The Nick DiPaolo Show - She's the Man...Hallquist Victorious in Vt.

Episode Date: August 15, 2018

Today’s Show: Sweden Committing Cultural Suicide As Refugees Run Roughshod: She’s The Man....Hallquist Victorious In Vt: Dunham Induces Vomiting On Instagram: Hillary Backs Brainwashing Babies.

Thank you. Oh yeah, how are you folks? Welcome to the big show on a Wednesday. I'm Nick DiPello, your host. What's going on? You know, we take calls on the show. Very rare for a podcast. 833-599-NICK. 833-599-6425.

833-599-6425. I'm reading it like I don't have it memorized. Why am I dressed like Clemenza? I have no idea, but I picked this out. Look, I'm going to Gotti's funeral, don't I? As long as your podcast doesn't interfere with mine, that's no problem. I wish all the success.

Real quick, dates. I'll be at the same place I was last night, the Comedy Cellar, tonight on McDougal Street. Thursday, August 23rd governors in levittown long island 8 30 show saturday september 1st the fat black pussycat saturday september 8th the fat black pussycat again right around the corner from this comedy cellar friday september 14th and saturday september 15th arlingtonlington Draft House, Arlington, Virginia. Two shows each night. Love that place.

Only place within, like I said, a thousand miles of D.C. where you can actually find politically incorrect people. Friday, September 21st, Orpheum Theater, Flagstaff, Arizona. Saturday, September 29th, The Fat pussycat new york city i have more dates pending uh waiting for my agent to have the contract signed before i post them at nickdip.com i know i'll be traveling i think florida i'm going somewhere in florida in october and uh there's a few other things and also in october uhder with Crowder. I'm going to go. They're going to fly me to Dallas. I'm going to do the show live.

And that streams on CRTV and a bunch of other places, which will help promote this show, which it deserves. And again, 40 people signed up since last Monday. More than that now. I didn't check the last couple days. So

I can't thank you enough. This is the Wednesday free show. Streams live on YouTube, Facebook Live, eventually other places. I'm hoping. I'm hoping it's streaming everywhere it's supposed to because sometimes my producers, they don't pay attention. Look, they're in their late teens, smoke a lot of pot, and they're semi-retarded.

But yesterday, I want to apologize to the patrons, the people that subscribe to the show, actually pay for the show. My producer, Jason, forgot to hit the publish button when the show starts. You have to hit the publish button and about 15 minutes in He remembered to hit the publish button Although it wasn't it was way down at the bottom of the page one of those deals if you don't scroll you can't see it and I hate this whole thing Again, the internet all this shit This whole thing.

Again, the Internet, all this shit, www. It's all fucking infancy stages. People are going to be laughing at us in about eight minutes because that's how quick this stuff evolves. But anyways, Jason, yeah, I really fucked up the show. And you guys pay for the whole show, not for 45 minutes of it. So I thought, well, how to teach the kid a lesson. As Obama said, it's a teachable moment. But I like to run things smoothly. I was raised by a Marine, and I believe in crime and punishment.

So Jason was punished today, and we actually filmed it. Here's a little film that shows. Hey, it's Nick DiPaolo. This is what happens when you're my producer and you don't do your job. You forgot to hit the publish button yesterday on the Patreon site, so now he's being punished.

This here's my septic tank. I dropped a watch in there two years ago. Jason, it's your job to fucking find it. No need to curse. No need to curse, Oh gravy no that's a tampon sewer pickles no that's a piece of porterhouse steak okay find it okay you're not seeing anything well just like you didn't see anything yesterday, right? All right. I don't want to get sued. Lesson learned.

Lesson learned. Ryan, I know you're on vacation, but I hope you're watching the show and you learned your lesson. Because I'll make you climb in there face first, up to your waist. I always wanted to do a one-man show based on my septic tank. Because, like I said, you look in there and you see good times, bad times. And you can do a whole one-man show. Your whole life is in there for the last three years or so. And I don't know who came up with the concept of the septic tank.

Hey, can you design something that will collect my shit but make sure it's on my property so when there's a nice wind blowing and I'm eating my creamed corn, I can enjoy the... I'm telling you. Anyways, Jason, did you learn your lesson?

Yeah, I got it. You didn't do anything wrong at the beginning of the show uh i don't know we'll find out yeah we'll find out exactly god i hate to see what i'm gonna make you do next that's the beginning that was the that was the as far as punishment goes that's the uh lightest thing i have 833-599-6425 is the phone number. Had a good time at the Comedy Cell. It's a different room, folks. It's very PC.

I thought some of my comedian friends were exaggerating. Again, it's Manhattan, so it's one of the worst places to do comedy. These kids come fresh off the campus. I mean, Comedy Cell is technically on the NYU campus. I see all these cute 20-something year old girls coming in that you know I used to be happy when I was in my 20s and 30s don't come to see him now I want to choke him because nobody's more PC than a chick in her fucking 20s who's ingested this shit from her lesbian professor at NYU with the handlebar mustache and the 40-inch ankles

and uh you know and they're the ones, and I was doing all right. I used to own that room, but it's weird. And then half the room's from Europe. I don't get that. I don't get it. I do not get, if I went to, like I said, Portugal or whatever, I don't know, Germany, I wouldn't go to a comedy. Do they have comedy in Germany?

They're not the fucking most heartwarming people. No offense, Germany. I'm just saying you're not known for your yucks. Two Jews walk into a bar. Both of them are shot immediately. This show is streaming live. Did I mention that on Wednesdays? We'll do it live.

