The Nick DiPaolo Show - Sorry Socialists Stomped Soundly

Episode Date: August 9, 2018

Ocasio and friends have a tough Tuesday, blame Russia, and trash the Green party.

Yeah! Yeah! Hey! How are you, folks? Wednesday. A muggy Wednesday. I hate August. Always did. Just a ball sticking to your legs month. I never fucking liked it. Can't wait till it goes away. Favorite month's October. Why, you say? Well, because you have playoff baseball,

you have hockey kicking off, the NFL has already kicked off, even the NBA, if you like that horse shit. I don't know, preseason. When's the NBA kickoff, fellas? You know, a couple of white kids who believe in that shit.

None of us know. None of us, like there's a thousand people in the book. How are you, folks? 833-599-NICK. 833-599-6425. 833-599-6425 is the phone number. Tonight, I'll be at the Village Underground, right around the corner from the Comedy Cellar, where I was last night.

Didn't really enjoy myself. I used to own that room. Everything gets a moan. David Tell, I ran into him. He said, yeah, it's the Comedy Cellar where I was last night. Didn't really enjoy myself. I used to own that room. Everything gets a moan. David Tell, I ran into him. He said, yeah, it's the moan room. Everything gets a moan. It's sad. It is sad what Pete Holmes and people like that have done to comedy with their fucking just bland garbage.

And I'm watching them file in. And, you know, it's girls in their 20s and i'm like yeah that excited me years ago when they used to but now you know that's not who i want to fucking play to and i mean the shit i was saying that got nervous laughs and quiet it's just new york city for somebody like me has to be the worst place to comedy. I didn't fucking bomb because I've been doing this forever. I know how to save myself. But I didn't have a good time. Couldn't wait to get off. I mean, I bring up Anthony Bourdain and the place gets quiet.

Like he's some type of fucking icon. And a couple other references that have been getting laughs for years. And then I call i call them on it i said what happened to this room what happened to your generation and they start laughing because they're they're even conscious of how pc they are and when you call them on it they laugh um but it's oh it's just that's not what comedy is. You go to UC Comics, you go to Cut Loose. You want to go to a comedy called Live to Hear Shit You Can't Hear on ABC at 8 o'clock during a sitcom or NBC or CBS.

But that's what's in their DNA. And they're on social media being poisoned by this PC horseshit. And that room's tricky. Look, I played it every night for years. It's where I cut my teeth. But once Louis C.K. used it for his TV show, it became a tourist attraction. And people from all over the country. I can't make a table of Germans laugh or Spaniards that don't speak English.

I go, why would you come out to fucking... If I was in Germany, the last place I'd go was a comedy club. Why would you fucking... Although they do speak English. The rest of the world does speak English, as they should. So we dominate the planet. Oh, that's horrible to say. Anyways, so come see me tonight if you want to hear more of that shitty attitude.

And then Saturday, September 1st, the Fat Black Pussycat. Saturday, September 8th, the Fat Black Pussycat. Friday, September 14th. Saturday, September 15th, Arlington Drafthouse in Arlington, Virginia. Friday, September 21st, the Orpheum Theater in Flagstaff. I gave my wife the new dates. I don't see them on here for next week at the Comedy Cellar, Tuesday and Wednesday night. Somebody's not doing their homework.

Saturday, September 29th, the Fat Black Pussycat New York City. And don't come out if you're a fucking tight ass and you think crashing is funny and you like Nanette and Netflix and shit. Do me a favor, okay? Fucking just don't come out. Usually at the Fat Black it's people they know. I fucking actually took a couple pictures again last night. People waiting in line. But it's just all young broads.

And that's not who I'm trying to make laugh. I'm 56. I'm not trying to make a fucking 23-year-old from NYU laugh. If she's laughing at me, it depresses me. I'm not trying to make a fucking 23-year-old from NYU laugh. If she's laughing at me, it depresses me. Go to your professors, you know, the ones with the crew cuts and the 11 rings in their nose to tell you how much the white man is evil, and then come to my show. And you'll be like, this is a breath of fresh air. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

This is, what, the Wednesday show, which streams live on, you know, Facebook and YouTube and other joints. We'll do it live. Okay. We'll do it live. Fuck it. Do it live. I'll write it and we'll do it live. That's me yelling at the twinks about a half hour ago.

Say hi to the twinks. That's Jason and i want to call him ryan that's my name yeah here you go look at you two you guys are dressed i love it did my where did you get those you're going in the closet next door grab them uh your wife gave them to us the first day we got here how dare she she'll be giving you my dress slacks next and my derby. Hey, shout out to Peter Noonan. Who's Peter Noonan? He's the latest guy to join at the Michael Corleone level,

the $30 a month level. You know why? Because Pete loves this show and has great taste. And people, we got about six more after the show, new subscribers last night so it's doing what i wanted to do let's keep up the power before i get kicked off can we so i have another story to

tell the next time i'm interviewed how i took it in the ass from the left 833-599-6425 in a number thank you peter. It's appreciated. We have over 60 people at the Michael level. A few people don't think there's a market for it. Anyways. Hey, CNN get caught red-handed doing what? Telling the truth for 30 seconds. Put up that photo, could you?

CNN. Ryan's a big fan. Trump and Obama by the numbers economy wise and uh i believe this is uh trump at the same point obama was in his presidency might even be when obama was i don't give a shit obama couldn't run a fucking lemonade stand because he's a community organizer marxist slash communist and um that's why. First president in the history of the planet, actually in the United States, never to reach

3.0 as far as GDP growth. First one ever. He raised the deficit or the debt by more than all the presidents combined. Look at those fucking numbers. Look at that guy on the left CNN having a stroke.

My left arm is going dead. I can't feel my left arm. Is it really this bad? Yes, it is. Look at that. Jobs added minus two point, and I don't want to hear, well, he took over an economy.

