The Nick DiPaolo Show - The Tragedy of Kyle Busch | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1900

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

In today's episode Nick talks about Johnny Not So Football, A Baseball Bus Burned, Sepsis Hits NASCAR, A War On Mosquitoes, A Good Samaritan and Death By Frog! The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow GET TOUR DATES & TICKETS - https://www.nickdip.com/tour NOVEMBER 5TH - The Punchline: ATLANTA, GA NOVEMBER 6TH - Rivers Casino: PHILADELPHIA, PA NOVEMBER 7TH - Soul Joel's: POTTSTOWN, PA MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

I told you I'm already. I suggest again, and I've done this many times on the show. Jesus Christ. Really? Not. Haven't smoked in months. Don't smoke anymore. Even told the doctor.

He gets all excited. I go, calm down, faggot. I'm going to go back to him. He didn't like the word faggot. Anyhow, what was I just going to say? That movie, held the Skelter. Please, for you young folks out there. It was a made-for-TV movie on CBS, I believe.

I just said movie because of my fake teeth. Oh, boy. It's a long. life. Yeah, Helter Skelter. It's the best portrayal of Charlie Mait. Nobody's touched it since.

They've made about 15 remakes. Nothing can touch. I think it was Steve Railsback as Charlie Mell. It scared the shit out of me watching it as a kid, a teenager.

And the girls, his family was so creepy and they were so fucking good. Watch it. He does a monologue. I think I did it on the show once, way before. you started working here.

And it went so well, I did it once. Now, I did it in an actor class in New York, and it was hilarious because I was trying to sound like Charlie Manson. And the last thing, when you're a new actor, you don't know this. The teachers don't tell you, and they'll tell you, okay, do a portrayal. I'm doing a scene from a, but they'll, once you're an actor, they'll go, we don't want an impression. We want you to be Charlie Manson, but be youth.

same emotions and shit unless you're doing a performance for a movie and then you learn the accent, you're professional acting you learn how to walk like them and talk but in an acting class they go no we want so I was like she halfway through it she goes Nick stop your hyperventilating

because Manson gets all excited on the stand the classed out of the laugh and I'm like fuck you, okay you! Joanna Bexon by the way the late great Joe my acting teacher who I've loved I just looked her up

like, I don't know, 10 months ago, and I see her obituary and I almost fainted. She wasn't that old. Nice lady. Anyhow, what the fuck out? I tried working on my book this week. I hope you had a great weekend, by the way,

with your friends and family and cookouts. I never left the couch. I got to be on a beautiful day out. I don't give a fuck. I'm 64. I've done a million beautiful days. I've stayed in. I've been out.

I've been to the beach. I've done it all. Okay. There's a Three Stooges Marathon on. Joke. Well, it might as well be a three, it was the Red Sox. More fun, funnier than a Three Stooges Marathon. What, with that team, oh my God, what's going on is,

now I'm tuning in for just the opposite reason. You know, when you see a train wreck or whatever, you can't look away, I can't look away. I cannot. And the talent, I'll still say it. The talent is there. The pitching is in the, the tops in the major leagues, both starting rotation, bullpen, defense is in the top. One and two.

What am I hearing squeaking? Hello? Hello? I'm like my mother on the phone. Do you hear people? Yeah, ma. It's me. Bullpen is tops. The defense is insane. Insane. They throw people out every night from the outfield and insane. The only part, And we thought this would be the part you could take for granted was the offense. I mean, what's his name? Roman Anthony hasn't played in almost three weeks now. So they lied about his wrist. Oh, he'll be better, you know, fucking now they have to lie and shit. It's unbelievable.

And this poor guy, this third baseman we got from Milwaukee, great defensively. He's literally hitting like 168. And it's not that he's not hitting the ball. He hit right at people, you know? Oh my God, it's so fucking frustrating. But Jaron, who's been good the last couple days, I can't wait. I would trade him because he strikes out way too much.

When you're a speedster and you're at the top of the lineup, your lead off hit it, you're supposed to make contact. It's like the most important, especially with his legs. If he gets on first, it's a double. He hits a single and might as well be a double. He never gets caught, you know, stealing. Anyways, he couldn't hit a bull's ass with a, base fiddle. He's hitting about 205. He hits and sometimes it comes through, but he swings and misses

too fucking much. And I, and I want to like him because he runs hard, he plays hard. I just think he's great trade bait. So why you guys care, you probably don't. I'll move on. I'm just saying, they have the worst record in baseball. I'm just saying. I still believe in them. I'm not kidding. There's a ton of talent. Our ace pitchers been out for a month. You know, it all hits it once. I feel bad for the fucking interim manager.

But they get swept at home. They've won Dallas. Get this. They've won one series at Fenway Park that shit. They're one in seven. If you can't win in your home park, you're fucked. But there's two shining lights. Contreras, Wilson Contreras, has been unbelievable.

