The Nick DiPaolo Show - Surgeon General's Pearl Harbor Prediction | Nick Di Paolo Show #328

Episode Date: April 6, 2020

Trump's the real Tiger King. Mexico coronavirus rates skyrocket. A bunch of smoking monkeys. Thank you David S. from Israel for your "Ask Nick!" question and for your continued support on Patreon. FREE! MONDAY - THURSDAY 5PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

I am your voice. down to an L and a V, I think. There's nothing left. But you know what? You know, he can pretty much say anything, at least for now, the Nick DiPaolo show and shows like this one. We went free recently. The show's been on for a couple of years. Went free Monday through Thursday. So that means we need your contributions. You go to NickDip.com, click on the button, and you can also sign up at patreon.com,

which is a monthly subscription where you'll get an extra story a day. You'll get to ask me a question, and you have access to 300 prior shows that we've done. And also, if you're a business and you want to sponsor the show, go to nickdip.com, and we can talk about that now more than ever. And I know it's going to get it's tight for you guys, too. I know you're quarantined and some of these probably aren't working or whatever. So we're going to be there for you to take your mind off some of the shit, at least at least an hour a day, because you need a place to vent.

It's a weird time we're living in, you know. hour a day because you need a place to vent it's a weird time we're living in you know uh and i tell you i'm more scared of people cracking down on free speech than i am covet 19 you probably feel the same way we need a place to cut loose i'm all for it it's the reason i got into comedy i couldn't believe i could say the shit i was saying as opposed to some of you guys at work you know you get fired for even thinking this so uh anyways we appreciate your support um and uh keep watching the show you think it i will say it We'll see you... How do I end this fucking thing? All right. Hey. Hey. How are you, folks?

Welcome to... Oh, Raz, that was a little abrupt. You're going to fade it, man. Come on. I get this guy emailing and yelling at you. He's nuts. I told him to stop emailing. Ugh.

Raz doesn't take criticism too good. What's going on, folks? Welcome. It's a Monday. Excuse me. It's just another Manic Monday, and that's my fun day. How you doing? Hope you're safe and corona-free and doing everything people tell you to do, blah, blah, blah.

I don't know. I go outside. Everybody driving by now has a mask on in their car. Am I the only one being a dick? I'm sitting on my porch smoking. How are you? But then I see people jogging by with nothing on. I don't know what to say. But anyways, where's the picture I asked for? There it is. You guys, I watched the Target King. I finished it this weekend. I have never, ever seen a more bizarre story.

There's a reason the whole world is talking about it. If you haven't watched it on Netflix, please do. That's somebody put Trump's face on The Tiger King. Look at that fucking mullet. Look at it. I'm sick. We just washed the hair. You know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it he hits my hair

the target king guy's gay and he's the toughest gay guy ever one of the craziest motherfuckers i've ever and i'm on his side few people watching it the woman uh you know the peter type woman who came after him she's a scumbag and a murderer i think and once again imposing her will because she's a lefty it's what they do you know uh it's uh the way they see the world and they'll shut down people who don't agree with them he wasn't doing anything wrong at the very beginning if you remember correctly okay she's the one who helped him on fucking ravel fuck her and everything she stands for. This guy's a red-blooded American who likes dick.

What are we going to do? But fucking guys in a cage with 10 tigers wrestling him. I mean, a tiger grabs his foot and starts dragging him and he starts whacking the thing in the face. Didn't even look like he was nervous. He's fucking crazy. You want to see white trash on display? Never has there been a more interesting story. If you wrote this shit and you sent it to Hollywood as a script, they go, this is over the top.

You get guys in here, gay. You get guys who aren't gay who were on meth. So they blew this guy and slept with him so they could fucking make $100 a week. One guy's got three teeth. Equidistant. You couldn't make $100 a week. One guy's got three teeth. Equidistant. You couldn't make it up. If you did that in a movie, you go to the makeup guy, come on. You're making this, you know, nobody has meth teeth like that.

It's the funniest, craziest story I've ever seen. That thing is going to win so many Emmys, it's not funny. But somebody put Trump's face on it. And Donald Jr. is going to kick out of it. He put it on his Twitter. But Tiger King has a lot in common with trump he's uh you know he's a fucking salesman a barker and uh whatever he he's a man of action threatening to kill the woman on his podcast and shit pictures of her

head in a jar i love him i love the guy i I'm not going to fucking marry him. He's a hillbilly fag. I like Dick. Just watch it. I don't even bother trying to describe it to people who haven't seen it. You can't. They're with justice. Anyways, thank you again. A ton of donations.