George W. Bush, it wasn't a strong economy he took over, but it wasn't that. His numbers are like he fucking, he's leading Venezuela right now as far as the economy goes. Look at those dog shit numbers. And what do you draw from that? I draw that people voted for Obama. First of all, all black people. And by the way, when I say all, literally 98.9% said they voted for him because he was black. And that's when I was actually, God bless the black people and by the way when i say all literally 98.9 percent said they voted for him

because he was black and that's when i was actually god bless the black people and and that's understandable if i was black i would have done the same thing i voted for mussolini's cousin twice in a in a runoff in pennsylvania and uh but no he got by on his charisma and his fucking big tiger woods shit-eating grin and um white people voted for him because they were like hey i can prove i'm not a racist i can prove i'm not a racist by voting for the first african-american president trump however who has the shittiest personality i'll be the first one to say it definitely didn't get enough love from mom and dad and apparently nobody patted him on the back when he was growing up because that's all he does but you know what he predicted this this is what he said in his campaign promises you can make fun of this guy all you fucking want and we do when

he says shit on Twitter. And then a month later, you go, he was right again, actually. So I know Ryan has problems with these numbers because he was a big Jill Stein fan. But that's the economy, and that's how people vote. It's your wallet, stupid. And can you imagine what Trump would do without having the fucking Department of Justice, the FBI,

and some of the rhinos in the Democrat Party and 98% of the mainstream media fucking fiddling with him and hanging onto his leg like a sad puppy? Imagine what he'd be capable of. Who cares that he's a narcissist and a little conceited and braggadocious? Who gives a rat's ass? More money and your fucking wallet. And good luck to you guys, the Pelosi lovers. And, oh, wages haven't gone up.

And that's crumbs. Their paycheck going up a couple hundred dollars a week. That's crumbs. It's more than fucking you know who gave us. What's the guy's name? The first African-American president? That's right, fellas. Go dead. it's more than fucking you know who gave us what's the guy's name the first african-american president that's right fellas go dead i don't blame you i would too but uh look i don't even know we had a black president go back go back to that but we never did obama's whiter than you me and fucking

jason combined ryan are you kidding me? Look at the guy. The guy's literally having a stroke on CNN on the left. Look at him. I can't feel my arm. The motherfucker's gone numb. Look at these numbers. As my boss said, when I sold steak and seafood door to door when I got out of college

and you'd have a bad week, he'd go, hey, liars don't figure, and figures don't lie. It's a good one, isn't it? Jason had that as his quote under his yearbook picture in high school. Did you know that, Jason? Yeah, no, that's a creed I live by. I thought that was Ryan talking. I was about to go, Ryan, I asked Jason.

You guys have identical voices, never mind waistlines. What? It's not a bong. That's a A&W Diet Root Beer and Bacardi. Go ahead, Ryan. Yes. Jason's a 29 waistline and I'm somehow a 32. You are not a 32 waistline and I'm somehow a 32. You are not a 32 waistline.

I have no idea why. I don't either. I just saw you with your shirt off. You look like a white kid from Bangladesh. Somebody throw him a fucking donut. Please watch Leave it to Beaver. Please watch it if you want to see white America in the 50s. Why do I watch it?

Because the husband makes fun of the wife every other fucking episode. It's so goddamn refreshing. It makes me harder than a fucking shark's tooth. 833-599-6425. Eventually these shows will be in cars, I was told. Apparently not today. What do we got here? Last night, again, this show, folks, I don't get into the weeds politically normally, you know?

I don't get into the vote counting and how some congressman voted on the farm bill and shit. It's more macro, more cultural, the bigger issues, gender race and whatnot, farm bill and shit we don't it's more macro more cultural the bigger issues gender race and whatnot because that's where it really matters to us normal people uh working class stiffs and whatnot but last night they had a special election they call it in the state of ohio in a district that trump beat hillary by 11 to 12 points so uh this guy balderson was going against some guy o'connor and uh the dems were just this if the democrats win this one this will be proof that the blue wave is coming and um it was close it was but apparently the guy that trump backed and trump takes credit for it in one of his tweets. Balderson won by a red CH. That's a red cunt hair for you people who aren't cool. And Jason just cringed.

God bless you. The parents of the millennials. I don't know what you did to your kids. No, I was laughing. It just caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting it. Anyways. Red cunt hair.

All right. No need to repeat it. I actually had music for this. I pulled up Alice Cooper's Elected. I'm Top Cut Prime Meat. I'm your choice. I want to be elected. I'm a Yankee Doodle Daddy and an old rose.

Anyways, I pulled it up and I go to play it. We test the sound drops. Nothing but an instrumental. I don't know how that happened. Anyways, that's about it. Anyway, I go to play it. We test the sound drops. Nothing but an instrumental. I don't know how that happened. Anyways, that's about it. Anyway, let's get to it. A buoy by a dramatic last-minute rally by President Trump State Senator Troy Balderson appeared to be inching closer to beating back a challenge by insurgent.

Just the way they're writing it, I'm guaranteed this is a left-wing publication. By insurgent Danny O'Connor, Democrat. It's for a vacant seat in the House. Some guy quit. So, a victory in the race for Ohio's historically conservative 12th congressional district would deny Democrats the major upset that they had sought ahead of the November midterm elections,

which I just told you. The winner takes the seat previously held by Pat Jerkoff-Taberi. Who dropped out. Speaking to chairing supporters Tuesday night. Ballison said O'Connor ran a hard race. In quotes. Claimed victory. Ballison claimed victory.

And in a tweet Tuesday night. Trump wrote that Ballison had won a great victory during a very tough time. This is what makes the left hate Trump and makes me like him. And I remember I was watching, I don't know what channel. I think it was Jesse Watt was interviewing people about Trump right after or right before he became president. And he interviewed a young black guy. It made me laugh so hard. A young black guy in New York City goes, we like him. We like him because he's a white man with a lot black guy. It made me laugh so hard. Young black guy in New York City goes,

we like him. We like him because he's a white man with a lot of money and doesn't try to hide it. By that logic, Trump should get some fucking grill work and some cornrows and he will...

Do you know he's doubled his support amongst African Americans since right before he got elected? Right after he got elected, he was at 15%. He's at 29%. That must have the left, Bernie Sanders and thick-ankled dogface

and anybody who voted. They must be shitting blood right now. You start tapping into the black and brown people, you fucking Democrats, you'll never win another election again. Trump should open a hip-hop studio. I'm telling you, he could finance it

with the money in his pocket. And you know why? You know why? He's doing way better. And black unemployment is at a record low. But here's the real reason, in my opinion. You remember he pardoned Jack Johnson, who was a black boxer,

who actually got thrown in jail back in the 30s because he took a white girl across state lines? Trump pardoned him a couple months ago and and and pardoned a black woman named i want to say sally johnson her last name was johnson who got thrown in jail for she was a single mom and and and it was some minor drug offense and she had been doing like prison time he pardoned her to that shit goes a long way not to be too cynical that it's all politics but it was alice johnson alice johnson yes she was my babysitter she gave me a line of cocaine one night when i was like six and i grinded my little baby teeth into baby powder 63 year old grandmother jailed in 1996. There you go.

