The Nick DiPaolo Show - Talkin' About China Joe | Nick Di Paolo Show #1319

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

AOC Investigated By "Committee". China Joe Strikes Again. Philly Gas Station Owner Has Enough. Matt Araiza Let Off. Griner "Traded", Now Free.

Hi folks, please take a moment to share today's episode with someone who values the free speech and enjoys brutally honest comedy. I don't know either way to say it. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, how are you folks? Welcome, final day of the week. Great state of, well, kind of great state of Georgia. What a fucking fiasco, what a joke. It's just all, I could have told you the fucking percentages. I don't believe any of it, folks. I hate to be like this.

I want to be a good American and believe in the system, but they have defeated me. Ugh. And I hope there's a lot of young guys who don't think like that, because if we need servicemen, you know what I mean? But Jesus H. Well, I thought I'd get off on a positive start.

What else? Quick Boston wrap-up. Bruins kicked the shit out of the defending champions last night. 4-0 in Colorado. Beat them twice within the last week or so. Shut them out in Colorado. Yes, I understand Colorado was banged up last night, but so were the Bruins for the first month of the season.

Okay, anyways, somebody explain to me how the New Jersey Devils are fucking up there with us. I don't get it. And Red Sox picked up some Jap. Anyways, they did. They went over to Japan, and they got the, he's led in home runs the last two years or whatever. So I'm expecting, this is Japan, I'm expecting to see 55, 21 homers.

Whoop-de-doodle-do. It's fucking Japan. I'd have 11. Am I supposed to get excited? Although, but it's unbelievable his, like, on-base percentage. And he walked, I don't know how many, he must have, like, even though they're, I'm not making a Jap eye joke, but he's got a great eye. Apparently his are wide open.

Or two of them. Or two of them. Yeah, exactly. I know, they always say good eye. Remains me, again, of Dave Attell. The best part of making love is when it's a morning, the sun's coming up, you're looking through the windshield and you're looking to her good eye as she's

strapping on her leg and you realize you fucked a pirate. That's two days in a row of quote or tell. I got a crab in my day but tell. Yes, anyways, we got a Japanese guy. I don't know, he's led the league over the two years in a row.

He hits for a high average, whatever. Wait a minute. Maybe they just wanted a clutch guy. No, that's right. No, I do not. Absolutely. I trust these guys' taste in ballplay. I just don't know why we let them go like Schwarber, whatever his name is, and a few of these guys.

Who's the other right fielder that we had was a football player that has the same name as him what the hell was his name anyways i couldn't believe we let him go um i know i'm boring you people tough shit anyways uh oh and we picked up i think uh was jensen a braves closer? I don't think so. Kensley Jensen? No. That's all right. Big brother.

Apparently we got him in the bullpen, which is a big deal. I mean, they gave him a lot of money. So they're doing stuff. But I want to hear bigger names. I want to hear Babe Ruth's kid. Wait a minute, he'd be 86. What am I saying? You know what I mean.

Anyways, that's all I can think of. I made chowder two nights ago, homemade. Folks, honest to God, I should be selling shit out of a van in front of an elementary school. They don't know. Grooming for jizz. Listen, oh, for the love of God, Nick, your jizz doesn't have potatoes in it. You want to bet?

Oh, man, dude, you and the wife have to come over. Here want to bet? Oh, man, dude. You and the wife have to come over. Here's where I do my cooking in wintertime. New England clam chowder from fucking scratch. Starting with the bacon. You start it with bacon. That's right. Then you brown.

You take the bacon out after it's all browned, and then you put your onions in that. And at the end, when the chowder's done, you sprinkle the bacon, crunchy bacon chips on. Now you've got this smoky, clammy thing going on. It's like having a bad cold. It's great. Let's get to it.

Tax the bitch. That's AOC, I'm guessing. The House Ethics Committee. What do they think? They're tough doing this? Are you the same way? I said Dallas is probably the same. Oh, wow. How'd I go at them? It's more fucking theater. As much as I hate this broad.

The House Ethics Committee is investigating Okay. Okay. Sound like fucking GM Brady. The House Committee is investigating Democrat New York Rep. I'm going to laugh like this, like a girl.

I love him. They're investigating AOC, the congressional panel. Here she is sitting on her car keys. Confirmed on Wednesday. The eight-member committee provided no details about the nature of the investigation, The eight-member committee provided no details about the nature of the investigation, saying only that it had decided to extend its consideration of a matter brought to its attention on June 23rd of this year and would announce its ultimate course of action sometime next year. Yeah, take your fucking sweet time. That's me trying to get out of my driveway in New York. But socialist darling AOC was the subject of two complaints submitted to the Office of Congressional Ethics.