I'll get to them later coming in because we're free now, and it's how we keep the show going. NickDip.com. And if you're watching us on YouTube, just click that subscribe button. Get those numbers up. We've got to bring in some sponsors so I can keep my baby in diapers. I've got mouths to feed, motherfucker. Mayor

of Tybee. Tybee Island is right down here near where I live. It's the big, beautiful beach here that everybody goes to. the uh the mayor wants it closed ironically sort of a reverse thing of jaws uh he wants it he wanted it closed there he is this is the mayor fucking mayor larry vaughn but tybee mayor wants it closed even though it's going to hurt his business and the governor of uh georgia camp what had a thing saying he wanted it open, and they were arguing about it.

Eventually, Kemp came around, I think, and shut the beat. But it reminded me of, you know, we can't show the scene in Jaws because, you know, it's copywritten and shit. But I just pictured them having a town meeting down here, and, you know, they're all yapping away at the town meeting remember the scene in Jaws with the mayor and all of a sudden you hear the fingers on the chalkboard and it cuts over it's Dr. Anthony Fauci I'll know how I end up living it's a bad germ not talking about chicken pox or common cold. I'll catch him. I'll catch it for five. I'll kill it for ten. And I don't want any more doctors, too many doctors on this island. I'll do it myself. Anyways, yeah,

my boy Quentin. Proves that you wealthy college boys don't have the education enough to admit when you're wrong. Yes, that's Tybee Mayer talking to the governor. So that was interesting, you know. We had a reverse on that thing. And it's such a beautiful fucking beach, too. It's beautiful. It's where Raz gets his tan. Speaking of tans, let's get right to it.

This, you see this fucking, oh, you Democrats, honest to it this you see this fucking oh you democrats honest to god you're the fucking filthiest rotten not all of yous i'm just saying as far as washington dc goes fuck reaching across the aisle liberalism has to be wiped out okay wipe the fuck out uh state represent democrat tavia galinsky vows to report trump's chloroquine remarks as crimes against humanity i'm not making that up you fat nasty black bitch uh she fumes sunday that president trump should be uh tried for crimes against humanity for his remarks at the white house Coronavirus Task Force briefing. She says, I can't take it anymore.

Galansky wrote on social media condemning Trump's expression of hope that the drug hydroxychloroquine will successfully treat coronavirus patients. I've been to The Hague. I'm making a referral for crimes against humanity. She's serious serious you stupid fucking today's press conference was the last straw she says uh i know the need for a prosecution referral when i see one you're just another hateful fucking uh minority who doesn't like trump and you're convinced he's a racist and you're dumb. I don't

know who voted you fucking in. You people, you know what? You deserve what you get. You people, did you really vote her in? I don't think votes count. After seeing who runs this country, I really don't think any of our votes count. Today's press conference was the last. Media critics have claimed that Trump is ignoring the facts spoken by members of his uh this coronavirus task force including Dr. Anthony Fauci uh it's also saved a lot of people and there are people uh in in other countries that are using the hydroxychloroquine so uh news news repeat Newsweek reported another part of the mainstream media given the opportunity to answer the question, the anti-malarial drug on CBS's Face the Nation,

Fauci sought to make clear that in terms of science, I don't think we can definitely say it works. Well, that's your opinion. Everybody's treating this guy like he's fucking God. And he actually said back when this started that it wouldn't be anything for us to worry about. So this guy's been wrong too a few times. I mean, he's definitely the lead guy

and I believe, you know, he's as smart, he's as good as anybody at this shit, but he's not always right. The data, I really, the data are really just at best suggestive, he says. There have been cases that show there may be an effect and there are others to show there's no effect. Well, tell that to somebody who's fucking dying or whose relatives are in critical condition because a

couple people have already been saved by it yeah let's take time and test it all this is where fucking lawyers get involved whatever but she thinks it's crimes against humanity this stubby just another anti-Trumper. How far have we fallen? Think about the founding fathers who fucking built this thing. And look at the nitwits. The Maxine Waters, the Chuck Schumers, the fucking Pelosi's of the world. And this Galonski pig.

Unbelievable. People are dying. We're in the middle of a pandemic and they're playing politics. Do you know that the fucking, uh, saggy tits Pelosi is trying to start another committee to investigate Trump about this shit. And Adam Schiff, I guess he, he, he showed his face this weekend. How fucking dare they? Here's what's going to happen. This shit's going to clear up like that. Whether it's a few weeks or a month, shit's going to clear up like that. Whether it's a few weeks or a month, it's going to clear up like that. You know what's going to happen?

They're going to look at the numbers and go, hey, you know, we didn't do that bad. On top of the great economy before it crashed, Trump's going to get fucking, he's going to roll in November. Again, if Google doesn't fucking pull there. Anyways, I'm furious right now. I hate fucking Mondays. I'm not funny till like fucking Tuesday night.