And Trump pardoned her. And I'm saying that's why he doubled his support. Don't you think? Even more than the economy. I swear to God, that's more important. Stallone was there when they pardoned Jack Johnson. Sylvester Stallone was behind. You know what? This guy was treated unfairly, and I think President Trump is going to take care of it. Jack Johnson,

he like white pussy like I do. You need a manager, Rock! You need a manager, you want white pussy, you need a manager! I'm losing my fucking mind this woman was jailed alongside 15 others for being in a cocaine distribution ring okay so she should have went to fucking jail

but the point is I guess it was way too harsh according to most people the point is Trump pardoned her that and the Jack Johnson thing did not hurt he should pardon

every black person in jail right now. Except for the murderers and rapists. Just go, you know what? I think it's unfair. Got to do this when you're doing Trump. This is his tweet. This is, when I decided to go to ohio for troy balderson he was down in early voting 64 to 36 and that was true he was getting smoked that was not good after my speech on saturday night

there was a big turn for the better now try wins a great victory during a very tough time of the year for voting he will win big in november we don't know that yet by the way he won by like uh 1100 votes or some stuff so it's so close that they they have to do all they have to get all the uh overseas ballots the military ballots which i'm guessing is going to go for trump uh so they're not going to declare it for another couple weeks when it's under a certain when it's that close under a percent or half a percent that's how percent, it's written right into it that they do a recount and they have to wait. But I was listening to the radio show on the way into the city last night, and he was getting crushed at about 8 o'clock, 8.30.

He was getting smoked, 64% to 31%. And then all the suburbs that are north of Columbus, like way out, deep, deep red, weighed in. They hadn't counted those votes yet. But the point is the blue wave

is turning into a fucking a trickle. My fellas don't believe me, but I really... A blue splash? A blue splash. I'm glad you threw that in there. That fucking... That's what I was looking for.

A blue splash? No. A splash is actually positive. When you make a splash... Ryan, fucking... Google splash. No, I'm kidding. A blue trickle, I'm telling you.

Anyways. O'Connor has not conceded and said in a statement released shortly before midnight, we don't know the results quite yet. The race remains too close. Balderson maintains a slim one percentage point lead

with all precincts reporting, but there are at least 3,435 provisional ballots left to be reviewed and 5,048 outstanding absentee ballots. That's enough for O'Connor to potentially pick up enough votes to force a mandatory recount. Unofficial Ohio State election totals show Ballison with 101,574 versus O'Connor's 99,820. A mere 1,754 vote difference. State officials said the boards of elections cannot begin counting those additional ballots

until the 11th day after the election, August 18th. So, but again, Trump always says this shit and we're like, you don't even know yet. And then later on, you're like you don't even know yet and then you later on you're like he was right anyways the uh the mood at o'connor's campaign headquarters uh at the ohio civil service employees association in westville had been optimistic early tuesday as a result initially indicated he was smoking the other guy Trump won the district by 11 percentage points in 2016. So the media's going to put this, and we know, they're going to go, if Balderson wins,

well, he was supposed to win it anyways. Trump won that district by 11. And if he doesn't fucking win, they're going to go, we told you there's a blue wave coming. Danny O'Connell, Danny boy, they're the lights. So they're going to square off in what less than 100 days in november for the general this is the primaries in the general election but uh they say o'connor is expected to have much less of a fighting chance in outside funding in the fall i don't't know why that is. We don't do that here.

But I'm just saying there's a lot of people on the Dem side. And by the way, I'll get to this in a few seconds. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, she got fucking embarrassed, okay? She got embarrassed.

But listen to this. This is where it gets interesting. The Democrats are blaming Russians for the Ohio loss. She'll get embarrassed. But listen to this. This is where it gets interesting. The Democrats are blaming Russians for the Ohio loss. They're saying the Green Party, which sucked away some votes, apparently, from their candidate. They're saying the Russians are... So apparently the Green Party is the Red Party, according to these fucking whining maggots. They're blaming Russia for the loss. whining maggots.

They're blaming Russia for the laws. Here are some of the highlights from Twitter. Oh God, I could never have kids that I couldn't hand back to my brothers and sisters after eight minutes. They're really cute.

Get them out of my fucking sight. Somebody hand me the heroin. Danny O'Connor could lose because of a Green party candidate this is from nate learner whoever he is these are people that waited on twitter are you fucking kidding me if you're a progressive and you voted for the green party candidate you're worse than a trump supporter hey blow me fucking mr learner you're the problem, you big dope. Here's another guy, Red. It's actually a girl.

It says, I fucking hate Green Party voters almost as much as I hate Trump supporters in all capital letters. Garrett Hank said, if you're a liberal and vote of a Green Party candidate, you may not be receiving a Christmas card from your Democratic friends. Ooh, that's a good one, Garrett. You could cancel the funny bone.

I'm fucking sorry. Adam Best. Going to lose it if the Green Party costs Democrats. Ohio 12. If you want a third party, fine. But the Green Party is never, ever going to happen. The only thing it ever accomplishes is helping elect Republicans. Here's some guy.

I don't even have his name. I'm so tired of the green party running ruining every election in their superiority complex don't people realize how the stakes are how high the stakes are yeah they do and they don't want your shit fucking candidate green stands for one thing getting republicans elect oh that's a good one every november very well put I am saying this as a once overly idealistic fool who 18 years ago voted for Nader. Fuck the Green Party until further notice. And other people. Alyssa Milano always weighs in.

When do we start listening to 80 sitcom stars with sweet tits and who do makeup infomercials? When did we start listening to them or you people on the left start listening to people like that? Alyssa Milano. She's always out there. That's who you're relying on? I mean, piece of ass, no doubt about it. Knows her way around foundation and eyeliner. That sounded sexist.

