The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump Breaks Tik Tok Cherry | Nick Di Paolo Show #1579

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Trump at UFC, Joe's invasion, new Pride and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 What's this motherless fuck's name? I don't know, Nick DiPaolo. How's it going, folks? Great to be with you on a Monday. I'm only kidding. Don't want to be with you on a Monday. I'm only kidding. Don't want to be here anywhere on a Monday. Could have laid in that fucking bed for the next 18 hours. Rub one out and get up on Thursday.

Who's with me? Anybody? Anyways, quick sports update. If you're a hockey fan, you got the Florida Panthers are playing the Edmonton Oilers for the Stanley Cup. Probably start in a few days. I don't know. Florida has the home rink advantage, as they would say. I think Florida should mow them down in four straight, in my opinion. They play like the fucking Bruins of the 80s or 70s. Just relentless four checking. They hit anything that moves. They're big. They're fast. They all have a chip

on their shoulder, and they will not be denied. Now, will I go on FanDuel and lay five grand down? Now, I don't sound like I know what I'm talking about. I would like to. I'm not sure. Anyways, that's for you hockey fans. Real quick, Red Sox win one, lose one, win one. Can I just say something? Fun team to watch. They had five rookies in the lineup. These are five rookies a couple nights ago. Everybody's fucking starting to get some people back next week, I guess.

Costas is going to start swinging, you know, which means he'll be ready in August. You know, baseball, fucking whatever. But they win one, they lose one. Their pitching is still good. We got this kid fucking Sandan Raffaella. He plays center field and shortstop.

He made two catches. He is the Andrew Jones of, I think he's from Curacao, like Andrew Jones was. He is that guy, only he hasn't filled out yet. He's a skinny. But he's got 33 Red Bees. He's only hitting 200, only he hasn't filled out yet. He's a skinny, but he's got 33 Red Bees. He's only hitting 200, but he hits when this guy's on base

and scoring because every time. And he's unbelievable in the field. And they get a bunch of other rookies, and they're hanging in there. I got to give Cora credit. They should be 14 games out. Anyways, who gives a fuck? I agree. Why don't I turn this on?

Is this the first time I've done this show? I take a weekend off, and it really is. Do you understand I'm getting shit from AARP in the mail and shit with my picture on it? The guy wiping my ass with a sponge, and I'm crying and shit. It's really fucking horrible. Anyways, what's going on?

Oh, well, you might as well stay on the sports thing. UFC watched it, of course. Man, I should get some type of plaque. I don't miss these things. But Poirier, Dustin Poirier, and Makhlachev or Makhlachev, whatever his fuck. Anyways, he's one of those guys from a Stan area. No, he's from Russia, actually. But he's got the Muslim beard and shit.

And they are, to this sport, he's from Russia, actually. But he's got the Muslim beard and shit. And they are, to this sport, what Dominicans are to baseball. They are phenomenal at this shit. And Dustin Poirier's a ho. Anyways, why am I saying that? Because Trump was there. Trump breaks his TikTok cherry at UFC 302.

Donald Trump's first TikTok video sees him join forces with UFC CEO. Too bad things didn't work out for Dana White, huh? But you know what? This guy lost his fortune. One of those guys that just gambles, loses it all. I don't know how they fucking do it.

It's called the man, actually. Anyway, CEO Dana White, Joe Rogan, podcaster, and UFC color commentator was also in attendance at the fight and was seen shaking hands with Trump. In the opening of the TikTok clip, Trump says it's his honor to be on the social media platform. Now, you remember, he was trying to get this banned. And I still haven't got an explanation what the turnaround was.

But I know his younger people who were around him said, you've got to be on this. If he's going to be on it, you got to be on it. I mean, whatever. You're helping the Chinese. You know what I'm saying? It's kind of weird. But whatever the fuck.

But here he is, breaking his cherry on TikTok. The president is now on TikTok. It's my honor. Look at the welcome he gets. That's a kid Rock in the background. That's the song they played for him. He goes, it was a good walk, all right?

Kid Rock song. And UFC star Sean Strickland, who fought, he's one of my favorites. Boring fight for him. He loves to brawl. He won against this guy, Paul Costa, who's a fucking badass. He's like a handsome. He's one of these guys like, what the fuck, really? Looks like a male model, but he's fucking ripped.

