The Nick DiPaolo Show - That's What He El-Sayed | The Nick DiPaolo Show #1946

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

In today's episode Nick talks about JD Vs Sayed, Army Secretary Out, A Nurse Shark Attack, Unpopped Ears Leads To Cancer, Boobs and Gay Cheerleaders! WATCH THE FULL SHOW LIVE & FREE at 6pm ET only on Rumble! https://rumble.com/thenickdipaoloshow/ TOUR DATES, SOCIALS, PERSONAL VIDEOS, STREAM ALL MY COMEDY SPECIALS! https://www.nickdip.com/ MERCH - GRAB A MUG, TSHIRT, HOODIE, STICKERS AND MORE! https://shop.nickdip.com/

Hello, hello everybody. Welcome to the show. Good to be with you. Yes, I forgot my good teeth. Had the bad ones on the way in here, took them off on the ride. Just get used to fucking hillbilly neck. That's all I'm saying.

Now I'm getting those goddamn posts on Thursday. You know. Eye, aye, yoy. Anyways, I was talking to Dallas about. getting all. It's like I told you I treat my life. You know, this is how I do it. And I've probably explained it before on the show. I can't

remember what the fuck I said a week ago, two hours ago. Or a breakfast to that whore this morning. Not my wife. I'm talking about a whore. Not my... No, no. I haven't called that. I haven't called it that in two months. Yeah, I look at life as

average guy who lives about 80. So I look at it as a football game, 20 years each quarter. And so, you know, at the end of the third quarter, you're 60. And I'm 64. So I'm into the fourth quarter. And not only is my quarterback hurt, and the second quarterback hurt, too, we have to put in, like in baseball they put up a position player in to pitch when a game's 20 to one we have to put

an offensive lineman in a quarterback and my punt is a girl and where I'm on my own four it's forced to I'm gonna kill me um but I know I was doing the math here's what's creepy folks you do the math you go so I'm 64 so in 16 years I'll be 80 right so you go how long is 16 years well of it's 2016. If I go back 16 years, that's 2010. That might as well be 2017 as far as how it feels to me. I can't be distinguished between 2007, any years from then on, just it's all mush. All so I know is 16 years is the blank of the fucking eye. and it picks up speed I was talking to like this girl Bart that even she said it she's like 23 and she goes

this fucking year flu-b I said you have no idea what's coming you have no idea what's coming then I sprayed her with mace what made no sense does it have to I live in America and yeah so it's kind of creepy but what are you going to do about it

What are you going to do? I get good genes. My grandfather, Rocco, lived till he was 93, full head of hair, real teeth when he died. Also smoked Paul Mall since he was in shorts, so I don't want to fucking hear about it. My Grammy, his wife went to 80, what a Grammy do, 84, I think. And my grandfather was 25 years old or 23 years older to my grandmother. That's a real guinea for you. And then my mother's mother, 93.

all as I remember about her, though, is going to visit her in the hospital, and she's going, take me now, why won't he take me? Is that what I get looked forward to? I'm really hoping, we all hope we're going on sleep, but that's kind of creepy, too. I'll be watching the ID network, watching something about a murder, shut off,

go to bed that I'm dead to? Will they do any stories on me? Oh, no. Everybody wants to go in this sleep, but that's kind of creepy too. I really think, again, getting hit by a bus or, you know, without knowing it, and make sure the bus is going fast enough

where you don't feel. Same thing with a nuclear bomb. You don't want to be, with a nuclear bomb, you either want to be right next to it or way the fuck away, but in between, you're done. You'll feel it, you'll earn it,

you'll smoke it, you'll breathe it. Ask the Japs. That's the couple that lives next to us. It's not the japs. Japanese people. Kevin and Eileen Jepp. How you doing? Good to say you. Oh my God. What in God's

name? I really got nothing, folks. Sox Mariners last night. Marronin is apparently still in it somehow. Sox are down 8.5 in either the 7th or the 8th inning. And what do they do? They do what they've been doing all year. By the way, they have the most

run scored in the ninth inning. in all of baseball. And they have the most comeback wins, which is, for this clown car is just, it's fucking hilarious

to me. The shit we were saying about them for the first three months, like, oh my God, what an embarrassment. And this guy, Mickey Casper,

he looks like a plumber. Or, what's the game with Mario in it, Mario Brothers, he looks like one of the, he's got the fucking mustache. He's stalky.