Isn't that funny? Talk about an oxymoron. Over her attendance at a sex party last year, where she ate out two big black man's assholes. Good night, everybody. See you later. Here's Bill with the wither. Her attendance at last year's Met Gala. You remember

this, right? Ocasio-Cortez made waves at the gala wearing a designer-made dress emblazoned with Tax the Rich right on that little spicky fine ass of hers. I got to give her that much, okay? Will you shut up? Will you?

Will you please shut up? Here she's seen with Gene Simmons transitioning. Look at this. That chick's either hot or scary. I can't. Both complaints allege the socialist Rep 33 broke House rules by accepting free tickets to the Star-Stead of Fear. Oh affair oh Jesus let's get the fucking yeah yo God let's put that

fucking Warren Commission back together are you fucking kidding me that's all you're gonna get this whore on the committee notes that the mere fact of a referral or an extension and the mandatory disclosure of such an extension and the name of the subject of the matter does not itself indicate a violation. Then what are you doing? You're almost admitting we're going for low-hanging fruit here. Lawmakers are allowed under chamber regulations to take free tickets to charity events directly from organizers. In the Post, it's previously reported that Ocasio-Cortez and her now

fiance, Riley Roberts, were directly invited by the Met Museum of Art. She's a little whore and a little piece of trash. You don't have to say that. I will. Conservative groups allege, however, that such an allowance does not, and I repeat, does not apply to the Met gala or gala. I like Gala. It makes me sound gayer. Since invitations are controlled by a for-profit company, media conglomerate Condé Nast, and the tables at the event are similarly sponsored by corporate entities. So the rules don't, you know what I'm saying? So she is technically wrong here. But again, I don't give a fucking rat's ass. And I want to see her hanging like they did fucking Saddam. I want to

see if they find her in a rat hole like Saddam. Oh, don't hurt me. The American Accountability Foundation, the organization behind the initial ethics complaint, filed against the congresswoman claimed the Instagram that Instagram was able to purchase access to rep Ocasio-Cortez that that is unavailable to the average citizens by sponsoring a table at the gala I don't know what all this means and frankly I just wanted to see your ass in that dress that's why I did this the second ethics complaint filed by the National Legal Policy Center alleged that the borrowed white brother Valey's gown worn by AOC, which featured the alleged tax the rich in red lettering on the back, constituted an impermissible gift because it was directly related to AOC's position with the House

as a highly visible controversial member, which I can see there's a little bit of a conflict of interest. She's, you know what I mean? She's got a political message on her. Whatever the fuck. What are we all gay here? Let her. Now, is this any different than what any politician does? No, that's what I mean. Is that where you're going to start with the little stuff? Honestly, I don't give a fuck. Probably Lindsey Graham jealous of her dress. Let me just say something about that.

I got a couple of Cub Scouts in my house. It's getting pretty good. I'm going to put that together with my... Miss Picardo dating a you know I'm married to a hot chink, right? You know I'm not good looking, which means I've got a cock like a python.

China Joe. Oh, I'm on to the next story, folks. Sorry. Let me take a sip of my jizz Phil Covey. China Joe strikes again. China Joe. Talking about China Joe. China Joe. The Department of Energy under President Joe Biden is touting a $200 million grant it gave to a lithium battery company that

would help the United States grow its domestic sauce. You guys, you guys, I'll What's Jeff Denim and Peanuts doing out? Puppet I should have said. That would've been hilarious. Oh Jesus. If that's not him you can suck my ass. It's a bunch of malarkey. You're a dog-faced pony soldier. Anyways, you guys understand this whole green thing, right? It's a globalist cabal to break the bank in the United States. You guys understand that's all it is.

There's no rush to fucking, Miami's not underwater like it was supposed to be 20 years ago, Al Gore said. Don't fucking buy it. Okay? Climate, we all know, if you look at the goddamn graph since the caveman goes up and down, it gets hot, it gets cold. It's just a way to suck

the life out of the middle class and collapse our system with taxes. Help the United States grow its domestic sources of green energy. When I want green energy, I eat a lot of broccoli. Balance of nature. If I see that commercial one more time, I'm going to fucking give my dog a handjob and send it in. To what? Fucking queer's funniest videos. It's a max source of green energy, even though it primarily operates in China. So the company operates in China,

but they're touting it as an American, you know. MicroVast, a Texas-based company that primarily operates in... According to the Washington Free Beacon, received $200 million in grant money. You're going to tell me they don't have Biden over a barrel. You're going to tell me China doesn't have all kinds of shit on Biden. Right?

