The Nick DiPaolo Show - Tragedy At LaGuardia! | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1869

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

In today's episode, Nick talks about ICE To Rescue TSA, Trump Being Honest About Our True Enemies, Canadian Flight Crashes Into Firetruck, Cam Skattebo's Got Jokes and Iceland's War On Dads! The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/ RUMBLE PREMIUM MEMBERS-KOREAN CHICKEN WING EPISODE OF NICK'S BITCHIN KITCHEN: https://rumble.com/v6s4vkl-nbk-korean-fried-chicken-nick-di-paolo-show-1721.html

It's freedom, baby. Yeah. Hi. Hi. How you doing, folks? Did you miss me? I missed you fuckers. I masturbated to all of you's.

Except for the fat guy in Arkansas. You know who I'm talking about? I don't either. Good to be with you. Welcome to the live lineup where you get the Stu McGillagutty show, Soupy Sales and Carrotop's sister has a new show called Fuck Me. Live lineup.

All those shows. Louder with Crowder. By the way, I'll be doing that. like the second week at April, I think, coming up. Can't wait. Love to go out there. I have a blast with the... His old man's funny, too.

Darren, the guy played hockey. He got like a scholarship. He's kind of a... He's like my age. Maybe a year or too younger than me. But he's a funny fuck. He still got it. And I have a good time out there.

Latter or a crowd or all those other shows. If you want those ad free, sign up for Rumble Premium. And so follow my channel. Download the Rumble app. Today I'll be talking about... Once again, ice to the rescue. As you know, if you've been following the news over the weekend, Trump deployed them to the airports because the Democrats won't find the fucking, you know what, and TSA, people

haven't been getting paid and all that other horseshit and causing nightmare. I gotta be honest with you, I'm so glad it just worked out this way that I haven't been fucking doing stand-up right now. Seeing these airport, and let me tell you, I still have to go to Dallas when I do Crowder show, and that's a major hub that, you know, hopefully it'll calm down. by then, but I am, I'm seeing the shit at LaGuardia and me and my wife are going, can you imagine if we still fucking live there? And Newark and Kennedy, three hour waits.

And I just, on my life, if somebody said, you know, I just, I look at that shit, I go, I can't believe I did it. I can't believe I've lived in Westchester County, almost an hour north of fucking the city. And with fucking, fucking, my poor, wife would have to bring me to, you know, LaGuardia or to friggin' Kennedy a couple times a month. I can't believe I did it. I can't believe I commuted into the city to do my radio show at rush hour. When you, ignorance is bliss.

Is that what they say? You think, you know, that's the beauty of you. You're dumb. When you look back to you go, how did I do that? But at the time, you thought it was important. And it kind of was. It fed my wife and kept her alive. But, you know.

Anyways, I used to rescue. Trump, Robert Mueller died and Trump became even more of a god to me with what his reply to Mueller's death. Apparently the whole, the left and the right got upset at his candor.

But I have my take on that. I might talk about it for four minutes. I might talk about it for 44 minutes. Because when I heard it, it anyways, we got Canadian do you see the fucking air can. landed a plane, LaGuardia.

Was it LaGuardia? I think so. Fucking hits a fire truck. Who's in the tower? I'm guessing it's still fallout from Biden and his D-I-A shit. D-I-E, a K-U-P-R-S. Those fucks.

You know, the midgets they were hiring and the black lady with one leg in the wheelchair with a parakeet, all that shit. Cam Scataboo, you know who that is? He's that running back for the Giants who had a great rookie year for them. He's a stocky little fire plug and he loves

to run over people tough his fucking nails. He had something to say about CTE and other ailments that NFL players suffer from. He had a great take on that and because we live in a country that is humorless he gets in trouble for that. I said to Dallas today after seeing what's going on in the world and the fire.

I'm getting off. I'm getting out of this party at the right time. I'm getting off the Ferris wheel. However you want to word it. The fat girl. that's about it so I haven't seen you a long time real quick before I forget somebody I guess we'd be getting a lot of requests

for that Korean spicy sweet and spicy Korean chicken wing recipe and I forgot to put the link up my wife asked me a few times for the link I will give you that today when I get home again if I can find my way home fucking

guys when I'm look at me When I tell you, I slept average, I'd say I was happy to get four. I'm doing all my sleep from like, it doesn't matter what time I go to bed. I can go to bed at 12.30. I'm trying not to do the 2.30 shit anymore. So I'm in bed by one. But if I, and I fall asleep after about an hour. And then I wake up about two hours later.

My mistake is having the phone next to me. I know you guys. You can't fucking do. What am I supposed to do? Fucking play with Legos? I can't even yank it anymore. I'm too exactly. exhausted fucking yank elbow I'm having Tommy John my fucking right yeah so I'll get

that out to fucking the other mistake I've made is learning how to cook bread Dallas fuck I forgot I was gonna bring you what a mistake that is let me tell you folks it's like it's like the pizza oven like I said it's like you know if it's like being a crackhead and having your deal of living in the house with you. But the fucking Pete, the artisan bread? I'll never buy bread again. Andy's like, fucking freaking out. You got to make it again.

You got to make it again. And I stayed away from bread because I'm a bitch for years because I want to look good. For who? I don't know. Me. I look in the mirror. I want to look good for me. It's how vain I am. But now I'm eating bread like the first time I've ever had it. And it's way too fucking easy. Anyhow. What else?

Oh yeah, so this is what I did on my vacation. Me and Andy had already planned to go to Florida. We had the hotel booked. I got a sister and brother-in-law in Venice, Florida, and I have my brother and his wife down in Naples. We were going to hit Venice and then travel on to like St. Petersburg, which has a nice beach, and hang out there for a few days and maybe go down in Naples. That was the plan.

