The Nick DiPaolo Show - Smith Smacked | Nick Di Paolo Show #683

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

Will Smith apologizes. Rock not pressing charges. Former LA DA says he should. FLA gun bust. SF smash & grab-ass.

🎵 Oh yeah, oh yeah. Hi folks, how you is? What it was and what it is. Welcome to the big show on a filthy Tuesday. State of Georgia, state of confusion, world in flux. Biden just... It's kind of we got Mr. Magoo fucking going like this to a crazy Russian leader who would love to press the button. I don't think anything would make him harder

than to melt down the United States. And we got Ding back going, oh, we got to get him out of there. I'm not even going to talk about it. Everybody's, we fucking, this happens when you steal an election. Un-fucking-unbelievable. I said this, I'm going to keep saying it. Hey, Republicans,

you haven't even said let's invoke the 25th. Is it the 25th? To get them the fuck, it's all a big show. It's a big show. And may Nancy Pelosi get ovarian cancer if she has any ovaries left. I don't know how it works. Maybe she shit them out after a Haagen-Dazs bite. You see her bragging about her ice cream? She has it in the morning for breakfast. She was on the news yesterday saying it's great for breakfast. You wonder why. You wonder why her brain has fucking rotted

like a summer squash in February. Go ahead, have a cup of mint chocolate chip, you douche. How to start your day. Breakfast of champions. Her and Biden with their ice cream fix. People in their late thousands. All right. What did I do yesterday? Anything? No. Said I was going to work out here. Estelle. I sat here reading more stories after the show. How does that make any sense?

Well, I get a little fascinated with the Will Smith, Chris Rock thing because that one hit home a little just because I know what it's like to be behind the curtain down there and I know Chris very well and his person and it still angers me. It still fucking angers me. And Will Smith is an unstable guy. He's insecure. He's been angry for a long...

I love how they're just playing it up like, oh my God, he snapped. He's been a fucking... And his wife is even angrier. And I don't know this for a fact, but I know people in the business that said, again, secondhand, but I wouldn't doubt it, that he is gay and she's a lesbian.

And it's kind of one of those fake arrangements. Which, I don't know, but there's something pissing them both off. It might make sense, though, considering that they have this weird open relationship stuff going. Yeah, I mean, most, I don't know. That could be part of it,

but most open relationships, people are heterosexual pigs. They just want to fuck. Maybe that's the case with them. I don't know. I've heard it for years. It's a fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Anyway, he's just fucking very unstable,

and the fact that nobody had the balls to say, get up and get out. That was just a metaphor, an analogy, whatever for Hollywood. And you could, he could have fucking knocked out a white girl and they would have let him, that's just how it is. And if that was a white guy

slapping a fucking black, he would have been fucking arrested on site. I hate to keep pointing out the double, triple, quadruple standards, but you have to because some people aren't even aware of them yet after all this shit. So I'm going to go over some more of this stuff, because the story keeps getting a little interesting. And he apologized yesterday to Chris Rock. Will Smith yesterday

issued a public apology, which he didn't do before. He didn't include Chris in the first one, to Chris Rock for slapping comedian across the face at the Oscars, a primetime meltdown that is now the subject of a formal, here's the formal review. Bunch of fucking faggy white guys going, Jesus Christ, I mean, that's fun on a Saturday night, I mean, you know, when you and I do it, Dave, but I mean, come on, Chris is a good guy and Will's a good guy, you know what, let's I do it, Dave, but I mean, come on. Chris is a good guy and Will's a good guy. You know what? Let's not do anything about it.

End of story. A formal review. What are they going to do? Have fucking Tom Cruise get together with a bunch of other movie stars? I mean, stop the horseshit. Anyways, a formal review by the award show's organizers. But he did say, he did apologize to Chris. I apologize.

What's the matter with you? Sorry. The fuck is the matter with you? This is the apology that the fresh prince of douchebag city. I would like to publicly apologize to you, Chris. Smith wrote in a statement posted to Instagram. I was out of line and I was wrong. I am embarrassed and my actions were not indicative of the man I want to be, the actor wrote.