He's compromised. He's compromised. He stole an election. What else do you have to do? Who's with me? Oh, yeah, there's no live audience. Oh, Dallas is here. Received $200 million in grant money provided by the U.S. government

from the so-called bipartisan infrastructure. Yeah, it's kind of a... Republicans all voted against it, didn't they? Maybe one fucking tooth. Oh, by the way, Ted Cruz's daughter tried to kill herself. What the fuck's that about? And you know they're having a field day on the left-wing website. I wouldn't even...

The so-called bipartisan infrastructure law to help shift the country to green energy. Biden's son, Hunter Biden. When the grants were announced in October, Secretary of Energy Jennifer Granholm, this dumb bitch has been on Sunday morning shows. She doesn't... Tucker Carlson took her through the clean as one show. Quoting shit she said about energy and she was fucking factually wrong about five out of six things.

I mean, just saying the right things, if you're a Democrat. Look at her, she looks like Herbie, independent. Energy Jennifer Granholm touted the investment in American-made products. So she's lying through her filthy teeth. Just get it over with and grow a dick there, young Wayne Gretzky. This is truly... This is...

Actually, you look kind of cute there. This is... Then again, I'd fuck a pillow at this point. I don't know. This is truly a remarkable time for manufacturing in America as President Biden's agenda and historic investments super... This is her talking.

Look at somebody jizzed in his eye. Supercharge the private sector to ensure our clean energy future is American made. Oh my God, the balls on these people. It's obviously coming out of China most of this. Producing advanced batteries and components here at home. But we just said most of it's done in China.

Here at home, we'll accelerate the transition. They probably have one guy set up in a garage here just so they can say that legally. From fossil fuels to meet the strong demand. Speaking of fossil fuels, let's burn Biden for electric vehicles.

Again, creating a demand that really isn't there. Nobody gives a fuck about, suck my ass, creating more good pay. I like that fucking, like, Elon Musk created that company, God bless him, but I don't hear him out there going, we've got to get it done. Well, even Switzerland just announced yesterday

they're going to probably have a ban on electric vehicles over winter. Yes! That's right! I read that also in Switzerland Weekly. It's all horseshit, folks. Creating more good-paying jobs across the country, you lying pig. You're a liar! Liar!

Whore! Liar! Whore! And you know it! Additionally, in the Grant's announcement, the Department of Energy touted that MicroVast, can we get a few more companies with micro as the prefix, is a majority U.S.-owned company traded on NASDAQ. It's more American than goddamn apple pie and date rape. That is headquartered in Stafford, Texas, with additional locations in Tennessee, Florida, and Colorado. But you know, it's Chinese. They have chicken and broccoli on their Wednesdays. However, the Free Beacon explained that financial records reveal the company primarily works out of China. I kill you. I kill you right now. Kill me. I'm right here. Kill me. Okay,

I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks? Come over here, talk to me in the face. Like a Zamboni. I like how he goes, two chopsticks, and the guy thinks it over. Two chopsticks? You come over here. Like, that's doable. The report also noted that the so-called bipartisan infrastructure law states that the Department of Energy should avoid using the grant money

to fund any project that use battery material supplied by or originating from a foreign entity of concern, including companies subject to the jurisdiction or direction of what, folks? I'll give you one guess. China.

So it says it right in it, and we're doing it anyways. So, you know, brand home. Fucking people. You have no idea how to defend a nation. I'm going to find out what the hell happened here. I'll get back to you on Monday. What am I doing this weekend? Army, Navy.

I was just talking to Dallas. I always forget weekend? Army, Navy. I was talking to Dallas. I always forget FBF, SCA. FCS is like division. It used to be called 1AA. They've had a playoff system for a while, and it's good, man. I've watched some of those games. Huh? Every year, it never disappoints.

You rarely see a blowout. No, you're right. You got that. Is it North Dakota State, or is it South Dakota? I always it never disappoints. You rarely see a blowout. No, you're right. You got that. Is it North Dakota State or is it South Dakota? I always confuse green and yellow. They've won the national title I don't know how many years. Have they stepped up? I don't know.