Yeah. We'll do it live. Yeah. We'll do it live! Fuck it! That was me after Jason fucked up. Breaking news, right before I came on the air,

Trump revokes ex-CIA director John Brennan's security clearance. You know who John Brennan put a picture up. There's the dirtiest cop in the history.

All you have to need to know about is him. He voted for a guy named Gus Hall in the 70s who was the leader of the Communist Party in the United States. And this guy goes on

to become CIA director. He's worked everywhere. NSA, all that shit. And he's as evil as he looks every time I see a picture him he looks like every businessman that stinks up a bathroom on an airplane Does he not does he not have that face? He's got the face looks like your septic tank. He looks like myself. That's a human version my septic tank That's every guy when I go to go to the bathroom on a flight coming out who just had seven pounds of asparagus and fucking meatloaf anyways press secretary uh the beautiful Sarah Sanders read

a statement from Trump which cites former CIA director John Brennan's erratic conduct and behavior he's been shitting all over Trump for the last six months he is the brains behind all the collusion by the way He's not a dumb guy, although Trump's making him look like a fucking monkey because this collusion thing's going nowhere. But this guy was pulling the strings behind all that. Okay? He worked for Obama in Obama's second term.

Trump's revoked the security clearance from Brennan. He just announced that today. White House press secretary read a statement on behalf of the president uh during the start of the briefing saying brennan has a history that calls his credibility into question he sure in fact does the president has a constitutional responsibility to protect classified information and who has access to it. And that's what he's doing. He's fulfilling that responsibility in this action, Sarah Sanders said. And then she fucking stumbled away. In response, Brennan tweeted hours later, because that's all he does. He fucking watches the president.

He's up the president's ass. He's part of the deep state that Obama left behind, okay? Once Hillary didn't fucking win, they get the green light. You know, you know the truth. But Brennan tweeted hours later, this action is part of a broader effort by Mr. Trump to suppress freedom of speech. Funny, huh?

Coming from a guy who's part of the deep state. And punish critics. It should gravely worry all americans including intelligence professionals about the cost of speaking by the way a tell intelligence uh officials have bad-mouthed you people that are working here now so uh about the cost of speaking out he says my principles are worth far more than security clearances. I will not relent, he says. Who said that? Brennan said it.

Who the fuck said that? Fucking Brennan. Who's the slimy little communist shit-twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? John Brennan. It's a dirty cop. So's Comey. So's Mueller.

And I'll say it again. Go back and look at the Whitey Bulger stuff that went on in the FBI in Boston when Mueller was heading up the FBI in Boston. Four guys went to jail for 30-something years. Two of them died in jail. Then they were all acquitted later on. So look at the fucking guy.

Looks like he belongs in Russia, doesn't he? So it's revoked. But he's not the only one on Trump's shit list. And I don't know what's taking so long, actually. Last month, the White House said they're looking into clearances for other former officials and Trump critics, including FBI Director James Comey, former Deputy FBI Director McCabe, you know, Andrew McCabe, former Director of National Intelligence, James Clapper.

Former National Security Advisor, Susan Dirty Brown Rice. And former CIA Director, Michael Hayden. On Wednesday, Sanders added another one to the list. Bruce Ohr, former FBI Agent Peter Strzok, also. And former FBI General Counsel, Lisa Page. Bruce Ohr is still employed. The rest of them are already gonzo. But, you know, what they do is they keep their clearance, okay?

And people say, well, why do they get to keep their clearance? Well, this is ostensibly why. The administration, the succeeding administration, gets to go to these people and they get updated on what threats this country's facing. That's ostensibly the reason. I think it's all bullshit. I think when you become president, you should clean house and bring in your own people. But that's what they say. But what happens is, you know what these guys do?

Um, that's what they say. But what happens is, you know what these guys do? They use that clearance to get classified information, and then they get hired by CNN, MSNBC, and they leak shit. They monetize, as people say. And Brennan, you see, he's been fucking on TV forever bad-mouthing Trump. Now I'm going to look back at the camera, too, for a wide shot. Why? Because I paid a lot of money for that goddamn thing behind me. Yeah. Hey, I got a nice tan

today. I bought the Mitt Romney bronzer. I got his hair too now. You notice? What is happening? Let me take a sip of my Gatorade today. It's tequila and Gatorade. Ran out of vodka. By the way, I drink Stoli.

I hope that doesn't trigger somebody surveilling my house. But anyhow. Anyways, John Brennan, good to see somebody is up on this mamalook. And then Adam Schiff. You know Adam adam schiff the pencil neck geek from california who looks like charles groden in fucking junior high school i just want to grab him by his tiny little neck and break it in half he had to fucking come out because he's behind you know he's convinced trump is guilty but he he tweeted today uh In adding John Brennan to his enemies list, Trump demonstrates again how deeply insecure and vindictive he is. Two character flaws, dangerous in any president.

Go fuck yourself. How's that for commentary? An enemies list is ugly, undemocratic, and un-American. How about fucking dropping a spy into a guy who's running for president's campaign? Is that un-american you fucking dink how dare you have you no shame sir god do i hate that guy i would like to punch him in his skinny little chest so it wraps around his heart wraps around my fucking chest and i pull it out his heart comes with it if he has one such a weas lying, left-wing sucker of Satan's pee-pee hole.

I just fucking hate that guy more than any of them. Yeah, that's what it proves. An enemy's list is ugly, undemocratic, and un-American. I also believe this action to silence a critic is unlawful. Do ya? Do ya? Go ahead. So what are you going to charge him with?

You fucking partisan hack, you. Perfect for California. Adam's shithead. New York. What's this say? New York. Phil on line one says, New York, last call on my, I guess, my serious show.

