The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump & DeSantis Tee Off | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1856

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

In this episode, Nick talks about Guthrie Updates, Ron & Don Golfing, A Real Red Scare, 150 Year Old Booze, No Nirvana for Kurt, Cain Set Free, A Weaponized Chair and Cali Seniors! The FULL SHOW is live streaming & FREE-ONLY on Rumble! Join our LIVE CHAT at 6pm ET every Mon-Thu or watch the FULL EPISODE anytime on demand after 7pm ET. Follow my Channel and get notified! https://rumble.com/c/TheNickDiPaoloShow MERCH - Grab some mugs, hats, hoodies, shirts, stickers etc… https://shop.nickdip.com/ PERSONAL VIDEO FROM ME – Send someone a personal video from me! Go to https://shoutout.us/nickdipaolo  or www.cameo.com/nickdipaolo SOCIALS/COMEDY- Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy!  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

Hey, Ontario! Come down to BetMGM Casino and see what our newest exclusive the Price is Right Fortune Pig has to offer. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show, only at BetMGM. Check out how we've reimagined three of the show's iconic games like Plinko, Clifhanger, and the Big Wheel into fun casino game features. Don't forget to download the BetMGM Casino app for exclusive access and excitement on the Price's Right Fortune Pick. Pull up a seat and experience the Price's Right Fortune Pick, only available at BetMGMpt. MGM Casino. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only.

Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact ConX Ontario at 1866-531-260 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGEM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Hello, welcome, folks. Welcome to the live lineup. Let me, uh, fucking.

get this piece of shack going. You get my show, obviously, you're watching, you hear me, God, who wrote that fucking? Laudeau and Crowder and all these other shows for free. If you want it, ad free, you sign up for Rumble Premium. It's great. Like I said, the lineup goes from like the morning to night, like, you know, like a news station, like Fox or CNN,

and only, you know, with real, I get to curse and say shit, racist shit, sexist shit. It's a lot of fun. I call it the truth. They call it misogynistic, racist, and it's been very effective for the left. That's all they label the truth. Can't handle it.

I don't know what more there is to talk about with these fucks. I can't stand them. The people, it can't be, these can't be real people online. When I go on on X, they can't be real people, saying the most fucking heinous shit,

even for lefty. They know right where I breathe, They must, I know they have the fucking logarithms, and they know that I always, well, I don't respond to them. But they say shit that is, one woman's like, I'm a vet, and I've had enough of this shit. This is not the country I grew up. No, it's not the country you grew up. And thanks to fucking Biden and the rest of you shitheads who have left 50 million people

from another country. Of course it's not the country. Trump's trying to make it the country that you like, you fucking idiot. Oh my God. And I'm yelling at it. It's probably a bot from China. You know what I mean? That's what people don't understand.

Remember we? Christ, probably a year ago. When we first started talking about AI, and we did a story where there was like eight people on the screen and they were all fake. Remember that one? They looked just like regular, random people you'd see anywhere, but they were all fake.

And they're laying it on heavy. That's how you know the left is nervous. Trump's really kicked him where they breathe because they are laying it on heavy, you know. We'll talk about that, but weekend was, you know, I kept, I came and I go to Dallas. I know I've told you this 10 times, but I nailed the New York recipe for Pete. I fucking nailed it. And I did, folks. I might have to do it again.

We only do, because of Rumble, it's a different setup. So we only do, you know, Nick's bitch and kitchen when we have to put one in the oven, so to speak. What am I writing for the post? Yeah, zing, zing. If people are asking why we don't do, you know, I got to do four days a week. So anyways, yeah, and I made a fucking,

you know what's funny? I stayed away from bread and shit, you know, most of my life just because I have no impulse control. I could eat a loaf of bread and not chip for 11 years and still do it. And I made a loaf of artisan bread. I should have put the picture. It's too easy. You guys ever make your own bread?

It's too fucking easy. You wonder why, you know, they were eating it at 4,000 BC. They were making bread. It's fucking too easy. Oh my God. You know when you go to a great restaurant they hand you warm bread before the foot. That's what I was on top of the pizza. So I have enough carbs to run two marathons today yet I won't get off the couch. How do you explain it? Gianna just got a mill. She got a mill? What she do? Hit the lottery. Get it? It's a fucking money. I fuck a cock. She got a mill. These guys take it to another level.

for flour milling flour yeah I got a young girl to do that Asian we call her Millie wow we're off to a riproaring start aren't we for my buddy Zook would have loved that joke anyhow

yeah so that was that watched a lot of you I forgot how much I like the Winter Olympics I got to be honest with you excuse me and the luge out of all of them I always talk about how dangerous downhill skiing is, the luge. There's two kinds.

The ones that you lay it on your back. Fends the other kind where you're laying face forward. And they literally try to keep their chin an inch and a half to two inches off the ice. And they're doing Dallas, they're doing, what were they doing, 85, 75 or 85 miles an hour? Do you know what that looks like? Have you ever been in a, the lower you are, the faster it looks. You ever been in a sports car? When you're doing 70, it feels like you're doing 170.