He's a AAA player. They've been bouncing him up down very little bit but this year a lot anyways roman anthony gets healthy trevor story gets healthy so they have to tell him this guy mickey gasper who has hit now he hit one last night excuse me has now hit six homers in his last 12 or 13 games with with 13 rbis and and and he's hitting like four so it's insane they had to tell him he's going down to the minus again but contrary couldn't play last night so he didn't even get to go back to whist of this guy they kept them up what's he do first at bat hits another home run in right field at fenway that's a poke that's a

fucking poke anyways i'm just saying and then he makes two plays Travis story made two bad throws from shortstop to first base and this guy dug him out of the dirt like he's been a fucking first baseman his whole life and i think he's a catcher he's the Boston's falling in love with this guy. It's like seeing a guy from Dunkin' Donuts get pulled up from behind a counter and Phil Lennon and he's just, he's perfect. Anyways.

And the thing about last night, we got Roman Anthony back and Trevor Story. They both had two hits against the Yankees in that blowout. Last night they both had, what's his name? Roman Anthony starts off the game with another double rips down the line. I mean, he's just, he's that fucking good.

and Trevor ends the game. Anyways, they tied it. They were down. They tied extra innings. Trevor's story gets a walk-off, you know, the bases were loaded and gets a walk-off hit. So those two, and Roman Anthony was on base, by the way. One of the three guys.

He might have been the winning run. I don't know. But anyways, let's talk about girls tennis. I tell you what I do like, though. You ever watch a woman softball, college softball? you want to see some nice asses? I'm not talking about the catchers.

They look like Tharman Munson and Pudge Fisk. But they, this baseball pants. Usually the pitchers. The pitches are kind of tall and slender, but they get that nectarine ass. Do I sound like Ted Bundy? I think I do. I got the teeth to match. Try my moonshine.

What the fuck else? that's it I guess can't wait to get to the goddamn dent it's not a dentist I don't know what he is dental surgeon pandarvis

he listens to bluegrass and he sings while he's working on I told him and he's like a good looking guy kind of younger you know maybe late 30s it's fucking funny and he's like

he's like you know he's not an orthodontist but he's dental surgeon of the year or whatever the fuck so we'll see what happens there you gotta get the fucking post put it

they screw that into your jaw so I'm gonna I'm guessing I'm gonna be in a little bit of pain this weekend and after that's done I think you have to wait another three months before they can put what they call an abutment on which just is another thing

that connects the fucking thing he's putting in to the actual crown I swear to God that one guy could do it all but they want to spread the fucking fun. I'm looking a little heavy today. I'm going to lay off the fucking...

I go, Andy, get that fucking zero-calorie ice cream that was actually pretty good? I don't know what it's called Halo or something. She comes home with this... It's exact same size. It looks like the same. It's actually... She comes home with gelato instead by accident,

which is $2.90 a serving. And there's three servings in it. And I didn't even pretend I didn't even pretend I was going to eat half of it. I fucking inhaled it like I was just rescued off a fucking island with no food for a year. Oh my God, mint chocolate chip. I literally came in my pants, said one of the Kardashians. I literally blew up her phone today.

I heard a black girl say that on a cop show. About her cheating boyfriend. I literally blew up his phone. Did you, Tanisha? Did you? Let me go blow yourself up, you fucking. Oh, one little story to tell you and you. I come out last to leave here yesterday.

I come out, I'm parked right in the front here. My front is facing the building right here. Of course, this is your jalopy behind me. A white kind of a shitbox, Toyota, whatever the fuck. I can't tell if there's people in it because the windshields are reflecting trees and shit, right? then I see somebody's hand hanging out and so I go oh there is somebody in it so I get in the car and

it was a black arm by the way just because God wants me to fucking I don't know die in a fucking useless argument I get in the fucking car I didn't you know I could have been I could as I was getting in could I could have went down one of these but I'm being a fucking I'm trying to be an adult

about it surely they see me getting in the car and they'll move no I give him I gave him a good minute and a half which for me might as well be an hour So after about a minute and a half, I got out and I walk over. And there's four black people in the car. And the dude on the driver's side is half in the car, half off. The doors open, his legs are up.

