The Nick DiPaolo Show - Self-Driving "Race" Cars #131

Episode Date: March 7, 2019

The Auto Industry's new Big Problem. Media Wises Up to Border Crisis. Will Smith Not Black Enough?  

Hear what happened because something happened. I went to the subway and got the order. During that time, I texted my manager thinking that he was still in Australia. Listen to me. I don't care. I kept walking and then I heard, f***ing empire n****s. I turned around and I said,

the f*** did you just say to me? I mean, I see the attacker. What color? A little pinky. This is a story you're making up me? I mean, I see the attacker. What color? Little pinky. This is a story you're making up in your own head. It's the truth. I don't believe you. How's that? You don't even want to see the truth. You have to understand something. I am unsympathetic to you. I'm sorry, but... Then what did you do? And then I look down and I see that there's a rope around my neck. Oh, yeah. It's Wednesday.

Coming to you live. We'll do it live. Okay. We'll do it live. Fuck it. Do it live. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy.

Yeah, baby. You know you want crazy motherfucking what, man? I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore! I'm not. You shouldn't either. How are you, folks? Welcome to the big show. 833-599-NICK. 833-599-6425. The phone number. Judge Judy, the only woman I would vote for for president today, had voted for her.

Hillary, you ought to take a lesson from Judge Judy, okay? She's real. See, she would have won in a landslide over Trump. She's not afraid to tell somebody when they're on the dole, hey, get off the dole. What do you do for work? Well, I'm not working right now. Why not? Well, I can suck off the government's tit for 10 minutes and they pay me to have kids. Why would I get off the couch and stop eating fucking Doritos and go out and bust my balls when the government will send me checks for doing otherwise? That makes you a lazy piece of shit.

Get out of my courtroom. Bang, pull the lever. Ding, dong, ding, ding. Lover. My favorite Brooklyn Jew. And she makes, what did she make last year? I don't know, a hundred million or something. She's more successful than Trump, for Christ's sake, making money. And gets right to the heart of the problem. Not afraid to hurt anybody's feelings. And bright as they come. Bernie, she would destroy you. Imagine Judge Judy versus AOC. Like the Patriots versus Marblehead High School. Anyways, I got a kick out of that. Jussie Smollett. You know, he may do 10 years. He could be doing 10 years. He actually did that mail hoax before the whole, you know, fake race attack. He mailed a letter to himself and hate mail and all that shit. And if they charge him with every kind, he'd do 10 years. I'm making a prediction right now. And you should

listen because I'm always right with this stuff. No, he's not going to do any time. is. I'm making a prediction right now. And you should listen because I'm always right with this stuff. No, he's not going to do any time. He's going to get probation. He's going to feed people at a shelter for about a year and he'll be fined. And then all the idiots in Hollywood, all the white libs and the black whitey haters will embrace him because somehow he's still a victim to them. Just like somehow the Mueller report, now doesn't matter. Trump is still a crook. When they have their minds made up, they have their minds made up. Hey, shout-outs to Dallas Bergman and Francis Wyatt

for making generous contributions to the Nick DiPaolo Show. If you want to do that, go to nickdip.com and contribute. Appreciate it. North Korea, Kim Jong fucking fat on. You can't trust these people. Let's be honest. Why don't you just admit it? You're thinking just what I'm thinking. Very Asian of him to be lying. What? Again, not at all. I just say that to get a rise out of you PC fucking jerk-offs that have ruined the world. North Korea has started rebuilding the facilities

it uses to launch satellites into orbit and test engines and other technologies for intercontinental ballistic missile programs, according to American military analysts and South Korean intelligence officials. I don't know if I believe them either. Son of a whore! I don't know.

I believe a South Korean before a North Korean, but even that I don't know if I believe them either. I don't know. I believe South Korean before North Korean, but even that I don't lay too much claim to. It could be a first sign that North Korea is preparing to end its moratorium on missile tests. Boy, Trump wasn't even home 10 minutes in a... North Korea began dismantling the Sohai satellite launching station in Tongchang Ri near its northwestern border with China last summer after Mr. Kim held his first meeting with Mr. Trump in June in Singapore. I believe Jussie Smollett before I believe this fat fuck with the shampooed haircut and the Hillary pantsuit right there.

He's looking at a menu from the Cheesecake Factory. How do I get a mac and cheese where Rob saw? Nick, why did he go for the ad hominem attacks? Because they're fun, all right? Lighten up. Anyways, the North did not completely dismantle the facilities. And when Mr. Kim met with President Moon Jae-in in South Korea in September, he offered to destroy them in the presence of American experts.

But that offer is now in doubt after Mr. Kim's meeting with Mr. Trump in Hanoi. Does anything ever end good in Vietnam? The Tet Offensive, it ended in Hanoi without an agreement on how to end the North's nuclear weapon and missile programs. It went right down the toilet. So what are you going to do? In Hanoi, Mr. Kim asked for the removal of punishing United Nations sanctions. Emphasis on punishing.

In return for dismantling of its Yongbyon. Have you had the Yongbyon? Oh, my aching stem. It's a little spicy. Dismantling its Yongbyon nuclear complex north of Pyongyang, the north's capital, as well as the Tongcheng reef facilities, which those are the most beautiful ones,

the Tongcheng reef facilities. You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that? Mr. Trump rejected the demand, calling the lifting of sanctions too high a price to pay for partial moves towards denuclearization. You want inspection? We inspect that, you butt-fucking piece of shit! That's the Kim Jong-un I know. Maybe we can send Rodman back over there, no? Rodman would do it, too, just to make Trump an old white

man look silly. Dennis should go over there and fucking give this fat idiot a handjob. Do what he has to do. The news rebuilding at Tong Changri first emerged hours after Kim returned home on Tuesday. Speaking to lawmakers behind closed doors

at South Korea's National Assembly on Tuesday, officials from its National Intelligence Service indicated that North Korea had been rebuilding the Tong Chang-ri facilities even before the Hanoi summit meeting. South Korean news media reported that on Wednesday. He's a lying piece of shit. We know that. You know what's ironic about this? How the left says they talk about Trump being the biggest liar in the world. You can't. It's so, you know, it's ironic about this, how the left says

they talk about Trump being the biggest liar in the world. You can't say that anymore, can you? Kenya. North Korea may have wanted to rebuild them. This is why they did it, they say, in order to make their dismantling more dramatic. If the Hanoi summit produced a deal with Trump, the intelligence officials was quoted as saying, or it may have wanted the option to resume rocket tests if the Hanoi talks broke down. So they're actually, they were thinking a couple steps ahead. But the thing is, they need us. They need Trump.

They need our money. Okay. They need us they need trump they need our money okay they need us badly but remember he's a born liar he kills his relatives when he doesn't like their decisions okay he dips people in acid he hits them with mortar rockets he doesn't line them up against and shoot them with machine guns he actually uses mortars to kill people. So don't be too surprised and count your blessings that Hillary wasn't over there or an Obama, some other lib jack off who to just, you know, fucking, yeah, not bad. We have a, we have an Iranian deal similar to this. Yes, we'll go with it. Thank God you had a fucking adult in the room, even though some he acts like a child. I know North Korea has not conducted any nuclear missile tests since November 2017.

As I say that, there's a missile heading over my house from Kim Jong-un's kitchen right now. Speaking at a news conference in Hanoi last week, Mr. Trump said Mr. Kim is a chubby little slant-eyed cocksucker. He's lucky I didn't drop kick. What kind of talk is that for a president? One I'd vote for. Mr. Trump said Mr. Kim had promised not to resume nuclear or missile tests. Later, the U.S. canceled two large-scale joint military exercises with South Korea to help support Mr. Trump's diplomacy with the fat little fuck. Reports published Tuesday on the rebuilding at Tongchangri were based on satellite images obtained Saturday by analysts.

But analysts said that the work could have been begun as early as mid-February. Based on commercial satellite imagery, efforts to rebuild these structures started sometime between February 16th and March 2nd. They were doing this shit as he was shaking hands with Trump going, yes, we have deal. Oh, my aching stem. Beyond, don't they understand that we have satellites and technology other than the shit they steal? And we can watch Kim Jong-un take a nice runny dump after he eats American ham. We have that type of technology.

We have microphones that can hear a fucking butterfly fart in Egypt does he know that? ah stupid commercial satellite imagery acquired on March 2nd yeah shows that North Korea is pursuing a rapid rebuilding of the long range rocket site

the renewed activity may indicate North Korean plans to demonstrate resolve after the Hanoi summit, it said. Yeah. Bye-bye. Can't trust him. Can't trust him. You can't trust him.

