The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump A Plus At C PAC #129

Episode Date: March 5, 2019

Trump Goes Off Script at C PAC while granny gets carried off on an iceburg. And a Black Neo-Nazi.  

Fastest hot dog shooter in the Northwest. I've never seen nobody be able to do this. I can do it quick. Watch it. Okay? Watch this. I'm just saying. Monday. Monday. A stinky Monday. Don't lie. Oh yeah! Monday.

A stinky Monday doing it live. We'll do it live. Goddamn right. We'll do it live! Fuck it! Do it live! I'll write it and we'll do it live! Fucking thing sucks!

Yes it does. You know you want crazy motherfucking walk, man. Ah, yeah. I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take this anymore! I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So, enjoy. How are you, folks? On a Monday, welcome to the show. 833-599-NICK.

833-599-6425. That cold opening clip, I would have been more impressed if the girl behind him did it. What are we doing? Gay porn here, fellas? Spit up a hot dog. Who hasn't done that? Ryan?

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And what is it, Monday? Quick shout outs. A couple of people joined at the veto tier. Buddy Hercules Petty in Italy. Kurt Oger, Oleg Eiger, I don't know. But Kurt, thank you so much. Hercules also. Go to nickdib.com to contribute so what's

happening over the weekend did you see trump at cpac which was in somewhere in a national harbor maryland which is as blue as my balls that state but he's in front of a cpac crowd which is you know conservative which you know you could see how And he just, he was so goddamn funny in his element. Even a few people on the left are like, this was Trump at his best, blah, blah, blah. If he does this, he's going to, you know, win in 2020. He was just his crazy self. I think he got bad from Vietnam two hours before that or whatnot. He still smelled like Charlie in the Bush. And what? What kind of talk is that?

Oh, shut it. Shut it. But yeah, it was in Maryland and it's all conservatives. So he's in his element, even though he's not like a true, true conservative. But he's done enough where they're going to stand by him. So we had a few clips of Mr. Trump. Uh, first one, he actually cursed, uh, which I wish he would do more of this. Oh, it's not presidential. Neither is raping broads or taking bribes or fucking paying off mistresses or kill us and kill an innocent

whatever. A lot of the shit they do isn't presidential. Quit pretending that that office has so much weight. OK, I wish you'd talk like I did. I wish you'd curse like a pirate. But he let it fly a little bit. Here you go. Here's the first clip.

But we had the greatest of all time. Now we have people they lost. And unfortunately, you put the wrong people in a couple of positions and they leave people for a long time that shouldn't be there. And all of a sudden, they're trying to take you out with bullshit. Okay. That's right. He says it twice. That's right.

Soak it in, Donald. Now he's going to pace the stage like a comedian that just landed a one-two. I love how he struts around like Mussolini. He's got some comic in him, folks. I'm not saying he's hilarious, but I'm just saying that's what comics do when it's getting good to them, as Richard Pryor used to say. What is fucking the guy with no attention span doing now? Hey, Ryan. He's trying to take his sweater off.

Can you do that shit? Seriously, it's so fucking distracting. Can you do that before you get here? Speak. I'm talking to you, you fuckstain fuck stain sorry i was getting hot and bothered by trump no jesus now you you you fucking compound it with a shitty joke and you dress like ellen degeneres for the love of christ just grow a clit and get it over with anyways back to cpac you don't hear much do you really think that's not the strike you're in there i thought you guys are having a fight i was hoping you had a fight anyways bullshit and then he struts around and soaks it in and i think that's good uh come on he's in he's an everyday guy and then uh he went on to talk about what else did he say

he's uh oh he's bragging about being off script which got the best guys this is a little low i don't mean to bust balls today but can we uh there you go right there thank you i don't know why it was touched uh and here he, talk bragging about how he goes off the cuff. You know, I'm totally off script right now. And this is how I got elected by being off script. True. It is true. Why don't some of you other politicians on both sides of the aisle learn something from Mr. Trump? Learn something. Oh, that's right, because he wasn't a politician. He's playing on your field. Well, learn something from him. Try getting off the teleprompter or try fucking being real. fucking being real. That's why he did get elected. You know, Ocasio-Cortez, for the brainless, titless wonder that she is, at least I give her credit. She snaps back and stuff, even though she's spewing horse shit. Show a little personality. Even Bernie Sanders,

that miserable bastard. Every time you hear Bernie speak, it's like he hasn't taken a good dump in three weeks. Just a curmudgeon. That's coming from me, folks. But learn something from fucking Trump. Go off script. Imagine Hillary trying to do that. Woman power. I think the coughs are written into her script. It says right in parentheses, hawk up a lunger, you fucking thick-ankled dogface. 833-599-NICK. 833-599-6425.

We usually have many calls lined up. Everybody, what's it? Is it Hanukkah today or fucking Kwanzaa? What am I missing? Flag day? Anyhow, he ripped the tits off the crowd. And then he really started, he was almost riffing, doing bits. He gets into the Green New Deal and starts mocking that. And I thought this was the highlight. It's like watching a stand-up special on Netflix. He's actually funnier than most of the left-wing douchebags that they put on Netflix.

Go ahead, Trump, let it fly. The Green New Deal, right? Green New Deal. I encourage it. I think it's really something that they should promote. It's called irony. They should work hard on. It's something our country needs. Desperately, they have to go out and get it. But I'll take the other side of that argument only because I'm mandated to.

I'm mandated. But they should stay with that argument. Never change. Never change. No planes. No energy. When the wind stops blowing, that's the end of your electric. Let's hurry up.

Darling, darling, is the wind blowing today? I'd like to watch television, darling. I don't care what side of the aisle. You don't find that refreshing. All we've been hearing for the last 50 years in this country, both sides are full of shit. They don't do anything. Washington is broken. Nobody does any.

Then you get this guy that comes and shoots from the gut, from the hip. And you go, he's offensive. He's fucking. No, you have paper thin skin. You should. This guy's a breath of fresh air. I don't give a shit what side of the aisle. And the left just has no sense of humor. Can you imagine watching Bernie or fucking AOC sitting home

while he was shitting on the Green New Deal? Guarantee their arms across with this puss on their face and just fucking Pelosi sticking that tongue. Remember she was doing this during the State of the Union? I don't know what the fuck. Go to a gum specialist, will you? She looked like Earl Weaver when he had the big charred tobacco and he's fucking managing the earth. and he's fucking managing the earth.

Anyhow, so he fucking wowed him. He wowed him at CPAC. He comes out and he hugs the flag. Can you imagine the fucking libs, the anti-American, American hating, blame everything on America from slavery to fucking Kraft singles. Just fucking furious. Purple veins sticking out of their foot as he hugs the flag. But remember Obama said, you know, people said, well, how about American exceptionalism? Well,

I believe Greece thinks they're exceptional. You're not. Good answer. Good answer. Let's go to Joe Nohamsa. Joe says, like I said, I saw a few lefties actually giving him a thumbs up. Joe says Van Jones. You know who Van Jones is. Originally from Oakland. He was actually a street rabble rouser.

