit about me almost I almost fell off my couch. Which is funny, because I was in my bed. You know? And then he goes, fuck you, faggots.

Fuck you, faggots is the funniest line ever. There's the t-shirt we need. Oh, I'd have it on the front, the back. I want to get a tattoo on my neck. Fuck you, faggots. I'm not going to go for a job interview. Dallas, it's fucking steaming in here. What the fuck? Anyways, actually, here's

his real statement. It's going to be read by Jen Psaki. It's been the greatest honor of my life to serve as your president. And while it has been my intention to seek reelection, I believe it is the best interest of my party and the country for me to stand down and to focus solely on fulfilling my duties as president for the remainder of my term. Would you get that little red beaver right up there in front of you? I don't think it's crazy at all. Jen Psaki with a makeover. Still looks like the Marble Man, but not bad.

Not a bad effort. So that was what Joe said. She read it then I guess he said I'll speak to the nation later this week when I find out which nation I'm speaking to I gotta take a nap and a shit probably at the same time good night everybody this week in more detail about my decision I want to thank the vice president Kamala Harris for being an extraordinary partner in all this work.

And let me express my heartfelt appreciation to the American people for the faith in trustee, it says. You are placed in me. The only thing, please, the American people, about 11 of them. Let me remind you people out there of something. This country is way more to the right than it is to the left. Just remember that. Well, how do you know that? Because we still win elections. As slanted as the news and the internet and all that shit is, we still win elections. That's how

I know. They will make you believe that it's a liberal country, which it's not. But they can make you believe it because they control the blow horn. Every channel, every station, and some of you nitwits don't do your homework. Not you guys, the people who voted for him. About a half hour later, he followed up the open letter with another missive on X, endorsing Harris to replace him at the top of the flailing party's new ticket. Isn't it fun watching these guys in play? Today, I want to offer my full support and endorsement for Kamala to be the nominee of our party this year,

Biden wrote. Democrats, it's time to come together and beat Trump. You didn't beat him last time. You fucking lion fuck. Excuse me, folks. Let's do this, says then he wiped himself and went back to whatever he was doing I want a bunch of poop and you know what after he made that statement snowflake media melted down CNN's Van Jones broke into tears on Sunday and I'm gonna say it again I kind of like this guy. Yes, he's far left and nuts about a lot of his ideas. But when he sees something that you can't lie about, at least he'll go, nah, Trump's better than you think he is. He comes clean every once in a while, which is,

I think he was a street, you know, a fucking shit raiser in Oakland. He was like an activist back in the day. Cleans up nice. Anyways, for some reason, when I first saw him, I go, I hate this guy for some reason. So anyway, CNN Van Jones broke into tears on Sunday as he delivered an emotional reaction to the news

that President Joe Biden was dropping out of the 2024 presidential race. Here he is talking about his hero Joe Biden. There have been people who are pushing for this to happen. It's kind of like when your grandpa, you gotta take the keys. And everybody, you gotta take his keys, you gotta take his keys. And he's fighting and he's fighting and everybody's so frustrated. And then you finally get the keys back and then you just cry because this is somebody that you love. This is somebody that you care about. This is somebody who was there for you. This you somebody you wouldn't be here without him and you have

to take something from him i say take the motherfucking keys jones slammed the recent media coverage that he claimed has painted biden as some problem for the party now you see now you're getting back into lion how How can you deny that? Every time the guy gets within 100 yards of a fucking staircase, he does some assaults. I don't know anything about politics, he says. What are you doing on CNN the last 20 years? Talking politics. I just know that I love this man.