I'm talking about the president. You can't trust. No. The president of North Korea I'm talking about. You know, the average North Korean weighs six grams? Well, Kim Jong-un eats that much in caviar, that fat fuck. We are the most benevolent superpower ever. Do you understand?

That's the only reason that North Korea still exists, or Iran, or Iraq. For all this, oh, the police, the Americans are the bullies of the world. Do you understand? We're the most benevolent superpower ever. We could crush all these people like a bug, but we don't because we're good people, regardless of what Pelosi says and Bernie Sanders and Ocasio-Cortez and Dick fucking Durbin and Chuck Schumer and Gerald fucking Nadler and Hillary Clinton

and a rapey husband. Regardless, best country ever. Let's go to John in San Diego. He'd like to weigh in on the North Korea summit. Apparently he was there. He had luxury boxes at the meetings.

John, what's going on, pal? Just here, just listening to you, man. But this whole North Korea stuff, you know, it gets crazy because, you know, you got the Dems over here just straight up undermining Trump's power, you know? And North Korea is like old school, hardcore, you know, like, Hey, look, the leader is getting punked by his own inner, you know, troubles. So they're going to, they're going to do whatever North Korea does. Yes. Well, you make a good point. They, they do know. And that goes for every country in this North, not North Korea,

even legitimate allies of us look over there and go and look, Trump's being porked in the ass by people in his own party, not just the Democrat party. So you make a good point. But in the end, Trump is, let me tell you something, John, the way these Dems are, you know, Ocasio-Cortez and Bernie, and they move to the far left and the Green New Deal and all that shit, Trump is going to crush in 2020 if this keeps up. And if it doesn't keeps up, that's going to be a lot of infighting amongst the Democrats. And then other countries can look at Trump and say, oh, you know what?

His opposition party, the Democrats, look like assholes. They're in a real circle jerk. That's going to happen if they keep letting like Ocasio-Cortez be the face of the party and stuff. And it's going to be fun, man. I hope Trump gets that 2020. I think he's going to, dude. If the Dems keep you, you can't run on we hate Trump.

And that's all they got. People are sick of it. You know who's sick of it? Independents sitting on the fence. They're like, okay. I am an independent, you know. Yes. I'm an independent.

And I voted for Trump because Bernie fucking sold out. So you originally fell for Bernie's horse shit, John? Yeah, I did. I did. I'm in California, bro. I'm in, you know, I'm like, yeah, fuck yeah. And then all of a sudden I saw Bernie get, you know, get straight up punked for the seat. And I was like, if that dude can't even attack his own party,

how the fuck is he going to, you know, do the whole nation? He can't do the whole nation. Let me school you, John, okay? What Bernie stands for could never happen in this country. Democratic, socialist, communist, whatever you want to call them. We don't have the money

to give everybody fucking free college tuition, every insurance. We don't have the money to give everybody fucking free college tuition, insurance. We don't have it. It's just mathematics. So I'm glad you woke up and smelled the coffee. Fuck Bernie Sanders and Ocasio-Cortez and everybody that thinks like him. Thank you for the call and call back, Johnny boy. Oh, even

John, who's semi-intelligent, I thought until I heard, yeah, Bernie didn't fucking... Oh my God. What do you people... Please, point to... John, who's semi-intelligent, I thought until I heard, yeah, Bernie didn't fucking, oh my God. What do you people, please point to, we have Venezuela, what's going on in Venezuela as a backdrop to this conversation? Will you point to me somewhere where socialism has ever fucking worked? Look at the UK.

It's not officially socialist, but it's society is. Look at it. People are getting stabbed in the ass when they go out for a cup of coffee because of their Muslim mayor. You really think you can give out all free shit? We're already trillions of dollars in debt. What are you? It's not fake, you know.

It could collapse. And I know damn well it's gone up under Trump too. And fucking one of the things I hate about the fucking stupid Republicans. But don't fall for this. Everybody's going to get free tuition and health care and hand jobs and chocolate Easter bunnies. Will you fucking wake up and do some math? Let me just say this. Free health care. We're the only industrial nation. When someone gets sick, if you get cancer, it could bankrupt you. When someone gets sick, if you get cancer, it could bankrupt you.

And are you really buying that? Are you really buying that? They always point to little tiny Western European nations. Well, look at Sweden. Yeah, they get taxed at 98% and 200% of the people are on the dole. In a country with 11 people. So will you cut the shit? That's how I show off my tie. Let me just say this.

A couple of girls were finger popped. In my campaign, I was out busy making the case for finger popping. As you know, I did a lot of finger popping up in the Burlington area. When I moved up there. They'd never seen a Jew before and I gave out free Ben and Jerry's and a tit grab with every cup. Fucking, we have to keep Ocasio.

I did an interview with a Daily Caller today. Somebody called me and they said to me, why do you think comics and comedians and SNL, and I thought it was a rhetorical question, you know why do you think comics and comedians and SNL? And I thought it was a rhetorical question.

You know, comedy like SNL and Kimmel and they don't go after Ocasio-Cortez. Number one, they're on the same team. Number two, and a very enlightened point that I came up, I might have said it yesterday on the show. Because she's an empowered young woman with progressive values. Everything the Democrat Party sees, you really think Pelosi or older people in the Democrat Party are going to go, we got to shut her up? No, then they'll be labeled misogynist and part of the old white boy network. That's why they can't tell her to shut up. It goes against everything they preach. Strong women, women in the workplace, women doing shit, changing the fucking world. Pelosi comes out, shut your yap,

you little dumb cunt. Then she's gone. That's why, and I hope somebody hears this. I'm making points before these shows you watch tonight make points. Same reason nobody talks about why everybody hates Trump. He's a white alpha male billionaire with blonde hair and blue eyes, and he's in his 70s. That's why they hate him. They're everything they're trying to get rid of in this country. I should say he is everything they're trying to get rid of. He embodies the devil. Why do they hate him so much?

Nobody, even the Hannity's, the fucking you know all the fathers right don't don't have the balls to they'll go right up to the edge even if it's uh Gutfeld and Fox News or Jesse Watt they go right up to the edge of the conversation and the next step would actually you'd make progress and come to a still but they can't go near that race thing it's such a hot rod thing that's why this show is here ladies and and gentlemen. What do I have to lose? A $12 shirt, $8 necktie, kicked out of my own house? Let's hope so. Ryan sits there in a fucking Adderall coma. Ryan? Is that right? Is it Ryan? Is that my name? I forgot your name. Ever take a fucking nap and wake up and you feel 40 times worse?

I just fell asleep on the couch. I woke up. I could kick a premature baby in the stomach and go back to sleep. My name, Jeff. I'm going to call you Jeff. Jeff the Jizz Gobbler. Anyway, self-driving cars may be likely to hit black people and white people. Jesus Christ.

Even, does anybody hit black people and white people. Jesus Christ. Even, does anybody like black people? Even self-driving cars are racist? That's unfair. That's what it says. Self-driving cars may be likely to hit black people and white people. Now we have racist automobiles, apparently. Fucking. This one tickled my funny bone.

If you're a person with dark skin, that could be me, for Christ's sake. I'm as dark as fucking Will Smith. He's not dark enough to play the Williams sister's dad. Neither am I. Oh, too much makeup on. Priscilla, way too much. Look pasty and pudgy and fucking... Give me that Hillary mask.

Do we have that in the other room? Relax. Ryan had it on before running around the house in my wife's pantsuit. If you're a person with dark skin, you may be more likely than your white friends to get hit by a self-driving car. How about a white self-hating driving car? According to a new study out of the Georgia Institute of Technology, that sounds wrong, that they have an Institute of Technology in Georgia. That doesn't even sound right. Massachusetts, I mean. Institute of Technology

in Georgia. Well, I don't know why the self-driving cars don't like them people. Run over a couple of colored guys yesterday. I don't know what the fuck's going on. I think it's the algorithms. That's

the Georgia Institute of Technology. That's hilarious. You have to get a D plus in algebra to get in there. That's because Georgia Institute of Technology. That's hilarious. You have to get a D plus in algebra to get in there. That's because automated vehicles may be better at detecting pedestrians with lighter skin tones. No, that's not why. How about it's because black people cross against the light? Oh, my God. That was so goddamn funny. Right now, somebody's shitting their pants at home going, oh, my God.

