The Nick DiPaolo Show - Thick-ankled Dog Face Stokes Incivility Flames

Episode Date: October 10, 2018

Rand Paul Talks Assassination. The Negative Network News. Cool Klein Clips.

Thank you. Oh yeah, what's going on folks? Hey, hey, hey. Wednesday, a dirty Wednesday. 8-3-5-5-9. Brian, what are you doing? Kill the fucking music. 30 Wednesday, 83559. Brian, what are you doing? Kill the fucking music. Jesus. 833-599-NICK.

833-599-6425, the phone number. This episode of the Nick DiPaolo Podcast brought to you by BlueChew.com. Guys, remember the days when you were always ready to go, back when you could finish with a lady and then be ready to perform again? And when you performed, it was never at three-quarters mass. No, it was always full mass. But like all things, age catches up and can impact your performance. But thanks to our new sponsor, bluechew.com,

you can increase your performance and get some extra firepower in bed. BlueChew.com. That's blue, like the color blue in chew, because BlueChew.com has created the first chewable supplement packed with the same FDA-approved active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis. Since they're chewable, they work up to twice as fast as a pill,

so you can be ready whenever an opportunity arises. With Blue Chew, you'll be at 100% whenever you need to be. And not only that, but it can shorten your recovery period if you want to go again in the same night. Blue Chew ships straight to your door in a discreet package, so no in-person doctor's visit, no waiting in the pharmacy, and best of all, I've been told that your dick gets harder faster. What is not to love about that?

They're made in the USA, and since Blue Chew prepares and ships direct, they're cheaper than a pharmacy. And here's the deal, folks. Visit BlueChew.com and get your first shipment free when you use our special promo code Nick. Just pay $5 for shipping. That's it. You're going to get it for free. The actual product. Again, that's bluechew.com.

Promo code Nick, N-I-C-K, to try it for free. Blue Chew is the better, cheaper, faster choice. And we thank them for sponsoring my show. Yes, you are correct, sir. Turn it up a little bit. Again, my headphones are a little a little, there you go, I guess. I don't want to eat the mic. It's like

ever since Jay touched it, it's got a little weird, ironically. How are you, folks? Great to be with you on a Wednesday. Hope you lived out in the I don't know know in the Florida area you're surviving Panama City's getting it right in the butt from fucking Michael that sounds like a gay porn title but uh my goodness gracious this is the third most powerful storm ever to

make landfall in the United States I don't remember even reading about it three days ago they usually they're usually selling umbrellas at Home Depot, and the media has a connection with a meteorologist and says, pump this up. We want to sell sandbags, blah, blah, blah. This sucker snuck up. So we hope you guys are okay down there. And Florida, man.

I got a brother with a house somewhere in the Naples area. I don't know. I have two summer homes in Vermont. No weather hits there. If I had the money to do summer homes, folks, I'd be very happy right now. Not the missile prick I am. Guys, as a way of thanking you for being loyal listeners,

I have a 20% off promo code for you guys to use at my website, nicknip.com, that is, until Halloween. Go to nicknip.com. Facebook listeners, use promo code Facebook20, and YouTube listeners, use promo code YouTube20. For 20% off anything in the store, hats, shirts, CDsds signed cds or dvds again mentioned again i don't know why tampons shot glasses pool cues i added those uh for all your international listeners i should say for all you internationalists we now have international shipping too

also if you're an amazon prime member there is a link there for you to watch my last three specials for free. For free. Let me say that again. For free. So that's a way of us thanking you for being such loyal, loyal. I've added about 600, 700 followers on Twitter. And I want you guys to go and look at the number, memorize it, and watch how they...

For the next couple weeks, they'll bring it back down to 200. And then they'll fucking play with me again and put it back up. And this has been going on forever. But who knows? Am I paranoid? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm like Grandpa. Guys, I need more in the headphone area.

It might be this, hold on. Let me try this right here. Testing, one, two. That doesn't do anything. No, that's the caller thing, right? I don't know. All right, that's good. I'm very fussy with the sound.

Ask anybody, any clubs, any venues I've played. I'm always like, they'll actually turn it down in the middle of my show. And I'll say, did I ask you to turn it down? I like it fucking loud. That way if I'm bombing, I still sound like I'm doing well. And they're sound guys. They recorded three CDs with their friends in a punk band. So they know better.

But anyways, real quick, I got some new dates. Nickdip.com, again, my tour dates. Thursday, October 18th, The Village Underground, New York City. Saturday, October 27th, Lucy's, Pleasantville, New York. November 2nd and 3rd, Governors in Levittown. Tuesday, November 6th, The Fat Black Pussycat. Friday, November 9th, and Saturday, November 10th, Comics at Mohegan Sun, Uncasville, Connecticut.

Saturday, November 17th, The Comedy Shop, Bud Lake, New Jersey. Friday, November 30th and Saturday, December 1st, The Corner Comedy Club, Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. Monday, December 31st, which is New Year's Eve, Tarrytown Music Hall. Don't miss that one. Do not miss that one. January 19th, Bobby B's in

Windsor Locks, Connecticut. It's actually Bobby Valentine's place. It's actually a good one-nighter where I get to try a lot of new shit and make a little bit of do-re-mi. Super chat from Monday. Patrick Doerr, we missed you. I apologize. You had a question.

You asked me what was Stevie Van Zandt like? Huge lib, but told Bruce to shut it and said he understood why people supported Trump. Used to be a Bruce fan until he endorsed warmonger and cankle dog face. Patrick Dorr.

I thought you meant Van Zandt used to be a Bruce supporter. I don't know. I didn't get to hang out be a Bruce supporter. I don't know. I didn't get to hang out with him, Pat. I didn't get to hang out with Stevie Van Zant. I, you know, I don't know what the fuck, you know. I had a quick scene with him and I told this story before. He was in a car and I walked over him right before our scene

because I heard his dog died that day or the night before. I went up and knocked on his window he rolled it down I go Stevie I introduced myself sorry to hear about your dog and he went like this he gave me a fucking Silvio look that would have sent shivers up Tony's ass he's a real dog lover and I don't know if I was breaking his uh you know he was in his uh character or whatever but he did he just put the window back up. Didn't say anything. Didn't say anything. Gave me a little bit of a scowl.

That's not his fault. I was, you know, probably being very unprofessional by doing that right before the scene. But so I don't know. I don't know what he's like. I just know he has real hair. We do this on Facebook Live and YouTube Live. You know that, right? Sure we do. We'll do it live.

It's a Wednesday. We'll do it live. Fuck it. Do it live. I can do it. Yes, we will. So I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So enjoy.

I just like this. This is part of the show now. It's the lifeblood of the show, if you will. Anyways, what's in the news? My iPad's not recharging now. Can somebody help with that? Is there an anorexic battery in this fucker I should know about? It fucking won't recharge.

