The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Announces His Platform | Nick Di Paolo Show #1594

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Trumps plan, Bash bashed a fast car and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

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Hey, easy. Take it easy. How are you, folks? Welcome to the big show on a Tuesday. The great state of Georgia, Savannah. Little muggy down here. Not bad. Again, people was, nothing like I fucking experienced in New York City. That's all I'm saying then again. There's no oxygen there anyways even when it's in the 70s

Yesterday the fucking did you see the Statue of Liberty somebody had to put roll on I Used to have a ton of jokes about You know those bikes people rent in New York City, the Bank City bikes that's that sponsors at Bank City. But I used to go on stage and go, boy summertime huh? How many hot girls are in New York City that are hardly wearing anything? I said when I die I want to come back as a Bank City bike seat. I would use that one night after night.

You can do that in New York because a lot of the crowd are tourists and they know enough to you know, there's been some wild shit going on in New York, fucking people getting run over. I can't even, the MK Ultra, that was one of the things Andy read that they purposely fill the headlines with negative shit To make you think you you know the world's coming in you're going crazy like and it works But that doesn't mean these things aren't happening you know fucking I watch these viral videos of Violence I don't want to say who again probably Irish Polish, and I'm like what the fuck I can't even words don't describe the disgust what the fuck else I got nothing really what did I do

I can't even I want to talk about my day yesterday I don't even can't remember what I fucking did came home and I don't know. I got to get the balls up to play the national anthem on my guitar, which I had mastered a couple of years ago. Now I'm onto bigger shit like the monkeys. What? All right, let's get to it. I got nothing.

Big announcements as far as politics go. I thought it was. If I hear one more asshole on the left saying, and obviously they're reading from the same memo, if Trump gets elected, democracy is, I can't believe that they have the nerve to fucking say that after Joe Biden trying to throw this guy in jail, his political opponent, Russia, fucking Russia, Russia and all the other laptop, all that horse shit, censoring right wing speech and you're saying, you can't buy that, you people that vote Democrat. Do you really?

Are you that fucking ignorant? I'll remind you again, Trump's a billionaire or even a multimillionaire if you want to say that. He doesn't even have to be doing this job. He could be golfing and getting whores left and right like a guy's supposed to do when you have that kind of dough. I'm kidding I wouldn't do any of that shit. I wouldn't. I'd pay for like some real exotic shit like a fucking black midget To walk with me through Savannah through the bad neighborhoods Of course I didn't think I had to say that

Anyways, anyways Trump announces his platform yesterday, which is More than we can say for dinkweed who was caught napping behind the boiler yesterday the Republican National Committee platform listen let me read this again yesterday the Republican National Committee platform committee who writes this horse how many fucking committees do you need adopted President Donald J Trump's 2024 Republican Party platform with overwhelming support a pro boy Did he remember a couple years ago? They go and he's gonna be the end of the Republican Party He's destroying it. But boy did he fucking corral them like a bunch of sheep

2024 Republican Party platform with overwhelming support a a pro-American agenda, God forbid, stands in stark contrast to the record of weakness, of failure and dishonesty created by Joe Jerkoff Biden. President Trump's platform serves as a contract with America. He got that from Newt Gingrich, who did that with Bill Clinton very successfully, it was named like that, a contract with America Voter that makes clear what we can and will deliver under President Trump administration with the Republican Party leading the country for the next four years.

That's if he's not an Islamic. Who the fuck knows what they're going to do to him? Here are the 20 promises. I won't get into too much detail. It will be here all night. But there's 20 steps that you or I could have written out if you look at the mess of the country. And they're all just what people want to hear. Except for you jerk-offs who just want to be right. You don't care what's good for the country.

Seal the border and stop the migrant. Again, here's how I get a problem, number one. It's not a migrant invasion. They're not fucking migrants. They're illegal fucking immigrant, alien Stop the migrant. Again, here's I got a problem number one. It's not a migrant invasion. They're not fucking migrants. They're illegal fucking immigrant alien fucks. Excuse my French. Stop with the politically correct language Donald. Uh, anyways, they're going to seal that.