Can you imagine what that looks like? Your chin is literally like this. And you're dead meat. If anything, anything good. And that's why we watch it. I'm not watching to see him go to the finish line. It's like NASCAR. I want to see people burning up and fucking cars flipping over.

When fucking Earnhardt died, I was fucking cackling. It's like, yeah, you're doing 140 in traffic. you made a hard right into the wall that happens I've never seen and then Colin Jost from S&L they had him

somewhere he said he was in Lake Plath I don't know if he was in maybe he's out Milan I don't know but he took a ride on the back of a bobsling and he said

I literally thought he goes I was almost crying he said I thought I was going to die he goes the G forces and the fucking and they showed it from they must have a fucking can

camera on his helmet. It's like you're a rocket ship. And it doesn't do it justice on TV because what you don't realize is this is how steep those things are. When you're watching on TV, you just think they're doing this. You're going down a mountain. It is really phenomenal. And what's even more amazing the sport itself is how they build these things and how beautiful they are. They show one from the air, from a drone looking down at the, the bluish thing. And it's, they show the entire thing, and it's like this for like two miles. And then there's a hairpin turn, and it goes like an underpass, like you would in a highway. What the, and they're doing 80 on a sled.

So, of course, I had to Google. This is where, I don't know what's wrong me. I googled luge deaths. Luge deaths. And because I remember, and it was 2010, I know somebody get killed right on air. I remember it. I'm like, who was that? Sure enough, I put that in.

I forget the guys, I think he was Japanese. Makes sense, isn't it? I want to say it doesn't matter. But he was on the fucking looge. Coming around a corner at 80, falls off the sled. So now he just goes up. He goes flying out of the picture. His body, sleds keeps going.

He goes flying out of the picture and just hit some scaffolding and shit. Dead instantly. None of this, oh, we hope he's all right? None of that shit. They couldn't even fake this one. They're like, oh, God. Dead as a doorknail. I don't take that shit for granted.

Put on 11 helmets. I don't give a fuck. I think they should add alcohol to it, though. I mean, I always said that about NASCAR, too. You should have a happy owl before the race. That was one of my bits when I was a young comic. Let's do a happy owl before the fucking Daytona 500.

See how good you are. That was the bit because there was a guy named Jackie Stewart. If you guys remember, if you were my age, he was a Formula One race there, and he won a bunch of, he was famous. He's an English guy. And he used to go, you know, he'd be doing the color comment. There'd be a crash, and it'd be like, and the whole premise of the joke was that's why people watch. But he'd be like, oh, this is horrible, what a terrible. This is just tragic for him and his family, but let's take another look in super slow motion again.

That was literally like second year in comp. Maybe first. That might have been a fucking right out of open mic that bit. And then I got into the good shit, you know, hating on woman pussy jokes. And people said, he's, get him out of here. All right, enough babbling on my part. Let's get to the, we've got enough stories to last us a week here. Speaking of sportcasters.

Oh, Jesus. Thank you, Dallas. I don't know, my buddy sent me this. Can I play ball with up at Maine? There was a Celtics broadcast. Anybody who's a Celtics fan You're my age, you know who this guy is. His name was Johnny Most.

He was the Celtics play-by-play guy. And the whole time I remember in my 20s, he had cancer the whole time. And he had the bright flight Johnny Mouse. You know, when they buried him, and it's true, they were removing limbs from him like every year. When they buried him in like a fucking breadbox,

fucking he had, I think he had one leg left of some shit. But he was known as the most homer, biased announcer in the history. And this is when the Celtics were, you know, Larry Byrd killer. And they had these ugly rivalries with a pistons. They used to brawled them in the Lakers. And this is Johnny Most. This is him being unbiased.

Listen to this. Hi, there's sport fans. This is Johnny Most reporting for the Boston Celtics. Look at him. And we're starting to see the bang, bank stuff now. Rodman is all over Bird. And there is a violent, violent knocked down by Lambert. A completely unnecessary fire.

And he has the audacity to complain about something. They have been called a dirty ball club, and I can see why. This is a typical, a typical disgusting display by Rodman, Lambert, and Isaiah Thomas. The yellow, gutless way they do things here. Now the other Lord Fort Roy is coming in. The other good fight. Fort Roy is coming in.

Rick Mahorne, the guy who hit people from behind. I have a great deal of contempt and disrespect for this kid right now because of the blind side swipe. He took it bird. It was Dennis Rodman, and he sneers. He didn't do it because he's a goody good boy. He wouldn't do something nasty like that. Dennis Rodman did not incur my respect anyway. In fact, tell that to these miserable Detroit media people because they call me jerk of the week.

Well, fine, I'll be a jerk of the week, but I'll be myself. I wouldn't be like them for a... like them for all the money in the world. That's him being objective, by the way. Oh, my God. And we had a comedian in Boston, Mike Donovan, who could do that voice to a T, and he could write funny bits.

And he would have, he could, yeah, Bird drives a lane, and Magic Johnson sticks his leg out like a schoolyard punk. He pulls a lead pipe out of his pants and waxed bird. And the fouls on bird. Oh, God. Nobody wanted to follow that guy. Always had to go on last. He would get like a standing ovation.

