The Nick DiPaolo Show - Thank You Skankfest 2024! | Nick Di Paolo Show #1630

Episode Date: October 1, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Skankfest, Vance Vs Walz and much more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder��s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! 11/9/24 – Bridge View Center Theater – Ottumwa, IA TIX:  https://www.nickdip.com/tour    For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

Music playing La la la la. Leave it in. It means sit on this cock sucker.ucker. Leave it in. It means sit on this, cocksucker. See what I learned today? You plug shit in and it works before you yell at it. How are you is, folks? Welcome. Haven't seen you in a while, unless you were in Salt Lake

City. The fucking lower teeth are discolored. That's it. I'm pulling them. I'm going to look like Tim Walls. You notice he's got no fucking teeth? How can you trust him? He knocked them out on a kitchen sink, blowing somebody a chef. Fucking jerk off. Anyways, great to be back. Wow. I am not, I can tell. I have aged. I was in Dallas for two nights, went on to Salt Lake City, then on to Vegas for two nights.

I used to do that all the time. As a young comic, you don't even blink at that shit. I felt like I was out there for fucking three weeks. And the world and technology is going so fast. I couldn't figure out Vegas fucking everything at Circa, which is really up to date. No phone in the room. You've got to use this little thing. looks like an iPad to order and shit, I'm throwing it off the wall, swearing at people on it. Get the... I'm trying...

It sucks! Fucking... fucking thing sucks! I'll order it live! I'll cook it, I'll eat it. I'm in the bathroom. Cirque is beautiful. Brand new hotel. Just I'm saying, I'm fucking 62. The technology is, I ordered food and a fucking hologram brought it to me. Wayne Newton.

I'm in the bathroom. The fucking mirror is beautiful. Even with good lighting. I haven't found a hotel with good lighting so I could shave in a bath his faggot It's designed it or something they always put the fucking lighting around the mirror instead one above your head where you need it I know I sound old fuck your mother anyways And I'm trying to brighten it and and there's the fucking like on a iPad

You know the up-and-down fucking on the mirror itself You know I I mean? Yet they, yet I had to shit in a bucket. Like a pail you put water in. No, and then I literally had to watch people walking, you know those little plastic things that at waist high that like when you go to a ball game they open up when you're fucking, I had to watch people do it before me.

I didn't know how to fucking just to fuck and I felt like a thousand but you know what first real quick thank you people that came out to Salt Lake City wise guys I had and I don't say this often I you know I've been known to kill it's not that important to me anymore but I that fucking place was sold out, and the roof rafters were. I got a standing ovation at the end, not from a few tables, half the crowd. The whole fucking place went nuts.

You guys don't understand how that makes me feel at this fucking age. It was just, I was in the groove. There was nothing they were offended by. I found my people. I'm up there cursing Tommy out going, Why haven't I played this mark in the last eight fucking years? Now put me in fucking Albany again.

No offense Tommy, you're doing a bang up job. Unbelievable. Thank you people. I shook every shook hands and took pictures for 55 minutes after the show. The place was so white and so nice. I'll say that again. So what because I'm not embarrassed anymore. Now that black people shit all over white people and say they're proud. So white and so nice. And there might have been a couple black people who were so fucking cool because they get it. And so white did I say that and so nice. Even the airport. Airport is just, everybody's

kind of good looking. Everybody, even when I'm taking pictures and shaking hands, they just lined up without anybody getting angry and trying to, it's, I'm sorry. Why am I sorry? It's a great culture. Anyways, so thank you. And people at Skankfest. This was so good for my ego. I got to tell you. There were people coming up to me all weekend in the streets or in the venue itself taking pictures. People, I used to want to say, 20 years young, now they're gonna say 30, because they're in their 30s, I'm in my 60s. And here's what I heard a hundred times. I've been following you forever. And I go, why can't you be a 38 year old white girl? But that's a forever I go I know Nobody said that you know they couldn't have been nicer honestly God And I got to thank Joe list for calling and asked me to do it and me finally fucking manning up I'm just not a Vegas person, and I still don't get it. I was at 12 minutes, and I I thought I was

gonna get fucking monkeypox from the remote if you stick it in your ass long enough but what cut that's me there's the biggest guy in comedy right now Nate Bergazi this motherfucker sells out arenas at four in the afternoon I think he does he does two shows like a little comedy clubs I think he has his own plane I'm not sure he's the biggest thing right now what I mean there's a bunch of at his level Sebastian Manning's and I get god bless him I'm just saying if I was their age I'd be fucking richer than Sammy Davis in the early 60s look at me I look like a