Jokes at my expense are part of the man I want to be, the actor wrote. Jokes at my expense are part of the job, but a joke about my, see, this is where he kind of backpedals on, about my Jada's medical condition was too much for me to bear, and I reacted emotionally. These blacks. Who knows where they're going to take the wrong way?

Violence in all of its forms is poisonous and destructive. That's why I became a hip-hop artist. My behavior at last night's Academy Awards was unacceptable and inexcusable, Will Smith added in his Monday statement. I always wonder if people, whether it's athletes, other famous people, write that or their lawyers do. You know what I mean?

Or maybe it's heartfelt. I don't know. These guys are crazy. They can be emotionally nuts and I guarantee he had drinks in him. I guarantee in about a few weeks he's going to go. He's in rehab. They'll come up with something to make it look like it wasn't his fault. You know what I mean? It was just a

hey, I think we've all had a few drinks in us and lashed out when we were younger at a bar or whatever. You know what I mean? Right, Dallas? Oh, yeah. Yeah? After a few pops, somebody mouths off and fucking, then you feel like an idiot.

You just don't do it in front of a billion, or should I say 11 people on TV. Will Smith, who won the Best Actor award for King Richard, went on to apologize to the Academy producers of the show. By the way, that was an all-black first production team. All the attendees and everyone watching around the world, as well as to the Williams family and my King Richard's family. And I think he said, King Richard, that would be Serena Williams and Venus Williams. His dad said, you you got to grow up. You're not a kid anymore.

You got to grow up. Sounds a lot like Tony Soprano. He didn't. He, this is not in the article, but he being King Richard, the real guy, the tennis player's dad, said he was way out of line, Will Smith, and did not condone any of that shit. I like the way it was pretty clever how Will worked it into his acceptance speech about defending Philly. I don't want to hate the guy, but I've read so many articles

where he comes across as a bitter racist. His wife is even worse. So he actually pulled a whole multi-million dollar picture out of Georgia because of the election thing, based on race. The election thing or the abortion thing? No, you're right.

It was the abortion thing. But it was also voter rights. He's been against that too. Of course, of course. Anything that smells of fake racism, by the way. That's why I don't like him or her. She's even worse.

Now, here's a weird story that's relative to what we're talking about. Last year, this is called a rehearsal slap, in footage obtained by TMZ, a video from last year's Oscar winner Will Smith demonstrating the art of a faux slap to a group of kids. What the fuck? You're going to eat lightning and you're going to crap thunder. The youngster, reportedly named Chris, an unfortunate coincidence,

asked Smith how he fakes fights in his famous films. Even when they're little black kids, they want to know how to... How do you fucking murder and kill? No, I'm joking. Folks, relax for the love of Jesus. He wanted to know how Will fakes fights in his films. And when he asked Will that, Will said this. That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it.

But then somebody made him do it anyway. This is called twisting the truth. Naturally, the seeming slapaholic showed the kid. While Smith didn't actually slap this Chris, it was eerily foreboding of the series of unfortunate events that were the 94th Academy Awards. Take a look at this. It's pretty, it is kind of weird that he was doing this last year,

and the world is just a weird thing, but check this out. Basically, what I'm going to do is I'm going to do this out that right and you just turn your head when i go hey violence what's the idea kid did it pretty good I'll just go. There you go. Hey, violence. What's the idea? Kid did it pretty good. Get upstairs. Sit down.

When they do that in the movie, is he saying that that hand slaps that hand? No. They provide the sound effect, right? Yeah, just timing. Yeah. That was pretty effect. Right? Yeah. That was pretty good. Kid did good.

And then later on, Will really smacked him. Because he stole some pretzels out of a dish in the green room. Nick, quit lying. Anyways, a little more follow-up on this story, then we'll move on to diarrhea and Ukraine. In that order. The Wall Street Journal reported that

Chris Rock's joke wasn't on the teleprompter. Here's where it gets interesting and why I brought all this up again today. I forgot to tell you guys. When we were writing for Chris Rock on the Oscars when he hosted the whole show, 15 years ago, whatever it was, we had a fake,

a bunch of fake jokes in the teleprompter to fool, because they want to check the jokes before the show. And they'll say, that one's too wrapped up. And we know they're going to cut half the shit. So we put fake jokes in. I probably just gave away a nice secret. I don't know if Chris is ever going to want to host again anyway. So we put fake jokes in the book, you know, and they approve it. We put these squeaky clean gay stupid, oh, yeah, that's good. That's a good one. And then the show styles we put in the real thing. You know what I'm saying?