It was fucking creepy. Anyways, I thought you'd enjoy that because I don't feel like doing politics. All right. I think I get cancer of the neck. Anyways, let's get to what I'm talking about. We get the Guthrie update. I'm tired of that already. I just want them to find her so we can end the story.

And then you got a couple former, you know, they weren't enemies, but they were at each other's throats when politicians run against each other. Ron and Don, that's desanthamous, desanthamonious, and the president golfing with Nick Sabin and who else now is? And Urban Meyer this week. There's some powerful money on the, what else we got? You got a, Kurt Cobain. They want to look at his autopsy again. People, you know, it was always a controversy.

It was a self, did he kill himself? or did somebody kill them and now they're they want to look at why probably to distract us from other shit going on uh anyways and also one other story that was great if you guys remember um kane belazquez velasquez am i saying right uh UFC you know like hall of fame kick ass um anyways his kid was at some daycare center this was a few years ago and the guy molested his kid so Kane took the law into his own hands and ended up in prison, but he got out, and the way he got out and how they created him was hilarious. It made Henry Hill ashamed that when he got out. Let's get right to Guthrie.

Have you seen me lately? Yes, like I said, on the back of a bottle of insurer. Savannah Guthrie posted a new video of PLA, late Sunday pleading with her mother. And I can't imagine what she's going through. Nancy's alleged kid sent the video obviously hoping the kidnapper was watching here it is sad But fuck it I wanted to come on and It's been two weeks since our mom was taken and She's like I've never slept better I just wanted to come on and say that

No ball busted we still have hope and and we still believe. I can tell me your voice. And I wanted to say to whoever has her or knows where she is. It's never too late. Okay. Apparently you haven't seen too many Clint Eastwood movies. Remember the one where there was a girl buried underground somewhere

and he was trying to find her the whole movie? It was like one of his dirty hair. It was fucking great. Savannah Guthrie's please come as the investigation into Nancy Guthrie's Disapparent stretches into day 15 without any suspects. There was so many updates this weekend. This has a weird

feeling to it. I can't describe it. If you wanted to distract the country, this is the perfect story. I know it's not, that might not be the case, but I never every day they have like a fucking, they found another glove. this weekend in the house. You want me to believe you've been in the house for two weeks and you just found

another glove? That doesn't smell to you guys. That doesn't seem fucking weird. Then they found another glove a couple miles from her house and another one in Vermont. What is this is a glove factory fucking robbery? I don't understand. And then I love it. They got another guy. They questioned him.

Another guy on a camera. Let him go. But there's an update every day. And then Then the fucking sheriff goes, the sheriff was like not too positive. You know, he goes, it could be months or years. Yeah, well, the way you're handling. Oh, and the mind-blowing thing. Did you see this?

I think this was since you and I last saw each other. They put the, they show a shot from the sky. There's a guy delivering a pizza to the house. This is a crime scene. A pizza guy goes right up to the door. If that's not bad enough, in the backyard, two pool cleaning guys are there. So I'm sitting there and I'm going, that's it, they found her. I'm saying, even if they get the guy, he's going to get off.

You just trampled over a crime scene. How do you let two guys cleaning the pool into an active fucking crime scene? That's what felt fake to me. You know what I mean? I go, are they really that dumb out there? I don't want to bring West Coast stupid into it, but they botched the Manson thing for fucking years. How in God's name are there two pool guys there?

Well, FBI guys are inside doing this shit. I don't get it. The 84-year-old lady was last seen on a trampoline with a bottle of whiskey in her hand doing flips. That's why people don't believe it. No, she was last seen on my birthday. So, you know, it wasn't me. I was at a titty bar of my wife.

What? She was reported missing the next morning. See, my mother wasn't missing. We reported her like a year later. Why? And then they found her. Where? In the back of my trunk?

As opposed to the front of your trunk, Nick? Yes. That's when David tells all jokes but so great. Hitch hiking. Great idea. That's the best way to see the country, isn't it? Bound and gagged in the back of a strangest card.

The sheriff leading the search for Nancy Guthrie has admitted it could take years to find her as the hunt for the mother of today's show host enters its third week. Maybe it's an hour from now, he says, maybe it's weeks or months or years from now, but we won't quit. Well, if you did, I think you'd catch some shit. We're going to find Nancy, whether she's dead with maggots on her, or that's what he said. Do you believe this asshole? No.

We're going to find Nancy. We're going to find this guy. How do you know it's a guy? How do you know it's not some woman neighbor? or period. What? Anyways, he's out there. He's going to, they're going to find him.

So each one of you, go out to your people on the street, crack some fucking heads, create some fucking orders out there. Cops are flying over the Tucson Desert with a high-tech Bluetooth signal detector, also known as a signal sniffer. That was my nickname in the gym. Yeah, in the locker room. I used to go around the girls' locker, and they come with a signal sniffer. And they didn't even have Bluetooth back then.

