The Nick DiPaolo Show - Tranny Shoots Up Christian Church | Nick Di Paolo Show #1524

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Bob Bauer Busted, Biden's decline, God hates soccer and more! Support the show and get a complimentary bottle of Nugenix Total T when you text 231-231 & enter the keyword NICK Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com

🎵 Hi folks. I fucked up that. Got a few sound drops we'll get to this week. New ones that I think you'll enjoy. Here's one. I gotta try and take a shit. Fellier taught her talking to his wife after she said something he didn't like. What's funny about it, he doesn't say, I got to take your shit, because he's an older guy,

I got to try to take it. Is the difference between funny and fucking hilarious right there? You guys are going to cry, we got some good ones. And again, I choose a lot of them as Sopranos because it's different people saying it, and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. It's everyday phrases that you and I would say. Motherless fuck. I don't know.

If somebody was in that writing room, I'd blow them if I knew I was writing half that shit. It just amazes me. So what else, folks? Tony Bobulinski I was just reading. He went before the House today, some fucking committee. You know, questioning Biden's connections, you know, and his brother Jim and Hunter with the fucking energy company and the Chinese and selling Joe's name. All that shit that Bobulinski said, what, four or five years ago already?

Four years ago? Remember? Or three? I don't know. He was talking to Tucker Carlson, had to be at least three years ago, saying fucking Biden was at the meetings. They're just getting to that now to give you an idea how the government works and how it's all a big distraction.

Not just that, but they also front load everything about Trump. That takes only a couple of months. That's the big distraction. Yeah. Look over here. Trump did this. Did what? It's all blown up in their face.

Now that fucking black, crooked fucking DA in Georgia happened to be fucking porking the guy that she put in charge of this case. And that's all blowing up. She might get disqualified from that. And all other, you know, all kinds of shit that's going Trump's way. It's unbelievable. Anyways, you guys know all that, don't you? Sure you do. What else? I thought I had something else before we get into the actual show.

Oh, yeah, I have cancer of the ass. No, that's not funny, Nick. Shut up, it is too. Let's get to it. Bob Bauer bested. Well, who the fuck's Bob Bauer, Nick? Well, just watch your mouth. President Joe Biden's personal attorney, that's who he is, repeatedly attacked special counsel Robert Herr's report on Sunday, but did not immediately support releasing the transcripts of Biden's interviews with Herr.

the transcripts of Biden's interviews with her. H-U-R. He probably knew Ben-Hur personally, Joe. Democrats are... Was he a real person, Ben-Hur, or was that just a movie character? I don't know. Democrats are outraged that Hur described Biden as an elderly man

with a poor memory in his report. Specifically, Hur's critics, of course the left one nuts, assert that the special counsel included soup fluids, soup fluids, God damn it, souffle. A soup, a souffle? Yeah, souffle. I sound like Biden. I can't even make fun of them. Souffle is and gratuitous. God damn it. I have the second one's even harder. I got it right. Details in the report, such as Biden, I got the second one even harder, I got it right. Details in the report

such as Biden, I can't say politicization either, such as Biden forgetting where to go poopo and to comb his hair. His son,

the guy said he forgot when his son Bo died and this is all by the way on recordings. The House or somebody is trying to make it public so he could

and forgetting that when he was vice, when he was vice president. Kind of an interesting article that you'll never hear are you interested well i am tell me more fuck guinea on cbs's face my sister's boxhole biden's personal attorney bob bauer whose wife is senior biden advisor anita dunn oh you ever get a look at her? She used to be on TV all the time on these Sunday shows when Obama was president. A fucking, makes that Rachel Levine Admiral guy look like fucking Bo Derek when she was 18. People at home going, Bo what? Anyways, Anita Dunn attacked her report as a shabby work product

that contains factual misstatements and pejorative comments. Oh my God, they're never happy. They exonerated him. That was a Trump guy, by the way, who exonerated him. Her as a Trump guy, appointed by Trump, who exonerated Zhukov. And yet they're still unhappy that Bauer claimed that are inconsistent with the DOJ's policy and norms. The strong comments may be compelling because Bauer attended Biden's interviews with her, but his commentary immediately began to crumble when host Margaret Brennan, piece of ass actually, started asking questions. After Bauer then confirmed that transcripts of Biden's interviews do exist, Brennan asked an important question that undercut lying Bauer's narrative.