Andy did all the fucking planning. I've got used all my points, like my travel points. points, right? It was only about 750 million of them. I don't know how the fuck she'd die. I can't even do that. I can't even understand. She's trying to explain it to me. I'm like, she's on the phone for, I'd rather pay. I act like I'm a billionaire time as money. I don't have that kind of fucking though, but that's how I am. Even if it costs me an extra thousand, it doesn't mean talking to anybody. So anyway, it was literally like 350,000 travel point, whatever to fuck. for me traveling all over the country. And we wake up Sunday that we're going to leave on Sunday. And when I wake up, I slept maybe three, three and a half hours. And I'm laying there going, I can't do this.

I'm going to have to break her heart. I think it was our anniversary, too. That was the whole play. It was either me and her or another broad. What? So she comes in my room and she looks like she's half dead. I go, what the fuck happened? She slept like less than I did that night.

And I go, when you'll be mad, she goes, if we didn't go anywhere, I'm fine with it. My dick got so hard, but I told her to leave the room. I took care of myself. So that's what all people do. We plan, we tell people we're going somewhere. And you know what, folks, I couldn't have been happy. It was actually productive. I was telling Dallas, started writing that book I've been yapping about.

I wrote about Well Because I'm you know Don't know what I'm doing on the computer You know the sentences are this long The margins are like one eighth So sentences a mile and a half So one page translates

I even had the formula for two About two pages of an average book page And I must have done 20 So I'm about probably 40 pages Book wise The pages are like this And it was just flowing. One night, I started at like 10 at night, and I couldn't, you know, I go, fuck it.

It's three in the morning and it's still pouring out of me. I'm just, not all of it, funny. Some of it, I was reading it to Quinn. He was dying, Colin Quinn. I was writing, the first thing I started on was that incestuous family that lived across the street for me, two families that were related. The theory was that they were incestuous. They were mentally ill either way. And we know the guy that lived in a shack that he built with his own hands living with his daughter. We know for a fact that was an insestuous thing. She told us. I haven't even got to that yet.

So you guys, I was just, I was, I didn't have to make some of this funny. Just telling you what they did and how they looked. And I was telling Colin Quinn years ago. It had to be 20 years ago at the comedy song. He doesn't laugh at Mike. He was shitting his pants. He even reminded me. He goes, you got to put it in the part about the guy playing the trumpet.

I go, oh, yeah, the woman Elsie, she used to come out in a negligee. I mean, the scariest look woman you ever seen. I'm ruining the book for you, but I said, every abortion she ever had, every cigarette, every drink, every, it was represented by lines of her face. Gracie black hair, she had a face like the Indian from cuckoo's nest. And she'd stand there in like a negligent on hot summer night. She'd come out. The house was covered in pine trees, so you couldn't really see her.

You could have to look through. And she would sing the national anthem at dusk. And the worst fucking voice you had ever heard. Dallas is from Alabama. He's going, what the fuck? Oh, my God. No, it's so true. My street otherwise was a middle-class white suburban street.

Well-kept. There weren't that many houses. It was sparsely. populated my street, and especially when my grandparents, they were the first one on the street. And houses got built as I was growing up, down the street and shit. But these people had been there after my grandparents built their house, a few years after these people showed up. And anyways, that's what I wrote about. And I haven't even finished it because shit kept coming to me about these people.

And Carla reminded me that the husband played the trumpet, which I completely forgot about. It's the fucking craziest shit you guys have ever heard. I'll give you one. Here's one of the funniest things part of it. Maybe I told us on the show. Me and my dad, my dad was a good guy. My dad had to put up with these people growing up and shit. My own man was a Marine, so he's a gentleman sometimes,

unless I did anything wrong. And he was a fucking Navy seal on meth. But anyways, he felt bad for these people. And, you know, he hated him because they were an eyesore right across the street, rolling the neighborhood from us. My father gives them a recliner that we weren't using anymore. It was still in good condition. And George came over.

George was a guy fucking, I did the math. I looked up his obituary. He died in 2011. So he was 18 years older to me. So when I was 12, he was like 30. But he had the mind of a 14-year-old kid. He'd hang out with us. Smoking Marlboros, no teeth in the front.

Fucking leather jacket. We let him play street hockey once. We were all scared shit that he was going to murder us. I can't make this fucking shit. Anyways, we gave them a reclining. That was like on a Tuesday. That following weekend or the week after.

It was a week or two weeks. I can't remember. Meet my minute. It's a Sunday. I'm helping my dad in the garden. He's tying up tomato plants. I look up and I see the old lady, Mrs. Melvin, standing on the porch with their fucking Boog-Powell, Frank Howard forearms, Joe

paternal glasses, just staring. So I go to my father hey i think we're being watched my father looks up and she goes what are you looking at monkey to me she must have thought we were black i'm not saying that race is black i'm just saying to she probably thought we were you know because we were tan or tan what are you looking at monkey so i start to stand i go didn't you just give my father so i start to stand up and go fuck yeah and my father goes no, no, no, no, no. He'd be like, grabbed my army. He goes, don't, don't, don't, don't get started. Just fucking.

He goes, then he under his breath, he goes, fucking crazy. You know what the fuck you do. We fucking, and we use that, fuck. So anyways, that's one of the stories. Then a cab would pull up every once in a while, like twice a year. A yellow cab would pull up in front of their fucking hillbilly house. And I'm not making this up. The cab driver will get.

out and carry a guy in from the backseat with no legs and then carry in like these two wooden legs and we still to this day don't know what part of the family he was or who but my dad got the low down that he was a drunk and passed out on the train tracks in Beverly Mass which is right the town next city next to mine and that's enough so yeah I wrote 30 40 pages I you know and like I said. And I was reading him to Colin. He's going, that's flowing nicely. You're describing. I go, yeah, that's how I think. That's how I write jokes. It's all descriptive. But then yesterday, I was writing for like four hours and I read it. It was like more descriptions than funny. I'm like, what the fuck? Oh, you got to rewrite it. Oh, do I? Is that how this works? I'll get this out

when I'm 97. You fucks. Anyways. What else? Didn't go to Florida. Neck, back. Off. I must be arthritis. Finally, my wife. I was. Finally, my wife. I was My wife's been bugging me for two weeks to go to this fucking Asian place where she gets a back, deep tissue rub, whatever the fuck. I finally give in. Of course, I got to get Johnny. I'm hoping it'll be a little Vietnamese girl or some shit. Yeah, Johnny, okay? I guess so.