I don't know. But anyways, what's in the news? I'll tell you what's in the news. This. We're coming for you, Houston. And I really don't want you. It's funny, the Yankee fans. Oh, good luck getting past Houston. They're going to fucking kick you out.

Yeah, you're right. It's better off sitting home than not losing. Or having a chance to win or lose in the ALCS. So kiss my grits. Sox took care of business barely last night, but they did. But there's an interesting backstory to this. I didn't even know about this. As the champagne bottles were popping in the Red Sox locker room after their win last night,

the background music was Frank Sinatra singing New York, New York. And that is the song they play at Yankee Stadium after they win. And here are the Red Sox celebrating. You can hear the music in the background. Ryan, you know. I want to be in New York. New York. New York.

New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York.

New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York.

New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York.

New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. New York. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I celebrating for the second time within a month at yankee stadium that is like porn to anybody from the boston area I enjoyed it thoroughly. But they were playing New York, New York. Frank Sinatra. By the way, I like fucking Jay-Z and what's her name? You know, State of Mind.

What is it? Come on, guys. You were fucking 11. New York State of Mind. New York State of Mind. I love that song so much. And you know, I'm a Sinatra fan. I would replace, if I was a,

I would replace Sinatra with Jay-Z's, I fucking absolutely love that song. Absolutely. With Alicia Keys, the little hateful whitey hater who has one speck of black blood and she acts like she's fucking, you know, Matumbe.

Who's that? I don't know, a leader of a country somewhere in South Africa, North Africa. But anyway, so they play New York, New York. And why is that controversial? Well, there's again more to this story than meets the eye. After the Yankees beat the Sox in game two at Fenway on Saturday, I was at a wedding. Yankee star right fielder Aaron Judge, who I love, by the way, I know that's blasphemous to say,

had walked by the Boston clubhouse with a boombox. I guess he was feeling his fucking oats, all six foot 11 of them. And this is him. Listen to what he was playing when he walked by the Red Sox clubhouse after they had lost that on a night. Listen real hard. That was Sinatra. King of the hill.

So he did that Saturday night. So I think the Red Sox would give him a little zing zangler. Give him a zing zing zing. 833-599-6425. 833-599-64255 And the reason I like Aaron Judge, he's not usually like that. But he's a young guy. I think he could be the face of baseball, actually.

Frankenstein's face. I mean, he's got a head on him like a horse, everybody. But it backfired. And the Sox hung on. Kimbrell came in, made it interesting. Walks a guy, gives up a hit, hits a guy. Next thing you know, gives up a hit, hits a guy. Next thing you know, here we go again, right?

That'll never leave guys my age who are from the Boston area. Whenever you're playing the Yankees. It could have been 14-0. I would have still been sweating bullets. And they hung on. Ryan, your thoughts on that? That's a twink. God damn it.

Why? Who's your team, Ryan? I'm the Yankees team. I hate that fucking rookie. He fucking blew it. You hate who? The last guy who was up against the Yankees. He struck out all the way at the end.

What are you talking about? Ground ball. Ground ball to 30. Whatever the hell he did. Oh, the last guy up for the Yankees? Last guy up, yeah. Who was it? Torres?

It was the new guy. It was the rookie. I can't remember his name. Yeah, you must be a huge fan. You can't even mention his name. You, you must be a huge fan. You can't even mention his name. You know who he's a huge fan of? He's a huge fan of jazz hands and fucking Haitian choreography. In all boys wrestling. Anyways. Anyways, go Sox. Fucking Houston. Scary.

Bullpen starting pitch and ERA. They put up their stats. ERA number one in the strikeouts number one. This is for both their starters and their bullpen. They're hitting the shit out of the ball. They're gelling at the wrong time. I mean the right time if you're from Houston. It's going to be interesting. Alex

Corr is a genius though. He fucking made some moves. You know who came in? Chris Sale who's 6'11", weighs 11 grams soaking wet dropping these nasty curve balls in just delicious anyway let's get to this story the thick ankle dog face who who is that uh that would be hillary clinton she's in the news again she's somebody get her back at her fucking truck here's Hillary that's what she said on MSNBC thank you

you d-bag anyways Hillary Clinton warns Americans to fend off the Trump administration's assault on our democracy in a scathing essay published by The Atlantic, which is more left. It's to the left of the fucking Green Monster. Let's put it that way. OK, the former secretary of state and 2016 Democratic candidate declared President Donald Trump has undermined the integrity of the nation's highest court.

Listen to this lion twat and that it's time for Democrats to be tougher with their opponents. Here she is speaking to somebody somewhere. I'm guessing a horse stable somewhere in Kentucky where she was feeding on oats right before the interview, this fat cunt.

You cannot be civil with a political party that wants to destroy what you stand for, what you care about. That's why I believe if we are fortunate enough to win back the House and or the Senate, that's when civility can start again. Did you just fucking hear that?

She's sociopathic. They're not being tough enough. I'll repeat that. She said they're not being tough enough. She's stoking the flames of incivility. Blame it on the fucking GOP. Did you just hear that? Did you hear what I heard?

She says you can't be civil with a party that's not for your values and trying to destroy. Really? The GOP is doing just that, being civil to a party that's stoking the flames of incivility, the fucking Democrats. Do I have to list the incivility? We did a whole show on it yesterday. I'm not even mentioning Black Lives Matter slash Antifa blocking traffic and threatening old white people. I'm not even mentioning that today. But how about Steve Scalise being shot and five other people

on a baseball field by a lefty who was yelling healthcare? A Bernie Sanders supporter. How about ricin? Actual ricin being mailed to the fucking White House. How about burning cars that have Trump Bub bumper stickers on them?

Can I make this shit up, guys? I mean, seriously. How about Rand Paul being attacked by his neighbor and breaking six of his ribs? How about headquarters? Numerous Republican headquarters being vandalized and spray-painted and rocks thrown through the window.

Not to mention anybody's put on a MAGA hat and get fucking sucker punched or anybody. Are you dog styling me, Hillary? You corn muffin eating hoe you. I hope you have hot sauce in your pocket. Seriously. And she's calling. You can't be civil. So she's actually saying keep it up. How about Ted Cruz and his wife and a hundred other Republicans being chased out of restaurants when they're trying to eat? Who's being incivil?

