The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Axing Useless Agencies | Nick Di Paolo Show #1692

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

In this episode Nick talks about the Chinese Balloon, DOGE, Cheese and more! To watch FULL EPISODES and get ALL RUMBLE PREMIUM content AD FREE, join by clicking the link below, then the red RUMBLE PREMIUM button – enter Promo Code MUGCLUB and get $10 off an annual subscription! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow/exclusive MERCH - https://shop.nickdip.com/ TOUR DATES AND MORE - https://nickdip.com 2/20/2025 - Bricktown Comedy Club – Tulsa, OK 2/21/2025 - Funny Bone Westport, St. Louis, MO 3/13/2025 - Hyena’s, Albuquerque, NM 4/25/2025 - Cohoes Music Hall, Cohoes, NY 5/15-16/2025 - Zanies, Rosemont, IL SOCIALS -   https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

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Ontario I'm gonna be a good boy. What's this motherless fuck's name? Nick DiPaolo. DiPaolo. And I have a mom. What? What did you say? And I have a mom. And I have a mom. Yeah have a mom yeah anyways how are

you folks on it Wednesday all right Wednesday already oh my god I'll blink my eyes and I'll be in Tulsa selling tickets selling well both in Tulsa and st. Louis all the VIPs are already taken plus more and I'm telling you right now and this is inside baseball I usually don't let you guys in if both those places aren't full I'm hanging it up Tommy watches this he'll faint I need you out there I gotta pimp you out yeah I'm fucking I'm whatever I'm happy doing crowd is fucking shit writing for other people enjoying my fucking life all right and I love stand up like when I'm on step

But again the other 98 percent of it a lot of comics fucking hung up their cleats Jerry I saw Seinfeld an interview go. Yeah the road All the traveling people. Yeah, it's done a lot of comics in And I felt like saying not you you, you were flying layer jets your second year in the business staying at the fucking Hilton or whatever the swanky whatever Park Plot. I guarantee Jerry wasn't at the La Quinta Inn four blocks from Yuck Yucks. Anyhow, but I really do. You got to turn it out or I'm going to fucking, I've had enough. I've proved that. I get into comedy to prove I'm funny. You know to turn it out or I'm going to fucking have had enough. I've proved that.

I get into comedy to prove I'm funny. You know, that and the pussy. But the pussy didn't show up, so I neither did the other thing. So I'm studying welding at DeVry at night. That's not true. I found my wife, Caroline's Comedy Club. So I should make an exception. Excuse me. It was a nice recovery. What were we talking about when I came in today? Anything?

Yeah. Oh, I should have pulled this clip. There was a protest again against Doge yesterday, and it was Democrats. These were actually politicians. I don't know why I didn't pull this They were singing Some 60s protests on and it had like a bluesy and it's like a white woman in her 60s leading It was the most horrendous they are making such assholes of themselves. I can't believe how good this has been. I Know it was gonna be good if Trump won. I had no idea just how fucking retarded, and I don't understand why,

and I'm not joking how they haven't been designated, the whole party, a criminal organization. Now they're out there saying, we're going to fight in the streets. It's usually black politicians Jeffries and and and Younger black women younger than Maxine water. They always bring in the violent fucking, you know again if somebody in the Republican Party said it They got nothing Trump didn't just blow up

What's been going on over the last few years he blew up what the roadmap the Dems have been following for the last 60 years the whole identity that started in the late 50s and 60s and they blew it up they got nowhere to go and they resorted to saying fuck they have these rallies protests which shows they're fighting hard because they say fuck and then they're singing. Oh my God, it's the most embarrassing yet pleasurable thing. Not to mention the FEMA situation. Billions and... That's just the tip of the fucking iceberg.

Now they're finally being transparent and people have a problem. Again, it's been said now this week a million times, but you're attacking the messenger. It's like, like I said, you had your accountant come in and audit your business and he's showing you where you get ripped off by your employees and you fucking scream at him. So you're defending that, you're defending illegal immigrants who are rapists, some of them and murderers. You're morally bankrupt. You always were. You're finished. Anyways, let's get to it. This is first story even kind of proves some of that. Chinese spy balloon make in America. I think I meant made. Yeah, I was going to say. Unless I was

hearing a Chinese guy say that. The Chinese baroon that sparked panic when it flew over the US two years ago was wrong suspected set up to spy on America. But surprisingly with US made tech, I'll do that in English, that spy balloon a couple of years, that was already two years ago. I'm fucking, I am going to die soon. It is unbelievable. Wait till you guys get my age? It's fucking insane that balloon that that you know that Biden