That should be the first move by the way. Carry out the largest deportation operation in American history. Bye bye. I can't wait to see that. All right that's gonna look awesome. You want to hey you're gonna have to get the National Guard, the regular army, the Eagle Scouts, some lesbian Girl Scouts. It's gonna be a real undertaking but wouldn't it be sweet to see lines at LaGuardia? You know Biden that son of a bitch is flying people in. You know I mean unbelievable. How is that not being a traitor? Anyways I like that one a lot. End inflation and make America affordable again. Make America the

dominant energy producer in the world by far. He did that in like five minutes last time. He was in the office about a month and we were already, remember, energy independent. What, now why is that a bad thing, Joe and the rest of you psychotics? The climate. Yeah, oh that's right, the climate. You're going to break the sky. Fucking lying. Nothing's going to happen with the climate until you come down on China and India, who open a new fossil fuel factory every three minutes, apparently. Trump's going to stop outsourcing and turn the

United States into a manufacturing superpower. That means I don't have to get my lawn furniture from Beijing anymore. Large tax cuts for workers and no tax on tips. Thank God for that. I've been moonlighting as a waitress in Hooters here in Savannah. Fuckin' I... Defending our Constitution, our Bill of Rights, and our fundamental freedoms, including freedom

of speech, freedom of religion, and the right to keep and bear arms, all things that Biden is against. Period. Don't you move you motherfucker, blow your brains out. All things that should go without saying and never have to be mentioned. No, you're absolutely right. Prevent World War III. Restore peace in Europe and the Middle East and build a great Iron Dome missile defense shield over the entire country all made in America and

that Iron Dome you know who's gonna do that same people that built the you know who the the Astrodome back in the 70s and And the- That's no longer standing. That's right. It was good for raping during the flood. Remember that? Holy fucking moly. And the weaponization of government against the American people. How about the conservative American people? Really? Stop the

again, migrants, stop the illegal slime crime epidemic. Demolish the foreign drug cartel. Now don't get talking too big if you don't mean it Donald that would mean bombing a few people brought that up if that how else you're gonna do what are you gonna sit down and talk with them demolish the foreign drug that that would involve the military I don't know how you're gonna do that and be export people but whatever crush gang

violence and lockup violent offenders limit Taylor Swift to two albums a month rebuild our shitties including Washington DC I disagree let that fucker burn move it somewhere else where there's a majority of white folk. Put it right where it belongs in the middle of the United States. Put it in Iowa, making them safe, clean, and beautiful again. Strengthen and modernize our military, making it without question the strongest and most powerful in the world. Keep the United States dollar as the world's reserve currency.

I'm for that. Give me the fucking money, you hear me? Take it easy, Donnie. Yeah, because we're off the petrodollar. I brought that up a month ago on the show, which I explained to you. I don't even remember it. Other countries used to have to buy oil, no matter who they

were buying it from, in US dollars. We had an agreement back in the 70s that ended a couple months ago. And the people who know money the 70s that ended a couple months ago. And, you know, the people who know money said that's not a good thing. I don't have any money, so I don't know. Fight for and protect Social Security and Medicare with no cuts, including no changes to retirement age.

Thank Christ, I'm three years away. You think I'm gonna be going to yuck yucks again? Fucking Vancouver? Yes. Yes, I do. That's a lot of good blow out there. Let me tell you about Vancouver. I actually did ecstasy with Doug Stanhope there.

Went back to the room, ended up rubbing my own feet for the rest of the night. I can't make that shit up. Hey guys, in the second half of the show, I'm gonna be talking about mayor Eric Adams of New York City and his plan to save New York. He's got a good one Also the actual origin of the disease AIDS. They found out what it was. It's not what you think Yeah, get full episodes at a depalo and a lot of would crowd a show four days a week

at a DePaulo and Lauderdale crowd show four days a week. Brian Callan and Mr. Guns and Gear weekly. Exclusive live streams at Alex Jones for $9 monthly or $89 annually. That's exclusively on Mug Club, so sign up now. And for you listeners out there, we are now uploading the complete audio version of the show, in addition to the video, so watches can still access the version as normal.

Also, I wanted to mention, I don't have to mention it. You guys already know if you're watching on YouTube. The first half of this show is free on YouTube, right? Do I get that right? Cancel the electric vehicle mandate and cut costly and burdensome regulations. I'm all for that. I'm not against electric vehicles.

And again, but not at the expense of ruining our economy. You take your time with it. And you guys buy it on the left. Biden's like, everybody's going to have an electric vehicle in eight minutes. There's like three fucking plugins somewhere in Vermont. Fucking stupid. But again, nobody wants pollution.

I see buses. They're much better than they used to be. You young folk don't know it. Black shit used to be. You behind a bus? You couldn't see the fucking sky. What else? Cut federal funding for any school pushing critical race

theory, which is just black racism, radical gender ideology, and other inappropriate racial, sexual, or political content on our children. Yeah, but how about the young boys who get fucked by these hot teach? Leave that alone. They're doing people a service there. Nick, that's horrible. Hey, little boy.

Do you want some candy? I sure would, Mrs. Thomas. You got the keys to the Cadillac? Keep men out of women's sports. I'm against, Mrs. Thomas. You got the keys to the Cadillac? Keep men out of women's sports. I'm against that one. I wanted to see chicks try to tackle biological male. I wanted a football league where it was mixed with biological women against transgender women.