But you always see this another team, white union or union versus white something. I watched them one year. To this day, it's the best, most exciting football game I ever. I can't even repeat to you guys what happened. I know it went into three overtimes. But the point was, twice, the team that was losing was down to fourth and whatever. They had to get a first down to extend the game. And they did it.

And they tied it. I can't even. It was one of those. I didn't even talk about it to my friends because I couldn't remember how many times the lead changed. Anyways, I'm just saying if you're like me and have fucking zero ambition to do anything that takes

any effort, put on that TV and fucking lay the like you're paralyzed. Anyways, head over to NickDip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. I'm selling Gabe

Carter cap shoes. It's yet another way to support the show and look good at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my book. Take that jerk off with you when you leave the house, Diane. That was my first book. Signed copies of my previous specials, Johnny Grizzlecock, Alive at the Palladium.

And all of the knicker shirts. I think my penis is shrinking as I get older, and there's no room for that. I think I beat it so much over the years that it stunted its growth, like you're hitting a puppy with a shovel. Again, fine. It's like a whack-a-mole.

Yeah. Yeah. Fucking too many whacks on the mole. I do have a mole. How'd you know I had a mole on my dick? Don't ask. Ooh, that was a creepy one. That could have been a trans woman.

Anyway, again, yeah, show or grower, whatever the fuck. Fine when it's hard no complaints from anybody couple guys but I'm just saying it's so god damn unimpressive when it's flaccid and my wife goes

what do you care you're married I said shut up no and here's my here's what I say to her and I'm not shitting I sound like a mother

that wants you to wear clean underwear in case you get hit by a car. I don't want to fucking be in an accident and fucking, you know what I mean? I don't care if it works anymore. I just want to show her. Anyways, I just really went to a dark place in the middle of a story. By the way, you can get Nica shirts. Holy shit.

How the show is doesn't get 11 likes instead of 10 is beyond me. Just go to, oh, by the way, we're working, I guess you guys

should know this. It's kind of inside baseball here at the Acid Tongue Company. But we're talking to a guy that worked for us

previously who's a, literally an internet marketing fucking whiz. And, he worked for us when our numbers went through the roof. Again,

it was right after I released my special. So he had some wind behind his back, but this guy knows how to work every fucking angle. And, yeah, because I think more people

need to see it. And he knows all the platforms. He knows how to... Anyways, you might have heard of him. His name is Hunter Biden. Go to nickdip.com and click on the store. I forgot what I was talking about. Again, nickdip.com and buy yourself a silly hat. Give it to your

mother for fucking Christmas and tell her to fuck off. Headline, folks. Go ahead and make my day. For you kids under fucking 70. That was Clint Eastwood lying from his dirty Harry days. Philadelphia's police force remains understaffed according to the Philadelphia Police Department.

Well, they would know. There have been 478 murders so far this year. This year. 45% of those, Allen Iverson's house. The odds of becoming a victim of a property

crime in the city, oh my God. One in 34? That's fucking ridiculous. We're not talking about Burlington, Vermont, with his eight houses. This is Philadelphia, a major metropolitan area. One in 34? Do you have windows and doors on your house?

What the fuck? One North Philadelphia proprietor has had enough. Of course he has. I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore. No longer willing to leave his life, his livelihood, and his customers' well-being to chance, Neil Patel, got to be the most popular name in India. Neil, how are you? Might want to lay off the Snickers at the gas station.

Who runs Carco gas station at Broad and Clearfield streets. I mean, Broad is right down the fucking like it says, has raised his own defense force. I used to wander around Philly. When I did comedy there, I used to love. It's kind of crazy, but

I'd stay right in the main drag. But I was about to do a gig. Again, I might have told this story before. I'm at Helium. It's a Friday night. I walk from the hotel. I take a left onto the street.

I'm not going to walk about a mile to the club. And I notice I can see lights on a Con Ed truck doing this. And as I'm walking, I'm getting closer. I go, is that right in front of the club? Sure the fuck enough. I get within, I'd getting closer. I go, is that right in front of the club? Sure the fuck enough. I get within, I'd say, eight blocks of the club, and all the fucking lights are out on that block. This is the summertime.

