The Nick DiPaolo Show - Trump & Moreno Win! | Nick Di Paolo Show #1544

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Moreno's win, Gold Star father's win, a Drunk pilot and more! Today's episode is sponsored by Naked Wines!Try out Naked Wines & get 6 bottles of wine for just $39.99. Head to https://www.nakedwines.com/NICKDIP & use the code & password NICKDIP Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Kiss my ass Yes sir, I will Hi everybody, welcome to the show on a Wednesday Fucking cold, I got up yesterday morning Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show on a Wednesday. Fucking cold. I got up yesterday morning. It was 40 on the nose, which means it was in the 30s while I was sleeping, which is hilarious. You have to go to school in Maine and living in Boston and shit.

I'm out there in a tank top. People are walking by, fucking down coats. I had a deposition which I can't talk about in detail but you know the Pandora thing you probably read about it with a few comics myself included involved and I'd never been deposed before it was as fucking horrible as I thought it was going to be

it's like being tortured by ISIS only mentally I was in the chair from quarter of ten till six thirty Fuck, it's like being tortured by ISIS, only mentally. I was in the chair from quarter to 10 to 6.30. We took about a 20-minute break for lunch, and there was like a couple two-minute breaks where the guy had to change the camera media shit. But, oh my God. Dude, I couldn't spell my last name.

Fucking three hours into it. Oh, oh my. It's enough to make you stay out of trouble. Only in this time, I didn't cause trouble. I mean, sometimes it finds you, but I'm just saying. I don't know who came up with that fucking system. Anyways, I'll move on before I fuck it up like I did. It's a joke, everybody.

That was terrific. They're going to have me on Law & Order next week as an extra. I'll be playing a plant in the courtroom. A fucking fern. What else? Real quick before I get to this horse shit. This is called delay. You fucking asshole, Nick. Take another fucking

pill. I don't know. Bruins finding their footing, beating up on some weak sisters, and some good ones, actually. Anyway, Pasternak had another hat trick. He's good. That's his, what did they say? He's got 17 hat tricks. He's only been playing for 10 years. 17 or 20-something. No, I think Esposito has 27, yeah. And Positing has 17 already. It's like playing street hockey against retarded kids for him.

It's fucking, how are you that good amongst the greatest? Whatever. Anyhow, excuse me. I smoked this week because of the deposition, trust me. I was stepping out in those two-minute breaks. I actually bumped a fucking, you know what, Newport Menthol 100 from a white guy.

It's delicious. I like menthol. I was about to say, did you pick it up from the curb? That would be, that's how I feel when people say they like gin. I go, what, do you find it on a park bench under a hall? I always associate gin with whatever. Yeah, that was fucking, I like, I got to be honest with you folks, I like it. It feels like it's giving you cancer.

It's not lying to you. Look at this. I ate like a box of saltines last night. Oh. My knees hurt. My hips hurt. I don't want to work out. I brought my shit, as you notice.

It won't be used. Anyways, let's get to this horse shit. This world makes me sick. Let's plow through it one more time. Hey, did you enjoy the pasta dish yesterday? The butternut squash mac and cheese? It's not for everybody, but for people who have a nice palate, an evolved palate, it's a nice twist, you know? And then you poop smooth. Good night, everybody. All right, let's get on with this. I was only kidding. All right, let's get on to this.

I was only kidding. Where are we? What are Trump? Trump-backed Moreno wins. It's a guy in Ohio, I believe. Cleveland businessman, Bernie Moreno. There he is. Hey, white people, stop with the black power.

Sorry. That's appropriation. Has won the Republican primary for U.S. Senate in Ohio. Well, we know it's definite now because that was last night. So he did win. And everybody... Hey, everybody. We're all going to get laid. That was Trump's response.

Although he's trying to fucking not have his buildings taken away. It's amazing. I won't get into it. Why it matters. Why does it matter that this guy won the primary? Moreno's going to take on incumbent Democrat,

the jerk off Sherrod Brown. You guys know they're communists. In November, in what is expected to be a toss-up race that could swing the balance of the Senate, the outcome is a win for former President Trump, who endorsed Moreno in December. But that was Rita Moreno at a hotel. It also, it's welcome news for Democrats who viewed Moreno as a weaker, I guess this is one

of these states where the Dems can vote in the primaries, and they try to prop this guy up because they think he's going to be a weak opponent when he faces Brown, I guess, a weaker general election opponent than either state Senator Matt Dolan or Secretary of State Frank LaRose, whoever those two humps are. The latest, Trump traveled to Ohio last weekend to push Moreno over the finish line like a crippled boy in a little wheelchair. He was seen as the only Trump-backed Senate candidate at risk of losing a primary this year.