A social justice warrior before it was popular. But now he's, you know, on MSNBC with a nice suit and glasses and well-spoken. And as Joe Biden says, clean, articulate, beautiful smile. I kind of like him, but he's, again, he's a fucking Marxist at heart, like most people from Oakland. Joe, what did you saw of Van Jones giving Trump some props, huh? Yeah, I was surprised that he gave him any props at all. Him and Don Lemon would be two of the last people I would expect to say anything good about him. What did he say? What did Van Jones say specifically?

He was particularly talking about prison reform in some of the southern states um a little bit about opioids and um even like bitched about it that like this is supposed to be my issue you guys are winning my issue and then like the crowd pretty much went crazy and um i was just wicked surprised to see that actually actually. And it was kind of refreshing seeing him actually do journalism and give some credit where it was due. That was the most surprising. It would be like Don Lemon doing it. No, Don Lemon would never do it. Van Jones is actually 20 times smarter than... Don Lemon is just a fucking moron why he's on tv

is beyond anybody's imagination van jones actually you know kind of puts his money where his mouth is but uh you know he he makes a great point uh what did he say opioids and what else gave him credit for prison reform yeah prison republicans are reducing the amount of people in prison yeah um getting them out and you know cleaning them up and he even said in some some of the southern states and you know he seemed reluctant to say it but um it was really nice to see that and um i think it's really gonna it's gonna i think it's gonna be good because the left obviously is gonna you know hang hang his head for giving any credit. Yeah.

But I mean, it shows that he's thinking for himself. Well, yeah, but for 10 seconds, let's not, all right, let's not. No, it doesn't get any coverage. All right, Joe, let's not go crazy here. He fucking said something positive for 10 seconds about Trump, which means, you know, you're making it sound like he fucking gave him a handjob at CPAC, which means for the next two weeks, he's going to shit all over him. I know how this works. But yes, prison reform is close to black people's hearts. And he's right about that, though, you know, because I heard, what was I watching yesterday? Somebody was saying how, you know, Trump hadn't accomplished anything. and I'm sitting home,

and what the fuck is he talking about? But, yeah, my advice, Joe, is to keep an eye on Van Jones for the next week. Yeah, no, I'm not pumped about it, but it was different, and it was a little mind-blowing to me. I mean, I don't know a lot about Van Jones. Yeah, well, he hates Whitey. He's a black street guy. He does, but he't know a lot about Van Jones. Yeah. Well, he hates Whitey. I'm not saying he's cool or anything, but... He's a black street guy from... He does, but...

But he's got a brain. I didn't know anything about prison reform, so... Oh, I did. I spent two weeks in the Attica. You know, I'm not up to date on prison reform and stuff, because I don't really give a fuck about it too much. Well, you should. You can meet some nice guys there, Joe.

Thank you for the call, buddy. I appreciate it very much. Joe from New Hampshire said, Van Jones is wicked. He said some wicked nice stuff. The left is already on him. The USA Today posted an article about Van Jones getting slammed as a sellout. Slammed as a sellout. Does it say by who? There you go. There you go. What did I just say? Didn't even know about this. Didn't even know about this. Didn't even know about it. Van Jones talked positively about Trump for five seconds and he's getting it ripped a new asshole.

It has nothing to do with prison reform, by the way. I just jammed that reference in there. But there you go, because Van Jones stepped off the plantation for a few minutes. So he's being excoriated. What a piece. You know, again, I don't like to, you know, I call him as I see him. How can you vote for a party that's that monolithic that anybody who fucking dares step out of line for a second gets destroyed? Like, what's her name? Gabbert. That, you know, that broad from, that broad. You know, that big-titted bitch from Hawaii?

She was in the military. She's an impressive woman. She's ultra-liberal. She's a Hawaii rep. But she was in the military. And she agrees with Trump's approach as far as foreign affairs goes, and not to be costly. And they hate her now. She was on Tucker Carlson, I think.

And they fucking hate her. Nice party over there, Dems. Wait a minute. That was half German, half Chinese. What the hell was that? Oh, for the love of God. What was I trying to do there? I was trying to, for fuck's sake, this I was trying. Let me translate that to you. That was German into English.

I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore! Motherfuckers! So Van Jones actually acts objective for one second in his life, and he's getting ripped apart by the... Ugh, I can't stand you fucks. Oh, I try to be more eloquent, but you make me want to shout. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Uh, ha ha. Sam in Montreal. Let's go to Sammy in Montreal. Sam, what's going on?

Hey, how's it going, man? Pretty good. Oh, man. So I was going to ask a question. What's with the fucking Green New Deal? What's with it? Are you fucking getting high or something? Are you smoking a bunch of weed or something?

Yeah, that's not a bad one there, Sammy. Strike one. I'm fucking high. You know what? You make a good point. You have to be high to fucking like the Green New Deal. You have to be high to fucking vote for liberals. You're fucking gay or something.

All right, thanks, Sam. A lot of pissed off people. You know why? That Trudeau, he's in trouble too, I keep reading. Talk about a lib. He makes Obama

look like Strom Thurmond, this fuck's name. But anyways, yeah, the Green New Deal, whatever. Everybody's laughing at it. But again, you know, AOC, I'm just giving a little credit. She's like, well, you guys haven't come up with shit.

I'll take the fucking lead here. Excuse me, which is like a three-year-old kid in the car. You're on vacation and your parents are fighting in the front seat. And the three-year-old girl goes, I'll drive this motherfucker. Nobody's paying attention. And, ooh, let's build the trains through the ocean. Ha ha ha.

Ah, 93 trillion dollars, I think, the Green New Deal. Plus, we're already in debt by what? The bitch can't do math up in the motherfucker. I got a good super chat for you. Well, I'll decide whether it's good or not there, cheese dick. You want to take your pants off while you're reading it to me?

Go ahead. Patrick Doris says, remember how bad Obama was off script when the prompters went off? He sounded like Brett from Pulp Fiction. Yes. I don't know the reference. I know the movie. Don't know who he's talking about. Who from Pulp?

Jason, straighten me out. That's Bretttt that's the guy samuel jackson is yelling at the one of those first oh yeah the kid who's like quivering in the chair say it again what was the word he kept repeating it was what what he goes what ain't no country ever heard what ain't no country ever heard motherfucker say it again i dare you samuel l jackson really showing his range by being an angry black man in Pulp Fiction. Jesus H. Christ. Why are the same, when you guys read me super chats, it's the same four people.

The only ones with money. I'll take them all. Don't get me wrong. Anyways. But I don't care so america but bring my bop bop bop bop bop bing bop baby seeing the countdown clock said next to it yeah none of this is what i want to talk about here mike mike wants to lean in on uh on van jones mike what's going on richmond virginia hey nick how are you what's you know what make let the left eat their own yes let them eat their own especially the girls especially

the lesbians let them eat let them film it let us celebrate like women in the workplace they'll go after each other so like, like, with Van Jones, they went after him, they went after Biden for simply saying Pence is a decent guy. Yes, that was, damn it. You're not even allowed to compliment someone on the other side. Great point. That was the other one, Mike. That was the other one I was trying to... Middle America, even the

never-Trumpers are going to be caught between do we really go with the party of AOC, or do we just, you know, suck it up another four years? Yeah. And that's what middle America is going to choose and let the left just cannibalize each other. You know, because we Republicans used to do this all the time. Yes, that's true. We used to do it too. Oh yeah. They call it a circular firing squad. Absolutely. Exactly. Let them chew each other up. But it's the independents, and I agree with you.