There's nobody else here to fucking rubbing. I got a fucking Chinese or Korean. I don't know what. And one hour, and he, I mean, did his job. It was amazing. Well, he was doing it. It was fucking amazing. I left there.

My neck was killing me. back was killing me. I just I said to my wife I gotta be honest with you I said unless somebody's gonna finish me off with a hand job that fucking waste she didn't like that she goes it's really it gives me such relief I go me too you talking about the hand job you fucking asshole you know all my friends in New York City they lived in those joints this wasn't one of those joints I gotta find a legitimate one anyways I couldn't get like at this point fucking cock wouldn't even get up for that hey Johnny want to give it a tuck yeah so my neck

fucking back was still killing me. That's why I'm going, it must be arthritis. It must be bone related. Because he fucking, you know, he did everything you could do. Does that to your feet at the end? He gives you a karate chop on the bottom. And he could speak no English. I asked Andy, do they even speak English?

Fucking guy. He went, Mao. How'd he spoke any fucking English? This was a waste of money. And Louis texts me in the middle. the night. I go, where are you? Airport in Bangkok. That guy, Annie sends me pictures

of sketches. Now he's painting and shit. He sketched the guys, the comics that were opening from. I've never seen a guy live life like that motherfucker. I am, he's the only guy that makes me feel jealous about laying on the couch. He's the only guy. And he's the best comic to

ever fucking do it. You guys probably disagree. I go on the internet and I'm watching these young comics. And I'm not talking about the Mark Norman or the Joe. Liss or Sam Morels. There's some great young talent out there. I'm not talking about that. There's a generation

already after them who worked, they work the audience. At least that's what they put up for clips. And they call that good stand-up. There's this handsome kid, Matt Rife, who I haven't seen enough of him to judge him either way. I saw enough to know. He's got a good sense of humor, you know? The girls love

him because he's really good looking and shit. And I see a clip of him, you know, talking to a table and getting laughs that I could do in my sleep. And then there's all these comments. He's the best at work in the crowd. Do you understand that's a prerequisite for being a comedian? That's not what you do.

I mean, if it comes up, you do. You know what I mean? If you can't do that, be funny off the cuff to a table of people. Then, first of all, you shouldn't be a comic. Because even people, a lot of people who think they could do what we'd do for living, even they could do that. I mean, if they have a slight sense of humor. But now this is like, oh, that was so genius.

Really? There was nothing stinging or mean about it. It was like fucking, I don't get it. I don't get it. I know I'm sounding like the old guy, but I'm just saying, I like clever written, you know, George Carlin, fucking Pryor. David Tell, Louis. You know, you're writing out, clever jokes and shit.

And that stuff. Or even better than that is coming out and there's only a few guys who can do this when your act isn't working and you can be funny off the cuff. And I'm not talking about, hey, what do you do for a living? I'm talking about, you know, actually stand in there and being funny without the audience involvement. You get the difference because people don't know the difference. It's a whole new game. It makes me not want to go out there anymore. Either that or I want to go out and put a three-out.

out, a special out where I sit there fucking work in the audience. Because it is second nature to me. And anybody who's got a sense of humor. All right, enough of the fucking chit-chat, as Christopher said. Let's get to it, I guess. See, I yapped so much this thing. What the fuck? Who made this piece of shit?

China. Huh? No, yeah. Yeah. Oh, you're full-made in China. What was Jonathan Katz had a great joke. He's a really dry You remember Dr. Katz?

He was an animated psychiatrist on the show on Comedy Central. Brilliant, funny guy. Now, he's got that mess real bad. But he had a joke where he goes, this is when all the Sony was coming out with Walk Men's and shit every week, right?

So right in the middle of that, he goes, oh, I read something very interesting in the paper. You know the old saying? You can lead a horse to watch. but you can't make him drink. Well, now you can. Look, those Japanese. Shit like that would hardly get a laugh in Boston,

because the rest of us are up there fucking, you know, letting it fly. I mean, he was brilliantly dry and funny. I mean, people love them. Don't get me wrong, but I'm just saying he didn't get the do from live audience. And he should have. I had a terrible Freudian slip the other night.

I was sitting there having dinner with my dad. And what I meant to say was past the peas, please. came out with you ruined my childhood you cogg sucker I'll give you one more Jonathan Katz I'm recently divorced and and I realized after being married so long I lost all my my single bachelor instincts I have you know very hard for me to pick up women now and I set a party the other night and this beautiful starlet came up to me and said I'm Jonathan my my husband's out of town and I was wondering if you could give me a ride back to my place and I said well

Well, if you knew he was going to be out of town, you should have made plans ahead of time as far as transportation goes. Jonathan Cairns. Let's get to ICE rescue. ICE officers will be deployed to airports to help clear. They have been, actually. The horrendous security lines for the TSA, which ran out of funding more than a month ago because Democrat cock suckers, you know, they're shut down. The move is meant to speed up security lines, which have stretched up to three hours at some airports as TSA. agents walk off the job or call out sick because they haven't been paid in weeks.