union boss talking to three guys that lift crates for a living. Nate Bergacci, my buddy Joe List, I always think of Omar and Scarface. I probably went to the business, so shut the fuck up. But it's so good, Joe's so popular, people taking pictures with him and shit. Again, I found him in Boston and he's grown leaps and bounds from a fall-down drunk to a wife with a kid he's sober and a very successful comic and fucking it's close as a kid I mean I'm just so proud of and then Mark Norman is as good a comic you'll find oh he's got a sunglasses off for that one I thought he was on heroin or something but he you all know Norman he's as good

as they come right now all these guys guys. I just, when you're younger you have jealousy and shit, but when you get older, no. And right now comedy, and it's probably waning down already, like Colin Quinn's the best at predicting when the wave comes or when. But there are so many guys that you don't even know, you know maybe from the internet now that are fucking fucking rich Tim Dillon Tim Dillon I used to see governors in Long Island just sitting around and he was always holding quote with comics I didn't know but I would see him from time to time and go he's got it. He's funny and and and he's fucking huge You know and a lot of them are helped long by Joe Rogan who I don't understand I Met Tony Hen. What are you? How do you say his name? God damn it, Henk Cliff. Sorry,

now I'm sounding really off. He's only got like the biggest podcast on fucking internet, one of the biggest after organs and he's like, I've been loving you for years. He's a young kid, young guy. I've been fucking loving you for years. It was good to meet these guys. I can do their shows and shows and it was just I'm glad I went I again I it's not my scene it but although Sunday morning it's I think it's around 11 o'clock 10 30 morning and I have a fucking Bacardi and Diet Coke and I'm sitting at this machine pretending to play it so I can watch the TVs next thing you know I lost about a hundred bucks in about I don't know hour and a lost about a hundred bucks in about, I don't know, hour and a half. It's the same hundred bucks I kept playing and watching the games and having a dirty little whore bring drinks over to me.

Oh, it's terrific. Anyways, there is the guy on the left with the beard. He wouldn't leave me alone all night. He'd get by me, drink and pinch my ass. That's, of course, Dallas, myself, Dallas friend, Richie from Arizona, right? And this is that Dave Smith podcast, right? I did stand up three times and this was the best. The last night, the Sunday night, I did stand up before.

Dave Smith is fucking huge, as you know, libertarian, huge audience, it was fun to play in front of his people and It was good to have Dallas and his buddy there Anything else and There's Dallas worked us into the show. I have no idea why I was asleep this way He's not even laughing you know serious as he knows I'm busting his balls Fucking guy I gotta do something about you He knows I'm busting his balls. Fucking guy, I gotta do something about you.

Look, this is Dallas, this is Dallas and his friend leaving the next morning. They took off at Skankfest. Leave me behind, check it out. Son of a bitch. Just thinking of spitting on me. They're like, let's get out of here. You can see in the background the Circa Hotel.

Look at Dallas is almost bored. You can tell he's such a military guy. He's got one eye club. Very cool. Dallas had a hell of a weekend. What's the name of the show it's going to be? Surviving Man, All Stars. It's the third season.

Third season of Surviving Man. And he's fucking like in a hot desert heat with a camera. And he has to follow the contestants running and shit for about 15 hours. I thought he had AIDS over the weekend. But again, thank you to Louis Gomez, who I think puts Scankfest together. He could be the next Vince McMahon

without the raping and the, although he's nuts too, but thank you, Luis Gomez and Big J and Christine, who are behind the scenes, I believe, and everybody, and Joe Liss for asking me to do it. Yeah, good time had by all. Um, that's about it. I didn't know I had, um, sound effects up there. Skankfest! Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos. And then I heard somebody yell at me, yell this at me like three times.