The people that sit in the middle are going to go, are you fucking shitting me? They've got a 28, 29-year-old broad who's not even old enough to be president yet, and she's leading the party? Not at all. Yeah, no, I think you're right. And I'm her age. I want to run for office to take her on and maybe take her out go get him mike you got my vote mike exactly all right buddy you know see if she holds up see what but yeah thanks nick for fighting a good fight you got it and uh

you know just just keep it up keep it up you're the you're better than mark levin i love Levin. I'm trying to get on a show, actually. The guy that started, thanks for the call, Mike. The guy that started Mark Levin, actually, like in radio and helped him get on TV is the guy that got my job at DirecTV with the Nick and Artie show. Guy named Chris, won't give out his last name. Brilliant, brilliant guy. So I texted him saying, hey, I want to get on Levin.

I love Levin. I mean, you know, I'm not as conservative as him, obviously, but he's, you can't argue. The guy worked in the Reagan administration. He's got, you know, an IQ through the roof, knows the Constitution back and forth. Again, I'm not that fucking conservative. I mean, I like to do weird things to cats and girls. I mean, you can't, not at the same time. I was almost going to say that would be kiddie porn. Listen, ladies and gentlemen, I didn't say it. I say Jason sits back in a seat. He thinks he's fucking Faulkner and maybe he is. We don't know. Right now he's locked in a basement doing a podcast. Uh, this, how do I scroll to get the bottom fucking thing up? Is there a trick to this?

Ryan, put your red leather shorts on and come in here. No, I got it. Stay right where you are. I was kidding. He scared me. Let's get on with it, shall we? 833-59-NICK. Holy shit, the phones are jammed.

This is the last serious piece I'll do. U.S. House panel issues get this 81 document requests in Trump obstruction probe. Oh, you fucking people. You have no idea how to defend a nation. Starting with you, Adam Schiff. If I ever run into you, come to New York, you little pencil neck cocksucker. I want to run into you coming out of a Starbucks.

I will just, I will get across the street and I will get a beat on you. And I will sprint. I ran a 4.6 flat 40. I'm 5'9", about 214. I will fucking knock you into Maxine Waters' lap in California, you shiftless little pencil neck fucking Charles Grodin. Look at that face. Oh my God, I would hang out with Hillary before this bitch. Look, he's looking at a dick pic on his phone right

there. That's what he's doing. He's looking at a big black cock and his fucking eyes are coming out of his head. Look at that stupid. You're going to tell me this guy didn't spend half his high school years trying to get out of his locker. The jaws of life. Look at you, you fucking receding hair, faggy eyed pencil neck. Jesus H. Christ, he makes me... Get him off. Get him off. I'm losing my shit. Honest to God,

I like Hillary better than him. Because Hillary's just retarded and saggy tits. Doesn't know what she's talking about. This jerk off. Two years now, not an ounce of collusion. We're going to go after him

even after the Mueller report comes out. He's going to get into Trump's finances and shit. Good. You do that, asshole. Oh, my aching stem. I'm losing my shit. I don't care about diamond and silk. I'm reading the questions.

This is about comedy. It's not what I'm talking about. Guys, you want to get on when you call in. You're going to be fucking on subject or I'm not going to pick it up. I love you to death, but let's move on. 81 document requests, Trump obstruction probe. A U.S. congressional panel said on Monday that it has served a document request on 81 government agencies, entities, and individuals as part of an investigation into alleged obstruction of justice and other abuses by Trump and others. Among those targeted by the Democrat-led House Judiciary Come Swallowing Committee are the president's son, Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump.

What did he do? Have some Russian dressing on the corner of his mouth? What the fuck did Eric Trump do? Have some Russian dressing on the corner of his mouth? What the fuck did Eric Trump do? White House aide and Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner, you want to take him out because right now he's trying to solve the Middle East problem. So, yeah, let's take him out.

Trump Organization Chief Financial Officer and good friend of mine, Alan Weisselberg. Former U.S. Attorney Jeff Sessions and former White House Counsel Don McCann. We have seen the damage done to our democratic institutions in the two years that Congress refused to conduct responsible oversight. You're right. They did refuse to conduct responsible oversight. When it came to Hillary Clinton and her server and her 33,000 missing emails, that's where there wasn't proper oversight, you shit eater. Go have a Greek salad and fuck yourself. It's my favorite meal. Congress must provide a check on abusive powers.

House Judiciary Committee. Gerald Nadler said. Have you seen Gerald Nadler? He used to weigh about 400 pounds. Now he's lost like 300 pounds in the last 10 years or so. So his neck looks like a pair of Grecian bulls balls and he's just an unhealthy fuck. And I hate him almost as much as Adam Schiff.

You listening? You listening? Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks. You got that? Gerald, among the committee's aims is determining whether Trump may have obstructed justice by ousting perceived enemies at the Justice Department, such as former FBI Director James. We've already decided, even I know, even a fucking nitwit knows that he had the right to fire Comey.

He didn't. Even the Dems said that. We're going to go over that again? You guys got nothing but your cocks and your hand. And abused his presidential power by possibly offering pardons or tampering with witnesses. Oh, my God. I can't take it. No, they're ignorant.

That's ignorant. Republicans in Congress accused Democrats of pursuing an impeachment agenda as part of a political strategy to reclaim the White House in the 2020 election. Gee, you don't say, Republicans. You must be all detectives. Of course that's what their goal is. It has been since he came down the escalator. Of course that's their goal.

You know, I take the time to tie a nice tie and put it on, and this goddamn microphone is blocking it. Now, I want one of you producers, if I have to wear a goddamn headset like Janice Jackson, Janice Jackson? What am I, 90? If I gotta wear a headset like

that good Janice Jackson that hot bitch back in the 80s. Say something. As I said, we'll get you a boom. Can we do that? Yeah, they have one that's attached to the side of the desk. Yeah, I didn't call that a boom. A boom, I picture a boom, some guy holding it over my head. That's real power.

We could just have Ryan. Like when I used to make porn in my basement, I had a boom guy. We called him Dad. Anyways, quack, quack, quack, quack. Nadler said Mueller and prosecutors conducting investigations in Manhattan, U.S. Attorney's Office are aware of the committee's action.

And then he swirled his third egg fucking salad sandwich. We will act quickly to gather this information in between runny dumps, I take. Assess the evidence and follow the facts where they lead with full transparency with the American people, said the lying cocksucker Nadler. Some of those the committee is seeking documents from are among the dozens indicted by Mueller. They include Trump National Security Advisor former Michael Flynn, who's already been basically

cleared. They fucking outed him. Former campaign chairman Paul Manafort, who's basically going to die in prison for a misdemeanor. Former Trump advisor Roger Stone, friend of mine who loves this show, and former attorney Michael Cohen. We're no. Oh, no. Also on the committee list are others who worked on Trump's campaign in the White House, such as Hope Hicks, piece of ass, by the way, Steve Bannon, who but look at Nadler. Nice going. That was him. I don't know. Years ago. Does it say what year? Cohen, that was him, I don't know, years ago. Does it say what year? Look at that.

