The Nick DiPaolo Show - The Don's Bond | Nick Di Paolo Show #1547

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Don's bond, Dems dropping minorities and much more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Kiss my ass Close enough. Hi, folks. How are you? Welcome to the show. Great to be with you. How was that for a phony TV intro? Don't you love that?

Oh, good to see you. Glad you joined. Thanks for inviting us into your living room. Shut the fuck up. Nobody invited me. I barged in. Your kid turned on the TV. You stumbled by in a fucking vodka coma and said, who's this greasy fuck?

All righty. What is it, Tuesday? Filthy Tuesday. What happened last night? Anything? What did I do? Nothing much. LSU, I guess.

People follow college basketball. Girls. Only because, yeah, exactly. basketball girls only because yeah exactly only because this white chick caitlin clark is the larry bird of the fucking buried lsu last night who are the defending champs i believe some lesbian told me in the parking lot when i was beating her face in what excuse me what's with all the cars out there dallas what the what is going on so there's a repair shop that's on the other side of the fence over here. And I think that since Biden's open border policy, they have infiltrated Garden City and they found their local repair shop. Well, that's my take, too.

My initial take. And it was this, I don't know. Or chop shop, whatever you want to call it. Subtle hints. Well, 11 guys with sombreros and monkey wrenches. You know, shit like that. But all of a sudden, we're in a little office, folks.

It's one building, brick building, with a few offices in it. And there's never more than five cars in a parking lot. We have the black barbershop. Nobody knows what goes on there. Every night we see chalk outlines and shit.

But we just, you know. I liked it today because they were standing on the sidewalk. I came in. I had my gun. I was carrying it with my iPad. It was two black guys and a white dude kind of going. But yeah, all of a sudden there's a shitload of cars. Oh, Gutfeld is sending me an email right now. I sent him a joke. Maybe he liked it.

I don't know. I'll look at that in a second. I'm busy, folks. It looks like I don't do anything. Now it's on my phone, and it just says, ha! What is he laughing at? Why didn't I send him? Oh, so this one's going to get on tonight. It was a headline,

HHS, Health Human Services, says hospitals must get prior consent for invasive exams, especially if the patient goes under anesthesia. And I put, and especially if the doctor is this guy, picture of P. Diddy. Bang. I'm done. I don't have to send anymore. Because they have 14 guys working on these things. And if you watch, I don't know why I'm explaining his show to you, but it used to be just on Fridays they would do headline jokes from the news. The whole monologue would be that. But then they broke it down now to like the first five minutes during the week is headline jokes, then he does the actual written out monologue, which I punch

up. Anyways, it's a good show. You guys should watch it. What was I talking about Dallas Mexicans and trucks? Alright, fuck them. Let's get on with the goddamn show. What the fuck is wrong with me? I gotta go to a sleep doctor. I know that. I'm going to be just like my dad. I'm getting punchy. Anyhow, I was only kidding. Let's get on with it.

Oh, real quick. This is just off the, I go, you know, I look at the different sites to find stories for the show. And I, yesterday I stumbled know, I look at the different sites to find stories for the show. And I, yesterday I stumbled across, I always check the Blaze. And there's a picture of me, like the third story down. And I read it wrong. I said, I read, I was like, comedian Paolo. I was, I'm blind. Anyways, they did a little thing on me.

And I like, I like the guy who writes, Christian Toto is a great guy, but I did not care for, he goes, he threw in his own little opinion, like my jokes, he goes, like a la Don Rickles and Joan Rivers, no, no. I'm not an insult comic. Even my fans don't get it. You know what I mean? Anyways. But he took the time to talk to me, didn't he? Goddamn right. That's because I hounded him for two years. At least they put the space between the I and the P. I know they did. Matter of fact, they put it on a whole different sentence.

We will not fuck this up. They're like, listen, we fucked his name up. I never heard the end of it. Now Tommy's sending me an offer for Skankfest. It's actually a great comedy festival that people have been doing. Robert Kelly and Joe List and, you know, Lewis Gomez and Big Jay Oakerson.