Christie, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole so Collins solo career Look what Dallas puts up See I have a sense of humor if I did that the him had quit today, who's that blonde girl that I'd like to fuck that the hammock quit today who's that blonde girl that I'd like to fuck you don't know if she's crying cuz she misses me or I spanked her with a fucking two-by-four anyways I think I got everything we might have some more footage tomorrow from from skank fest but and again thanks for Dave Smith for having me on and and I met TJ Miller who I had never met before and fucking loved

because he's a fucking little off kilter and I met TJ Miller who I had never met before and fucking loved because he's a fucking little off kilter and I love people like that. Legitimately nuts but funny but free speech is the fucking thing that he worries about most which tells me he's a fucking real comic and Sam was it Sam Tripoli? The comic all the guys on Dave Smith's show I hope I got his name right and Rob Bernstein course I came out with a Mel Bernstein was the cop in Scarface these kids like what are you talking about do something from Batman 3? I'll suck a dick and die by the way the penguin series looks good Do you know that? Colin Farrell's playing the penguin. It's a series like on Netflix.

It looks fucking good. It just looks like modern day crime only with a... Anyways, it looks good to me. But what do I know? I've never jerked off to a comic in my life. Book, I should say. What? Oh, I did jerk off to Pryor.

He was so good. When you really care about someone, you shout it from the mountaintops. So on behalf of Desjardins Insurance, I'm standing 20,000 feet above sea level to tell our clients that we really care about you! Home and auto insurance personalized to your needs! Weird, I don't remember saying that part. Visit Desjardins.com slash care and get insurance that's really big on care did I mention that we care hey I figured how to do this just keep going right and oh

by the way we didn't have a show yesterday because this power was out here and yes we did get hit a little bit and saying it's a bad Ordinary pub cry. I heard crap collapsed. Did you hear that? My wife told me I said that now they're gonna call an extraordinary pub You gotta just leave it the way it is. You're gonna eat on broken. Can you imagine it caved in? We had a ton of shit on our street there's a tree branch that's still on the median strip. If it fell on a car it would have crushed it. And there's all kinds of shit in the street. There's lights still out and

that's why we didn't have the show. Power was out till fucking yesterday, this morning right? So anyways and and God bless the people in North Carolina. We'll talk about them in a few. But tonight, first on the docket, I want to say a big fucking debate. I can't wait. J.D. Vance is going to take out that old phony girl, Tim Walz, Heartland born and raised vice presidential contenders. Yeah, try to make them sound like they're about the same thing right right off the get-go. You can suck my ass There you go. Here's some skank fest mooch What the fuck was that? Oh, yeah, Betty

Heartland born and raised vice president contenders, Ohio State JD Vance and Minnesota girl Tim Walls will venture into the Big Apple for Tuesday night's high stakes debate Guarantee that catch walls at P. Diddy's house going hey where'd everybody go with just over four weeks to go until election night so they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna get it on it sounds just like walls doesn't it he doesn't have any teeth I'm telling you he knocked him out from blowing people to get to where he is He's got more rug burns on his knees and Kamala does Both walls and Vance Vance is 40 jerk off his 60 that guy walls is 60. I'm two years older than him

Pretty sure I could whip his ass That's an old 60. Yeah, that's what happens when you go to China and live on dog feet. What the fuck that meant. I like look look at this equivocation Wall 60 Vance 40 are feeling intense pressure to please their running mates. No they're not. He is. He's shitting his pants. He even said so. And deliver a strong performance to who wrote this who's the communist coxsuckers who voters and what is likely to be the last televised verbal showdown of the tight 20 make sure you get the word tight in there

2020 for a presidential race and let me tell you something from what I'm watching on you can put it on any channel they're nervous on CNN there it I never believed in too big for them to rig because they're going to rig it no matter what the outcome. I really believe that. I mean, they tried to kill him twice. You see why I believe that, right, folks? I don't believe it.

If you took an honest poll, I honestly got it. It'd be the first time one person never got a state as far as electoral, none of them. That's how bad she is. Every time she opens her filthy mouth and lies, ugh. Let's take a look at JD Vance talking about why he thinks this is necessary, this debate. Well it's not really what I hope to get out of these additional debates, it's what the American people deserve to get out of seeing the people who want to be their vice president actually debate. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. That's good looking too. That's enough here. I just, you know, maybe I'm old fashioned, but as the person who's asking the American people for the awesome honor and responsibility of being their vice president, think I would have to go before the American people and make the case for why I deserve to have that job and I think it's disgraceful that Tim Walz and Kamala Harris are running from every media interview running from every reporter they refuse to respect the American people enough to stand

before them and actually ask them for their vote. So exactly, exactly. Do you understand the disrespect that you're being treated with? Who do they think they are? We're not going to tell you what we're about until we get fucking cheated in. I get shit pains right now. God damn it. Well, I was was there I was very light. People are going, what are you juicing? I go, what the? Juicing. I took ozempic, which knocked off the fat and I've been working out my whole life. They're talking to me like I was a retarded 14 year old girl they met in junior high school. Unlike the ABC News presidential debate, CBS News opted to forego any fancy locations for its VP showdown and will instead oversee the verbal bout in a garage on Fifth Avenue right behind him no in a studio located near the west side of Manhattan Midtown