I go, can I get out with that kind of fucking shitty town? Yeah, yeah. That's all he can muster is a year. You can feel the fucking hate. And let me tell you something black, I hate you. You can't hate me more than I fucking hate you. Not all of them. There's like six good ones.

I just, you're just looking for confrontation or fucking attention. I don't know what the fuck it is. Couldn't just back out. So then he backs out. Listen to this. Then I turn into the asshole. He backs out, but he doesn't really back all the way out. Right?

Again, I can just feel the fucking, so I have to cut the wheel a little bit. All of a sudden I hear, I go, what the fuck? And I mean, I was only backing out at like two miles an hour, and I hear crunch. And I go, oh, please don't be a fucking, I look over. And to my relief, it's a car that is caved in on the side. From the front fucking fender to the passenger side door is just caved in. This tape around the, I think there was plastic in the window. And I opened my door and there's a black woman.

Of course, a young kind of black girl standing at the back of the car. I couldn't even see her. I could just see her from here. I go, everybody are right, hoping she'd laugh. Of course, you know. I go, oh, fuck. I go, is there any, she goes, just go ahead. God bless her.

God bless her. I thought she was going to shake me down. Of course, I go downtown for a drink, and I get out and look at my, my quarter panel in the back, had just popped out a little where I could push her back in. almost like a Lego set. But of course, there's white paint, you know, I could probably wipe it off, get it off. But I'm just saying, all because that guy couldn't be an adult and back the fuck. But I got to tell you, I'm getting old with a backing up into shit.

That's three now. I hit Zook's car, my late great buddy Greg Zook. He parked, and the ass end of his car was hanging into my driveway a little bit. Didn't even see it. Came out of the, right? Come out of my house, get right in my car. I can see the three quarters of his car. And I back out like I always do it, about 18 miles and out.

I almost fucking tipped his car over here. So that's one. And then when I did that gig in Palm Beach, and I parked and the fucking attendants come running out, no, you can't park. If you open your door, you're going to clip. I go, I can get out. They were afraid he was going to clip one of the people, you know,

the IP parking lot. They go, park right in front of the, I'm backing up, crotch. That's the worst one. I look in, and what is it, folks? It's a sheriff's, Tom Beach Sheriff's cop car. I don't even have one foot out the door.

I can see the fucking Mexican valets laughing because they hear me go, Motherfucker! I don't even finish the word fucker. Here comes a black, angry cop sheriff woman, whatever. She looked at it. I thought she was going to be professional. She's like, what the fuck?

She fucking... And me and her... She doesn't even make a fucking emotion or anything just whips out the book. Yeah. Yeah, she pretty much did. You're right. And I tried to... But I got to go on...

She goes, I don't give a shit. And she was right. I don't blame her at all. But that's three. And I'm always a brat. Oh, I'm sorry. That's four. And I can't use old age for the...

In my book... That first date with my girlfriend. That's understandable. Have my license not even a month. And backed into a guy because I'm sitting next to a girl I've been trying to fuck for 11 years and I'm only 12. Anyways, enough of that. Let's get to this horseshit I don't care about. Welcome to the show, folks.

If you're watching on some other platform and want to watch the full show, I don't know how much more clear we can make this, just click the link in the description right now. All full episodes of my show are always. streaming live at 6 p.m. and free on Rumble. If you want it ad free, join Rumble premium. Today I'm going to be talking about J.D. Vance. This has been around for a couple days. I didn't get to it. Vers the, you know, the Muslim running in Michigan. I just can't believe. I don't know where this country's headed. Anyways, also the Army Secretary, that would be a male guy,

not a guy that takes, you know, might as well be a bitch, though. He's resigning. He's a left-over. from douchebag. Also, we had a nice attack on a guy, a nice shark, a lot of blood. Delicious. And what else? There's a study on breasts. Apparently, men and women agree on what a nice tit is. And I go, yeah, I have to fucking women get more tit than we do today.

And we get a gay chairleader who I hope gets AIDS real soon. How's that? Put that in your pipe and smoke it, you goobler. Tell us, he's Mr. Happy, Mr. Positive. Tell us, because he probably already asked, you know what, with that clip, you're right. It's probably good, stage three, whatever that means. It's not even that, you can cure it now.