Both defensively and he's, He's got 12 homers or whatever. He's the only one. 12. I think Schwabers got like 20 already. Honest to God. Anyways, you guys, whatever. Yeah, I was trying to write my book.

I'm bad chronologically when I look back on dates and shit. I've been telling this story, this fucker, I'm starting to hear myself talk like dappy duck. I'm bad looking back on dates and shit. I've been telling the story of my whole life. My first girlfriend turned me down. I remember, that's true, in the high school, I asked her out in the

hallways, like in between classes, ripped my heart out. Had football practice a day. I fucking unloaded on about three people who'd even yell that by my coach. Because of her back then, pussy ruining your life. Think about it. Or as Trump would say, think of it. The likes we've never seen. Some people said the pussy.

So anyhow, yeah, so I've been saying that. And then my story was my buddies ran into her at the Topsfield Fair, you know, county fair like every in the country, oldest one in the country, by the way. Anyhow, he ran into her like weeks after that. And I had just made varsity. Did I tell this on the show? I don't know. I just made varcy.

Okay, but you guys know. So I'm going through the dates this weekend. It's not even close. I look at the movie. I took, remember I told you my first date? I got in a fight and all that shit, Paradise Alley. According to, you know, AI and fucking Google, that came out in 78, the fall of. I'm saying it's 77.

I have no idea. I'm calling my family going, ask my sister. When I was Dayton Linda, was I a junior, sophomore, or whatever to fuck? You know, girls usually better with that. She's like, well, she was a cheerleader with me, so, and I was a year ahead of her, so it had to be, whatever. That means I got to go back now and fucking rearrange. I don't know, do they fucking, are they going to fact check me, a comedian writing a book? They're going to have me on 60 minutes. You phony.

The easier way is just to say in the text, it was 77 or 78, who fucking cares, doesn't matter, moving on. You know, you son of a bitch, I should have called you. That's the fucking answer. That's exactly the answer. But I'm such an honest person. I'm so committed to the truth unless it comes to dating and shit when I was single oh, it's a fucking lying motherfucker

but I just wanted the dates right that is so true brother no it's so funny you just took a load off my chest can imagine being so focused that like people are gonna what am I Truman Capote right in the fucking bestseller Anyhow I finished Dana Prino's book

great read. I'm not just saying that because I'm a marginal friend of hers. It's a fun friggin' read. Three chicks from New York go to a small town. They work for the Democrat convention trying to get a girl elected. They meet guys who are the opposite. There were guys who are Midwestern Republican. And it's a great friggin' read. Everybody dies in a car crash at the end. I didn't see that coming, Dana. No. Yeah, so I finished that. That was good. Made Italian bread. I got to stop that shit.

I'm eating it like it's cotton candy. Fucking get on the scale today, $192.5. That's heavy, actually. That's all I got for the weekend. Do you guys do anything? I hope somebody got drunk and getting a fight or a car accident. Nothing? All right.

Dallas went to the museum of, you know what, flying planes. What is it, the eighth? The Eighth Interfrey? A Mighty Eighth. The Mighty Eighth, which is a famous... Tell them a lot. It was the largest standing ground air force in the history of the world, really, still.

during World War II, lost 26,000. Located out of here, though, right? Out of Georgia? Based on right here, which is why they have the museum just outside of the Savannah. And they lost how many in what? 26,000 during the war.

And what's surprising, it's a civil war. Do you know they had planes back then? I didn't know. 26,000. My wife already went. My wife asked me to go, and I couldn't. It was a Silver Spoons marathon on A&E.

And I said, look, I don't like death and planes and shit like that. And she comes home, meanwhile, I'm watching it. I sent away for the, yeah. Remember those time-life books, World War II? I got all those. I fucking watch those things over and over again. They're interviewing actual World War II veterans, you know? Spanky Magoo.

And he saved my life. I mean, just great shit that we take for granted. And that's what this weekend was about. Taking them for granted. You know. They did what? Who sacrificed what? Hey, this ain't fucking Golden's Mustard.

You know. Welcome to the top of the show, by the way. Jesus Christ, is that even necessary? It's the live lineup. I didn't even turn this on, you know, because we've been off almost 48 hours. Memories, shite. Yeah, you know, it's the live lineup where you get all kinds of free shows. If you want them, ad-free.

I'm doing this from memory. If you want them ad free, you know what you do. You sign up for Rumble Premium. You know, it's worth it. And don't forget to follow my channel and download the Rumble app. Today I'm going to be talking about Johnny Not So. Wait a minute, Johnny Not So Football. Is that what I gave?

What is it? That's just for the read-through. That's the title. Oh, well, give me something that makes a little sense. A baseball bus burn. Dallas was involved in that. He didn't tell us till today. Sepsis hits NASCAR, not just me.

What a tragedy. Kyle Bush, 41 years old. I thought I'd do it because it was a little close to home. War on mosquitoes. And we got a person who died by licking a toad after looking at her or it or him. Not that I'm not that upset, I'm going to be honest with you. Oh, Nick, that's horrible. Shut the fuck up. Anyways.

