The Nick DiPaolo Show - Secret Service Getting Grilled | Nick Di Paolo Show #1606

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Howe's grilling, Dana's take, Maduro's steal and more! Today’s episode is sponsored by PESTIE Pro Grade Pest Control. For 10% off your order, head to https://www.pestie.com/dipaolo and use code dipaolo (lowercase). Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

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his own death warrant? Me? Hi folks, how's it going on a Wednesday? The great state of Georgia, good to be worthy of. Worry to shudder shumum. Boy, I can't even, I'm at the, I'm saturated. I can't even listen to, I can't listen to anybody now. It's, I've said it before, it's sane versus insane.

They're living in some reality. I can't even, it's, this whole thing is such a farce with her and it's just fucking I can't I can't even listen to a clip of you guys are gonna get nothing but like I don't know stories about sports and strippers I can't do it I can't have it yeah I just can't have it. Jesus Christ, just fucking Stop treating them like they're a legitimate political party and treat them like they are the enemy the fucking enemy Oh my god, all of a sudden she's the greatest thing ever Even after these motherfuckers said we can't stand her for almost four years

And I was supposed to believe she's a genius Whenever YouTube ad is her I have not seen a single Trump ad on YouTube Somebody ought to take out that fucking Google jerk off take them out for a ride I didn't mean visit I did you know you know I'm saying ooh something my eye What is that? Oh, it's a Google it's a letter anyhow yeah I just fucking I can't the fact that they they try to kill the other side they try to kill Trump if you guys had an ounce of sanity in you you Democrats after what this guy has survived while he was president since he was president trying to be thrown in jail shot at if you had an ounce of fucking integrity you'd go I'm giving him my vote even

though I hate him otherwise anything short of that you're fucking you're a Marxist in my opinion if you vote for this shit you know what it was all rigged 20 years ago by the fucking the Bilderberg group whoever the fuck you want to blame on it oh yeah yeah except for me they didn't put me in the plan I don't know why I was doing well back then got a couple I was flipping through YouTube last night my buddy Al Barbro showed up in Savannah and he used to come when I was like a year into comedy, two years into comedy. I found the clip of me, you guys go

on YouTube, you want to have a laugh? I have an Italian mullet that I don't remember having. I must have blacked it out of my mind like a child rape or something. Dude, my hair is down to here. I mean, is pitch black? I don't remember my hair being that black. Of course, I had an eight pounds of Crisco in it. And I'm wearing like a silk shirt buttoned to the top. But I was ripping the tits off the crowd at the Comedy Connection in Boston.

I remember the night, because they were filming me. And that tape got me working on the rope the next three years Go go Google it you'll laugh at me. I don't remember having that much of a fucking greasy Italian But you can hear the broads in the crowd because I was you know 18 25 whatever the fuck anyhow almost embarrassing, but I was ripping the tits off the car. I gotta admit Alright, let's get to it enough of jerking myself up Holly involved in a Big row r-o-w-e. Oh Holly row. No, that's not what I meant

You know Holly roll a fat blonde who looks like every black guys fucking wet dream She's actually good at a job out of all the woman that anyhow sorry Holly acting secret service director what did I tell you Dallas oh oh I'm Ted Knight reporting folks the two seconds into the story the first story the teleprompter shit the bed it's been shitting the bed for quite a while now on and off but I think it died today I hope it's been it's been like Biden it's just very old so I'm gonna use my crib notes I like to punch somebody right in the fucking head right now. Whoever invented Apple. I don't know.

That's Android, doesn't it? Oh, it's Android. How dare I? You're right. Fucking Android. Well, that explains everything. Why the fuck would we have Android anything? Anyways, let's go.

Senator Hawley involved in a Senate row. Acting Secret Service Director, Ronald Rowe, Jr Got into a heated exchange with senator very white Josh Hawley I like this guy when the Missouri Republican demanded to know why more Secret Service personnel have not been fired Of course when he asked mr. Rowe that who's the sitting in right now as the head of secret, sir. He said Mr. Roe that who's the sitting in right now as the head of secret sir he said Holly said I'll I think Holly appeared incredulous when Roe indicated that the people who made decisions about the security perimeter at former Trump's Pennsylvania rally and others involved with communications breakdown had not

yet lost their jobs what more do you need to investigate holly demanded i'd love i'd love when bureaucracy crashes head-on with common sense and you see what layers of bullshit we got to investigate everything's ongoing we got to invest it is it doesn't work anymore uh... he said that's the question What more do you need to fucking know? Roe protested that Hawley was asking him to make a rush judgment. It's been three weeks. Nobody's

been fired? He said yeah, that Roe said Hawley was asking him to make a rush judgment without thorough investigation of what happened. And let me translate that for you. Thorough investigation means let's get in the back room and figure out how we'd lie about this since we blew it. That's what that means. And yes, it was an inside job. I'll say that little day I fucking died, which is probably over two weeks from today the way I feel.