They've been doing it for years. And it gets a huge, they make a killing in like one weekend. Um, and they've been asking me for years and I just, you know, me folks, if I don't have to get on a plane, if it's not necessary, again, years ago, I would have jumped at it, but I got ambushed by them yesterday. Joe List calls my phone. I pick it up. I had an idea. And they were all doing their podcast live. And Joe said, I told these guys I could talk you into a skank fest. I try to talk my way out of it. They bury me. And then I tell Tommy. Tommy goes, what's the price? I go,

I didn't talk money. You have Jew fuck? It's your job. I didn't say it like that out loud. All right, enough. So there's me. If anybody wants to kiss my beautiful Italian ass. It's an 800 number. I'll talk dirty to you on the phone. This is me talking dirty to a girl on the phone. Where the fuck you put my shoes? My belt's gone too, you whore. The Don has his bond. I get myself coming out loud. Former President Donald Trump and his co-defendants, Jesus Christ, I'm excited,

secured a $175 million bond in their New York civil fraud case, according to a court filing. There he is going, I don't know how I do it. He's doing Jesus. Trump, really? We should have put a loaf of bread and some fishes in his hand. Bibles. Trump secured the bond through Knight Specialty Insurance Company. That's who I use for my home in Ottawa.

specialty insurance company. That's who I use for my home and auto. As promised, President Trump has posted Bond, his attorney, my future wife, Alina Habba Habba Habba. Isn't it funny her name is Habba? Habba Habba Habba. Why? I have that here. Say in a statement Monday evening. She's a lawyer. I like to debate her face to pussy I mean face to face he looks forward to vindicating his rights on appeal and overturning this unjust verdict that's terrific that's good news that's good news for the dog it's him last week a panel of judges from New York appellate division granted the former president his adult sons, and two former Trump Organization executives

a 10-day stay of the $464 million judgment in their civil fraud case and permitted them to post a reduced bond of $175 million. Again, this all goes back to that fucking scumbag, hippie, fuck-faced lawyer Engeren who just pulled a number out of his hat that's totally unreasonable. Trump's lawyers had argued that the former president lacked the cash.

You fucking drug cartels don't have that kind of money on here. Also, they know that it's all tied up in investment. That's right. All the other shit. You can't just pull it out of a bank. Yeah. The cat. No, exactly. Like he's got a change purse. Fucking Trump's lawyer had argued that the former president lacked the cast to secure a bond for the full judgment after being rejected by more than 30 bond companies. Once again, you can just smell the anti-Trump flavor to every article you read. What the fuck? This country is so fucking gross right now with your groupthink fucking, I don't know what your problem is. You scared a whitey, rich old man?

Smarter than all you fucks? Without intervention from an appeals court, defense lawyers argue that Trump would suffer irreparable harm by having to sell off his namesake properties before he exhausted his appeal of the fraud ruling. Trump has denied all wrongdoing. I didn't do it. It's a stupid thing. I can't.

And his lawyers have appealed the ruling in the case. It's expected to go in front of Judge Joe on Channel 5 tonight at 6. No. Arguing that the disgorgement amount was unconstitutional, disproportionate, and flawed.

I guess the fuck. The Eighth Amendment has, you know, been glossed over here. You hear that? That was Dershowitz kicking in his tooth. No, you're right, though. That's what it was. Defense lawyers argue that Judge Ingram misapplied the statute of limitations for Trump's conduct

and that the New York General Attorney General, I should say, Letitia, Letitia James, failed to prove Trump's misrepresentations were relevant to the former president's lenders by the way folks I'll just say it one more time he paid everything back nobody complained the banks got all their money back no victims and he's being

charged with a crime let that sink in and you fucking people online after Trump's how fucking dare you there's no evidence and no finding by Supreme Court And you fucking people online after Trump's, how fucking dare you? There's no evidence and no finding by Supreme Court that the relevant lenders and insurers would not have given defendants loans and policies on the same terms in the absence of the supposed misrepresentations, defense lawyers said in a March filing. If their appeal fails, the former president and his co-defendant will be on the hook for the entire $464 million judgments, which this fat bitch will spend in two weeks at fucking In-N-Out Burger.