Phil, how are you? Real quickly. I like to stick to the topics. Phil, how are you? Real quickly. I like to stick to the topics. Hey, Nick. How's it going? What's up, brother? I think I might have been that very last caller. I kept looking for another show after that, and I didn't find it.

But I want to apologize for getting you kicked off. That's how it works in radio, Phil. When I have my radio real quickly, because I want to talk about what we're talking about. But when I had a K-Rock show, everything was fine. Nobody said that. I knew nothing. And I'm home painting my house the next day, and I get a call. And my wife goes, yeah, Tom Chiasano's on the line, the GM or whoever it was.

I can't remember. And they said, don't bother coming in tomorrow. I tuned in the next day, and it was all kind of like science fiction music and shit like that. So that's how it works on radio. Well, you know, I felt so bad I jumped on YouTube and made a little tribute for you. It's called Nick DiPaolo Tribute.

Oh, yeah? So maybe you want to check it out and tell me. If you don't like it, I want to pull it down. You know what I mean? All right. Where can we find that, Phil? It didn't get a lot of views. Yeah, it didn't get a lot of views.

But I thought it was good enough. You should use it when you're at your live show. It's like a little intro. Phil, Phil, I asked you a question. Where can we find it? Oh, just put Nick DiPaolo Tribute on YouTube. Okay. I'll do that. Thank you, Phil, and

I'm glad you were the last caller. No, I appreciate it, man. We'll check it out. Thank you. Bye-bye. Yeah. These fuckers. Guys, I have a bunch of calls. Let's keep it fucking pithy. Let's keep it to what we're talking about.

And I appreciate Phil being a fan and everything. But Jesus H. Give him an inch. Let's go to George in Kirkland, Washington. George, how are you? Kirkland, Washington. I used to belong to a white supremacist group up here.

Hey, Nick. It's actually very great to actually be on your show. I've discovered you from seeing old videos of Tough Trial with Colin Quinn. I think you're great, man. Thank you, sir. Your podcast is a saving grace. Thank you very much.

I used to be on the Democratic area, but now I'm just in the center right now and choose my own. I understand you want to stay on topic and everything, but I found out that considering how from your last few shows after discovering your podcast, I drew into free speech, etc. And I just wanted to make it concise. I know you want to stay on topic. But have you considered joining with the film that is currently being made, though, Safe Spaces? I think something that might be up your aisle that maybe you might want to consider. It's a film currently being made, you said? Yeah, it's currently in production right now with the people who are currently starring it.

The duo is Dennis Prager, a radio personality, and Adam Parola, a stand-up comedian and podcaster. Yes, you know what? About political correctness on college campus. You know what? I used to follow Dennis Prager. He actually had a show for a while back in the, might have been in the 80s. But Dennis Prager, yeah, he's been attacked by the, you know, the Southern Poverty Law Center. He's a religious guy.

He's Jewish. And he puts up religious, I mean, the most uncontroversial, but because it covers Christianity, it becomes controversial. And Adam Carolla, I know I've done his show a couple times, and I'm out in L.A. So, you know what, I will look into that. That's actually a good suggestion, George. I appreciate it. Hopefully they'll have me in the film. Thank you very much. I'm sorry if I'm putting you off topic, but I'm not trying to be rude. No, no, no. I just thought it might be good. That's fine. I appreciate it. Call again. I appreciate that. Thank you.

Let's go to my buddy, longtime buddy, Mr. Evan Grant, who lives in the city. A very rich fellow. He's got 11 kids, a couple of them white, some Jewish, some Native American. Evan, what's going on? Hey, Nick. How are you, pal? What's up, buddy? Straight up question. Yeah.

How close do you think we are to being in a civil war in this country? I would say this is how close, okay? It reminds me of the OJ trial when we were at each other's throats. And remember the racial tension, you could smell it. And all it would have taken was just some white guy to suck a punch of black guy. This is during the OJ trial.

And it would have set off the whole country. We're not quite that close yet, but there is no middle anymore. I keep using this analogy. It's like Joe Namath's knee. After 11 operations, there's no cartilage. It's just bone on bone. There is no fucking middle.

And here's what's going to set it off, Evan. If the right and people like me act one-eighth as violent, as intolerant as the left, that would set it off, don't you think? I think without question, and I think it's very concerning. Everyone seems to feel that if the Democrats manage to squeeze taking the House in November, the immediate pivot's going to be to move to try and impeach Trump. Right. I'm just waiting to see what is it going to take for the right to really begin to get pissed.

For all the talk about the tolerance of the left, I would like to sit back and take a seat on the chin time and again, being kind of like low-key about it. It could be 1% of 1%. It could be extremists and whatever hype nonsense they're claiming it to be. I'm talking about regular people. I live in Manhattan, and I cannot tell you. Your phone, Evan, Evan, your phone's cutting in and out.

Stay on the mouthpiece. Oh. Yeah, there you go. Can you hear me now? Yeah, go ahead. Okay, sorry about that. Basically, you cannot articulate anything. Forget about pro-Trump, just not hating him without drawing the fear of losing business, losing friendships.

Yeah, that's called fascism. You're dealing with such an intolerance right now. Right. But it's frightening because, you know, I talk about this to my wife a lot, because you almost have to go underground when you have these conversations. And I say to her, today, the left really is comprised of two components. You have either the people who are completely delusional to reality, or the people who are dishonest. By dishonest, I mean, very simply, if you're able to live with

the end justifies the means at any cost. Yeah. And that's okay because Trump's, you know, MF or whatever it is, you know, they just let it go.