That's what you have to do. It's so PC. And it was fun, man. Like I said, I was privileged. Me and Richard Jenney and Jeff Stillson, who's been Chris's executive producer on his HBO show and stuff. We, us three were down behind the curtain out of like 10 people to come up with shit on the, but what I said yesterday was, I think I said it on the show. I know I said it to my wife when this, I said, people have gone, that wasn't even a good joke. It was an off-the-cuff...

I guarantee that was an off-the-cuff. I said to my wife, that's something a comic... First of all, the people criticizing saying it wasn't a good Howard Sturt. You couldn't think of that joke in a million years. Even though it was an off-the-cuff comment. They act

like it was in a teleprompter. You know what I mean? He saw that fucking head. That's what comics do. It was a funny line. You saw Will laughing at his fucking dirtbag wife. Anyways, it wasn't in the teleprompter. We know that. Nor was it practiced in rehearsal.

Exactly. Meanwhile, Rock reportedly did not know that Pinkett Smith suffers from alopecia, which causes hair loss. And I believe him. I didn't know that. I don't know nothing about that. Hey, Chris, what about her haircut? I don't know nothing about that.

After the slap, LAPD officers asked Rock if he wanted to press charges against Smith, and Chris, to his credit, said no, and left soon after, because if he did, he'd be known a bitch in the black community, he was stunned, let me, here's another prediction, they'll be friends again with the next, you'll see them at something, hugging it out, because he was stunned and a little bit shook, the source said. During the commercial, he handled it beautifully. You get cracked across the face, and he even took time and got a laugh on the next line instead of Chase jumping off the stage.

During the commercial breaks, movie mogul Tyler Perry and Bradley Cooper also tried to calm Smith down. Fellow nominee Nicole Kidman was seen giving Smith the hug. That picture was from like a year. They try using that. That's an old picture. That's her

when she saw how short Tom Cruise was. Oh, poor you. Anyways, Will Smith was wiping his eyes of tears. He knew it was not good, said Hollywood reporter, awards columnist Scott Feinberg. And, you know, I'm guaranteed he had a few in him. And when you're doing it, you think it's the right, then you sit down with it.

I just fucking, what did you do? You just made the Oscars fun and interesting. Next week, next year, they should have Johnny Depp and three of his ex-wives are fucking do. What did you do? You just made the Oscars fun and interesting. Next year they should have Johnny Depp and three of his ex-wives are fucking hosting. Or whoever. I can't even think of people. Meanwhile, it was clear that Smith would not be leaving the ceremony.

Of course. He has black privilege in Hollywood. Everybody started to realize, oh my God, he's going to get back up there. They did not escort. I guarantee nobody was shocked in that theater because that's how it goes. He could have kicked a baby in the face, said Matt Bellini, the former editor of The Hollywood Reporter. So Will wasn't going nowhere. I'm staying right here.

Despite his act of violence, the crowd gave him a standing ovation. There you go. This just sums up the left's mentality. Just sums it right the fuck up. Imagine if it was Mel Gibson or, right? Just pick, I don't know, Tom Selleck. Anybody that leans right. Can you imagine?

Fucking, you'd be crucified. Any white person. Just trying to think of people that know that were famous that would be at the Oscars. Anybody but Tom Brady. Even the brothers in Hollywood were like, this guy's fucking, we're going to make movies with him in a few years. The crowd gave him a standing ovation. That's right, a violent guy.

Although, Baloney, Melanie, B-E-L-L-O-N, let's call him Baloney, said that some people in his row refused to clap. Oh, my God, they must be racist. That's your world. I just live in it. Instead of going to the press room after his win, as is the norm, Smith returned to his seat where he held hands with his fake wife. Meanwhile, his King Richard co-star, Ajanu Ellis, sat next to him and placed her hand on his arm as all three watched Coda get best picture. And a shout out to my friends, CJ Cortland and Tony V, a comedian from Boston who does a lot of acting now. They were both in CODA. And I think I can mention I shot a movie this summer with Louie, right?