In rims. That's right. Sneakers. That reminds me of Colin. We were on tough crowd and talking about cultures and shit and keith robinson's black we got into keith keith got it argument with uh colin and then who was on the show joey vegas somebody that was latino pumped in it colin goes shut up your people's idea of culture is uh taping razor blade back on the backs of roosters' legs and let them have a fight. Whatever. Boy, did I butcher that. If Trump does not have the cash to

cover the full judgment, his appeal is unsuccessful. James could enforce the judgment by seizing Trump's fucking assest. I can't even talk today. That's her leaving the courtroom. Douche. Hey, on the second half of the show I will be telling you about

oh guess what the CDC has more scare tactics coming another whatever the fuck gonna break out is that general enough or specific I forget what it was but again it'll be in time for the meningitis which has been

around for years, but they'll put their own Asian flavor on it. It'll come with duck sauce and a fucking thing of pork fry, whatever the fuck. I read a thing yesterday, before I get to that.

Also, what state, I don't even know what state the killer nurse was in. There's a nurse right out of the movies. She might be responsible for up to 25 patients' deaths. In Pennsylvania. And she looks like it.

She's right out of the movie Misery. We'll be talking about that later on. It's exclusively on Mug Club, so join now. You've got to get Mug Club now. Do it. We do that. NickDip.com. Yeah.

do it, we do that. Nickdip.com. Yeah. Hey, boys and girls, head over to Nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicka shirts. Just go to Nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Yeah, I read this virologist who's world famous. He's got everything right since COVID and before.

He predicted COVID. He hasn't missed on anything, according to him and a lot of people. And he says, this was chilling, man. I sent it to everybody who had a vaccine just so they wouldn't missed on anything. According to him and a lot of people. And he says, this was chilling, man. I sent it to everybody who had a vaccine just so they wouldn't sleep last night. He says the shit's going to hit the fan in a couple of years with people dropping dead everywhere. I hope he's wrong. Trust me.

I'm not one of these lefties who wants to be right at the expense of people dying. But if I read that and I had the vaccination, I would be shitting my pants. He's like, I'm 200% sure this is going to go down the way it does. And he lays it out. And again, it's speculation, but this guy's track record is almost impeccable with this shit. So sleep tight.

Whoever had it. Then we'll be getting hunted for our pure blood. Us non-vaccine. Well, at least we'll outrun hunted for our pure blood. Us non-vaccine. Well, at least we'll outrun them. They'll just die in the process. Well, that's actually a good, yeah, you can't run with a chest full of fucking phlegm.

Duck sauce. You can't do it. What? Oh, in that article, he compares my shoulder like sterns. And I said, yeah. I go, I don't know how compares my show to like Stern's. And I said, yeah. I go, I don't know how I'm getting away with this shit. It was actually a cop.

Because Stern would say shit. People are like, what the fuck? We understood how he was getting away with it because he was making NBC billions. I'm so, my career is so shitty, nobody cares what I say, I guess. Except for the people who are in the know, like you guys. Anyways, let's move on, shall we? It's the coloreds, stupid. Sounds like my wife yelling at me when I tried to do the laundry.

Listen, Democratic strategist. This guy's been around a long time. He's one of the Dems I do like because he's plain spoken. I mean, he's a lib. He's a dumb lib from the South. I don't know how that happened. Not dumb.

He's a smart guy. You know, he was Clinton's fucking... He was to Bill Clinton what Karl Rove was to George W., basically. Democratic strategist James Carver, who married, by the way, a very right-wing woman, Madeline Tustwart, whatever.

They used to be on TV together on Sunday morning shows. I mean, fucking hardcore. She worked for the Republican Party. Look at him. He looks like a human snake. And the fact that he married her makes me like him. You know what I mean? And vice versa, kind of. Because I think he knows it's all a game.

But look at him. You talk about the crazy uncle at the fucking, at the turkey table. Democratic strategist James Carville warned Sunday that the Democrat Party's eroding numbers among young minority voters are horrifying, heading into the presidential erection. I've been very vocal about this. The former Bill Clinton campaign strategist said on his Carvel's Classroom podcast. And look at him. He's a snake with glasses.

Very, very funny. So he says, you know, it's, yeah, here's what he says. You know, I've been very vocal about this. It's horrifying. Our numbers among younger voters. Shut up! It's horrifying our numbers among younger voters, particularly younger blacks, younger Latinos, or whatever younger people are coming, particularly males.