I know where they don't I know his CBS studio is I used to do Dennis Miller's radio show in there you guys want me put the address out if you want to show up there I won't do it but I know exactly where it is. I've been around motherfuckers. The debate, here's some details you need to know. Kickoff at 9 p.m. Eastern Time. It's slated to span roughly 90 minutes. CBS Evening News, oh this ought to be fair, anchor Nora O'Donnell and face the fucking nation, which is what Walls and Harris should try to do. This ought to be fair. Anchor Nora O'Donnell and face the fucking nation, which is what Walls and Harris should try to do. Margaret Brennan, seen here on the set of MASH.

Nice coat. Couple of cuties. Will referee the matchup between Vance and Walls. Neither of them has moderated a general election presidential or vice presidential debate before, though they both were involved in a 2020 Democratic fight in the girls' room between Hillary Clinton and the male attendant trying to give her a search. Involved in a 2020 Democratic presidential primary debate. O'Donnell announced in July that she intends to step down as anchor of CBS Evening News after the presidential election.

She held that post for about five, I don't know why she's stepping down. Probably pre, pre, pre, our father. Should have said that into the mic. P. Diddy tapes are coming out about her. No. Brandon has experience in dealing with Vance after blowing him behind the dumpster at Arby's in South Carolina, having conducted interviews with him on her Jizzo My Face the Nation program. The network has dropped hints that the moderators may not be as aggressive at fact checking

the debate as the ABC news hosts were. Maybe, maybe not, maybe? It's not part of your job. Do you see these fucking, that's how bad it was. ABC, who's in the same bed, I mean CBS, excuse me, who's in the same bed as ABC, had to say, we're not gonna be as bad as them. Yet they're the same people, I mean, essentially,

as the ABC news hosts were, you know, they were only fact checking, by the way, Trump. Even that statement is misleading. Do you see how in this article, they equivocate like both sides have been being fact checked around it? Shut up. Matter of fact, say this.

You need to shut the fuck up. Anyways, that drew backlash from conservatives who felt the interventions were unfair. Don't talk about what they felt. It was unfair. Do you get it, you dirty hobos? Anyhow, hey, for those of you on Mug Club right now, stick around for the rest of this delicious show. The rest of you go to nickdip.com and sign up for Mug Club. You'll get my entire show, Steven Crowder's entire show, which is the best thing on the internet. Yes, am I biased? Maybe, but the numbers don't lie.

He's got an undercover team doing God's work that Trump's talking about and it's funny on top of that and it's based on facts that you can check. Not to blow the guy, but I think the show is pretty. And then he put me in there. I mean, I knocked it out of the park. They said it would have been a home run in one park, a little league one. God damn, I'm so funny. These teeth are coming out tonight. Um, uh, yeah. So, and when you're at, oh, don't forget, with crowders, when you sign up for that, you can get Alex Jones, he pops in,

I don't know, every other Friday or whatever, Brian Callan, a whole bunch of other stuff. Well worth the time. And when you're at my nickdip.com website, uh, November 9th, click on the tour dates, November 9th click on the tour dates November 9th the Bridge View Center Theatre a Tom what I am what am I doing that or am I moving a camera when I pound the desk I'll say that again November 9th the Bridge View Center Theatre a Tom what Iowa please be there or be queer.

I heard it's beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I have to ride two donkeys and I pass an alpaca farm in a cab to get there from the airport. So what else? Oh, and later on in the show, if you guys stick around, I'm gonna talk about, guess what? Another epidemic. Hey, you know, COVID-19 type thing only worse maybe

fatal it's supposedly gonna kick up right around election time right around now so you might want to stick around for that details and be lied to also Netflix hates Kamala Harris well not so much the company Netflix they actually love her but this guy Drew Hastings, who's the head of Netflix, he came out and supported her and you'll never guess what happened after that. Let's just say C-SPAN gets better numbers. Hi, good night everybody. I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be the one to fall

I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be the one to fall

I'm gonna be the one to fall I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man I'm gonna be a man, I'm gonna be a man Thanks for watching!