It was just, they didn't need. needed. In an attempt to locate a signal from Guthrie's pacemaker, Jesus, she's right here, a Pima County Sheriff's Department helicopter has been flying in a low, slow grid pattern over the area around Nancy's home in an attempt to get a ping off the device. The 84-year-old's pacemaker disconnected from the app on her phone just before 2 a.m. on February 1st, and her nest cam also disconnected around that time, which doesn't mean a pacemaker's start, but it ain't a good sign. Acting on a lead, the Pima County SWAT team and the FBI on Friday executed a federal search warrant at a Tucson area home,

roughly two miles from Guthrie's home detaining three people. I think they've since been let go. Folks, I just don't understand. I've never seen every day there's an update, and it's not like they're making it up. I'm just saying it's weird how this is unfolding, right? Well, the best way to get your mind off depressing shit like this is to buy a hat at nickdip.com. That'll make you happy. We've got Guthrie hats now.

T-shirts, hats, hoodies, nickdip.com. Go to the merch page. That's how you support the show. I appreciate it very much. If you want to send the personalized video to someone, I'll say what you're thinking so you don't have to. You book it at shoutout.us. Shoutout. dot you. I said, I'll look right at it on my phone and make a video saying whatever you want me to say

or bust the balls of whoever you want busted. Let's move on to Ron and Don hit the links. And you're like, what is that a duet from the 70s? No. A rather interesting for some teed off for Around the Golf in Florida this weekend. President Donald Trump was joined by college football coaching legends. This is why I love Trump. These are guys, guys out there. Imagine the, I want if they can talk freely. You know what I'm saying? Because why? Everybody gets there's bugs everywhere. Especially

when you know what I mean? I'm just saying can they I mean even Nixon was on the phone. They don't have fucking blacks and them Jews. That's why they're at the golf course outside. I don't care. It doesn't matter. This ain't fucking 1970. This ain't like going out to a gaudy, you know. But I get your point.

But yeah, it's true. They do that on the Sopranos. that always go into the garage of the house and get in the car sometimes talking. Still, they get busted. Spoiler alert. I don't know why my wrist all of a sudden I wake up this morning.

I don't jerk off of his hand. I put this through the ring of last night, but this one. Jazz hands. College football coaching legends, Irmaier and Nick Sabin. Can imagine that? And Trump, what a for some.

And DeSantis. Yeah, they went golfing this weekend. It would go too far. a guy said in the article to say that Trump and DeSantis have bad blood, but there has been a rift since the Florida's governor's 2023 primary challenge to Trump. Now you can't take that personally. This guy would make a great president, by the way. We got a deep bench, but, uh, which peted out in New Hampshire before primary votes have been cast. Remember that? He kind of would Donham Flames Descenta. To see Trump and DeSantis spending a few hours engaged in what Mark Twain once called,

When I first read this, I missed the joke. But Twain was talking about golf. He goes, what Mark Twain once called a good walk spoiled leads to an interesting question. After the Ace Florida governor leaves office next year, and he is a killer governor, could he be a hole in one for the Trump administration? In recent weeks, calm is something the administration has been thirsting for, I guess. how do they have? Thank you. After DeSantis dropped out in early

2024, how did that get short? And it's perfect. Did you do that? It used to be class. I bet you Andy did it. I don't know. After DeSantis dropped out in early 2024, the schism and the conservative

movement or more or less was cleaved. Not with some fairly bitter vitriol that had consumed the previous year, and the governor can still be an important buttress to GOP unity. Definitely. There has been a frustration, especially from former DeSantis supporters of late, that the White House has been too tolerant.

Now, I don't like this, of extreme views from figures in its orbit. So people that work with DeSantis and DeSantis, they're saying, think Trump's listening to people that are too far right. I don't like that because there's no such thing in my opinion. Not with the way the ecosphere and politics is and the fucking left controlling every mouthpiece. You have to be. So I don't like that.

That's not how you're going to get into his administration. I don't think. It could also be a sign that Trump's look at the midterms and go, maybe I should talk to somebody who, I don't know. The best answer to that is not to cancel supposed it cancers, but to bolster the administration's credibility. That's your opinion, whoever wrote this, with the possible exception of Georgia governor, Brian Kemp,

no leader in America may be in the world handled the COVID thing better, which was true. Remember DeSantis was out there? He had already, with the pharmacies, he'd already set up a deal to get this shit. I was like, how's he doing this? The knock on DeSantis is that he's short and has a tiny peepee. What?

No. Is that credible, though he may be, he's not particularly compelling. He does not, in the parlance of entertainment, chew up the scenery. It's just so ridiculous. That's so stupid. This ain't entertainment.

This is our fucking lives we're talking about. I don't care. I remember when Reagan was run, I don't know who was running. Back in the 80s, and there was an old, I can't even remember his name. It was an old military guy.

If I said it, you might even recognize him. But he was running for president, too. But he was like 75, and he wasn't good in front of the camera. That's what everybody's critique was. And I remember Dennis Miller going on a rant, you know, and I couldn't agree with them more. What the fuck does that have to do?

You know? Matter of fact, I find it endearing when people aren't good in front of the care. I actually find it endearing. So anyways, let's say Attorney General Pam Bondi or Homeland Security Secretary Christy Knoem, who have been lightning rods for criticism, leave their positions. I got one for them.

They could take up right on my face. What? Cut? Hey, Gilligan. I'm not advocating for that, but should it happen, DeSantis is one of a few prominent Republicans who could sail through the Senate confirmation. Back in 22, 23, they went after each other pretty well a lot, remember? First, here's DeSantis, right? Talking about Trump. Starts to belittle you. How are you going to respond? So here's the thing. These insults are so phony. these insults are juvenile.

