The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump And The N Word | Nick Di Paolo Show #1382

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about a druggy giving birth in SF, Trumps N word and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Oh, yeah. Hey, guys and gals. You know, I am now a part of Mug Club and happy to be a getaway from the goddamn big tech. Get that foot off my throat. Go to nickdapalowashow.com to join me and to get the full version of today's episode. That's what you got to do. How you all is?

You goddamn guineas really make me laugh. The fuck is that about? I hope so. I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian. Hey, Serious Radio, I think they're going to start a channel that's just female comics. Boy, there's a big demand for that, huh? What are you saying?

You know what the fuck I'm saying. Stop it. There are some real funny broads. Brett Butler might be the funniest ever. You guys probably don't even know her. Had a show called Grace on the Fire. She's as mean as I've ever been, and her IQ is through the roof. Bonnie McFarlane, another funny one.

I don't even know why I'm talking about this right now. Bonnie McFarlane, another. I'm just saying, for every one funny chick, there's 450 guys who aren't even professional comedians who are funnier. I don't mean to say, but Bonnie McFarlane, who else do I? I hear some now, some new girls that I don't know, and boy, do they suck. They're all doing an Amy Schumer impression. Amy's funny, believe it or not. She can talk about anything. I just don't like her for not plugging my last special. She wouldn't plug it on her her twitter so that's it for her oh my god i'm doing dice uh anyhow any he what the fuck uh we did a story yesterday about the uh who has it talking about

dylan malvaney and the bud light uh we did a story about the woman who came up with that right was another concept because she thinks it's very important to get women, this women, that when is this going to fucking end? Let me tell you about the modern day feminists. It's the worst case, it's a mass case of

penis envy. You can sum it up like that. They all want dicks. Not in them, on them. I think the transgender, that was the next step. Who's with me? Anyways, the woman who came up with it, did she get canned or not?

Have we confirmed that? No, she's not canned yet. Of course not. Products only fucking went down in smoke. But anyways, remember she was saying Bud Light had this fratty image. It was too fratty. You know, that's code for white guy.

Blah, blah, blah. So I was trying to get away from that and whatever. Yet, she acted pretty fratty herself. No big deal, but we found some pictures of her. You said this was at Harvard, Dallas? At Harvard. Really? There you go. That's her on the right. Not the guy.

I wouldn't be caught dead doing that even now. That's her sucking on the German Schepenhardt on the pink dick. That's acting pretty fratty. There she is drinking a beer as a uh fella next to her goes this broad is an idiot track and field guy uh see good for you honey but you know um you're acting very fratty okay and uh yeah but it's time now that was a long that was that was that 2018 man am i fat today i I just noticed my fat. You think it might have something to do with me eating a sleeve and a half of saltines before I hit the set? The fuck? I can't take it no more. I see myself in these clips.

I don't put them up. My media guy does an Instagram. And I go, I can't. No more excuses. I don't know what's going on, but I am wide. I look like Johnny Sack on The Soprano when he was in jail, putting his pants back on. He's in his boxers. He's like 70. All right, let's get to it. Sorry, folks. Oh, and one other quick thing. The Boston Bruins. Yes, I'm not going to forget about it. Set another record last night for most

points. As you know, you get two points for a win in the NHL and a one for a tie or whatever the fuck a shootout went. Whatever. No, you get two for a shootout win too. What am I saying? Anyways, 134 points. Previous mark, 133. But the 1977 Montreal Canadiens,

arguably the greatest team in the NHL history, they had nine Hall of Famers, and the Bruins broke that last night. And they're not even trying. I know they still got to win the Cup, but you can't take that away from them. 64 wins, their old record was 62, and they're playing the Canadians who stink, I think, tomorrow night for the final game of the season. And I've never seen anything like it, folks.

Anyways, I know you don't give a fuck, but tough. I have to sit through March Madness and basketball, the worst spectator sport on the planet. Let's watch two teams exchange baskets for four and a half hours before it means anything. At least you go to an NBA game, you're hoping you can see a girl's prick fall out of her shorts. W-MBA. Did I say NBA?

I fucked that joke up. Have another sandwich, you pig face. Let's get right down to it, shall we? So we got the broad, the Bud Light, Friday, Saturday, Maddie. What do I got today? I left my placenta in San Francisco. Did you see this? We are officially, officially a third world country now. This, to me, is the stamp of approval, you know, from Brazil, from Mexico. I call those third world shitholes because stuff like this. Look, it says confronting footage.