You wrinkle, thick ankle, fuck face. Jesus Christ, get a lump on your fucking neck and die already. I didn't say Ted because she doesn't have any. Ha ha, won't hear that on Hannity. That's why you guys love me. Rush Limbaugh would love to talk like this. Sean Hannity would love to talk like this. Anybody. Brett Young would love to talk, but he can't. His mouth is like this. Wow, Tucker. You know, the intubility. Mitch McConnell would love to talk like this. Tucker. You know, the intubility there. Mitch McConnell would love to

talk like this. Anybody. Trump does talk like this, and that's why I love him. 833-599-6425. 833- 599-6425. Who's being... Who's the fucking... Who are the fucking

violent... She really is a sociopath. She goes on to say, Senate Republicans under Mitch McConnell, she says, demeaned the confirmation process. The Republicans and Mitch McConnell did it. They demeaned. It wasn't fucking Avenatti. Avenatti, it wasn't Feinstein, that old wrinkled twat's own, who held a letter from Blasey Ford, released it right before the hair. It wasn't them who demeaned the process, then dragged two other whores out of the woods saying that Kavanaugh was leading a gang rape thing when he was in high school and spiking punch and looking at his yearbook. They didn't demean it.

Cory Booker, fucking Spartacus. They didn't demean the process. You are a fucking sociopath. Even the people in your party hate your guts now. They don't want to hear from you more. I have more respect for Ocasio-Cortez, Alexandria.

I mean, what the fuck? You are scary, scary crazy. Demean the confirmation press and insulted and attacked Christine Blasey Ford. That's what she said. Who? Hillary Clinton. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo you're dealing with an ideological party that is driven by the, listen to this, by the lust for power, unlike her and her fucking rapist husband, that is funded by corporate interests, who want a government that does its bidding.

So, do I have this right? How about the media doing your bidding and your party's bidding? You can be civil, but you can't overcome what they intend to do unless you win elections. She says, but the president's been true to form, Clinton added. He has insulted, attacked, demeaned women, demeaned women throughout the campaign. Really, for many years leading up to, you know what he's done, Hillary, you thick-ankled dick-wiener?

Actually, he's, he's actually defending guys like me who have heard nothing but fucking radical feminists for the last 20 years screaming their never fucking ending list of grievances and how men are fucking evil. He's just defending us. We're supposed to lay down and take in the ass from you and your fucking party, you pig. Have another donut already. Nick, why do you have to take it there? Why? Because it's my show and it's on the internet, you motherless tit

fucks. Ow! My elbow! And he's continued to do that inside the White House. This goes out to Hillary and all the feminists out there that are so angry. Make me a sandwich. Make me a

fucking sandwich. You hear that, Hillary? Make me a sandwich. I told you to do something. Make me a fucking sandwich. Make yourself one while you're at it. A really big one. Heavy on the mayo there, Chunky. Oh, that's an ad hominem attack.

He stayed true to form. You know what? The best part of this quote? He's continued to do that inside the White House, a place that you haven't seen in about 20 years. How's that feel? By the way, I saw you on a college campus in a clip yesterday, coughing like you worked in a coal mine for 40 years, you're gonna die soon, I have both my fucking fingers crossed, my big toe, my little toes, and my taint, it's all crossed, may you fucking develop a clot the size of a grapefruit, and it goes right to your fucking tiny little man-hating brain, you half a fucking carpet muncher, I guess you guys know I don't like her very much. I think, uh, imagine, can you imagine? She has the gall to go out there, talk about Trump and how he demeans

women when she's married to a fucking alleged rapist, but we know he's really a rapist. a fucking alleged rapist, but we know he's really a rapist. Can you imagine the balls, and she does have balls, big, hairy, gray ones, the fucking audacity for this pantsuit-wearing, carbohydrate-eating fool?

Your party wants you out, by the way. It's not just me, you know. Ryan, how are you? Fantastic. Laughing my ass off in here. Yeah, well, you have to. You want to keep your job. That's part of the fucking job description.

But not too loud. All right, relax. Shut your hole. That's part of the fucking job description. But not too loud. All right, relax. Shut your hole. I like that shot.

It's like Michael at his desk. Tom, you're out. Not a wartime concierge. That's lost on both the twinks. They haven't done their movie homework yet. So Hillary says it's the GOP that's incivil, uncivil, uncivilized, however you want to put it. She's stoking the flames, even though

all the violence, all the fucking violence. I've yet to see a clip on the internet which scours the earth, by the way. I've yet to see five white guys with MAGA hats surrounding anybody and fucking burning a car with an Obama or a Hillary sticker on it. Yet to see that.

Somebody send it to me. I'll put it up on the air real soon, you lying fuckstains. Here's a little montage of who the incivil ones are, or the uncivil ones. Just a little montage. About about 12 seconds let's take a look shall we i i just don't even know why that's at the inauguration of trump

and if you see anybody in that cabinet in a restaurant in a department store at a gasoline station you get out and you create a crowd and you push back on them. And you tell them they're not welcome anymore, anywhere. Do something about your dad's immigration practices, you feckless c**t. What's Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? One way you get rid of Trump is a crashing economy. So please, bring on the recession. When was the last time an actor assassinated the president? economy so please bring on the recession that was Madonna you meant blowing the

White House didn't you you come guzzler blowing up the way so blowing the White House Johnny Depp says when's the last time an actor threatened to assassinate a person? When's the last time you made a movie that made any money, you fucking heroin addict, girl abuser? Let's go to Joan in Manhattan. I'm guessing Manhattan is in New York, not Manhattan, Kansas. We love women on the show, by the way. We don't get enough of them.

The ones we do get are very, very sexy. They can make a good sandwich. Joan, your thoughts on Hillary? First of all, you are on fire tonight and congrats on the red sock oh thank you honey first of all every time Hillary comes on

I have to mute my TV because I can't stand her I mean I just cannot stand her and would it be un-PC-like? Because I really want to do this on Twitter. I really just want to say, is it all right if we shoot all those Democrat leaders too? Because right now they're inciting violence. They're saying, go ahead, go out and beat all the Republicans. I mean, is it okay for us to say the same thing? I mean, I know okay for us to say the same thing?

I mean, I know it's not PC. You can't say go out and shoot someone. But, you know, I kind of want to. Well, you can't, Joan. You can't say it on this show. But you can go on Twitter, say whatever you want, and they might boot you or whatever. But it's not even about PC and non-PC.

It's about even being slightly conservative. You're going to get, you know, you get, I wished Barbara Streisand would die in her sleep and they booted me off Twitter for a couple of days. And, you know, so you can, I would like for you to do that and then report back to the show what happened to your account and we'll see. But yeah, that's, you're not going to get any fair play from, from Twitter. Let me ask you, John, what part of Manhattan? I love we have a woman calling from New York City that hates Hillary's guts.

You must be hiding behind a dumpster in the Lower East Side. I'm actually on the Upper East Side, but I do hide. You are correct, sir. I love you, John. John, you better call back to this show. Absolutely, I will. All right, see ya. See that? That's a smart New York lady.

See how she got off? Folks, you see how she got to her point and made it pithy and then got right off? And I love the fact we just proved there are women in New York City that fucking hate the thick-ankled dog face and a rapey husband with his rapey eyes. How long before Avenatti is defending Bill Clinton again? Why don't we go back and open up those cases?