Let float around for a couple days now. We know why he did because again, he's beholden to China They probably say you cut that you shoot that down. We kill you. We let you know about barisma Anyways the cocksucker let it float around all the guts inside of it was us made technology I'll say that again US made technology and I always have to do this I think it's a clever joke on my part but they they're always the Chinese are always know for stealing our intellectual property and I said that's just a retribution for us stealing their property when we sat next to them on a test in high school

it's a solid joke everybody isn't it? but uh these... she's just making it up from England the 200 foot tall 200 foot below 200 guys that's 10, 10 feet

that's 10 feet that's 10 feet I thought you were me to believe that the firms didn't know? That their shit was, maybe they didn't. Maybe their shit was stolen, they didn't know. But they should be keeping an eye on. That included tech to survey, take photographs, and collect other intelligent data, and even launchable gliders that could have flown on other recon missions.

They had a balloon with gliders inside of it. Where do I get one of these? So it was a mothership, huh? It was a mothership. Yes, it was mothership I want one of those I want a balloon I can Fly over Tybee yet sit in my couch and check out the broads on the beach to see if it's worth going a sit in my couch and check out the broads on the beach, see if it's worth going. A Chinese company would not have given them a full SATCOM, that means satellite communications coverage

of the United States. The technology matched a patent awarded in 2022 to scientists at the Chinese Academy of Sciences, Aerospace Information Innovation Research Institute in Beijing, which has links to China's military according to the Newsweek, which said it was briefed on the report but did not see it directly. What? The balloon also had a communication system

by Eridum, along with tech from four other US companies. Texas Instruments, they're still around? I used to, that was a calculator I had in second grade. It's where I learned to get bad in math. Omega Engineering and Amphenol All-Centures Corporation in a semi. Say what? I don't know.

Biden's son, Hunter Biden. and they threw him in jail because he had some pot in his suitcase and it was medical marijuana. Sitting in jail for three years and eight months, Trump got him out. Promised they would. Did. I gotta believe that's going to lead to, that has, it's going to tie in with negotiations with Ukraine and I gotta believe that's one of the chips. Meanwhile, Biden focused on What's Our Nuts chips. Meanwhile, Biden focused on what's our nuts? Basketball player? Yes, because we had a black man woman over there. That was important. Worst administration in history by a fucking, not only bad, like you say that about administrations because they were incompetent, but these fuckers are enemies. I can't say it enough. I wish they would stop calling them a Democrat Party and fucking call them whatever come up with something I'll give you $11 send it in

I'll take credit for it yeah so wait and I'm sure what's the other thing I heard US made was gonna go into go into other than the terrorists also getting money from USAID paying to get our soldiers blown up and putting us in. Should be a steady stream. He wouldn't have time. If Trump could indict all these people, they wouldn't have time. And that's what he said. It's really true.

Maybe when he's done, JD takes over and does it. Then they'll all be dead. or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat, and Roulette. With our ever-growing library of digital slot games, a large selection of online table games, and signature BetMGM service, there's no better way to bring the excitement and ambience of Las Vegas home to you than with BetMGM Casino. Download the BetMGM Casino app today. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly.

BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs, 19 plus to wager,ense remind you to play responsibly. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge.

BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Anyways, let's get to bett mgm operates pursuant to an operating agreement with i gaming ontario uh... anyways let's get to uh... we got to talk about those doge takes acts the federal agencies president trump is set to sign this was yesterday was set to sign an order in expect the side yesterday instructing the department of our government official to potentially

toss entire federal agencies and hire only one federal worker to replace every four who leave. That means minus three. If I do my calculus right, entire agencies and part of agencies may be eliminated because I love it entire agencies. There's a million of them actually 400 something because their functions aren't required by law I mean you know who we haven't heard from Vivek what the what's going on there I'm a little nervous I know he's running for governor of Ohio maybe he's busy doing that but I don't hear him weighing in I Am I going, did him and Elon get in a fucking pissing match? Two autistic guys.