It's out in the open. It's out in the open, right? Yeah, they were in that. Tony V, I've known forever. And they must get a trophy. You're in the right. You're in the best picture. Doesn't everybody get a trophy?

Gotta be. Anyways, next story. Bad Wolf Hunting. Nick, you won't let it go. I know. Well, I just, a lot of shit broke after. A former L.A. County District Attorney said Monday that Will Smith could and should still be prosecuted for slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars,

even though the comedian declined to press charges. Counselor! Counselor! Will, are you there? Could you be there? Ah, fuck it. The Los Angeles City Attorney could bring charges based upon the evidence without necessarily relying upon the victim, Steve Cooley, the L.A. County District Attorney from 2000 to 2012, told the Post. Think about who the L.A. District Attorney is now.

You know what I'm saying? He'd fucking, he could have stabbed Chris and he'd be like, whatever. The victim does not control, I didn't know this, whether or not a prosecutor, well, I know that, but should file charges. However, charges actually can and should be filed because the offense was against the state of California, which seems kind of, huh? I mean, it happened in California, not against the state. I mean, if you burned, if you polluted Malibu Beach, that would be against the state. I don't know anything.

It's not Chris Rock versus Will Smith in a criminal matter. Why the fuck not? I don't understand. If Will Smith slapped Chris Rock on his front lawn, it would be a criminal matter, wouldn't it? The LAPD and the city attorney should not close the door on what was an obvious criminal offense and is easily provable, said Cooley, which I kind of agree with. But, you know, a lot of people in the hood are like, forget it, scram, get out of here. Cooley said the LAPD and the Los Angeles prosecutors should pursue the case. Smith could be charged with simple misdemeanor battery, the former district attorney said.

Yeah, he should do. Let's make him do a month in L.A. County jail. Even my buddy Artie Lang did a couple months in L.A. County. Imagine? He said he was handcuffed while he was taking showers. Oh, my. Imagine, he said he was handcuffed while he was taking showers. Oh my, oh my. LA County. Robert Downey Jr. Anyway, that was my wedding song. Hello? Want to see me as a 90-year-old man? Boy, the way them horses resting around, it takes a storm to grow in. Ah, for the love of my sister's

asshole. I still got 24 minutes to go. Goodness gracious, Eloise. Let's lighten it up. This is related to what we're talking about, but only in a different way that's going to make you laugh. I call this fun before progressives took it away. In reaction to Will Smith and the incident,

Don Rickles and Ronald Reagan are trending on social media. And as you guys know, I've played clips of Rickles before, who is the embodiment of a comic. He's just the, you know, if you're a good comic, a good one, which I mean funny by nature, and you can write a joke. Everybody should have the ability to be this quick off the cuff. I think it's a prerequisite. And, you know, there's about 12 people who are that quick. But this is when you could say funny shit, even to a little black kid, that few young people, that's Webster.

He had a hit show back in the 80s. This was when Reagan was president. And Don Rickles. I love that this is trending on social media, which sort of tells me people have had enough of this PC shit. They're ruining everything. They're fucking up sports with it. It's a Marxist ideology. Don't even think of it as Democrats being PC. They're too dumb to know what they're exercising. This is all designed to divide us, and it's working beautifully. But we are so fucking tired of it, and the only way to defeat political correctness is by being politically incorrect. I know you're going to worry about getting

canceled. Okay, then, fuck it. Don't whine. You've got to fucking stand up. It's easy for me to say they can't fucking find me on the radar in this business. They think I'm so racist they won't even bother with me. I think I'm in a good spot. Even though I worked for Chris Rock for two years. That's how racist I am. Oh, you can't say you have a black friend. Okay, so if I say I don't

have black friends, I'm a racist. And if I do, I'm a racist. Suck a bag of white fucking European cocks. Watch my boy Donnie Rickles. And again, this was trending social media. People put it up after this Will Smith just to go look how fun it is when we could speak on my back then.

Check out some of these clips. Be funny. He handles it beautifully. He handles it beautifully. First black kid I ever saw that'll definitely never play basketball. Pause. Can you imagine saying that today? Huh?

You don't think black people were laughing at that? Everybody was laughing at it? Give me a fucking break. Look what you Dems have done. This is what this is going to be at a lecture. Suck the fun out of life, you motherless poopy heads. Sorry for the strong language.