Juanita Broderick still has DNA from Bill Clinton's back under her nails 40 years later. That's how deep she dug, Ryan. So we showed you a little montage. And there's one other clip also I want to show you. There was a protest in Portland. Where else? Portland makes New York City look fucking like Nebraska as far as politics goes. But there was a right, I guess some right-wing group was at some part, you know, somewhere in Portland.

And the usual goon showed up from Antifa. The George Soros back, you know, the philanthropist, George Soros. Anyways, a bunch of Antifa goons showed up from Antifa, the George Soros back, you know, the philanthropist, George Soros. Anyways, a bunch of Antifa goons showed up. And this is a clip where a Bernie supporter, who was there also to protest the right wingers, he actually ends up being injured. This is how fucking violent the left is. Somebody from Antifa, Antifa. Oh my God. violent the left is. Somebody from Antifa. Antifa? Oh my God, did I just show my Boston room? Antifa. Somebody from Antifa smashed him in the head. Somebody else said Robin Williams butchered the Boston accent in, uh, what was the movie with Matt Damon and, you know, what I'm talking about. Good Will Hunting. He kept saying Boston, and nobody says Boston from Boston.

It's Boston. But here's a Bernie supporter with an American flag. He's on the side of Antifa, basically. I mean, he's there to protest the same people Antifa is, and this is what happens to him. Hey!

Take on the flag! This is Bernie Black! what happens to him. The guy that does it has a helmet on and a face mask and walks away like a pussy. Guy's, kid's bleeding from his head. Okay, that's good. You get the idea. Libs attacking libs. You're fucking losing. He's there protesting the same people that guy that hit him is protesting.

That's how violent and fucking immature and retarded they are. And he was bleeding from his head. I mean, this is tremendous. I'm going to take one more call, and we have a little palate cleanser that I'm going to put up. Everybody always asks me my favorite comic, you know, who influenced me and shit. And I, Robert Klein, and everybody's surprised to hear that because they only know him from the old Robert Klein,

Robert Klein, and everybody's surprised to hear that because they only know him from the old Robert Klein, is funny. He's, I got him right up there. Norm MacDonald's up there, Colin Quinn, Attell, Louie, Billy Burr. But as far as past influences, Robert Klein just makes me laugh. And anyways, we got a few clips of him.

We'll pop in. We'll sprinkle him in during the show here to see. But let me go to my friend Mark in Albany real quick. We have a bunch of calls. Mark, how are you? I'm fantastic, Nick. How are you? Good.

If you could pick up the pace. I just want to say congratulations. Yes, I'm sorry. How are you? Good. If you could pick up the pace. I just want to say congratulations. Yes, I'm sorry. Congrats for the Red Sox. Thank you. Good luck. I mean, I'm not a big baseball fan, but, you know, I love it.

I'm a Maple Leaf fan, by the way. It comes to hockey. That's beside the point. And Kavanaugh is in. Once the blue wave not gonna happen right away it's coming in they're all those fucking cocksuckers i've seen nobody standing with the fucking posters like you know on the intersections yeah that trump is a traitor what the fuck did he betrayed i don't know but one thing i know they're getting very very, very fucking drastic. And I spoke with my son, which is an ex-Marine. I said, you know, his name is Patrick.

I said, Patrick, what are we going to do when those assholes are going to stop coming in with the bike chains and try to, you know, break our windows? And he said, we already. I mean, he said, like, his friends, ex-military guys, they're observing all these things. Yes. Not being un these things. Yes. Not being unnoticed. Right. And they are getting ready for any kind of bullshit because they're not going to put up with this shit. So am I.

All right. And that's what I want to say, Nick. All right, Mark. Great show, as usual. Thank you, brother. Love to hear from you. He grew up in Poland under communist regime. He's seen this shit.

And he said his son's an ex-marine which he's not an ex-marine once a marine always a marine my dad's still a marine um uh but uh yeah they won't put up with that shit you know who else the bikers the harley davidson folks will show up hey look if it turns into a civil war we have all the guns we have all the guns chuck schumer will be hiding in a gun-free zone as we fucking blow holes in them. I'm not condoning, I'm saying, you know, fake holes. I'm all for the, the, the bowler rap that, uh, Bo Dietl was promoting. You shoot a string and it wraps around them. You don't shoot them with real bullets. That's, but if you're going to shoot

Republican Steve Gillespie with real bullets, then you're going to get real fucking bullets. That's all I'm saying. I'm trying to be reasonable here. Trying to bring some reason to this world. But the thick-ankled dog face still out there stirring it up. My aching stem. God, will she die in her sleep tonight. Please, our Father who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done as she dies in Chappaqua. Give us her day, her daily bread, butted with cream cheese and fucking heavy cream to keep those thick ankles. Amen. Wow, the phones are lit up.

Something tells me the show's catching on. Other than I added six, seven hundred Twitter followers in the last eight or nine days. But something's telling me. Something is up. Know what I'm saying? You can dump Adam from Michigan because I have no interest in talking about what he's asking. So anyways,

let me straight my glasses. Let's go to Paul in Kansas. Paul, welcome to the show. Hey, Nick, big fan. Thanks a lot for your time tonight. tonight hey why is it okay to harass people

in public nothing irritates me more than these fucking cunts yelling at our elected officials in restaurants and harassment because they lost they gotta they gotta resort to this and didn't the dog face ankle bitch, didn't her husband rape some girl with a cigar in the Oval Office? Thanks, Nick. I'm a big fan. Speaking the truth. God bless. Thanks, Paul. I love the heart. That's

the heartland. Let me answer those questions, number one. You can't civil I'll play devil's advocate here about harassing your... It's one of the beauties of our country. But there's a fine line between civil disobedience, harassment. Do you know what I'm saying? You can yell, the beauty of this country is you can yell at the people

who govern you without ending up in prison or shot the next day. That I do like about it. However, I just don't see it on the right. I don't see a bunch of Republicans circling Chuck Schumer when he's sitting shiver or whatever that means. Whatever. I don't see them, you know, when Chuck Schumer was at the dollar store with his family picking up some goods, I don't see him being surrounded. I'd like to see it.