And you can't really blame them for that. Can you? Excuse me. Just look at this video and this made me so happy that I, the only airports I've been to is from Savannah to Dallas and Beck. Even that, I'm getting nervous now. Not just because of that, because of threats that ISIS is. What the fuck needs is? As Jonathan Katz again, April mentioned, said,

I don't want to die in the name of a big top fund. Check out these lines, folks. Fucking New York. And this isn't fast motion. I'm getting a pit in my stomach. These people, I know what they're doing. They're trying to find the end of the line so they can get in line. That happened to me in Philly once.

I can't even remember if it was weather-related, but I was like, you've got to be sucking it. Nick, why don't you want to do stand-up anymore? Look, it goes around. It's not even, it's banging a fucking Ui. My God. On Monday, ICE will be going to airports, that's today, to help our wonderful TSA agents must be a Trump, our wonderful TSA agents who have stayed on the job despite the fact the radical left Democrat. I love this.

And I'm glad that he points it out every chance because the rest of the media does it, who are only focused on protecting hardline criminals who have entered our country illegally, are endangering the USA by holding back the money that was long ago agreed to with signs, and sealed contracts and all. Trump wrote that on Truth Social. Borazar, Tommy Holman, will be in charge of the operation, the president said.

Holman, he must be hitting the, you know what, Osempic. Holman said during an interview on CNN State of the Union Sunday, he doesn't envision ICE agents doing the jobs of TSA screeners, but rather handling other aspects of airport security.

Well, what would that be? I mean, if they, TSA guys that watch the machines and shit aren't there. Somebody has to do that. So they have to be doing a little of that, no? Or maybe Trump's thinking, well, look, they have guns and shit. I don't even know if they do, right? They can just walk you through and just hope you don't have anything in your shoes and shit.

But Dallas told me right before we went on the air that he was reading, there are already people already harassing the ICE agents at the airport. Let me tell you motherfuckers. And again, it's not you people. watching because I know you, if you like me, you like my politics, we vote the same. But deliver a message to your fucking scumbag communist friends. Fuck you and everything you believe in. If you vote Democrat, I don't want to fucking know you.

I've said that a few times. I didn't used to say that because it's not about politics anymore. It's about either like in this country or fucking hating it. I don't know what you think is out there that's better than this. What, wet dream, utopian, what dream you guys have? But I don't get it. Roughly 50,000 TSA agents have been working without pay amid the shutdown, which is entering its 36th of the day.

Take this job and shove it. Good Lord. And here's why I love Elon Musk. Elon over the weekend goes, I'll pay for the, I'll pay for their salary. That guy's the fucking best, man. And I like what Trump did. Trump's like, I love it. I love because he keeps, this makes a Democrat.

It doesn't matter, though. I guess Republicans think it doesn't matter. I mean, they think we'll make the Dems look bad. Apparently it doesn't matter to half this country, or it's all rigged, like I said. It's already decided that we're going to get crushed in the midterms, which isn't necessarily true because of what's going on Iran. We're about to take Cuba.

We're taking Carga Island. In your response, you people who vote Democrat are like, oh, my God, he's a dictator. He wants to run the world. You guys haven't seen a real fucking leader in your whole life. That's your problem. And you're scared of it. It threat, fucking Hakeem Jeffries, you fucking,

you person of color. Telling Trump to fucking watch his shut his reckless mouth. I want to run into that fucker. But I don't hang out of gay bars of Manhattan. You fucking goo goobbler. Akeem Jeffries, you fucking quat. I have a list. Jerry Nadler.

You're going to die. I assume just, I can tell them. You're pallor, you're getting fat again. You just, you've never lived, you're probably eating Chuck Schumer's fucking raw burgers. Fucking asshole. Real quick, merchandise. Buy some shit if you want to keep the show going.

Get a nice hat for yourself. You can cross out the DePaulo logo and draw a big dick on it and say hi. Fuck. Support the show, head to nickdip.com for merch. We get hats, hoodies, t-shirts. Wear it and piss off the right people. Know what I'm saying? yo, yo, yo, yo. Also, if you want to send a personalized video to someone, I'll say what you're

thinking so you don't have to. Book it at shoutout.us or us. I don't know. Anyways, let's move on to my favorite story. I could talk about it before minutes or 40. I don't know. As you may or may not know, Bill Mueller. Is that his first name? Bill. Dallas just quietly goes, Robert. Yes, Robert Mueller, you know, the jerkoff, who in the end, cleared Trump because, you know, because it was all a hoax. The whole Russian hoax thing to me is still that did more damage to this country as far as separating us. And this guy was in on it. This guy, I know he was a decorated Vietnam vet, all that shit. I don't give a fuck.

I don't care. You can do all that shit. God bless you and thank you for doing it. But when you're done with that and you become the head of the FBI and become a dirty ball player, all that's canceled for me. Sorry. Sorry, you wrist your neck. You got, whatever. I'm glad you did it.

Thank you. But now you're a fucking scumbat. Well, anyways, he died. And, well, don't take it from me. I'll show you a lady on the news saying. New tonight, former FBI director, Robert Mueller, has died at the age of 81. Yes. And how did Trump feel about that, do we know?

In a post on truth on truth social tonight, President Trump reacted to Mueller's death by writing, quote, Robert Mueller just died. Good. I'm glad he said he could no longer hurt innocent people. Oh, I'm sorry, man. I'm not sorry. I have, I'm a kindred spirit. This guy, we're soulmates, I wish he was abroad. My wife would understand.

People are going nuts on the left and the right. Even some people on the right are going. That was on call for unnecessary. Fuck you and everything you believe in. First of all, if it was you and you were the president and Mullah did that to you, you're going to tell me you'd still feel the same way or you'd keep your mouth shut?

Maybe you would. Well, that's presidential. Who says what's presidential? What's presidential to me? is him being one of us. And here's the bigger point. You people that were bothered by that, you don't have to say stuff like that,

that's why he's hated. Let me tell you something. You can say all that shit. I don't ever want to hear you again going, all politicians are full of shit. They're all phonies. Because you can't handle one that isn't. I fucking love that he said that.