That is not the way a great nation should be conducting itself. That is not the way the president of the United States should be conducting himself. Bullshit. So I enjoy the debate. You know, the people in New Hampshire have been great. They're opinionated. Let's have those debates about the issues. I'm not going to insult somebody.

Don't be a faggot. I'm not going to insult somebody. You better put on a helmet, dude. I don't like that tone. I love that Trump's one of us. and he calls a spade a spade I'd rather use the other word but what?

Oh, stop it, silly. So anyway, and then then here's what, you know, remember what Trump was saying about this? The sanctimonious. We're getting lots of job requests from people currently working for the Social Security Medicare County. Medicare.

The sanctimonious campaign. Ron's poll numbers are dropping so fast and furious that many people are speculating he's not going to run. And then the ghost came up. Hey, it's Mrs. Guthrie. Get her. Anyways, that'll be interesting. I want to know what they were talking about.

Somebody get that bug on Hole 16 that I put in the plant on the flag. I just love, though. He's got two great football coaches out there. How funny is Sabin in those commercials for some Airbnb thing? God, is that fucking hilarious? The family shows up.

He goes, check in three o'clock. And the family goes, it's $2.55. He goes, I know. Jesus, Christ, it makes me laugh. Then he's going, no shower is more than five minutes. This is a house, not a salon. No fun. And then they cut to him with a miserable look on his face on a sit-down lawnmower.

Then they cut to the couple in a hot tub. The camera pans over. He's in there with him. Some of those are really funny. better than the actual shows. Let's move on to the red scare. It's not a rash of my ass, believe me. Donald Trump's 2024 presidential election victory

was in no small part, down to his perceived economic competence and voters' dissatisfaction with Joe Biden's handling of inflation. Trump won a commanding 81% of the vote among the one-third of voters who said the economy was the most important issue facing the country.

And you know what? I disagree with that. thousand fucking percent. Maybe that was true through the 60s, 70s and 80s. We got big a fish to fry, in my opinion. Across the world, the cost of living continues to punish incumbent governments. Electorates of the 2020s have hired, who cares with other fucking presidents are getting yelled that for, have expectations and governments elected on promises of change that fail to deliver rapid economic improvement. They face swift electoral retribution. Our polling indicates the Democrats are on course. This is called a generic ballot, meaning no specific politician

from either party, just if you had to pick a party to vote for president for, who would you? That's what they mean by generic, basically. And the Democrats are on course to take back the House of Representatives in November's midterms with the economic concerns about to punish the incumbent once again. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. As if the Democrats would somehow improve the economy because they have a great track record. And my take on this is, it says plus seven for them. My take on that, folks, is so you're upset because hot dogs cost too much or whatever the fuck, right? This guy's only stopped literally seven wars around the fucking world, taking rapists and illegals by the thousands off the streets in your cities.

not to mention everything I can't even remember the shit he's done he's done more in a year and I'll put his record up against anybody whether you like him or not and it doesn't matter if grocery prices are high if you're being invaded by South and Central America

and dealing with fucking Iran we're respected again asked Iran about the nuclear I forgot to mention that him blown up Iran's nukes and nobody got hurt all this shit think about it but oh cucumbers are up a buck this year. Tough shit. None of that shit matters if you don't have a country and you don't have

law and order. I can't believe the reaction to ICE. And I can't believe that the Republicans can't do a better fucking job of making the argument. Or maybe they are making it. Like I said, they're just outnumbered as far as outlets that report the fucking truth. But either way, you better figure it out. But you people, what are you baby? Are you that frigging, oh, I get five kids. Yeah, you should have thought about that. Before you, before you had five kids, you should have a job that you weren't fucking making $4 an hour at. Seriously. Why is that all important? That doesn't mean shit if this country has no law and order and the gates are wide open. And like Dallas said, if I, Democrats are going to come in and Democrats? Whatever. They're going to

come in and what, now they're economic geniuses? Are you shitting me? You see Mondani in New York? but he tried to open one of those free supermarkets we've been hearing about. It's a fucking, oh my God. Anyways, we have conducted two midterm polls so far this year, one in late January, one earlier this week. The most recent survey gives the Democrats a five-point lead. Excuse me. And the generic House ballot among registered voters rising to seven points when our likely voter turnout model is applied. And who's that?