Look at that. He's been living. Look it. He lives on milk duds, heavy cream, and Twizzlers. That was him years ago. No, he doesn't. He's not chewing tobacco. He's not eating anything.

He's just a fat fuck. Looks like a fucking parade float. Nadler. Can I just tell you, New York politicians and liberals are the worst they are the cancer even worse than San Francisco Brooklyn needs to be taken out who's with me

kill some we'll kill some hipsters by accident friendly fire type of shit anyways also on the committee's list by accident, friendly fire type of shit. Anyways, also on the committee's list are Rince Priebus, Sean Spicer, Rona Graff, never heard of her, a longtime executive at the Trump organization. David Pecker, former Pawn Star, chief executive of American Media. It's a great name.

And Peter North. Now, David Pecker, you know, he heads up the National Enquirer. Democrats say Cohen's testimony before the House Oversight Committee last week directly implicated Trump in various crimes, including campaign finance violations. That's exactly what it didn't do. You need to shut the fuck up. That's exactly what it didn't do. He said there shut the fuck up. That's exactly what it didn't do. He said there was no, he saw about the dossier. He said he heard about it, never saw any evidence.

As far as collusion, he says, again, I have no evidence of collusion. It was actually a win-win for Trump. And that's your big fucking, that's who you're going to go after? Hey, Nadler. Taste that. Oh, no. Ryan, I fucked up the camera. Oh, it looks like it's back. Ow, I just stubbed my toe. Oh, you ever stub your toe and your feet are cold?

Oh, my God, the pain. All the fucking time. How we doing, alright? I fucked it up. Apparently this camera, if you walk by it, it goes out of focus, which I don't know who made this. I can't say the company, but I can, but I won't. Anyhow. Any hey.

What is this? John Stewart said Trump got 9-11 families their awards are sped up this weekend. Hello. My glasses are so dirty. I don't know what your name is. It says flyover state. I'll't know what your name is. It says flyover state. I'll call you a bill. Hello.

Hello, Nick. Yes, you're on, sir. Give me a name, even if it's a fake one. Okay, man. Give me a fake name. I know you have spoke, you know, you said John on his last show. Yes. Had said nice things about you.

You're one of his favorite comics i just wondered did you see his statement this weekend about uh the 9-11 families getting their awards and that trump had sped this process up i did not see that so you're saying he was saying positive to look it up he was saying positive stuff oh he said a great positive thing so we have van jones to be on the record my producers are looking it up uh van jones and and john stewart and i can't remember who i saw so uh what did he mean by that uh mr flyover state he was he was saying that he was at a press conference and he tapped the microphone a couple times made a slight joke and then he said hey everybody the trump administration has sped all this up 9-11 families are getting their awards, something Obama never did. And he made a huge statement about it.

Have the twinks look for it. It's all over the Internet, except the liberal channels, of course. They are looking for it right now. You know what? And I appreciate it. They'll find it. Hey, Ryan, you've got to get a name. I can't call the guy Flyover State.

You understand how fucking retarded that sounds? I don't like calling other guys twinks. It is kind of gay. Spoken like a guy that lives in a flyover state. Yeah, so you know what? I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. And once again, proving Jon Stewart does have some brains when he's praising me or saying something like that. So thank you.

We'll look for it right now. Maybe he can get some into Colbert's head. Yes. All right. Thanks, Nick. You got it got it buddy we have the headline on daily news daily mail daily mail trump critic john stewart praises the president's justice department for handling of 9-11 victims program which compensates first responders who have developed chronic health problems from toxins in the word world trade center rebel um i get a little nervous every time i read about this because my buddy who is a cop uh he was a cop down in miami for 30 something

years he came up after 9 11 and cleaned up and he stayed on my couch when he left the couch was glowing and i was shitting blood so i uh so you believe this, but that I don't think that anything to do with the CPAC speech, right? This is something else. Jon Stewart is a, can I just say this? I know Jon Stewart. Jon Stewart's a friend of mine. You, Stephen Colbert, I know Jon Stewart. Um, but he is, look, I, yes, I hate his politics. He he hates mine but he's one of those guys like a louis cko who can overlook that have an intelligent conversation when somebody does something right for the most part he's you know way way we left but i'm just saying it's nice to know trump's getting praise from somebody that far left now if we can get sarah silverman pat

norswalt uh and all the other fucking people who are so blinded by the air i don't know if they were picked on in high school i know pat norswold was i mean he's a fucking hobbit very funny by the way i like his stand-up but uh as far as i'm going What the fuck else? Let's move on. Man lost in snow for five days. Man whose car was stranded in Central Oregon. That's how you say it.

In snow for five days. Survived by eating taco sauce packets and starting the engine periodically to stay warm. Anybody in there? Anybody? Hello? Anybody in the truck?

Jesus Christ, he could have powered your way home. Anybody in the truck? Jesus Christ, Taco Bell. He could have powered your way home. He could have powered his way home through the worst storm ever. A snowmobiler found of Jeremy Taylor, 36, of it looks like Sun River, on Friday, and a search and rescue team member who rode to him on a large snow tractor brought him out of the woods. Taylor, an avid outdoorsman.

Yeah, apparently. Fucking avid outdoorsman. You get stranded in your truck in a snowstorm, you're a fucking retarded outdoorsman. He was later fished out of his pool. Last summer, they fished him out of his pool. Last summer, they fished him out of his pool. He was...

He loves to go off-roading. I guess the fuck. He was last seen getting gas. Getting gas on February 20th. Now, is that when he was eating the taco packets? Or getting gas at a gas station? I mull that sentence over for a few minutes. He was getting gas in the car and out of the car, ladies and gentlemen.

He told his rescuers, he and his dog, Allie. Allie looked beaten. Her spirits were beaten when they picked the dog up and it was limping. Both hind legs had been broken. No, I'm kidding. Allie became stuck in deep snow on a U.S. forest road later that same day. He slept in his car,

and when he woke on Monday, more snow had fallen. Yeah, that happens in the fucking mountains of Oregon. Real avid outdoorsman, this guy. Hey, it's kind of cold up here. Should I wear a hat? This guy sounds about as much as an outdoorsman as I do.

Closest I get to being an outdoorsman is laying on my couch with a bag of Doritos in my chest watching stories about people crushed in avalanches. I love those stories when people get dropped off in helicopters

and they're trying to ski and they end up 70 feet under the snow and their family don't know where they are. Those are my favorite. That's when I lay there with my hand to my dick going, that's why I don't live life to the fullest. He attempted to hike out, but the snow was too deep. He said it was cold too.