But picture, just imagine if it was conservatives surrounding liberals, uh, Gillibrand, Christine Gillibrand, whatever her name, imagine a bunch of guys surround her in a department store and yell shame and fuck? Think about it. It would be on NBC, CBS. Somebody get Ryan away from the fucking buttons, Jason, please. Jesus, Ryan, what are you doing? Do you want to keep this

fucking job? I want to kill myself right now. Yeah. You don't have to. I'll do it for you. I'll snap that little pencil neck into three. Get him away from the buttons, will you? It's like Chuck E. Cheese in there tonight. Yeah. Anyways, I was making a good point. You just fucking interrupted my train of thought, you cheesy dick. I was talking about fashion in the fall, what you should wear. Can you imagine though? I just want you to picture a conservative shooting shooting a democrat on a baseball and five other democrats are you fuck we'd still be talking about it

we'd be still talking about it on the mainstream media and on social media. It would never go away. Think about that for a second. A fucking left-wing nut shot. He asked if they were Republicans on the baseball field and shot five of them. And it went away after about a month, that story. Seriously, think about that. I want you to think about that. And the thick-ankled dog face is out there saying that it's the GOP and Trump's fault. We can get back to civility once the Democrats take the House. Why don't you go back to your house, the dog house, and gnaw on that pork shoulder,

you cheese eater. Motherless fuck, I want to punch her in her two bellies. Same goes for her fucking faggoty husband. Oh, I'm fucking furious. We're living in two different worlds. Only one of the worlds is real.

That would be the people on the right. How do you feel for me? I got half my foot in show business. That means I have dog shit on one shoe. Jesus Christ, I'm a genius, honest to God. So we got a super chat from YouTube. Okay. Jason Ramirez says,

Are we really supposed to believe the polls after 2016? Love the show. Go Astros. Jason, you were doing so well, Jason Ramirez. Are you related to the Ramirez that had Kavanaugh's dick in her face? Remember that phony batch? He makes a great point. I brought it up yesterday. Are we really supposed to believe any of it?

That's a great point, Jason. I'm sorry you made it in Spanish. Now listen, as far as the Astros go, let me tell you something. I am in awe of the Astros. I watched a couple of the games the last few days, and they are doing what they did last. That goddamn George Stringer, he turns into Babe Ruth come playoff time.

El Tuve and scary pitching, both starters and bullpen. It's going to be a monumental task, but you know what? The Sox are up to it this year. There's too much magic happening. There's just too much magic happening with the Sox. So, that's my answer. But you know what? I can't wait.

We get a rematch. It's like two boxers. Dickie Ward and Arturo Gotti. Fight number two. Don't forget this, Jason. You've got to come through Boston, by the way. We have home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

Why? Because we had the best record in baseball by a mile. Although the Astros won 100, too. So I can't wait. My dick is half hard. But maybe I'll take some bluechew.com and get... See that? I stuck your... I plugged you again, kids.

We need a break. This has been a little heavy-handed. People ask me if my comedy influences, and honest to God, when I'm cooking on stage, when I'm cranking, I slip into this guy's cadence. He's a Bronx boy. I'm cooking on stage, when I'm cranking, I slip into this guy's cadence. He's a Bronx boy.

I'm from the Boston area. But I used to see him on Letterman and drooled over him. And I absolutely, when I'm cranking on stage, I find myself taking over his cadence. I love his hyperbole, his use of sarcasm. And he lives not far from here. He's an old guy now, but he was, I think he might have been the first guy to do an HBO special. Here is one of my favorites, the great Robert Klein. Let's

sprinkle him in. Although I had a kielbasa sausage. Pause it. This is from 1986. He did something on, this is on Broadway. Can you start it again? I just talked over his first line. I'm sorry, fellas. That's on me. Not quite on Broadway. Can you start it again? I just talked over his first line. I'm sorry, fellas.

That's on me. Not quite that far. There you go. Although I had a kielbasa sausage in the Pittsburgh airport, there's going to be a lawsuit over. You know those signs that say, please be patient. Good food takes time to prepare in a fine restaurant. You know, this one, please be patient.

Allow the full 11 seconds for the microwave oven to cook this kielbasa and to assure that you and all future generations will be mutations for 160. that they can cook that thing in 11 seconds i don't want it in my house although after the chernobyl accident i knew that I was assured The Russians showed Ukrainian dancers the next day Right near the plant Full costume Didn't see these submachine guns Just out of range

Keep dancing It's hard to get union dancers for that particular shoot Into the arm and personnel. Gary, they tried to choreograph it in those asbestos suits. Actually, we were very sentimental about it. That night, the most important guest on Ted Koppel's late night was a commodities broker. We said, well, those sons of bitches are going to need

wheat that don't glow. And we got it. Oh, I love him. And I was influenced by him not even realizing it. I mean, that was, that's funny. And it's so, it was socially relevant at the time because of the Chernobyl accident and stuff. He's got this, you know, Robert Klein, he punches the punchline. And just go on, you know, online and look up his appearances on Letterman in the 80s and stuff. Guy makes me belly. Even his stuff now, he's old now. You know, doesn't have the fastball, but he's still throwing about 89, 90. And he tickles my funny bone.

And, and it's funny when people ask me my influence, I always bring up, you know, uh, George Carlin and prior and, and, uh, even Jay Leno is a standup and, uh, and, and I, you know, but he, when I'm on stage and I'm cranking, I fall into his cadence. I was like, and it's like a vaudeville delivery. And, and I don't know, I just, I'm on stage and I'm cranking, I fall into his cadence. I sing, and it's like a vaudeville delivery. And I don't know. I just, I'm so tempted. I've driven by his house a couple of times. He's like 10 minutes from here.

I want to just knock on the door and thank him, but then I could get shot. I don't know. All right, back to the news. Back to some more civil, civil behavior from the left. Here we go. I had this yesterday. I didn't get to it. Man suspects a truck firebombed.

His truck was firebombed over Donald Trump bumper stickers. A Vancouver guy says his truck was torched because of Trump bumper stickers. The Vancouver Washington resident found his vehicle set on fire outside the garage bar and grill. After he left the truck in the bar's parking lot the night before guys names him with mckay mckay told the media he felt over served the night before he felt over served that's kind of wow so you were the victim of some generous

pouring by a bar why don't you just say i get fucked up beyond all man changing my changing my tune on this guy but he was drunk is what he's saying the night before and he had taken an uber home where he was raped by a haitian on bath salts what no it's a joke uh but when he returned the next day to retrieve his vehicle he found it destroyed not only was this truck burned to ruination but it was also spray painted with anti-trump slogans that kind of tips off the cops to the motivation of these suspects. The truck owner said he did not vote for Trump in 2016, but does support him now that he is in office.

This is him. I literally just put the bumper stickers on this week, and he said of the, you know. So here he is talking on the news, and here's his truck. They just need to relax. They need to, you know, the world's not going to stop turning because somebody's in office that you don't like. McKay is hoping this cell phone video,

coupled with the bar's surveillance video, will lead investigators to the suspect. Hey, Hillary, who are the uncivil ones? Put down the corn on the cob and the peach cobbler and the birthday cake and the lasagna and the fucking heavy cream. Who has a problem with civility? What side?

Somebody show me a clip of a Obama car being blown to shreds within the last eight years. Anybody? No? Who's violent? Who's nuts?