Let's get right. right on to the show, I guess. Johnny Football, now Johnny Striker. God damn it, I'm talking like Rich Fosh. Jesus Christ. What the fuck? Johnny Football, now Johnny Striker. You remember Johnny Mansell?

Johnny Mansell has a one career MMA win holding an under. Johnny Manzell was a Heisman trophy winner at Texas A&M, a quarterback, who loved to party. And I mean during the season, off season. He said he had booze on his breath in some games. So I don't know why that makes me like people like that. I don't know why. My Uncle Al, I was told, big, strong, scary Italian dude. Hell of a football player, damn his high school.

I was told by some of the guys his age that he would come to practice drunk. Can you imagine high school? Probably because of my grandfather who's a motherfucker. Make anybody drink smack in the head if you looked at him wrong. anyways I don't have he was my uncle was good

enough to somebody offered him I think Tennessee offered him scholarship or whatever and he fucking tore his knee up

like a anyways anyways Johnny Mansell hardcore alcoholic but he won the Heisman quite a few years

ago yeah he's one and oh as far as MMA and it's his he says he made his mixed martial arts

debut this past Saturday defeating podcaster defeating a podcast What's about, Laura Ingram busy? And social media influencer Bob Mennery,

following the match, the 33-0 former NFL quarterback and Heisman trophy winner announced his immediate retirement from combat sports, stating it was won and done. Unlike Dallas in a bar. What? You hurt me! Let's take a look at Johnny in his debut and his final fight, apparently. Oh! Put your hands up!

He's in the orange. He can kick. Johnny's kicking. Holy shit. Crazy Giddy. That's what he is. That's a quarterback. Nuggy him.

Johnny, I love Johnny, I love Johnny Mansell. He went up and they played in the Canadian League and he's a wild man. That's all. Some guys have life and perspective. What are you saying, Nick, thrown away a career's perspective?

I don't know. I don't know. I'm just telling him he had more fun than I've ever had. And that's what happens when you get drafted by the Browns. That's true. You go to the bottle. Do you know how many people have died in rehab

that were drafted by the Browns? You can count a list of... Somehow Bernie Kozhar got away. Matter of fact, they interviewed... This is an interview from Johnny when... I don't know, right after the fight. Excuse me. Have you ever been in Schenectady?

No, I never was in Schenectady. Neither was I. It must have been a couple other guys. I was thinking back. I go, I remember watching him, and he reminded me of Doug Flutie. And again, a few people are way younger than me, and you didn't see Doug Flutie play college football.

Go back and Google that. You want to see some scrambling la Frandarkerton. That's a reference you won't get. But Frank Tarkington out of the University of Georgia. Watch Mansell. He was tough to, he was a great scrambler. Even with a few, you're going to see a Heineken bottle fall out of his pants on you. What?

On second and seven. Watch this one. Manzell, leaps over a guy, still at his feet. What? Manzell. Look at that. Then he blew a 2.0. Do we got another one?

Did I give it? I didn't give him to. Fucking. Anyways. Mental health and rehab. Oh, yeah. Here he is fart in the guy's face. In early 2015, Manzell entered a rehab facility.

He later revealed a bipolar disorder. See, he is crazy diagnosis, noting that he had been self-medicating with alcohol to cope with the dark phases of his depression. Well, somebody should have said, Johnny, alcohol, it's a depressant. You know that, don't you? Anyways. And he's like, yeah, but it's fun, depressant. In late years, Manzell has actively discussed his attempts to maintain sobriety and avoid

the detrimental effects of alcohol, which I think are exaggerated. He has periodically committed to going to complete, completely sober and stepping back from the party lifestyle to focus on his family business. And his family business is what? They opened a liquor store. Yes, and it's booming. Don't get high on your en supply. Hey, folks, I'm going to be doing comedy sometime this century.

I had to move those dates, as you know, from this past month to November, the fifth, the punchline, Atlanta, Georgia, November 6th, Rivers Casino in Philadelphia, and then November 7th, that's three nights in a row. What am I, slave? Sold Joles in Potsdown, Pennsylvania, all great gigs. Go to Nick Dip.com to get your tickets before they're sold out. While you're there, go to the merchandise page. and if you want to support the show, buy something. You got the bedpans, the plastic hips, you got the fucking, now we have the, you know what, the IV pick. I thought that was a good idea. Hats, hoodies, t-shirts. Also, you want to send a personalized video to someone?

I'll say what you're thinking so you don't have to. Book it at shoutout. Us. Not U.S. It says us. I don't know. I think they mean U.S., but I don't. And by the way,

shout out again to Crowder. Did I mention Crowder being in the hospital? This chest thing. Sent him a text. Said good luck when they take that scaffolding out. He's literally got things like holding his chest like he was born in some defect where his chest

could almost collapse. So they, I don't know what they did. I know he's going to have a bitch of a time getting through the TSA lines with a fucking metal in him. Anyhow, hang in there, Crowder. Let's go on to Another sports story, kind of.