Does that make any sense? Whoever wrote this article, do they mean controversial? I don't know who wrote the article. I could point this shit out all day. Confronting footage, I don't even know what that means. Has surfaced showing a woman appearing to give birth on a public sidewalk as onlookers watched. Well, of course they're going to watch,

especially homeless guys haven't seen a snatch in years. They don't care if it's well-trimmed or there's a baby coming out of it or a cockroach. They're gonna break out their iPhones that they stole. The woman and crying infant were filmed. You know why the baby is crying? He stuck his head out and said, this is San Francisco. Gross. They were filmed by a bystander last week, the San Francisco Standard reported. The video, which has circulated on social media, showed the woman laying on her side with her parts. Pants. Parts. Look at me. I'm so horny about this story. How gross am I? With her pants partially down.

How about the future of this kid, huh? Can you imagine? Where were you born, Timmy? Next to a fire hydrant in the fucking Tenderloin, wherever the shithole is. Different neighborhood, but it doesn't matter.

You guys don't care. Her baby was shown lying on the path, crying. Is that a path? What the fuck? Who wrote this? Fucking Eagle Scout? Anyways, let's take a look

and maybe you guys can break out the Vaseline. Oh, don't be gross. Okay, did she poop it out? Why am I seeing her ass? Is that a breach? Look at the kid. It's already... Somebody bang that money. At least this guy's trying to help, third base coach.

Look at this. It's sad, I wanna laugh. Get the kid off the cement! Yeah, there she goes. Pick up your fucking crack, baby. God. Unbelievable. She's a little whore.

No, no, no. She's had tough times. She's fallen on tough luck. That's what they always say. All my friends in Boston when I was a young comic and I was make fun of the homer you know some of those people are just down on their luck and I go yeah it's funny how you're down on your luck when you're shooting heroin to the tip of your dick for 12 years all of a sudden you find yourself down on your luck

she made a choice yeah but maybe she was touched by I. I don't give a shit. That poor baby has no future. Give it away today. And I'll prove that with the rest of the article. The city's fire department confirmed that a woman had given birth to a child in public view on Thursday, local time. However, it could not be confirmed if it was a woman in the video. Oh, my God. So what? So are they saying it's happening all over the city? That's what they're saying. Right? It could be. They don't mean, they know it's whatever. You know what I mean?

The mom and baby referenced by the fire department were taken to a hospital in stable condition, according to the publication. A witness claimed the birth unfolded just a two-minute walk from the city's popular Union Square. I've been to all these places, by the way. Union Square, though, I don't remember that being nice even back in the day. According to a tweet of the video, the same witness claimed to see the woman

taking illegal drugs prior to the birth. She was smoking crack all day. That's going to make me dilate. I'm no Dr. Spock. Well, it is not known whether or not the new mom was affected by drugs at the time. Gee. No, it was Flintstone vitamins. The heartbreaking situation has sparked an outpouring of distress sympathy from social media users who were moved by the shocking video. Oh, boy, you. You moved as in, yeah, I saw it and I moved out of San Francisco. Are you dog styling me?

We are a... You know what we are? Third world nation. In the second half of the show today, I'm going to be talking about a couple things. We have a... Again, another trans story, but a ballerini.

You've got to see this in action. I can't make it up. It's exclusively on Mug Club, so join now to get it at nickdapalaloShow.com. Trump. Donald Trump. I can't even do it after being around you-know-who.

Crowder, who just nails every fucking... It's like a jukebox, man. But Trump last night was on, I think it was Tucker Carlson. I think the whole show, he went down to Mar-a-Lago and interviewed the former president and convict, it's unbelievable, and they were talking about everything, I think Tucker wanted to talk more about the, you know, the arraignment, the indictment, and all that shit, and how it's going to affect the upcoming election. But they got onto foreign policy. And the president is funny.

Look, you know I love him. You know I love him. But he is. Every time I listen to him talk, I feel like he's going to sell me a 2006 Toyota Corolla. It's beautiful. Kick the tires. Jesus Christ.

I broke something. Kick the tires. 100,000 miles. Best performance. Sure. I can't do them. Anyways. Former president.