Yeah, it did. Anyways, here's where it's really funny. The guy, the Green Party guys that supposedly the votes went to that cost O'Connor the election. Where do you get a load of this guy? I'm almost going to vote Green Party after seeing this guy. This is a classic. A Green Party candidate for Congress in Ohio's nail-biter contest who won nearly enough votes to throw the race into an automatic recount

gave a speech-slurred interview this year, which he couldn't remember his own website address. Joe Manchick also says he descended from aliens and hails from the town of Hell, Michigan. That would be Detroit, wouldn't it? Would it not? There's another hell, Michigan? Balderson's apparent margin of victory was 1,754 votes,

presuming Manchuk's base would otherwise have been O'Connor supporters, which you can't really presume. The result without him would have been a hair's width. Hey, I already said that, a red CH, didn't I? Hair's width away from triggering an automatic recount. Where do you see this guy? Hold on. I'll pull him up in a second.

Election officials said Tuesday night they were, whatever. State law requires, you know all that. I just covered that. He says, this guy Manchuk says he speaks 19 languages, including Spanglish, Nicaraguan, Sign Language. I don't know if he's being serious. If he's being funny, I'd vote for this guy tomorrow. Nicaraguan, Sign Language. That's hilarious. What the fuck else did he say

trinidadian english he speaks and sheet music he says he traces his lineage back to a more far off place my distant relatives originally came to planet earth from a planet orbiting a star in the Pleiades star cluster located in the constellation of Taurus. Man, chicken. He boasts that he was voted class musician by his high school graduating class. I don't even fucking know what that means. Let's take a look

at this guy being interviewed. There you go. Awesome. And then can you tell us what that website is? Off the top of my head, I don't remember. Is it manchikforcongress.wordpress.com? Forward slash something.

I think it's manchikforcongress.wordpress.com. Let me find it. M-A-N-C-H-I-K-F-O-R-c-o-n-g-r-e-s-s dot wordpress.com. Yeah, let me find it here. I'll pull it up here. He also said he ran for Congress once before, winning more than 13,000 votes in 2016. Boy, Ohio's all over the place.

Listen to this. Clad in a rainbow peace sign t-shirt, Manchick spoke for a half hour about election finance and gun control, the Iraq war, the virtues of single-payer health care, and growing hemp, the evils of fossil fuels, and the war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu. He also called the American Israel Public Affairs Committee an American-based terrorist organization. His solution to America's growing opioid epidemic? More weed. With his voice slurring and a bottle of tequila visible in a cabinet behind him, he declared marijuana isn't addictive at all. People go wacky on opiates. And I've seen it happen personally.

I bet you have. Let me tell you something. Every person I've ever known that's on hard drugs started with fucking weed. I don't give a shit if that makes me sound old or not. Okay?

And I know kids that I graduated high school with that never stopped. They're brain dead right now. They wouldn't know an opiate from fucking skunk cabbage. And, uh, but now I see why

the people are so pissed that some votes went to this fucking screwball. Woo! You almost want to vote for a guy like this, don't you? I didn't see any tequila

behind him. Get the, uh, he couldn't remember the website off the top of his head. That's because it's filled with fucking bong water and fucking other fucking things. Hey, I'm getting a buzzer.

Ryan, you must smoke weed a little bit, huh? Back in college, yeah. That's it? Yeah. Chase? He's on the phone right now. Oh, I'm sorry. That's it back in college?

Yeah, it's been fucking years. What's the last drug you did? That. I've never done anything besides weed ever. All right. I don't want to talk to you because I can hear.

Let's go to the phone area. How shall we go to... Oh, boy. Let's go to our buddy Nathan. The phone's with Jim yesterday. I couldn't get him in. He's from Connecticut. He works in retail.

A very smart guy and very cordial sometimes. Nathan, how are you? Yes, yes. Good evening. How are you, sir? Pretty good. Thank you.

Okay. Nathan? Are you there, Nathan? What happened? Nathan? Are you there, Nathan? What happened? Nathan? Nathan? Nathan! Did we lose him?

He was one of the call-in stars of my serious show. It's good here. I don't know what happened to him. Oh, really? I'm not hearing the fella. Not our fault, by the way. I told you. I heard Rush Limbaugh on the radio talking about the very problems we have.

Now they all left. What happened, fellas? We didn't touch shit. I believe you. I told you. I was in the car listening to Limbaugh a couple days ago. He was talking about the delay because of cell phones. And they were trying to figure it out on the air

and he mentioned mix minus and all the other stuff so um i don't know what happened there hey nathan are you there yes hello i don't know if i got disconnected or something no you're on i i don't see you on the screen but i can hear you beautifully oh go ahead uh oh terrific uh i was just uh mentioning uh i'm going to be concise this evening and not take up too much of the time there. No, you're the only one right now, so you take as much as you want. We have everyone else on the line here. You just can't see them.

I can see them. We're only allowed one phone call. Go ahead, Nathan. Please go ahead. Okay, well, I'd like to speak about the Ohio election and how it represents what's going on in a lot of the country. Yes. Yes, well, Nick, I know you have a specific demographic that follows you,

and I think that's terrific. I don't, you know, I think I mentioned earlier, your average cement truck driver and forklift operator. Excuse me. Can I defend myself, Nathan? I also have lawyers and Marines and a doctor I went to in Westchester who actually found out who I was, brought me in his office. He couldn't have been more thrilled. So they're not all cement fucking contractors. Go ahead.

Your thoughts. Well, and I stand corrected. That's a wonderful group of people. Nick, it harkens back to, it sounds like maybe they're drinking the DePaulo Kool-Aid. Who knows? But that's a great group. I love the Marines and the military.

They're terrific. How about doctors and lawyers? How about doctors and lawyers? Well, doctors and lawyers, you have doctors and lawyers call your show? I most certainly have. Of course.

I don't know if they've called, but my doctor that I went to after I got sucker punched, when he found out the story, brought me in his office, and he couldn't. He was so excited to hear that I was going to pursue the assailant. And this is a guy, okay? I don't even know what his persuasion is. It doesn't matter, but he's a doctor. And, yes, I have fucking on online that love my show and you remember howard stern had a lot of uh white

collar people even though he was doing dick jokes and hitting strippers with fucking pieces of ham in the ass so you know i think you're doing me a little injustice by saying uh you know construction workers but go ahead. Well, no, no, then I stand corrected, and in my industry, I would consider myself dressed down, if you will. Mr. DiPaolo, okay, this Ohio, as you know, I am a Democrat, and I have some, I would say, liberal tendencies. Yep. But this Ohio is usually a close, not a close race.