I didn't know snow was cold. He and Allie returned to the car, the dog reluctantly. Thank you, everyone, he says. I'm safe. My Allie dog is safe. I really appreciate all the help. Got lucky. Let's never do that again, said the outdoor... said the avid outdoorsman who almost drowned at a kiddie pool last fourth of july in response to a friend's facebook comment about how he ate three taco bell hot sauce packets during the ordeal he joked taco bell fire sauce saves lives

weinberg who's gonna do it as As much as you hate it, my existence saves lives. It reminded me, and I know you Sopranos fans, because if you're fans of mine, you're fans of the Sopranos. This guy lived on Taco Bell hot sauce. Right away, it goes to the Pine Barrens episode when Pauly Walnuts and Christopher are stuck and lost in the woods, and here they are in the truck. Cock?

What's that? Nathan's bag. Fuck, there's some ketchups and shit. Fuck it. Give me some. Not bad. Mix it with the relish. Mix it with the relish. Mix it with the relish.

You guys want to laugh your butt? That is one of the funniest episodes of any show ever. Chris Smolzia. What's his name? What's his real name? Oh, my God. I think it's Moltisani, but I don't know. No, no, no.

That's his name on the show. Michael Imperioli wrote that episode. You guys want a belly laugh? Fucking, oh, my God. Living on taco. I would take, if you're Taco Bell, you're in marketing. You gotta fly with that, don't you? Before I forget, folks, go to Cameo.com.

This is the favorite thing I'm doing right now, okay? Go to Cameo.com. If you want me to send a little video to a friend, to your fucking asshole neighbor who's nosy, to your ugly old girlfriend who had hairy tits, you didn't dare tell her, or you just want me to say, you know, happy bar mitzvah to somebody, or, you know, if you want me to really bust somebody's balls into a fine dust, I'm willing to do it. It's only 60 bucks. Cameo.com. I record it, send it to you guys. And it's one of the favorite things. It's like a mini roast, actually. It's, you know, it comes natural to me. I love doing them. And I'm getting them every

morning. I wake up as a couple. So again, I can be nice. I can say, you know, happy anniversary to your parents. Or I can tell your parents, you know, that you wish they die in a fucking house fire tonight. I'll do them both in the same message and really confuse them. But Cameo.com, click on my profile. And I love doing it. I'm a comic. Lazy by nature. What?

It'll take me 20 seconds to make a few bucks? Let them fly. Jesus H. Christ. Can you see these glasses, folks? It's like I found these in a porn booth in Times Square on the floor. They would have been cleaner. these in a porn booth in Times Square on the floor, they would have been cleaner. Let's go to Deke in Savannah. He's asking, what happens after the Mueller report comes out and they have nothing? Oh, Christ. Hi, Deke. How are you?

Hey, Nick. I'm great. How about you? Pretty good. Thank you. So, I mean, what happens? When all these investigations, when everything comes back and there's nothing, do they just keep pursuing this guy? Do they just keep chasing him until the end of his life? Or what happens with this? That's exactly what they do, Deke.

They already said, we don't care what the Mueller report says. They said, even after that, the Southern District of New York is going to go out. We're going to go into his personal finances. And you know what? If you do that to somebody, especially a businessman who's a billionaire, you're going to find stuff. Every billionaire businessman has some skeleton in his closet. You know, there's a ton of loopholes to get around taxes and stuff. But yes, that's exactly what they plan on doing. They are absolutely, before they were saying, wait till the Mueller report comes out, wait till the Mueller report comes out.

But now there's whispers that there's nothing, it's going to be anticlimactic, the Mueller report. So now they're saying, even when that's over, we're going to, you know, we're going to put more committees together and go after. They are, how you could vote for fucking Democrat and the next elect, seriously that's what they're running on we're gonna bust trump's balls for another few years uh green new deal which everybody knows nobody can afford it's a fantasy that's what they're running on if this guy fucking doesn't win by a zillion votes i would be surprised your

thoughts adik i i just don't get it i i don't understand this is so far beyond politics at this point this is specifically attacking an individual because you don't like him and it's bullshit that's all it is and that's the way they're left they're going to bully their way into doing it and they're not going to actually stand for any policy they're just going to say well fuck trump because fuck trump for fuck's trump's sake that's right it just doesn't make any sense yeah they've been running on it since he came down the escalator and you know why deke because he's a blonde haired blue-eyed white alpha male billionaire he is the devil to them and i watch these shows why do they hate him

so much of success well yeah and they hate that, unless it's Michael Jordan or fucking Tiger Woods or, you know, whatever, Denzel Washington. But, you know, this is a white patriarchy. Everything was handed to him. He's an entitled white man. Bah, bah, bah. You know what? And they're fucking themselves.

It's almost going to be fun to watch because people are so bored. And like the last caller said a couple of callers ago, the people in the middle are going to go. The Republicans are only trying to get all the party trying to get anything done. So let's hope it backfires. I'm good call. I appreciate it, buddy. Yeah, they're going to chase him to his house. And Adam Schiff.

Oh, my God. Oh, I would love to hear he went down in a small plane. And it hit Jerry Nadler's house and took him and his wife out, or his life partner. La la la la. I am tired of it. I have had a goddamn enough. I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore. Look at this. Neo-Nazi group's leader is black man who vows to dissolve it.

To eigene arbeid To eigene fleis Eigne troste Black y'all And I'm black y'all And I'm blacker than black And I'm black y'all And I'm black y'all White power

One, two, three, four It's time to watch my country We're going down the drain. We are all to blame. Yeah, if this article doesn't prove that the fucking, that the Klan and white supremacists are the most fucking overblown stories. There's about 11 of them left, by the way. But if you listen to the Democrats and, you know, everybody, all the Trump haters, you'd think, you'd think half this country was Nazis and fucking... Just to give you a little hint, the neo-Nazi group, their leader is a black man now.

So I'm pretty sure they're impotent, like they have been since I was in high school. There's like seven Klansmen. They work at a Sunoco station in Marietta, Georgia. Let's quit pretending otherwise. One of the nation's largest neo-Nazi groups appears to have an unlikely new leader, and that would be LeBron James. What? Ladies and gentlemen, I can't believe it.

A black activist who has vowed to dismantle it. That's why he wants to be the leader. Court documents, which is fine, filed Thursday, suggest James Hart Stern wants to be the leader. Court documents, which is fine, filed Thursday, suggest James Hart Stern wants to use his new position as director and president of the National Socialist Movement. So the racists are actually socialists too.

To undermine the Detroit-based group's defense against a lawsuit. The National Socialist Movement is one of several extremist groups sued over bloodshed at the 2017 White Nationalist Rally in Charlottesville, Virginia. Stern's filing asks a federal court in Virginia to issue a judgment against the group before one of the lawsuits goes to trial. Stern replaced Jeff Schepp, or Scope. I'll say Scope.

It sounds more German. It makes more sense. Is it scope? You know, Birkelbach. Sprach und sie Deutsch! Oh, it makes me think the Orioles had a second baseman for a while named Jonathan Scope.

Did he spell it like that? I think there were two people. And I think he was black, right? Yes, he was. And I think he was a Nazi. I'm pretty sure. He had a few weird home run celebrations.