Here it is. Go ahead, Sugar Ditz. Do you favor releasing them? Well, it's really a decision that has to take place within the government. It's a classified document. I'm the president's personal counsel. Right. Would you recommend that these be made public if they indeed back up your personal record?

Again, there's a process underway. I'm not a specialist in that process, and so I really have to defer to those who have to work through those issues. Okay, but because just this past week alone, the president, in public remarks, mixed up the leaders of France, Germany, and he referred to Egypt as Mexico.

Pause. I gave Gutfeld a great one last night about that. I got a round of applause. Okay, back to the show. Does the president have any memory problems? He does not. I was in the interview room. Pause.

Can you fucking imagine? Can you imagine more gaslighting going on here than I was in a fraternity after a chilly night with a fucking Bic lighter? Write that down, Nick. I can't. Is that it? No. Oh, it is? Wanted to see more of her. Appealing to classified information within the transcripts, then, is a deflection. Either the transcripts show that Biden could not recall basic details about his life, or they don't. And if the transcripts confirm what Herr reported, then his report is not a shabby work product, as Bauer claimed, but a truth-telling document that shows Herr refused to bow to political pressure.

You are correct, sir. Can you imagine him, and he's not the only one telling America that his memory is fine. Can you fucking even? I got to calm down. Why? I don't know. Lay off the coffee. I don't even like it anymore. Hey, guys, every day of your life, you're losing testosterone. That means you hang on to less muscle, have less energy, and your performance in the bedroom starts to drop. If you want to tap the brakes on aging, perfect segue from Biden, check out Nugenics Total T. Backed by clinical studies and real science, Nugenics has key ingredients to safely maximize your free and total testosterone levels. This means more energy, more muscle, and better performance. It's the number one doctor-recommended brand

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of Nugenics Thermo X, the newest and most powerful fat incinerator ever with key ingredients to help you lose fat and get lean and fast absolutely free text 231 enter keyword Nick text 231 231 did I say it twice okay and enter keyword Nick texting enrolls you into recurring automated text messages consent not required to purchase message and data rates may apply it's the number one doctor recommended brand by primary care physicians based on an independent survey conducted by IQVIA 2022. We thank them for sponsoring the show today. Yes, we do. What are you kidding me? Ah, my lower back. Think I'm kidding? I just got a cramp down there

that's for me being dehydrated have a yawn and get a knot right here oh yeah have you excuse me so you do it too that's dehydration that is that one hurts like a used to get the hamstring where everybody gets that hamstring is murderous. There's a worse one on the inside thigh. I haven't had one in a few. It's the reason I drink four bottles of power. It is the, it feels like a camel biting. Have you had a camel bite you down?

Why would I say that? I'll tell you why. I got into one of those rabbit holes on whatever, X, and it was showing animals attacking each other. It showed a camel that was a white donkey or mule kept jumping at this camel like harassing it. I'd never seen a white mule before. Anyways, the camel had had enough. Reaches down and bites him like in the middle of his spine and paralyzes him.

The thing was trying to walk after it, his back legs were dragging. I think that's what happened to FDR when he was in Egypt. But I was belly laughing. And then the camel's all like, with a purple tongue and shit, celebrating. Fucking Middle East is just... tongue and shit, celebrating. Fucking Middle East is just... Yeah, hello.

God is great. Yeah, he paralyzed the little poor white thing. Then was dragging its hair. Deserved it, though. He's giving the fucking camel shit. Good for you, Joe. Don't take that shit off nobody. Oh, by the way, I watched his one. one. Please die I know you're not gonna watch it, but it's so fucking good De Niro in his prime actually Maybe already so I don't know You know what a Bronx tale So good you'll love it you know play story It's a story the bronc no No stupid. A good fucking story.