I care about this man. He said, see, I actually believe this guy. Black people don't cry about a lot of shit. Maybe a lost bag of Coke or McRib sandwich going out. Along with Jones, Senator Chris Coons, leave that one alone, also appeared distraught over the news live on the air with the co-chair for the Biden-Harris campaign

breaking down on, see I don't like this guy, this guy's a Delaware nitwit. He's been, oh, he's always on a Sunday morning programs trying to be. He's always both sides do it. Blah, blah. Here he is getting upset like a bitch. Joe Biden is grounded. He's grounded in his faith, in his family and in our state. He's grounded into a double play his whole life. Shut up. Oh, I'm sorry this was a

very difficult decision and one that I think reflects the very best of who Joe Biden is what's your fat fucking mouth malt that's Italians that much better who am I kidding? Anyways they were melting down over there on the left. Guys again don't take it from me. We got a quote, we got a story coming up later about one of the biggest donors and he has a specific take and he is like I'm taking my money out of this if you're putting that broad in there. And it's long from done because why because Obama didn't endorse her. I really think he's the king of all this shit. Don't you?

Definitely has his fingerprints all over it Oh my god Anyways, yeah, we'll get to that a few minutes. Hey with big wireless providers what you see is never what you get They're always magically jacking up the price, leaving you wondering what happened. With Mint Mobile, when they say plans are $15 a month, they actually mean it. How do I know? Because I've tried it. All of Mint Mobile's three-month plans are only $15 a month.

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three month plan only speeds slower above 40 GB on unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for more details and we thank them for sponsoring the show today. Thank you Mint Mobile. And you have fresh breath after your talk. What? Who said? Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich! You better change your tongue before I make you a sandwich. And now shut up and make me a sandwich segment. Excuse me. Today. Here is the cackling whore

with a statement after Joe endorsed her Canadian slash Jamaican ass. We do have this statement from Kamala, the vice president, Kamala Harris. She just put out, I am honored to have the president's endorsement and my intention is to earn and win this nomination. I will do everything in my power to unite the Democrat party and to defeat Donald Trump. When she says everything everything she means everything she'll be bent over the fucking the resolute desk being slammed from behind by a high donor well licking the balls of barra it'll be terrific delicious Dallas I

don't know about that did it once didn, didn't care for it. Very salty. What a gross show this has turned into. Delicious. There she is waiting for another load. Man, did she ever? She's like Billy Bass. That thing on the wall, take me to the web. Look at the mouth. Throw a hook in that thing. Oh, I'll tell you. Last time I saw a mouth like that, I had a hook in it. will tell you last time I saw a mouth like I had a hook at it it was Rodney is this something wrong with the air today it's really it is it's not I don't think it's working though I dropped two degrees I know several hours which is not normal for this fucker let's let's do we what I don't know what we're doing. Former president Barack, Barack Obama,

seen here snapping gum, I don't know what he's doing. Obama didn't endorse Kamala Harris saying Democrats would pick an unnamed outstanding nominee. And I put my stock in him out of everybody that's yapping. This is his third term like he wanted and they had Biden as the puppet and a few others. I think AOC is more of a play than we give her credit for, too.

Anyways, saying Democrats would pick an unnamed outstanding nominee in his first statement on President Biden stepping aside from the party's ticket. Obama, my age, 62 big ones, was joined by former House speaker. He looks pretty good. Nancy, who doesn't look good, Pelosi, there she is swatting away a fly because she's wearing a skirt. Eeeew, eeeew, eeeew, eeeew, eeeew.

And not immediately backing the 50, you know why she's not backing the Vice President? Because broads don't back each other. It's the beauty, you hit each other. Following reports last week that both favored an open process to replace Biden. And that's where it's going to get complicated the next few days.

They can't do what they're doing. You just can't coordinate somebody apparently. I don't know. I'm not going to get into the details, but read up. I didn't. I can't retain somebody apparently I don't know I'm not gonna get into the details but read up I did and I can't retain any of it we will be navigating uncharted waters and the days ahead Obama said I think he said that before he get on the raft in Kenya oh I know he's from here folks I know he's from Hawaii he says but I have a have extraordinary company that the leader of our party

will be able to create process from which an outstanding nominee emerges what are you doing oh I can't I couldn't say yes they tell you and by the way somebody was telling me they tell you they teach you not to point your finger Fuck that. I want Trump doing this Why not point your finger? Uncle Sam is on every poster. He's not going like that. Who's gonna sign up if he's doing it? That's what you do when you pull change the channel. Yeah, exactly. Yes. That's right. That's exactly right Got a fucking remote in your hand. Some Democrats fear that Harris could further diminish the party's chances.