Sure enough, fucking some power surge blew out all the power. So I go down into helium. I'm there about a half hour before the show. It's about 112 degrees. It's like underground. So we break out the vodka. I get so... It was like

having a snow day. I was all ready to work. Like, no, no show tonight. I fuck it like a child. I get so fucked up, I get lost trying to get back to the hotel. First I stopped off at other bars. That's when I realized I was old. I was looking around at this one bar

and I go, oh my god I'm not like a few years older. These are kids in here Then after the third girl threw wine in my face, I better go. No So I get out of there and I fucking get lost I had to ask somebody how to get back to the peninsula or whatever I was doing. But listen to this I'm walking down the sidewalk. There's a limo and This limo opens And this limo opens and this big heavy black girl gets out

with a beautiful face, high school age, with a gown on. I guess it was a prom going on. And all I said was, you look really nice. Like a gentleman. Her boyfriend gets out. What the fuck are you saying?

Billy. Black kid. I go fuck are you saying? Billy. Black kid. I go, are you fucking kidding? I said, I just complimented her. I'm going to get in a fight with a senior in high school because I complimented his elephant of a girlfriend. So I had to cross the street immediately. How funny is that?

Fucking, oh, road stories, folks. Then I went, they're all in the sand. I ended up jerking off to an empty pizza box while watching SportsCenter, not even porn. It's unclear, however, if elements, what am I talking about, of that force past offenses will come back to jeopardize the initiative. I don't know why they think that.

The guy hired his own security because, you know what? Government doesn't do it for you. Patel owns 22 gas stations. Isn't that a lot of money? He's rich, right? In the region, 12 of which are in Philly, Fox 29 reported that Patel's gas stations have been repeatedly ransacked and vandalized. Patel's car was targeted. Jesus Christ.

An ATM machine was stolen from the premise. Again, the Amish are on the run. Shoplifting is a frequent occurrence. Well, thanks for clearing that up. Oh, fuck y'all. And I'm black, y'all. And I'm blacker than black. This is an aisle that, you know who?

Kamala Harris went down. She's having her period. Oh, wait a minute. What am I saying? She's 108. Excuse me. Let's move on. And a guy. And a guy. Wait a minute. Guys can have their periods, Dallas. You haven't been paying attention. According to WPVI, there was also a shooting at one of Patel's gas stations on Easter Sunday. Cops here, they don't do anything, said Patel, which is true. Krasner, Larry Krasner is the attorney general,

who's as far left. He makes, he's a Soros guy. He's a scumbag and people are dying on his behalf. And why nobody takes retribution on, I guess you don't want to go to prison, but somebody's got to do something. Nick, are you implying? No, I'm just saying the candy's all over the floor.

Feeling obligated to hire high-level security, Patel recruited so-called Pennsylvania SITE agents, private security guards, sporting semi-automatic rifles or shotguns. You want to save money? Hire some fucking kids in high school that'll play fucking Halo or whatever the fuck. These kids, yeah, but they don't have, I don't give a shit. See the, anyways. So they carry rifles, shotguns, automatic, and clad in Kevlar vests. Take a look at who he hired, and I don't blame the goddamn guys. I should have put some music to this. Philadelphia freedom, shine on me.

I love you, shine a light. Don't you move, you motherfucker. I'll blow your brains out. Yes, sirree. I might give Dallas, well, I might sell it to Dallas. I'm afraid of my own gun. You can't have that. I went three times to the range, and I don't even

remember how to fucking, and I know it's ready to go. That's all I know. I got it loaded. I got one in the chamber, 19 in the fucking whatever the fuck, 12 in my sister. It's ready to go. Is that what you call your magazine? Yes. Yeah, I call my magazine my sister.

Gives a whole new meaning to your sister's box. Oh, absolutely. S-I-T-E site apparently stands for strategic intervention. Yeah, real strategic. I'll stand in front of a Sunoco station and blow your head off. Tactical enforcement. While the website features an image of a badge with Commonwealth of Pennsylvania state agents, along with the seal of the state of Pennsylvania, the organization does not appear to be affiliated with the state government in any way. That's how you know it's going to work. How about that? That's the whole idea. It is unclear whether...

Dallas has done this type of work. It is unclear whether Patel's security force will be making arrests extra to protecting his properties. No, they're there to fucking clean your windshield. But you don't have opening? No. But why not? That was Patel's cousin trying to get a job with his uncle.

Uncle, I want to work for you. But you don't have opening? No. But why not? You hear how depressed the guy was? No. I'm having fun today. Why? Because it's Thursday. I've got to find a new bar to hang out at.