Melania. a turnout model is trained on validated voter panels and converts you know what you guys also said Trump was going to get stomped and you've been wrong on every big presidential fucking thing ever but I'm just making my point you people are you that spoiled

because they're even saying you know independence of how to really you're that fucking childish so he should call off ice right is that what he should do open the gates again tell fucking Middle East tell you know Netanyahu fucking you're on your own that I wouldn't mind

I think Jews got it under control over the I'm just saying tell me somebody else who's done this much in a year well you know Teddy Roosevelt by the way I can name the presidents you know from 1 to 47 I told you that still got them up here I don't know why it's stuck

yet I can't get the first three notes to Tennessee whiskey Listen. No, I'm actually nailing that too. Anyways, converted actual behavior, suck my ass. Fuck you. About a third of the time. In the two-party choice when voters are forced to choose between the two major parties, the Democrats lead by 53 to 47 percent with likely voters. That means you're assholes. You get what you deserve America. That's what I'm going to say. The Democrats currently have the enthusiasm advantage, driven mainly by turnout differentials among soft. supporters. That's your world. I just live in it. Really, people? Maybe they're underestimating how the rights going to turn out in the midterm. I mean, if I'm Trump, I'm going, really, guys? After all I'm fucking done for you? You're not going to turn out and by the zillions? You don't

just do it for one election. And again, this wouldn't even be a story if the Dems didn't control the fucking media. Which they do, folks. Let's move on to something more alcoholic. Booze Cruz, Cruz is C-R-E-W-S. Researchers may have solved the mystery of the 150-year-old alcohol bottle discovered in Utah, and there are some surprises. The artifact was found I don't think it's 150 years old because a bottle is a label.

It says cold duck on it. The artifact was found this. summer at an archaeological site in Alta, Utah, a once booming mining town, now known for its ski resorts. Although you ski there, you have the chance of falling down a shaft 450 feet. It's happened. The bottle was brought to High West Distillery in Park City, the first legal distillery in Utah. Really?

This bugs for you. Their experts took a sip of the liquid within, which is balzy. I'm not doing that and describe the taste as unmistakably aged oh thank you expert what gave it away the 70 inch cobwebs

and fucking maggots in the box wow what an expert anyways it's 150 years old and there's a liquid in it and here they are checking it out well we started off by using the core event you're in

All right. Oh, baby. Give her a shot. With a little out. To see the liquid come out and have a color and have a good smell. It's like some pain. The guesses begun to flow. First, there was some kind of a kind of an oxidized fruit note.

Oh, drink it. It's fruity. It's beer. Smells like Bill Cosby. There's a little bit of leather. Lether. There's quite a bit of age on it. Sherry vibes.

So like oxidized wine vibes. Sherry buds. It's an IPA. production of this. That really phonolic note, like it's a fermentation. Oh, shut up, you think of it. But Isaac took it a step further. Yeah, take the guy. He's the guy with a drinking problem right now. 150 years old, he found the ground. Fuck it. I think, yeah, you have to. Didn't smell like gasoline. Didn't smell like tobacco.

After that, everyone took a sit. It's fascinating. Fascinating. Well, Bill's alive. Let's do it. This bud's for you, you big girl. While the experts were originally stopped at what the bottle contained, and they now believe it held apple cider. I'm guessing it was some type of vinegar douche. The team will send samples to third-party labs for further testing, including an attempt to confirm the alcohol by volume, which is expected to be low. Well, I don't know.

Why would you expect to be low? It should be like vinegar. My grandfather's wine was like red wine and vinegar. I loved it. It was so fucking, so dry. Your mouth would. Additional sugar and acid tests are planned to confirm whether the liquid contains apple-specific compounds like amalic acid. Have you ever had that?

It's tremendous. You're tripping for days. Winter even said the team would like to recreate the liquid as well. And that, fuck Mrs. Guthrie, we're going to use that lab in Florida. What? And that high west distillery is exploring different options to work with labs on plating this out. said winter. There's probably a whole mess of different microbes in there, bacteria, yeast.

Yeah, and you drank it. Thank you. We need it to, you know, be able to eat sugar and create alcohol. What you want is a fat chick. How many girls I brought home in college? Here's a piece of birthday cake and drink this jack. Alcohol and CO2. We also want it to taste good at the end of the day.

What day is that, fuck base? So sick of that phrase. Bill O'Roddy was complaining about that, like his third year on TV. What was that? 30 years ago. Let's move on to something. No Nirvana for Kurt. A team of independent forensic scientists are calling for a fresh investigation.

I'm sure Savannah got through. He's happy to read this story. Really? Into the death of Kirk Cobain after an exhaustive look at the late Rocker's autopsy led them to believe one or more individuals may have been involved in his death. I say this calls for action and now. Yeah, a little late. Cobain's 1994 death, which came at the zenith of the 1990s Seattle grunge.

He was the grunge scene in the 90s. Shook the music world to its core, except for me. I was listening to Seeger and Arrow Smith and saying the 90s music sucked dick, and I was right on the money, except for them. Actually, Nirvana, I enjoyed. The King County Medical Examiner's office ruled at the time that the 27-year-old Nirvana frontman death was the result of a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

Oh. He hurt himself. But the forensic team, which included independent researcher, Michelle Wilkins. Oh, she's good. And specialist Brian Burnett recently spent three days examining the death and concluded in a peer-reviewed document

that his death was a homicide, according to complex. There's what they found. The fuck, I saw that on my kitchen floor, and I was leaving the house today. The team's allegations touch upon well-worn theories about the manner of Cobain's death that haven't sat right with fans in over 30 years, including that he was forced to take a massive dose of heroin. First of all, I find it hard to believe he was forced to do that.

Oh, twist my arm. Oh! Before he was shot. Who came up with that theory? And that his two suicide notes used different handwriting styles. What happened to the theory that it was Courtney Love, who had him whacked?

