The Nick DiPaolo Show - Starbucks CEO Blames Dems | Nick Di Paolo Show #1242

Episode Date: July 19, 2022

Pulitzer board won't rescind Russia stories. Katy Tur clueless. Schultz wakes up to reality. Dicken saves the day. Skittles toxic. Joe triggers Twitter.

作詞・作曲・編曲 初音ミク It's Nick. Thank you. Thank you, Ed. Great show tonight. We have Joel Gray. Who? Joel Gray, Mama Cass, and a very funny young comedian, Louie Anderson. Yeah, correct, sir.

How are you, folks? Welcome to the shit show. Fucking tired of doing this and everything else. What do you think of that? How's that for fucking honesty? I'd write a book, but I have the attention span of a crack baby. I have so much to say. It's fucking really irritating.

A big thanks to those of you who recently joined the Nick DiPaolo Show on Patreon and signed up for the full year. Not only did you really help out the show, you also got a 10% discount. This really helps the show. For those who haven't yet, please go to my Patreon channel and become an annual member and get the discount,

and then you won't get those annoying monthly charges. It's almost like having a period, isn't it? Having a... Thank you, guys and gals and everything in between. Freaks. For the love of mother. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. Real quick, maybe we'll make this a thing every daily thing. At the top, I just ripped through headlines that just came out as, you know, crew member shot,

I'm not doing the story, I'm just telling you guys, dead on law and order set in New York City. Not a fake gun thing like Alec Baldwin. A guy who parks cars for, you know, in front of the, he keeps these spaces open for the studio trucks and stuff.

He's there at five in the morning or whatever. I'm guessing black, dude, I might be wrong, Greenpoint, Brooklyn, right in the car, bang, bang. Now, to me, it sounds like there might be a history between those two. But other people are going, one guy said, please tell me it's not about parking, because they block off, you know, in this day and age, who the fuck knows? I'm telling you that because we've lost it. This country is just... Here's good news.

DA to drop murder charges against the bodega worker, Alvin Bragg. See, it has to be that obvious that he's wrong. Meanwhile, he hasn't charged the dead guy's girlfriend for stabbing the bodega worker. Piece of shit. Jeopardy host Ken Jennings, it says sharks fans, so it grabs me like fucking, it sucks being with a headline. He made a circumcision joke.

The question, the answer was circumcision, and the girl got it right. He goes, a painful $2,000 to you. It's a nice joke for a fucking nerdy fuck. Everybody laughed and it's a headline in the paper, only today. And real quick. That's about it, I guess,

unless you watch America's Got Talent. Two That's about it, I guess, unless you watch America's Got Talent. Two ex-Trump aides to primetime stage at January 6th here. Anybody watching that? Anybody paying attention? No. Why? Because they know it's horse shit. That goes for Democrats, too, who are watching Tucker Carlson instead.

Boy, you guys are in so much shit, you have no idea what's coming. All right, let's get to the show so I can get to my tap dance class at three. Yeah. My producer's like, yeah, let's blow on it. There's shit to do, yo. Anyways, oh, and one other thing. Juan Soto didn't hurt his chances for signing a... He turned down 450 mil a couple days ago.

Half a billion dollars for 15 years, and he won the Home Run Derby last night. Talk about a guy in control of... I can't wait. The next couple weeks... And I bore you guys. Anyways, the prize goes to the Lion Cocksuckers. That's the headline. Wow. Ripped the headline. Wow. Ripped right from Fox News. The Pulitzer Prize board, didn't even know one existed, did you?

Rejected former President Donald Trump's call for it to rescind the 2018 prizes given to the New York Times and the Washington Post for their coverage of the Russian collusion story because it was a total hoax it's proved to be this is the world we live in you see because the people that sit on this board are elitist assholes like the people who pretend to run this country hate Trump so fucking much can you fucking imagine it announced Monday following independent reviews. The separate reviews, I think this is the board talking, converged in their conclusion

that no passages or headlines, contentions, or assertions in any of the winning submissions. First of all, how were any of them winning submissions when it was based on a false story? You fucking... The winning submissions weren't discredited by facts that emerged subsequent to the conferral of the prize, the board said.