It usually is predominantly a majority Republican. Am I correct? That is correct, sir. Yes. So don't you think that the fact fact that this fellow counter uh... was nipping at the heels of uh... the other gentleman speaks to the sentiment

of the country uh... that uh... even the staunchest republican uh... uh... populations are uh... states if you will districts are leaning towards uh... good a democratic uh... fair i would agree with that statement normally districts are leaning even towards a Democratic fair. I would agree with that statement normally,

but you did see how the other races last night turned out, didn't you? I know that Corbett, whatever his name is, that's probably wrong, the guy in Kansas, that one's a nail-biter too. But you know, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who's the darling of the left, she lost all four or five candidates that she endorsed, which is a rejection of socialism, which is what the left is about. Not just the far left. The Democratic Party, they're not hiding it anymore, Nathan. They are socialists.

It's what they want. And they got shellacked. So, yes, on one point, I agree that it shouldn't have been that close, but moral victories don't help you in elections, as we learned last November of 2016. Well, no, that's very true. I do actually agree with that, but I don't think we should paint with a broad brush,

because, for instance, I know you have... Leave that to the illegals. $12.95 an hour to do your garage. Go ahead, Nathan. Well, the illegals make up a large population in this country. I know. I guess what I'm referring back to is you cannot say every Democrat is a member of Antifa, nor could I say that every Republican is a member of the torch group,

the torch bearers that marched in Charlottesville, nor would I call you a swarthy swamp trainer. You, Nick, are a... Oh, my God, I love his head. Go ahead. I am a bit of a swamp trainer, You, Nick, are a... Oh my God, I love his head. Go ahead. I am a bit of a swamp trainer, but go ahead. You, Mrs. DiPaolo, while on face value

with your comedy and your rhetoric could come across a little heavy-handed, you do have a wide range of views on things and you're not pigeonholed to just

uh... far-right a person comedian you know uh... entertainer so um... uh... i think uh... i just feel that there's a large group of people this country

that have views on both ends and uh... uh... and you know not know not uh a bunch of uh cheese stretching collusion types of uh all right all right you're gonna keep it pithy hardcore so you understand what i mean i understand what you mean nathan i'm gonna drop your call because you went way over but but you're so goddamn entertaining, and I'll address the horseshit you just said. Thank you. I've never said that everybody that's in the Democrat Party vote seminar is an Antifa member.

I don't think I've ever said that. But the mainstream media repeats that everybody who votes for Trump on the right is a racist and a bigot. that everybody who votes for Trump on the right is a racist and a bigot. We don't have that luxury of having MSNBC, NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, the New York Times, the LA Times, Washington Post, 90% of the fucking social media. We don't have that luxury as people that lean to the right in this country. When you guys say a lie, it goes around the earth a thousand times as a but i don't believe people that vote democrat are all in tifa

so um you know but if you'd listen to mainstream media you would think everybody that voted for trump is you know fucking bigot and a racist. Man. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Jared in Mount Kisco, which is not too far from here. Jared, how are you? Hey, what's up, Nick?

How you doing? Pretty good, man. Are you still in jail for touching those kids behind the Subway sandwich shop? Yeah, yeah. I'm calling from Rikers right now. I saw that picture of you with those giant, giant, when you lost all the weight.

You were holding the jeans out, and it said, I smuggled four kids from Nicaragua in these jeans over state lines. My name is spelled with T's, but everyone just calls me Jared after a while. Well, you have that look. Whatever, I'm Jared, I guess. You have that look like you like kids. No, I'm actually a complete opposite. Okay, go ahead, Jared.

I'm sorry. I'm busting your balls. Go ahead. Yeah, no problem. No problem. Yeah, first of all, Nick, I was at the Levity Live show after that, and I realized it was weird how they made us go out the other entrance jared exit jared oh oh there's a rule on this show fella and i appreciate you

being but we you have to stay on topic yeah okay unless this relates to the election and and how that girl who hit me voted but uh go ahead real quick you say what you want to say about levity live. Cause it's an interesting subject, but keep it quick because you really are up topic and it's a rule we have here, but go ahead. All right. No problem.

Yeah. No, I just was going to say a levity live that that's ridiculous, which, which you did. I mean, fucking unbelievable. And you blew it.

You blew it. You would, you think, you think you would fucking, you know, know who the hell you're going to see and what they're talking about and shit. Well, whatever. Can't take a joke, whatever.

Typical liberal. They knew who they were. My point is they knew who they were coming to see. That's why I believe it was the same. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? They knew who they were coming to see. They hated my politics.

And the dad said, hey, I'm going to weaponize my crazy daughter. And so that's my take on that. Jared, thanks for the call, man. I got a bunch here, a bunch of stuff. But call back, buddy. No problem. Appreciate it, man.

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth. I really do look like a fucking bail bondsman, don't I, with this? Trump boasts he went five for five. This is from The Hill in Tuesday's election. He said all five candidates he endorsed in this week's election won their races. But again, we don't know about Ohio and Kansas. They're too close to call at this point. He said all five candidates he endorsed in this week's election won their races. But again, we don't know about Ohio and Kansas.

They're too close to call at this point. In a brief tweet, he said, Five for five! Trump in a second tweet accused the media of downplaying Republican Party's record of success in special elections. Here's what he said. The Republicans have now won eight of nine House seats. Yet if you listen to fake news media, you would think we are being clobbered. And that's fucking true.

That's absolutely true. Why can't they play it straight? So unfair to the Republican Party and, in particular, your favorite president. Oh, he's fucking sticking it right up the old wazoo, isn't he? So he's sort of taking credit for all this shit. He also claimed that as long as I campaign and or slash or support Senate and House candidates within reason, they will win. And he said Republicans will have a giant red wave in November's midterms if I find the time to hit the campaign trail. We have a red wave at my house every time of that month. Listen, what?