Maybe it's because I ate like a pig yesterday. Guys, you know what ragu bolognese is? Ground chuck and fucking ground beef and ground pork. It's basically an Italian sloppy joe, only you cook it for four to five hours. And it's about 1,000 calories a fucking teaspoonful. I made a pound of pasta. I ate three quarters of it. My wife had a quarter pound. Not even fucking 40 minutes later, I'm eating a Klondike bar on top of raggedy bolognese. And then I found those little Debbie things in the fucking closet.

You know the little Debbie things? I eat those like mints. And then I found those little Debbie things in the fucking closet. You know, the little Debbie things. I eat those like mints. If I didn't take in 2000 calories laying on the couch last night in a fucking matter of an hour. That's why I'm going to go running to you in a park without a mask. Fucking speaking of fat people, Mexico is in the news.

What's the average Mexican? Five, one, 260. That's the women I'm talking about. But when they're hot, they're hot. Am I right? Mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. Anyways, Mexican coronavirus cases spike 21%. 21% over the weekend. 21.

21. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Over the weekend. One A one. Third world shithole. Mexican health officials saw a 21% jump in new cases of the virus in a span of two days. Well, you know, about three weeks ago, they had a concert with about 100,000 people at it. And can you imagine what their health care system looks like? What do you do? Rub fucking rooster blood on somebody's ass when they get fucking fever? Come on. It's the reason you're climbing over our fence, leading to a total of two thousand one hundred forty three since the

pandemic first arrived in the country. And officials are saying the toughest part is yet to come. Mexico's undersecretary of health, and you know who that is, Hugo Lopez Guterres. Used to work with Pablo Escobar, you know, Saint Dave. No, that's Colombian, it doesn't matter. Anyways, he revealed

on an Etch-A-Sketch and crayons the newest statistics in a nightly news conference in Mexico. Currently,xico has 2143 confirmed cases and 94 fatalities directly related health officials also revealed they're looking at 5209 test cases the number of confirmed cases showed a dramatic jump from 1688 on friday to 2143 on sunday night the two-day 21% movement marks the sharpest spike since the pandemic first appeared.

And that's scary because they border us and, like I said, I don't know. You're going to hear this, you know, coming over the fucking wall. Stay still! Don't eat shit, you son of a bitch! What are you doing? I'm going to die!

We had microphones at an urgent care in fucking Mexico City. During the conference, Lopez-Gatell won the public the worst is yet to come as Mexico nears the time frame, what he calls phase three, when transmissions run at such an accelerated rate where it is hard to track the source of contagion. The health officials claimed phase three could be arriving in Mexico within two to three weeks. Ay, ay, ay. We're surrounded by this. We have to be very disciplined, Lopez-Gatell said. Stay at home. Stay en la casa. I don't know how to say stay, but casa. This is the way to control the epidemic. The more we can control spread during phase two, the better we will fare in phase three. The health officials asked the public to minimize their outgoings to only essential trips, you know, titty bars and picking up fucking lime juice. That's another thing I did.

I didn't mention that. After the Klondike bars and the pound of fucking bolognese and Little Debbie's, I had the nerve to make fucking, you know what, like pina coladas. Dude, my belt is cutting into my fucking belly button right now. Anyways, so that makes me nervous. Mexico, you know, we love our Mexican people, but aye, aye, aye. I suggest if you have anybody cleaning your pool or blowing leaves in front of your house, bring them a mask. By the way, you got to watch Narcos, too. Got to watch Narcos. The fucking Colombian one with Pablo Escobar.

I said the Razz. You know what I want to be? I want to be to Democrats with Pablo Escobar, which is the Colombian government. That's what I want to be. Fucking ruthless. This guy is so good that plays Pablo. He doesn't get that mad often, but what he does here. He's got this fucking big, silly mustache.

Fucking frightening. Them crazy eyes. Anyways, watch that. Please, you got Tiger King and Narcos. I'm not even that big of a TV. You know, I like fucking, you know, I like girls soccer. But listen, I talk about the Dems are trying to take political advantages because it's their religion they put it ahead of everything their kids their families it is

their fucking religion power is and and pelosi is the most disgusting fucking pig ever to step foot in washington i really believe that but they're still trying to take it so they're doing the press briefings like they do every day about the coronavirus. And some nitwit press person brings up the impeachment thing. So that that's sort of got a Trump sidetrack during Saturday's coronavirus task force briefing. The president went off on an unprecedented rant about the unnamed whistleblower after he had fired Michael Atkinson, the intelligence community inspector general who passed the report to Congress. Trump went nuts. He said, that man is a disgrace to IGs.

Then he wanted to move on to the next question. He's a total disgrace. He's not a Trump fan, I can tell you that. He says, you know who the whistleblower is, and so do you, and so does everybody in this room, and so do I. Everybody knows. But they gave this whistleblower a status that he doesn't deserve. He's a fake whistleblower. And frankly, somebody ought to sue his ass. Show the clip. I. So now they move on. The governor, they're going to go talk about ventilators. And Trump still has this so much in his mind, he can few. Go ahead.