One by welcome out of this one. You can't throw fucking steaming hot chicken fingers out of the fryer later at a waiter you know that anyways let's move on to some kind of sports news hang time there's a phrase now dallas are you familiar with that phrase of course okay but you say of course but you haven't heard it spoken forever if you think about it it used to be said all the time they don't say it anymore interesting i never thought about that no you're right because i usually say it myself when i know it's a really extremely high that's right because you're my you're younger than me but you're of age where you watch football

it was used all the time not only, you don't hit what's. They would also, for a few years there, they had a timer where they would actually run a little clock on the hang time. Thank you very much, which is gone, basically, right? They don't even use the phrase hang time. Or here's another kind of related. Boy, this is called nerd sports talk. The phrase, I'll kick your coverage. Never hear that anymore.

And it happens all the time. How does shit get, how does phrases like that? I don't know. And punts are getting better and better and more precise. I've said it before. If you guys are NFL buffs and you know the history of the game, nothing has evolved more than the kicking game, whether it be field goals or

punters. Fucking field goals when I was a kid, back in the, you know, they had the leather helmets and Dallas, I'm kidding. God damn it. Guys would come in. I don't know if you, again, you were born when? 80?

Well, you watched NFL films. There's a guy named Jim Turner for the Broncos. He'd come in with his, he'd come in with his, this is how he kicked. He'd have his arms like this. He'd have a big, like, boot on you go fishing with. Take one step and kick it with a toe. Who was the barefoot kicker for the Falcons? Oh, there's been many barefoot kickers.

Yeah, but there's one for the Falcons who played until he was like 80 or something. No, you're thinking of... Even recently, though. No, I say recently. It was probably like 10, 15 years ago, but he still wore a helmet with a single bar. Yeah, it looks like when you make a lamp. Like I did as a kid. I had a

Vikings helmet. It was a lamp. Yes. I forget his name, but you're right. But the first one I remember, Barefoot, I think. I think he was. I know he was the first lefty. He was Gary O. Eupremian for the Miami Dolphins. He was a little balding guy. Looked like an accountant.

But he was from Europe somewhere. And then you had John Stennerud, who might be the greatest kicker ever for the Chiefs. Anyways, I'm boring these fuckers, but you're right. Morton Anderson. And then there's also a Paul McFadden. Morton Anderson was barefoot?

Yeah? Well, if it says it, he definitely was. Up at Maine? Our field goal definitely was. Up at Maine? Our field goal kicker. Up at Maine, I repeat. Jackie Leone. Note what? I'm not doing that shit.

He had to have no feeling in his foot ever. Dude, what a crazy little fuck. From Quincy Mass. Lives in Jacksonville now. Did very well for himself. An accountant. Was a funny guy. He could dunk a, I told you.

He's 5'6". 5'6 or 5'7". Could dunk a basketball before practice with his fucking football uniform on. Had the springs like you couldn't fucking believe. He kicked barefoot up at Maine. And I said, why do you do it? And it made perfect sense to me. He goes, because kicking a football with a shoe and a sock on

is like hitting a golf ball with a case still on the club. And it makes perfect sense until his foot fell off against New Hampshire. Anyways, back to this punter. I haven't even started the goddamn story. I've got two minutes left in the show. Former Bills punter Matt Araza will not face charges from allegations that he participated in a gang rape, pussy. What? It's a joke, folks.

Even Dallas gets squeamish when I say shit like that. This kid looks like me in fourth grade. squeamish when I say shit like that. This kid looks like me in fourth grade. In August, Ariza was accused in a civil suit, along with two of his former teammates at San Diego State University of raping a 17-year-old girl who was also claimed that she went in and out of consciousness during the incident, which I kind of believe. I don't know. He said, no, it isn't. It's called foreplay. Nick, that's not, I don't give a fuck. All right. Ultimately, prosecutors determined it was clear. The evidence does not support the filing of criminal charges and there is no path to a potential criminal conviction, the district attorney said.

See, that's too broad for me. What are you saying? It never happened? What do you mean? Did she make all this up? If she did, you would put that in this paragraph, wouldn't you? Saying she made it out a whole closet. Anyways, prosecutors can only file charges when they ethically, oh, so we're depending

on the ethics of a lawyer. charges when they ethically, oh, so we're depending on the ethics of a lawyer, when they ethically believe they can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. Oh, okay, not the ethics of the lawyer, but see, that's, I just find it hard to believe that she would make, and I'm not saying either, I'm just saying, do you guys get what I'm saying? I don't either. After the allegations against Ariza became public, he was released by the bills. The 22 year old said he's eager to get back to playing football. You snotty little bastard. Don't say that. I am grateful that the district attorney and the San Diego Police Department have discovered all the facts and found no criminal wrongdoing,

Ariza said in a statement. I'm excited to continue my NFL career and get this girl box seats. What? What? Which box? Oh, stop it, Dallas. That was too easy. You just opened the door.