And it's a frightening time right now. Yeah, right. All joking aside, Absolutely. The House is taken in November. I think it's going to get very, very, very hostile all right it's a patty kick right now no any second absolutely on the street everywhere absolutely i give you

credit for having to articulate it i'm trying man hey good hearing from you i'll comment uh when i when i hang up i have the pleasure man you got it so much good hearing your buddy well he's exactly right you got one side totally fucking out of control, and they're for open borders, and they're against free speech. It's all anti-American. They hate the Constitution. And again, the right is the well-behaved,

fucking polite people, not to get too political, except for that fringe element that we saw like this weekend at that white nationalist rally, all six of them that showed up. That's the real danger, right? Get the fuck out of here. And as far as having to go underground that we saw like this weekend at that white nationalist rally, all six of them that showed up. That's the real danger, right? Get the fuck out of here.

And as far as having to go underground when you're pro- I am. I play comedy clubs. Most of them are underground. And I don't know. It is getting dangerous. So we shall see. But like I said,

yeah, the right is pissed off, but they never. Why? Why is Hillary not in fucking jail? You know, Manafort's going to fucking prison for people for something people do usually three weeks for looking at life sentence. But why? Why is she why is she not in fucking jail? And all the scumbags, excuse me, that put the collusion thing together.

It's ridiculous. And it is coming to a head but like i said the people on the right have have manners and a little more tolerance thank christ if not if they were as hell-bent as the left is and treated politics like a religion we would already been uh in a war civil war 10 years ago So that's the only thing stopping it anyways. We get a lot of calls. Let me take another one real quick. Let's go to Joni in New York. I want to talk about John Brennan. Joni, what's going on?

Hey, so it's about time that Trump revoked Brennan's clearance. I mean, what took so long? I mean, Brennan is evil and he's a liar. And as far as I'm concerned, Trump should just revoke everybody's clearance. That doesn't work for the current administration. I mean, if we need their advice, we'll call them up. Well, that's what he's... Am I right?

Yeah. No, you're right. And that's what he's about to do. I think he took so long doing so because he knew the minute he did something like this, and he's facing it already today, hours after making these announcements, that, you know, shitheads like Adam Schiff,

oh, he's trying to obstruct justice and he's got an enemies list. Yeah, motherfucker. Yes, he has enemies list. Can you imagine having the balls after almost two years of this investigation, not a shred of evidence about collusion? So, and Trump's wrong when he fucking points that out?

I mean, so I hope, I hope he goes after the other people too that he mentioned in the other people, too, that he mentioned. Absolutely. And also, I just heard that this memo was dated July 26th, I think. Yeah. So he had been thinking about this for a couple of weeks. Right.

And like you said, he knew if he would pull the trigger that he was going to get it. It doesn't matter what he does. He doesn't win. Right. You know, he's not going to win. Like, he could give away $10 million to every single person, and they'll say, well, that wasn't enough. You suck. And I hate what's happening, but go ahead.

Okay. No, that's it. I appreciate your call, Johnny. Thank you. And I agree with it this guy's crooked brennan's you look at his fucking past all the shit he's been involved in whatever uh let's move on shall we um have you been following what's going on in Sweden. I hope so. Masked gangs set fire to 80 vehicles in shock violent weeks before the election. Sweden was engulfed in violence last night

as dozens of cars were set alight, 80, and stones were thrown at police by gangs of masked youths rampaging across the country. Wake up, white people. It's their immigration policy. They've let in 600,000 people claiming asylum in the last five years. They're only a country of 10 million. Okay?

So somebody said that's like letting in 7 or 8 million into the United States. Okay? Most of them are under 30 and they're male. And crime has gone up. Violent a violent crime rape everything has gone up okay so they're committing uh you know cultural genocide over there dumb fucking guilty white people and in the press you can't say anything in sweden it's so pc you think it's bad over here. It's sanitized. But they're committing fucking genocide over there. They're just fucking idiots. Fires were reported in Malmo,

Gothenburg, and Helsingborg. Shocking footage showed youths destroying vehicles in a shopping center. I think we have a clip of... Don't we? I'm sorry that was uh that was uh Henry Hill but you get it that's what's going on in Sweden and again it's all because of their fucking pussy immigration policies ashamed to be fucking white and uh you get all these people claiming asylum from different cultures, third-world shitholes.

They have no respect for women. You've read the statistics as far as sexual assault in Sweden. If you're going to go to a country to assault women, it would be Sweden. You know what I'm saying? Nick, what does that mean? I don't know. I'm just saying. But these guys are creeps.

They're fucking creeps. And these are all the policies. These are fucking libs, politicians. it's all a result of their policies and douchebags like nancy pelosi and people on the left the adam shifts of the world wanting want to follow that use that as an example western europe i mean just look look what's happened to fucking California and Los Angeles proper. I mean, wake the fuck up. But you point that out and you're a bigot and whatnot. And, uh... Police are investigating whether the fires which broke out across the country are related.

The fire sparked outrage at Swedish Prime Minister Stefan Löfven, saying, I get pissed off for real. Well, there's some fucking salty language. Boy, you must be scaring the shit out of these kids. says Stefan Loven saying, I get pissed off for real. Well, there's some fucking salty language. Boy, you must be scaring the shit out of these kids. You know, these guys really fry my apples. You know, these rapists and burning cars and burning buildings, they really get my dander up.

Cheese dick. Adding that he wanted to ask the rioters what the hell are you doing if i was a rioter i would say let me implement implementing your immigration policies you dumb white fucking guilty cheese dick that's all but the democrats in this party they're for that type of fucking shit they'd have all that. No borders whatsoever. People pouring in, going on the dole, not learning the language, nothing in common, just ethnicities living

next to each other that have nothing in fucking common. It's already happening in this country. But the people on the left of this country look to places like Sweden and go, look at that. But at least they're not called bigoted. The prime minister said to the Swedish people, we should open our hearts to these people.