He's not the fighter he was, though. Strickland won. Strickland goes, that was a fucking boring fight. Sorry, folks. That's why people love him. Anyways, Strickland gave Trump a was a fucking boring fight. Sorry, folks. That's why people love him. Anyways, Strickland gave Trump a shout out after a split decision over Paolo Costa in the co-main event. I think this is Strickland right here. President Trump, you're the man, bro.

It is a damn travesty what they're doing to you. I'll be donating to you, my man. Let's get it done. Let's get it done. Let's get it done. Congratulations, sir. Sean Strickland, ladies and gentlemen. He's looking at you, kid. He was the best guy around.

Still is. Fights were pretty good. Two broads were actually great. Black chick choosing how good at this shit. Oh, that was the prelims. Anyway. The WNBA. Yeah, or the WNBA. We'll get to that.

Those thugs. Just pure jealousy and racism. All these years telling white people they're right, and we really know who the most racist, hateful people on the planet are. Especially black women. Whether it's Maxine Waters or some broader 20s in the WNBA, they're just fucking resentful, hateful, jealous. There's even black women, fucking run, whether it's Maxine Waters or some broad in her 20s in the WN, they're just fucking resentful,

hateful, jealous. There's even black guys, I don't know why I'm doing this story now, but in the NBA defending Caitlin Klecker, where's your teammates? They should be fucking

this girl up. Anyways, getting all excited. Can't keep my hate in or my hate on. Let's get to some politics and the worst president in the history. And I love how Trump reminds people of it. We haven't been on since he got, right?

The guilty verdict on all 34 counts, which I was hoping. Because it just shines a light on what a crock of shit. And to see people on the left shaking their head and going, yeah, he deserves. They're worried people on the left saying this is and going, yeah, he deserves it. They're worried people on the left saying this is ridiculous. That's how bad it is. Okay? Just think about that. And then fucking jerk off Joe this weekend

going, and for him to say that it was a rigged jury is dangerous. It's devite. Can you imagine? Can you, you got to hand it to this jerk off. He must be really brain dead. Because if he had a few marbles left, he'd say to his handlers, they're going to see right through that. But he can you, you got to hand it to this jerk off. He must be really brain dead because if he had a few marbles left, he'd say to his handlers, they're going to see right through that. But he can't, he doesn't, he has no idea. He reads what's on the teleprompter. Anyways,

well, the Biden administration is attempting to look like it's getting tough on the border. Behind the scenes, it's operating a program of mass amnesty for migrants. Data shows that since 2022, more than 350,000 asylum cases filed by migrants have been closed by the U.S. government if the applicants don't have a criminal record or otherwise not deemed a threat to the country. This means that while the migrants are not granted or denied asylum, their cases are terminated. Well, then you should just say that they're fucking granted asylum. The cases are terminated without a decision on the merits of their asylum claim.

Why don't you just give them a thought? Well, you probably do. They are removed from the legal system and no longer required to check in with authorities. And the sad part is you'll see some Democrats saying, oh, Mayorkas will look you right in the eye and go, no, we're tough

on the border. We're tough. Un-fucking-believable. I'm going to find out what the hell happens here. Yeah, somebody got to. This is incredible, man. This is why I'm praying Trump gets elected because i want to see the deport deport what that looks like uh the move allows them the migrants illegals legally indefinitely roam about the united states without fair deportation effectively letting them slip

through the cracks this is just a massive amnesty under the guise of prosecutorial discretion, according to Andrew Arthur, a former immigration judge who now works for the Center for Immigration Studies. Those aren't the most fucking right-wing people either. And even he's saying, he says this, you're basically allowing people who don't have a right to be in the U.S. to be here indefinitely. Fucking. to be here indefinitely. Fucking believable. You fucking people. You have no idea how to defend a nation.

ICE officers add that they have seen an increase in cases of tuberculosis and tit-wandering. What? No. An increase in tit-wandering. What is that? Oh, no, bruh. Increase in case of such migrants committing crimes. By the way, two NYPD cops were shot this weekend by somebody from fucking Guatemala or some shit. When are the people going to stand up and fucking grab the guy?

You guys, you thought you saw an insurrection. If Trump doesn't get elected, you'll see an insurrection. Such migrants... I'm not promising. I'm just, that's my prediction. Don't get all over me. It's on the board in Vegas. Minus 150. Such migrants committing crimes after their asylum cases have been dismissed, forcing agents to restart removal proceedings, which typically takes years.