You want to be a remember? I know what you did. You're a damn pervert. God, that was so goddamn funny. Right now, somebody's shitting their pants at home going, Oh, my God. Look out the way! The researchers then analyzed how often the models correctly detected the presence of people in the light-skinned group versus how often they got it right when the people in the dark-skinned group. What the fuck? This still is self-driving. One of the OJs just got hit mailing a letter. Listen to this.

mailing a letter. Listen to this. The result, detection was five percentage points less accurate on average for the dark skin group. These are racist cars. The main takeaway from our work is that vision systems

that share common structures to the ones we tested should be looked at more closely unless you really don't like people of color, said Jamie Morgenstern. I added the part about the people of color. Jamie Morgenstern wouldn't have the balls to make that joke because he's working for the man. He was one of the authors of the study.

The report, Predictive Inequity in Object Detection, that was my thesis, by the way, in college, should be taken with a grain of salt. First of all, that's racist. People of color have, you know, high blood pressure. It didn't test any object detection models actually being used by self-driving cars, nor did it leverage any training data sets actually being used by autonomous vehicle manufacturers. Instead, it tested several models used by academic researchers trained on publicly available data sets.

The researchers had to do it this way because companies don't make their data available for scrutiny. Well, then go to the NSA or fucking Verizon or whoever's collecting all our shit. Go to Google. They have all this information. Make it all the information. Am I correct? Am I right? You're correct.

Yeah. Hmm. That doesn't mean the study isn't valuable as Kate Crawford a woman with nice tits a co-director of the El Nile Research Institute who was not involved in the study put it on Twitter in an ideal world academics would be testing the actual models

and training sets used by autonomous car manufacturers well thanks for making that point sweetheart that I made in the first paragraph. If you were here, I'd grab your buttocks and be sued for hashtag me douche. The study's insights add to a growing body of evidence about how human bias seeps into our automated decision-making. Here it comes. Here it comes.

Just like the SAT tests are unfair because our white culture seeps into the questions. And here it comes. Open your ass cheeks. Grease it up nice. Here comes that big black cock of pain. The study's insights add to a growing body of evidence about how human bias, they mean white human bias, seeps into our automated decision-making systems. It's called algorithmic bias. Oh, my God. We have the fucking algorithms are racist, which are created by white guys.

Oh, I know. Black people do algorithms, too. It's Asians and Indians. You know that. The most famous example, listen to this, came to light in 2015 when Google's image recognition system labeled African Americans as gorillas.

What? The fuck is that? Is that? That's not right. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. I do remember hearing about that, though. And some other, in the search the search engine google if you put in

what was it jason you must know this if you put in black like crime pops up or i forget it was something they were furious about and uh rightly or wrongly so i'll let you decide i'm just reporting similarly the authors of the self-driving car study note that a couple of factors are likely fueling the disparity in their case. First, the object detection models had mostly been trained on examples of light-skinned pedestrians. What were they supposed to go downtown Detroit at midnight and test these self-driving? They would get stolen. Nick, that's ridiculous. I know. Second, the models didn't place enough weight on learning from the few examples of dark-skinned people that they did have.

More heavily, weighting that sample and the training data can help correct the bias. Listen, here it comes for the PC part. As for the broader problem of algorithmic bias, there are a couple of commonly proposed solutions. Replace these white researchers with 70% of the Detroit Pistons. That'll give it a little diversity in the... This is how they're going to fix this built-in bias.

One is to make sure teams developing new technologies are racially diverse. Let me translate that for you. Less white people doing research. That's all that's saying. Anytime you hear the diverse... If all team members are white male or both sorry we're bright it may not me i'm italian um it may not occur to them to

check how their algorithmic handles an image of a black woman but if there's a black woman in the room who wrote this sharpton okay you can here, look here, writer, algorithm. That's not what I said, Mr. O'Reilly. What I said was, you put a black woman in the room, and these white old crackers will be reminded to work in black-skinned people and their algorithms. But if there's a black woman in the room, it will probably occur to the researchers to include them. Oh my gosh.

You fat, nasty, black bitch. Oh my God. Does it ever end? Does it ever? There's a reason it's not that diverse. There's a reason when you look into a research facility, whether it's Georgia Institute of Technology

or the fucking Nashville Institute of Technology, that there's a bunch of Asians and Indians in there and a few whites sprinkled in. I hate to break this to you. Some races are smarter than others. It's actually factual. This actual data, it's empirical evidence. And what is it? There's a certain kind of Jewish people, the Zosky something Jews. They are at the fucking top.

And then the Asians and the fucking whites come in like third. Ryan, could you look any more bored? Yes. What a punk. Anyways, let's diversify. Again, these cars are going to continue to run over black people until these research teams look like the fucking Alabama defensive line. That's what I gather from this. So the Google thing was it had an image recognition algorithm that auto tagged

black people with the word gorilla i'm not talking about that there was something else when you put in the search engine like car theft black people came or something like that it was something that blatant that even i was shocked at you know priscilla might know if you get on the walkie tie i don't know but it was something like that. It was worse than that. But that all sounds like a plan to, you know, diversify. And let's call it affirmative action, too. Now we're working on high tech companies. But it is kind of funny that the fucking cars are running over people because they can't.

By the way, I hate the idea of self-driving cars. I love, driving is one of the pleasures I get in life. I actually enjoy it. I'm very good at it. Drunk or sober. I was Richard Petty in high school. I broke the sound barrier on Route 128 on the North Shore of Massachusetts.

Going backwards out of a Burger King parking lot. Here we go. We're going to go to Kurt in Fort Worth. Wants to talk about these self-driving cars. Kurt, how are you? Welcome to the show. I'm doing good, Nick. Hey, you got me laughing there about your breaking the sound barrier.

I blew the tranny in my vet the other day, and it's an old classic vet. I blew the tranny. I had to come home and reverse. You should have seen the looks of it. Now, what's it cost to blow a tranny? It was $50 in Sunset Boulevard a few years ago. Yeah, right, right. And now we're looking at, I don't know,

$1,200 for a completely rebuilt tranny truck or whatever. Okay. But hey, is this true about the self-driving cars running over black people disproportionately? That's according to research from these companies, yes. Well, first of all, you've got to have the Inspector General do an investigation and then what he's going to find out is if you're black wear glowing clothes at night when you're walking

around well i believe they already do that you already got the shoes of the light up you already got the shoes of light up why don't you get a a jacket that looks like a rhinestone cowboy what they're saying is the people who designed the algorithms and the software are white people and their bias is built in. But the truth of it is, at the beginning of the article, it says it doesn't detect it because it's just it's easy to see a light skinned person than a dark skinned. It makes perfect sense. But because we live in a world of hypersensitivity when it comes to race, automatically, you know, racism is thrown into the mix. And the only way to fix the problem, again, is to hide the Harlem Globetrotters. And do we need a whole convention of scientists to figure this out is my point, Nick. Are we getting retarded or something?

What's going on? I guess we do. I mean, this is deep shit, but I don't, let me ask you this, Kurt. You're a Texas guy. Don't you love driving? You don't let me ask you this kurt you're a texas guy don't you love driving you don't want to fucking right you you like the don't you like driving well that's why that's why i restored my vet i like to drive around in it and then you know i have people go hey that's a nice looking car you got there i go thanks man and you go thanks i don't want to i don't want to sit in the back seat of a fucking robot car, man. Are you kidding me?

Me either. Unless that robot car is going to give me a handjob. I have no use for that type of shit. But good call, Kurt. And good luck with the Corvette. You sound like you're in a midlife crisis. He blew the fucking engine off. Racist cars, racist cars.

By the way, this show brought to you by Nissan, the official car of the angry minority. Apparently that's true all over the United States because I said it about New York and I was getting fucking emails and shit, people laughing their balls off from almost every state in the country. So it rang a bell.

Real quick, dates I want to give you. Come out and see me this Friday night, March 8th, Wood Theater, Glens Falls, New York. Friday, March 29th, Decatur Civic Center, Decatur, Illinois. The next night, March 30th, Del Mar Hall in St. Louis, Missouri. Friday, April 26th, Steel Stacks,

Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Friday and Saturday, May 3 and 4, Sidesmar Hall in St. Louis, Missouri. Friday, April 26th, Steel Stacks, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Friday and Saturday, May 3 and 4, Sidesplitters in Tampa. Friday and Saturday, May 10th and 11, Governor's Levittown. Friday, May 31st, Jonathan's in Agunquit, Maine. Saturday, June 1, Whites of Westport, Westport, Mass. Saturday, August 10th, Newtown Theater, Newtown, Pennsylvania. Friday and Saturday, August 16th and 17th, in the very humid city of Philadelphia, Helium Comedy Club. Saturday, October 19th, Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut. Friday, November 15th, the Cortland Repertory Theater, Cortland, New York. The New Year's Eve back at the Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown, New York.