After looking at the rape statistics, apparently their legs are being forced open too. This is fucking horrendous. So, yeah. So look at Sweden. You won't even recognize it in a few years. People took to social media to express their anger at the violence. One user said, isn't it the government's duty to keep society from things like this?

Problem? You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. Y onking jam rag arking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. Quit looking to the government to save you, you dummy. You're looking to the very people that are fucking creating this chaos. They live up in the ivory towers, gated communities,

like the Ted Kennedys of the world. And they're using you as guinea pigs, social engineering. And you know what? It's not working out. As Bill Hicks said years ago about this country, it's an experiment that's not working. Well, look at Sweden. So, look at Sweden. Let's go to Anthony in Dublin, Ireland.

Anthony, what's up, buddy? Evening, Nick. What's happening? Just in relation to Sweden's problems, I'm calling. That stems from Germany's decisions to open the floodgates, which were, in effect, miracles.

And I don't know whether you know it, but in Europe, the EU, when it changed the EU from the EEC, we got weighted voting. Like, Ireland doesn't have a vote Germany probably has about 10 votes so whatever they want they get and it's just been that way for a good

long while and they've no exit strategy, like I hope Brexit works out great I hope they do fantastic out of it because to trade is one thing but they're absolutely up in everybody's business over here and all you ever hear in the thing but they're absolutely up in everybody's business over here and all you ever hear in the news is they're pumping the EU standard for this and the EU standard

for that, like these countries are all different cultures, the one size fits all thing is nonsense, and we had a good thing, like the EC was working out well for a good long while but this, I think the Euro is doomed to fail even, but the opening of the floodgates like Spain and Italy, Ireland, Greece,

were all absolutely financially crippled. And then they go let all these people in. It just doesn't make sense. Okay, so you're saying Sweden has no autonomy when it comes to its own country? They have no decisions? They do. They do. They really embraced it.

I think the feminist party got in power there. There's a man tax. I don't know whether that's still a thing, but men get taxed more just for being men. You know, it's Sweden. Sweden are like a cook nation, you know? Oh my God. That explains all the transgender operations, I guess. Hey, I'm in the 39% bracket. I think I'll get a pussy. It's just crazy.

It stems like Germany are screwing Europe, and it's not for the first time either. No, exactly. They rule the roost now, and they didn't even have to bomb anyone this time. Fucking Angela Merkel,

the thick-ankled dog face of Europe. Yes, that's a German Hillary is what that is. That's a German Hillary, exactly. She makes fucking Hillary look conservative. I hate that bitch. Anyways, thank you, Anthony. I'm going to keep throwing her in. Won't keep you longer. Night-night, Nick.

I appreciate it, brother. I love hearing from Ireland. Come on, folks. I'm at my house and I'm getting calls from Ireland. Do you believe that? What a country. But the Swedes, yeah, they're just fucking committing suicide.

Death of a nation. Let's focus. That should be the sequel. But again, the left in this country go, look, they're not bigoted. They're opening their hearts and their legs and their assholes. Ah, white man, you're so dumb.

Whatever. Maybe you can't be stopped, folks. This is how the world evolves or whatever, but we're heading into a dark place because socialism hasn't worked anywhere in the fucking world. And again, look up Venezuela, Google that, and you'll see a housewife cutting a giraffe's fucking Adam's apple out to cook for her kids. That's right,

they're eating zoo animals. I'll say it again. Anyways, and don't look to your government. Shouldn't they be protecting? No, they're the ones creating it and you voted them in, apparently.

So, I'm just saying. But you're not a bigot, Swedes. That's what's important. Let's go to Vermont, one of my favorite states. My sister has a beautiful house up on a lake in the middle of nowhere in Vermont. I really do.

Vermont's so far left, it's almost right. You know, you can drink and drive up there. You pull over, piss on the side of the road, and a cop goes right by you. They go like, it's unbelievable. But the big news out of that was Christine Hallquist, first transgender nominee. She won her primary race, so she's going to run for governor in the fall vermont democrats made history tuesday by nominating christine hogquist as the first

transgender individual to be a major party candidate for governor the general election matchup pits hogquist a former utility executive who has never held statewide elective office. Again, Scott, a former construction company owner seeking a second term. I guess it's hard to unseat an incumbent in Vermont. That's for some reason. But she says, or he says, she, she's the she now. And by the way, the transgender thing, somebody close to my family i wouldn't it looks like hell i wouldn't you know wish it on anybody i've evolved a little bit hey tiny shut your fucking hole um

there is a spectrum okay but here's my point our first transgender congratulations but they make up about 0.001 of the population in this country do you really think she sees the world as i do and as you do what are you saying that she looks at yes you see the world based on your life experiences i guarantee she's going to use the word bully 150 times if she wins in her acceptance speech. I'm just saying. Do you really fucking think she has the same worldview and is going to... I'm just saying. Do you know what I'm saying? Well, that's bigoted and retrograde thinking okay we'll

fucking see but she says i'm gonna tell you why we're gonna win in november said hallquist you know what and i don't give a shit if she wins or not i really don't care it's uh you know how many of the people voted for her just so they can say i voted for the first transgender look at me i'm more progressive than anybody in the country. She says, I'm going to tell you why we're going to win in November. Holding a clipboard as she addressed a cheering crowd of supporters at the Skinny Pancake restaurant in Burlington. We got a clip of her, actually, at the Skinny Pancake.