You notice there's no politics today? There was so much garbage. It was all pending. The Iran talks. I'm so sick. I'm not going to fucking until somebody gets melted down. I'm not going to keep reporting. Then they said this.

To me, it's embarrassing that we're even negotiating with them. Like, even if they agree to everything we want, do you really believe they're going to follow through on those promises? Do you see what I'm saying? you're negotiating when people who blow people up that's what they do when you don't think like them but yeah they're not going to lie to you or anything I don't know what the solution is but ain't more yappy yappy

yappy anyways not that I want a nuclear war but that part of the country that part of the world it's a fucking toilet okay give the do it do it this fucker is really prominent today right put it in backwards god damn I'm just saying

do it. Bibby Netanyahu does. He goes, I'm giving you three days, you people, your civilian palisines, get out of town. And then he does it 10 minutes later. I like them. Tough Jews. Let's move on to the story. Baseball bus burned.

And like I said, to Dallas, too bad the socks weren't in it. I'm kidding, socks. I love you. You know that. But I don't know. You are the story of Major League. baseball and for all the wrong reasons. A Canadian teenager is facing arson charges,

A, after authorities say torched a charter bus, belonging to an American professional baseball team during a road trip to Winnipeg, Canada. I'm sitting there going, how bored was this guy? There's no a young kid in Canada can hate American baseball team who

nobody's ever heard of. He had to just be going, I wonder what happens if I throw this into that bus. I'm hoping, unless he had a real grudge. Hey, I don't know. The manager for the Kane County Cougars, which is a U.S. baseball team, maybe the manager fucked his mom. We don't know. The Kane County Cougars, a U.S.-based independent professional baseball team, we're traveling in Canada for games against the Winnipeg Gold Eyes.

What kind of name is that for a baseball team? Gold Eyes. Sounds like you got jaundice. On May 21st, Law Enfor. agent, she's responded to the team's bus engulfed in flames outside Blue Cross Park. Authorities determined that the fire was intentionally set. Two teenagers were initially taken into custody. A 15-year-old girl, girl power, has since been charged. I was saying it was a boy, with arson causing damage to property and possession of incendiary material. She's a little whore and a little piece of trash.

Not necessarily. I'm guessing she's from a broken home. She's a victim. The team was later released into the custody of a responsible adult. An responsible adult. It's so Canadian. Yes, it is. She was released to a responsible adult named Matt Lauer.

If you remember, he raped people at NBC who pretended to, allegedly. The entire bus and contents were destroyed. We are very disappointed that this could happen to our family-owned company and the loss of this vehicle when packed our business and operations. Well, you might want to get more buses if you're a bus company. If one goes out of order, it's going to hurt your company? What the fuck? You're running out of your kitchen, you think?

Winster Operations Manager Jackson Greteman. He said that. He said, I'll kill the twat. I added that for emphasis. There's no crying in baseball. Look at this guy. Look at this guy. slash girl. Again, a lot of people aren't recognizing this.

Look at that face. That is a woman's face. That's fucking Nor O'Donnell's face. With a guy's haircut, look at the fingers. Look at his fingers. Those are women hands. That thing has a vagina. And if it's a guy, it still has a vagina. Do you guys notice? But if you look real quick, because I almost missed it when we're doing the run through before the show. look at he'll be on Jeopardy tonight because they have a quote they really do

they have a quota they have to meet on jeopardy I'm saying that should be an investigation a trans every three four shows look at those fingers those are the gayest hands I've ever seen a greet man that's him say there fella

said damage to the 56 seat bus and destroyed equipment is estimated $425,000 dollars. He said he was going to spend that on body parts, so he's pissed. Authorities have not publicly discussed the possible motive as the investigation continues. I'm guessing the girl is pissed because this guy stole her skirt or something like that. Keep an eye out for those. I mean, it's amazing how many times I'm watching TV with my wife and it's a commercial and I go,

did you notice? Now she's even beating me to it sometimes. did you notice? And you'll, nine out of ten people, I'm telling you, that's a guy, and you just, but if you pause and you have scads of time on your hands like I do, you can stare at it for a year and a half and investigate it. Figs. Too many transitioning.

It's a dangerous situation. I think we talk about that on this show. I don't know. All right, let's move on to a real tragedy. I am not a NASCAR fan by any stretch of the imagination. understand how you can watch that shit. I just don't. I really, honestly, I think it's better if you went out on a Saturday night near a highway that's, I don't know, you know, there's a hooters or pick any bar and just wait in the parking lot, watch people come out

and speed and flip over. This shit in a circle, honestly, I know people have said that forever, but I never, I really do believe people watch the same reason they watch a comedian. You hope they don't go to see me do good. They want to see your bomb. The ones that don't know you. The ones that want to be comedians, but never took it up. I remember a guy said that on the internet

about me, he goes, huh, stand up a comedian, kind of a waste of a life. I went, oh, said the guy who wanted to be a comedian but didn't have the balls to you, fucking. That's how I used to answer people. That'd wonder why I would get sworn. I used to take it serious. Anyhow.