...ventilators and that he has accepted a thousand of them from the Chinese government. Are you concerned? What he didn't say is, let me tell you what he didn't say. Two very good friends of mine brought him those ventilators. Two very good friends of mine brought him those. What's the word? Brought him those ventilators. Two very good friends of mine. They brought him. And of course, the press goes crazy.

Literally, literally Democrats are going, oh, oh, no, this is a bad sign. He's confusing his words now. And you have the balls to say that when fucking joe biden is hiding in his basement because he can't put a fucking sentence together how fucking dare you trump's probably up 19 hours a day working on this shit and why are you bringing up impeachment anyways when people are dying you fuck stains you know what it proves you guys got nothing you have nothing to add as far as policy goes to move this country forward or in the future. You have nothing to run on in November. And you fucking know it.

It's one thing for the press to bring it up. But then you have quotes from, you know, oh, no, his mental faculty. You have to be shitting me when fucking Biden is sitting home in a diaper and he's your fucking lead candidate. My sister's fucking nipples. Jesus. Age. home in a diaper and he's your fucking lead candidate my sister's fucking nipples Jesus H oh we confused two words you know it's funny he's been in office what three years now do you remember him confusing any other words that'll happen when you work 19 hour days not because you see Niile. Yeah, and I am defending him. He goes, I sent the hospital three whistleblowers. Somebody did a cartoon of somebody wrote something funny about three people have died because they hooked them up to whistleblowers or something instead of mental.

Not funny. But again, I laugh at anything at any time. That's my right as an American. Something we're losing in this country. This week's going to be a bummer, folks. The Surgeon General, you know the handsome black fella? He's got a lisp. I think he's gay, but what's that got to do with anything?

I'm just saying. You can't call Trump a bigot and shit when the Surgeon General is black. Maybe he's not gay. Maybe he just has a lisp, Nick. Well, OK, suit yourself. No, no, no, no, no. Another pig face we haven't heard from. Sunday on NBCbc's meet the press u.s surgeon general dr jerome adams has said the next week of the coronavirus pandemic in the united states would be our pearl harbor it's going to be a 9-11 moment boy he's a fucking ray of sunshine huh maybe we can get greta thunberg to step in and say a few words is Is that what it would take to shut her mouth, the fucking pandemic? We haven't heard from her. She must be in her room crying,

knitting a noose. But here's the Surgeon General. Take it away, Jerome. Here's what I say to them. Here's what I would say to them right now. The next week is going to be our Pearl Harbor moment. It's going to be our 9-11

moment. It's going to be the hardest moment for many Americans in their entire lives. And we really need to understand that if we want to flatten that curve and get through to the other side, everyone needs to do their part. I've been looking for the curve. I don't know what you're talking about.

But he says this week's, I guess Thursday could be the peak. These models are pretty good at predicting that. Good news is Italy's finally on the other side of the hump apparently. You know, they can go back to fucking making meatballs by hand and spitting at each other in the streets.

I'm not spitting at you. I'm buffing off Corona. Singing off their balconies and shit. You're fine. You're guineas. You're goddamn guineas. Really make me laugh. So this could be like the worst week. And we know it's coming.

But you're going to yell at Trump for suggesting hydroxychloroquine. People are using it. What happened to the drive-through testings? They still doing that? I wanted to go through one. I think, and I'm being dead serious here. I really think I had it when I came home from Chicago a month ago. And I was chattering my teeth off and sweating through my sheets.

So I think I have the antibodies in it. They want people who had it. You know? Because you have the antibodies in it They want people who had it You know Because you have the antibodies They can take your blood And turn that into prevention I just don't know where to go Maybe I'll go over to 37th Street

Get stabbed in the ass That's the bad neighborhood around here And I'll dab it and bring it to the I don't know what to I want to help out I want to do something you know I mean other than squats and deep knee bends in the sunshine in my back yeah I got my yard set up like a prison yard I have a salon cement slab out there with my weights on my wife looks out the window giggling look at this old fuck you know who has a

really bad physique Tom Cruise I was watching Top Gun. His tits, his nipples are like three inches above his belly button. This is when he was in his like fucking 29. He's got the worst pecs I've ever seen. His body is so fucking weird. It's almost as bad as Joaquin Phoenix in the Joker. Remember that? I digress.

I'm just trying to lighten it up, folks. People are dying all around us and shit. Just stay in the house. People who aren't staying in the house, this is pretty funny. Thank you, Rich. My buddy Rich Wood, as you know, helped get this show going down here. He was my connection.