That fucker, he subpoenaed, I don't know how many, 40 people. He fucking put his family, Trump's family through the ringer. Remember all that shit? Do you remember it, folks? That's a problem with this country. You have zero fucking retention as far as, you know,

politics goes. You forget what you heard yesterday. I fucking love him for saying. And my mother would fucking hate it. Of course, most mothers. Even my dad would say, ah, you don't have to fucking bullshit. I live by a different code.

And I'm like, I said this on stage. I think you were filming one that night. I go, I'm just like him. I go, my parents always said to me, you know what your problem is you can't let anything slide. And I go, why the fuck should I? Another words are saying, this is my code. Let something slide.

That means somebody's trying to pull something over on me. And my buddy Zuck, that's why he was my closest friend. He lived by the same fucking code. And I said to him, if I'm at a food court, and I see a 12-year-old girl staring at me, I'll go over and go, what the fuck's your problem? And Trump would too. Well, that makes you a dick.

Oh, good. Makes me, me, and makes you you. I don't eat anybody's shit. I try not to. I take pride in that. And I think if you're born with a sense of justice or it's instilled in you

by your dad, you would think that way too. I mean, think what he had to go through because of Mueller. Fuck him. And I fucking love that he said it. Oh, that's not presidential.

Who the fuck? You know what's presidential? What comes? out of the mouth of the guy that's sitting in the chair at that time. And that happens to be my flavor. Right there. That's my flavor. Fuck him for what he did to me and put my family through. He could have said nothing. That's the other one. If you don't have anything nice to say, I'd be a mute. I'd need a signer. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it, I'd be fucking Charlie Chaplin. Silent show. I'm the other way. You have something

shitty to say, don't hold it in. It's going to kill you in the long run. Heath Mayo, founder of principles first, added, what a sick human being, a permanent disfiguring scar on the dignity of our nation. Oh, is that right, jerk off who's done nothing in your life? It's not playing.

You can't handle the truth. Is that right? On the dignity of our nation, but letting 10 million illegals in from third world, who are raping, killing girls, killing American citizens and shit, you're putting them up in hotel. That's dignity to you, right?

Suck a dick and die. The rest of your fucking rat family. Democrats also waited to denounce Trump for spitting on Mueller's grave. Oh, did they? Did they really? That was a surprise.

Dan Goldman, a congressman from New York, posted that the president of the United States disgustingly celebrates Mueller's death simply because he exposed Trump's efforts to steal the 20, 16.11. You wonder why people are anti-Semitic, you fuck. I defend Jewish people in Israel all the time,

but you fucking make me wonder if I'm in the wrong camp. Mullah and Trump represent polar opposites of what a public servant should be. Yet you're right. Actually, you're right. Mala turned into a fucking dirty cop. And Trump's trying to save the country

from a dirty presidency that preceded him. and hates this country and somehow is hell bent on turning into a third world Marxist shithole. I don't fucking get it. Who gives a fuck what you think? Yeah, Dan.

Adam Schiff, we're still listening to what he has to say? Speaking of Russian hoax, remember him? I have tangible evidence that he's an agent. You remember that? Look at his fucking puppet head. Oh, it just reminds me of I was watching the family guy last night. And they were doing a take on it.

The show was about, Vietnam. So they're having a flashback to the 70s when the soldiers came back from Nam and everybody was wearing those leisure suits or I even had the fucking the collar, the dress shirts or the collar open and they were real pointy. So what's the guy's name? Peter, Griffin, him and his friends walk into a nightclub. It's supposed to be the 70s and their collars are slicing people's heads off. And before I forget, there was a line on there last night that made me, it was a different episode that somebody bought one of the those, you know, Alexa things that you talk to in your house.

And they're asking it all intelligent. And of course, Peter Griffin comes in and goes, hey, Alexa, what is the biggest dump anybody's taken? You know? That was his question. And the thing goes, it's a woman's voice. The biggest power movement ever was in 1998 at an Arby's in Memphis, Tennessee, taken by Aretha Franklin. Oh my God. Oh my fucking word. They get me with one. There's always one. King of Queens, I was always, I had never really watched it. People said it was pretty good. And like my sister, I'd go, what do you fucking know? I said, I seen the commercials. It's another fat, dumb husband. And I was fucking wrong. The writing was and the one that got me, he was doing impressions in his kitchen and Carrie wasn't getting any of

them. This is too before your time. There was a show called What's Happening. And he goes into a fucking, there was a black girl and they used to go, ooh, you're in trouble now, Ron? It just, it made me laugh so fucking hard that I started watching the show and now I fucking watch it on a loop because I know some of the writers,

some of them are stand-ups and really funny guys. Anyways, this chew bag pencil neck fucking, he observed, every day this president shows his basic indecency and unfitness for all. I'm living in a fucking twilight. Can you imagine him

having the balls to say that about something that he was integral in spreading a lie about and he can show his face so that's where i lay in bed maybe this is what's keeping me up going does he really believe what he says or does he know he's part of a you you can't be that delusional you can't believe you can't there's no way we can see the world that differently it just have to be a a corrupt human being god is he got a face i'd like to fucking just shit on. After I eat at Arby's of Memphis, apparently. Andy Kim wrote, I think he had a great song in the 70s about a van or something.

Look at, look at those little girl's hands. Look at. A communist, take my thumb. That is one ugly fucking zipperhead. Let me tell you. Ouch. Andy Kim, a senator for New Jersey, wrote, What a small and spiteful man.

