The Nick DiPaolo Show - The Michigan 16 | Nick Di Paolo Show #1430

Episode Date: July 19, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the Michigan left going after republicans, an alzheimers drug and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

🎵 Me fuck you and your bones, bird! Aye, sure. Hey, folks, welcome to the show. How are you? Nick DiPaolo. Good to be with you on a Wednesday. Stayed at Georgia. A little steamy, little muggy. A little muggy, a little steamy. Feels like. What do they used to call it?

Remember there's a term for it. Why am I bringing up something I can't remember? Yeah. Heat index. Yeah. Heat index. Let's go with that. But that was too complicated for the masses. Feels like. What are you, seven? Feels like my dick's go with that. But that was too complicated for the masses. Feels like, what are you, seven? Feels like my dick's in a vice. That's how hard it is. Yeah, fuck. Anyways, great to be here. Snapped last night for the first time since I've been on this diet. Fucking

lost my shit. Not even that bad, really. I did well. I ate, you know, calamari, which is, you know, the best thing you can fucking eat I'm not talking fried I'm talking in a nice you know a half a cup of tomatoes did great then I fucking lost my shit around 11 o'clock watching people you know being murdered the midwest that show where all the christians are just crazy as people. That's the point of the show. And, you know, those fucking crunchy things you put on stir fries, those fucking ramen noodles. Not ramen noodle, ching-chang noodles.

They only have, like, three ingredients. Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, and they're all bad. Fucking flour, flour, ass, cheese, and hair. No, you're right. And it was only like a third of the can left. But then, I haven't been getting those cravings. I fucking needed crunch and salt.

So I go for the, this is the best snack that I've mentioned on the show. Those fucking croutons that you put on salads. Oh my God. Addicting? So I fucking ate, it was already open so it wasn't completely full. So I fucking ate a It was already open So it wasn't completely full

So I fucking crunched that down Couldn't find out who killed the broad in the show Because I couldn't hear I was chewing on this shit And then I ate another bag Not a new one Another one about half So, you know

But for a low-carb diet And they put that fucking garlic salt. I burped this morning. I thought I had a dead baby under the fucking bed. It was horrendous. But, yeah, so whatever. Just had a cold blue in the bathroom, so I feel good. That's what I call it at my house when I have to.

That's maybe one of my favorite Louis C.K. lines, after the age of like 40, every shit's an emergency. Anyway, yeah, so Red Sox lost to Oakland. Yeah, but they also won the series, and I mean, but they've won like 12 out of 14, and they're in the top, they're leading in offensive categories, like four of them since the All-Star break. I mean, it is the weirdest team I have ever seen in my life.

Anyhow, hit the start button, you dink. Let's get on with the goddamn news. I can't even take it. Real quickly, I didn't have this as one of the stories because the indictments are coming so fast and furious at Trump. I can't keep up with them. Now, last night, the feds are going after 16 Republicans in the Michigan Congress, the state of Michigan,

for apparently falsifying documents, saying that they were electors when they weren't. Don't ask me to explain the electoral college, and you can fucking Google it. But they're saying, you know, try to help Trump win in the last election. They pretended they were electors, and they falsified documents.

Whether it's fucking true or not, the bigger point is they're throwing more shit at Trump. I mentioned, right, my first story's about Trump. They're going after him now for January 6th on top of the Georgia thing, on top of the documents,

the secret, you know know the fucking classified documents I mean what are you shitting so they're throwing as much shit against the wall and you know here's what worries me Dallas I was thinking this too and I've said this for a few years about Trump I worry about his safety because if they're willing to go through all this try to put him in jail not to have him on the ballot let's say he's not in jail and does run you would look with what you know about our government's history you i mean obviously they say we're going to do anything to keep this guy off the ballot because we know he can win so if there was ever a time for them to do something

nefarious, right? I mean, you better surround yourself with secret. And I couldn't even trust the guys that work secret. I bet you he's calling private guys, I hope, who live in Mar-a-Lago right around the corner. That's who I'd use. Excuse me. But, you know what I mean? You ever think about it?