I just, I fantasize about some little girl going over the middle yeah little girl who's a waitress at fucking Ben Frank's I don't know what that is going over the middle and gets hit by somebody like my girl my girl Judy Gull comedian about 632 60 real liberal Jewish one of the funniest broads on the planet and seeing the girls head come off but that's all right not fair to women biological women in deport pro-hamas radicals and make our college campuses safe again and patriotic again swamp you can start right in New York City holy Christ secure our elections including same-day voting. What does that mean?

You have to vote on that one day? I hope that's what he means. Voter identification, paper ballots, and proof of... you better get on that one. You better do that now if you're talking about. Unite our country behind bringing it to new and record levels of success. I am your voice. The only reason you should take some of that shit serious is because he kept most of his promises if not all of them the first time he was in there. He didn't fucking turn into a dictator and shit like you girls are saying so. Alright so that's his platform. If you don't like it watch I'm gonna

use some strong language kiss my grits. Sorry Dallas is a devout Catholic. Let's move on. I only have like two political stories. Dana Bash gets bashed. I tell you Senate Senator Marco Rubio used history on Sunday to upend a popular liberal talking point, which we aforementioned, used to incite fear about the Donald Trump's potential return to the White House. For nearly a decade now, Democrats and media activists,

and that's what they are, have claimed that Trump is a fascist, in authoritarian, who will unconstitutionally seize dictatorial level power, unlike Joe Biden, who does illegal fucking business with our geopolitical enemies, China. They got him in his back pocket. His kid's a fucking crackhead. He's trying to arrest Trump on bogus charges, you know, if elected president

and bring an end to American democracy. That's what the left keeps saying about Trump getting elected. I am so tired of that shit. Donald Trump has said that he would go after Joe Biden. This is her talking, Dana Bash, that he would go after members of the Biden family that's never something they always quote they always quote Trump like at a rally when he's being hyperbolic do you know I'm saying he's exaggerating on purpose being a smart ass of being a smart ass they always quote that like he wrote it in his platform excuse me had some kitten He would go after members of the Biden family. That's never something that we've heard Joe Biden say. Yeah, you

never heard Joe Biden say he'd go after his own family, but he should. Donald Trump has said that. No, he hasn't. Rubio fired back. Uh, Rubio said I watched the debate and he was asked and he said, my vengeance will be winning and restoring America. Then Dana Bash, who again is a paid activist like anybody else, she must have been all right when she was 21. But this is how Dana Bash answered Rubio when Rubio said Trump never said that. You're telling me right now that a second Trump administration would not go after any Democrats, any of his political opponents, full stop.

You can, you have confidence that that wouldn't happen. Are you that scared of Trump? Yeah. Yeah. He was president before and he didn't do it then. He's already said that he wouldn't do that. He'll be too busy undoing all the damage of this disastrous presidency You fucking whore

I Didn't finish. I didn't finish up Robio's reply you fucking whore Yeah, that's it. Go home. Get my dinner ready. It got ugly You fucking whore. Yeah, that's it. Go home. Get my dinner ready. It got ugly That that is that it's funny I open with that today I forgot that was in the story, but that's the one That that you people who are still voting Biden and how Do you really? You had four years of Trump Did he do any of that?

Even any of it? Biden's done almost all of it. So you're being intellectually dishonest. But that's got nothing to do. You just want to win, I understand. Never mind the health of the country. Well, you're going to get smoked, and you know it. I mean, smoked.

Biden, I would say, and I said this yesterday, I would say by noon tomorrow he might be gone. I mean, it's right on the edge right now. Every meeting, they said they had some house meeting with Democrats and the guy came out and said, it's like a funeral in there. And here's the thing, you know, I get this other premonition. When Biden, and again, I've been saying on this show for two years He's not gonna be the nominee when they finally kick him out, which could be within minutes or hours a week, whatever He um They're gonna find them in the basement

dead Behind the boiler where he hides during campaigns. I Don't want that for him I'm just saying he's a very old hundred and seven oh god help us that's what I'm saying hey for those of you guys a mug club right now stick around for the second half of my show everyone else go go to nickdip.com. Join to get my full show, Stephen Crowder's full show, which is quite a production, and a whole lot more. And while you're there, go to my website nickdip.com.

And there are my tour dates. August 9, Jacksonville Center for the Performing Arts. That sounds way too fancy for me, but wait till you see what I do to it. I'll deflower that place. That's on a Friday night. The next night, August 10th, Gas South Theater in Duluth, Georgia, which I'm told is not far from Atlanta.

Probably drivable for me. Put my AR in the front seat. You know how that is. Anyways, so I hope to see you guys out there. Hi, good night everybody. Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! I'm out.