In other words, the other ones Trump has backed, they've all won. I don't know how many that is. This is a real show. Flashback. This is why it's important. In 2022, Trump's support of now-Senator J.D. Vance, who, by the way, would make a nice VP pick. This guy's a hardcore conservative. would make a nice VP pick. This guy's a hardcore conservative. And what was the book, Dallas, you said you read it? Hillbilly?

Hillbilly Elegy. Elegy. I always think Elegy was a wide receiver for the Seahawks. Anyways, support of J.D. Vance was a key factor in propelling Vance past a crowded field. That also included Dolan, again, and former state. Oh, I know who Dolan is. He used to be on the goddamn morning Sunday shows and I know that was yeah it was and he sounded decent this is in the middle of the right after Trump got elected and he sounded and then I saw him like four times after what a jerk off and Josh Mandel you know him he puts the condom over his

head the comedian uh vance is on the short list of trump's vp picks yes but this year the state's republican establishment including governor mike dewey and former senator rob portman endorsed dolan good good fucking riddance to you, too. It was a race, Moreno said last week, between the America First Republican Party, that would be him, and the broken-down rhino establishment. In other words, the one

that DeWine backed, those two phonies. A lot of rhinos out there. Right? Here's a video. I have no idea. Let's roll it. Thank you, President Trump. I just got off the phone with President Trump. Oh, quit dropping names. I'm going to get off the clock with

Michael Lindell. And, you know, the reality is we have an opportunity now. We have an opportunity now to retire the old Tommy and send him to retirement home and and save this country. He's talking about, look at her. That looks like a him.

It's funny. Yeah, it looks like it does. Looks like a him with a wig. Anyhow, yeah, so it's jerk off Sherrod Brown. We don't have a picture of him. You would know if we put up who the fucking guy is. But we want to, that's the communist he's referring to. Bye-bye, dickhead.

And I think that might be the case. So it's good news for Trump because it shows he is the party. Did he not just come in and take that party by the throat? And then they try to take it from him. He's like, fuck you. I'm telling you, this guy doesn't lose much. Only time he loses when it's a fat black broad who has it in for him. And somebody pretends is a fucking lawyer or attorney general.

Okay, of a white, a Hispanic woman, and an Eskimo too. Whatever makes it fucking uncredible for you pusses. Not you. You know who I'm talking about. Somebody who might stumble on this in a time capsule next week. What? Let's take a break and make some money. Hey, we all love a glass of wine when we're kicking back and watching the game.

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you want to know what's coming up? I'm going to be talking about a couple of communist ice cream makers that you might be familiar with who finally got a boot in the ass, which made me feel very happy. I'm sure for communists, they sure like capitalism, don't they?

Yeah, exactly. They're just walking hypocrite hippie. You sure like capitalism don't they? They're just walking hypocrite hippie. You hippies from the 60s you're just stupid. You were stupid when you were smoking weed. You got stupider and then you got more stupid when you took acid at Woodstock. Then you raised stupid kids. Anyways that's one of the story and the other one I'll be telling you about a California Police Department once again West Coast showing us their brilliance. I'll be telling you about a California police department. Once again, Wes Colt showing us their brilliance. I'm going to show you what they're doing to keep arrest suspects anonymous.

Instead of showing their faces, they came up with a clever little thing that only California would find amusing. Fucking, that's how I feel about it. Anyway, that's all exclusively on Mug Club. Well, where do you get Mug Club? Go to nickdip.com. Nickdip.com to sign up for Mug Club. Well, where do you get Mug Club? Go to nickdip.com. Nickdip.com to sign up for Mug Club. Please do. You'll love it very, very much.

Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Let's move on to an updated story. As you remember, that fake president, Joe Biden, the guy that never won anything in his life, including the last election, he's just a lying piece of garbage. He's mean. He's old. He was a jerk off and a cheater when he was young. Just a scumbag. And I'm glad he's had tragedy in his life. Gold star dad,

charges dropped. No thanks to fucking anybody but, you know. Brian Schwab, the Democratic attorney general in Washington, D.C. He looks like a retarded Bloomberg. I like pancakes. Look at the tree behind my house. I like pancakes. I've got a tree behind my house. General Washington and D.C. Attorney General has dropped charges against Gold Star father,

Steve Nakui, for disrupting Congress during President Biden's State of the Union speech earlier this month. And you know what? So they arrested a Gold star father what more do you need to know about this administration and you assholes that folks are fucking fuck up anyways here's a clip of what got him in trouble i believe yeah

it's safer today than when i took office remember this lie year before I took office, murder rates went up 30%. 30% they went up. Guys, these murder rates are getting out of control. The biggest increase in history. Murder rates. It was then. Through no... Through no... Joe said, Hunter, I'll be right there. He's jonesing.

Somebody get him his kit. Get him in the Oval Office. Take care of him. I'll be right there, son. By the way, Ting Tang Clan called. You fuckhead. Macho Biden! Right in the ass.

Macho Biden! Right in the ass. Nakui is the father of Kareem Nakui. Gotta come up with a better name for that. Look at this poor kid in his dress, who was killed during the Biden administration's chaotic withdrawal from Afghanistan in 2000. You might remember that. It looked like Spirit Airlines on a fucking long weekend.

Fox News learned of the decision Tuesday evening. Because earlier in the day or the day before, I'm not sure, they showed a clip of him saying they haven't been dropped yet. He said, nobody's talked to me. Maybe, I don't know how old that clip was. Seemed like it was recent because it was on yesterday or they were just updating this stuff. But the bottom line is last night, Fox News learned of the decision of dropping the charges. That was confirmed by the Speaker of the House, Mike Johnson, I believe. The D.C. Attorney General's Office told Fox News that it decided not to prosecute.

Wow, are we supposed to applaud that now? You know what I mean? You fucking Weasley. Not to prosecute in this case, just as they have in the cases of protesters in the past. Well, how come this one went as far as it did? Because the protesters in the past, they didn't all lose somebody over in Afghanistan because of your stupidity. So why did it ever come about in the first place? That's the question, jerk-offs. Fox News was told that

Nkwi was thrilled and humbled and that there were tears when he heard the news from Rep. Daryl Ice. It turns out that Swalwell farted in an elevator, and that's why he was crying when he came up. Daryl, blah, blah, blah. Other families were also with him when he found out the news. Nakui was a guest of Rep. Brian Mast, Republican from Florida, for the State of the Union speech, and he interrupted a president shouting, Abbeygate, and then they surrounded him and did what they do best, hassle people. U.S. Capitol Police warned Nakui and then removed him from the chamber and arrested him. Which, they want to do that to make headlines to let you know you're next.

Who's in charge? Mast, along with Rep. Michael Waltz, seen in the right. Yep. And that's McCall in the middle. Rep. Issa and House Foreign Affairs Chairman Michael McCall. By the way, sometimes he sits on the fence, right? We don't know where he sits. Called for the charges

to be dropped. Yeah. Well, wow, you really went out on a limb there, fellas. I'm glad you did, but I'm just saying. I say, and Waltz wrote a letter to the U.S., that's a capital police, police chief Tom Manger, imploring him to drop the charges. However, the decision was up to Schwalb. He wants you to know that. Fucking. Oh, Washington needs such a douching. Such a douching. Let me ask you a question. Could this set be

any more gray today? What the fuck? This is the throwback episode. Back to the black and whites. No, that's a great point. It looks like a black and white show. If I had just put on white and pancake makeup, it would have been like the Munsters.

That's fucking hilarious. Imagine arresting. Fucking. You know, two seconds after they first, they might not. Well, they knew who he was. Well, they knew who he was. Yeah.

Because he was invited. That's right. That's right. He didn't fucking wander on the exit door. You know that? And still arresting him. Oh, my God. Honestly, that bubble they've been living in has been getting more. It's a great.

I know Swamp's kind of a fucking hackneyed or whatever. It's a great way of explaining. That's what it is. They have no idea how out of touch. You know, it's fucking insane. And stuff like that ain't going to help. Same with Letitia James here. Trump's got something up his sleeve because he's a great business guy.