Go ahead. Good evening, Mr. President. Nice to see you, sir, and your lovely wife, Nancy. It's a big treat for me to fly all the way from California to be here for this kind of money. Now here's more clips of when you could be politically incorrect. You guys remember Rickles if you're my age or a little younger on these great Dean Martin and Rosen Friday nights. But here's, again, before liberalism, progress, PC politics, ruin the world, here we go. Don Rickles. You know, a lot of people wonder why Don is so mean. There's a reason for that. You see, he's been that way ever since he found out Eva Braun was two-timing him.

Eva Braun, folks, was Hitler's girlfriend. That's why that's funny. Anyways. Rickles is Jewish. Go ahead. The greatest thing I can say to Governor Reagan or Regan, whatever they call you. What do they call you, Governor? The greatest thing I can say to Governor Reagan or Regan, whatever they call you, what do they call you, Governor?

The greatest moment I remember in your career was when you said to Pat O'Brien, the kipper is dying. And I got a note that I thought it was a fish. Now the Gentile gentleman here had no idea, a kipper. That's a Jewish fish, don't be dumb, I hate a dumb guy. He wouldn't be governor if my people didn't go, okay. There's always one dumb guy in the audience. Bye-bye. And that's what makes our country so fantastic. We have different people, as I do. I stand on a stage, or on a lectern, or I stand here next to Dean Martin, one of the great guys,

and I say this from my heart, Dean, you have a problem. a problem. They've made fun of alcoholism, Jewish, Gentile, whatever the fuck. Him making fun of the little black kid Webster. All of it cancelable.

If you are, you know, right-leaning or whatever. So, again, to you fucking libs out there, right here. To the AOCs of the world, your generation, right here. To the millenniums who over 50% think they're not down with complete freedom of speech, right here. It's what separates us from the rest of the shitholes and makes life so fun. You don't want to live in a country where you can go to the president. You suck

right to his face and you're fine. How? And then there's comedians that lean left who have a problem with jokes that are unpeopled. So you're not a comedian. Don't call yourself a comic. You don't even know what you do for a living. That is the definition

of a hack, by the way. I do this... I'm too into the free speech. That's why I'm so abrasive and curse a lot. That's how I talk with my friends offstage. I want to be the same person. And I want to remind people

that you can say these horrible words because it's a gift for comics. That's all I'm saying. Enough of the fucking horseshit. Let's move on, shall we? No, no, no! Yes!

No! In our FLA segment tonight, ladies and... Son, fun, and guns. Florida officials... Here we go. I'm going to have to explain. Again, remember how to read the news with Uncle Nick? Florida officials, and here we go. I'm going to have to explain. Again, remember how to read the news with Uncle Nick? Florida officials seized a staggering 75 guns from rampaging partiers in a spring break

beach town this past weekend alone. Right there, I'm going to stop and ask the question, how many of the people that had guns were white? I'm sure there were a few, but I'm just saying. Because, you know, it was never a problem until they had Freaky Deaky Day in Atlanta and fucking whatever. And I know you're going, oh, bullshit. Miami Beach. I don't remember problems. So anyways, in the beach town this past weekend alone, 75 guns, calling it enough firepower to arm a small army.

That's what the cops said, I guess. Do you want to go to war? Come on. Do you want to go to war? No, I want to go to Fort Lauderdale. I want to go to Spring Break, the elbow room. You know what I'm saying? The Clevelander.

Those places are still there where I threw up in high school. What we saw this past weekend is absolutely unacceptable. Panama City Beach Police Chief J.R. Telemontes said on Monday, you're goddamn right, here he is, this guy takes his job seriously, but why would you bring guns to a fucking spring break? You're going to rape people? I mean, the girls are giving it away after three, you know, rum runners and a couple pills in their drink. I kid you, Mongloids.

Go ahead. Let's listen to the chief of police in Panama City. What we saw this past weekend is absolutely unacceptable, period. In front of you, you see a representation of the danger facing our community and our law enforcement officers. These guns were taken over a period of two days. It could arm a small army. Semi-automatic weapons, long rifles. These are weapons brought to a resort destination.