NickDip.com for ticket information. for tech information. Let's go to our Andrew in West Virginia. Almost heaven, West Virginia, Blue Ridge Mountain, Shenandoah River, Life is older, older than the trees. Something like that. John Denver,

a fucking great song. That is a great song. Great fucking song. I fucking love John Denver and I would have loved to have seen the look on his face when he was in that glider heading towards the mountain.

But anyways. Yeah, so I guess what I was calling about is why would a business waste money in their research and development department on whether their product is racist? I mean, I don't understand. And besides, self-driving cars, they're going to be mostly driven in the city. Like here out in West Virginia, people will look at the fucking self-driving car and use it as fucking firewood.

So it's like, well, yeah, you're going to hit more black people in the city than out in the country. Like, I just don't understand why business would be so stupid to spend money on. Well, no, what happened is that in the research and development. Well, no, it was it was a function of putting those self-driving cars out there. And yeah, because like I said, we live in a hypersensitive society. So I don't know. i don't know i don't know the answer to that but you know they're slapping racism on it but it's it just like i said it's more like physics or whatever it would be harder to cease to detect something that's

darker than it's really has nothing to do with with uh algorithms and and seeped in bias from white people doing the i i and, I don't have an answer. But I think those self-driving cars in West Virginia, you guys, I think you'd like those. You'd be fucking in the backseat while they're driving around at you. Well, anyway, the potholes out here are ridiculous. Okay, so your dick pops out of her mouth. It doesn't matter if you're driving or not.

Anyways. All right, man. Good talking to you. All right, Andrew. Take care, buddy. Love West Virginia. Good football. Almost heaven, West Virginia

Blue-ridden mountains Shining over a hill Life is older Older than the tree Younger than the mountains Blowing like a breeze Country road Take me home

To a place Where I belong Downtown Atlanta Motherfucker Too close Orgasm gap Oh, to close I've had two cups of coffee

I can't even focus To close orgasm gap, the National Film Board launches game to teach people about the clitoris. Apparently the clitoris has been ignored. I have gear. I have things to say. Pretty well everyone knows what a penis looks like.

Why are you guys assuming that? Whether in the flesh, in the forms of sex toys, or from depictions scrawled on the walls of public washrooms, but a woman's a clitoris or clitoris. You can put the accent every way you want. I like to put it on the hood of the clit. What are they talking about? I've seen clits drawn on bathroom walls, and I have a rubber clit I bought in high school.

Remember Papil's Pocket Fisherman? You got a free clit when you ordered the fishing rod. Enter the National Film Board of Canada, which on Monday launched an interactive game for mobile devices that takes a playful, informative approach to female sexual satisfaction and the role of the clitoris. Isn't it enough you get free dinner,

for Christ's sake, on a date? Can't the guy get a nut off after buying you a lobster? Isn't that a fair trade-off? Find your own clit if you know where it is. I found my wife's in the attic behind an old suitcase. I found my wife's in the attic behind an old suitcase. Called Clip Me, which was my nickname in high school,

the five-minute game was developed in collaboration with eight students from the University of Quebec in Montreal as part of an eight-week internship program at the NFB's digital studio in Montreal. Too much information. I hate these fucking articles. Under the direction of NFB executive digital studio in Montreal. Too much information. I hate these fucking articles. Under the direction of NFB executive producer Hugo Sweeney, the interns were each asked to come up with an idea for an interactive project.

The one that resonated most with a group of seven females and one male. Gee, that seems a little skewed. I mean, it's the guys who have to fucking learn this. Why you only have one of them? It was looking at a woman's sexual health, specifically women's sexual satisfaction. Just one more thing to add to the learn this. Why you only have one of them? It was looking at a woman's sexual health, specifically women's sexual satisfaction. Just one more thing to add to the whining.

Here's the video they put together. So grab your gel. What the fuck is that? A snowbank? Can we pause it? That's what a clit looks like? I've been way off. I haven't seen anything like that.

I should be looking for calamari when I'm down there? It's a fucking squid that hasn't shaved its legs. I have yet to see anything like that in the vag. I must be way off. Where is that? Up behind her appendix? That just looks like a piece of fresh moots melting. Go ahead. Now it's aging. What? Hold on. Pause. That's what happens when they have an orgasm? You get Rotelli fight at your face? The fucking vagina just threw up a pound of pasta. I don't know if they want to find that button. Go ahead.

That's the music I hear when I'm looking for a clit. I do it with a metal detector on the beach. It's very... Because, you know, girls pass their clits. You get a metal detector, you go on the beach, you'll get sucked into a bikini in three seconds. Am I right, Ryan? You are correct, yeah.

You are correct, sir. During the research on the subject, the interns came across references to the orgasm gap. I know right where that is. It's between my tank and my bag. Between males and females. For instance, a 2014 study showed that when having sex for the first time with a new partner, 85% of men reach climax. Some of those serial killers with dead hookers. But that was true for only 62 percent of heterosexual women. Well, that's your problem. And 75

percent of lesbians. I didn't even have to read the rest. You know why? The lesbians are higher. Right? Because a woman going down on a woman knows where her shit is. That and she's seen this clip me video hundreds of times. It was

between this and Green Book for Best Picture, I believe. But that's true, right? A woman going down on a woman, they know their, just, they know their parts better. You know what I mean? Just like you grab a Japanese guy,

you throw him in a foot, he's going to have trouble. Put him in a fucking, uh, what do you call it, a Camry. He knows right where everything's. How is that a clit, though? It's fucking bananas gone bad. Anyways, we went

from that, and we thought that it might be because the clitoris is not sort of well-known. You know why? Because it has the same PR person as I do. Kevin Katz. I guarantee you this clit has more followers on Instagram than I do. The organ's only purpose is pleasure. Welcome to my world.

We learned a lot of stuff because the clitoris doesn't actually look like what we think it does. The players begin by customizing their avatar because the clitoris doesn't actually look like what we think it does, phrased in note, and yet the players begin by customizing their avatar because every clitoris is unique. Yeah, you're right, they all... Come on, I've seen enough in my time. I'd have a better time recognizing a clit that I know

than picking out a black player on the fucking Chiefs. organizing a clip that I know than picking out a black player on the fucking chiefs. Using tactile movements on the screen, the play is aimed to satisfy the avatar with different techniques to unlock content and statistics on female sexual satisfaction. Moving through five different levels, the spoiler alert, it ends with an orgasm. Wow, baby. with an orgasm. Well, baby, me so horny. Me so horny. Me so horny.

Listen to this. Here's a few more facts about this. Most men don't know the difference. This was in the Sun paper. The difference between the vagina and the vulva. The survey conducted by the Eve Appeal for Gynecological Cancer Awareness Month. Oh, they're going to bring cancer into this? It's a fun article.

Also asked 1,000 men to label the vagina on a diagram of vagina, vulva, cervix, ovaries, and the fallopian tubes. Only 500 correctly labeled the vagina. Who did you ask? The cast of Hamilton? Or Rent?

Bring that same chart into a goddamn NFL locker room. They'll be 100% right. I think fucking, you know, didn't Brian Urlacher, he had a jar of them in his locker. Popped them off with a can opener. That's gross. I gotta be honest with you. I didn't know this was the actual vagina proper. It's the muscular tube inside the That's gross. I'm going to be honest with you. I didn't know this was the actual vagina

proper. It's the muscular tube inside the woman's body where sexual intercourse takes place. A fucking tube. Hmm. I must have been going out with some big girls when I was single because I didn't find any tubes. I found built-in pools.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Does that feel good, good, good, good? No. However, many believe that the vulva is a flower in front of your house in May. It is not. It's a fucking high sedan car, a luxury car. It is not. It's a fucking high sedan car, a luxury car. Many believe that the vulva, the external female sexual organs comprising the labia and clitoris, among other parts, is in fact the vagina. Say that again? Now they're confusing me. I had it down pat by seventh grade. However, many men believe that the vulva, the external female sexual organs comprising, that's the lips, or we call them piss flaps or meat curtains, comprising the labia and the clitoris.