Shit's going to come down for her at some point. Well, yeah. But already what she's done is made him a martyr. And I'm saying, he's saying that he can't come up with the money or whatever. We don't know if that's true or not. But it's sure going to look bad if they shut down Trump Tower and all that other shit. You think that's going to make people vote Democrat? Just the idiots in New York City who, on the Upper West Side, who, you know,

you could torture babies, they're still going to pull the lever for a Democrat. Anyway, speaking of pulling the levers, half cocked is the headline. A Delta Airlines pilot was sentenced to 10 months in prison for reporting for duty at Scotland's Edinburgh Airport while drunk. That sort of makes sense. It wasn't Albany's airport. It was fucking... Huh? Well, that would make sense too, though. What the fuck else is there to do in Albany? That's actually a great point. I chose

the wrong city. That's true. Edinburgh Airport's the only place, by the way, they give the breath of life to the pilots as they're coming on and off the plane. You guys might know a little bit about Edinburgh. It's the best fucking scotch in the world. I was invited to do the Edinburgh Comedy Festival two years in a row,

and I literally had legit show business twice in my life, of course. What do you mean by legit? I had to audition for a Sprite ad. What? Scotland, Edinburgh. Anyways, he shows up drunk. The pilot. That's what they say. Balls on this prick.

Oh, come on. The pilot, 63-year-old American citizen Larry Russell. Larry, you look pretty good with 63. You going to do some welding later? Nice. There you can see the visor in the car above him that contains it. Lawrence

Russell Jr. is due to captain. A flight from Edinburgh to New York's JFK Airport on the morning of June 16, 2023. But his blood alcohol test exceeded the legal limit.

He had two bottles of this is what made me laugh. It wasn't like fucking expensive scotch or whatever they're known for over there. Jägermeister? Unless he... Maybe he brought it from the States. I don't know.

He had two bottles of Jägermeister. What are you, a sophomore in college? Spring break? When he came to work, one of which was half full. What did you think you were going to get through the... The transatlantic flight had to be canceled, and Russell lost his job at Delta,

not to mention his cookies all over the front seat. According to the court statement from Judiciary of Scotland, when asked about the open bottle, the pilot said this. Excuse me, have you ever been in Schenectady? No, I never was in Schenectady. Neither was I. It must have been a couple other guys. I still have a feeling I've seen your face

someplace else. No, it's always been right here. On top of my neck Maybe you've seen me on television Oh, no, I've never been on television See, as it are Oh, all right If I join you

I just dropped in for a little drink To settle my nerves Before I go to work What sort of work do you do? I'm an airline pilot. Well, how did you get to be an airline pilot? I used to be a

I used to be a airline pilot. I used to be a buh buh. I used to be a buh bus driver. But I quit. Too many drunks on the road. What do you fly? Horsemen and those big gray, gray metal things with what you call a sticking out on the side

wings are you in here laughing that clip will never be more apropos anyways that was him

he had been drinking the night before but he failed a breath test uh the morning he came to work he was arrested and later gave a blood sample which also exceeded the limit the court statement said russell's own account of the incident showed he was uh remorseful for the inconvenience uh the flight cancellation caused to his employer and the passengers. And, oh, well. I apologize. What's the matter with you?

Oh, you were sorry? You almost killed people. I'm sorry. The fuck is the matter with you? Hey, anyways, for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com. Join to get my full show,

the great Steven Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more. And while you're there, ladies and gentlemen, you can click on my tour dates at nickdip.com. As of right now, May 1st and 2nd, I'll be at Sidesplitters Comedy Club in Tampa, Florida. I believe that's a Wednesday and a Thursday, I believe. That's Sidesplitters Tampa, Florida. And then on May 10th, two shows at Soul Joel's Comedy Club, Pottstown,

Pennsylvania. They're very good to me there. Also, the big one, a beautiful venue called the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey, on May 11th. That's a big venue. And again, a lot of Texas have been sold, but it's a big venue.

We have to pick up the pace. Otherwise, I'm going to come out like an Elvis impersonator and pretend it wasn't me, but I'll do it in Spanish. It'll be excellent. What? You heard me. ¶¶ I won't take all that they hand me down And make out a smile though I wear a frown

And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else

And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I see you singing, what are you? I'm not like everybody else Baby