And they asked Trump for a comment. Furthermore, you can all go fuck yourselves. That's what he said. Sounds like Woody Allen. Can you imagine? Can you imagine? So what that does, it just undermines

your credibility, not that you had any in the first place. Who would ever listen to another thing you fuck said? Not only as being a board member

for the Pulitzer Prize, but in your regular everyday life. You're a full of shit scumbag. Can you imagine? You're like children. as being a board member for the Pulitzer Prize, but in your regular everyday life, you're a full of shit scumbag. Can you imagine? You're like children. That's what happened.

There's no more adults. We don't like Donald Trump. He was a bully and a rich white guy with blue eyes. He's a devil. We know we tried to ruin his life and it was all bullshit, but we're not going to, I mean, the paper did. We're going to reward them anyways.

You filthy, filthy. Trump formally called on the board to take back the prizes in October, saying the coverage amounted to false reporting of a non-existent link between the Kremlin and the Trump campaign. It's all bullshit, these cocksuckers. As has been widely publicized, the coverage was no more than a politically motivated farce which attempted to spin a false narrative that my campaign supposedly colluded with Russia. Despite a complete lack of evidence underpinning this allegation,

he said in the letter, and I don't believe you wrote that because it was so well-worded. Yes, sir. I love him. I'm just saying. He's a man of the people. He doesn't talk like Alan Dershowitz.

These cocksuckers. Take back the prize. You're giving them prizes. I say take back the Frisbee, the new red wagon. What else did you give them? The board said Monday that the national reporting prizes will stand after it conducted independent and non-biased reviews. Do you understand how silly that sounds on its face, you fucks?

Why don't you say who did you? I want to know who did the reviews and I want to know how they voted. Let's get down to it now. Oh, look, money. Both reviews were conducted by individuals with no connection to the institutions whose work was under examination nor any connection to each other. I don't give a shit if they weren't connected to the people being invested. I don't care.

I don't care if they just showed up from another planet. They're wrong. Trump first said the prizes should be revoked in 2019. That year, Special Counsel Robert Mueller, no fan of Trump, and his team investigators found no evidence of Trump conspiring with Moscow, but that's not enough.

Yet these jerk-offs... Now go home and get your fucking shine box. I didn't mean to do that. Leave it in anyways. You're entitled to shit. That's what I meant to hit. Go home and get your shine box. You can use that in any situation.

It's true. Right? How you doing? Go home and get your shine box. There you go. Honey, these eggs are burnt. Go home and get your shine box. What the fuck are you talking to me?

Do you believe that? That's the world we live in, though. Washington Post. Now they can say we have Pulitzer Prize winning coverage of something that never happened. But we covered it anyways. You didn't just cover it. You inspired it.

You helped it along. Anybody? People on the left? i wish you watched my fucking show so i could call you out you think there'd be a grace period between when an article is released like that to ensure validation of the actual facts but which what do you mean which article well the ones that they won the pulitzer prize for how long what's what how long do you wait to verify to make sure before you make an award like that mean? Which article? The ones that they won the Pulitzer Prize for. How long do you wait to verify

to make sure before you make an award like that? Well, it's been over, the Russian collusion thing, for years. That's what I'm saying. That is a grace period, right? That's more proof. Yeah, exactly.

It's just, I can't believe this is an adult world. Like, that's how much they're afraid of somebody disrupting their party. Their little D.C. elitist, you know, lobby money, all that horse shit. They're not going to let somebody like Trump come in, an outsider. It's fucking amazing to me. Ugh. I say we hang that whole group of people. Why? Because I've become a big fan of Iran now. Anyways, speaking of Iran, Katie Turd. Turd? I think I meant Tur. She's clueless.

Who is she? She's a cute host at MSNBC with big knockers. MSNBC host Katie Tur talks about the media is less trusted now than it's ever been. She says, and I quote, we cover very dark stuff, like Oprah's asshole and moon pies and eclipses in succession, and it seems like it's getting darker and darker. Reminds me of a song, Knocking on Heaven's Door. This dark cloud coming down, and it can be hard on you mentally, your mental health, Ter said, as she ran through the streets naked, drinking moonshine. Yes.

Mm. She said it can be hard on you mentally, citing political divisions, frequent mass shootings, and other tragic incidents. Yeah, it's called the new shithead. Oh, boy, you. Katie, you just, you work at MSNBC. You shouldn't be talking to anybody outside that studio. She says it can be a bit demoralizing. And it can. I follow this shit casually for this show. And, you know, that's my wife. By Friday, I got her in a fucking scissors lock,

throwing beer bottles at cars going by my house. It can be a bit demoralizing. And then on top of that, there was just a Gallup poll out today that shows that trust in media, newspapers and television, is hitting an all-time low. I guess that's news to her. Show us your boobies today. Is she single?