Sepsis hits NASCAR, the death of NASCAR Cup Series champion, Kyle Bush, I knew the name because I know the Bush, they're huge in NASCAR, whose family said he had severe pneumonia that progressed to sepsis, has renewed questions about a condition many people have heard of, but few fully understand. He's gone, and we couldn't do nothing about it. And I said when I read that, tell me about it. I know what sepsis is

I know when something gets in your blood you're in deep shit if you don't take care of it and I had heard you know I had read many times about and it's not that I didn't take care of my teeth this was a thing broke off or whatever

but people who don't take care of their teeth and they start rotting out of herd it can go to your heart and stuff dentist used to say that you know you got a flaw and I'm gonna get it well I just gotta fucking go to your heart shut up I had a pork chop

fucking pull it out who's the comedian in the head that bit. There's some guy from Pittsburgh. He goes, you go to a dentist. Before you go, what do you do? You brush your teeth for like an hour and a half. You floss for 45 minutes. You're spitting blood in the sink.

You rinse. Then you're getting a chair. He goes in there with a hook, not even 30 seconds, pulls out a whole bologna sandwich. He still remember that stupid joke. Sepsis is more common and more unpredictable than most people realize. The symptoms often started days earlier. Flank pain. A piece of flannel.

steak gets cut. Fever. Chills. Chills. Check. Fever. Check. Chills. Chills. Chach. Nauseia. Or a general feeling that something was not right. That's the biggest one. That's the one when I went, you know what? I've felt shitty in my life, but this feels like it could go away. I mean, it was a different kind of tired and, I don't know. Something was not right. By the time they get to the emergency room. This is my story. Some look visibly ill, which a doctor said to me. He goes, your heart rate was 130 resting. Blood pressure low. And I was a little, a little disoriented. This is no longer just an infection. This is sepsis. The body's extreme response to an infection. About 1.7 million adults in the United States developed sepsis each year and at least 350,000 die during hospitalization,

yikes, or a discharge to a hospice. Yet public awareness remains surprisingly low. Many people still do not recognize the symptoms or realize that common infections can trigger it. When your medical team suspects sepsis, the clock starts. That would be my wife. She was the medical team. We start IV fluids. I read that as four fluids.

And broad spectrum antibiotics within the first hour, which is exactly what they did. This doctor looked like he was 27. God bless him. His name is Barbary, B-A-R-B-A-B-A-E, Barbary. And then we look for the source of the original infection, which wasn't hard because my face was killing me.

I showed them the... Many people think. of infections as staying in one part of the body, pneumonia affects the lungs. They're like Jews in the Bible. They wander all over. The infection does. A urinary infection affects, people think a urinary infection affects the bladder, a skin infection stays in the skin. Sometimes that's true, but when sepsis develops, the body's response, this is a great analogy, can become much larger than the original affection. Now, Kyle Bush was coughing up

blood, I guess, right before he died. So, holy shit. Sepsis is like a kitchen fire that trigger, this is a great analogy, triggers sprinklers throughout the entire building. So it's your body, it's your body trying to do right.

You know what I mean? Nature, Will Robinson. Nature, no. Sepsis can also develop from urinary infections. Do you know that men don't get them as much as women? Do you know why that is our tube is longer the urethra than a girl's so by the time before it can get all the way up we'll have pissed or whatever I thought I'd throw that in there I just made that up but how

does it sound no I did I read that sepsis can also develop from a urinary infection kitty stones issues inside the abdomen skin wounds and surgical sites one sepsis is suspected timing becomes everything I'll do that again. Once sepsis is spotted, timing is everything. This is why hospitals, emergency departments have protocols designed to identify and treat it quickly. I didn't know that. I just know I had to get to an emergency room. This fucking thing, Dallas, today it feels like I have a dick in my mouth. How do I know that? Well, I experimented in elementary school. Teams move fast to obtain blood tests, which they did. Look for signs of organ dysfunction. This girl did that. I didn't have a problem with it. Start up.

I almost said four fluids again. Start four fluids. Vodka, cranberry, orange juice, and collo. Start IV fluids and antibiotics and identify the source of infection through cultures or imaging. That's what they did with me. They took my blood, did a culture. But they didn't tell me, we can get the results until I left. And they said, get back here.

You're dying. Treating the source matters just as much as treating the infection. Did you hear that? In some cases, that means draining an abscess. which I didn't have, removing infected tissue or leaving a block kidney. In my case, it was the tooth, a block kidney with a stent so urine and infection can drain. The goal is to try to control both the infection and the body's rising immune response before the entire system gets overwhelmed.

And that's when you go into septic shock. And that's like 40 or 50 percent fatal. So rest in peace, Kyle, but 41 years old. And I mean, he's super successful, you know. And I like it. He was a bit of a scrapper. They showed some highlights where he's fighting the other guys. I always found guys who were good with engines and light cars to be kind of moody fucks.