I love these fries. If you love them so much, why don't you marry them? Can I have some? pancake. That's the skinny pancake in Burlington. She says because nothing is impossible when you're on the side of justice. What the fuck does that even mean? You're only on the side of justice if you're leaning left in your politics. Oh, we get the real picture of Ms. Hallquist, right? Again, make the full transition that's a guy in a fucking wig that's the guy who came to fix my boiler last october

make the full transition come on um miss hallquist or whatever but whatever i'm having a little fun here i'm just saying. God forbid. But do you get what I'm... Her worldview cannot be that of the majority of the population of the constituents that she's going to represent. Or can it? Am I just being totally bigoted? You know what I mean?

Don't you think she sees the world differently after what she's been through and shit? Please tell me yes. Her campaign platform is built on her 13 years as a defensive end for the Chicago... What? No. 13 years as the CEO of Vermont

Electric Cooperative, where she says she's proved it's possible to address climate change without raising costs. That's her big fucking thing. That's what got you excited in she's proved it's possible to address climate change without raising costs. That's her big fucking thing. That's what gets you excited in Vermont where it's fucking December, 11 months a year. She has pitched a plan to connect every Vermont home and business with high-speed

internet access by relying on electric utilities. Yeah, because when you're living in Junction Falls, you have to... By relying on electric utilities to string fiber optic cable and blah, blah, blah. Her historic campaign has attracted a nationwide attention. I guarantee there will be a movie about her. It's probably being made right now. I guarantee it.

With Dick Butkus playing her as a little girl. Dick Butkus playing her as a little girl. Have a cigarette, Nick. Hallquist still faces a challenging path. She seeks to defeat sitting Vermont governor for the first time in more than a half century. By the way, she voted for the guy who's governor now. So that's a little fucking weird, is it not? You fucking hypocrite. No!

No, it shows she has an open mind. So, Bernie Sanders must be like, I'm supposed to be the far left fucking zealot. How can I top this? Uh, the pocket pussy from Romco, Bernie. Tip throw through your mother's

fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur fur Tip throw through your mother's... Anyways. The left is just... But it's Vermont. That's no biggie up there, you know? That's no biggie. But I guarantee the bathroom issue will come up. If that's still an issue. Although it's Vermont,

you can shit in the woods and nobody even stop you. And I'm saying that lovingly. I love Vermont. My sister has a summer home up there. I told you. Drinking and driving, doing 111 miles an hour,

hitting deer. They just vaporize. Nobody says anything. They wave to you. This is true. My brother-in-law, this is absolutely true. I don't remember the gun

issue up there but people are pretty pro-gun i think up in vermont even though they're lefties and so it's kind of a uh it's an issue here and there my brother-in-law was in the backyard he was practicing shooting i guess he's using live ammo. But one of his bullets traveled through the fucking woods. This is the truth. Went through the window of a judge's house. And the guy knocked on his door like that night or the next day or some shit. Oh my God, this is the funniest thing I've ever heard. I don't know what, we never get the results of that story.

I think my brother's in a prison in White River Junction, my brother-in-law. Doing a hard time churning out buckets of maple syrup. But anyways, congratulations to Hallquist. We'll see how you do against the guy that you once voted for. That ought to be interesting. Sure, that's

going to come up. Did I mention him at the comedy cellar tonight? Hour and five minute drive to do 15 minutes of comedy to get $30. Can you see the love in my eyes? Let's go on to my favorite.

One of the fucking hottest women to ever walk this planet you know i'm talking about the lena dunham this broad makes me harder than a shark's tooth uh she's celebrating her nine month celebrating her hysterectomy that she had nine months ago How is she celebrating that? With nude photos on Twitter. Instagram. Can we pull up a... I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. Why does she do that? I want to try to like people. why does she do that?

I want to try to like people. Somebody just said, no, you don't in the booth. Shaking her head, Priscilla. Well, I do. I make an effort to go out of my way to like people, but she, you know,

this is what thrives in Brooklyn. Her mentality or show Girls, which had about a fucking 50 foot radius that show reached from her apartment in Brooklyn. Nobody outside of that could relate to her being obsessed and narcissistic. And that picture right there scares the living Jesus out of me. Are those tattoos, or did she lean against a panini maker with her backside? She's mentally ill. She's mentally ill and HBO fucking took the show and ran with it.

I'm mentally ill too, you know. I look a lot better with my shirt on. But listen, today is National Leathercraft Day. This is her talking. National Relaxation Day, which I was doing until I saw these pictures and had to take three Xanax. And National Lemon Meringue Pie Day. Well, it looks like she's putting a lot of effort into one of those three.

I'm going with the pie day. It's also the nine-month anniversary of my hysterectomy. What a dark soul. I had a hemorrhage removed. You don't see me fucking lighting a cake today. It was about a year ago. Surgeon went in there with a fucking knife and a blowtorch. I sat down about a week ago for the first day.

You don't see me sending cards out and pictures on Instagram. Excuse me. You don't have to neck your. You're a white privileged male. Oh, I forgot. She captioned a series of nude photos and then her quote, I've never celebrated the nine-month anniversary of anything

and I realized last night why that number feels so funny. I won't ever do it the way I plan to. I don't even get what that means. She says, my body is mostly healed. I don't know who gives a fuck. And every day I find a new bruise on my heart. But is it a heart or an avocado, you cheese-eating?

But today I offer myself gratitude. From the most pained place I somehow knew to choose myself. Which you always do. You're of that generation. You're all about yourself. What's that, breaking fucking news you chose yourself? The purest glint of who we are

and know we can be. The purest glint of who we are and know we can be is always available to us. Calm and true. At, uh, calm and true at our center. Stop!