I'm married. I don't care. I'm just, I just want her to sit in an apartment by herself. Unless she's going to, anyway, go ahead. What does she have to say? There was just a Gallup poll out today that shows that the trust in media and newspapers and television is hitting an all-time low. People don't trust us. They don't believe us.

She doesn't understand when she says us. She's right on the nose, meaning MSNBC and the people that periphylate that. Like CNN, when they say us, because they just did this thing. CNN and MSNBC and another left wing down, Fox News slightly up, but they don't tell you that in the headlines. So when she says us, she means the whole media. She's including Fox and everything. At least she'll assume you're including Fox in that statement.

When the truth is, they're up still and been crushing these shitty little... They don't believe you, Katie, because your side is so full of shit. I'm sure there's people on the other side would say that about me, but only one person's right, and it's fucking me and my side. It is. There's only one truth. Trust me. This ain't going to end good. Go ahead, sweetheart. Truth.

Trust me. This ain't going to end good. Go ahead, sweetheart. Makes me wonder if this job, as I'm currently doing it, is effective. But if it's doing more harm than good. I don't have a good answer. Two great points. It is effective because just look at the average interview with a millennial or a fucking snowflake. You got half of them believing that free speech is a bad thing.

You're very effective over there at MSNBC. And it is fucking harmful. If you have a half a brain. Go ahead, sugar. Answer for that. Do you? I got an answer for that. Whoops.

Grow up. No. Fuck off. Oops. Grow up. No. Fuck off. Television news has Americans even more concerned. In 2022, a dismal 11% told Gallup they have a great deal or quite a lot of confidence in the industry. That figure is down from the 16% who were confident in TV news last year, I'm surprised it's not a bigger drop than that. Because it's gotten really mental out there.

Like this, well, I guess this January 6th charade. Well, even, you know, even the coverage of the January. How the fuck can you believe the... Also last week, a Pew Research Center study indicated that 55% of journalists surveyed say that every, get this, 55% over half of journalists that do that for a living, surveyed say that every side does not always deserve equal coverage of the news. How could I grab this microphone? I beat your brains out with it because that's what you deserve. That's what you deserve. Can you fucking imagine?

Because that's what she deserves, that's what she deserves. Can you fucking imagine? Because that's what they're learning. You go to journalism school at a college camp, what do you think, it's all right wingers teaching journalism? That's fucking astounding. We have to start over. And again, how do you do that? You start with mustard gas.

I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, they don't believe 55%. But 76% of Americans overall believe journalists should always strive to give all sides a view. Even that's low. Should be 100. It's never 100. Okay, 98.9 FM.

Turd also explained that she attempts to be fair to both sides of the aisle. Listen to this, but here's the kicker, but found it difficult during the Trump administration. Problem? You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. White onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time. Can you imagine? I guess it felt like the moment was so scary and so dire with Donald Trump and the presidency that they needed to seek comfort in somebody who they felt like was fighting the good fight,

she said, of people who appreciated her approach to covering the president. Oh my God. He's a little whore and a little piece of trash. They felt comfortable, in other words, with somebody who would lie about the president every night on national TV. You don't believe me? Go look at the highlights about Russian collusion. You don't think she was spitting her mouth off like everybody else? Can you imagine? What was so scary about Trump? I understand the politicians, you know, like the Pelosi's and who've been around and the Biden's forever in Washington,

and they have all that money and all those lobby and they're used to a dirty life and they don't want anybody interrupting it. But what's in it for you? Your ratings stink. Why did Trump scare you so much? Again, healthy, older, white, rich male, blonde hair, blue eyed devil. Go back to fucking DeVry. Leave your shirt on the table. Katie Turd, everybody. Hey, you know what? I have a few shows on sale right now that I want you to know about, and hopefully you can make one of them. Friday, September 9th, I'm at Soul Joel's Comedy Club in Royalsford, Pennsylvania. It's an outdoor, a big, it's fucking awesome. The sound, the stage, I had a great time.

That's, then Saturday, the next night, September 10th, Algonquin Arts Theater in Manasquan, New Jersey. And then the next night, Sunday, September 11th, I guarantee it'll be the opening of the NFL or something that night, Sugarloaf Performing Arts Center in Chester, New York. And then Friday, November 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club, owned by the Roonies, as in the Pittsburgh Steeleroonies, West Palm Beach, Florida.