And he worked at Subaru. He's doing very well no i don't he's he hasn't he's doing great but richie wood uh sent me this uh anyways the center for disease control that's the cdc has finally begun recommending that americans wear some form of protective covering over their faces to combat the virus but with mass supplies running low and now generally being reserved for health care workers and people who can pay extraordinary amounts of money for person is folks are turning to more creative solutions to keep their faces covered. How about a stripper's ass? That'll do it. a lot of the time that looks like uh sewing your own mask or even wrapping something normal clothing item like a bandana or scarf around you yeah i'm gonna do that and get stabbed

you gotta be careful you're in those poor neighborhoods where coronavirus is afflicting you know if i got you go ahead wrap a red bandana around your face gets gets get stabbed by a crap uh but some people are getting very uh you know inventive shoppers have been caught out in a while wearing everything from underwear to plastic bags over their faces some are even turning to uh the whole thing into a game seeking out the strangest mass humans have come up with in these unprecedented uh times uh check out this video this guy got real creative uh are you kidding me if I did that with my sneaker, I'd die from fucking foot fungus smell. Look at this.

I wouldn't even serve him. I'd go, got that shit. Look at the fucking... Of course, he's got a size 17 foot. How can you see around it? Huh? How can you even see around it? That's a great fucking point, Raz.

How can you see around it? He's just going to walk into those bagels. Un-fucking-believable. Do you black people ever stop using your sneakers for anything? For Christ's sake. Somebody's going to shoot the poor guy because he's got an Air Jordans tied

to his... I was kidding, by the way. It's just a fucking... Go ahead. Is that the only one? I know I said... I was kidding, by the way. It's just a fucking joke. Go ahead. Is that the only one? I know I sent it. How about the picture of the guy with a maxi pad on his face.

Did I send it to you? It's in the article, right? Come on, Rez, quit it. It's very funny. Guy had a maxi pad on his face. Who hasn't done that? I usually wait until they're used. What? Who wouldn't? That's gross.

I think your brain is going south. I don't. I'm protecting myself. Kairana, Kairana, Kairana. Hey, guys. This episode of the Nick DiPaolo Show is brought to you by one of our favorite sponsors because it really works. BlueChew. You remember the guys.

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Just pay $5 shipping. free when you use our special promo code nick just pay five dollars shipping again that's b-l-u-e-chew dot com promo code nick to try it for free blue chew is better cheaper faster and we thank them for sponsoring the podcast so go out and get that come on i mean you're quarantined with your wife you can only play fucking yahtzee for so long right little strip poker take a few blue shoes bing bang zings out of zing next you know you get a kid you don't need what we have to laugh at this folks we have to people people of this kind this world it has no more sense of humor thanks to political correctness and and here's the here's the story of the weekend that sent me through the fucking roof my wife caught me throwing my work boots at the flat screen luckily i missed this just infuriated

me uh mike leach you know he is he's the coach of mississippi state football team he turned texas tech into a powerhouse uh he's a funny guy he's always tweeting has funny shit his players say he's funny too um anyways on wednesday night the recently hired leach tweeted a meme of an old lady knitting with the caption after two weeks of quarantine with her husband gertrude decided to knit him a scarf though the scarf is actually uh a noose as you can see in the picture leach received a blowback over the tweet including from multiple players I know what you did. You're a damn player. All right. Leach received blowback over the tweet,

including from multiple players and a school professor, because we all know college professors are so funny, right? According to the Mississippi Clarion-Ledger, Margaret A. Hagerman, she sounds like a ball, an assistant professor of sociology at MSU, condemned the tweet's racial undertones by saying lynching jokes are incredibly offensive anywhere, and especially in Mississippi. You need to shut the fuck up.

Let me explain something to you, Professor Douchebag. What does this have to do with race and slavery? It's a joke about a woman wanting to fucking hang her husband after it's making fun of men it's got nothing to do with fucking race and it gets worse i can understand because she's a a female professor on a college campus you can't find more humorless people but also a day, sophomore defensive end tackle Fabian Lovett announced his decision to enter the transfer portal. Lovett wrote, what the fuck, in response to Leach's tweet, which the 59-year-old coach has since deleted and apologized for, which was the biggest mistake of your life, coach. In announcing his decision to leave the sec school love it did

not indicate whether his decision resulted from leach's tweet but he did retweet a few comments that suggested a connection including uh one from fox's sports shannon sharp that criticized leach oh for you grow some fucking balls so what you're saying, Professor and Mr. Lovett, the football player, what you're saying is white people can't use the word noose in any context at all. If you follow the logic, that's what it is. Is that what you're saying? Why would a coach, he's coaching a college football team. You know what that means?

Mississippi State, which means he's been working college football team. You know what that means? Mississippi State, which means he's been working with young black guys, turning them into men his whole career. Do you really think if he was racist, he'd want to be a football coach? Period.