He's not even trying to be funny. And there's about 19 things while I'm watching and going, oh, the libs are going to jump all over this. Not that they wouldn't anyways. But there was such Trumpisms, you know what I mean? Anyways, Trump said Tuesday on the Tucker Carlson Tonight, we've got to do something about these lights. I'm not kidding you. I can hardly, or let's do something about my eyes. Maybe I'll move to San Francisco

and have them pulled out and get new ones. Tonight on the show, they're talking about the N-word is nuclear, Trump said, because no one talks about the danger. It's the N-word. Discussing the Ukraine war, Trump said,

at the beginning, Biden was very afraid of nuclear. Oh, they have nuclear weapons, which is exactly the wrong signal to say. I'm not doing that. Crowder will do it much better. Or whoever.

My sister, she's retarded. Don't do that. But if you go back and check your files, he's saying to Tucker about when Biden took office talking about Russia, you'll see Biden early on said, we can't do this. I don't even know what he was talking about. What are we doing?

Yeah, exactly. What's going on right now? They have nuclear weapons. Well, you don't want to act that way, Trump says. But he was very, very afraid of nuclear, which he should be. He says, I said, you know, you got to be a little bit cooler than that. Okay, Fonzie. But what happened is now that nobody talks, but every day Putin mentions it, and every day other people mention it. And Tucker said, who? And he said, you know, the New York Mets pitches talking nuclear and NPR and I'm tapped. I got nothing. And now all of a sudden he

says, if you look, other countries are talking about getting it. But he says in this clip that there's two N-words, which was a funny way of putting it. Let's take a look. Here's the hands. There's two N-words. I love them both. Don't get me wrong.

Go ahead. You got to be a little bit cooler than that. Oh, shit. But what happened is now that nobody talks about it, but every day Putin mentions it, and every day other people mention it. Pause. He just said nobody talks about it. Now Putin mentions it, everybody mentions it.

Bartender at Applebee's told me it's dangerous. My proctologist, I can't... Go ahead. All of a sudden, if you look, other countries are talking about getting it. This is something you don't mention. I call it the N-word. You have two N-words.

You don't mention either of them. Bullshit. The nuclear word you don't mention. Pause. Now, right now, Lib's going, that implies the N-word you do mention. I can just see them. So now you've got another opening. And I don't give a shit. I don't care

if he's... Here's my thing. And DeSantis, I haven't ruled him out either. It doesn't matter to me. In a powerful world, they should work together, like I said. Doesn't matter to me that he says shit like this. Again, he's like me taking

a test in high school, essay. Just flinging that as a comedian friend of mine. Said, don't bring a pencil. Bring a shovel. I don't care. He got shit done. I don't know how, but he did. Go ahead.

I was so destructive. I met with professors at MIT. And I was preparing for a debate. I wouldn't say it was a long preparation, but I did want to talk about nuclear because I consider it to be the single greatest threat the world has, far greater than global warming.

Which is true. Then he pissed all... He was comparing global warming and nuclear. I had these people come down who were very smart. He's talking about at MIT. And I said, if we start talking about nuclear debate, how would you handle it? And he says, they looked at me, one in particular, and said, sir, you can't talk about it. You can't.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You cannot talk about it. I said, what does that mean? And the professor said, it's so massive, it's so destructive that you cannot talk about it. That's the way the girls wouldn't talk about my penis. Nick, if that was true, I wouldn't be sitting here. I'd be in porn, male porn. I like men. I like to in porn. Male porn. I like men.

I like to pork them. And we're out. It's a weird show. I'm sorry, folks. Anyhow, don't you love that? We can't talk about it. Sir, it's too massive. What is he talking about?

And I love him. But I just picture, I'm picturing DeSantis talking about that and sounding a little more, you know, he was a military guy and whatever. But people keep yelling globalist about DeSantis. I know those might be far right fringe people. I have an eye, you guys can't see I have a

hair right here, and it's in my eye. You can't see it, but it looks like a two-by-four to me. Fucking bugging me right now. Anyways, yeah, so I think he gave them plenty of fodder. I just see the limbs going

nuts on that one. Anyways, good luck. I hope they say you can run if you're in jail, too, so I don't know. I don't know. Oh, and by the way, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else go to nickdopaloshow.com and join to get my full show, not only my full show, Crowder's show, and a lot more. And while you're there, get tickets to see me live in St. Louis, April 21 and 22, Daytona Beach, Florida, May 12,

and Arlington, Virginia, on the 14th or 15th of July. guitar solo Thank you.