Let's take a look at Holly butting heads with the acting Secret Service head. Did not prima facie that somebody has failed? The former president was shot. Sir, this could have been our Texas school book depository. I have lost sleep over that for the last 17 days. Been fired somebody. I will tell you Senator that I will not rush to judgment that people will be held accountable. And I will do so with integrity and not rush to judgment, that people will be held accountable. Oh, what a politician. And I will do so with integrity

and not rush to judgment and put people unfairly persecuted. I can't believe that you are unfairly persecuted. Unfairly, sir. We've got people who are dead. We have to be able to have a proper investigation into this, Senator. You know, I fucking hate the way you make me fucking ride you.

Now get the fuck out of here That's exactly what he should have said Isn't that fucking great? Best show ever. Yeah, I mean seriously three weeks. Nobody's we're not asking you to tell us what happened even we know There was a failure. And you know who was working there that day. You know where the marching orders came. You know all that.

It is so typical, so typical of the left and their never-ending bullshit. They wouldn't even fire that twat. She'd still be head if somebody didn't, you know, speak up. She should have been fired 10 minutes after that happened. It's fucking insane to me. And we move on now, like, you know, luckily, like I said,

people in the background are going to let it go. But can imagine if this was the up to the media and the Dems that that assassination attempt would have happened next day they would have you wouldn't have heard another peep about it that's how fucking creepy they are anyways boy I feel like it's 1860 let's move on to black on white Dana white Bostonian boy who made good billionaire he's thin now huh yeah it's

amazing when you work 19 hour days you know i let guys get all women get heavy because you you work in 19 hour you know he doesn't sit down um dana white called bullshit on cnn and their d e i hire i put that inka Woman, about the ugliness of politics. This CNN person is upset that he's talking to in this interview about upset Kamala is being subjected to to name-calling, you know. Just listen to her logic and reasoning. CNN, how the fuck do they still exist? And just listen to her stupid questions. She actually thinks that, you know, they're being too rough on Kamala. She can't believe that. Anyways, good. Oh oh my god look what's being said about Kamala it goes both ways they're both saying it and like you said it's

already heated up and got nasty and like you said earlier it's only gonna get nastier that's politics it is what it is and it definitely goes both ways I don't know that it's going both ways to have the child this cat lady comment pause can you imagine trying to make that argument it doesn't go both ways only she's being picked on brings up JD Vance's quote what's that got to do with it what you're talking about Dana should have said just the facts man go ahead is that it I D I higher calling Jade is you think that vice president Kamala Harris is calling JD Vance a DEI hire? Who's calling jade? Is you think that Vice President Kamala Harris is calling JD Vance a DEI hire? Dana come on. What what does that even mean? Dana should go he

couldn't be a DEI hire. He's a white guy. That made no sense whatsoever. What is your qualifications to sit on national tv? Knee jerk reaction, fake smile. Dana's trying to be nice, wants to reach through the camera and snap her neck in a perfect world. Get her in a, you know, camora or whatever, snap that arm. And the other silly thing about the argument is Joe Biden picked her as a DEI hire. Remember he came out and said I'm only taking a black female. Imagine and she's upset because they're calling her a DEI hire. Can you fucking imagine? Just think about that for a sec. It's like black people get upset when

they say colored person but they want to be known as people of color. Honestly you guys are in you're insane. I call it linguistic bullying and it's just insane. And Dana White, of course, called the bullshit on it. Anyways. But either way, she's going to say other nasty stuff about both of them. It goes both ways. It goes both ways, just like Kamala used to when she lived in San Francisco as a single woman.

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Thank you for sponsoring the show, Pesty. Good stuff, easy stuff. Let's move on, shall we? Maduro trying to steal another one. And no, that's not like a shortstop for the Cardinals. Criticism of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro mounted Tuesday, a day after electoral authorities declared him the winner in a presidential election

that the opposition claims to have won by a landslide. Boy, this is going to sound familiar. Boy, if he doesn't look like a dictator, is that mandatory, the mustache? Yeah, Stalin's stash. Yeah, Stalin. Oh, you're right. That's exactly what it is. I was thinking Hussein. I mean, yeah, I was thinking Saddam.