Nevermind Mississippi State. So we can't use it. You cannot bring up the fucking word noose in any context now. I mean, get the fuck over it. What a way to go through life. Keep pointing back to shit that happened 300 years ago or whatever. What a way to go through.

It's so disappointing. And I'm guessing the majority of the team is black and I don't see a bunch of other players losing their mind over it. You got to grow the fuck up. I mean, what the fuck? Nobody does more for young black men than college coaches, pulling them out of horrible living situations when they're high school kids. I mean, come on. It's a joke about hanging. And of course, if it was the other way around, right, if it was a guy knitting a nose to hang his wife the feminists would be all in a fucking uproar but just disappointing for a college age athlete to have that thin of skin

you basically probably don't like white people that's just my take on it they're so fucking infuriating me and then coach Leach you go out and apologize I mean, hey. Fucking. Kobe Bryant,

Kevin Garnett, Tim Duncan, among 2020 Basketball Hall of Fame inductees. Why does this one bug me? This is the second story that, you know, I'll tell you why. I like how they, this is how long did Kobe Bryant die? They still have to put it in the article.

Bryant, who died in a helicopter crash. Jesus, fuck yes. He was elected, January 26th was elected. He died on the 26th, was elected into the basketball hall of fame with Tim Duncan Garnett in the first year of eligibility. Also elected former NBA coach, Rudy Tomjanovich, former WNBA star, Tamika Catchings, Baylor women's basketball coach, Kim Mulkey, former division two women's coach, Barbara Stevens, former division one men's coach, Barbara Stevens, former division one men's coach, Eddie Sutton, and former FIBA executive Patrick Baumann. I know it's the

basketball hall of fame, right? So I, so I, I get that much, but you guys are the ones, you fucking libs who are obsessed with identity politics, gender, race. You have separate, you have separate dorms on college campuses for black kids and, and you have women's dorms and the safe spaces where white people aren't supposed to go. So I want you to do that with the basketball hall of fame. Sure. You can let these women coaches in that nobody knows. Nobody gives a fuck about, uh, Nick, that's not true. Yeah, it is basically. Build them a wing. I just want to see some segregation like you guys like to do on college campus. Like at Harvard when they had graduation, it was a totally black separate ceremony. Because you guys are falling back into fucking George Wallace. And I say segregation now, segregation tomorrow, and segregation forever.

No, idiot. No, but that's, you get my point, Raz? So separate it. Don't have the fucking, put up nine different wings at the basketball hall of fame. Here's why I get mad. I'm watching ESPN at the bottom, the crowd's going by, and some girl in college this year broke the record for most uh assists and point whatever yeah most assists and it said

in the fucking thing most assists by any male or female player and again that just is like a poke in my eye when I see that. That's apples and oranges. You know what I'm saying? Fucking Carol Stevens, her name should be next to Kobe's in the... Nick, you're just being... I'm just saying. Have a separate fucking... Not even a separate wing.

Have a women's basketball hall of fame. Quit trying to blur the fucking lines like this girl who said an assist record like that would have happened if she ever played against it do you see what I'm saying might seem petty to you but it's not it's irritating once again it's I said there's two type of people in this world politically correct people and honest people yes there is speaking of diversity we have a patreon question oh shit david s uh carriac shawm israel what what are the benefits and drawbacks of diversity in society

what res we go from uh fucking dick questions to David Esso and Tel Aviv scratch. What are the benefits and drawbacks of diversity in society? That's a fastball down the middle for me. As far as benefits, first of all, when you say of diversity, are you talking about diversity of thoughts and ideas? Because that's a benefit right that's what college campus was you bring great minds together you discuss stuff that's fine but as far as diversity is race and gender go what are the benefits to society um i don't see that many

what do you mean well i'm just saying if that's your criteria for hiring somebody which it is now you know black guy and a white guy go in the room and the uh if the black guy's more qualified but they hire the white guy that's racism right but if the black guy and white guy and the and the uh the white guy's more qualified but the high of the black guy that's affirmative action so uh how about picking on merit diversity is a smokescreen especially when it comes to colleges and shit oh you have to have all different types of such a crock of shit it should be you're there to learn we've lowered the standards. So that's how I feel, David. Yeah.

Do you want to watch a predominantly white NBA? Do you watch people play a foot under the rim? Or do you want it the way it is with the best fucking start? You see what I'm saying? Because if you want to do diversity, the quotas get involved. And hey, this league's way too black. See, it waters it down, doesn't it? Yeah.

I hope I answered your question, Dave, and I hope you're enjoying Israel. Jesus Christ, stay off the beaches. You'll get a missile in your – it's unbelievable. So, anyways, quit trying to pretend that, you know – and I get it. It's a basketball hall of fame. I get that. I just get it. But nobody's going there to the basketball hall of fame to see Barbara Stevens, to see her bust. Oh, my God.