I walked in. I know. Here's what I know about this punter. First of all, they call him the punt god in college. That's how great a punter he is. Very rarely do punters get drafted, although last year in the article said there was an outlier. Two of them did. But that does never hardly happens.

This kid, and I've watched some of his punts. He really, I don't know what, better check the ball for helium like they did Ray Guy. But I know this about him. He's not your average punter because I'm going to show you a clip of him punting. It's an average punt, but he makes the tackle and does it with some veracity. So he might be a Ray. No, I'm just kidding. Check out this.

I'm glad he's cleared. I hope that's right. But I am also feeling for the woman. 17-year-old girl, high school, with three college guys. I don't like it. Anyways, watch him make a tackle here on his own kick. Oh, again, silence? I should have put some NFL music.

I'll let you pick something silly next time. There's a punt. Not a bad punt. You guys aren't listening. This guy cuts back and gets grabbed around the head and thrown down like a baby. And guess who it is? The rape, I mean, the punter. So he's not your average, try that in the pros, though.

You're going to get your head knocked off. Anyways, I hope, look, I hope for all involved. I want to say things came out all right, but they can if you're the girl. I mean, you wouldn't just, yes, girls, some girls do this, but she's in high school. I know older broads that'll try to shake down an NFL player at a hotel, you know. Anyways, Ariza was given or raised a nickname, Punt God, for his exceptional, I was given the name Cunt God because I said it so much in high school, for his exceptional punting abilities at San Diego State, was selected by the Bills in the sixth round of this year's NFL draft. It is rare for punters to be drafted, especially really horny ones, they said.

What? What the hell? I am like God and God like me. I am as large as God. He is as small as I. He cannot above me nor I beneath him be. Selasia, 17th century. That was his statement when they asked me if he had anything to say before ruling. Ariza was accused of giving the girl a drink at a party that she claimed not only contained alcohol but other intoxicating substances.

She also claimed that he knew she was a high school student and was intoxicated, but nonetheless pressured her into oral sex. I have trouble believing that he... All right, we don't need details. Before the three football players took her to a bedroom and raped her for over an hour. Arraiza's attorney,

Kerry Armstrong, called the allegations a shakedown. What else is he going to say? It was a good time, but nobody was... I see, I don't know. It doesn't sit well with me.

But let's put it this way. It's the NFL he's going into and nobody's going to think twice. He's going to be taking showers with guys that doesn't sit well with me. But let's put it this way. It's the NFL he's going into and nobody's going to think twice. He's going to be taking showers with guys that don't work. Hey, guys, before I forget, make plans to come and see me on the road. Here's where I'll be and when. January 13th and 14th, Comedy Off-Broadway, Lexington, Kentucky. That's next month, by the way. February 3rd and 4th, the Grove Comedy Club.

This is back on. Dallas, did I not, right? Did we not? Didn't I say, I'm not making this up, right? I was told that they couldn't agree on a price. So I said, take it off the thing, because Tommy told me it wasn't going to happen. And now it's happening again,

and I'm the last one to find out, once again, from Tommy and my wife. I go, you want to let me into my career? I'm the last one to find out once again from Tommy and my wife. I go, you want to let me in on my career? I'm the one that has to go to drive to these smoky shitholes. By the way, this is not a shithole. This is a great club I heard from many people in the late 80s.

February 3rd and 4th, the Grove Comedy Club, Lowell, Arkansas. March 11th and 12th, the Comedy Club of KC in Kansas City, Missouri. April 21, 22, the Funny Bones, St. Louis and St. Charles, Missouri. Finally this week, ladies and gentlemen, final story of the week. Greiner, Greiner?

Yeah. The ingrate is home. Look, I'm glad she's home too. I'm just saying. Maybe you learned a little bit about how good the country you grew up in is. We'll see. The U.S. and Russia have exchanged jailed U.S. basketball star. Yeah, make it sound like it's fucking, you know, whatever, Steph Curry.