Anyways. Oh, I see Priscilla is in the... I see Priscilla in the booth. What happened? Somebody spilled some chicken soup in that motherfucker? Anyways. What do you think about that? How about the fact...

I didn't even mention. How about me getting punched in the face, I didn't even mention, how about me getting punched in the face, sucker punched by a bipolar woman, a yeast infection in sandals, who didn't like my politics, I didn't even bring that up, all right, let's move on, shut that door, all right, very fleshy today, today what happens you need two boxes of saltines right before the show uh rand paul was staying on the um the civility of the left i say sarcastically rand paul the headline there will be an assassination if the left doesn't ratchet down the rhetoric. You are correct, sir.

Senator Rand Paul called for Democrats to tamp down the anti-Trump rhetoric before one of the supporters resorts to violence. You're a little late, Rand. I mean, this guy has his ribs broken six months ago. Paul said on Wednesday, the bitter fight over Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation has made him increasingly concerned. This is his quote. There is going to be an assassination if this doesn't ratchet down.

The other side needs to really calm the fuck now. Calm the rhetoric down, is what he said. You are correct, sir. But it's not just him. It's his wife. it's not just him. It's his wife. Paul's wife, Kelly,

told Breitbart News that she sleeps with a loaded gun at her bedside. She updated her home security system and has deadbolts all around my house. Sleeps with a gun. How's that working out? We have a clip of them, I think. A camera in their bedroom.

They just need to relax. They need to... I don't have to worry about getting fucking whacked on the street. I gotta fucking come home. I'm going to fucking come home for this. Relax, Ryan. That's what happens when you have a gun in the bedroom.

If you're lucky. Ryan, do you have like really huge fingers that hit the other buttons? Why exactly do you fuck up every time I ask for a clip? I'm trying to be patient here. You're talking about Rand Paul. I thought you wanted the other one. That's why I had to switch around and... All right.

No, that's fair, actually. I should have called for the Rand first, right? I'm actually going to give you that one. How about that? All right. You don't get to stick your head in my septic tank later. Oh, thank God God not again. Go ahead.

Play Rand Paul's clip. Go ahead. You are right. Getting up in someone's face really kind of does sound like you want them to get nose to nose with them. And the problem is, is rational people might back down. But what's going to happen when the guy comes with a gun to a rally or comes with a knife to a rally? There is going to be an assassination if this doesn't ratchet down. And I think the other side needs to really calm the rhetoric down.

I mean, they tried to assassinate Scalise. That was an assassination attempt. We talked about it for a couple of weeks and it went away. Can you fucking imagine if Nancy Pelosi got hit with a fucking bullet in her fat ass. We wouldn't talk about it because it wouldn't penetrate. Nick, why do you have to demean women? Because my president does, and I'm right with him.

JFK demeaned fucking women. Bill Clinton did. They all have. They're powerful men. Henry Kissinger said in his Jew voice, the most powerful actually he didn't say powerful

the strongest is power women love it you really think Rick Ocasek of the cars could have fucked a supermodel you ever see him he looks like the back end of a fucking Labrador retriever

while it's dumping. He fucked a supermodel his whole life. Why? Well, that's rich and famous. Yes, some power. I had a theory about that on one of my albums. I can't remember which one. 1966, I think.

By the way, I don't play, I don't watch the clip um april showers anymore and i'm dead fucking serious there's something evil about that song that it sticks in your head i almost started crying seriously i watched it about 10 nights ago and i couldn't get out of my head people were talking to me about business i'm on the phone and I kept seeing fucking Wayne Newton. And I couldn't get out of my head. I went to bed at night and it was still in my head. Breakfast. It was on

a loop. It's creepy. I don't know who wrote it. I want it investigated. Let's go to Corey in Green Bay. Corey, welcome to the show. How are you? Doing pretty good, Nick. Thank you. I've just had enough of all these lefties and Democrats constantly projecting everything

that they're doing and then somehow holding the moral ground over you in the media somehow, when clearly everything every other day, there's a new new protest, Antifa, new attacks from lefties. And then they get on television. They're like, well, Dylann Roof. You have to remember. I know. I know. I know remember I know it's like I know I know Charlottesville I know first of all I love what you just said I heard those two examples yesterday Corey

fucking they go to Dylann Roof a mass murderer like first of all I don't know how many years ago they have to go to that that's what they have to go to

and the Charlottesville thing was the fucking psycho Klansman or whoever who had nothing to do with fucking people who vote Republican. These motherfuckers that are chasing Ted Cruz out of a restaurant with his wife. They fucking work in the government. They actually work in the government.

Exactly. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ. Exactly. Sit around and fucking just punch me in the face. You sit around, you go punch me in the face you sit around you go punch me in the face and then you're gonna look at me and look at my family be like well he punched me in the face so i'm gonna contact his employee i didn't fucking touch you bitch you're the one that came at me you're the one i haven't done anything there's no fucking they constantly reference things and all they come

back to are those two cases yeah nothing else in the meantime every day we're seeing portland attacks yeah yeah sanctuary cities yeah immigrants fucking i mean yeah no i'm gonna punch out nick i hope you have a good all right cory good one bro uh absolutely they point to dylan rove the white kid that shut up the black church what does that got to do with fucking politics? They point to psychotic. What does that got to do with politics? He didn't yell out, you Democrat motherfuckers. He was a racist. Same with the Charlottesville guy. Guy probably couldn't even find a voting booth. And then God damn,

and none of that shit would take traction. It would never get any traction unless you had a complicit media involved, which the Democrats do the mainstream media if you follow paul it's a propaganda arm of the fucking democrat party and if you don't know that by now or if you don't fucking agree with that you're just being uh intellectually dishonest and i'm gonna tell you to kiss my grits how's that for strong language? But I heard that yesterday, too.

They brought up Dylann Roof and Don Lemon, that fucking goo gobbler on CNN, snapping it every time he has a guess on who fucking pushes back. Why don't you go live out your real dream to fucking be in The Wiz or fucking The Mouse That Roared, one of those plays. The ones that Ryan did in high school. He's so good at. I love acting.

Why don't you act like a fucking producer and not hit the buttons? But you did have a point on the last one, fella. And I forgot about the the thing. I can't see.

I don't know. I wish you luck with your business as long as that doesn't interfere with my conflict. It makes no difference to me how you make a living. Whether you're selling hats at neckdip.com or cutting his grass. As long as it doesn't conflict with mine. So, enjoy your cake.

Enjoy. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy your cake. Enjoy. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. Pauline? The Tin Man wanted a heart and the Lion wanted courage. What did the Straw Man want? He wanted the Tin Man to notice him. When the citizens of China want a drink of water,

they always do something to it first. What? Remove the shirts. All right, let's go to my buddy, one of my comedy influences. This is Robert Clines from the same special, 1986, as the Broadway. He did it on Broadway.