Have you ever seen a... I want to say inefficient, but it's not. It's efficient because it's what they want. They're actually doing a beautiful job of shitting all over this country. Please let everyone know what's really going on, an ICE officer told the New York Post. In 2020, during the Trump

administration, 48,000 migrants were ordered removed from the U.S. by immigration court judges. Fewer than 20,000 people were granted asylum and 4,700 people had their cases closed or were otherwise allowed to remain in the country. In 2022, under Biden, a memo issued by ICE enforcement's principal legal advisor, Kerry Doyle, seen here with the glasses that say I'm offended by anything and I've never got a dick I like, and seen by the post-instructed prosecutors at the agency to allow cases to be dismissed for migrants who aren't deemed national security threats.

Even if that's true, there's still, we have national security threats sneaking in that they don't even know about running around the country. That year, 36,000 were ordered removed, 32,000 were awarded asylum, and 102,550 had their cases dismissed or otherwise taken off the books, 10 times the number in 2014. It's just so ridiculous. In 2023, there were 149,000 cases in this latter category. And so far in financial year 2024, which ends September 30th, the data is certain to surpass that with 114,000 cases closed already.

Good job, Joe. Anyway, second half of the show, I'll be talking about why Spotify, it's like every other corporation. They love to fuck artists like myself and musicians and magicians. And Fauci right now as we speak is being questioned again. And again, it's to me, the Republicans are just as bad. Okay, you're going to question them and say, look, we caught you in all this. So that's to make you and I feel comfortable that we're pushing back

classic Washington generals. Anyways, so he's in front of it. And now they have a lot of shit proving he was lying. And I was listening to it on the radio. I had to change the channel. I couldn't fucking, every Democrat was defending Fauci.

Anyways, get full episodes of Nick DiPaolo Show and Louder with Crowder four days a week. Brian Callen and Mr. Guns and Gear Weekly and exclusive live streams with Alex Jones for $9 monthly or $89 annually. That's exclusively on Mug Club, so sign up now. And for you listeners out there,

we are now updating the complete audio version of the show in addition to the video. Watchers can still access the video version as normal. And we thank you for your patronage. Just give it a boop. Hey boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts,

hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to NickDip.com and click on store. Again, that's NickDip.com. Click on store.

Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Proud not to be gay. I'm proud not to be gay. You heard me. I'm proud not to be gay, but I'm not proud to be straight because you shouldn't be proud to be straight or be gay or because you had nothing to do with it. End of stories. No more pride flags. Fuck the parades. All that shit should be illegal. Trump should go full dictator. Anybody wearing a rainbow will be shot at 5 o'clock on fucking ABC.

And again, it's got nothing to do with, it never does. It's nothing to do with skin color or your sexuality because we really don't give a fuck. But it's the Dems who keep this shit alive. They're the ones for years saying that shit shouldn't be important. Yet they're the ones, this is how they control people, the vision, whether it's heterosexual, straight. Anyways, one saloon has had enough. The one I go to, it's called,

I like my dick and I'll stick it in your ass. It's a bad name for a straight club. A saloon in Idaho. God bless Idaho. Probably an acre's left of being red because all the fucking fruit cups are moving from the West Coast. A Salon in Idaho is drawing both jeers and cheers for its cheeky counter-programming to Pride Month. By the way, today, this week, this month, it's Pride Month. I can't even say it. I'm so excited. Pride Month. I can't even say it. I'm so excited. Declaring June, this saloon is declaring June heterosexual awesomeness month. Real catchy. Billing it as a celebration of all things straight. That rules out my dick. Fucking thing's making a fucking U-turn. Come join us all month to celebrate heterosexuals,

for without them, I love this, none of us would be here. That is a great point that should be emphasized. Old State Saloon in the city of Eagle wrote in a Facebook post announcing a month of festivities and drink specials. Ain't gonna see no Bud Light there, I'm guessing. Every Monday in June will be hetero male Monday.

Oh my God. You'll be thrown in prison. With a free draft beer given to any heterosexual male dressed like a heterosexual male. It is Idaho. That should be easy. Oh my God. But I wonder if you're like a trans, if you're a trans man,

if you're going to show up and go, hey! I bet you they don't. So yeah, heterosexual male, you get a free beer on Mondays. Hound dog is going to eat that pussy. Delicious. Thank you.