Ann Culty, you better drop in Sunday, November 13th, my old haunt in one of the best clubs around, Sidesplitters Comedy Club in Tampa, Florida. I love playing that joint. And at the Tampa show, I'll be doing a live Q&A after the show with VIP

ticket holders, so grab them before they're all gone. You can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com or daveschapelle.org. This coffee is terrific. It's terrific coffee. As they say in New York, chili dog, coffee light. Speaking of coffee, you know the CEO, Mr. Schultz, of Starbucks. I don't like their coffee, personally. I see people standing 20 deep at the airport to get a Starbucks.

I just don't. And I've said this before, I'll say it again. That could be Megan Fox, a line for her giving blowjobs. I wouldn't, even if they were three deep, I'd go, fuck that. I'm not waiting for nothing. And the coffee sucks.

It tastes like fucking motor oil. I don't know what you're. And the people. Yeah, it tastes burnt to me. And the people. Probably wrong. Because I'm not a coffee connoisseur. But anyways, the people in Starbucks make it that much more of a horrible situation.

And I'm not even talking about the homeless guy shooting up in the bathroom. I'm talking about the cunty broads on their laptops with the Janine Graff ugly, writing their blog about how men suck and those people. I walk by in New York. I used to just walk by like, la, la, la, la, la. Oh, oof, oof, oof. Or you have your hipster script writers like, somebody's going to notice me. Yeah, that's all that is in there.

Somebody's writing poetry in the corner from fucking Brooklyn. Wearing a PBR t-shirt, ironically, or arcade fire, whatever the fuck Patton Oswalt loves. Anyways, the CEO, Starbucks CEO, Howard Schultz. Remember he threw his name in the hat for president a few years ago? He was talking about it. And he sounded like he made sense a little bit. Said Democratic mayors. He did not say Democratic.

This is shoddy writing, by the way. I'm going to show you a clip of what he did. He didn't mention Democrats. He just said mayors in general because he doesn't have the book. Said Democratic mayors and city councils have abdicated their responsibility in fighting crime and addressing mental illness, which has forced his company to shutter stores due to fears over employee safety. OK, I stabbed you through the heart with a fucking pencil. Do you understand me? All right, I'll get you a muffin.

Schultz made the comments in leaked video that was posted to Twitter over the weekend by Ari Hoffman of KVIM Talk Radio based in Seattle. Mr. Schultz, as you know, folks, very, very, at least Starbucks is a very woke, you know, eco-friendly. We'll get rid of the styrofoam and give you a hand job if you fucking don't use hot water tonight and all that fucking horse shit. You know, that's all right. Crack addicts can take a dump anywhere they want in my store and blah, blah, bling, bling, bling. Again, not understanding people. Why?

Because he's a billionaire. Do you think the guy's ever experienced going into one of his own bathrooms and having a homeless guy attack or whatever? No, because they're insulated from that shit. Last week, Starbucks announced it was closing. Did you watch the video? I did.

I'll tell you, I'm so fired up. Let me take a sip of this shitty coffee I made. Here's Mr. Schultz talking about why they're closing some of the stores. These governments across the country and leaders, mayors and governors and city councils have abdicated their responsibility in fighting crime and addressing mental illness. Really? You are correct, sir. I feel like he's just being woke to this. Seriously. But he didn't say Democrat, which he should have. There's Starbucks everywhere, but Seattle is where it started

for Christ's sake. They're closing like four of them. What do they all have in common, Mr. Schultz? Just say it. They can't cancel you. You're a trillionaire. What do you give a shit? Dem run cities. If Starbucks is shuttering in a red state, it's because

Dem voters are the ones fucking smoking weed and beating the fuck out of each other over a muffin. Last week, Starbucks announced it was closing 16 restaurants. Oh, is that what we call them now? Restaurants, really? You can get a muffin and a coffee? Oh, that's right. You have pastries, too. In various cities across the country, due to what the company said was employee, that's right, employee complaints of drug use and violent crime on the premises. And when they say premises, they mean right in the store.

Schultz said he believes the Seattle-based coffee chain will have to close many more locations. He said, this is just the beginning, said the interim chief, who came back to run the company that he started. They share following retirement of his predecessor, Kevin Johnson. There are going to be many more store closures, Schultz said. He was shocked to hear from employees that one of the primary concerns that our retail partners, our baristas, have is their own personal safety. Take it up with fucking Mayor Adams. Take it up with whoever. London Breed is falling down. Absolutely.