It's not even, anyways, just don't suck a dick. That's the moral of the show. J.D., what did you say it about my wife? You get it? I'll say it. Vice President J.D. Vance, how my teeth look broken, Vice President J.D. Vance kicked Michigan's fall campaign into gear Monday at an industrial facility along 19-mile road in Sterling Heights,

making a pitch for Republican candidates and launching an attack on Democratic U.S. Senate nominee, Abdul, I've never met a terrorist. I didn't like Syed. El-S. Said. He's actually, if you listen to him, he's very Americanized. He grew up here. He looks like some of my buddies. I mean, he's in good shape and it doesn't matter. I don't give a fuck. Anyways, the vice president saves some of his harshish words for El Sayyad's comments about his wife, Usher Vance. I actually think the people of Michigan, this is J.D. Vance talking, think it's kind of weird.

When you talk about another guy's wife, Vance said during a speech at universal contracting and urban tree trimming. You ever see the urban tree trimming company? It's black guys with knives. They go right up the tree and they stabbed it. And the things die. Black people, you know, I love you. Just fucking around. Here's what he had to say.

Who? Jay DeVance had to say about, you know, somebody talking about his wife. Never come to this state and disrespect you or disrespect somebody's family. by talking about another person's wife, a person who isn't on the ballot. And yet, Abdul El-Sayat, every time they put a microphone in front of his face, he wants to talk about my wife or my grandfather.

He's hot. But whatever you want to talk about, Abdul, keep my wife's name, the hell out of your mouth because she's way out of your league. I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore. I love that he said something, but I don't like that he had to use fucking Prince of Bel Air jerk off Will Smith, stupid. keep my wife's name out your mouth. Keep your dick out of your brother's mouth.

What? I'm sorry, that was for Omar, Elon Omar. Anyways, I'm going to hire the terming urban tripping guy. Is that like urban outfitters? I went in there once. I couldn't use the fitting room because it was a black girl having a baby. She was like 14. True story that I made up.

El Syed referenced Usher Vance on August 22nd after the vice president criticized him at an Ohio rally, over past comments about Sharia law and invoked his late grandfather, whom he calls Papa. So do we, and this is the quote that Syed put out, so do we think J.D. is taking Usher, his wife, with him back in time to meet Papa or no? What the fuck does that even mean?

He's suggesting that it means, go ahead. Go ahead, though. But he's suggesting that his grandfather's racist and would not allow a brown woman to Mary his son. Exactly right. I guess. I don't give a fuck. Sounds right to me.

I'm too confused right now. The Michigan Republican Party and leaders, a wicked fart from Michigan's Indian-American community. They condemned El Syed's remarks during a news conference on Friday. So people said he might lose and there's a lot, believe it or not,

in the Michigan area, the fucking urban area. You've got a ton of Muslims, obviously. I doubt any of them were afraid. but there's a big Sikh population, you know. I've been looking for them. I've been seeking to do. What?

Ah, fuck it. Every driver in New York, every other cab driver when I moved, I am not shitting it. They were a Sikh. Those Indian guys were the, I don't know what a Sikh is. It's a title. First I thought it was a name. I go, you guys, all named Seek? Oh, you're kidding.

I know. Fucking drop me off and get some fucking deodorant. That was one of my, when I hear one of my first jokes, I moved to New York. Because, and again, it had been done before, but I take it, I make it funny. I go, I get in a cab, this fucking guy stunk so bad. I looked at his license. He was holding his nose in the picture.

That killed for a while. I don't know what else. There was more of the joke. Anyways, hey, folks, November 5th, I'll be at the punchline in Atlanta, Georgia. The next night on the 6th, Rivers Casino in Philly. And then November 7th, Sol Jolz, Pott's Tom. Hey, Sol Jolz, you might be the last performance of the I. do. I don't know. I haven't decided about next year. I don't know. As Bebe King says, the thrill is gone.

Unless I do great numbers and I get a little excited, but you're going to give me a reason to stay out of you. Otherwise, fuck your sister and your mother and your brother. Get your fucking sister's name out my mouth. What? That made no sense. Go to Nick Dip.com to get tickets now before they're sold out and you can buy Ajax there. Nick Dip.com for merchandise. You can get that. The kids in my basement work very hard making those bedpans.