Chaz Palmett Henry turned it into a one-man show. It made a shitload of money. Hey, in the second half of the show, I'll be telling you about what Jon Stewart said yesterday on his first day back at The Daily Show. That outraged even the left. Probably had something to do with the truth, I'm guessing. Also, I will tell you about, you know, Joel Osteen's big supercharts got shot up. Guess

what? Another tranny behind it. And I'll tell you about that in detail because you're not going to get it anywhere else. That's all exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get Mug Club at nickdip.com. Nickdip.com. Yes. Hey, boys and girls, head over to NickDip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all all of the Nicker shirts, just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Let me show you some proof. I found this amazing. Here's some proof. People telling you that Biden hasn't declined mentally, that he's fine or whatever. I'm going to show you a clip of him in 2018, which means we just turned 2024.

So this is basically five full years ago. And take a look at it. And you tell me, even I found this astonishing. Just think about him now, how he talks and at what pace. And then think about the jerk-offs that are looking you in the eye and going, he's fine. He's just as spry as ever. This is him in 2018 in an interview.

Check this out. I found it alarming. Is age a legitimate issue? It is a legitimate issue. Sure it is. And I think people are going to judge it. If I were to run, I think they're going to judge me on my vitality. Can I still run up the steps of Air Force Two?

Am I still in good shape? Do I have all my faculties? Am I energetic? I think it's totally up to the people to ask those questions. What the fuck? Now here he is now. You say you're a little tired this morning, is that right? I am tired.

She is very... Ah, good one, Nick. Boy, I just got lightheaded myself. Who's old? Where the hell did that come from? But do you see the difference? Even looks-wise. Right?

I mean, the guy, he must have hit the bottle hard back in the day. I don't know. He's aging at Mach speed. Well, when you look at all the presidents, when they start to when they finish, they all age incredibly fast. But he was already old to begin with when he started. That's true. No, that's a great point. He aged in the Senate. Most senators become senators with an easy life. They get the best health care package. There's really no stress. They don't pay for anything anywhere. And that's why they look for this motherfucker. You could tell he was a nitwit in law school.

It's all better stress to him. What a three-six. But the gaslighting is, I don't understand, honestly, America. Again, I don't know. I really don't believe in elections anymore. I think they're all fucking rigged. I really do. Don't worry.

I'm still going to show up. I don't like this. It's making me look like Phil Collins. I always think of Phil Collins as that little swirl. Anyhow, yeah, he's aging at mock speed. He's an old 89. Anyways, let's move on. This was some video footage. I'll give you a trigger warning if you're not into forest fires on a soccer field. Oh, that's the other thing I did, Dallas. I stumbled over a, they did the tribute to Johnny Carson at the Kennedy Center, like they do once you're done, you know, like they would Mark Twain or whatever the fuck.

And it was so good. It's only 12 minutes, too. Shows all the highlights. It shows Letterman and, you know, people speaking on behalf of Johnny. If you guys stumble over,

watch it. Anyways, what's the headline? Is it hot? Okay, I gotta say, I say hot because I'm from Boston. My wife's from Connecticut.

She goes, hot. It's hot out there. I go, what the fuck's hot? Yes, that's what I say to her. And she goes, you're saying it wrong. I said, we were taught. And again, we do, Boston people do, when there's an O, we'll pronounce it like an A-W. You know what I mean? Like hot. But she says hot. I think I'm close. I eat with my she says it like a Kennedy No, Kennedy says it like me. What am I saying? Bottom lining she's full of shit

Anyways is it hot out there or is it me now that sounds like hard is it hard out there? Yeah, I'm a pimp It's hard out there or is it me a footballer. That would be a soccer fag Has died after being struck by a lightning bolt because God hates soccer like everybody else while playing Soccer not football in Indonesia on Saturday Video I had to show this no, I don't know if I checked the date on it. Yeah, I did, actually. Again, you know that thing we showed at the fake funeral or whatever? We thought it might have been. I think it might have been staged in 1988. But anyways, no, I don't give a shit.