These were weapons brought to a beach. I don't think sunblock 44 is going to stop those okay again we can't bring race into this and until we can on tv and have a adult conversation okay if you don't want to call it race culture let's say culture because it isn't about skin color it's about culture now who which culture is big on shooting each other up and other people once in a while? Can we have that conversation? I want to know how many of the kids busted

were white versus the other colors. That way you could go, oh, we're having a problem with this group specifically. But then you'd be called racist. And therein is where we are and why it's never going to get better.

Somebody get me the stats on that. I'll give you a fucking hot pocket. The behavior of these pathetic cowards, this is the chief talking, that came to our beach and committed these crimes because there were a few people that got wounded. Their actions will not be tolerated. Well, I've been hearing that now for 10 years, and I've been seeing Miami Beach turned into a fucking, you know. The surging weekend chaos culminated in the non-fatal shooting of an Alabama man in Panama City Beach on Sunday. Hmm, Javante Sanders. Can I go out on a limb and say he's black? 22 was busted in relation

to the shooting. Don't you move, you motherfucker! I'll blow your brains out! Authorities have been struggling to contain spiraling spring break revelry in several Florida areas, including Miami Beach, following a pair of shootings last weekend.

What fun, huh? Just violent fucking, I'm sorry. Miami Beach's Democratic Mayor Dan Gelber imposed both a state of emergency. Can you imagine? Because of spring break, you have a state of emergency. This country is rotten to the core right now. You know why? It doesn't work. This whole idea bring thousands of cultures to live one country, it's failed miserably. So what do we say we all go to our rooms?

Hey that was well put without insulting anybody. State of emergency and curfew for the South Beach area from 12 a.m. last Thursday to 6 a.m. on Monday, so he's had enough here. All right, get up! Yeah! Can you imagine if you lived down there and you have to deal with this shit? Palm Beach, excuse me, Panama Beach cops displayed an array of confiscated firearms. Monday reported 161 arrests over the weekend. Oh, can I get the breakdown on that racially, too? Well, why does that matter?

We're all humans. Yeah, but God made us look different. That way we could sort out the good from the bad. Just like some steaks are poisonous, we know what they look like. They have black diamonds on them and shit. You see how that, okay? Anyways, let's move on to something from San Francisco.

This city's terrific if you want to step in human feces and fucking fentanyl AIDS. I just made that up. Fentanyl AIDS. Okay, there was a naked black guy in a department store in San Francisco. And he was escorted down the escalator where, lo and behold, the transgender employee's boyfriend was there waiting. So I guess they had a run in. There he is completely.

The boyfriend whacks the naked man with a sign knocking him to the floor. The naked man then picks up the sign, follows the boyfriend outside. Let's take a look. This is unbelievable. This is in a department store. It's not even shocking anymore, right? Check this out. It's kind of fun to watch, actually. to watch actually Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh my God. I have no idea. I don't know who he is.

I don't know who he is. Oh my God. Stay back. Stay back. Stay back. Stay back. Stay back. Stay back.

San Francisco PD is on their way. Hey, let him go. Let him go. This guy says go get him. That guy's helping the kid. Nobody even knows he's naked. What the fuck is going on? He's looking at you, kid.

Look at him, bare ass on the escalator. I didn't read anything about drugs being mentioned. Transgender was mentioned. Apparently he had a beef with some transgender's boyfriend, whatever the fuck. Mental illness on display once again makes for great entertainment. Oh boy, is this great?

Unfriggin' believable. Clank on the fucking head. That is it, ladies and gentlemen. Don't forget to go to thecomicsgym.com and sign up monthly. Or patreon.com, nickdip.com. Don't forget thecameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative,

go to cameo.com and they'll tell you how to a friend or relative, go to cameo.com, and they'll tell you how to do it. I'll make a recording zinging your friends, whatever, on my phone. We'll send it right to them. Makes a good gift, actually. It really does.

I wouldn't just say that. I'm not Mike Lindell. How tired am I of him? Guy puts my in front of anything, and it's his now. My flagpole. See, the best flagpoles of my fire hydrants. Anyways, that's it. You guys think it, I'll say it.

You're very welcome. We'll see you back here at the same time tomorrow. I don't know. guitar solo Thanks for watching!