And I got, what is it? Today's Tuesday, I get a feed. We get hats, hoodies, t-shirts, mugs, wear it and piss off the right people. Also, you want to send a personalized video to somebody? I'll say what you're thinking so you don't have to. Book that at shutout. us. Let's move on.

Don't let the door hit in the twat on the way out. Nick, yes. Yes. Oh, I forgot. I wanted to say something to J.D. Vance's wife. Durka, Durka, Durka, Shurpa, Shurpa, a baccala. Never not be funny. Army Secretary Dan Driscoll has submitted his resignation to Donald Trump, a senior U.S. official said yesterday. The resignation remains pending, and it has not been accepted by the White House. Driscoll brought up, listen to this, folks.

two minutes into 10 seconds into the saddle I go oh I see he he used to lick Biden's ass and probably probably dated fucking Admiral Levine Driscoll brought up concerns with administration surrounding army transformation and its readiness in Hegseth's blocking those efforts specifically by firing the generals who were responsible to source in other words Hegsith came in, saw what a faggy mess that Biden turned the military into, and he cleaned fucking house. Some reason this douchebag passed muster. Tensions reportedly intensified as Hegsith removed several senior army leaders, including

Army Chief, Staff General Randy George. He sounds like a big girl. By dickhead. Driscoll addressed George's deputies. departure during an April 16th House Appropriation Subcommittee hearing, recalling he was in North Carolina on vacation with his boyfriend, I mean his wife, his family, and drove directly to the General's home after learning that George had been asked to submit his resignation. He added, and I quote, Driscoll said, the design of our system is that they get to pick the leaders that they want,

and we execute on those orders. Yeah. I'm glad you understand. that. So why are you so shocked, you fucking load-swallowing, fuck face? Let's hear some video or something. Challenge. So am I to understand that you men completed your training on your own? That's the fact, Jack! That's the fact, Jack! I guess that's how it is now. Hegsseth got a little...

Got some real men in there. Funny ones, apparently. Driscoll is expected to leave the Pentagon in the country. coming days with an umbrella and a stiff wind like Mary Poppins that he is with his fucking labia dangling as he flies over the fucking Washington Monument. Is that something? Did I just make that up? Sounds like something. Sounds like something.

But you enjoy yourself. Driscoll, a close ally of Vice President J.D. Vance. I don't believe that for a second. Attended Yale Law School, that I believe, with Vance after. See the difference? they both went to Yale. They both served in the military. He didn't see action, this guy.

He sat at a typewriter or a computer. You see the difference between J.D.? So they can hand in the same resume, basically, but you have to look a little deep to see who the real soldier is and who really loves the country. As Army Secretary Driscoll has worked with Silicon Valley companies to expand the Army's drone capabilities and action. I am honored to serve as the first female four-star officer of the U.S. Public Health Service commissioned corps.

And the first openly transgender four-star officers. You need to shock the fuck up. You know, I understand if we look back 50 years and go, oh my God, what were we going through that? But even now, looking back a fucking couple of years later, it looks totally retarded. Can you imagine being Russian or? Chinese leaders over there and seeing that. I want you to picture a Russian tranny. Now picture him on the 24th floor of a

Hyatt in Moscow with a couple of Putin stooges behind him. Now picture him splattering like a fucking melon. I got to admire that I wish Trump would steal a little some techniques from Putin like killing media people. You wouldn't love to see, oh, I don't know, Lawrence O'Donnell thrown naked from the top of a fucking Howard Johnson's onto the mass pike. Or just have a nice tea time. Nah, that's an original. I know, that's the other one.

That's the other one Putin does. Has somebody meat for, you know, some diplomat, and they serve tea, and then they die a painful fucking death for the next week. All I'm saying is, I don't know what I'm saying. Come see me say it, though. Remember, I need the money. I got to get writing again. I'm fucking slowing down. Did I read all my jokes?