Okay, okay, grown man with a six-year-old. girl's hands. How about this? Trump says this to you, Mr. Kim. And David Axelrod, when are we going to stop listening to this fucking Jackoff, who brought us literally a cancer into the White House and into this country with Barack Hussein Obama, who's still fooling everybody with his charming shit, smiling shit. And this cocksucker help get him elected. And he's the one who was behind the hoaxes and recording Trump when he was transitioning into the, and all that other shit. I mean, if this is all true, again, this is why I still do the show, because I don't know.

I don't know, but it sure feels like a mosaic. Somebody's painting, writing a movie script. We're all just the players. Axorrod, who was the scene advised into Obama added. This post from At Potus is thoroughly despicable, totally predictable, totally predictable, and utterly authentic. Well, you got that right. Something you'll, he says it like it's an insult. Piece of shit.

Cocksucker. Excuse me. Remember I had to go to that funeral up in Connecticut? It went to me when we drove up there. One of the old guys was there and somebody said, you ever listen to the next podcast? He goes, yes, I can't handle that dirty talk. I said, get in the box.

Anyways, saying people who didn't say shit when Charlie Kirk was murdered, right? Charlie Kirk was murdered. Do you remember them dancing on the streets? I don't remember. I don't remember pencil neck. coming out or Goldman or all those other shitheads going. There's no reason to celebrate the murder of, you didn't say shit, a lot of you.

You didn't say boo. So fuck yourself. Just got a five-star rating on Cameo. That'll project me to. Aren't you glad Hollywood's dead? With the Oscars, they were on while we were over the break, right? What are you talking about? You love those movies.

Anyways, nobody watched it, is my point. It's even lower than, but every year they set a new record. Can you get the hint? You're out there jerking each other off for just propaganda. Anyways, Trump, Uber accurate with this statement. I'm the one who said it probably even before him. I said it to Dallas.

You guys tell me, I think I said it on the show a couple weeks ago. I said, I think the Democrat Party in this country is the only thing that's standing between us and complete world peace. Because we're taking can, by taking care of Iran, we're sticking our thumb in China's eye and Russia's eye at the same time and you know what I'm saying we can handle the rest of them

but it's this fucking this criminal organization otherwise known as a Democrat Party that is standing in the way of all you need to know about them and any time you if you have any arguments with political arguments with friends yours on the other side just go

you're against voter ID that's all I'm going to say it's all I'm going to say That's all I need to say. Maybe he's watching the show, Mr. Trump. I said it to Dallas. Like I said, I know I said it in a text of Gutfeld. About the Democrats being the only scumbat.

This is what Trump said a year ago, by the way. A video here. Oh, I'll read this. Now with the death of Iran, the greatest enemy America has is the radical left. Highly incompetent Democrat Party. Thank you for your attention to this matter. And this is what he said a year ago.

We have two enemies. We have the outside enemy, and then we have the enemy from within. And the enemy from within, in my opinion, is more dangerous in China, Russia, and all these countries. Because if you have a smart president, he can handle them pretty easily. I got along with all. I handled them. But the thing that's tougher to handle these lunatics that we have inside. I argue with that.

I don't understand. You want me to believe half the, and again, it's not half the country. This country's way more closer to conservative, a leaning right than it is far left. But that fucking Hakeem Jeffries, that stupid, zero-eye cube fucking bag.

His eyes are like half-mask because he's high as a kite. AOC, who couldn't find her own district on a fucking map. Wasted tits. She's got a mustache. These are truly dumb fucking people. And I hate them. I don't know if you picked up on that.

Yeah. They are the problem. Let's get to some light news of plane crash that killed two pilots. Shut it. Hey. Holy shit, I had my thing way up. Oh, Canada. Heart pounding audio captured.

No, it didn't. Captured the moments after. Another fucking lie. Heart pounding audio captured the frantic moments. Okay, before. No, not before. after Sunday's fatal collision involving an Air Canada passenger plane and a firefighting truck. You mean a fire truck?

Firefighting truck. Ask Dallas how he feels about fire trucks with their sirens going. Dice Clay did a whole bit on it. He stumbles into funny, Dice once in a while, and that one cracked me up. Anyways, at LaGuardia Airport, by the way, with one air traffic controller admitting after, and I quote, he said, we messed up or I messed up. I can't remember what the exact quote was. What the hell's going on out here?

Air traffic controllers urged an incoming plane to go around as the crash unfolded on the ground, killing the Jets pilot and co-pilot. According to live ATC audio, the truck was cleared to cross the airport's runway four before air traffic controllers urged a front airplane bound for Miami and the vehicle to stop. Here's the audio. And, yeah, it's like, maybe they're right. Maybe it was right before it happened. Go ahead.

Truck one and company, Vorty Tower, requesting to cross four at Delta. Truck one and company cross for a Delta. Truck one and company crossing four at Delta. Frontier 4195 to stop there, please. Stop, truck one, stop. Stop truck one, stop. Oh, my God. Is it a runway close?

Right, a 2,000 go around 026. The runway four is closed, correct? What are I at Home Depot? All the confusion? Did you say aisle two, three, five? What the fuck? I heard him tell the, you know what, it sounded like he told the plane to start first. But then he said the truck.

And somebody didn't pick up on it. I don't know. But at the, go ahead. Frontier 41.95. I got the word that we're going to be close for a little while. If you weren't prepared to return to the ramp, let me know. Yeah, we got stuff in progress. for that man that was that wasn't good to watch what do you is shrink i'm gonna stab you through the

heart with a fucking pencil do you understand me no boy he said it in a resigned tone um can you imagine though now i'm sure the left's gonna jump all over this which they can't because of all the fucking chaos going out of the airport it's your fault so you might want to keep your mouth shut on this uh not to mention all the DEI hires that they have of the towers i'm sure those people haven't been flushed out of the system completely yet. Look at that. Two guys go, and I think about this,

I'm sure you're all doing you fly. Maybe you don't. Maybe you're very confident. I think about it every time for the last 30 years. And I said that Dallas before the show, you're a pilot, you know, you can't have a bad day. You can't even have a slightly bad day. There's no room. You know?