Nobody brings up his safety because it's so clear they don't want this guy. And real quickly, I'm going to show you back to the Michigan thing and the 16 Republicans under indictment for being fake electors. Charlie Couric put on his Twitter, he's a right-wing guy, you know, turning point U.S. He had a great point about saying, you know, what hypocrites the celebrities in L.A., the Hollywood A-list celebrities, they were saying this about, there he is, Mark Sheen. I fucking want to like him because I like his work, but he's such a, he's lived to the 10th power. But you guys remember this when they were running this about the electors for Trump? Republican members of the Electoral College, this message is for you. As you know, our founding fathers built the Electoral College to safeguard the American people from the dangers of a demigod. Oh, you Googled that, not Martin?

The presidency only goes to someone who is to an eminent degree endowed with the requisite qualifications. An eminent degree. Hey, show me your tits, whore. Someone who is highly qualified for the job. Pause.

You mean like Joe Biden? This came out, whatever it was. Is this the first election or the second, the one he won? I can't even remember. I should know that. But anyways,

how hilarious is this? They're lecturing us about a guy being qualified and, go ahead. This is a while ago because she's way uglier than that now. Go ahead. The Electoral College was created specifically to prevent an unfit

candidate from becoming president. Cromwell. Cromwell! It is Cromwell. You fucking ass. You're a bigger jerk than the characters you play. Who dressed you anyways, Hillary? Look at this. Shaman.

Go ahead. There are 538 members of the Electoral College. And who are you? Just 36 other conscientious Republican electors can make a difference. By voting your conscience on December 19th. Make me a sandwich, pig. And thereby shaping. Pause.

That's Bob Odenkirk, who loves my comedy. I'm one of his favorite comedians. He said it on a fucking podcast. So what's he doing in this? I think, like I said to Dallas, I think he just wanted to be considered. It's good to be seen as an A-list in playing the game. Anyways, anybody who likes my comedy, I like. So, I'm ashamed of you.

Again, this is years ago, but go ahead. And who the fuck is that? Oh, suck a dick. Hi, Moby. Pause. Oh, there he dick. I'm not asking you to vote for Hillary Clinton. Hi, Moby. As you know, the Constitution... Pause! Oh, there he is. The pompous ass. He replaced BJ on Magic.

Hawkeye and Pierce? No, he was Pierce. What am I saying? Dallas, you watched MASH, didn't you? No. Anyways, he's... Anyways. Anyways, you get the point.

These people are all trying to tell these guys to defect, you know? And Charlie Kirk said, well, then they should be up for sedition. If you're going to charge these Republicans for the same thing, these guys were encouraging it. Anyways, enough. You guys get it. I'm just saying this is amazing what's going on as far as Trump goes. Really fucking insane. I said to Dallas before the show, isn't this where a revolution kicks off at this point?

I mean, are we at a precipice now? The guy, and they're doing this, the better Trump does in the numbers in the polls, the more shit they're bringing against him. And I can't believe, like, January 6th people, I guess they're still in jail a lot, right? Is that true? So we can't have them for the next.

I'm not encouraging anything. I'm just saying. I'm saying guys like that, they're not going to sit still for this. I'm not condoning. I'm not encouraging anything. I'm just saying. What I'm saying is if Jesus was going to come back,

wouldn't this be a good time? I don't know. And again, I worry about Trump's safety, man. I guess he had a live town hall with Hannity last. I couldn't watch it. I was watching a very boring baseball game. Get shut out by the, how are the A's so bad? They had two pitches two nights in a row throwing 100 and 101. Socks smack one of them around pretty good. Anyway, sorry folks. I digress. I had too much, you know, Sanka.

Dallas is so fucking young he doesn't even know what that is. Son of a bitch. Hey, in the second half of the show I'm going to be talking about, where do you hear what ex-president, former president Obama, who he's defending and what issue when it comes to your children at school. It'll surprise you even for that idiot.