That makes up the vulva. Men can play a vital role in identifying the symptoms of gynecological cancer. Really? I'm just down there trying to have some lunch and get some pleasure. I'm going to get blamed if the broad comes up with vagina cancer. Well, you were down there for three minutes and you didn't find anything? It was dark. I had a miner's helmet on and a clothespin on my nose.

How the hell was I going to detect cancer? They have dogs to do that. Get that cat. You know that cat, that famous cat that they bring to hospitals where people are dying and the cat will sit on the person. Two hours later, the person died. Remember that story?

We both came up with the same joke, me and a guy who's a very funny comic about Sam. Maybe they were allergic to the fucking cat. But I mean, get one of those. I'm not going to make some gross tuna joke. funny comic about saying maybe that they were allergic to the fucking uh the cat but i mean uh get one of those i'm not gonna make some gross tuna joke i'm not a child ryan i'm in the middle of a bit have some fucking feelings will you shut it what i'm smiling you look like you lean towards the mic like you were gonna say something did you not, Senator?

I'm just waiting for... Yeah, exactly. Wait some more. You just broke up the rhythm. I'm going to tan your bottom with a fucking wiffle ball bat. Now we have to detect. It's not enough you've got to get a girl off. You've got to fucking find out that she might have cancer down there. Does it taste like an old quarter pounder? Help me out, somebody.

They're gonna put that on us now. Here's some of the signs of cancer. Abnormal bleeding, discharge, pelvic pain, bloating, and need to urinate more often. I think I have pussy cancer. I have all those.

I have all those. I'm not kidding. They also found that 10% of men are confident they could identify the other half's privates in a lineup. In other words, they could pick out their wife or their girlfriends. Only 10% were confident they could do that, pick out their other half's private parts and line up. That would be easy for me because the wife has a tattoo property of Nick DiPaolo.

It's like a University of Tennessee football shirt. They also found that only 10% of men are confident, but they said just one in five men thought his partner's lady garden attractive. Lady garden is more offensive than the term bush. I'm just the opposite. I do not want to see a shaved beaver. Not that it matters to me anymore. But when I was single, I didn't

want to see that. You know what I mean? I don't need a pair of those wax lips. I'm sorry, Jason. Is this too fucking lowbrow for you? Fucking Faulkner lover. I'm just a prude, that's all. You really are. You're a Westchester fucking prude

Dora, get on the phone I'd like to talk about your Lady Garden Hey everybody Excuse me Twitter critics Will Smith's skin is too light for this biopic. Can we just get rid of Twitter?

It really is just a fucking cesspool. I've been saying it forever. Nobody on there deserves a voice, even myself, just Norm Macdonald. The fucking stupidity in the comment. And I'm not saying this jokingly. I don't know how they know how to use Twitter when I read some of their fucking logic. I don't know how they're smart enough to use Twitter.

Not saying it tongue-in-cheek. Yes, Ryan? Oh, I thought you were... Somebody has to put him in fucking straps. I was going to say we got some super chats. Go ahead, before I start this Will Smith story. So the real bambunga dropped uh 100 real bambunga thank you so much we mentioned the three-figure drops thank you

and he says supposedly sales on the new self-driving porsche monkey are not up to par not funny racist joke but I'll take your money anyways Brian says, Nick, you're on fire tonight You funny bastard, keep it up Enter Bluetooth joke here Brian, what do you mean tonight? That's what they call a backhanded compliment I give a thousand percent every night Like Springsteen

Or like fucking the Bee Gees in their heyday Or like Bill Cosby In the, uh Something I don't know Like fucking the Bee Gees in their heyday or like Bill Cosby in the – something. I don't know. We got Mike Rossi again. I was talking stick face. Go ahead. Mike Rossi says, can you give us an update time-wise when your special will be available?

No, I can't, Mike. You're on a need-to-know basis. Thank you for the pens. Seriously, I use them every day. No, I can't, Mike. You're on a need-to-know basis. Thank you for the pens. Seriously, I use them every day. No, they're editing right now. I haven't seen any of the raw footage of anything. Right after the special, I got to see like, you know, a minute or two. And so, but they're putting a nice raw version together for me to see as we speak.

They've been working on it for like a week. So it shouldn't be long, Mike. And I can't fucking wait. I can't wait to disappoint myself again. We got Patrick Doerr saying, Nick, I will see you Friday night, my friend. You are the best birthday gift for me ever. Oh, that's up at the Repertory Theater in Glens Falls, New York. Happy birthday to you. Hope you bring a nice dark-skinned hooker with one leg and a glass eye slightly vintage says you are a cad and a boar and i couldn't love you more it is my birthday and i'm happy to spend part of my day listening to you a cad and a boar and your mother is a whore happy birthday i hope you don't have any more. How's that for poetry?

Cadnavore. And the last one is Tracy who didn't say anything. Boy or girl. She just gave a super chat but didn't write anything down. So how do you know? She just put money down. All right, Tracy. I'll take it. Papa needs a brand new bag of fucking heroin.

Gaba, gaba, go. Can I have some? Yeah, you can. I'll shoot it right between your toes so much that you'll be dead in three minutes. Anyways, back to the show. Twitter critics, Will Smith's skin is too light for this biopic. Will Smith can play a blue-skinned genie in Aladdin. That would be animation, so that's irrelevant to the conversation.

Stupid crack by Raquel Laneri, who wrote the fucking article. Wonder why men run the planet. But don't ask him to play somebody too black. Is he saying he's too fucking light-skinned? I don't understand the article. The Oscar-nominated actor has faced backlash after Deadline reported that he will be playing Venus in Serena Williams' Dad, who's really a black, black guy. He's the type of black guy I would have voted for, I told you.

Not Obama, who's a bi-racist. Like, I always say the guy from Good Times, John Amos, I would have voted for as president. But I'm having a little trouble with the article but don't ask him to play somebody too black oh i okay they're going back to the backlash on twitter i guess like anybody gives a fuck but another the point is he's too light-skinned to play as venus and serena williams dad who's a very black fella in the biopic called king richard the problem the former fresh prince is apparently too fair to play the dark, huge tennis coach.

Can you imagine we're even talking about this according to social media watchdogs? Will Smith is about to be the Scarlett Johansson of black movies, tweeted one critic who thought she was funny and then died of cancer of the funny bone, referencing how the white actress played an Asian character in the doomed live action remake of the anime ghost in the shell never mind that smith himself is african-american oh so he's the victim in this story too i can't fucking take this shit y'all apparently not black enough other commenters have likened the incident to the light-skinned black actress Zoe Saldana having to wear blackface makeup to play Ebony Jazz musician Nina Simone in the film. Oh, yeah, the well-known film, fucking Nina.

I got an idea. I have a solution, okay? Will Smith is too light-skinned. I found the perfect guy to play the William's sister's dad. It's this guy. And there he is. Governor Northrum on the left with his agent from William Morris. Problem solved.

You're welcome. But why is it? Why? It's so emotional based, the Twitter fucking shit, that I can't even follow it because there is no logic. Richard Williams isn't as recognizable as Simone, an icon of works and appearances where defiantly political and called attention to her blackness, yet the rumored casting seems to have touched a nerve.

Perhaps because darker skinned black actors have had more difficulty, Rumored casting seems to have touched a nerve, perhaps because darker skinned black actors have had more difficulty. Wah, wah, snagging leading roles than lighter ones. Yeah, I'm not I'm not getting the argument. Does Will Smith, he wants to play the role. And there's people saying what is it other black people say? No, man, you ain't. It is right, Ryan.

Yes, correct. Why don't you? It is, right, Ryan? Yes, correct. Why don't you put that in the article, Raquel? You're fucking dancing around it. They're in the balls to address it. It's other black people saying, you ain't fucking dark enough, man. And that shit goes on in urban high schools. Light-skinned black kids get the shit kicked out of them for being light-skinned. So tell me again how it's toxic white male masculinity.

Am I correct, sir? You are correct, sir. Yeah, correct. Yeah. I was a little slow on the uptake. She danced around it like I would a clit. Colors of Madness tweeted Clarence Hill Jr. Love Will Smith, but there are black actors for this role. colorism matters

tweeted Clarence Hill Jr. love Will Smith but there are black actors for this role other black actors you guys aren't too obsessed with your own skin color so funny whites are known as racist black people that's all you again not all he is there's about 6 he is who don't pay attention to it

man just get a... What does it matter? It was alright for the cast of Hamilton. It was alright to cast a bunch of black people depicting white founding fathers. Nobody had a problem with that. How about fucking Annie?