Take it up with her and anybody else. Lori Lightfoot. And I know she's not a mayor. She's a fucking, is she a mayor? I thought she was a goblin. And then we heard about the stories, this is him talking, that go along with it, about what happens in our bathrooms. He said, people aren't just pooping and peeping in there. That guy just came out of...

That's the guy that came out of the mandroom when I was at Starbucks. He burnt his face with a coffee. It's horrible. Look at that fucking guy on flacker. Came in there for a... Came in there for a fucking muffin top. Your mother sucks cocks in hell.

Do it again. I love this guy. Hi, can I get a latte? Go ahead. Give me a grande latte. That's my favorite. Yeah, there you go. Really.

Lodge. I don't even know the fucking flavors. Grande latte for the devil look at that guy i read what happened that guy was shot in the face there and it didn't even fade he's on flaca it is just that guy creeps me out probably some girl would date him though it's just uh anyway he's creepy creepy. In 2018, Starbucks implemented an open bathroom policy. How can you be that dumb? I mean, it's not like, it's not like people weren't

doing this shit in other bathrooms and restaurants for years and years. I used to do blow in the bathroom. I used to do a comedy club in New Haven, Connecticut. A guy was a little that ran the place. I used to do a comedy club in New Haven, Connecticut. A guy was a little that ran the place. I'm doing, I go in the bathroom, the men's room. His mother's in there with a state cop doing coke. It is fucking. God, I used to fucking love that place.

She was the funniest thing, the mother. Anyways, they implemented that open door bathrooms policy. We all remember how that went. After a store manager had two black men arrested for not ordering coffee while sitting down in a Philadelphia location. There was more details to it than that, by the way. Video of the arrest went viral because we live in a country that's just hell-bent on believing what they want to believe. And Starbucks apologized following intense backlash. Now the company is giving store managers discretion. Gee, what a novel idea. After the policy due to complaints that Starbucks bathrooms are magnets for drug abusers and homeless people.

I say this calls for action and now. I say this calls for action and now. Bernie Sanders getting ready for a debate. I'm telling you, I'm going in the bathroom. I'm taking a shit. I'm smoking a few joints. I wrote the damn bill. Billionaires.

He said that the company is shifting to a strategy of drive-through and mobile app sales shifting or you were forced to i gotta i gotta believe that's how the future is gonna be why would anybody every day we have stories in this country of shit going down in a fast food restaurant or whatever every day even even the drive-thrus aren't safe, for Christ's sake. A strategy of drive-thru or mobile app sales, which have accounted for much of the chain's pandemic-era sales. Come on, God damn it. Come on, let's go, let's go.

Let's go. That's the drive-thru and people on coffee. That's a line of cars that already went through it. Now they come about for a second cup after lunch. Mother of God. So yeah, welcome. I'm glad you're awake, Mr. Schultz. Again, I'm poking fun at a guy who's a trillionaire and had a great, I'm just saying. Woke, anything, anything that woke people touch turns to shit. It's a very simple, keep that in your mind, Ron DeSantis, when you have a debate, when you're running for president,

or Trump, whoever. You can answer that question from anybody from the left. Anything you touch has turned to shit. Then you can list 19 things. The fucking economy, the military, children in school, what they're being taught. You can go on forever and ever. You're going to get so bludgeoned to come November.

I can't wait. It's going to be watching like a snuff film. I hope. Anyways, I'll tell you, we need more people like this fella here in this story. This guy's a hero. Don't tell me otherwise. Elijah Dickin is no chicken. Very nice, Nick.

You laid that down beautiful. I don't know if you guys heard about the shooting in the Indiana Mall. These things happen. I can't keep up with them, folks. I don't want to bore you with them and shit. That's where we're at, and I still find it weird, this uptick.

I just, I know. Let me take the hat off. Police identified, and guess what? They applauded 22-year-old. That was the guy I mentioned in the headline who shot and killed a gunman who opened fire on a Greenwood, Indiana shopping mall. Here's the picture of Elijah.

What's his first? He was the best guy around. Elijah Dickens. That's him as a young fella. And guess what? He was the best guy around. Elijah Dickens. That's him as a young fella. And guess what? He had a gun. And I'm reading online, this is why we're doomed to fail as a species. People going, they're praising a guy who illegally brought a gun into the mall.