We're not shedding them. They're leaving in the droves. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck. You know that? See, that's why I love him. You could sense his lack of... It's all numbers in a game to him. Whatever, blacks, brown, whatever you want to call them. They're just little widgets to him, which is the way it should

be instead of putting on this fake, oh, they're so oppressed and lugging. Doesn't he look like a mean snake? Last year, 66% of black adults leaned or identified as a Democrat while 19% said

they leaned or were Republican. That's according to a Gallup poll survey released this past February. The 47 percentage point spread is the lowest in at least 25 years and down 19 percentage points from 2020, when 77% of black adults leaned against the Lincoln in a parking lot of a,. No, blacks, adults identified as Democrats and just 11% identified as Republicans. Similarly, the poll found 47% of Hispanics calling themselves Democrats

and 35% identifying as Republican. Whereas in 2021, it was 57% Hispanics identified as Dems and 26 said they were Republican. A USA Today Suffolk University poll released in January showed the 81-year-old president's support among black voters has declined to 63 down from 87 in 2020. And if you believe it, then yeah, that's pretty significant. That's right. And I do believe him, but my point is, after watching Shithead in office

and how he said, you ain't black if you don't vote for me, and the other fucking racist shit that he said that everybody ignores, and the shitty job he's done as president, it should be fucking 11% I want fucking blacks vote Democrat now. They're coming around slowly. They love Trump.

That mugshot's the best thing that ever happened to him. We got to get him a Glock. And, yeah, and something. A fucking shootout at Popeye's. Anyways, the same survey found former President Trump with an edge over Biden with votes.

And again, I don't believe these numbers, folks. I really don't. If Trump is not crushing this guy by 20 points in every poll, I don't believe any of it. There's no fucking way you can do the job this jerk off has done and have a guy who preceded him who was way better and have these little, oh, it's neck and neck. Even with the fucking media in on it, I don't give a fuck. Don't believe any of this shit. They're trying to keep it close

and then they can say they stole it. Anyways, President Trump with an edge over Biden, the voters under 35, 37 to 33, which to me is fucking, and Hispanic voters 39 to 34. Come on. It's way better than that, I think. Don't you?

I don't know. I had a sound drop that I can't find. I quit. Fucking show. We need strong advocacy explaining to these youngsters what exactly they have at stake here, Carmel added. Forget birth control, he says. Forget reproductive rights. Forget environmental protection. Forget it. Then he goes, forget anything.

Well, Biden's taking your advice. Forget anything. Got to love that guy. Oop. Hey, itchy crabs. Shoulder crabs. For those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of this show. And everyone else, you should go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show every day. And the great Steven Crowder's full. I'll be there next week, by the way. Crowder and a whole lot more. And I mean like Alex Jones every Friday, the undercover team, the Hodge twins, Brian Callen, a whole bunch of shit.

And he's working on more. So yeah, do that. And while you're there, click on my tour dates. May 1st and 2nd, that's coming up in a month. Side split is coming. I've taken seven months off, folks. I don't know that I'm going to be on stage before this. I think Tommy's too busy cooking and shit,

fucking grilling steaks and whatever the fuck. He's like, I'll get him these. This will take the edge off. Anyways, May 1st and 2nd, side split is coming up in Tampa. One of my favorite places, but I remember the last time I was there, I go, you know what?

I think I'm done with the clubs. Not because I had a bad time. I was just making a proclamation. Guess who's back? Then May 10th, I get two shows. Wait a minute, in one night? Is that right? I thought I was doing one each night. Fuck. Two shows. I said I was over with that, done with that too. May 10th at Soul Joel's, which is a great place in Pottstown, Pennsylvania. And of course the next night, May 11th,

Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. Again, a 1,500 seat venue. And I was bragging about the numbers, but now it's a month, a month and a half away, whatever the fuck. Let's pick it up out there.

Please, Jersey. Bring everybody. You got retarded kids? I don't give a shit. Grampy in a wheelchair? Don't bring them near me. I don't like all that they hand me down And make out a smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no

I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I see you singing, what are you?

I'm not like everybody else