But Elon is trimming the fat. It's what he's good at. And so is Vivek, by the way. Department of Education. They're actually cutting up the people that work there. They're actually cutting up the people that work there. Personnel relating to national security, public safety, law enforcement and immigration enforcement are all exempt from this order. And I read some comment today, yeah, so when you guys are yelling about how useless federal

government, don't forget though, that's not who we're talking about. You know it. It's FEMA people and all the other horse shit. Stop it, you guys poor guys, you got nothing. I'm so confident I would debate somebody on Meet the Press from the fucking Biden administration or from any Democrat. Hakeem Jeffries, that's your leader?

A punk from Brooklyn who's just a whitey hater? Anyways, there are currently more than four hundred agencies in sub-agencies in the federal government the fact sheet said noting that the sheer amount of federal workers just the workers led to a three hundred billion with a b three hundred billion dollars in salary spending in twenty twenty two that doesn't tell you you fucking governments bloated looks like Rosie O'Donnell after Chinese food and Ted Heineken's the next month Nick

did you really use Rosie O'Donnell I couldn't think of another fat fucker right grab one whatever you want like anyways Elon Musk joined Trump in the Oval Office for the signing yesterday some Some people make life look so good. This guy's got 11 kids, I think they said, right? 10 or 11, which makes me love him. He's like a black defensive act. Remember Cromartie for the Jets? He had 16 kids strewn out all over the place.

I think his name was Cromartie, something like that. And Elon. By the way, Elon is on the spectrum. I guess that's out in the open. Can can somebody flip a little ass burgers my way? Because I know a few people who have ass burgers and you know what, they're fucking brilliant. Sure, if something goes wrong while they're eating breakfast, they'll tear up the kitchen with a hammer. That's true, they fucking flip out.

Well, it depends. But I also knew somebody else that had Asperger's Was on the spectrum and I saw him watching a hockey game I was gonna meet this kid at a bar and he had told me he was on this but and I walked in He was watching the Rangers at a crowd and the Rangers had just scored and he jumped around and did this weird dance Which they do. I also Google that when they get excited they do I don't think Trump this I don't think that's that but here he is with his one of his 19 kids and and this look being being a father is you know I can that that's a full-time

job he's got his kid with him which I love every time he shows up he's got a different one they're like he's like he picks out shoes I'll wear these today and he brings this little kid this little kid I cut the part out where the kid was picking his nose and putting it on the desk I was crying I was laughing so hard. Anyways, this is, like Trump is about to sign this thing, and this is Elon explaining how a democratic government should really work when it comes to, you know, it's like a business. So if there's not a good feedback loop from the people

to the government, and if you have rule of the bureaucrat, if the bureaucracy is in charge, then what meaning does democracy actually have? If the people cannot vote and have their will be decided by their elected representatives in the form of the president and the Senate and the House, then we don't live in a democracy. We live in a bureaucracy. So it's incredibly important that we close that feedback loop. We fix that feedback loop, and that the public,

the public's elected representatives, the president, the House, and the Senate, decide what happens as opposed to a large, unelected bureaucracy. A fucking man that simple. Somebody once said a great quote when the politicians or the presidents, I forget, fear of the people. That's democracy.

When the people fear the government, that's tyranny. Something like that. You know who said that? Very surprisingly, comedian Supe Sales. You guys remember him? I did mention Crowder's like third or fourth right as far as streaming shows in the country. On the planet, I should say. So I'm comfortable there. Big week next week, Dallas. Pack in that bag for like five days. And on planes. Got to connect on the way home too. I think.

Or maybe that's the one in March. Whatever. And on you guys' folks, it's just after years after years. I can't believe. I look back and I go, how the fuck? Luckily when you're young and stupid, you think you're in show business playing the laugh hut in Philly. It's really a paycheck anyways

let's move on more cheese please who doesn't like cheese I'll tell you who fucking assholes cheese I like it melted eight sticks of cheese in my car while I'm driving like a thing of a Montchart Cheddar. Put it my cheek like it's tobacco, spit it out the window. Hmm, sharp and good. Alcohol consumption tends to increase wet February because people do dry January. I thought that was talking about my wife's work. So everybody, it's so stupid, they stay dry for January and then they go nuts to make up for it in February. So everybody, it's so stupid. They stay dry for January, and then they go nuts to make up for it in February.