Okay, so you'd rather have 30 more people dead than have a guy. That's what you're saying. You're so obsessed with your left-wing political, stupid gun control ideology that you've lost the ability to perceive reality correctly. You'd rather have that guy not shot and killing more people. Is that what you're saying? It is. You're fucked nuts. Again, these people on Twitter or whatever, I really think they're trolls. I don't want to believe we're that dumb. The gunman who killed three people before being killed was identified Monday as 20-year-old Jonathan Superman. Yeah, he didn't send up any flags, did he?

Here he is on the Food Network on Chopped. Elijah Dickin shot and killed Superman two minutes after the rampage started. Two minutes.

Fucking unbelievable. You go fuck yourself, convict! Exactly. Greenwood Police Chief James Ison said at Monday's news conference, our city, our community, and our state is grateful for his heroism in this situation. Greenwood Mayor Mark Myers said he's a young man processing a lot. I ask you give him space and time to be able to process what he's gone through last night. It's going to be pretty horrifying to watch people gun down.

That's going to fuck him up. The Johnson County coroner also identified the three people who were killed in the shooting. I wonder if NBC, ABC, and CBS and all you gun control lovers covered this story about a good man stopping a bad man. You're hardly hearing anything

about it other than him being a vigilante. They're choosing that spin. Yeah, there you go. You've lost the ability to participate. It all goes down. Here's a shot of I love this too. Are there two broads at work for the ATF?

Yeah, there's only two out of a million. Let's get that. That's anyways, I like the S on the left. Who's that, Howie Long on the right? Fucking, the three people who were killed, lady, you're an ATF police, you got more balls than me, were killed in the shooting, 30-year-old Victor Gomez

and his, and a married couple, Pedro Pineda, 56, and Rosa Rivera de Pineda, 37. Can you imagine? They were in the fucking food court. Think about that. If that's your... I just... I don't know.

I would just station security everywhere with big, scary guns. Or allow more of the concealed carry. Whatever it takes. I am 100% certain many, many more people would have died last night if it was not for his heroism, Eisen told ABC News, and ABC News started crying and said, Fuck you, we're going home. The young man had his wits about him, acted very quickly. The suspect had over 100 rounds of ammunition on him, but fired just 24 bullets, thanks to our hero,

before being shot dead by Dickens. Good for you. And after he shot the guy dead, he walked over and said, I'll go home and get your fucking shine box. That's what I meant to do earlier. Blew the fucking joke. It's like a 90s action movie. Yeah, exactly.

Go ahead, make my coffee. Anyways. Hey, I'm really happy to be working with a thing called Shout Out. Shout Out is a lot like Cameo, but it's filled with liberty-loving American talents. You can go there, get a personalized message from people like Stephen Crowder, Dennis Prager, Lara Logan, or myself, moi. That's right.

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For more info, you can also go to shoutout.fans and see what it's all about. Order one today and thank you in advance. Download the Shout Out app or visit shoutout.fans. Let's have a, we need a light story. You know, I'm a fan of Skittles. I don't, I don't, I'm not like Marshawn Lynch. I don't have him four times a day. Marshawn has a, you know that food pyramid they have? He's got it all filled. Skittles, Skittles, Skittles, donuts, snow caps, and, you know, jujubes. Skittles scare. A lawsuit against Mars Inc.

Remember the Mars bars? Where's that? Claim it's Skittles. The lawsuit claims Skittle products contain a known toxin. Really? I thought they were all natural. I thought they grew on a Skittle tree. Look at them.

They're naturally beautiful. And is unfit for consumption. Wow, that's nice to know they've been out there for what? Bon appetit. A fuck of 40 years. Attorneys from consumer, uh, Genile Thames or Thames filed the class action lawsuit in the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California in Oakland, claiming that Skittles contains heightened levels of titanium dioxide. I know, titanium, you know, you're supposed to make hips and knees out of it, not candy. The fuck? Anything with an oxide in it, titanium dioxide, which is used for food coloring.

Here's a simple thing. They don't have to be pretty. Take the fucking food coloring out. I like the chewy cancer taste. The lawsuit alleges that although Mars Inc. declared in 2016 that they were committed to phasing out titanium dioxide, that's like, you know, like the hot dog. You know, there's a legal amount of like rat shit they allow. It's true. Fucking rat hairs and... Anyway, titanium dioxide from their Skittles product. They have yet to do so. They said they were going to do that. Well, they're a company trying to make a profit. And you're a piece of shit.