And you know, I'm good friends with her. The Pam Anderson wrote. She sat next to me. I think I told you this guy. She sat next to me that Pam Anderson Rose. I'm about to go on next. She goes to me. and I hadn't said a word to her.

We're sitting next to each other, right? And we hadn't said a word to her. I'm about to go on. She whispers in my ass. She goes, don't make any body odor or anal warts jokes. I'm walking to the podium. I was in, I'm like, did she just say that? What, first of all, it's way too much.

I don't need to know. Is that hilarious? Secondly, never tell a comedian that. Exactly. Exactly. You know how that works. Anytime I think of that, think of Villanova when me and me and

Gerardo did a show at Villanova and they told us before the show and it was right in the middle all the priests molesting all that shit and of course that's the first because it's you know Catholic school and they go no no priest couldn't fucking get it out of my head I think I was up there honestly got a minute and a half

before I went into hey about that priest getting his ass licked by that Cubsca and then they wouldn't they didn't want to give us the check Giraldo was pissed to me Despite the team's findings, the medical examiners office said in a statement that the results of their initial autopsy ruling still stand. However, the agency left the door open a crack to reinvestigate the case if new evidence comes to light. However, they say they've seen nothing to date that would warrant reopening of this case and our previous determination.

Again, another shitty job of reporting. So what was the specific things that these other people, who thinks that he didn't kill himself, why don't you tell us what they said? Not just that they want to reopen it. That's called reporting. A month before his death, Cobain was hospitalized in Rome after overdosing on accommodation of ropeanol and champagne.

Oh, I had that on the plane on the way to Dallas. Which is his then-spouse, Courtney Love, claimed, was a suicide attempt. It was a cocktail. I like her. I like whacked out fucking people. It's funny because she was kind of good looking in her day, but man,

did she pack on the fucking pancakes? She's probably down now. Everybody else is. Here you go. Yeah. She wouldn't do that because that's too commercial that song. You know what the name of her band was? Remember?

Hole. It's going to be the name on my next album. Oh, I did come up. of the great title. I'm not going to say it because Adam Carole will take it. Please come to Boston. She said no. Let's move on.

This is a Kane set free. Former UFC fighter. If you guys are UFC people, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Kane, Alvarez had an emotional reunion with his family following his release from prison less than a year into a five-year sentence, but he did time, don't worry, for attempting to shoot a man accused of molesting his child. Hmm. Are you interested in the real story?

Yes, ma'am. The 43-year-old was released on parole Sunday from a California state prison. Talk about horrible prisons. I don't know, Della. I can explain it. I swear I have cancer in my wrist and my neck. The 43-year-old was released on parole Sunday from a California State Prison after being credited with 1,283 days served. So you do the math, that's like four years almost, including time spent in county jail, which is brutal, California County Jail,

before sentencing end on house arrest leading up to his 2024 trial, his agent Mike Fonseca told ESPN, An emotional video. This is funny. This is great. Capturing Velasquez, reuniting with his children after being dropped off by a van with a mariachi band playing in the background. And I watched this and I laughed and here we go. Check it out.

Only in California. The hand is there, by the way. This isn't like that. Jesus, relax. It's not a Friday's on his. birthday. You see how doing a stint of fucking

boy, that boy, Henry Hill, he had nothing. He had Karen leaning against a fucking Pontiac. Velasquez was

locked up for getting into a high-speed chain and I'll back him every moment of the day and shooting at the vehicle of a daycare worker Harry Goulart

who faces charges of sexually abusing his four-year-old son and February of 2022. I guess you didn't know who the kid's dad was, number one. During the 11-mile chase, Gullar's 63-year-old father who was riding in the vehicle was shot and injured. After being on house arrest since November of 2022, the former MMA fighter pleaded no contest to felony attempted murder, assault, and weapons charges before being sentenced in March of 2025. Velazquez has

publicly expressed remorse over the incident and reached a deal with the prosecutors to avoid a potential sentence of 30 years to life in prison. So he apologized profusely. I apologize. What's the matter with you? Sorry. The fuck is the matter with you? Goulart still faces a felony charge of lewd acts with a minor. and has pleaded not guilty, Velazquez has also filed the related civil suit. Velazquez, by the way, was a badass. It's like a Hall of Fame, UFC guy, competed in the UFC from 2008, 11 years in the octagon. You're a fucking bad, winning the heavyweight title, which is like, you're the killer of UFC fighters.

He won that title twice, establishing himself as one of the divisions top fighters of his era and uh i know i would take a poll and guarantee 10 out of 10 well maybe 9.9 out of 10 fathers would go yeah i'd do the same fucking thing i would hope although this country's turned it to a sneaker full of shit it's so soft so i don't know it's also california so the molester will be more protected it's a great point do you guys remember i should have pulled up the clip because i show it every time we talk about this, but in the 70s, a guy son was molested, and they were bringing the guy who molested his son through an airport, and he was on pretending to be on a pay phone. I know people don't know what a pay phone is, but he was on a pay phone. And as they were

escorting a guy through the airport, the father takes a gun out, blows the guy away right there, and the judge, and I think it was Texas, I might be wrong, but the judge went, you're good, and why wouldn't he? I mean, if you know for sure that the guy molested, that's a good dad to me. And a better judge, yes, I was going to say. It wasn't a girl, by the way. Wasn't some Jew brought from Yale with horned rim glasses going,

oh, that was unnecessary. Your mother's ass. That'll update, or new headline, rather. Oh, Robert Duvall, dead at 95. But now this is what's weird about that. They found them in Guthrie's best. bedroom. And he had a knife in his hand. 95 he made it too? Wow.