You shouldn't say, Nick, you really do yourself a disservice. I don't give a rat's tits. Troy Ball is a Trump-backed Republican running in a house. We know that, okay? Anyways, Trump's taking credit for all that, as he always does. And I'm telling you, I'm going to make a prediction right now. Once August 11 days from now rolls around and we get the results, he's going

to be right again. But I'm worried about the guy in Kansas, Chris Kobach, because I think he's great. I think he's going to be the next guy to run for president on the right. He's smart as hell,

really tough at immigration, and it does scare me a little bit that the heartland, it was that close. He was like under a couple hundred votes. In Kansas, Trump's endorsement did not give Kobach a decisive edge like it did in Georgia's gubernatorial primary

and in South Carolina. Trump-backed candidates pulled off two wins in Michigan, where John James won the GOP Senate primary, and Bill Schutt won the party's Northwood governor. Missouri's Attorney General Josh Hawley won the state's primary. So he did good. Why am I bringing that up?

Yes, he's braggadocious. But it's only relevant because our friend, the little 28-year-old cute Hispanic Ocasio-Cortez, she took the golden sombrero, as they say in baseball, which I believe is when you strike out four times. She was either 0-4-4 or 0-4-5 last night. And you blew it! You blew it! She held a whirlwind tour of the U.S. stumping for Abdul El-Sayed. We're not ready for that yet, okay? That guy, I mean, Abdul El-Sayed.

He made a campaign ad where he was sitting on a stick of dynamite. Nobody found that funny. And then she backed Farooz Saad. Saad. And Michigan's... Jesus, Michigan. Is it Michigan or are we talking about fucking cabal? Jesus Christ, Michigan. Get a grip over there.

She's backing half the people from Hamas. That's a joke, folks. I didn't mean it. Cori Bush she backed in Missouri's first district. And backing congressional candidate Kanila Ng in Hawaii, another fucking liberal shit state, most beautiful place in the world.

El-Said lost his bid for the Democratic nomination for governor, 51.8 to 30.5. What's the Arab board for shellacking? I mean, that's taking it right in the poo-hoo, knew-hoo. Saad came in fourth in a five-way race, capturing only 18%. I guess we're still racist, huh?

Patton Oswalt, that makes us a racist country. Cori Bush lost her primary to William Lacey Clay. That sounds like a president from 1870. William Lacey Clay was shot today on the porch drinking lemonade. She lost to him 56.7 to 36.9%. And Hawaii's election is on August 11th. The point being is, Ms. Cortez, the darling of the Democrat Party, she got skunked.

She got shut out because, you know why? Socialism has never worked anywhere. Are you listening, Bernie Sanders, you old grumpy Jew bastard, you? Who I like, by the way. I like curmudgeons. Bernie's like honest and bad I like, by the way. I like curmudgeons. Bernie's like honest and bad I like about him, but when it comes to math,

he's mentally retarded and everybody should get, everybody in the fucking United States should get free healthcare and free college. Have you looked at the fucking national debt

and the deficit there? Silly. I wish that happened before I went to school. Free college. I know. I wish it happened too because I to school. Free college. I know. I wish it happened too. Because I'm sure you would have studied much harder knowing somebody else was paying for it.

I got the Arab word for getting shellacked. I believe it is Al-Husul Al-Shalaqt. Say that again, Ryan. Al-Husul Al-Shalaqt. Is that seriously?

That's what Google Translate says. So there's no Arab for shalakt? No. Say it again. Al-husul ala shalakt. Al-husul ala shalakt. It's like watching news on Spanish and every time an English word flies in there. I got the one for getting wrecked.

Al-Husul Al-Husul Al-Husul Matama? Oh, Matama, yes. I was in a terrible Matama on the Sawmill Parkway. Somebody rear-ended me in a fucking tank. All right.

Thank you. That was way too much information. 833-599-6425. 833-599-6425. I actually have as much fun doing this as I do stand-up right now. As I said to you, I've been neglecting the stand-up a little bit for the last year or so because I put so much into the radio show on Sirius and this, and I get up early, folks. I can't sleep. You know that. People at my age are like vampires.

I'm fucking up early and took an Advil PM again this morning about six o'clock, up early and took an Advil PM again this morning about six o'clock and brain is melted. And then I finally get up around 10 and I fucking read 10 to two, all the websites and whatnot and come on here. I forget my point. That's how tired I am. I forget what I was, the point I was trying to make. Jason, were you paying attention? I have no idea.

I forget what I was, the point I was trying to make. Jason, were you paying attention? I have no idea. Yankees to commemorate Stonewall Riots. And you're like, well, what's the Stonewall Riots? That was an uprising here in New York City, right in the village, not far from where I'm playing. It's the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots.

That's an iconic, it's iconic place in New York City. In the battle for gay rights, the gay community objected to police raiding Greenwich Village's Stonewall Inn in 1969. They did. They got roughed up and shit, which I disagreed too. But, you know. Fucking quiz! That's the cops that kicked in the door at Stonewall. I think totally out of line at that point.

But they're going to celebrate that at Yankee Stadium. No dates have been cemented by the Yankees for events next year. But previously, Yankees have not held events or events that celebrate running gay rights. And you know why that is? It's got nothing to do with baseball. This is where you lose people. Nick, are you saying there are no gay players ever?

I'm not saying that at all. Not enough to celebrate a whole goddamn night. That goes for any ballpark. What has this got to do with baseball? Well, gay people like, like yes five percent of the population is gay about one-eighth of that likes baseball okay i'm going a little low i'm just saying i don't see the connection and some of my my favorite player by the way in the history of baseball

ricky henderson who allegedly is gay. Very flamboyant dude, and I fucking love him. Did you hear that, Jace? You're a New York baseball fan. Yeah, I had no idea he was a... Did you hear, but you've heard stuff like that about Henderson? Yeah, I know of him. I didn't know that he may have played for the other team.

No. Nice, you worked on that sports reference. like Eber Henderson? Yeah, I know of him. I didn't know that he may have played for the other team. No. Nice. You worked on that sports reference. My point is it doesn't matter. But I complain about Ness and New England Sports Network that the Red Sox play on. So politically correct.

Every game they're celebrating something, wheeling somebody out with three fingers, no head. There's always somebody in the booth running a 10K for fucking breath. And it's prostate cancer night. And it's fucking on and on. Leave that shit on Facebook.