Brittany Griner for notorious arms dealer. Victor Bout held in American prison for 12 years. So there's the tray. We give the Russia gets them. We get Britney back and two power forwards and a rapist to be named later. President, look at this guy. It looks like a fake mustache. He looks like a suburban dad. This guy's known like Dr. Death. Fucking Russians, when they're smart, they're evil. President Joe Biden said Greiner was safe and on a plane home from the United Arab Emirates. I'm glad to say Britney's in good spirit.

This is the only thing that's gone right for fucking jerk off Joe, by the way. She needs, and after analyzing it, I don't think it was that good a call. But yes, we want our Americans. Britney's in good spirit. She needs time and space to recover, he said at the White House. Shut up. Who said that? You? Maybe I'll, uh, anyways.

You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that? When negotiations began to secure Griner's release during the summer, the U.S. made clear it wanted ex-Marine Paul Whelan to be included in an exchange but it became clear Whelan jailed in 2018 on suspicion of spying would not be part of the Russian swap dashing the hopes of his family that's too bad

very typical of America let's fucking don't worry about the Marine let's get the fucking seven-foot tranny. In the end, President Biden signed the order for Bout's release, commuting his 25-year jail term in a direct swap for Griner, and again, cash, and a relief pitcher from the fucking Japanese League. Sing blotting fucking fruit

fly. Victor Bout sold arms to warlords and rogue governments, becoming one of the world's most wanted men. You're a creep. Get away from me. Dubbed the Merchant of Death, it was Dallas' name in high school. Strangled two girls on a date.

He won't even tell me where they're buried. For gun running in the years after the fall of the Soviet Union, the Russians' exploits inspired the 2005 movie. Oh, it's that old, huh? Hollywood film, Lord of War, which was loosely based on his life. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved? Well, Nicolas Cage said so. His secretive, and that's why I didn't see it. Nicolas Cage does not excite me in the league, but that's a good, even he couldn't fuck up a good story,

I'm hoping. His secretive career was brought to an end by an elaborate U.S. sting in 2008 when he was arrested at a hotel at a comedy club called Yuck Yucks. No. In the Thai capital of Bangkok to the anger of the Russian government. You were mad because we captured a fucking doctor. He was extradited

two years later and has spent the past 12 years languishing in an American jail for conspiring to support terrorists and kill Americans.

Comrade, here is something that might be of interest to you. A transcript of the conversation between your helicopter pilot and his commander. We intercepted Dragonfly Wolf Dead. Colorful names. Here we are. We have... Dallas loves it. here we are we have talus loves it um so yeah just weigh that i know biden he'll put this in his you know feather in his cap but you you got a broad who uh i think had one triple double versus a guy who's blown up americans all over the world i'm gonna be curious to see 10 years

from now what this shapes how this shapes out because you know he's going to go right back into what he's doing. Yeah, but she's going on in Ukraine. That's true, but she could get like three or four rings in a WNBA. Oh, that's way more important. That was the joke. Thank you. Anyhow,

that's it, right? That's it. I don't like the trade, but I'm glad she's home. She's an American. Fuck the Russians. But boy, it took a lot for me to say that. So we got her back. So the guy, Dr. Death's free.

And he will be free. Like Dallas said, he'll be blowing shit up. And we got a punter he's got foot smells like a bucket of salmon and uh anyways that's that ladies and before I go I would like to thank the people meaning you guys who contribute to the show financially we're going to pick up the pace because I'm going to I my life's an open book okay it's been very mediocre lately again Christmas time Biden's economy Putin Putin's gas, we know the whole thing. On behalf

of myself, all the listeners, I want to thank everyone that is a patron or who contributes to the show. It's you guys that make the show possible. So if you listeners like what you hear and go to patreon.com forward slash the Nick DiPaolo show, sign up for exclusive

content like these guys did this past week. R, just the letter R. Am I that toxic? A, no. Alexander Oot. Rachel Taylor. Sounds hot. Brandon Hansborough.

Cedric Cruz. I also want to thank these folks that are either active duty or veterans. John, Chris Roberts, they signed up for our new military level, which is discounted for all former and active military as our way of showing appreciation for what you guys do. If you don't want to sign up a Patreon but want to make a one-time a monthly contribution, you can do it right at nickdip.com with venmo cash app paypal or any credit card thank you to sean powell paul sagnella bob curly jesus fucking christ the same nine names i'm getting furious rich gulotta steve

la barber nick powell jonathan keller again thank you guys for being there and those are some of those guys been there a long time we appreciate it that's it you guys think and I'll say very welcome see you back here on Monday have a great weekend hi good night everybody guitar solo Outro Music