He turned an 8-8 double play. Stern replaced Jeff Scope as the group's leader in January. His feat invited comparisons to the recent Spike Lee movie. That's probably why we're reading about this black Klansman, in which a black police officer infiltrates a branch of the Ku Klux Klan. Matthew Heinbeck, a leading white nationalist figure who briefly served as the National Socialist Movement's community outreach director. I love how they have the same titles as the people that work at fucking IBM.

Do they have a diversity branch, a diversity office at the National White House? Listen, the Culleds, we can't have the Culleds, the Kikes, the Wops. Listen, the Cullets, we can't have the Cullets, the Kikes, the Wops. Anyways, Weinbach, leading white national figures who briefly served as the NSM's community outreach director, said Scope and other group leaders have been at odds. I love this. Hateful people at odds with other hateful, with the rank and file members over its direction. Heimbach said some members essentially wanted to remain a politically impotent white supremacist gang

and resisted ideological changes advocated by Scope. Heimbach said Scope's apparent departure, it's like the fucking Giants fired their offensive coordinator. That's how this is read. And Stern's installation as its leader probably spelled the end of the group in its current form.

I like the fact this black guy has a Jewish last name. I think it's kind of a sad old bit for one of the longest running white nationalist organizations, said Heimbeck, who estimates it had about 40 active dues-paying members last year.

There's the guy, the black, the leader of the white supremacists. He took it over so he could break it down. And that's Mr., what's his name? Something Hart Stern, what's his first name? James? Thank you, fellas. Glad you're right on top of the... James Hart.

He looks like Al Sharpton with AIDS. Okay, Ebola. Glad you're right on top of the... James, he looks like Al Sharpton with AIDS. Okay, Ebola. Let me update that. Al Sharpton's actually skinny there, but I'm talking about the old Al Sharpton. He actually looks like Charlie's Wrangles kid. Any other fucking... Anyways.

Listen to this. The new socialist members used to attend rallies and protests in full Nazi uniforms. So they're having a fight about fashion, including at a march

in Toledo, Ohio that sparked a riot in 2005. More recently, Scope tried to rebrand the group and put them in pantsuits like Hillary and some addresses. Nobody's buying it.

Tried to rebrand the group and appeal to a new generation of racists and anti-Semites by getting rid of such overt displays of Nazi symbols. It appeared that, I mean, Hillary dresses like fucking Chairman Zhao Ma Zedong

or Kim Jong-un. It appeared that Stern had been trying for at least two years to disrupt the group. I have personally targeted eradicating the Ku Klux Klan and the National Socialist Movement, which are two organizations here in this country which have all too long been given privileges they don't deserve, Stern said in a video as he finished a family-sized bucket of KFC. What? Who said? What did I just say, Ryan?

He finished a family-sized bucket of KFC. You motherfucker. I know he heard it. I'm listening. I know you are. I'm just busting your dirty gay chops. All right. A federal magistrate

judge in Charlottesville ruled last Friday that Stern cannot represent the NSM in the case because he does not appear to be a licensed attorney

for that reason I'd let him have the job that did not deter Stern from filing Thursday's request for summary judgment against his own group anyways I want to get

to the interesting part of this listen to this Stern here's a little history about this guy served a prison sentence for mail fraud at the same facility as one-time Ku Klux Klan leader

Edgar Ray Killen. Could you have a better name, by the way, if you're going to be head of the Klan? Ray Killen. Ray Killen Negroes? No, it is Ray Killen. So he served prison time with the Ku Klux Klan leader,

Edgar Ray Killen, who was convicted in the Mississippi burning killings of three civil rights workers. Killen died in January 2018. Listen to this. Do we not live in a weird world? So you got this black guy

becomes friends with the head of the Klan. And supposedly, allegedly, in 2012, Stern claimed Killen, I'm not believing this, though, signed over to him power of attorney and ownership of 40 acres of land. What, no mule? That's how you know it's a bad deal. While they were serving prison terms together a lawyer for Killen asked a judge

to throw out the land transfer and certify that Killen and his family own the property that's quite a powerful outfit those white supremacists have going you got a black guy running it oh my god the Klan now

the Klan, no! The Klan... Speaking of outfits, we have a picture for you. Oh my god. Oh my god. I would fuck him before her. And that's a good picture of her. How about him? The rest of the country

is starving to death. The average North Korean weighs 11 grams soaking wet. And this fat fuck, I don't want to say more chins than a North Korean phone book, but I will. Look at Hillary. She actually looks good there. Take that

down before I punch her on the side of the neck. Fucking hate her. Anyways, I think it's time for you guys to stop worrying about the Klan and white supremacists and not be, when you have a black guy, I'm pretty sure that's the sign that it's over. I don't think he infiltrated it. Did he? Did he have white face on? I find that offensive. Do we have him in a yearbook with white face on? I'm sure we do. O Canada, home and native land, true patriot love in all thy sons command.

Nick in O Canada. How are you, Nick? I'm good. How are you? Pretty good. Yeah? Yeah. Well, you're taking too long. Fuck off. See ya. Yeah? What are you guys doing?

We have O Canada if you want to listen to it. That was not the beginning of O Canada. I think they were playing a little marching tune beforehand. Pull up Roger Doucette. Roger Doucette singing O Canada. In the meantime, Given Sight did a super chat but didn't say anything. But he pledged money? But he pledged 10 bucks.

Okay. So I'll say nothing back to him. And Hysteric Animations said, I'm finally a Sony Corleone since you and Anthony Cumia are my only two reliable news sources that add humor. I'm tired of Fox News. Love you, Uncle Nick. Thank you so much. And, um, Ryan, it's Sonny Corleone.

Not Sony. Wasn't named after a fucking record company. And I... Sonny Corleone, he signed up... He signed up at the EMI Corleone level. It's sunny, Ryan.

How do you not know? You got to know this shit if you're working for me. Same with Jace. You guys, Jason probably know. But it's a prerequisite. You have to watch A Godfather tonight. Not the one with Nathan Lane as Vito either, the remake. Okay, what were we looking at either, the remake. But,

okay, what were we looking at? Roger just said. Yes, sir. Did you find him? Listen to this guy belt it out. Crank that up. This goes on to,

that's the French part. Con histoire et une epopea De pluvios exsul Oh, Hanukkah Glorious and free We stand on guard We stand on guard, we stand on guard for thee. Oh, Canada, we stand on guard for thee. Oh, he does it so well. Oh, he does it so well. Oh, he does it so well.

Roger Doucette, died of ass cancer seven minutes ago. That's how you sing it. And that other guy that sings for the Chicago Blackhawks, whatever, Jim Cronin, Conway, whatever. Oh, my God. The hairs on my left not stand at attention when he bangs it off. Ha, ha, ha, da-dee, da-da-da, da-da-da. The hairs on my left not stand at attention when he bangs it off. Okay.

Jeff in Texas has a theory about what Trump's going to do after the Mueller investigation. Jeff, what is he going to do? Fill us in, sir. Hi, Nick. I appreciate you taking my call. You're good. There's two things real quick. First, I wanted to tell you real quick.