My one line is the jokes that don't. I did. All right, that's that. Let's move on to Good Night Nurse. A man who was savagely attacked by a seven-foot shark in Florida said he was 100%. He would 100% be dead if it wasn't for nearby boaters providing life-saving assistance. After the gruesome mulling. while fishing in shallow water at Sandbar in Key West,

probably the one I was standing on, on August 23rd, Dave Daniel, 43 years old, was viciously bitten by what he believes was a horny cougar from Boyton Beach. No, it believes to be a six or seven foot nurse shark. I don't know how you didn't see that coming. They have the little nurse hat on in the fucking, right? Don't they?

Aren't they pushing a machine with an, anyways, where did I learn? on that. He's having a fundraiser. I wonder how he did. He said, I looked down on the water, and there was so much blood. I thought my wife had followed me there on the rag and action. What?

He said, so much blood in the water. After the bloody malling, Daniel remembered thinking, there's no way you're getting off this beach, bud. I thought that was I guess he'd call yourself bud when you get bit. I don't know, but he thought he was a goner, you know?

No. he's a nice guy sitting on the beach bleeding out I was making peace with myself can imagine this it's pretty fucking scary uh it's your time to go it's your time to go he said but then daniel saw two nearby boaters who happened to be medical staff now that if that's me and there's two bodes nearby you know what they are a rustafarian and a plumber from oakland and i fucking die in my own plasma not this guy he's got fucking duck a well-be. There's a reference for you. Racing over to provide assistance like angels coming out of nowhere. If it weren't for them, he said, I'd be 100% be dead on the beach. Grace to God that they were

medically trained people and nurses and EMTs. Nearby boater and trained nurse, Courtney McMurray told NBC that she had just happened, just happened to be in the right place at the right time when Daniel was mauled by the huge nurse shark. Here she is. Right place, right time. I think that he and I were meant to be there. Obviously, my guardian angels were there and everyone kicked in and helped out. What I do with my list of fucking, oh, I gave it to you.

What story are we on? I know, but what number out of the six or seven? Three? Oh, good. I had no idea if it was three or six. Anyways, the boaters, that good, good, thank, nice going lady. The boaters provided life-saving support while waiting for the U.S. Coast Guide to arrive. I'll never put on a live-sivir again.

Thursday, I bumped into my buddy, Harry Robinson from Cleveland, who boas been made. Bumped into them, flipped up to the day down, he'd been bitten in half from the waist down. I'll never put on a life center again. Anyways, waiting for a big PBJ to my... PBJ. I think that's what he said. He was waiting for a giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich to show him.

A PB something. It's a fucking Coast Guard helicopter. Who eventually airlifted Daniel to a Miami hospital where he successfully underwent two surgeries, one to fix his leg and he breast implants. That way he'll be saved again next time by a kid named Kevin and a Speedo. What?

That doesn't make sign. No. Anyhow, anyway, let's move on to unpopped ears led to fears. What? A flight to Chicago turned a California's mother's life upside down when a simple unpopped ear after landing triggered months of medical tests, unanswered questions, and finally, a cancer diagnosis. I did this stir for a couple reasons, because when I fly, my ears are just, they fill up. I do this, I hold my nose. I don't know if that's, I guess they tell you to do it,

but I hold my nose and, you know, make them pop, and that gives you a light head. It sounds like I'm doing a whip it. It's kind of a nice buzz. But then I, when I get off, I can't fucking hear. When I do Crowder, and when I go anywhere, and whoever's picking me up in the fucking, you know, the car service, trying to talk to me from the front seat,

I just go, sometimes about 10 right from the beginning. Can I get your bag for you? I go, but they can't get you. Yeah, I can't fucking hear chat until that night. Like, it's crazy. Anyway, so she was nervous and goes to doctor because one of them didn't pop and ends up with a fucking cancer diagnosis. Last year, 80 Burke and she's 22 of Hemet was on her way to Illinois when she realized her ears refused to pop.

It's like popcorn sometimes. You just don't. You just don't know. That's how fucking impatient I am. I can't even do microwave popcorn because the last 10 seconds is waiting for those three kernels to pop because they're important. By the time she returned home, that was like a fucking open mic bit, her physical condition deteriorated rapidly. She looked in the mirror and she saw Aunt Jemima. I started bleeding into my throat, which would only come out of my nose.

Listen to this. If I was bent at the hip about 90 degrees, that's like what my father used to hit me. No. She saw many doctors who couldn't figure it out. Why? Because they're all hacks. Then a doctor finally figured it out.