You should be working at, you know, McDonald's or Wendy's where you can fuck up and get a promotion. Look at that. Two guys went to work, kissed their wives or whatever. I don't know what their family situation was. And one of the flyers in the article said that they saved our lives. I guess they threw it into reverse thrust as quick as they could or whatever. But this shit can't happen at a fucking, I mean, air traffic controllers told the frontier crew that the runway would be closed asking if they would like to

return to the ramp. Sources told the post that the pilot and co-pilot were killed. And pictures showed the CRJ 900 plane tilting up in the air. The plane which had 72 passages and four crew members on board was traveling about 24 miles per hour. That's it. But it's a fucking jet. It's a fucking big, heavy.

When it collided with the truck, which was responding to an emergency involving a another plane. Pilots on that, the guy said, though, that's not going to hold up in court. I mean, he's like, I messed up. What's that like, too? Maybe at that point, he doesn't even know that these guys are dead probably. But can you imagine you find out within minutes? Pilots on the other flight had reported an odor in the cabin that caused the flight attendants to feel ill, and it turned out it was Whoopi Goldberg wearing a short skirt with no panties. Officials told ABC News that 11 passengers on the Air Canada plane and two first responders were hospitalized.

Moments before the smash, United 2384 pilots, aborted a takeoff due to an anti-ice warning light on the dash. LaGuardia Airport has been closed until 2 p.m. And the NTSB officials are set to arrive on site today. Yeah? I know. I mean, you don't know. You could have been filming in Canada.

picked up a gig at the funny bone and loose jaw. I mean moose jaw. It's just, I think about those pilots all the time. And I always hear this when I'm getting on a plane. I had to do a chapter on this. I always hear this in my voice. You can't win them all. I always hear that when I'm getting on a plane

because you have to win them all if you're the pilot. In your 30-year career, every day you have to win them all. sorry and life you usually don't I don't we should be it's amazing that we have as little fatalities as we do let's move on and this is lighter cam the ham New York Giants running back Cam Scatabo

do you remember who he played for now Arizona or somebody like that I forget I don't even know if it was a division one yeah it was anyways he was a killer he'd run over people He's a stocky little tough as nails running back. Had a good year, too, his rookie year.

Arizona State, yeah. Has apologized for what he now admits were, and again, it says in quotes, tasteless jokes about asthma and chronic traumatic encephalopathy, which is CTE, folks. The 24-year-old going into his second season in the NFL appeared on the Bring the Juice podcast back on March 12 when he was asked about CTE injuries. Of course, ESPN reported this.

Asked whether he felt CTE was a real injury. Scataboo said this. Pretty kind of taken off like, okay. Run through a month first place. Yeah, exactly. You think CTE is a real thing? No. It's an excuse.

I think asthma's an excuse too. Yeah. Is that a hot take? No. That's a good take. That's valid. Yes, Asma's fake.

Is there anything worse than when you're in fourth grade someone's huffing and puffing? You're just soft. Yeah, just literally. Be better. He was being dry. Even I picked up on it. I'm a comic.

I'm an expert of shit. And I had asthma, by the way, as a kid. So fuck you, scataboo. I used to almost die from that shit. I had to go get shots every Tuesday. Like six shots of my arms. stained my teeth, shrunk my cock, my ass got big. I couldn't even wear a skirt.

David Teller has a joke like that. He goes, that's the last thing I want to hear a girl do and you take your underwear off. Oh. Anyways, but after days after blowback from humorless Americans because the country's been feminized and you take everything literally, Scataboo reverse course and posted an apology for his comment on X on March 21st. He said, I recently did an interview and had a lapse in judgment.

No, you didn't, dude. I'm backing you. which resulted in me making a tasteless joke about CTE and asthma. It was never my intention to downplay the seriousness of head injuries or asthma. And I believe him. He was being, again, sometimes you have to leave comedy to the pros. I sincerely apologize to anyone that was offended by my remarks. And I assure you that I'll be more mindful and respectful going forward.

He wrote concluding with fuck off. I mean, much love. A look at the interview video seems to show. show that Scataboo and the podcast hosts, and I agree with the statement by the guy who wrote the column, were engaging in dry humor. The player's mother, Scataboo's mom, also jumped to social media to reveal that she has asthma

and her son was engaging in humor and sarcasm on the podcast. So there's one woman who does have a sense of humor in asthma. Turns out she had CTE too. She was drafted by the Ravens, I think, in the early 90s. She's a 400-pound black woman. Did I tell you that? If only people, this is the mom talking. If only people knew how many times Cam had to run and get mom's inhaler,

she's either, well, okay, the fucking mother now. The mother's too young for me. It's over, Johnny. It's not over. They realized sarcasm. Becky Scataboo. That's right, Becky. You'll never, it's a fucking looks like a sister.

You'll never make. everyone happy and you'll never say all the right things and people are bound to spend something sooner or later in a direction it was never intended to go. Just right on the fucking money. Gotta love her. Football fan, Giants hat. I know she's defending her son, but she's absolutely right with that, in my opinion. Finally tonight on your sister's fucking hammer toe. Dad deprived of being a good dad. We'll have a few more stories since I yab so much. we'll keep a few

a few foot tomorrow a devastated father where am I yeah dad being deprived a devastated father in Iceland says he was stripped of his parental rights

after being after speaking out against his 11 year old autistic son's sex change a case that has drawn international attention including from billionaire

Elon Musk as he accuses remember Musk has a trans kid as he accuses but he also who has 42 kids.