There's been plenty of remakes. Annie? Look at Annie. We had the play Annie. It was about a little white orphan. Now it's Annie, get your glock. Yes, I know Annie and Annie get you down with two different shows. But come on. Don't call her Annie.

Change the name of it to Aisha if you want to get that touchy about it. Look at the dog going. The dog's got a look on his face. What the fuck? You used to have red hair and freckles who is this look the dog can't fucking believe there's all kinds of examples Hamilton

what else Scarlett Johansson. We already mentioned that. I think you get the fucking point. Hey, by the way, don't forget Cameo.com, folks. Cameo.com. If you want me to send a little video to a friend of yours or an enemy of yours, I will make or ruin their day.

I will tell an old girlfriend she looks bloated and she's having a period. I will tell your mother to stay out of your fucking closet where you keep your weed. I will tell your neighbor he's a nosy asshole. Or I'll say happy birthday to your niece or your boyfriend or girlfriend, you know, wishing them all kinds of poison. Anything you'd like, go to Cameo.com, and I'll be glad to do that video and put my ass a ton to work, because I'm as hoary as anybody else. You are correct, Sal.

Oh, what do we got here? Let me, we got Luke in California. Would like to speak on behalf of the black community on Will Smith, your only black listener. That's not true, Luke. I have a bunch of black listeners. I just don't put them on. How are you? What's going on, Nick?

What's going on in Cali, man? I listen to you all the time. I gotta be the only one. No, no, I do. Look, I was on satellite radio, you know, on Siriusi, man? I listen to you all the time. I gotta be the only one. No, no, I do. Look, I was on satellite radio, you know, on Sirius XM, and I had a lot of black people that loved the show because, motherfucker, I tell it straight, yo. Yeah, I listened to you there.

I mean, I started listening to you with Opie and Anthony, but I listened to you when you had your little XM stint on Jim and Sam's channel for a little bit. Then they got rid of y'all yes they did closed-minded liberal assholes that's run the station they they call themselves tolerant bloke but they couldn't handle my right wing stuff so yeah no like i said i i agree with you on a lot of things i know you do but i do want to i do want to inform you that the whole Will Smith thing, there was one person who tweeted something that said,

it was a black dude, and he tweeted something that said, colorism is a thing and Hollywood needs to get the right color. But black Twitter flamed that guy. I mean, black people ain't tripping that Will Smith is playing that role. No, I believe it's more white liberals than black people. White liberals are already trying to speak for you guys, Luke, and you should tell them to shut up and that you can defend yourselves.

Hey, you know what? You want to know something funny? I got banned on Twitter for getting in an argument. I'm permanently banned, just like you, just like Tomia, just like all of them. I'm back. But I got no idea what a white liberal who was trying to speak on behalf of black people about how we feel. And, you know, I basically got in an argument with them. I got flagged and I got shut down. I'm done. and I got shut down.

I'm done. I'm actually on again. Joe Rogan pulled some strings with me and I'm back on as of a few days ago. Yeah, I created a new one. So I got to start over. Well, maybe I'll make a few phone calls for you and say, look, this is one of the black guys that I like. We have to have him back on Twitter.

Yeah, no, but yeah, I agree with you on most things, Nick. I forgot. I had a point, but I completely lost it. That's all right. That's what I do. I distract people with good points that are opposing me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep up the good work. Go

Bernie Sanders. All right. All right. Go Bernie. Yeah. Call me back. All right. Yes, you are. All right. Go Bernie. And yeah. Call me back. All right, bro. Is a black fella falling for Bernie's communist bullshit? Why? Free stuff.

Why, Nick? I said it. Free stuff. I like free shit. I just don't like Bernie. Maybe I'll vote for him too. How hilarious. Healthcare for all.

They want to nationalize everything. Do your research, folks. Do it. Ocasio-Cortez, they have to leave her be. I started the beginning of the show saying they have to leave her be I started at the beginning of the show saying they have to leave her be they have to get her out there more how can we get more

Ocasio-Cortez it's like watching her burn down her own party's house she's just throwing gas on Pelosi's mansion but she's the boss she's the boss even, she's the boss. She's the boss, even though she says the word like every other word, like a 12-year-old valley girl. If that's not the first sign,

you're kind of illiterate. I bet she says happy birthday, too. Because, you know, she from the hood and whatnot. Yeah, yeah, boy. What we got here? What we got here? Media outlets are finally admitting the rapidly growing rush of migrants across the Mexican border. Well, welcome to the tea party, fucking lib media. Wake up, white people. For the fourth time in five months, the number of migrant families crossing the southwest border has broken records, border enforcement authorities said. But why do we listen to them? They only work right on the border, right? Said Nancy Pelosi, leathery nipple to lib, warning that the government facilities are full and agents are overwhelmed.

Oh, my God. The New York Times actually printed that. Oh, my God. The New York Times actually printed that. When they have to fucking give in. More than 76,000 migrants crossed the border without authorization in February, more than double the levels from the same period last year and approaching the largest number seen in any February in the last 12 years. But what crisis? Right, CNN? What crisis, MSNBC? It's manufactured. He's manufacturing a crisis. This is a manufactured crisis. What crisis? You're not going to admit to it till fucking MS-13 gangbangs your daughter behind your fucking tool shed. The system is well beyond capacity and remains at the breaking point. Kevin McAleenan, Commissioner of Customs and Border Protection, told reporters in announcing the new data. And you know what I say to that? Build that wall. Build that wall. Build that wall. Build that wall. You build it. You said you're going to build it. I don't care who pays it. Make the Germans pay for it.

They're big on walls. They were. National Public Radio, that's NPR, admitted the problem pay for it. They're big on walls. They were. National Public Radio, that's NPR, admitted the problem with a headline. Again, these are all left-left-leaning publications. Admitted the problem with a headline saying, Migrant families arrive in busloads as border crossings hit 10-year high. The U.S. Border Patrol apprehended more than 66,000 migrants at the southern border in February. 55,000 of those are on the doorsteps of John McCain's old house.

Anybody home? Hello? Between October and last week, Border Patrol agents have picked up more than 260,000 people. Again, most of those in two cars. Toyota Corollas. Oh, Nick, it's been done before. I did it again. Suck it. A 90% jump over the same period a year ago.

The Washington Post, you know that right-leaning newspaper, I said with a tongue so far in my cheek it looked like I was blowing an elephant. Family migration pushes unauthorized crossings to highest levels in a decade. The number of people taken into custody along the Mexico border jumped an additional 31 percent last month as an unprecedented mass migration of families from, they say families, do you know what it is? It's an adult with a child. When you have an adult with a child, they have to let you in. They give you a desk appearance and they tell you to come back to court in a few months or a year and they disperse into the fucking. OK, and Trump's trying to stop that. That makes him a bad guy. But these again, Washington Post, New York Times, OK, NPR, they're all admitting that there might be a crisis. Once again, try Trump tripe. Oh, my God. I just gave him a new nickname.

Donald tripe. Oh, no. Nobody from the left hears that. Jumped an additional 31 percent from Central American pushers, unauthorized crossing to the highest level in a decade, according to the CPP. Last month, the shortest of the year, was the busiest February at the border since 2007, folks.

That's 12 years ago. Authorities detaining 76,103 migrants, up from 58,000 in January. And the numbers go on and on. The Times, however, was silent about the harmful economic impact of the migration on Americans and the economic benefits that flow to business groups. And, of course, NPR sympathetically portrayed the migrant aid groups as passive respondents to a humanitarian emergency.

What's the difference between a crisis and a human? You always split cunt hairs with your language. That's all you know how to do. You split hairs. Crisis, humanitarian need. Most migrants spend just a few days in el paso garcia said before joining friends or relatives elsewhere in the country where they'll wait for their day in immigration a court that's how it's done now and under obama it was too you fucking people

you have no idea how to defend a nation. Do you understand? Do you understand when the Democrats took the House and they come out with all this shit? Bernie Sanders, Ocasio-Cortez, Medicare for all, health care for all, free education. And combine that with Trump's economy booming. It acts as a magnet. You promise all this shit. These fools watch TV. Sure,

they have to have a relative wrapped in tinfoil on their mud huts to get fucking CNN, but they hear this shit and they go, we got to head to the United States. You're giving out shit. And if they're not right now, once they get rid of Trump, like our earlier caller said, that party that moves in, they're ready to give us everything. Let's go. Pedro, pack up your underwear. We're headed to... Let's go to Michael in Northern Vermont. Mike, welcome to the show. Yeah, Nick.