But yes, that's what they... Good point. Or, again, a young Greek woman. Oh, Nick, come on. That's all. I know,. Or again, a young Greek woman. Oh, Nick, come on, that's all I know, but I still have to say it. Or Italian, I don't want to offend anybody out there who knows their food. Thousands of ardent opposition supporters gathered Tuesday

outside the United Nations offices in the capital, Caracas, to mark what they say was an electoral victory by opposition candidate Edmundo Gonzalez. Maduro's allies, meanwhile, appeared on national television to accuse opposition leaders of being fascists. Does this all sound familiar to you people at all? Opposition leader Maria Conrina Machado standing atop a truck in Caracas. You thought Trump had balls. Jesus, she's just asking to be spanked.

Standing atop a truck in Caracas called on the National Electoral Council, which is loyal to the ruling United States Socialist Party of Venezuela, to release the, why would you let them, oh my God, to release the voting tally sheets produced by every voting precinct after polls closed asking why don't you publish them? Sound familiar?

Nothing to see here, please disperse. They're not even releasing the- Nothing to see here, please. The only thing we are willing to negotiate is the peaceful transition Machado said as On TV Monday morning, Maduro claimed paid agitators assaulted electoral agency offices. We are familiar with this movie, and we know how to face these situations and how to defeat the violent. Shortly after the results of Sunday's election were announced,

opposition leader Maria Corina Machado said the opposition won 73.2% of the voting tallies. Okay. 73.2% of the voting tallies. um, Fred Mertz is there, next to Machado. I don't know. But can you imagine Maduro saying he won the fuck of that? You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. Machado and Gonzalez urged their supporters, thousands of whom protested across the country, mighty to remain calm and avoid violence. Again, sound familiar?

Their celebration came hours after the Organization of American States lambasted the National Electoral Council for not releasing the precinct level results. Maduro's closest allies came to his defense Tuesday. National Assembly President Jorge Rodriguez, who was also Maduro's chief negotiator in dialogues with the U.S. government and the opposition coalition insisted Maduro was the indisputable winner and described the opposition as violent fascists. Okay, so can we get past this whole everybody against you is a fascist? Fascist, fascist, fascist, fascist.

Oh no. Anybody that disagrees with you is a fascist. They will call me that in my second year in comedy, because I liked Reagan, whatever the fuck. Anyhow, oh, never, they will never come to power, Rodriguez said before clapping lawmakers. Venezuela has the world's largest proven crude reserves. Listen to this, this is where we're headed, folks. And once boasted Latin America's most advanced economy advanced economy but entered into freefall after maduro took the helm in twenty thirteen of course

plummeting oil prices widespread shortages and hyperinflation sound familiar that sword passed to a hundred and thirty thousand percent i can't even do the math sounds like the weimar Republic or whatever. That means you'd have to like a back up a truck of currency to get a pack of gum.

Like a Brinks truck. 130,000 percent led to social unrest and mass immigration. More than 7.7 million Venezuelans have left the country. I think they're all living in Sacramento. since 2014 the largest exodus in latin america in recent history bye bye what does that tell you you dickheads who are still voting democrat it doesn't work anywhere but it does work you would say because look it's only a few people that control all the people that's what we want keep voting democrat again folks you vote like me

I'm just saying anyways for those of you guys a mug club stick around for the second half of my show Everyone else go to Nick dip comm joined to get my full show Steven Crowder's full show and a whole lot more and while you're at Nick dip comm click on the tour button You'll see that very soon August 9th I'll be at the Jacksonville Center for the Performing Arts in Jacksonville, Florida the next night August 10th I will be at the gas south theater in Duluth, Georgia so I hope to see you guys out there and For those of you who are gonna stick around with a second half of the show

We'll be talking about another sanctuary city. Well, actually my former hometown fails bigly and turns out to be racist. Another trans woman controversy brewing at the Paris Olympics in boxing. Ha ha, where do you see these gals slash fellas, slash whatever the fuck they are Anyways stick around for that if you don't I don't know what to say to you You're gonna miss a whole bunch of shit. Hi. Good night everybody Wow! Wow!

Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man Thanks for watching!