Makes sense. I mean, he wasn't a spring chicken in the godfather. Boy, he did some good shit since then, too. It was a movie with Robert Downey Juno called The Judge. What a great film that. Underrated. It's so funny how shit like that doesn't get talked about, but, you know, fucking Marvel Comics puts out the, you know, fucking Green Hornet. people are jacked off in the lobby of the loz the fuck out of here with that shit a foul mouth

this is called chairman of the board by the way this story and maybe my favorite visual today a foul mouth demand for a bottle of beer can be revealed as the incident that sparked the now world famous this thing went viral in like three seconds flying chair knockout

news dot com blah blah can reveal that the man who knocked out his own mate with a hurled chair intended for a security guard was ejected was ejected from Melbourne's Bar

20. Who threw it, Russell Wilson? I was ejected from Melbourne's Bar 20 on Friday night after telling a bar maid to open the fucking beer. Oh God, I love Australia. In an exclusive interview, Bar 20, co-owner Michael Trimble has

lifted the lid on the crazy eight-minute ejection that led to the incident now seen by over 27 million people worldwide. Is that what I got to do? I wonder if Andy will do that. She's a good wife. She'll let me throw a chair at her. I'll help you out. Will you? Bring your wife.

We'll get them both. And then we'll go double. It began with a bottle of VB and four words. This is the owner, co-owner talk. And my bar manager pulled a bottle out of the fridge, Trimble said. She was about to twist the top off when he looked at her and said something inappropriate. I'm not sure what he said, but it made her stop and think, maybe I don't actually want to serve this guy. As the barmaid hesitated, the patron snapped like a true drunk Ozzy.

He screamed, just opened a fucking beer. There you go. Into the mic, man. Do that again. Go ahead. Only don't yell, but go ahead. Go ahead. Just open the fucking beer.

There you go. I wish you, I didn't know you were a man of two voices. It's a guy from Alabama. According to Trimbo, the trouble began the moment the two men walked into the King Street venue. They were immediately aggressive towards, everybody has seen this in their day. Sometimes I've been it. Aggressive towards staff raising red flags before a drink was even poured. But the outburst over the bottle, don't worry, we'll get into it, was the final straw.

Security was called immediately, but the pair, it's hard to believe. A couple of drunk Australians didn't want to leave a titty bar peacefully. What should have been a standard 30-second removal turned into a staggering eight-minute ordeal. This sounds like a hockey fight. The whole incident went on for about eight minutes, Trimble said. Here it is. A hard hit from behind. and a hard fall straight down as a chair goes flying outside a Melbourne strip club.

A shock twist, it was thrown by the victim's mate. Security guards can't help but laugh, suspecting the missile was meant for them. What? Do that again, though? Yes! The balt didn't catch him. This is Australia. Look at, he's laughing his balls are. Those are two big Ozzy's right there. How funny is that? That was his buddy who threw the fucking chair that hit him. According to Trimble, the man who would eventually become the victim had actually returned to the door to apologize.

That'll teach you. He had actually changed his tune and was apologetic, Trimble said. He was standing there apologizing for his mate's behavior while he was saying sorry. Let me guess. Foster's, uh, remember that? Yeah, that's right. That was the commercial. Australian for bad, mate.

While he was saying sorry, his friend was. busy raiding a neighboring Korean restaurant. I know. They had that footage, sure. It was too long. He goes in a restaurant. They have him on camera. And he grabs a chair out of a Korean restaurant.

And it's like cute Korean waitress. He goes, hey, that's ours. Anyway, the footage shows the man grabbing the wooden chair, despite a staff member protesting, it was their top chair. What the fuck? Kim Jong-un, was reserved for him. I mean, what the hell was that?

Anyways, that was, was that not delicious? And again, every time I hear about violence in a titty bar, the best headline in the history of New York Post, which is saying a lot because they've had some dozing, was I think I was living there when it came out. It might have been before I got there, actually. It was a headless man found in topless bar. Stealth at a yet to be topped.

Isn't that great? Well, that's it. for a Monday. It's always fucking Monday, isn't it? I'll tell you, folks, if I could do this once a week, more than enough. I'm kidding. I love it. Look at me. Excited, all right?

That's it, boys and girls. If you want me to, you know, you want me to make fun and one of your friends and shit like that? A personal video. You go to cameo.com. That's right. We have two of them. Cameo.com. Click on my profile.

Tell me a little bit of the person. We'll give him a ball busting. and say happy anniversary to the colored couple above you don't matter to me uh i'm all-inclusive you know that i know i think that's why you like me uh anyways uh that's it i guess you guys think it i'll say you're very welcome we'll see you back here at the same time tomorrow have a good rest of the day hi good night everybody