That was horrible, Nick. Hey, guys. The team at thedonaldstuff.com are great supporters of the show as you know over the weekend they designed and put on sale uh this new t-shirt is part of the nick de paulo collection who am i fucking calvin klein i actually approve this one i like this of course they took the picture from the south magazine article where i look i have a plate in my head but uh that's that I want to see that at all my shows when we go back to doing comedy

in 2031. Look at the face I make when my wife hands me the checkbook and I go, what am I supposed to do with this? It's pretty good. Well done. Look at me. You know how much ass i'm gonna get for that

none of it female i got a purple dress shirt on like i'm a puerto rican selling a kilo on uh as you know this show is deplorably funny and i want to thank all you guys and the donaldstuff.com for allowing me to do what i do and i'm dead serious man this i look forward to coming here i've never had a job where i'm actually happy about coming to work yeah the last time it was that i was university man i used to come home in the summer and i was a groundskeeper at a danver state mental institution and it was my favorite job this is uh right up there anyways lots of great stuff uh on the donaldstuff.com. Go there, check out all the gear. Remember, when you use the promo code Nick,

you get 10% off everything on the website. Go to the donaldstuff.com, pick up a shirt or a mug or a hat, and support these guys, and we thank them for sponsoring this show. We really do. That's well done. I'm going to come up with some more shit for you. I know you guys use a lot of the catchphrases like, are you dog-styling me, my aching stem?

So look for that shit. I didn't know you worked at a mental institution. We didn't talk about that, Russ. Are you sure? Yeah, I have too. Did you really? Yeah. What were you doing?

So I was with kids, but they had schizophrenia and Tourette's and all kinds of crazy stuff yeah so i was like the leader over a group of 15 12 year olds any any of this uh the Tourette's they blurt out like an n-word or anything just some white kid who doesn't even have Tourette's. He's using it. I was a groundskeeper at Danvers State Bench. They made a movie about this place with David Caruso about 15 years ago called, God damn it, I can never remember, something nine. It's got the word, God damn it, I can never remember. Bunny Galore, I remember. But I was a groundskeeper as

and these are mentally ill people like those guys up there locked up for killing their families and it was crazy bars on the window we'll talk about that sometime uh let me get back to speaking of mentally ill people huh session nine if you want to see where I work, the building is still the same. It's a fucking D movie, but it's actually creepy. They did a good job. I used to bring girls up there parking at night. It was up on a hill. It was the biggest one in the country. It was for years. I used to bring girls up there at night to park because it's surrounded by cornfields. And I knew all because i was a groundskeeper all the dirt roads where we used to go drink beer for lunch and shit and i i'd bring them up on a moonlit night to be people looking out the window with their hands on the fucking you better blow me

and i get another car no i didn't do that that would be some type of hashtag me too movement but you find people like this guy, Florida man, Florida man, zoom bombed a middle school math class in orange County, Florida last week, exposed himself to the students, the Apopka police department investigating, but has not yet determined who the intruder was, who interpreted the Wolf Lake middle school of virtual class. Ella Alexis nearly said her 14 year old son was in the online classroom when the

incident took place hey little boy do you want some candy he told me that when they were in class all of a sudden a man came on the screen who was naked and had exposed himself to all the kids and i said how can i see him no fucking quiz in a memo sent to parents principal cynthia hopped said school administration handled the situation but did not offer any details as the coronavirus pandemic spreads and schools are closed down many classrooms have gone virtual but with that technological step comes some difficulties well does this happen a lot we did an image we did our last uh thing on zoom with uh don gavin right nobody stuck their dick behind me as crime online previous reported federal authorities have been warning about security

weaknesses in the popular video it's like skype uh conferencing app zoom that allows such zoom bombing to take place both the company and law enforcement officials have provided suggestions for tightening security, including using the waiting room feature. Nobody wants me in a waiting room during fucking COVID-19. And requiring our password to enter. Yeah, they couldn't hack that.

Oh, please. Anyways, sick bastards online. You know? the kid take a look at my package never mind your teacher over here oh that's an asaj who was that hey i gotta thank you uh these contributions i'm about to read are from since Thursday. And guys, you're the lifeblood of the show. Please, I can't thank you enough.

And again, you can do one-time contributions at nickdip.com or you can sign up at patreon.com. It'll be a monthly subscribe. And if you do that, you get an extra story every day exclusive to you. And you get access to over 300 previous shows we did. And you get to ask me a question. So these are the one-time contributions. Pete Woj, New Jersey.