As he accuses the courts of prioritizing progressive ideology, this is what the father said, over a parent's right to protect their child. Alexandra, I mean, Alexandra Roca, a French national who has lived in Iceland for 25 years, lost custody to the child's mother in December and told Fox News he believes the judge ruled against him because he questioned the long-term impacts of people. puberty blockers in hormone therapies. I mean, that's all I need to know about the story. To know it's his kid, he's a guy, and some judge, what are the odds that judge conservative? None. Some liberal douche, I don't care, male-female, Ivy League whore who thinks he's a progressive

and is all for mutilating kids because, you know, it's science. It should be a crime, Roker said of the medical interventions, you are molesting kids castrating a boy like in the case of my kid. This shouldn't happen. This is an ideology that has no place for kids. He argued that his 10-year-old whose worldview is shaped by, he said, video games like Minecraft and Roblox could not comprehend the permanent consequences of sex reassignment. How do you argue with that statement? The kid's still playing Minecraft and should, although there's adults in this country that play You understand? But the kids, he's going to make a decision about something like that.

Here is the dad. He's kind of hard to understand because he's a French living in Iceland. Iceland sounds like a cold place to live. Maybe it's just the name. I don't know. But here's Mr. Roker talking about the loss. And his wife, the wife he's divorcing is obviously a fucking left-wing progressive douche who buys into all this.

What was discussed with an endocrinologist specialist in Iceland. Thank you, Mr. Gerbilt. She guaranteed that today this drug's had a good problem, even though I raised that question and I asked, you know, if you will be okay to be unblockers at such a young age and also in the future, hormone therapy, because that stays for life. And actually that specialist under oath totally dismissed me. I wasn't given the option of showing any other professional experts. Pod.

So he couldn't bring an expert to testify on his behalf, but they could. How's that fucking fair? So now you're getting an expert who, you know, believes in this shit with a judge who believes in it, you know, not a stacked situation or anything. Because there are doctors, by the way, who have changed their minds about this. There are actually people who have enough dignity to go, I was wrong. This is harmful. Because now it's been around a while and we see the effects.

Back to Mr. Goebbels. Gerbils? Not just that, but. Kibbles. Because the judges didn't look further. I think I'm here for my kid and for the future of my kid. But the only thing I care. Good.

Can you imagine? I don't understand the world we're living in. You're divorcing a woman, and she's encouraging what was your son to become a girl. That's when, don't be, and that's when, you know, you go, oh, no, a guy murdered his wife. I guess Garden City has a lot of crime. We hear a lot of sirens out here. By the way, it's like 80 today. It's beautiful.

The wife went to that. Dallas will know. What's the cemetery? Everybody goes to. Bonaventure. It really is. She brought back a video. I was going to play it today,

but it was too gay, too many flowers. No, it might be the most beautiful place. I want to be buried there. You got to be famous and shit? I don't know. I'll do a few minutes at the fucking high hop. I've never seen. more beautiful. You wouldn't even know it's a cemetery, folks. There's flowers upon flowers. It's

insane. I was too friggin tired. She wanted me to, I couldn't. I couldn't get off the fucking couch. I'm pretty sure I have Lou Gehrig's. Anyways, he noted that children on the autism spectrum often struggle with feeling right in their skin. This is the dad talking or wanting to be something else, adding that his child sometimes prefers to be a cat wearing a tail over. cat ears. Some people would call him a pussy, but he says a cat. Oh, what? That's the picture they put up.

The kids get the... Now, cut out of the medical decision-making process, the father said he fears what treatment his son may be receiving without his friggin knowledge. How in God's name is that even fear? You know what I mean? I don't know nothing about that. It could very well be that he is being treated with hormones,

and I don't know anything about it. Roker added that the child's mother is pushing a stronger ideology than ever, saying he had to use advanced artificial intelligence. That would be AI program, GPD, to understand terms like dead name, which refers to a person's birth name before sex change. Yeah, because he's a guy, he's got shit to do. He's busy, but the mother knows all those terms, you know. And by the way, you know what else is bad about this? Because these things get very ugly, even when a kid's not, when it's not a time. trans situation.

And the mother, they'll do anything out of spite sometimes, including this to their kid. I mean, that's well known. And guys have done horrible shit, like killing their, you know.

I'm just saying the emotions get to that point. And you wonder how much that plays into ruining this kid's life. Roker said he was notified in February that the child's mother formally changed his son's name to a female name, meaning his ID will now clearly state he is a girl.

The father said he believes the court's ruling was not about his child's welfare, but rather a coordinated effort to silence dissent. A thousand percent right. A thousand percent right. That's the judgment. It is to control parents.

It is to control me, he said. It is to silence me. It is to give all power to this ideology. This guy's right on it. Roker's story has guarded international attention and recently caught Musk's eye in response to a post about Roker's story on the popular

X account, Libs of TikTok, Must said the woke mind virus even affects Iceland. Roker said he was very surprised and honored that Musk shared his story. Well, he's got a trans kid. He's been through shit like this.

Anyways, that is it. Dallas, don't fucking let the kid keep an eye on a kid. I mean, the teachers. Go visit. Pretend you're going in there. Huh? Oh, I forgot. That's even worse.

Dallas is a maniac. Kids gonna be drinking by fourth grade. Kid'll be bar. I'll walk into fucking boomies. Kid'll be like 11 years old behind the bar going, hey, fucking kids get talent. That's it, boys and girls. Cameo.com.

If you would like me to roast a friend or a relative. I did a guy yesterday, 77 years old, 78, and the son told me so much about them. It's so funny. It's hit or miss with these people. They either gave me nothing. This guy gave me the guy with his dad was a Vietnam vet. He smokes one joint a day, eight cigars, all kinds of great shit.

Golfer still uses paper maps, won't use like GPS. Irish heavy drink. It was fucking great. He gave me so much shit. And so cameo.com. That's it. guys think I'll say it very welcome good to be back uh we'll see you back here tomorrow at the same time okay take care hi good night everybody