I said that yesterday. I said, I don't care if it's old or it's fake. It's still fucking great. Right? That's why I cover my ass. Video captured the exact moment the 35-year-old male victim from Subang, that's kind of ironic, it's the noise that was made when he got hit, collapsed at the Siluengi Stadium, that's a good one, in Bandung, West Java. That just sounds dangerous.

Did I mention he was hit by lightning yet? The man later identified as Septen Rahaha was competing in a friendly football match between, not too friendly, two FLOFC, ooh I had 11 of them minus the three, Bandung and FBI, they're always behind hits, this is the FBI, They're always behind hits. This is the FBI subang. That explains it. FBI subang. When lightning struck him at 4.20 p.m. local time on Saturday.

Son of a whore. I know. Reports by local media, PRFM News, say that he was still breathing after the incident, rushed to a local hospital, but died after suffering intense burns. This guy had to be blown under the Death Star. Like I said to Dallas, nobody else, and I'm assuming this, nobody can hit by lightning on the whole planet yet that day other than him, right? I think that's pretty safe to assume, even if I'm wrong. What are you going to tell me, there's 40 other ones? Get out of here. Anyways, the video clip has since gone viral.

I jerked off to it twice. I really like interesting things. It's the only time I believe in God, actually. On social media with football fans and players offering their condolences. Let's take a look at the frigging clip. Keep your eye on that poor bastard. God! God!

God! Oh, God! I am not God and God like me. I am as large as God. He is as small as I am. You haven't found the death knick? Yeah. I just don't like soccer. I wish it happened to everybody on the field.

I don't think God liked it either. He spoke after he knocked out. He said that's for homosexuals and white suburban girls in 8th grade. An analysis of the strike by Indonesia's Meteorology, Climatology, and Geophysics Agency, also known as the BMKG, they're a little late, revealed that the cloud the lightning came from was just 300 meters above the stadium when it struck. That's very low.

A meter's not even a yard or a little more than a yard. I can never remember. But that's fucking low. The tragic incident is the second time an Indonesian football player, I'm telling you, God hates this sport, has been struck by lightning in the last 12 months. I'm guessing he gambles good. And these guys didn't cover like two times in a row. They're probably vaccinated.

That's actually a good point, too. That's actually a good point, too. That vaccination has metal in it, as you know. It's something like that. A young football player in Bonginegoro, East Java, was struck by lightning during a cup of coffee, ironically. Good night, everybody. During the Sorrentine U-13 Cup in 2023.

We know all that shit. The player who suffered cardiac arrest was rushed off the field. I'm talking about the other one now. And taken to the IBMU Sina Hospital in Bonginegoro for medical treatment. Yes. in a bojo negoro for medical treatment. Yes, the youngster was successfully revived after medical assistance and regained consciousness after approximately 20 minutes. Not this guy. This guy was dead on arrival.

But the other guy we're talking about, I just couldn't resist making fun of him like he didn't have a bad enough day. Anyways, thoughts and prayers with the family. Not the soccer team. Anyways, hey, for those of you who've gone to Mug Club, why don't you stick around for the rest of this show, will you? The second half is tremendous. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com to join, to get my full show.

Also, the great Steven Crowder's full show and a whole lot more. And while you're at nickdip.com, I got one date up so far. I kind of hope it's the only one I'm doing, but I better do a few to get it in a little bit of fighting shape. May 11th, Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. That's May 11th, Count Basie Theater, 30. It's a theater. It's nice.

We're going to do some dance numbers. Why is he making fun of Gabe? Because it is. All right? I don't give a fuck. May 11th, Comp AC Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey.

And again, Jersey, bring everybody. Even your lib friends. We can beat the fuck out of them after the show in the parking lot while we're all wearing, I don't know, Giants helmets,

whatever you like. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else

I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I see you singing, what are you? I'm not like everybody else