Do it on your own time. Same with the gay shit. I like to go to the goddamn game and get away from stuff like that. So would a lot of people. And that's not anti-gay. I'm in show business. I have plenty of gays. Never had a beef with any of them.

They're some of the funniest motherfuckers I know. I'm just saying. What's the connection? You know who else is rumored to be gay? Sandy Koufax. This is shit I've read online. Maybe it's because he pitched two games in a summit dress. I don't know.

And who else? Oh, Roberto Alomar. That was another one. You must know that as a Mets fan. Again, I know of him. I didn't know about the gay stuff. How do you not know that as a Mets fan? Well, maybe you were too young. I remember him as a player. Do you remember he spit at the ump?

That I don't remember. That sounds interesting. Holy shit. How old am I? This was like 15 years ago. That makes you what? Three? He spit in an ump's face. And the story the next day was the ump called him an effing queer. And he

spit in his face. But the point is, quit celebrating your fucking gender, whether it's straight. Remember the guy a couple weeks ago who did a story, wants to have a straight pride parade. You were born that way. What do you celebrate?

It wasn't an achievement. We played the Norm Macdonald bit on it, but I mean, that's how I always saw it anyway. What's it got to do with fucking baseball? Sure, it's bat night. People get excited, but just listen. What's it got to do with fucking baseball? Sure, it's bat night. People get excited.

But, um... Just leave it over there. I want my sports on this shelf. My porn over here. My cancer benefit tapes over here. My USO work over here. They're bleeding into each other. I need a break the food network there's no better example of pushing the gay

narrative down people's throats as the food network it's just beat bobby flay it should be called beat straight white male i've watched like eight episodes there's always a transgender person on the judge panel uh he's going against a gay chef from mexico it's hilarious there's a black chick doing a dance when he burns his fucking rice it is so fucking so pc and hey cake wars try to find a straight guy on cake wars. I mean, oh my fucking... If you watched the Food Network for an hour, you'd think the planet was 97% gay. That's called over-representation. And you don't have to have gay pride at the ballpark.

We know they like baseball. We know they cook. Anybody getting tired out there? Anybody getting tired out there? It even infiltrated itself, the gay narrative, and the Sopranos. And actually, the clipper about the show involved baseball and Vito and Meadow's boyfriend. And this is Vito approaching Meadow's boyfriend when he came out of a Porto toilet. We got that, Ryan?

Here we go. Two tickets to see your Padres take a beating from the Yanks tonight. Shit. Third baseline. Plus, it's bat night. That's really nice, Vito, but I don't know if I can... Don't pull that all shut shit with me. You're fucking going. with me, you're fucking going.

What's the under the bat tonight? Seven sharp. And I don't like to miss the national anthem. You're a damn pervert. And I don't like to miss the national anthem. You notice they had the cross? He was wearing the... You think that was an accident? These are the little things I pick up.

He's got the cross on in this scene, but, you know, that was a little statement there, I'm sure. But that was... I thought that was apropos for what we're talking about because... I'm just saying,

you don't need to celebrate it and have a Stonewall riot, but 99% of the people in the audience are not going to know what the fuck you're talking about. I've been to the Stonewall Riot. But 99% of the people in the audience are not going to know what the fuck you're talking about. I've been to the Stonewall and they love me over there. I go in there shirtless.

I get free martinis from... Fellas. Fucking Ryan. Ryan's going to blame Jason for that. I have no idea what the fuck that was. I have no idea. I was that was. I have no idea. I was blowing my own horn, ladies and gentlemen. All right, I'm going to go.

This is off topic, but again, it pertains to my situation. Kyle in upstate New York. Order of protection after getting punched. Hey, Kyle. Welcome to the show, buddy. Hey, Nick, how are you? Great show. Thank you. It was a couple of weeks ago when this had happened.

I was listening to a YouTube program called Sains Entertainment, and one of the callers had said that this incident definitely was staged, and it's possible that other comedians or other people like Anthony Cumia might be concerned about their safety because they're right-leaning along those lines. So they should try to get orders of protections or even seek getting a pistol license for self-protection. or even seek getting a pistol license for self-protection. Well, I carry a samurai sword. I wear extra baggy jeans on stage. And what I do now, I come on stage, I put a handgun on the stool next to my bottle of water,

and I say, anybody have anything to fucking say? As far as order protection, I should have probably, seriously, Kyle, I could probably take one out against her or the old man because I'm out here saying that I'm going to prosecute, and who knows? That might piss off whatever. So I don't,

again, I'm not a legal expert, but yeah, I can, here's the black guy. Yeah, I'm sure, Anthony, let's put it, Comey has more guns than fucking Gaddafi did in his prime. Yeah, I don't know if he has them anymore after his legal problem with that young lady. I'm sure he does. Oh, yeah, yeah, he's definitely a gun nut. He used to go to the police range out in the Hamptons over there and, you know, they let him, you know,

shoot all day and how popular he was. Yeah, and then right after that he'd go over to the cheerleading competition at the high school down the street and Anthony... Yeah, I have no comment

about that, but... No, I'm fucking kidding, obviously. I love Anthony. He's his own guy. And I don't know about auto protection. Like I said,

I could probably take one out against, you know, because if they know that I'm going to sue or whatever, pursue this legally, they might have ideas of their own or whatever. But I don't know the laws. Every county in New York, I mean, you probably live somewhere in the downstate area. So it's more difficult to get an unrestricted carry license. But it's available.

You're a well-known person. and especially, this is very well documented, so I don't think you would have an issue, and I'm sure that there's probably plenty of attorneys that would love to help you, you know, guide you in the right direction with getting a lawsuit started and even getting, you know, an unrestricted carry license for your own protection. Well, the latter maybe. But as far as them personal injury lawyers, they're not that interested because I'm not paralyzed from the waist down or I'm not a drooling idiot in a diaper.