We should go there. I wish I had tons of money. But I was like Crowder, we would fly out tonight and film an episode. Get our free beer. But we'd come in in dresses just to see what happens. Wednesday will be for couples, where each heterosexual couple received 15% off their bill.

Has any of the fruit cups, any of the groups filed suit yet? Thursdays are ladies' nights, heterosexual ladies to be precise. No mustaches or beards or 5 o'clock shadows or 14-inch ankles or necks will be allowed. With her hetero happy hour, promising happy hour prices for straight women all day long. That's right. Now that's when you want to get down there, fellas. The Facebook post drew nearly 2,000 comments. See, with a hot button issue.

Within 72 hours, I should say, with a well-balanced mix of people applauding this subversive mock celebration. Who says it's mock? Why is it mock? Mock celebration and those who took offense. People on, really, online took offense to something that isn't pro-gay? This is horribly disappointing. I can handle differing political views. Whenever you hear them start with that, the next sentence shows that they can't. I cannot handle bigotry and hate. Those are the two

words that have destroyed this country, by the way. I used to complain about the word hate on tough crowd in 2001. That's when that phrase would come in. When anybody disagreed, they'd go, oh, you're a hater. And that caught on. So if you disagree with anything, it's considered hate. And it's been a useful tool for them fuckers. Will you people on the right come up with something? Yeah, I don't recall seeing the hate in everything you read before, but... That's right. No, that's exactly right. I cannot handle bigotry and hate towards marginalized communities. Nobody knows what that is either. Nobody knows what that is either.

What is that? You've got to hand it to the left. And again, I'm sure it's been down in history. It's probably how Marxism works or whatever. It's the language. You start with a fucking language, and everything's an attack now. When a senator disagrees, they go.

In the New York Post, might as well be far left now with the people who write it. Maybe it's AI, but he attacked her. In other words, he fucking disagreed with her. Anyways, yeah, so this person online, obviously gay, can't handle the hate or bigotry towards marginalized communities. And to that I say. It means sit on this, cocksucker.

How'd that be another person weighed in at 215 pounds out of Brockton, Massachusetts Imagine being this insecure somebody said See, that's that's a pro-gay person say that the people that are putting this on of being insecure Cuz and say that the people that are putting this on are being insecure. Because you could just reverse that. It's you guys who have to have gay week, gay month, for the last 1,000 years, parades,

to celebrate your sexuality, when nobody's saying nothing about it. Yes, gays get beat up here and there, but so do fucking white people, black people, Asians. Get the fuck over yourself. Imagine being this insecure. Insecure? They haven't said boo.

I'm sure this will change everything. Eight people that own a bar in fucking Idaho, push them back a little. How insecure? But a supporter commented, this is absolutely fantastic. This guy had a girl's head in the freezer. I'm watching too much ID Network. Thank you for taking a stand for the rest of the community, who don't call yourself community straight people,

who has been too scared to do the right thing. Another commenter said, I love that you have the balls to do a hetero male Monday party. And that's what young kids, they think that that takes balls today. You know what I mean? They think that's really like a courageous. And it would be if you worked in an office building and said we're having a straight, you know, or you're in politics. But when, you know, at a bar and shit, that's how brainwashed these poor young kids are.

Some people use the comments thread to troll the more easily offended posters. Somebody wrote, heterosexuals maintaining the human species for 40,000 years. You're welcome, one person said. Tell me that doesn't, try arguing that point. Folks, gay people, we don't have that. Please. Gay people have been around forever. We know that. For fuck's sake. Unfortunately.

Now listen. What? Oh, for Christ's sake, I'm kidding. Hey, for those of you guys in Mug Club, stick around for the second half of this terrific show. Everyone else, you go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, the great Steven Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more. Waiting for Tommy to get my full show, The Great Steven Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more.

Waiting for Tommy to get the link. I'm giving him till, when's the first gig in August? Like the 10th? I think it's the first week and a second. I'm just waiting when it's exactly eight weeks out, and then I'm going to have to yell at Tommy. And go, didn't you learn anything from the other guy?

I hope he's not watching that one. Hi. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else

I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed Like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job Like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else See you singing, what are you?

I'm not like everybody else Baby