I live in McAllen, Texas. That's where Donald Trump was. And my friend of 30 years who works for U.S. Customs was in the room with President Trump. And he said he did a fantastic job. Yeah. Secondly, my theory on the Trump deal is this either I think President Trump has a Trump card if you will and he's going to use either two ways he's either going to declassified documents

before the 2020 election to just crush all these Democrats to show them how corrupt they are or uh he'll use it if they keep on with this investigation uh that is ridiculous that's a good point that's my theory that's a good theory about releasing all that stuff right before the election um because he can do that right even the redacted stuff and that he he has the power can do that, right? Even the redacted stuff. He has the power to do that, does he not? He absolutely can do that. And that is his trump card.

And he can use it any way he wants to. And they know that because they're in trouble. They have emails proving that they've done things that are very wrong. And they can, I mean, you can go back to what Eric Holder did with Fast and Furious. Yes. No, that's a great point. You can use this. That's a great point. And they're going after Hillary.

You're hilarious, Ben. What's that? Please make your hilarious, buddy. Oh, thank you, Jeff. Good call, by the way. That's true. All that shit. All those.

And then you can start digging into hillary shit i'm telling you i'm not going to be satisfied till i see somebody on the fuck somebody on the left side of my lung that's drowning in fluids i'm not going to be happy seriously with maniforts in jail, and who else is going? They busted Flynn's balls, and I can't remember. Nobody on the left is going to jail. Not Strzok, not his douchebag fucking girlfriend. Nobody. Not McCabe, not Comey, thick-ankled dogface.

Seriously. He came to clean the swamp. I want to see somebody go to jail, even fucking Obama, after the shit he pulled. I love how he gets a pass, this Harvard piece of shit. Deep State,

fucking John Brennan. They could fill a cell tonight. And I hope that guy's right, they release all that shit. Adam Schiff. I think you want to say Framingham. You have Rammingham up there. But Ryan, I understand.

You have a learning disorder and you were touched by an uncle. Let's go to Adam. Framingham Mass. How are you? Yeah. This is Nick. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Big is Nick. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yeah, yeah. Big tough guy. I'm over here on the West Coast. You know I could come right back to our home state. You want to do this? Wait a minute. For anyone who's not clear, this is Adam Schiff. Adam.

And I have the man I am. Let me ask you something, Adam. Are you really from my home state originally? Yes, that's right. I'm from Massachusetts. Jesus Christ, I didn't know that. Good. That gives me a better chance of running into you.

Birmingham, Farmingdale, you name it. That's where I'm from. Farmingdale. We could do this on the West Coast. We could do this on the East Coast. I'll give you all the gelato you can handle. Let's do it on Route 128 in Saugus. I'll meet you in front of the Kowloon restaurant.

I'll whip your ass, Adam. Oh, it's a date, baby. I'll bring my wife and watch you give her one. We could do it on the side of I-87 if you want. Yeah. You can have your way with her and me and absolutely i'll bang your wife and i'll and i'll strangle you in the fucking in the breakdown lane of the deegan expressway thank you for the call adam i love massachusetts i love them as much as the political fucking i don't know i meet people there and uh my home and they don't seem

as liberal as the jerk-offs that run the state but again it's so hard to watch a bruins game or a red socks game new england sports network marches out people in wheelchairs and and and fucking testicle cancer night and fucking toupee night for the kids with cancer. It's a never-ending. I mean, they're just trying to go, look, we're good. Look, we care. Just tie a giant pink ribbon around your throat and tighten it until you die, could you?

I would like to watch seven fucking innings without somebody bringing up pediatric cancer. Is that asking too much? I'll still donate to your hospitals. Just please, let me enjoy myself. Let's get on to a grandma being swept out to sea.

God, this made me laugh harder than my own grandmother slipped on some ice and smashed her head in the parking lot of blows. I, uh, what? Grandmother slipped on some ice and smashed her head in the parking lot of blows. I, uh, what?

Grandma swept out to sea in Iceland while posing for photo on iceberg. My first thought is they set her up. Her fucking husband is so tired of this bitch. Go ahead, honey. Get on that chunk of ice over there. A grandmother was washed out in the Icelandic sea while posing for photos on an iceberg throne when a large wave dislodged a chunk of ice, sending it

drifting away from shore like an Eskimo parent. Early this week, Catherine Strang received several text messages and photos from her father about his trip to Iceland with his mother, detailing the grandmother's misadventure. Put up the pictures. It reminded me, you guys that are my age,

do you remember a song? I gave you the lyrics too, right, Jace? Yeah, we couldn't figure out how to get them up on screen, but we could play the song. Oh, you can't put the lyrics up? How hard did you try, really? Hard enough. I noticed you cut off a little bit of the lyrics, too,

that I sent you. Anyways, there was this song called Shannon in the 70s. It's about a beach boy, and it's not by the beach boys. A guy, another artist, did it. It was about one of the beach boys, Iris said, fucking drowning. And it was a sad song. And I remember I'm like in fifth grade.

Somebody explained to me, yeah, this is about a song of a... And I'm like... But yeah, it's called Shannon. We have to have the lyrics. They can't understand. Can they? I trust our viewers.

I feel let down. I gotta be honest, Jason. This is not your best moment. Probably not. You couldn't have jotted them out and took a picture and fucking... Huh? I trust our viewers. I feel let down. I gotta be honest, Jason. This is not your best moment. Probably not. You couldn't have jotted him out and took a picture and fucking... Huh? You busy down at teaching him the guitar?

Go ahead. Play the Shannon song now that it doesn't fucking work. She knows how much we're breathing this love. This goes out to Grammy floating out to the ocean. Shannon, she...

She drifted out to sea. She always loved to swim away. away. Maybe she'll find an island with a shady tree. That's all I could think of. Put that picture of her again floating away. Do you understand that's a wet dream for a lot of fucking husbands who've been married to the same woman for

60 years? She's a fucking half mile from shore. Cut back to the husband. He's jerking off on the beach. Luckily a boating guy, some guy came by. The camera should be on me when I'm laughing this hard. Come on, guys.

Oh my God. Oh my God. She's a speck. Oh, my God. The Coast Guard had the rescuer. Did you make that up? No, I read the article. Before the show, like a good little boy. I don't think the Coast Guard did.

I think it was a fisherman. Anyways, the woman was rescued by another tourist nearby. There you go. Yeah. Fucking, you didn't think the Coast Guard did. I think it was a fisherman. Anyways, the woman was rescued by another tourist nearby. There you go. Yeah. Fucking, you didn't read the article. Fucking. I swear I did. I thought that was it.

Did you? You get some good retention skills there, Ryan. This Wednesday. It was the Coast Guard. Yeah, sure it was. It was the tourist who happened to be a boat captain. It was Quint. Aye.

It was a tourist who happened to be a boat captain. It was Quint. Aye. Starboard, you idiots. Are you listening? Hooper, quit playing with yourself. Pull in that old bitch on the ice cube. So, I found an old lady flitting an ice cube.