He was talking about crime or something here. Very funny. I was saying about crime and cheating and people's attitude, although partly, you know, a lot of people don't realize we lock people up, heavier sentences in the Western world. Don't think people aren't going to jail. It's a disparity of punishment for things that don't count or things that do. 50 states or you smoke a joint in Texas, consecutive life sentences, no chance of parole or visitors. Commit murder in Rhode Island, you can't watch TV three nights.

I have a way, the jails are so full there, I have a suggestion. But first there's an interesting one in Florida, did you see that? People serve prison time at home, have to stay in the house 12 hours a day. They have a radioactive bracelet on their leg. They try to walk out at the wrong hour. This man is a fugitive! This man is a fugitive! Call the police! Call the police! This man is...

This man is... This man is... This man is... This man is... It was a general morality thing. I was at a urinal at TWA. It's important to the story. I'm usually not vulgar, but I do pee. So, you know, it's... And it happens to be a time that I'm spending by myself.

It's creative sometimes. It's 20 seconds and boom. You know, idle time. I frankly feel by myself. It's creative sometimes. It's 20 seconds and boom, you know, idle time. I frankly, I feel a little silly about, but occasionally if there's a cigarette butt in the urinal, I will aim for it and pretend it's a Nazi installation. My own little head gang, you know. I'm afraid the photos from Bitburg were poor, sir. We're going to have to hit it again. All right, go to it. Just try to separate the filter.

Anyway. Please, forget it. Guy comes up along the urinal and he goes, hey man, you want to buy a watch? you know, I mean, first of all sleaze, I don't want to buy a watch in a men's room at TWA in Los Angeles and I'm furious

what is it, stolen? he goes, I'll make you think that, man nice stuff, he thought he was in West Side Story this guy do you want a watch? do you want I love him. Love fucking Robert Klein. That's my... Jace, go ahead.

I didn't have anything to say, but I will say I can definitely hear the influence. Can you really? The rhythm. It's the cadence, right? It's definitely the cadence. But I saw you laughing your ass off. Yeah, that was hilarious.

You weren't probably familiar with Robert, right? Never heard of him. Dude, go online and just... I mean, he was a pioneer, you are probably familiar with Robert, right? Too much. Never heard of him. Dude, go online and just, I mean, he, he was a pioneer, you know, he was like, uh, the first sort of, uh, they looked at him as a, you know, intellectual or whatever, but, um, he wore the patches on his, he wore a blazer with patches, like a college professor, but he, he was very hip in the late seventies and he was like the breakthrough guy. And, uh, he's from the Bronx, you know, Bronx, you know. And he's written a great book. The Amorous Busboy of Decatur Avenue.

That's what it's called. And it doesn't even mention his show. But it's about him growing up and being a lifeguard at a pool. Up in, you know, wherever. What's the place? The Catskills or whatever. And he saved a kid and the kid was a rotten prick.

I mean, the book, I just fucking love him. I'm going to go knock on his door and tell him. I actually worked with him once. He hosted a show like on Comedy Central or VH1 for five minutes.

And we shot it at Gotham Comedy Club and it was new. He was the host. but i'm a right winger he's a fucking guy you know he's a he grew up in the 60s the lib you know a jewish guy from new york so he probably hated he actually commented on one of my bits when after i did my bit he went up and he said some sarcastic thing about but uh that's why i never really approached him and and uh but uh absolutely love his comedy google him on letterman in the 80s he does a bit about babe ruth throwing like a girl you know and they show the you'll show those old

clips of babe ruth running like this guy uh he just got chlamydia he goes he just got vd the night before him from two whores and uh uh you know but i slip into his rhythm when i'm on stage not as material his rhythm and but but i stage. Not his material, his rhythm. But I like him because, like I said, he's not totally political, and I'll get back to that. I don't do it. I'm not totally political. I try to walk that line.

You got to give him a little... But you have to be... You stick your head in a comedy room, and if you watch a comic, and I've said this many times on the show, if you don't know what year it is, if their act is not telling you what year it is, they're not fucking, they're not doing the job, in my opinion, folks, now, Karen Topp will say, fuck the year, I just glued a fucking toilet seat

to a football helmet and a light bulb, and I'm making six million dollars a week, so I don't want to hear about it, and you know what, I like him too. Scott Thompson, his real name. Met him on Tough Crowd. Now he looks a lot like Michelle Wolf, who I like also. Hater politics. Whatever. Anyhow.

What else? Robert Klein too. Oh, here's something that'll surprise the shit out of you they did a study the media research center that is mrc um tv's trump coverage hits 92 negative you heard me but For this report, MRC analysts reviewed all 1,007 evening news stories, that's 1,960 minutes of airtime, about the Trump administration on ABC, CBS, and NBC from June 1 to September 30th, tallying the coverage of each topic and all evaluative comments made by anchors, reporters,

and nonpartisan sources, such as voters and experts. 92% negative. This microphone, I beat your brains out with it because that's what you deserve. That's what you deserve. The results show that over the past four months, nearly two-thirds of evening news coverage of the Trump president has been focused on just five main topics. The Russia investigation, immigration policy, the Kavanaugh nomination, North Korea diplomacy, and U.S. relations with Russia. The network's coverage of all those

topics has been highly negative, while bright spots for the administration, such as the booming economy, received extremely little coverage, less than 1% of the four-month total. Are you... Do you see? It's not that Fox News is right-wing or I'm right-wing. We're grounded in the real world. These are fucking numbers. These are figures. Figures don't lie,

and liars don't figure. Thank you very much, my yearbook quote in 1973. But do you see what I'm saying? So they actually had the gall to call it a conservative media. When Obama was in office, the right-wing media. You got Fox News, which isn't even right-wing. There's like a couple people who outwardly hate Trump.

I am tired. I am... Let me just give you a few more stats to back up. Once again, the ongoing Russia investigation received more evening news coverage, 342 minutes, than any other individual topic. Un-fucking-believable. You are fake news, sir. Since the beginning of the Trump administration,

the three networks have spent 1,975 minutes, nearly 33 hours, on the Russia investigation on nearly 18% of all their coverage of the Trump presidency. All of that coverage has been negative. Somebody's watching this shit,

and yet we do nothing about it. And again, I implore you, go to CBS Studios, look them up, NBC, ABC. Get in civil with them. Somebody toss a fucking egg

at, I don't even know who hosts the, who watches the network news anymore anyways. Not millennials like us once again once again ryan bringing that 76 mile an hour fastball nick i would never be able to reach the plate that's true the network's coverage of trump's immigration policy has been fiercely negative since the first days of his administration. That trend continued this summer as the networks churned out 308 minutes

of mostly, that's 94% negative coverage, the administration's immigration policy from June to September. 94% negative about immigration. Remember they were showing babies being separated from their families and then they showed a clip remember of kids laying in cages and the clip turned out to be what from the obama years yeah lion motherless fucks each and every one of you people involved in the mainstream media cnn and you know what?