You know what I'm saying? Your local mechanic was always in a bad mood. And I always felt like, dude, I would love to know what you're doing. You know, they were grease monkeys, but they didn't want to be. But they're great at it. Same when plumbers that come. house. Some of them are my favorite part when lived in New York, you know, in the suburbs of this house that was built in 1937 out of stone, we had a oil tank with a million, a million knobs.

There were two tanks and there's a pipe connected them both when one would go empty, the other one you have to turn this knob. We had literally the guy handed us two pages of directions. And it was such a fucking pain in the fucking ass. But we'd have guys come on. out, plummer, and I would laugh because I go, I used to say to Andy, watch this guy badmouthed the last guy's work. I'm going to take it in there.

Who the fuck did this? You could get 10 plumbers in the same day and they'd all have a different answer. No, this doesn't. I heard of them. They don't do good work. I've been doing it's 40 years. The next guy comes in.

Who the fuck did this? Did you do? I didn't touch it. It's really funny. Of course, the wife, fucking wife, she rewrote the rules that the guy gave us. I'm just, you know, I'm down there going, if you hear a explosion, let's just do it. I'm like a kid. 19-fuck, I go, life is this too complicated for me. I'm going to go upstairs and write some dick jokes. You figure it out.

Just what the wife wants to hear. Anyways, let's move on to something. I want to buy one of these. I hope they're on the market. I don't know. The War on Mosquitoes. What? The War on Mosquitoes.

I like the show without the politics. When Nets spray and I'm talking like goddamn Ken Jennings. The answer is Shakespeare. What the fuck is that? Oh, it's a plane. When Nets spray and anti-mosquito pills are just not working, one company says it's almost ready to ship a mosquito defense system, guess what? Israel?

That seems like it should be fitted on the Death Star. Don't bring my wife into this. When used as directed, there is no risk to adult children, babies, or pregnant women. Let me tell you something. When there's no risk to pregnant women, it has to be safe. Because everything is a risk to a pregnant woman. Everything on TV is a risk. they're advertising

women's shoes don't buy these if you're pregnant fucking milk not if you're pregnant everything every medication will kill a baby just one technology

seemingly couldn't get any crazier the photon matrix is a new product hoping to ship to consumers worldwide this summer if this works somebody's going to be a trillionaire look at that that's the thing right there

labeled the world's first portable laser mosquito defense system. Think of the iron dome. That's what you're talking about. The photon matrix lab team says its light detection and ranging system combined with an electromechanical measuring instrument called a galvanometer. Sounds like they're making it up as they go along. Yeah, I got the galvanum. Is the answer to Ritting one's backyard cottage or camping trip of black families. I, what? Hey, why you that goes in there put that at the top Dallas I like that one that's very Nick DePaulo showish but let's check out exactly how this thing works and again

think I and dome check it out matrix is coming advanced LiDar high speed galvanometer and pulse the cold laser technology all in one lock on a target in just 0.003 seconds and achieve up to 50,000. I'm getting it for the sound effects. I'm telling you, this has to be Israeli technology. The company promises that its precision laser striking system delivers in an automated and chemical free way to zap mosquitoes out of the sky

as soon as they are within range. This is tremendous. So if you're dating, you young guys, you're dating a fat girl not clean down there, You put this on your bureau. Why do you get to go there? I had no where else to go. The product works by shooting its laser at objects within approximately a 19-foot radius

that are between 0.08 and 0.8, that's 8,100 inches in size. So cover your dicks, fellas. The device cannot kill houseflies, roaches, wasp, or moths, or dogs, because they are larger and faster than mosquitoes. Now that seems weird, you'd think, right? The mosquito will be quicker because it's anorexic, but no, it's filled with your blood heading back to the house. The company says, therefore it is also allegedly safe, I can't say allegedly with my new teeth, safe for operation around bees or butterflies, which have different flight patterns that the machine does not recognize.

See, I would fiddle with it. I would make it recognize everything. My neighbors, they're kids. Fucking great. With obvious safety concerns as the first question, this Chinese company, yeah, you goddamn right,

we have safety concerns. It's a Chinese company. Where'd you perfect it? In the kitchen at a Chinese restaurant. You had some fucking Labrador retrieva opened up laying on the table for five weeks, unfrigated.

This Chinese company out of Changzoo City, I used to return kicks at Chang Zu. Full scholarship. Full boat. Says if a large pet or human comes into the target zone, the device will automatically stop shooting. They said that.

We've got to believe them. We said a lot. Who does hurt little dogs. At the same time, the company claims the laser is very low power with extremely short pulse duration so it would not cause burns. even the extremely unlikely event of direct skin exposure.

And why would they lie? They're the Chinese. Right? I take their word for nothing. The company wrote, when use as directed, there's no risk to adult, children, babies, or pregnant women.