Also, I'm going to talk about the cops in Long Island that have been working on the serial killer case for 11, 12 years. And a couple of them back then have blood on their hands as far as I'm concerned because what they didn't do. Anyways, that's exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdapaloshow.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nika shirts.

Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Excuse me. I made it sound like a... All right. Let's roll on, shall we? Trump witch hunt continued by Jack the Ripper Smith.

Did I just make his name? Is that his name, Jack Smith? Yeah. A lot of imagination, parents. Former President Donald Trump said in a social media post yesterday, he's been informed by Special Counsel Jack Smith that he is a target of the criminal investigation now, not the civil, criminal investigation, into efforts to overturn the 2020 election, a sign he may soon be charged by the special counsel. Now I'm going to quote Mr. Trump saying,

Deranged Jack Smith, the prosecutor with Joe Biden's DOJ, sent a letter. Again, it was Sunday night stating that I am a target of the January 6th grand jury investigation and giving me a very short four days to report to the grand jury, which almost means an arrest and indictment. Trump posted on Truth Social. You've got to be dog-styling me. GOP House Conference Chair Elise Stefanik, seen with a nice bust, Republican New York reacted to the news by calling the potential indictment unprecedented and a corrupt witch hunt. Well, thank you, Detective.

Joe Biden's Department of Justice, she said, continues to target his leading political opponents for the White House. If President Trump is going to be indicted for his speeches before January 6th, then when is Senator At-Bernie, At-Bernie Senos, goddammit, when's he going to be indicted for his speeches that led to the attempted murder of Steve

Scalise and other Republicans? Great question by Republican Byron Donalds, Florida. Black dude, by the way. He asked that question on Twitter, and it's true. So why does Bernie get a free pass? Get this through your head. Get this through your head. Get this through your head you Jew motherfucker you.

Don't call me that. Let me tell you something about the Jews. I own four houses. I hate capitalism but damn it it's been good to me. Anyways yeah so it's unbelievable the double standard that's been playing out. Now my future girlfriend again again, I'm 61.

I act like I'm 31. Marjorie Taylor Greene, who I say if she wasn't a politician, would probably be the defensive end of the Steelers. She's got a lot of spunk in her, and she don't play gay. I love her. She's South Carolina, red, white and blue through and through. Here's what she had to say on video about this latest charade against Trump. President Trump says he received a letter from Jack Smith saying he's a target of a grand jury investigation on January 6th.

Do you have a reaction to that? Yeah, it's absolute bullshit. Yeah, that's my reaction. Yeah, it's absolute bullshit. Yeah, that's my reaction. This is the only way that the Democrats have to beat President Trump, is to arrest him, smear him, charge him with ridiculous charges, all in a cover-up of Joe Biden's crimes, Hunter Biden's crimes.

It's unbelievable. It's hard to even recognize that this is our country. It is. That's no exaggeration. I picture her in the WWE wrestling thing. Jumping off the top rope in a leotard and his clothesline is some fucking 80-year-old lesbian. Marjorie, I love you, honey.

Anyways, here is the House Speaker McCarthy weighing in also on this sham. Go ahead, Mr. McCarthy. If you notice recently, President Trump went up in the polls and was actually surpassing President Biden for reelection. So what do they do now? Weaponize government to go after their number one opponent. It's time and time time again i think the american public is tired of this they want to have see equal justice and the idea that they utilize this to go after those that's enough yes sir uh smith's probe into january 6 focuses on trump's efforts to overturn

the 2020 election smith didn't we already have a big charade show trial about this smith already criminally charged trump with crimes related to allegedly classified documents. What he's doing is admitting the other charges are bullshit. We'll keep going. The indictment fueled 2024 fundraising efforts. Trump's campaign leads all 2024 presidential contenders on both sides with 22 and a half mil cash on hand in his back pocket in a wallet the best wallet you could buy i really believe that uh thus far in the election cycle according to the federal election commission so he's our man still i am your voice you're goddamn right you is

said the brother man. Let's move on. Do you know what FBI stands for? I figured this out today, Dallas. Favoring Biden incessantly. Hey, Nick, you're pretty clever. Oh, shit in your hat. Was that sarcasm?