And that doctor was wearing a fucking grass skirt from Kenya. The cause of the bleeding, a mass was blocking her eustachian tube. Have you had the eustachian tube? It's filled with peanuts. and rat hair. She was immediately referred to a E.N.T. What's that?

That's an ear, nose, and titty doctor. The diagnosis also revealed that her adenoids were severely inflamed and needed to be removed. And like an idiot, she takes out a pair of pliers in a garage. No. CT scan soon revealed extensive tumor involvement across multiple regions, New England, the South, and West Coast. affecting the cervical limp nodes near the base of her skull. That's the other reason I did this. I've been telling you guys, I have pressure back here constantly.

I know I was diagnosed with a little arthritis, but this feels like when you have swollen glands, at my head at a certain angle, it right there, almost feels like a cramp. But the pressure, if somebody asked me to describe it, I go, it's at my brainstem right at the base. In February, her worst nightmare came true, and she was diagnosed with, oh, no, nasopharyngeal. Nesopharyngeal.

Oh, an Italian. Karnesoma. A rare type of head and neck cancer. That's what I feel like I got. I'm not saying I do, but that's what it feels like. And it starts in the nasopharynx, the upper part of the throat, located behind the nose and above the back of the mouth, right where you head of your dick touches the whores thing. In the months after the diagnosis, Burkins underwent chemotherapy and radiation therapy,

which has caused the cancer mass to shrink significantly. Everything is shrinking, she said, in responding to the treatments. My doctors have been given me. So they're optimistic that I'll be cancer-free. it's affected her speech and I guess she's part-time she sings

and that's really fucked up our career somebody filmed her at a gig the other night this is I'm going I'm I'm going

I'm going I'm going I'm going I'm going this is how I'd be polite if I was interviewed you hear shut the fuck

you're retired You understand you sound like an Irish said it, just got hit by a milk truck, you stupid cunt. Are you listening to me? Actually, it's not her fault. We live in a world. That wasn't a joke, by the way. That was a show in the UK, wherever, Australia.

Who gives a fuck? Where they literally had a trans deaf person, thinking they were breaking all kinds of fucking glass ceilings. The only thing they broke with fucking windows in the place and two German shepherds. its eardrums. Is that not hilarious? They were serious. They thought that was being so

inclusive. That's what it gets you. Poor thing. I'd kill it. Let's move on to tits for tats. A new study reveals asymmetry may matter more than size when it comes to boob appeal. It's true of dicks, too. Can't have a big dick and it looks like the

fucking elephant man's head. While many a plastic surgeon has benefited from the belief that bigger is better, a team of research is from the University of Paso Fundo in Brazil found that the perfect boob is less about size and more about distribution. Let's not overthink it. Okay, perfect tit is one that fits in my mouth. Researchers are asked, they ask 239 medical students to review a series of three images and select their, preferred shape. The Holy Trinity of Kitpicks included different ratios between the upper and the lower portions or poles of the breast.

40 to 60, 50 to 50, and 60 to 40 respectively. A scant 10% of those surveyed prefer the 60-40 ratio, which boasts a more voluminous upper half and thus the beefiest breast. of the lot. Anybody else getting hard during this article? 28.9% of respondents gravitated to have the low-hanging fullness of the 40-60.

You know? Picture a pineapple tree in the wind. Conversely, 61.1% of students preferred the 50-50 ratio, suggesting a partially partiality for equal distribution.

That's because they have equality on their minds, even when it comes to tits, let's be diverse, let's be inclusive. Oh, shut it. I've said this about tits on stage for many years. I don't care. They're small, big, or I said that. And then after you're with a girl with big tits, you never go back. It's like power windows once you have them, you're not going back to roll up windows. In this latest study, research has found that respondents also had preferences about nipple placement. me too I like them right on the side of the neck as nearly six you know where I like them placed on my tongue of those surveyed opted for a centrally located nip how do you work Japs into this regarding the size difference between the ariola and the nipple the largest percentage of research participants this is almost 84% preferred a small ariola and nipple size but this this this I'm not I'm not I'm not

Not with the fucking people on that one. I like a, I like, I want to see a fucking sombrero size nipple. What I'm saying? I don't know what that meant. That could have either been porn music or music from laughing in the 70s. When the go-go dancers would get fucking, uh, anyways, let me tell you something, ladies, don't even worry about it. I need a face and ass and a nice slice of pie.