Thank you. In addition to endometrial disease, and she does. I mean, it's painful. I had this in high school. My ovaries got all fucking swelled up. I don't know what happened. I used a dirty toy on myself.

It was a toothbrush I found behind a dumpster and i got all infected in there and i couldn't have kids they told me uh in addition to endometrial disease uh an odd hump like protrusion and a septum running down the middle we talking about her are we talking about her uterus or her her fucking back as she described. I have retrograde bleeding, a.k.a. my period running in reverse so that my stomach is full of blood. Is that why the bloating? Is your stomach full of blood? You should try donating some of that

if your stomach's filled with it. Seriously. Stick an IV in your belly button. Fill up a couple of bags. Bring it down to the aid center. My ovary has settled in on the muscles around the sacral nerves in my back that's why she's not starting for the jets next thursday night that allows us to walk let's please not even talk about my uterine lining why not it's fucking lemon meringue

pie month let's talk about you the only beautiful detail is that organ which is meant to be shaped like a light bulb, was shaped like a heart. Ever look what a heart's shaped like, by the way? It's like a pork roast, a pork loin. There's no shape to it. Quit doing that. Again, these pictures can come in handy.

We all know if your kid swallows some poison to induce vomiting, go to her Instagram account and the kid will be just fine. 833-599-NICK in the phone call. I'm going to keep moving on. A lot of the calls are from, you know, a few minutes ago.

Not your fault, not my fault. I can't help it. Hey, did you see the photo of DNC Chief Tom Perez? He's the chairman of the Democrat National Convention Committee, I should say. Did you see him speaking at a mall in Atlanta? Democrats claim they have the enthusiasm edge heading into the November midterm election. But an appearance today by DNC Chairman Tom Perez, he's the one who became chairman, and in like his second speech,

he was dropping F-bombs and said, Trump doesn't give a shit about you, which I kind of liked. I got to be honest, I don't mind the salty language. But anyways, he appeared at the Plaza Fiesta, an indoor Latin shopping mall. Why do you have an indoor Latin shopping mall in fucking Atlanta? Stumping on behalf of gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams. stomping on behalf of gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams. And he really, a photo tweeted out by a reporter shows a tiny group listening to Perez.

Do we have the picture? Look at that. Now picture Trump's rallies. Now cut back to that. That's like me doing an open mic in Yonkers on a Tuesday night. Look at those people. And who did the backdrop? Fucking Elton John's life partner?

Holy Christ. What's that, Priscilla? What? Yeah, it's his life partner. Same thing. Oh, my God. How to slow down my comedy train i can't take it anymore i'm gonna work alone i'll work both rooms anyways that's tom perez lighting it up you can see that blue wave is eminent just from from from that but let's uh here's some of his quotes from that speech uh michelle obama always said we who who types the shit we they go low

what this person wanted to say who wrote the article is they go low we go high that's what michelle obama said then he said i have a variant of that when they go low we go vote oh don't give me that smart out of your shit and when we put hope on the ballot we win which to me that that's that's my favorite quote because yeah you understand how wrong that is obama was hope and he lost over a thousand legislative seats in his eight years he decimated the democrat party at all levels over a thousand seats and this guy's saying we put hope on the ballot we win and then he says and we put fear on the ballot we don't do so hot well no that's

trump's job according to you you're a wormy cocksucker you know that we're proud to be part of this movement to take back our democracy because our health care is on the ballot our education is on the ballot our democracy is on the ballot he declared oh my god Uh-oh. Retard alert. Retard alert. Let me help you out, Mr. Perez. That fear that you called fear, that won over your shitty hope and dreams that Hillary was carrying on Obama's legacy. Fear and hate won, if you really believe that's what Trump and his supporters stand for. It won. And the economy is booming. It's never done better.

Black and brown unemployment, record lows. Woman unemployment, record lows. Haven't heard from ISIS since Trump took over. Had a meeting with North Korea, first administration to do that. Let's ignore all that because that's doing so horribly. And that's why you have 11 people at a mall in Atlanta. I feel for you. That's about how I draw in Atlanta. I haven't been there in a few years. You should paper the room, as they say in the comedy clubs. Hey, wait a minute. I threw my last story away. Hold on. Which one is it?

No. No. Oh, it was Bernie Sanders. He said on Tuesday on MSNBC, MSNBC, I think we have a clip of what he said on MSNBC. He said that not all Trump supporters, go ahead, we'll play the clip of Bernie. For a second, that some of those supporters are racist, sexist, homophobes, xenophobes. That's true.

I don't believe that is the majority. I've been all over trump country and i think what trump was able to do is pick up on the failures of the democratic party that did not talk about the fact that hard-working decent people saw their jobs going to mexico or china or people cannot afford to send don't you love uh yes there are xenophobes, racists and bigots. This coming from a guy who grew up in Brooklyn

and moved to the whitest state in the union for his political career. Vermont makes Utah look like Mogadishu. But he's going to call us bigots and racist Trump supporters.

Not all of them. Not all of them. The majority of them. I've been all over Trump country. Sometimes I go there to meet the Gentiles. And I like when Bernie talks. It's like he's writing an imaginary letter to Santa Claus. You kids get the fuck off my lawn.

So we have to give him a little credit. We're not all racists and bigots, he said from Snow White, Burlington, Vermont. That's Snow White year round, even in July. I kind of like Bernie. Look, Democratic Socialists, he's fucking wacky. They can't do math on the left. They're not business people. That's why he thinks we can afford free college and health care for everybody.