In a statement provided to Kent, it ran out. And another media outlet, Mars Inc., stated, While we do not comment on pending litigation, our use of titanium dioxide complies with FDA regulations. Huh? Yeah, so who's lying here? You know what I mean? The guy wouldn't bring a lawsuit. I'm sure that's the first thing the lawyer who took this on did, right, was check the FDA regulations. I don't know who to believe. God help me. The lawsuit noted that the European Food Safety Authority

announced in May of 22... Who gives a fuck? We don't live in Europe. May 2021, that titanium dioxide can no longer be considered safe. Well, it can here in America. We eat everything.

As a food additive due to genotoxicity. That's a girl I dated in high school. Concerns. A genotoxicity. That's a girl I dated in high school. Concerns. A genotoxin is a chemical or agent that can cause DNA or chromosomal damage according to the National Institute of Health.

That would be the NIH. The lawsuit also alleges that titanium dioxide... Oh, God, here we go. It's found in harmless shit shit I'm not making this up paint adhesives no wonder why I can't dump after a bag of those paint adhesives plastics and roofing materials roofing materials I said roofing material. Delicious. Thank you.

And can cause brain and organ damage. Well, I believe the brain damage. I'll show you why. And as well as lesions in the liver. Oh, big deal. I get that from scotch. And kidneys, along with DNA. You're going to tell me something as innocent looking and Skittles can fucking damage your DNA, your very DNA.

My God. Thames is suing for fraud. Of course he is. And violations of California consumer. California, by the way, what a fucked up state. And I lived in L.A. for four or five years. I mean, I'm reading. I had a whole bit.

I don't even remember it. But I'm at the dentist, and there's a warning right on the light. The dentist warning the material in your cavities could cause cancer. I had a great bit. I can't remember. California consumer protection laws. And everything out there causes cancer by the way everything even the fucking couch you sit on gets a fucking made with cancerous no you're right yeah i know trying to watch tv and the

whole time i think about my ass pipe rotting out in 10 years because i fucking binged watched ozark protection laws and the sum uh he seeks will be determined later in a future trial. I'm telling you, this shit can't be that bad for you if this guy eats it. Come on. Oh, shit. Did you try to convince

teammates saying, hey, if you eat candy during the game, you'll play a lot better? Did you see the Skittles back, hey, if you eat candy during the game, you'll play a lot better? Did you see the Skittles back? No, but what they did was. He was eating them on the field. If we was having a bad night out there, they for sure would go to the depths of the earth. Depths of the earth.

To try and find some candy for me. He said they'd go to the depths of the earth to find him candy. He had Skittles on the field. I didn't realize that. I watched that clip last night. You see him throw the bat. You saw actual Skittles. You gotta love Marshawn a little bit.

Run through a motherfucker face. Absolutely. Run through a motherfucker face. Go through the earth. Big surprise though, huh? Candy. Finally tonight on Sugar Tits and Dave,

the morning zoo show in Denver. That was Dave. I'm Sugar Tits. Joe triggers Twitter again. Joe Rogan, offhand joke about shooting homeless people in Los Angeles sparked outrage on Twitter. Again, Twitter is the place where anybody who has cancer or the funny bow, no sense. That's where they gather. They're fucking gross people. I don't even think they're real people. I think it's bots acting as far-left radicals to try to troll people and shit. And I don't know, but it's so fucking stupid. Anyways, about shooting homeless people

in Los Angeles. What doesn't spark outrage on Twitter? I'll tell you what doesn't. Killing babies at a year and a half old with a hammer. That gets a thumbs up. As Spotify podcast was accused of inciting violence against the unhoused. Unhoused, folks. Unhoused. Unhoused. Not homeless. Unhoused. In order to be unhoused, you should have had to have a house in the first place.

So shut the fuck up. I know people went to college in their 30 should have had to have a house in the first place. So shut the fuck up. I know people went to college in their 30s that don't have a house yet. They're just down on their luck. Yeah. A viral clip circulating. This is what happens when you become as popular as Joe Show. You can't fart without the world coming down on you. Okay.

He's a fucking good guy. He's not a racist. He's not. Yeah. He wants homeless people dead. You fucking people. Can we just get it on? Honestly, I'll watch out my window. I admit I'm a little old. Justura mentioned, boy, what a career he has, this guy. I didn't realize he's that old. He looks good with a beard. Segura mentions a recent federal court ruling that barred the city from taking possession of a homeless person's personal property.