March the 2nd, 2019. A lady with osteoporosis went into the water. That is so funny to me I'm sorry I just pictured the husband laughing his balls off and waving to her going fuck you bitch

enough is enough oh my god all of a sudden a young girl like a hooker comes out with the fucking husband taking pictures of the look at she's all cocky All of a sudden, a young girl, like a hooker, comes out with the fucking husband, taking pictures of them. Look, she's all cocky with her man pants on. Oh, my God.

Jesus, does that make me laugh. I love other people's destruction. My father described the incident the following way, Strang said. She ascended the throne after a wave had, sounds like Jason wrote wrote this had pulled back and left it briefly exposed on the beach then a wave washed it and dislodged the ice throne rocking it from side to side of course the of course the husband didn't make a move at that point when the wave retreated it lifted the dislodged throne and carried her out oh i love it. The grandmother had a good laugh about the incident.

She said, that cocksucker husband of mine, I got him back. I was blown on that night, and I bit his balls off right at the base. Anyways, it's just, she's fucking floating away like Shannon. Shannon, she's gone. Hey, real quick, you can get these at nickdip.com. My dates, this Friday night, March 8th, Wood Theater, Glens Falls, New York. Friday, March 29th, Decatur Civic Center, Decatur, Illinois. Saturday, March 30th, Del Mar Hall, St. Louis, Missouri.

Friday, April 26th, Steel Stacks, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Friday and Saturday, May 3rd and 4th, Sidesplitters, Tampa. Friday and Saturday, May 10th and 11th, Governors in Levittown. Friday, May 31st, Jonathan's at Gunquit, Maine. Saturday, June 1, Whites of Westport, Westport, Mass. Saturday, August 10th, Newtown Theater, Newtown, Pennsylvania. Friday and Saturday, August 16th and 17th, Helium in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Saturday, October 19th, the Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut.

Friday, November 15th, the Cortland Repertory Theater, Cortland, New York. And then New Year's Eve, back at the Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown, New York. NickDip.com Let's go to mac daddy who was in uh bound brook new jersey to see me this saturday and i appreciate that mac daddy coming out you enjoy yourself

oh you killed man you asked so i was actually um uh within a secondhand smoke distance of the green room you were and uh yeah and my son is the one that yelled out kimberly gilfoyle like an asshole yeah i'm bringing up like hot fox and who's that because somebody else came but again been off the air for like three years and and she was a piece of ass, but she's gone now. So I'm glad you came out, Mac Daddy. I'm glad you came out. I appreciate that. I'm glad you found what Boundbrook is.

Yes, I had never heard of it. I've been in the tri-state area for 20 years. I'd never heard of Boundbrook. But that was a nice theater, and I had a good time. Thank you so much. You got it. All right, buddy. Yeah, and I want to thank

everybody that came out. It was a nice turnout. And Steve Treblees, I think his name was, the host, sports guy, kept busting my balls about the Patriots like he was in fifth grade.

Just a bitter New York fan. Just couldn't let go, you know, that Boston is the fucking epicenter of was in fifth grade. Just a bitter New York fan. Just couldn't let go. You know, that Boston is the fucking epicenter of all sports right now. And has been since the new millennium, basically. But he kept busting my jaw. But he was a nice guy. He did a nice job. Bought me a pack of cigarettes. There was some pizza there that

I think it got there when Soupy Sales made his debut at the theater. I don't want to say it was cold. I got an ice cream headache eating a slice of it. I ate three, have you ever eaten pizza that's been sitting out for like three hours, you know?

The cheese isn't even stretchy. It's like an old person's skin. Yeah, it's not like eating pizza the next day, which is way better. Yeah, what is that? It's the in-between. It's not fresh out of the oven

and it's not next day. And, oh my God, I had such heartburn on the way, fucking, I never get heartburn, even as stressed out as you i felt like i dropped a bick lighter and i got caught my esophagus it was fucking brutal oh anyways back to the important news charges have been filed against two missouri daycare center workers after surveillance videos

showing a three-year-old girl being thrown against a cabinet went viral and i said i wonder what race that woman or these women were that was my initial incident now tell me again how i'm racist when i ask that every time i hear about one of these stories and i'm right 101 of the time i'm not saying that white people don't do evil shit. I'm just saying. I knew right away. And I don't want to hear, well, that's because they only put when the black people. No, it's just the opposite.

Just the fucking opposite. But this was so bad, they had to reveal it. Excuse me. The woman accused of throwing the girl, 27-year-old Wilma Brown, who was being recruited by the Jets as a nose tackle, was charged with felony child abuse

on Thursday in St. Louis County. Relatives said the girl sustained a head gas that required seven stitches during the incident on February 1bruary 1st at brighter daycare a good name for it you should hire brighter people uh the girl's family said they were initially told the girl fell but five days later watched surveillance video with the center's director that showed a worker throwing the child into a This made me fucking sick to my stomach. And anyways, here it is.

They believed was a fall turned out to be an assault. That was her? That's the mother commenting. No, it wasn't. Okay. You fat, nasty black bitch did you see that how is that woman still alive you know why that woman's still alive

that fat fuck is still alive because that little girl probably doesn't have a dad again racist on my part i know but i'm willing to bet i don't know two hundred dollars on it because if she did have a dad he i'm hoping he would have had enough love to go down there and and and take that girl out that that woman out. Do you fucking believe that? I don't know. But you women keep working and leaving your kids in strangers' hands.

Watch this again. No, let's start. That doesn't do it justice. Bring her back. I want to see when she drops back into the pocket and then scrambles before she throws it. Go ahead. Look at this.

Smashed her head on the floor. Why shouldn't we fry that bitch on national TV? Oh, my God. That little girl have a chance in life? Prosecutors also charge... Oh, wait a minute. Excuse me. Warren has been issued for Brown's arrest.

She doesn't have a publicly listed telephone number because she probably fucking lives in a cave and couldn't be reached for comment. She had 12 biscuits in her mouth probably when they called her. Prosecutors also charged 22 year old ariana silver for a separate incident on february 27th that was also allegedly captured by surveillance video charging documents alleged silver squeezed a four-year-old girl's arm and

punctured her skin this is another woman and then carry the girl by her foot. Can you... What the fuck? Fucking bitch. I've had enough, folks. This shit... Those stories take the life out of me. God almighty. Hope that little girl's alright. And I hope her mom sues that school.

You're not going to sue the individual because she doesn't even have a fucking public phone number. Sue her, and what are you going to get? Seven pounds of Jerry Curl and two cans of Crisco and a fucking Al Green album. Anyways, just disgusting, and God, that fucking angers me. Good way to end it on a positive note. That's what I do here at the show. Uh, that is it. Any more super chats, anything, fellas?

That's it. Remember, go to Cameo.com if you want me to send a video to anybody you hate or love. I can be nice. I weaken bus balls. It's all in good fun. It never gets too mean, unless you want it that way. I mean, you are paying for it cameo.com and uh what am i forgetting is that it fellas anything i believe that's all don't have

to remind them something about youtube or uh we've released all the archived videos since the day one july 9 show up to the middle of january so you can get those two. All right. That is it. Remember for 30 years, you've been thinking it. I've been saying it. You're very welcome. Cause I love you. I'll see you next time.