Those silly wet dreams he has. But I like a curmudgeon. I like a guy... I do. He's kind of a prick and I like when he gets his panties in a bunch when he's on Meet the Press when somebody actually has the balls to push back against some of

his fucking lunacy. He lets him have it. He's 74 years old. He still has the energy. Anyhow, so we're not all. I can sleep tonight knowing that Bernie Sanders doesn't believe all us Trump supporters are racists and bigots. Do you understand him saying that or anybody else saying how silly that is? You want me to believe that Bernie's never dropped the N-bomb growing up in Brooklyn as a Jew or had a racist thought?

He wrote an article. Remember he used to, it's in my act. If you saw my inflammatory special, he wrote an article. He used to write erotica for a magazine in New York city. He actually wrote an article saying when women are having sex with their husbands They're secretly fantasizing about being raped by three guys at once and I said that's how I know he's a real socialist Even in his rape fantasies. He's sharing the pussy three ways. It's a great joke if you're offended. I'm fucking sorry Even the libs gave me a thumbs up on that one

But he couldn't get the black vote. Couldn't do it. I said, change your first name to Colonel, stupid. You had it right there. Again, that's in my fucking act. Another great, and again, everybody laughs at that. Everybody but little white kids who go to college in New York City. Everybody else, black people laugh at it.

Even libs, adult libs. Excuse me. So anyways, you guys can rest your heads easy tonight knowing that he doesn't think you're all bigots and racists. But should I save this one for tomorrow? I think I will. Hillary Clinton backs this little girl who likes to take a knee during the Pledge of Allegiance.

Of course, she got the spotlight and was famous. And I'm going to leave that one for tomorrow. I'll give you my take on that. How should we close this? The numbers are... I don't get that. Sweden we already talked about. Let's end the way that we started with my septic tank.

On a light note. Frankie, how are you? It says, Nick, your septic tank is disgusting. Do you know one that isn't? It holds fucking shit, Frank. Here's the fucking problem. I just finished a nice bowl of spaghetti carbonara. You understand?

I just ate fresh pasta, spaghetti carbonara, and I see this guy's fucking head here. I almost pooped my brains out. Alright, once again, Frank, your phone's cutting. You sound like you're calling me from a septic tank, actually. Oh, come on. Well, you've got to fucking hold the phone to your mouth like an adult.

I've been fucking listening. Let me tell you something, you red-sock cock. You can't lose one fucking week, one game, two games, nothing. Give me something. Oh, this is... Motherfucker. How good are they, Frank? This is Frank from the Bronx, a Yankees fan, obviously.

Frank, have... It's unbelievable. Let me tell you something. What a they, Frank? This is Frank from the Bronx, a Yankees fan, obviously. It's unbelievable. Let me tell you something. What a machine, Frank. I've been watching him since I was five, 1967, and I've never seen a more well-rounded team. That doesn't mean they're going to win the World Series, but it doesn't matter.

The enjoyment I have got this year is just tremendous. I don't want to face you goddamn Yankees, though. He's a great coach, though. You see this guy? He's communicating from every point of view. I mean, he's got a great coach there. He could be there a long time. I'm going to send Ice over there so we can bring him over to the Yankees.

All right, Frank, I've got to let you go because I heard every other word of that. Please get a new phone. Throw away the Fisher-Price. Let's take one more before we go uh tony and eugene tony what's going on fella how are you good nick how you doing buddy pretty good you're my last call of the day make it pithy please oh i'm just curious i got a lot of friends that claim to be independent and yeah i think that's the new word for left i mean i is it just me or do you do you see the same thing every time i see them posting something it's always a knock to the right uh this is even before trump i mean it has

nothing really to do with trump but even even when Obama was president, every time they post something, it's to knock the Republicans or conservatives, but yet they're independents. I mean, is it just me or what? No, you're absolutely right. It swung so far left in this country the last few years that what they consider it being moderate or independent or in the center is fucking 40 feet to the left still. It's all out of whack. I noticed that.

No, you're absolutely right. You're not imagining it. Hey, maybe we could be wrong. Maybe the whole world is moving that way. But again, I don't know what they can point to to justify what they believe in politically, what country is doing so well that we want that. You can't point to Venezuela. You can't point, you know, they always point to the Western European countries where everybody's on the dole.

But, you know, those countries, like I said, 10 million people or 5 million people. But, yeah, no, the whole thing is skewed. And if you're on the right and you believe in the Constitution, that makes you an extremist. So, yeah, things are way out of whack. All right. Well, as long as it ain't just me. It's just frustrating because they can't seem to defend it when I call them out on it. But it's annoying.

You're in Eugene, Oregon? Yeah. Yeah. I'm formerly from the Bay Area. Shithole, California. Boy, you love your left wing. Yeah, I can see why it's askew there. Hey, thanks for the call, Eugene.

I got to go, buddy. I got to go to the Comedy Cellar. Thank you very much. And thank you, patrons, again. Although I should say this is on Facebook and Facebook Live and YouTube. And the patrons are watching it, obviously. But thank all you guys for tuning in. Share it on Facebook and whatever you do.

Whatever dang Cook did with MySpace. Let's do that. Seemed to take off. I'm used the he figured it out first uh that is it uh what am i forgetting anything that's it i gotta go to the comedy cellar now smoke a cigarette pretend i'm funny in front of a bunch of people like oh he's kind of misogynist. Whack, whack, whack. That is it. Remember, folks, you think it, and I'll say it. You're welcome.

I'll see you tomorrow night. Take care of yourselves. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2... 10 9 8 7 6 5

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8 7 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 Oh And bright stars through the perilous fight O'er the ramparts we watched Were so gallantly streaming I'm lunchly streaming Bye.