So likelihood of hangovers is going to happen. Dr. Nina Chandrasekharan, seen here a picture on Dallas's mantle at his house, he hides it where the picture of the family that came with the frame. And every time his wife leaves leaves he yanks that out. This is a doctor? I got a lump on both nuts. Would you like to check it out Nina? Nina Chandrasekharan, a pulmonary critical care physician,

oh my god she's brilliant too, I'm Indians I'll tell ya, in South Florida recently suggested that a popular food Can help prevent the sickening feeling that follows a night of heavy? Boozing this is her theory and I don't know who's gonna argue with it between her face and cheese Here's another example of her wanting to get spotted and be famous, I think. But can you blame her? Some guy's going to go, some zanian is going to go, and she's a fucking pulmonary specialist. See, I don't need that.

I wanted to, but my wife could have been a pulmonary, I didn't know that when I met her. I thought she was a slight retarded, that's why I put the ring on her. But listen, folks, she turned out to be a genius. It's very difficult to live with i'm playing jeopardy and she's smoking me i fucking throw a shoe at the tv it's getting ugly anything that comes up with books still watching ken jenning on his run by the way ken jennings i've never seen anything like it in my life he embarrasses the people next to him i can't he hasn't missed a

book question fuck it ever it's scary, Nina, tell us about that cheese. Things they don't tell you part 200. Oh my god, she's got the voice of a 19 year old. If you are going for a night out on the town and you are going to drink alcohol, eating cheese before drinking alcohol can decrease your risk of having a hangover. This is because cheese has a lot of protein, fat and complex carbs that can coat the stomach. Pause. Yeah, well this is fun, funny coming out of a pulmonary specialist. It can also clog your fucking tubes. I mean clog your, it's one of the ones that I try to stay away from because it is so delicious. ones that I try to stay away from because it is so delicious. I love it. All but Swiss. Swiss, I don't dig Swiss. It's weird. It's muted for me. I like the

sharp shit. I don't like the Swiss. It tastes like something that went bad and it's still bad. But she's a pulmonary specialist. She's telling you eat fucking cheese. So who knows? These Calcutta people are fucking robots. Anything else there? This is the absorption of alcohol. Cheese can help the body metabolize alcohol better and prevent liver damage. Okay and fair enough because it would call I can see that but how about me and the millions of people that are lactose intolerant? I mean, if I look at a chunk of cheese, next thing you know, I get Dizzy Gillespie doing a solo up my ass.

It's a G note. It's a D chord. Goodness gracious. Anyways, Sean Draskan reported that cheese can help the body better metabolize beer and cocktails, potentially reducing liver damage. A 2023 study of Korea indicated that probiotic cheese enriched with Lactococcus lactis and less than 55% of Bacchylalysis plantarum bacteria can reduce hangover symptoms by enhancing the liver's ability to process alcohol via the activation of specific signaling path. The other thing that's great for hangovers before you go to bed

I know water we all know that the hydro no you go to Burger King or McDonald's greasy food people learn that when they're in high school in college not that'll stop a hangover like four fucking heart-clogging Big Macs. Waffle house is a Waffle house but you're gonna get shot. You don't need that shit. You already got a cheese problem. Hey folks, tour dates coming up. Go to nickdip.com. Click on the tour button. As you see, February 20th, Brick Town Comedy Club. This is next week by the way. Brick Town Comedy Club in Tulsa, Oklahoma very next night February 21st the Funny Bones St. Louis Missouri March 13th Hyena's in Albuquerque New Mexico April 25th try finding a direct flight from Albuquerque

I have to go through Vietnam and then connect in France to get back to the house April 25th Cahos musical Cahos New York May 15 and 16 I can't wait Zanies and Rosemont Illinois if you guys want to support my show go to the house. April 25th, Cahos Music Hall, Cahos, New York. May 15 and 16, I can't wait, Zanies and Rosemont, Illinois. If you guys want to support my show, go to the merchandise page. Got all kinds of new stuff, hats, baseball caps, Nick DiPaulo slinkies and bibs. And what do you call the bump stock on the guns? Got those? Yeah, and all that stuff. Buy it, please. Thank you. If you're watching the free version of this show,

you can watch full episodes of my show, Louder with Crowder, and all exclusive Rumble content. You can watch it ad free with one subscription. Click the red premium button below and enter promo code Mug Club. It's one word to get $10 off your annual subscription. And I can toss this Dallas you said? No, not for tomorrow.

Oh yeah, we got another day. Fuck. I thought we were done today. Hi, good night everybody. I'm gonna be a man So I'm gonna be a star