Appreciate you having me on. Do you like Bernie? I don't like Bernie. I actually despise being from Vermont due to the fact that Bernie is in Vermont. That's fucking – boy, that just said it beautifully. Are you bothered by the fact that he's a Jew from Brooklyn, and he moved up to Vermont, and tried to pull the wool over some of these rubes?

Oh, he's trying. He's trying very well. So my brother lives in Burlington, Vermont, which is headquarters for the Madness. And I just want to understand dating advice. If you're, I'm Italian, dating advice for someone who's been raised Italian, very conservative, all things considered, how do we get through this? How old are you?

I'm 27. My brother's 30. And what do you look like? I mean, do you look like young Tony Danza, or do you look like the Elephant Man? Well, I don't know if I'm young Tony Danza. I look like you. I'm a Calabrian. Well, then the pussy train should be pulling up in front of your house. You don't need advice from me.

Yeah, but you just need the clippers to get the armpit hair out of it. Dating advice for an Italian in Vermont. That's a tough one. Holy shit. Get out? Is that the advice? Yeah, an Italian in Vermont. That's a tough one. Holy shit. Get out? Is that the advice? Yeah, get out of Vermont. If you're looking for somebody with an olive paler.

No, I'm sure there's some hot chicks up there. Even though every time I'm up there, the only broads I see are in flannel and work boots, chewing tobacco, and working on a covered bridge. But, yeah, I would move down even to, you know where you go? You go down a little, Portland, Maine. That's an up-and-coming city. Again, not teeming with snatch because it is Maine, but great seafood. Portsmouth? Yeah.

That area? Yes, Portsmouth. Yes, that's even better. Portsmouth I would live in a second. It's a beautiful place. But, yeah, I don't think Vermont, I mean, there's 13 people in Vermont. So what are there, three girls? You guys are all sharing them, you, Bernie.

So yeah, that's my advice. Nick, I appreciate the time, man. You're amazing. You've done what you're doing. You got it, Mike. Thanks. Appreciate it. I thought it said he was a Bernie fan.

That's why I put him on. I was ready to fucking go I don't know you gotta get out of Berlin like the mic act like a man what's the matter with you you take your half

of Ben and Jerry's I don't know you guys maybe on a nice Saturday morning you tap some trees for some sap. Then later on, maybe you tap her for some sap. You gotta think outside her box. I mean the box.

You know what I'm saying? You gotta, you know, her garden down there. You gotta cultivate it. There's weeds. An Italian in Burlington. That's gotta be tough. But I think the guy might be on the you know

in demand then they have by the way burling's a nice city and shit i've done comedy up there and that's not it's not like green acres green acres a little more advanced i uh i didn't mean it Bernie Sanders it says Burlington Bernie welcome to the show yes Nick I'd like to talk to you today are you registered to vote young man

is that supposed to be Bernie or a fucking Nazi drill sergeant? What's the difference? That's a good point. That's my question to you. All right, already. All right, already. I'll vote for you.

Just vote. Oh, my God. Good to be on here with you, Nick. Good to have you on, Bernie. No, we only killed 100 million. We need to kill the cows, too, because they're farting. This is true. Cow flatulence is destroying the atmosphere.

If we can block the cow farts and stick a rag in Joy Beha's mouth. I'm trying to do a bit, and this guy's talking over me. I try to fucking, you got to have some radio presence, man. You got to let the fucking host flow a little bit then I'd let you go back. He's trying to do Bernie.

Cindy from the Brady Bunch sounded closer to Bernie Sanders than that. I believe in everybody have health care and stuff like that. I think you do a much better Bernie than that guy does. That's Jason trying to do a Bernie impression.

He didn't quite commit, but I can tell you if he does that in a few more days, he will have it down. I was out there making the case, but next time we'll try to do better. Better. Or I will try using butter. Working too hard for a show. Please come to Denver. She said no. Boy, why don't you come home to me?

Rambling. But finally tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Finally tonight, New York City's progress, that's in quotes, in cutting school suspensions comes at the expense of education. I did this story a year and a half ago on my old podcast. Remember I talked about disparate impact and uh what was the uh racist attorney general under obama the black guy come on fellas a little help fucking hey really come on holder the black guy something about that sounds right. Do you guys follow politics? It's Eric Holder.

Thank you very much. They both had to Google it. I'm not asking about the Eisenhower administration. I'm 57. I have no memory. What's your excuse? They're like, we didn't know in the first place. I didn't pay attention.

Jason, I can see Ryan not knowing it, but you're fucking bright. Anyways, I talked about it under Eric Holder and Obama. They believe in something called disparate impact. In other words, they went into high schools in Minneapolis, I believe. And they saw, they looked at students who were getting suspended. Oh, no, I broke my pad. Now the court came out. Motherless fuck. Ryan the cord came out. Motherless fuck.

Ryan, come out here in your tight leather shorts and plug that back in, please. While you're down there, would you like to make 50 cents? I'll tell you, it's the silliest thing I've ever heard. There you go, right in the hole. First time he's ever done that. Thank you. Anyways, they go into the Minneapolis school system and they look at suspensions of students and uh more black and brown students were being suspended and they said that's automatically racism they didn't ask any questions after that that's how their mind works it's called bean

counting disparate impact they don't bother to go beyond that and go what why is that is it that um they're from broken homes a lot lot of them, black and brown people? You know, you have to ask questions, tough questions like that. And so they don't grow up in a loving environment. So they're troubled kids who cause trouble in school. But no, a Holder and Obama and people like him just went, oh, that's white racism. So what they did was loosen the rules to the point where, and I read this in an article, literally, you could be a student, you could punch a teacher, punch a teacher and not get kicked out of school. This is where I fucking lost my mind reading about this shit and how the lib mind works.

And guess who else is doing it? Bill de Blasio. Although he wasn't the first, it started going on under Bloomberg, I guess, where they loosened the rules as far as suspending black students first was suspended the most. And again, it's not about race. It's about culture, okay?

The illegitimacy rate is about 76 percent in the black community. Do you understand? Can we talk about this like fucking adults and then we'll be able to solve it or people are going to get bent out of shape? That's racist. How dare. But it's not about race and IQ. It's about culture. It's about culture. You're raised with one parent, mom or dad. There's empirical evidence. You're not going to be as disciplined a student and a person. Okay? It's really, we all know the fucking answers. But no.

Now de Blasio's doing the same thing. Just looks at the numbers. Bloomberg started it, according to this article. Just looking at the numbers. Bloomberg started it, according to this article. Just looking at the numbers. New York City has made vast progress in rolling back school discipline, which is a loss for everyone except the ideologues who demanded it. To be fair, the decline began before de Blasio took over. Political pressure, because this is a blue, blue, blue, blue, blue city.

Political pressure had already brought in new, softer discipline codes in the Bloomberg era. According to a new report out by John Jay College, suspensions peaked at 63,635, and that's in one school. No, that's rather in 2010 and 2011. The year before falling for six straight years for a total drop of nearly 50%. Okay, that's the fucking... Don't give me that smart-ass shit.

That's not a good thing. That reads like a positive thing. What I'm saying is suspensions dropped. In other words, they should have been going up. The kids were acting up more. But there were less suspensions. But behind the great ease-off is the claim that suspensions hamper learning and create a school-to-prison pipeline. So that's the logic of a liberal.

You shouldn't punish a kid when he does something wrong. You shouldn't suspend him because that's going to lead to him being a bad adult and going right to prison. Really? Really? So what should you do? You should not punish him. That's the fuck, literally the logic.

If you punished him and did it with some teeth, instead of suspending him from school, because what are you doing suspending from school? When you give a fucking a kid who the truant officer knows very well skip schools every day you really think that's a punishment so give him a real punishment

I believe in corporal punishment you should be able to beat his ass somebody come up with something quick paddle a paddle exactly like I did in my fraternity. But do you see what I'm saying? Teachers and administrators say that the softer approach,

as a lesson, has meant more chaotic classrooms. Gee, do you think? So a student goes, hey, do you hear about fucking Tyrone knocking out the science teacher? He didn't even get suspended. So why the fuck wouldn't that increase bad behavior? Which it does. All the evidence is right here.

So the more care of classrooms and less... Parents seem to agree. State Senator Leroy Comrie, Democrat, Queens, told State Education... That's a Democrat from Queens. Told State Education versus last month that his middle class constituents are fleeing district schools because disruptive kids aren't getting disciplined. Again, this is classic lib think, and it's why people don't get you. Yes, the John Jay analysis found that black students followed by Hispanics had the highest suspension rates and were more likely to have multiple suspensions. But that simply isn't evidence of racism.