If they're there, don't get me wrong. It's a fucking, you know, you can have a blast. Use them as speedbags. The team notes that responses were largely the same across genders, suggesting something of a unified take on breast aesthetics. Okay, ladies, so you're welcome. You're making fun of us for years ago, and all you guys like is big tits.

Apparently, you do too. A balanced tit, whatever. These results also echo larger trends in plastic surgery as patients increasingly seek a more understated, decidedly less inflated look, exhibited by the uptick and request for what they call sweater boobs. Okay. I guess if you're not wearing a bra under, I see, I kind of see. Now women are only going up one cup size. I wonder if it's like, you know, it's like buying jewelry or a car.

If you want a luxury, if you want the fucking Uge escalates. going to cost more. Whereas in the 2010s, they were going up three and four sizes. I don't like that either. There's some broads that, it's so funny, you know. I mean, it's like, they're just too fake looking. And there are some that are really well done.

I don't understand the broads that get the, don't get me wrong. I'm still going to bite them and shit. Drip wax on them and take a pair of fucking, you know what, pliers to them. burn them with a lighter and then put them in my basement with the other girls. Dallas isn't laughing at any of this shit because he doesn't want,

he doesn't want a 19 clips from this show that he's going to have to edit. I know. I haven't said anything for a fucking butt. Still, the preference for petite teats may also serve as a safety measure. How so? You're not going to chip my teeth.

A.N.N. University revealed that women with larger breasts were more, listen to this. more likely to face verbal and indirect discretion from other women. It's why, ladies, it's just why. Nobody hates women more than women. And who says that? Women say that.

I love watching. I love watching other women watch. You'll be at a bar and there'll be some women and a hot, smoke, woman, and just watch them, especially when they're about the same age. And the vitriol and the fucking, you know, they're admiring them on one level, but on another level, they're like, got it's fucking shoes, it's so 1990 or some stupid country remark like that. It's really fun to watch, and it's why you'll never win an election. I researches reason that women with large breasts register as a threat to other women. And now for Nick's video of the day.

Yeah, yeah. In our vaudeville segment tonight, um, the fucking Detroit lines apparently a debut. It's no biggie because they had, they've had male cheerleaders. And this one looks from, I don't know why this was in the paper yesterday.

I still think this is the one we cut. Either way, I've never seen anything. I don't know why this one bugs me. This cheerleading dance is never, for a guy. Even a gay guy at Tranny.

It's the fucking most feminist faggy thing ever. Check it out. Eagles, actually. I mean, what did I say?

I said the what? The lion? Yeah, you're right. He couldn't be happier. Fly, eagle fly. Oh, my. Your son looks like a fag to me. You think?

Look, he's waiting for a giant cock to fucking split him open like a ripe honeydew. Ugh. Oh my God. Let me ask you something, Dallas. You got a son. Say Dimitri gets that at age and you see that.

What are you going to do? We're moving. You're not even going to say anything. He's going to pick up. Oh, my God. That's even funny. Comes home, the fucking locks a chain. Can I just say, let me just say what I feel.

I'll never, and I mean never get used to seeing this, just as I'll never get used to seeing. to watch two guys blow each other on a swing set in the park or fisting each other on a ferris wheel or tonguing each other's assholes at a Starbucks bathroom or spraying each other with age-ridden jizz while waiting in line at the post office or jacking each other off in the bleachers at a little league game or pissing in each other's mouths at a self-serve gas station. Why did I mention those? I seen all those last week on a Tuesday. Before noon. time here in Savannah. That's why I'm moving.

That's it for today, boys and girls, sir. Was Nick's video of the day? And a show of the day. That is it. Again, thanks for tuning in. If you want to, you know, roast somebody, a friend or a relative, go to camio.com.

You won't roast them. I mean, maybe you will, and I'll come and film it. You pay me to go to your house. No, go to camo.com, click on the thing. I'll make a little video Busting Chops. People really enjoy it, you know.

That's it. You guys think it, I'll say you're most very welcome. Y'all fat fuck, look at you. We'll see you guys tomorrow at the same time. Have a good day. Hi. Good night, everybody.