The product is expected to ship in quarter two or quarter three of 2026, which is listed as approximately July or August, currently priced it, $650. I will wait a year and they'll be down on $14.95.

You'll see them on commercials at 2 in the morning. We'll just hire somebody to kill the motherfuckers. I have that kind of money. You do? No. No, I don't. I would just like to watch it. I mean, you get mesmerized by one of those bug lights.

Isn't that great when like a fucking bird flies into it? All of a sudden all the lights go out in the neighborhood. Fucking duck stuck in there. What's on tonight? Atlanta, Braves versus the Red Sox. Check that one off. This is fascinating. I'm wondering if they're going to bring in like a, another.

These are supposedly, they still have interim, the manager and coaches. I wonder if he's going to bring in a whole. Watch this be the one series the Braves. Maybe, but that's baseball. You know what I mean? Maybe. And that doesn't make the Brave. Braves, they've been damn good all year.

So I actually believe in the breadth of And I'm telling you, I'm telling you, if the Red Sox figure out the offense of these guys just start hitting, but, you know, on the off season, I kept, Greg Breslow is the baseball operations manager, whatever, general manager.

He was a pitcher. So I'm going, this guy, it's all he's looking for is pitching, which is very important baseball. I understand that. You know? But when they, first of all, when they let go of Bregman, I go, you motherfuckers, you should have backed up the truck for that guy.

He kept saying how he was so great in there, he's like another coach on the field. Okay, you were full of shit. You should have, I don't go over budget, like the other teams do, whatever. But he kept, every story I read during the pre-scene was about pitching. It's like, okay, where's the slugging?

And Contreras was probably the least sexy name out of all the sluggish, Schwarber, these guys were out there. And I'm like, really? And I was wrong about that. He's been tremendous, both defensively not. I'm just saying it. It looks like a team that was too worried about pitching. I mean, Trevor Story, by the way, he's, I don't know how long he's going to be out. He's already been out a couple of weeks. These are starters, and he was only hitting like 220, but hit drive-in runs. Who cares? I agree. Let's move on to St. Louis. When Louis Salazar, I always want to say Louise when I look at that,

Louis Salazar entered a restroom at a Wawa, I still don't know the history of that name, gas station and saw a fanny pack. When I enter a gas station bathroom, I always see a fanny. That sucked. Hanging on a rail, he realized someone left it behind. I saw it, he said, and I grabbed it and tried to look. locate the person that was there, he explained to WPBF. However, he was unable to find its owner and opened it to try and find the person's

identification so he could get it back to them. Unlike me, he would have been off to the fucking pro bash shop to get a gun that I would put under my other guns. I'm going to sell them to you, Dallas. I don't think I'm ever going to use them again. I don't trust myself. I looked at a blender yesterday. I couldn't just fucking remember what button hit.

I can see me going. What's the matter? However, the only thing inside the pack was $30,000 in cash. My body was like numb. Just seeing all this money that belongs to somebody else, Salazar said, well, my dick would have been hard. I wouldn't have gone numb. Who was a construction worker?

This guy, he was in a tough spot because the only thing he remembered about the person he believed was the owner was the clothes the individual was wearing, according to the New York Post. Meanwhile, the owner had traveled to another County and did not realize the money was missing until he got there. The unidentified man said he sold his Pokemon collection. You should have kept the money, Lewis, for just over that amount to help pay for his sister's medical procedure.

Okay, I guess. All of a sudden, everybody's an angel in his story. He called local police about the situation, but little did he know, Salazar was searching for him. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? When law enforcement identified Salazar via security footage, they brought the two men together,

and they struck it off and now bought a condo together in Provincetown and suck each other's Cox. Now here's Fred with sports. It's not my money to take. I was not raised that way. I guess maybe there's just more good people in the world than most people think, you know. Yeah. Try that in New York and tell me you're going to.

to say that or Chicago or fucking L.A. or any other fucking sanctuary city filled with fucking filthy minorities. Anyways, what? You heard of me. Suck a dick. There are people like that, and I had that experience myself.

Spring break, high school, senior year. We go to Fort Lauderdale near the end of it. We had one day left. One or two days left. I can't find my wallet. With cash in it. I'm going motherfucker.

I think we drove down. We had to because I didn't have ID. I got home back to Danvers' Mass, parents' house. A week later, I go to the mailbox. There's a manila envelope or whatever from a police station in Fort Lauderdale. I don't know what about it. Open up, here's my wallet with the $11 still in it.

Couldn't believe it. Couldn't frigging believe it. It's not that great a story because I had $2,000 in it. when I lost it. But listen. No, that's a true story. It was pretty good, right?

I would do the same. If you find a huge amount, when I say huge, it has to be over $100,000. Anything less I'm keeping? No. No, you got to. You got to do the right thing. You don't have to.

But if you're white, you do, let's move on. Shall we, Dallas? And now for Nick's video of the day. In our vaudeville, a video of the day, this guy speaks for a lot of Americanos. I found this clip of a guy at a town hall meeting or whatever you want to call it. In Cape Cod, let me tell you about Boston and Massachusetts people. They speak their minds.