CNN, this is how you know they're full of shit. They're number one on internet as far as clicks and shit. Because that's what it's about for them. They stoke up the shit on TV, right? And you go to the internet, which is the social media is left-wing anyways. And people click on it because CNN is saying shit they want. They're beating Fox and everybody else on internet clicks. And because that's where the money is.

Again, it's about advertising. Louis C.K. explained that to me a few weeks ago, actually. And it's really true. He was telling me how an Apple store, they have stores now that you, you know, you walk down the sidewalk on Main Street and you'll see like an Apple store or whatever. It's not a real store. Like you can't go in and buy shit it's it's like a real-time advertisement for you to go home and click on and i googled sure enough he was right

that's why i'm setting up the nick dipolo podcast fake booth erin us we're're all CGI in here. CGI. That's right. I don't know what that means. Computer generated something. What's the eye for? Image.

Oh, boy. I'm like, that's even needed, right? Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Excuse me. I'm sitting on a pillow like a Michael J. Fox. The mic stand, I can't help it. It's 12 inches, trying to get a shorter one, excuse me, shall I continue, I don't want to bore you with

any more statistics, you get the idea, how fucking, but they do, they, but this should be all over, in the perfect world, right, this would be on facebook uh zuckerberg will be on tv talking about this with oprah going this really is a problem the fucking the right has been right about this this uh media slant forever and then the twinks would come on and give their say yeah go ahead let's say we we have another super chat from jason ramirez he responded jason toronto baltimore and tampa yeah that's a tough division and it's springer not stringer you We have another super chat from Jason Ramirez. He responded. Jason. Toronto, Baltimore, and Tampa. Yeah, that's a tough division. And it's Springer, not Stringer, you titless wonder.

Yeah, well, I said the name incorrectly on purpose. This is how young Ramirez is. I did the same thing that the first President Bush would do when he was talking about Saddam Hussein. He'd call him Saddam Hussein. So that was intentional. Secondly, you titless fuck, the Yankees had 100 wins. What are you talking about? We'll see you in the playoffs, Jason.

Now you're really getting under my skin, fella. What's that got to do with it? Who'd you beat, Cleveland? Ooh! How many wins did Cleveland have? As many as the Yankees? Ooh. How many wins did Cleveland have? As many as the Yankees? No.

You're right about Baltimore. They're not even a fucking farm team. Who else is in Houston's division? I could fucking pull somebody out. Oakland, the Angels. Yeah, not bad. Whatever. Yeah, we'll let our bats do the talking.

Oakland's all right. Oakland's good. Oakland has that fucking third lowest payroll. You know, Billy Ball and whatnot. Mariners, too. I forgot about them. But I'll also say, yes, they were real strong. I'll also say this to Jason Ramirez.

At least all the people at Fenway speak English. We don't see any sombreros or fucking, we don't sell enchiladas at the fucking vending stand. Nick, why are you going to bring that into it? Because it's fun. Jason realizes how embarrassed he's going to be when the Sox fucking ream those mothers. But Houston does have a rich,

Houston does have a rich winning tradition. It goes back to April of fucking 2017. Where's your Ted Williams? You did have Nolan Ryan in for a while, who I love, by the way. I like you. I like good baseball. That's why I like George Stringer.

And Al Tuve. He's a good one. And Caminiti. Anyways. I'm just going to give you one more statistic on this, how left-wing and goo-gobbling these people are. After Brett Kavanaugh was announced the night of the 9th,

the network, that's when we started the show, the networks gave us a nomination relatively little airtime, from July 10th through September 6th. The three evening newscasts together spent a mere 32 minutes on Kavanaugh confirmation battle. They went back to shitting on Trump.

Is the point. Excuse me. Cigarettes. One more statistic. They have a picture of Andrea Mitchell who has the skin of James Edward Olmos. If he fucked a pineapple and had a baby.

The evening newscast spent 179 minutes on the administration's diplomacy with North Korea. Much of it focused on the June 12th summit between Trump and Kim Jong-un. In a one-week period from June 9th to June 15th, the network spent a combined 96 minutes on North Korea, or more than half of the total for the four months that the MRC examined.

The network spent 151 minutes on the Trump administration's approach to Russia. Virtually all of it, 99% negative. So I don't want to hear about it. The fix is in. The fix is in and you know it. Let's end it tonight, folks, with a little more of my boy.

Again, Robert Klein, 1986, live on Broadway, I think was the name of it. I'm not sure, but this guy is one of my favorites. His wife is in such great shape. We were interviewed on CBS News a few years ago and she told Diane Sawyer, yes, I treat my body like a temple, you know. I get high on life, you know, goody two-shoes. No, I mean, it's true. I treat my body like a pool hall.

but it is my body and she read that book eat to win that Martina read and all that you know I read the companion book eat to come in 54th she has a large picture in the cover of the new Haagen-Dazs vanilla ice cream on a stick dipped in Belgian chocolate you ever want to go into the movie like the Louis Pasteur story? We saw it with Paul Mewdy the other night and people were so ignorant in medicine then. Monsieur Pasteur, your theory about washing your hands before surgical operations is ridiculous. Is the patient ready yet? Nonsense, monsieur. I've delivered many babies.

Never. Because now, today, the lawyers are allowed to advertise. It's endless. It used to be taboo. Now it's, hello, are you injured? Do you know someone who's injured? Search yourself carefully. You sure you're not injured? You want to be injured? Do you injured? You want to be injured?

You know someone who wants to be injured. Ah, Robert, God bless you. A pioneer. Fucking love him. Love him. And he's still so smart. He could be on any talk show. You know, he's always takes pride in staying

up with the times and well-read and definitely influenced my... That is it, folks. Thank you again. And don't forget to go to the store at nickdip.com for, you know... What are the codes again? I don't have them in front of me. I throw everything on the floor as I read them. Jason, go ahead, read it.

Alright, for Facebook listeners, it's Facebook 20 and YouTube listeners it's YouTube 20 I couldn't remember that 20% off merchandise and all that stuff, correct? so do that, will ya? Ryan, did that you really fucking hyper, aren't ya?

you gotta chill out, dude don't make me fucking pin you down and shoot heroin at your skinny chest. All right. That is it. Remember, you guys think it, I will say it. I'll see you patrons tomorrow. And remember, we're going to do a show on Friday for you, too. Because Monday and Tuesday, I'm doing a web series. Gotta learn my lines.

All right. Take care of yourselves. Here's a little something for the ending ¶¶ ¶¶ We'll see you next time. you