So you'd be surprised. And they're right up front about it. They're like, nah, there's not that much money in it. So I appreciate the honesty, but I go, you guys are fucking as bad as I hear you are. But I appreciate the, hey,

thanks for the call, Kyle. I appreciate it, man. I'll look into it. I think I just carry a hunting

knife in my pants like OJ did. I always wanted to bring a super soaker on stage filled with cat piss and the first person to heckle me

get doused. I would be quiet the entire show then yeah but you wouldn't be there you'd be at a concert for fucking some guy spinning records from venezuela i don't know what that meant ryan i'm not um anyways again not anti-gay pro--gay. Pro-gay marriage. All that shit. But no need to fucking have a gay night at any ballpark. And don't bitch at me for saying that.

Finally tonight, I'll save this one. Oh, let's get to the... Because I've been putting this one on hold. Sex dolls, which go all night. They go all night. Could replace men, as women can't tell the difference now that either man means men are lazy fucking lazy women I just retarded I Can't tell the difference

Sitting on a mannequin from the gap for eight minutes. No these dolls are getting unbelievably fucking lifelike. It's creeping me out it really is but If that's true, why aren't women going to go extinct? You see the women dolls? They've been making them forever. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger, no Will Robinson.

You're fucking a robot. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger, no Will Robinson. Danger. Why are men going to be replaced? Women can be replaced by my right hand. I mean, it has been that way for a long time now. Men face being made redundant in the bedroom

if women turn to silicon robots, which do not tire. I don't tire either. You get an eight ball on me, I can go like a fucking madman. Even at 56, I'll fucking mainline some Cialis. Do a couple lines, I'll blow him like a jackhammer. That's my dog. Cuddles. Don't have a dog, so don't get upset about that anymore well like you know it comes as the first uh harmony sex doll owner exclusively revealed the realism of romping with

artificially intelligent android uh you know robot things the male equivalent dubbed gabriel is also programmed with unique conversations and stories to share with partners. There's the difference right there. The male dolls, which women would buy, come with a button. You can have a conversation. Whereas the female dolls, the first thing they do is they remove the voice box. That's what the guys are looking for.

Yeah, I want to fuck a doll and then chat with it. Let's cuddle and talk about how I got rubber burns on my balls from your legs. Jesus H. Christ! But let's pull up some of these things and if I have to compete with this, it doesn't matter.

I have a bare belly. My wife said, look at that thing. That's creepy real. It looks like every utility infielder for the fucking Milwaukee Brewers. This guy is shredded. But he's got that dead look in his eye. Okay, you're fucking a guy with a nice body, and I'm sure you can choose the cock size, but you're looking into a corpse's eyes.

Okay, you guys are staying on the toilet. What's the next one? These hands. This fucking guy. This looks like Prince's gay cousin, Teddy. That doesn't look real. I'm sorry. It's John Travolta with fucking Dianne Feinstein's wig on and my abs.

But look how he's sitting. What is he? Posture is creepy straight. He's got a Rolex. He's got a Rolex, which is fake. That's a bit I do. Women, you know. A Folex.

Oh, God. Fucking hell. Good luck with that college show. I hope those kids have Folex? Oh, God. Fucking hell. Good luck with that college show. I hope those kids have Folex. The guy's shredded. This robot works out at least 12 times a day.

You can tell. That's quite a jacket. Who sits around in a jacket like that? Can you show up at a cocktail party unbutton your shirt? Can I get another

cup of punch? No, you can't, you fucking weird-looking prick. Let me just suck on your rubber pee-pee. Go ahead. Is there another one? That's the last one we got. Oh, because we had the other guy,

the first one you showed. We got these. Look at this. This is a scene out of Rocky. This is a lesbian in a meat locker. I'm waiting for Pauly to come around the corner with a bottle of whiskey. You do that to Creed, they'll put us both in jail.

That reminds me. That's creepy. That looks like John Wayne Gacy's closet or some shit. Look, we found the woman that went missing 11 years ago. We found her tits in the cellar and... Look at those fucking balloons, huh? That's, uh, that's Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

trying to bite one of them. I can't tell if they're terrified or enjoying it. I don't give a shit. You're stepping on my comedy, stupid. Uh... Uh... Women will not have to worry about making any effort to get pleasure in the bedroom, as the doll satisfies every whim. The robots are extremely Why would you choose freckles? and even scars.

Why would you choose freckles? If I want to fuck Michelle Wolfe, I'll just ask her. I want a doll with a nice scar. Anyways, I don't understand why they say that that'll make men redundant. How about women? We've been...

Who sits like... If you sat like that, this jerk... This is what I see when I try to find a seat at a crowded terminal in LaGuardia. It's always a jerk off sitting like that with a shirt open. He's a... They're all shredded, huh? That hat sort of fucks it up look at the fucking bulge look at what the bulge uh no you look at it ryan you're making me very uncomfortable

i was noticing the hat before the bulge but i want to your specification do they make chubby ones um only you would care i i don't what am i the doll fucker i don't the doll whisper. I don't... What am I? The doll fucker? I don't... The doll whisperer? I don't think... Yes. Don't they have rubber... Don't they have male dolls that look like a fucking plumber from Cleveland? With a nice bear gut and hairy ass crack? Where's that doll?

Because that's what most women want in a guy. They don't want these perfect... They can't... They have image problems. Right? They don't want the guys to be prettier. I've read that online all the time, which is a crock of shit. That's what they want.

Anyways, I'm just saying, if men can become redundant. They've been making women dolls for years because guys will fuck anything that catches mid a pillow. So they're way ahead technology-wise making female dolls, I'm sure. Remember the pocket pussy from Romco? I got three of those on my 11th birthday. That's it for today folks. I have to drive into the city because why?

I work hard. Believe it or not. It's already Wednesday. Go to nickdip.com Again this show is streaming on Facebook Live YouTube. Eventually once we get it down it'll be streaming on Periscope and other places. So this show has to blow up.

It has to. Because I want to buy a motorcycle and a zebra. In that order. That's it. Thank you guys for watching. Go to nickdip.com. Tell all your friends about this show. And I'll see you in the clubs or whatever.

You know what I'm saying. All kinds of stuff like that. I love you. If you don't believe me, listen to this guy. I love you for helping me to construct my life. Not a tavern, but a temple. not a tavern but a temple. I love you because you have done so much to make me happy.

You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a sign. You have done it by just being yourself. Perhaps after all, that is what love means. And that is why I love you. NERV NERV NERV NERV NERV NERV NERV NERV NERV

NERV NERV NERV NERV NERV Bye.