They always have, it'll never change. Yes, it's a faggy liberal city now. So when they speak their mind, you want to put your fist up their ass and they'd love it. But this is a, to me, this is a, you can tell. Massachusetts fella and he's had enough. And I thought he was, this was so great the way he told these fucking local politicians to eat shit. And he does something I can't do. Can't push the emotion out of the way so you can think clearly.

But watch this and tell him he's not speaking for almost everybody in the country that votes Republican. And would you please tell us your name and what community you're from? Yes. My name is Andrew de Rogers. I'm born and raised on Cape Cod. I appreciate that many people here have different points of view, and that's fine. Many of them are very well spoken. Many of them are polite.

I'm not going to be. I am that taxpayer that several of the people who sat up here and spoke are talking about. What is on the line is very simple. Pause. Why is the fuck? BTO music in the background? First of all, that doesn't make it safe to play a clip.

That makes it you could get flagged because you're using their music, like the whole song, right? So I didn't hear that. That's fucking weird. Anyways, listen to the guy. That's fucking weird. It is a declaration of your allegiance

either to the American citizen, the legal taxpaying American citizen, or the chosen community of foreign nationals who have been trafficked into this country for purposes of census data, for purposes of seats, for purposes of power, and for purposes of taxes. I am sick to effing death of paying for such bullshit, and I'm sick to death of being lectured about compassion, about patience and understanding.

I have lived here all my life, and I have been required for all 40 years of that life to obey the law and follow the rules. There will be no social security check for me when I can't work anymore. I have never once received any of the benefits that have been spoken of here. Nobody is beating down my door to help me fix up my house so that it doesn't collect. lapse on me or lower the cost of the electricity that I have to pay. I don't get health insurance. I can't afford it. But I am punished by this state for not being able to afford it

so that people who are in this country illegally can benefit from it and go see the doctor whenever they want. And that is a fact. And I am sick of it. I am not an un-understanding individual. I am not an uncompassionate individual. but my generosity has been abused and I am sick of it. I am sick of being treated as an indentured servant

to foreign nationals in my country and in my community and I don't give a damn whose feelings that hurts. So you can either approve this measure and show legal law-abiding tax-paying citizens that they do not matter to you or you can reject it and show them that you are listening. Those are the only two options.

And for the record, I traveled abroad to a foreign nation and you would not believe the amount of documentation I was required to have on me at all times and show whenever anybody asks. And you can bet your ass if I broke their laws, they would have nailed my ass to the wall. And I was very well behaved over there and I was very respectful to the people because I was a guest in their country. I wasn't do anything. Thank you

That's fucking beautiful How about that? Huh? I hope Trump saw that Trump should have that guy at his next rally and go give that exact speech You know

And then he'll go And I'm going to buy out your business Did that guy leave any stone unturned Not a one And he was calm And one other thing I noticed Unlike Chuck Schumer, who's speaking in public for his whole professional life, he didn't have to go. And we feel this way that the...

No cards, no notes, right from the gut, didn't miss a thing. That guy, I don't know if he knows how good a speaker he is. You know, how effective. Anyway, that's your video of the day. And that was Nick's video of the day. Yeah. Yeah. See? That's it for today, boys and girls. It's Monday. I got to go home and fucking try to get those dates straight in that book or I'm going to quit the book.

Nah, just do what I would do. No, you're right. I already forgot. Imagine? I'll call you on the way home. Hey, where did I live? No, you're absolutely right, actually. It doesn't really matter. But you know why, Dallas? Because I've been telling it that way. That's why I was so convinced. This AI is wrong about the movie gates, but I don't think they are, because I remember taking her and seeing that and having that horrible date. And I took it as deer hunter. And I Google, well, deer hunter was great. I mean, come on. Plus, I remember at the end going, hey, did you notice the De Niro, De Niro Merrill Street

with the stars? Did you notice De Niro's name was Nick and hers was Linda? And she goes, yeah, who gives the fuck? And I went, hey, I'll smack your teeth out of your head. She was such a great. Girls are just great. She just, even though she dumped me and, you know, whatever. When you're in high school, you think you're going to, it's silly.

But I was, you know, I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to end up marrying this girl. Then cut two years ahead, 14 chlamydia cases later. I, no, anyhow, she made a scrapbook for me. I thought it was my mother threw it out years of. ago. Andy goes, we have it here. So I dig it out and it's of no help to me. It's all football clips and shit. It's all but it doesn't help me out one bit. Anyways, that's it, boys and girls. Don't forget cameo.com if you'd like me to, you know, roast a relative or whatever, say hello or happy birthday. Go to cameo.com. Click on my profile. It'll tell you how to do it. It's

very easy. And for a small fee, I can disappoint you too. That's it. You guys think that I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here at the same time tomorrow. Have a good day, everybody. Hi, good night, everybody.