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phil lay show enormous his cock joseph uh coppa bianco new y York. Scott Ripley, Massachusetts. Richard Quilty, California. Pelosi's Hairy Smelly Bush, Utah. Bet you Norm, bet you fucking Mitt Romney said that. Stephen Kelly or Stephen Kelly, California. Brendan Brosh, California. Philip Goldstein, New York. Stephen Kramer,

Massachusetts. Jared Kelly, Wyoming. G. Becker, Colorado. Linda Semelmayer, California. Calvin Polizzi, massachusetts jared kelly wyoming g becker colorado linda uh semel mayor california uh calvin paluzzi south dakota haywood haywood you blow me michigan i love you guys colin uh umphreys colorado romas koukoul, New Hampshire, Cameron Overton, North Carolina, Larry Mason, Tennessee,

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These are the people signing up at Patreon. Kansas Tinsley, Pat Bowen. Frank Labascio. Jack Bamberger. Brian's Puddle-O-Puke. Doug Kopp, Laverne McKenzie, Bruce, Jeff Jarrett, Kathy Bennett, Ryan Arnoldy, Brad Greenwell. Those guys are all monthly supporters at Patreon.com. Thank you guys so much. More important than ever.

Thank you guys so much. More important than ever. Finally tonight on Meet the Press. Here we go. I told you a long time ago, you fucking little monkey, not to fuck me. you fucking little monkey, not to fuck me. Monkeys and apes chain-smoking cigarettes as coronavirus panic grips the planet. This is a real story. I told you a long time ago,

you fucking little monkey, not to fuck me. Let me do my Pablo Escobar stressed out primates have taken a chain smoking that would include me no bigger monkey around the planet than me smoking cigarettes is the coronavirus give them a vape I want to see them work a vape see if they can fucking see if they can put the pot in it and

monkeys and chimps have failed to kick the habit as entertained visitors as seen excuse me as seen to laugh as the animals spark up amid the pandemic yeah i'm sure that's why they're doing it fucking break in cambonia one man took to social media to share a video titled, By 2020, Even Monkeys Can Smoke, which shows a tiny macabre monkey in a pen smoking a cigarette as another one looks on. They've been smoking forever. Show a clip. It doesn't matter.

More. Come on. I showed you. I sent you a couple. Cigarettes after catching a lighter. I told you a long time ago, you fucking little monkey, not to fuck me. The newly opened Central Zoo in North Korea made the light it. He lit it with another cigarette. I can't even do that. I'm so goddamn farsighted.

Did you see that? Is there any doubt that we came directly from these fuckers? Yeah, and I want to hear. Tell me how he's going to be dead in a few years because he smokes. Are you shitting me?

I'm surprised they don't show him like jerking off for us then having the cigarette like i like to do it seems that as worried as human panic over the pandemic unfolding around them their stress is rubbed off on monkeys no it hasn't they like a good cigarette it comes as the number of coronavirus cases continues to rocket in southeast asia with many people in war-torn Cambodia traveling neighboring countries for medical. That's what's creepy.

It's hitting these countries now. South China Morning Post reports Cambodia's coronavirus cases have spiked, forcing the government to ban travelers from countries including the U.S. and Italy. Blah, blah, blah. Anyways, tobacco, smoking, monkeys, and apes are nothing new.

The addiction often starts when the animals pick up and smoke discarded cigarette butts. That's how I started. Went into a convenience store. I saw a couple on the ground on the way in. They weren't finished. True story. In October 2016, a video showing a chimpanzee lighting and smoking a cigarette at a zoo in

Pyongyang, North Korea went viral after officials claimed she smoked a pack a day. She was also banging every other male monkey, and she's just a fucking dirty hoe. Anyways, I thought it would end on a fucking light note. But of course, oh, I just have to mention the PETA woman, because after watching the Tiger King, you know.

PETA President Ingrid Newkirk said it was cruel to willfully addict the chimpanzee to tobacco for human amusement. Oh, is that what you think? Really? Really? Fucking problem. You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. White on King Jammer. I got King Spunk bubble.

I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me. I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. You keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. They're so, aren't they the most just lighthearted people, those PETA people? Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich.

Yeah, Ingrid. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That is it for today, ladies and gentlemen. Again, thank you so much for donating at nickdip.com, one-time donations. You can also, if you want, you got a business, you want to be a sponsor on the show, nickdip.com also, I believe. And we'd love to chat with you about that. Obviously, we're going to have some new sponsors coming in. And patreon.com if you want to sign up monthly and get an extra story and all the other stuff I've said a thousand times. I'm being a fucking pitch man. Cameo.com.

Did about five of them over the weekend. I will send a personal video message to whatever person you want me to roasting them, beating them up verbally verbally, or being nice to them, saying happy birthday and whatever. Cameo.com, click on the Nick DiPaolo profile and be glad to do that. That is it. You guys think it, I will say it. You're very welcome. Stay in the house. Do what you're supposed to do, and we'll be here to entertain you

and get your mind off it for at least an hour. We'll see here to entertain you and get your mind off of at least an hour. We'll see you tomorrow. guitar solo I'm out.