The FBI warned a supervisory agent who investigated Hunter Biden that he was expected to decline to respond to House Oversight Committee questions. They tipped him off about the ongoing case involving the first son, a bombshell letter obtained by the Post shows, okay? Getting tipped off. Are you interested in the real story? By the FBI. FBI General Counsel Jason Jones sent the letter Sunday afternoon, just hours before the agent was set to testify, even though a source tells the Post that the FBI knew of a scheduled

Monday deposition for several days. Boy, we got a douche in house, right? We got to, like somebody said, clean it up, break it down, get rid of it. The department expects that you will decline. Listen to this. This is to them. This is to Hunter. The department expects that you will decline. What's that, an order?

To respond to questions seeking non-public information likely covered by one or more components of executive privilege. In other words, all the shit that we don't. by one or more components of executive privilege. In other words, all the shit that we don't... Or other significant confidentiality interests. In particular, information, you can just say, it was covered by executive, we don't have to put that out there.

In particular, information about deliberations or ongoing investigative activity in law enforcement matters, Jones wrote. That's pretty clear. You should instead, now they're giving him instructions, like he's, you know, a few good men, that retarded redneck that had to take the stand. You should instead refer such questions to the FBI's Office of Congressional Affairs, the FBI lawyer went on. Can you imagine your hunt? You're like, I'm banging hookers,

I'm snorting coke on camera and shit, taking money from the Chinese, and I'm covered, man. Consistent with longstanding practice, this will afford the department the full opportunity to consider particular questions and possible accommodations that may fulfill the committee's legitimate need for information while protecting executive branch. Let me just translate that for you. This way we can bullshit our way through this and they'll never see what they really want to see. Just say this, Hunter. Excuse me. Unbelievable, man.

Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are? Kevin McGillicud. Who the fuck do you think you are? Lucille Paul. The FBI agent proceeded to confirm key details of the probe that were previously shared by two IRS agents, including that Hunter's legal team was tipped off about a planned approach to interview him in December 2020 about his failure to pay millions in taxes on foreign income, spoiling the opportunity.

He gets tipped off. You get tipped off and the IRS is coming to your house. Jones referred, if Henry Block doesn't call you, send you a text. Jones referred to the Hunter Biden case as ongoing in his letter, using similar wording, of course, to Delaware U.S. Attorney David Weiss, which congressional Republicans fear is intended to Delaware U.S. Attorney David Weiss which congressional Republicans fear is intended to hinder in other words they go how many times have you heard the new they're interviewing somebody covering uh it's ongoing we can't talk about it's Ray's favorite line the head of the FBI uh anyways that's to intended to hinder the demands for records and testimony in other words

like well just string the jerk why are you Republicans always on the defense? Why are you always being played like a fucking violin? You're all lawyers. Where'd you go? DeVry? You suck at what you do. Get out. Hunter Biden's legal team say that they believe their client's legal exposure is over after he reached a probation-only plea deal last month.

Two misdemeanor tax fraud charges and a gun possession felony that will be expunged following his probation. For what? Good behavior? Guy's got an eight ball up his nose and his fucking other nose and a girl's ass every night.

He's having a ball. Anyways, according to information provided to you by the committee, the committee is seeking information about an individual ongoing criminal investigation and prosecution, Jones wrote. Jones added, department officials, including those who have left the department, are obligated to protect non-public information they learned in the course of their work. Such information could be subject to various privileges, including law enforcement,

deliberative process, attorney work product, and attorney client privileges, and privacy interests. Current informant department officials also must protect classified information, sources and methods, and grand jury information protected by federal rule of criminal. In other words, it's all written the fucking cover there. Anyways, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to nickdapaloshow.com and join to get my full show and Steven Crowder's full show

and a whole lot more. And you can go to my website and see where I'm going to be. Hopefully, it's your sister's house tonight at 8. What? to be hopefully at your sister's house tonight at eight what guitar solo Outro Music