Why would you? Yeah, let me steal that. Let me steal that toilet seat pad that he got at LaGuardia. What the? Oh, a pee bucket. I can rinse that and put flowers in it. What are you stealing from a homeless guy? How bad do you have to be? It's like, you're going to finish that sandwich that somebody didn't finish?

That gave it to you and the guy at the restaurant? The ruling was made in response to a lawsuit by advocates for the homeless who sued Los Angeles for a city ordinance that allowed they look if they were trying to actually do something about the homeless that allowed it the city to immediately remove a dispose of an item stored in a public area if it did not fit into a 60 gallon whatever drum what I don't know where they came up with the 60 gas look Look at this. This isn't Brazil, folks. This is courtesy of the Democrat Party. All you leftist cocksuckers. Explain that. When you see stuff like that on the street, at least in Los Angeles, this is, you know,

Cigar talking, or California, that's protected property. Rogan responded, oh, a homeless person's property is protected? And Segura, absolutely. If you try to move that or take that, Segura said, before Rogan injected, you'd get arrested? Hilarious, Rogan said. But they wouldn't arrest you if you shot somebody, Rogan said. Maybe you should just go shoot the homeless people. Segarra replies, I like your ideas. You know what that sounds like? Two comedians having a conversation who would say something like that. But comedy's outlawed in this country, or trying to be, by the left.

You guys are good for fucking nothing. I hate you more than you could ever hate me. Fuck you. And I know I'm saying this to my fans at home. Invite somebody over. A lib to your house so I can talk to them. You know I love the fans. I'm saying bring somebody over there.

Why would you let a lib into your house? I like your ideas, which is kind of fun. And if nobody claims it, I mean, nobody does anything about violent crime in L.A. anymore, Rogan said. And then the reaction on Twitter. Of course, it was scathing because they're so filled with humor. Nothing like a couple of rich fucks sitting around smoking cigars and criticizing people at their rock bottom, one Twitter jerk off wrote. Take a big step back and literally fuck your own face.

Just the way he words it. You know everything about the guys. A couple of rich fucks. Like they just stumbled into it. Both of these guys. Do you feel the envy dripping? It's the people who can't keep up in this society. Whiny bitches with no sense of humor.

That's good. Just sitting around. Yeah. Another Twitter user accused Rogan of advocating for the murder of people who have nothing. And by the way, at the low point of their lives. At their lowest point. Yeah. At their lowest point.

Again, it happened to them. They're victims. It's funny how you shoot heroin into the tip of your cock for 30 years. All of a sudden, you're on a park bench laying in your own shit, and you're at your lowest point. This all just happened to them. The system did this to him. The murder of people who have nothing and are at their lowest point. You're at your lowest point if you're laying in your bed on Twitter, you cheese dick.

He thinks he's in. Listen to this. another Twitter asshole. He thinks he's entitled to steal from the homeless, the same people who base their whole political outlook on the sanctity of private property. Here's the difference, dinkweed. The property that you would take from a homeless is from some private property, you fuckwad.

I like to debate all these at once. It's a crime for the poor. I can't take it no more. Who gives a fuck what you think? That's right. I've had enough. I can't wait to go home and learn the Canadian national anthem on a flute. That's right, I'm taking a new good luck finding some funny shit in this show dallas i uh a little off today um am i wrapping it up what am i doing yeah i don't know sometimes it's thank yous i don't fucking i don't know how this works anymore you know i'm saying but as why as my wife said to me was i i was leaving the house not my wife my I should say my life partner Ted you need to shut the fuck up why uh that's it right that is it don't forget to sign up at patreon.com sign up for a month so you won't get that fucking annoying thing come on you're gonna watch me you

know there's nothing else out there sign up at patreon.com sign up at the comics gym.com go to nickdip.com for whatever merchandise tour dates go to cameo.com cameo.com you tell me you go there click tell me, you go there, click on my profile, tell me about

a person, and I will roast. I don't want to say roast. I'll just, you know, I'll give them a verbal smacking around. It's fun. Or I will say happy birthday or whatever you're celebrating. I told you a guy showed it at his wedding. Fucking 200 people. I'm dropping C-bombs, F-bombs. Anyhow, apparently I killed. No cake. That is it. I can't think of anything else. You guys think it, I'll say it.

You're very welcome. We'll see you back here at the same time tomorrow. Have a good day, everybody. guitar solo Thanks for watching!