I wonder why they say that. There's a whole right now on the internet, she is getting creamed. There are 40 things, memes of her saying stupid shit and doing stupid shit. Where was she in Puerto Rico when she was applauding? These kids were dancing, playing a music for her, and she was applauding, but they were actually, it was about making fun of her. Harris could further diminish the party's chances

against former President Trump in the November 5th election. Excuse me. He's a little whore, and a little piece of trash. Oh, easy, easy now, Miss Warren. Obama remains one of the most respected communists in the country among Marxists and his lack of an endorsement of Harris could damage her candidacy and make Cuba and China hate her and implicitly encourage new candidates to emerge yeah yeah like who

well let me give you a good one that somebody brought up I think with somebody on the left and I know you're gonna go he's a Republican what do you fuck it Mitt fucking Romney who we all knows a two-faced cocksucker right who has it in more for Trump than Romney why wouldn't he make the jump but you know why cuz they're a Marxist party even he's not even though we I don't know we fucking even as much as he hates Trump that he does have in common with the Dems and he's a polished business guy and

it has to be someone like that that's not from from what I said remember I said Bezos or Mark Cuban some some left wing lib, very successful guy in business or whatever. But again, the party is so fucking anti-capitalist. You've really dug a hole for yourselves. Biden dropped out after Obama and other top Democrats including Senate Majority, excuse me Biden, did I say Obama?

Biden dropped out after Obama and other top Democrats, including Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, there you go. The minute he's on your side, it's unbelievable. And that's not an exaggeration. And I defend Jews everywhere, defend Israel, all that stuff for this fuck. I'd feed him to Hamas tomorrow. I'd drop him right in the West Bank in his underwear with fucking what are they like I'm miss all over his ass I'm miss that's all I can come up with Dallas where they

eat over there give me something else baklava baklava do they eat that was that a Dirk a Dirk a thing oh it's baklava baklava it almost sounds like the dessert from the Greeks but it's not it is though They eat that all over the Middle East. Oh, they like that, huh? dirty fucks And Pelosi privately expressed concerns following Biden's dismal June 27 debate performance that the sitting president would lead down ballot Democrats to a wipeout defeat He's such a scumbag I told him to go back and

finish that burger. And I was on X a lot this weekend folks, hitting doubles and triples. I got thrown out the plate a couple times with like 26 like, fuck I'm gonna kill whoever. It's not good in here today, folks. Alright, for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else go to nickdip.com, join to get my full show, the great Steven Crowder's full show. Had a blast out there. Is that the last time we were together? Was that last week I went to Crowder? I can't even. Yeah yeah we had a good time.

I went on to like a two minute rant where I lost my shit and he put it out there and every point was made. Very proud of my ass. Anyways, while you're there at nicktip.com click on the tour button as you can see and this is coming head on at us at a hundred miles an hour August 9th Jacksonville Center for the Performing Arts in Jacksonville Florida and then the next night August 10th I'll be at the Gas South Theater in Duluth Georgia I can't wait I've been making little notes about all this shit folks it's very tricky when you're doing political stuff because

it's all topical something can be funny on a Wednesday it's old by Saturday so it's a fucking real pain in the ass and that's why I'm gonna do a whole hour dick jokes and some knock-knock jokes it'll be now I got a few premises written down that even made myself laugh I hope I don't get arrested. Then again, you people coming out, you know what you're in for. Hi, good night everybody. Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow!

Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! I'm out. you