There's a host of reasons why that could be the result of race neutral policies. And it's beyond ridiculous to think that racists are calling the shots in New York City schools in 2019, which is so right. Do you really think do you really think like conservatives are running the school systems in New York City? All the talk of racial disparate impact ignores the fact

that it's largely children of the same race who suffer when students get to keep on disrupting class. In other words, black and brown students are the victims of black and brown students acting up in class.

Because they're there to learn too. Just like the little nerdy white kids. So everybody loses. If there's any white kids in these classes. If a school lacks basic order, kids can't learn. And if kids can't learn, their parents will enroll them someplace else. And that's what's going on. But de Blasio sits there with a dumb look on his face.

Bean-counting social justice warriors may be perfectly happy to drive the middle class out of the city schools, along with as much of the working class as can find an escape, but anyone who truly believes in public education should be demanding an end to this madness. Listen to some of the statistics when I say about, how about this, New York Post, homelessness in New York public schools is at a record high, 114,000 students. Homeless. 65% of public school 8th graders not proficient in reading. 67% not proficient in math. Only 5% of Detroit public school 8th graders were proficient or better in math. Only 7% were proficient or better in reading.

This is the future of America, folks. In the Baltimore public schools, only 11% were proficient or better in math and only 13% were proficient or better in reading. Uh-oh, retard alert. Retard alert. Also, the education provided by public schools in the U.S. seems to consist more and more of social justice propaganda raleigh parent upset about white privilege paper sent home with second

grade student public school in uh edina minnesota describes an 11th grade u.s literature and composition course this way this is how the public school describes this course. By the end of the year, you will have learned how to apply Marxist, feminist, post-colonial, and psychoanalytical lenses to your literature. Translation, you won't know a fucking thing about how this country was founded, why it was founded, why it's so great. This is the shit that went on before Hitler took over Germany, tearing down statues and fucking getting rid of the history. Only it's the Dems doing it, not fucking Trump.

That's just ironic. They call him the Nazi. So let's not pretend that colleges and even high schools aren't liberal indoctrination camps because that's all they've been. And to not fucking suspend kids after they act like assholes

because somebody says it's racist. We're watching this. We're watching it go down the toilet, the very fabric. Hate to bring you all the bad news. Let's go to King in Venice Beach. I used to, I lived there for, oh my God, I had the worst year of my life. Not that Venice was a bad place.

I just had a, I had a fucking horrible, I broke up with a girlfriend. I moved out there. I didn't know anybody. Lived in a basement apartment. And the only fun I have was watching gangs try to kill each other on the beach on a hot Sunday afternoon. King, King. What's up, King? What's up, brother? Man, Venice was a disaster back in the 90s

and early 2000s. That's where I was. Yeah, 95 to 99. That's where I was. Yeah, dude, it's unbelievable. I know I'm kind of shifting gears. I just got to the house and I'm kind of behind on the stream.

That's all right. You're talking about North Korea, and look, the whole Asian's making shady deals. I'm all on board, and I know we've got to kind of coddle that little chubby fuck to get what we want out of him. But I know that you – this has to put a little bit of a sting in your ass. The fact that they sent that kid back, that Otto whatever kid back, all fucked up and retarded. Look, he went there. He fucked up. I've lived in other countries.

He made a mistake. You're not, if the rule there is don't look at girls, you can't look at girls. Otherwise, you're going to get fucked up. Whatever the rule is, you got to abide by it. No, I agree. But the fact that he gives him a pass and doesn't talk shit or come up with some shitty nickname for that part of this entire thing he really should be dominating him and kind of cultivating a little bit of patriotism out of maybe some people that are on the fence about the

motherfucker because he's at least sticking up for americans abroad and i think he's really fucking up on this one particular thing well Well, let me translate for the audience. What you're saying is when Trump said that Kim Jong-un didn't know about Otto, how do you say his last name? Whatever. Yeah. No, Trump blew that one. You know, I disagree with him wholeheartedly on that one. You know, but here's the thing, and I'm not justifying it.

He's still wrong. I know why he's doing it, because he still wants to have talks with his chubby ass for some reason and that's how he sells people he tells you he loves you and blah blah blah that's all he i mean that's how he makes his deals but he's a hundred percent wrong uh on on that kid auto coming back i mean he that that disappointed me, too. So, yeah, this is the perfect opportunity for him to use that as a hey, you fucked up one of our boys. We need you to come back to the table. We're giving you a pass on that one. Come on, man. Bring he's got to use that to his advantage, because that is just that's the thing about Trump that's leaving a bad taste. Now it just looks like he is just a,

he doesn't even care about the flag and he's hugging it and then doing another thing. It's just, this is an opportunity. I wouldn't go that far that he doesn't, I wouldn't go that far that he doesn't care about the flag. I mean, his push for this whole immigration thing. He's always humping it and hugging it like a, like a weirdo. I mean, I think he's great. But come on, dude.

But hold on. Slow down. Slow down. Let me shut you down with one argument. Do you understand he doesn't have to have this job? He's a billionaire. He didn't have to become president. I know.

Okay, so nobody, he hasn't taken a, hold on, let me finish. He hasn't taken a dime. Yes, sir. Do you see what I'm saying? He didn't need this job. That proves that he's doing it for the fucking country. And what I'm telling you is he's a bullshitter. He was wrong with that auto kid, like you said. My producer should have pulled the guy's last name up by now.

It's Warm Beer. Thank you very much. Now the discussion is over. Yes, so I'm with you on that. But don't say he doesn't love, so I'm with you on that. But I think... But don't say he doesn't love the country. I think you're right. And you're kind of...

Yeah, but you're kind of proving my point. This is the point where he doesn't need the money, where he's like, hey, fuck you, dude. You're sending our kids back half dead. This would be... I'm just saying the optics would be... This would be a great kind of... Nobody could not stand behind him on this issue.

Yeah, but I just explained... You're a badass, Nicky. Thank you. I love you, and I'll let you... All right. Thanks, Ken. Thank you, him. Yeah, but I just explained. You're a badass, Nicky. I love you. And I'll let you. All right. Thanks, Ken. Thank you, brother. No, I just made the fucking argument.

Billionaire. He could fucking play golf the rest of his life. Get blown by supermodels and fuck porn. Whatever. He doesn't need this. If any president demonstrated he loved this country. But as far as that go, I thought he was wrong. I was going to call him Otto Lambert.

What's his last name again? Warmbeer. Warmbeer. That's a good way to remember it. But no, Trump was wrong there. But like I said, I told you why he did that. He wants to still, you know, pull this thing off. And I think he thinks that my red meat guys are smart enough to know what I'm doing here.

Maybe not. But I don't believe when he hugs the flag, he doesn't fucking mean it. Anyhow, that's enough for today. That's an hour and a half. It might be a record, folks. Finally, let me just, I just got some things I, you you know i have to get out of the way here for all you cheap bastards that didn't sign up for premium episodes that air on tuesday and thursdays first i want to tell you that you don't know what you're missing but if you uh want to see

what you've been missing we released all of the archives of the show from the premiere in july up to one month ago you can view them all on my YouTube channel and Nick DiPaolo show playlist. Make sure you subscribe to my channel. Click to be notified and click the thumbs up to like the video. Did you hear me?

Click the thumbs up to like the video so we can get our numbers up. Please. And then click on my cock. It's the internet. I'll go for every dick joke there is. I don't give a rat's ass.

Also, YouTube notifications for everyone watching on YouTube that isn't getting notified when the show is live. It's Monday through Thursday, 6 p.m. Eastern Time, free on Monday and Wednesday. But you have to click on that little bell next to the subscribe button in YouTube to get a notification. subscribe button in YouTube to get a notification. And if you're watching on your phone, you have to go to your notification settings, click on YouTube, then choose to allow them. When are we going to be done with all this shit? I still think people are going to look back in 50 years going, oh my God, they had to go into this settings. And I still feel like we're in the infancy stages. Anything else there, kids?

You have made the case? That's it? The case has been made? No more super chats? No more super chats? I don't need the money. I just bought my fourth house up in a beautiful lake in Vermont because I'm a phony fuck. That is it.

Remember, the last 30 years, you guys have been thinking it. I've been saying it, unless you guys are like 22. Anyways, you're welcome. I'll see some of yous tomorrow. I should see all of yous. Sign up. Let's get this thing cranking. Take care. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 ¶¶

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